Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You, with your switching sides

And your wildfire lies and your humiliation

You have pointed out my flaws again

As if I don't already see them

I walk with my head down, trying to block you out

'Cause I'll never impress you

I just wanna feel okay again

🌸

“You two have a good time”, Ash says, sitting on one of the chairs and wiggling his legs as he watches Goh and Chloe doing the last touches to their looks.

“Thanks, Ash”, Chloe smiles as she pets her Sylveon.

Their old school class is having a reunion. A small meet up to just catch up, talk and see what everyone is up to these days. And in all honesty, Goh wasn’t even bothered to think about it, he just agreed to it without giving it a proper thought when Chloe first mentioned the idea. Chloe was so into it, saying that they all will have a good time together. It should be nice and relaxing, she was saying, and Goh only smiled at her weakly. Yeah, it should be. Goh hopes it will be. But Chloe shined so bright talking about it, that he just couldn’t say no to her. Actually…he could, and if there was a hidden and personal reason behind his decision to go…only Goh knows about it. But now, when the days have passed too quickly and Goh is finally sitting in front of the mirror, doing the last touches to his look, he can only curse himself for agreeing to go. The anxiety in his stomach almost makes him throw up as he buttons the shirt he’s wearing with a shaking hand.

The good aspect is that the meet up is in the Trio’s restaurant, so Goh can always go to the back to bother Jessie with his presence if he gets overwhelmed. And don’t get him wrong, he does feel a little excited to see everyone after all these years, but he never made any friends in their class except for Chloe, so will someone even be excited about seeing him? The familiar wave of anxiety washes over his body, and it twirls in his stomach just at the thought of being unwelcome and laughed at again.

School was…always so unbearable for him to go to. Classmates used to call him a Pokemon freak just because he knows a lot about Pokemon, so he’d rather stay quiet and hang out by himself in the playground. He felt safest that way. Then the bullying started, taking him out of his safe zone. Always verbal, and leaving a scar each time his classmates called him names. Pokemon freak. Cry baby. Weakling. Goh always brushed it off, saying he doesn’t need any friends, anyone in his life, until the point that it started to concern the teachers and they called his parents on various occasions. His parents didn’t know what to do either, they were as clueless as the teachers. They never spent enough time with Goh, they thought it was just a phase that Goh just preferred to spend time by himself, in his room researching Pokemon. Wasn’t that normal?

Then, Chloe showed her hand, putting Goh’s heart at ease. She stayed by his side, even if he was more interested in her dad’s research than in her company. But…she wanted to stay. She wanted to stay and be his friend. And she stayed. She stayed even if Goh was annoying her with all the Pokemon facts. She stayed even if the classmates were convincing her to not hang out with Goh. She stayed even if Goh was pushed into the ground by a familiar hand, making his whole body ache, pushing his chest too hard and– They told her to stay away from Goh, and she stayed.

Goh’s breath catches in his throat as he relives the awful memory. He closes his eyes as he subtly grips the necklace on his aching and burning chest, grounding him, reminding him that everything’s alright. He’s sitting in the chair in front of the mirror. He’s not being pushed to the ground. No one’s laughing at him, no one is making jokes about him. Goh takes a few deep breaths for good measure as he glances at Chloe and Ash, who are still talking to each other. They didn’t seem to notice his anxiety. Good. He doesn’t want to worry them.

“You sure you don’t wanna go with us, Ash?”, Goh hears Chloe’s muffled voice through his cloudy mind. The necklace is gripped tighter.

“Nah, it should be your time. You deserve to spend some time just together”, Ash smiles as he comes to Goh from behind to put his hands on his shoulders. “Just make sure no one will steal this beauty from me, he looks so pretty in this blue outfit”, Ash teases, and Chloe laughs. It earns a chuckle from Goh too as he looks up at Ash and places a quick peck near his chin.

“You okay?”, Ash asks, noticing that Goh is still gripping the necklace. Ah, maybe he wasn’t as subtle as he thought he was.

“I’m fine”, Goh breathes out as he tilts his head, eventually dropping the hold on the necklace, letting it dangle on his chest freely. “High or side?”, Goh asks, trying to distract Ash, and the boy hums, confused.

“Ponytail”, Goh looks at him annoyed, and Ash sheepishly laughs. 

Ash loves Goh in every kind of ponytail. In all honesty, Goh shouldn’t cut his hair at all and should wear a ponytail all the time. 

“Hmm, side”, he says as he takes the blue tie and helps Goh to tie his hair. “Blue really suits you, you know? Highlights your eyes so beautifully”, Ash whispers straight to Goh’s ear, and Goh blushes delicately at the compliment.

“Feast your eyes while you can, Ash. Once we’re back, I’m helping Goh to cut them a little”, Chloe chuckles, and Ash rolls his eyes.

“Is it too late to send you to space, Chloe?”, Ash murmurs under his breath, and Chloe raises her brow.

“What did you say?”

“You look beautiful too, Chloe”, Ash sheepishly laughs as he helps Goh to stand up from the chair. “You ready?”, he turns his attention back to Goh, and the boy nods his head.

“I think so”, Goh says, looking at his napping little family. “Well, I don’t wanna interrupt their nap, so I guess I won’t be taking any of them with me”, Goh sighs, and Ash looks at him worriedly.

“Are you sure?”, Ash asks, concern filling his voice, but Goh brushes it off.

“Yeah, I’m gonna have my ring with me just in case. Besides, Chloe’s taking her Sylveon with her, so I should be alright”, Goh says, placing a soft kiss on Ash’s lips. “Can I message you when I will be bored”, he asks, pouting, and Ash chuckles.

“Well, I’ll be busy with training and–”, Ash teases, but Goh cuts him off.

“Rotom, set a reminder every 15 minutes for Ash to take breaks from his training”, Goh says, with a tint of seriousness in his voice, and Ash groans.

“Reminders set”, is heard, and Goh smirks triumphantly.

Ash gasps, offended. “Since when is my Rotom listening to you?”

“Since always”, Goh casually replies, putting on his anxiety ring. “Okay, I think I’m ready now”, he exhales a shaky breath as he looks around the room to see if he hasn’t forgotten anything.

“Call me if you need anything”, Ash says, noticing how uneasy Goh feels, and kissing him on the cheek. Goh giggles at the affection.

“When Cinderace wakes up, his favorite berries are in the jar on the highest shelf”, Goh explains, and Ash nods his head. “You can give them to the little ones too”.

“Yeah, yeah, I remember”, Ash rolls his eyes, and Goh raises his brow.

“Just don’t give them too many berries though, because–”

“Goh, seriously, I got it. Don’t think about it. Go and have fun”, Ash silences him with a kiