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The thing is, Johnny has never really cared for rules. He was for the most part a good kid who grew into a pretty okay adult who mostly stayed out of trouble, but he has never been one to do something just because the rules told him so. He has also never gotten off on breaking rules just because he can. Just doing what made sense to him regardless of what the rules were and dealing with the consequences later was how he lived his life for as long as he could remember. But not having rules is a rule in itself, so he does have exactly two rules that he is determined to follow until his dying breath.
One: NEVER fall in love with straight boys.
Two: See Rule One
Okay, so admittedly the second one is only there so that the first doesn’t feel lonely, but that doesn’t make Rule Two any less important. Some will have you believe that there are way more important rules covered in Gay 101; those people— Ten —are filthy liars. No such class exists. If it did, Johnny might have actually gone to college. Not that Johnny is gay, but according to his ex, pansexual is just bisexual with a podcast, and said ex had a hard time believing that bisexuality was even real to begin with.
But Johnny’s questionable taste is not what’s important right now. What is important is that the key to Johnny living a long and healthy life is to follow his brilliantly perfect rules. NO Exceptions. Easy peasy. Now if Ten were as wise and all-knowing as Johnny, all his problems wouldn’t lead to Qian Kun.
As Johnny and Ten are tipsy and dangerously close to falling off the edge and landing right into fully wine-drunk territory, now would be a good time to consider adding, ‘Never let himself get sucked into one of Ten’s pity parties again’ to his Rules ™. Or at least something along those lines, because for fuck’s sake, something’s gotta give. For the second time this week alone, Ten has waltzed into Johnny’s apartment, unannounced, with a bottle of wine, saying something about just being in the neighbourhood. Ten is a much better liar than this, and they both know it. Sadly though, he has been off his game as of late, and Ten is too emotionally constipated to admit that he just wants to sulk about Kun or even that he’s actually stupidly obsessed with him in the first place. At least not without a decent lack of blood in his alcohol system first. Not for the first time, Johnny wonders if it has ever crossed Ten’s mind that they live in the same building, so it would be more telling if Ten wasn’t in the neighbourhood. He finds it all quite exhausting, really, the sheer amount of mental acrobatics that Ten goes through to avoid the painfully obvious. How does Ten even keep track of all the lies he tells himself? All Johnny knows is that giving Ten the passcode to his place was probably the most misguided thing he has ever done. If he wants to make it to the studio tomorrow without a hangover, he should really cut himself off now. But he suspects that Ten has been secretly refilling his glass whenever he isn’t looking because everyone knows that Johnny really hates to let a good Pinot go to waste.
Now that Ten is between albums, he has no respect for sleep schedules and has just been a right menace. If Ten wasn’t the first genuine friend that Johnny made when he had just moved to Seoul, during his gruelling brief stint as an idol trainee, before he quit because the industry turned him into a shell of the kid from Chicago with eyes full of hopes and dreams—or maybe if Kun wasn’t so tragically straight—Johnny would not have to indulge Ten’s poor attempts at disguising his pining.
“...‘M not pining.” Ten mumbles, a whiny quality to his voice that he would never admit to. “Course not, Babe.” Johnny placates easily without a second thought, and wow, he must be a little more drunk than he thought if he’s thinking out loud.
“Good. Coz I’m not.”
“Kun could only dream.” Johnny says a little condescendingly, making Ten just roll his eyes and take a swig of the wine straight from the bottle, officially giving up on his glass. It says a lot about how gone for Kun Ten is if he’s trying this hard not to dignify Johnny’s teasing with a response. Johnny sits up then and downs the rest of his wine before quickly moving the glass out of Ten’s reach to stop him from pouring him another. “Ten. Come on. I've got work tomorrow.” Johnny says, tapping Ten’s shoulder. “Isn’t the whole point of being a musician showing up late and still drunk from last night’s partying?” Ten asks, his words suspiciously intelligible.
Rule Four: Never let Ten meet Doyoung.
* The last thing Johnny needs is to be caught by Dispatch being rushed to the emergency room with alcohol poisoning.
“It’s the music actually, I’d reckon.” Johnny quips before smirking, “Thought that DJing was just pushing buttons.” If Ten is making such a crucial slip-up as to almost admit that being a DJ was a real job, then maybe it would be safe to introduce Ten to Doyoung after all. He’s keeping the rule, though, to be safe. “ …at‘s what I said.” Normally Johnny would keep teasing Ten for finally calling Johnny a musician. Ten can be a little shit when he wants to be and has been insisting for years that all Johnny does for a living is press play. However, Ten is in luck because Johnny is not sober or awake enough to have that argument again.
“Come on, Ten. I need to work tomorrow. You can have the guest room.” Johnny says, standing up and taking the glasses to the dishwasher. “You know, it’s actually quite rude that I don’t have my own room. I’m here enough.” Ten sniffs, standing up as well, and finishing the last of the wine in one swing because he’s the reason that Johnny hates wasting a good Pinot. “That’s because you live three floors away, and none of your other friends are stupid enough to indulge your pity parties anymore.”
“Ya!” Ten says in that way he does when he feels like he should be offended but really isn't, so he pretends to be just to save face. “Come on. I’ll make you breakfast tomorrow.” Johnny says, patting him on the shoulder before leading Ten to the guest room.
Honestly, it’s a miracle that Johnny makes it to the studio on time the next morning. That being said, it could just be that Yangyang is even later than Johnny, so he only looks like he was on time. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time. Yangyang rushes in about a minute later, apologising for the lateness, but Johnny is too focused on the blond beauty hiding behind Yangyang’s legs and clutching onto his jeans for dear life. Yangyang follows Johnny’s gaze and sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. “This is Haoran. Kun will be by later to pick him up; he got held up somewhere. He is an angel around strangers, so he won’t be any trouble.”
“It’s okay. I love kids.” Johnny grins, getting down on his haunches to reach Haoran’s level. “Hi, I’m John, but my friends call me Johnny. You want to be my friend?” Johnny asks, putting his hand out to shake, and Haoran looks up at Yangyang as if wanting to know if it’s safe, and Yangyang nods encouragingly. “You’re tall.” Haoran says in awe, his eyes wide, not giving Johnny a chance to respond before he continues speaking. Auntie says that you’re sexy, but I’m not meant to know what that means.” Haoran says matter-of-factly, shaking Johnny’s hand, but the mischievous glint in his eye says that he knows exactly what that means or at least that it is something that he isn’t supposed to be saying so freely. Johnny fights back a laugh at that while Yangyang snickers. “Who’s your auntie? .” Johnny asks, trying to figure out whose kid this is and why Yangyang and Kun are watching him, seeing as Yangyang didn’t deem it necessary to tell him. Haoran looks at him suspiciously and just shrugs in response before rushing off to a random corner of the studio and spilling the contents of his backpack on the floor before softly humming to himself and getting started on a picture.
“He must like you.” Yangyang comments out loud, a little surprised. “Try not to sound so surprised. I’m a very likeable person.” Johnny sniffs, only partly pretending to be offended. “Course you are, Johnny. It’s just that he never talks to strangers. You don’t know how many times someone’s asked if he talks at all.” Yangyang explains, throwing the drawing child a fond look. “Anyways, let’s get to work.” Yangyang declares, sitting down, and Johnny nods. And if Yangyang notices how Johnny seems to be a little more eager than usual, then he doesn’t mention it. Which is perfect because Johnny doesn’t fancy making up an excuse as to why Johnny is so interested to meet Kun. At this point he would probably just tell the truth, and then Ten, who has a creepy sixth sense for when people are talking about him, would find out and be pissy with him for a week. And though he’ll never admit it, Johnny almost likes their ‘Mopey Mondays’ because it makes him feel like he’s still a regular person when he has to deal with Ten’s high school-level problems.
It’s a couple hours later, and they’re asking Haoran for his opinion on every song because after the kid got tired of his crayons, they quickly found out that the kid has a good ear and will probably have more talent than he knows what to do with given enough nurturing. Who the hell are his parents? What if the rumours are true and one of the idols in the company has a secret family? Johnny hopes not because Yuta started that rumour, and he would hate to live in a world where the bullshit that Yuta likes to spew from his mouth when he’s bored is actually true.
Yangyang is looking very smug every time Haoran opens his mouth and agrees with something that he says. “I liked it the first time better.” Haoran says with an adorably serious expression on his face. Before Johnny can comment, Johnny notices Kun in the doorway looking a little confused to see Haoran in Yangyang’s lap at the soundboard and proud that he’s apparently calling the shots.
Okay, seeing Kun in person is a game changer because objectively he was always handsome. But now?! Johnny fully gets what all the fuss is about. Kun is seriously good-looking, and if Kun wasn’t obnoxiously Ten’s type, Johnny would consider breaking Rule One for him too. (Okay, not really, but the point is that Ten wasn’t being dramatic, or at least not completely.). Johnny is trying to gain X-ray vision through the sheer force of will to see if the calves under those sweatpants are really “absolutely made for climbing,” like Ten drunkenly admitted last week on Wine Wednesday. Johnny is willing to bet money that Ten is just whipped because Johnny doesn’t even know what that is supposed to look like. Haoran squeals in delight when he sees Kun, hopping off Yangyang’s lap and running to his awaiting arms. And okay, holy shit. That blinding grin and those eyes have even Johnny a little in love with him. Maybe it’s time for a recap.
One: Never fall in love with straight boys.
Two: See Rule one
Three: Never let himself get sucked into one of Ten’s pity parties again.
Four: Never let Ten meet Doyoung.
* Under review
Five: The only rule that really matters is Rule One
At this point Johnny might need a Sixth New Rule™. Johnny immediately pulls out his phone and texts Ten.
Johnny: You still home?
Ten: Yeah. Why?
Johnny: I forgot my notebook in the living room. Could you please bring it for me?
Ten: What’s in it for me?
Johnny: Nothing 😍
Johnny gets no response, so Ten must be rolling his eyes and dragging himself from Johnny’s sofa. Ten likes to pretend that he doesn’t just laze about Johnny’s place long after he’s gone to work, and Johnny lets him because he secretly likes how there’s evidence of someone besides himself all around his place. It makes him feel less alone in that apartment that is too big for just him. Fuck, now he’s starting to think about downloading the apps again, and that is always a bad idea.
Johnny gets Kun to stay a bit and give his two cents on the song they were stuck on. Turns out Kun is not just a music producer, but, like Johnny, he is also a failed idol trainee, and that’s how he met Yangyang. “So John...” Kun starts off suspiciously casual. “Yangyang tells me that you’re friends with Ten.” Johnny is about to answer when Haoran, in the loudest whisper known to man, tugs on Yangyang’s sleeve and asks him. “Is Ten the one that we’re not supposed to talk about around Kun Gēgē?” Haoran asks innocently, and if Johnny wasn’t already tense, gearing up to defend the best friend he’s had since he left idol life behind and had to find a new dream, he might have noticed the blush slowly creeping up Kun’ neck. “Why aren’t we supposed to talk about him?” Johnny asks, keeping his voice even. Kun would recognise the glint in Haoran’s eyes anywhere, but he is not quick enough to stop the damage from being done. “Because Gēgē thinks he’s pretty as fu...”
“HAORAN!” Kun jumps up and grabs Haoran, making all sorts of excuses to go before turning around and noticing Ten casually leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed and the biggest shit-eating grin Johnny has ever seen. “Leaving so soon,
Gēgē
?” And wow, aren’t we being way too smug considering less than twelve hours ago, Ten was drunk, sprawled out on Johnny’s living room floor, close to tears, belting out Why Don’t You Love Me ridiculously off-key? And as Ten’s best friend, it’s Johnny’s duty to bring Ten down a couple pegs. Or at least he would if he wasn’t way too amused right now.
“Ten. Didn’t see you there.” Kun says, and it’s amazing how quickly he was able to fake some composure. “You want me, don’t you, Kun?” Ten states matter-of-factly, straightening up and taking a few steps towards Kun, stopping a little too close to be considered appropriate. Somebody is being obnoxiously bold today. Johnny thinks to himself. Kun blushes even more, and Johnny briefly thinks about painting a feature wall in his dining room that colour; it’s just so pretty that he wants to look at that shade of red everyday. “I said that?” Kun denies feigning obliviousness, a little too quickly, but then Ten is taking another step closer before he leans down to whisper in Kun’ ear, “No. You just think that I’m pretty as fuck.” Ten’s voice is soft enough that only Kun hears, but Johnny knows Ten’s ‘hunting’ face well enough to have a good grasp of what he said. “Uh...” Kun clears his throat and takes a noticeable step back from Ten, which only makes him smirk more, and Johnny wonders how that’s even possible.
“Haoran, let’s go find your dad so you can go home.” Kun says, and Johnny was fully expecting him to stutter a bit, but his voice was pretty firm. Johnny has probably never respected anyone more. Haoran looks like he wants to protest, but at the shake of his head from Kun, Haoran thinks better of it. “Bye.” Haoran waves at everyone, lifting his arms up in hopes of being lifted. Kun obliges before rushing out of the room, grateful for the escape. Ten snickers before handing Johnny his notebook and sitting down in the seat that Kun had just vacated. So maybe Ten is a little wiser than Johnny first thought. Now that he knows that there won’t be any more for a while, Johnny is really going to miss their Sulky Saturdays, but Ten doesn’t need to know that.
It’s later, after Ten has convinced Johnny to come with him to a random location downtown for some new variety show that Ten is guest appearing on, that he remembers that his best friend is an absolute menace. It is time that Johnny really begins to consider asking to share Yangyang with Kun because guess who Johnny and Ten find on set already about to get His makeup done for the show? Him! The entire fucking reason for his New Rules™ and secretly one of the reasons he left the idol life behind before it even began. “Johnny Hyung! Is that you? I haven’t seen you in years! Where have you been?” Of fucking course He’s so happy to see him. Of fucking course He looks even better than he remembered. Of course. Of course. Of absolutely fucking course. Because apparently Johnny’s life was going a little too smoothly lately. Because apparently the universe will implode on itself if it does not constantly have either Johnny or Ten on the verge of a mental breakdown. In his next life he is definitely signing up to be a worm. Ten already promised to still be his friend if he was a worm on a Tipsy Thursday one time, so he should be good. Johnny can’t meet His eyes, so instead he focuses on the fire kit on the wall behind Him.
In Case of Emergency Break Glass.
That’s all well and good and all, but Johnny highly doubts a fire blanket and a fire extinguisher are going to help him now. In fact, Johnny has half a mind to phone 119 and ask what to do in the event of Jeong Jaehyun.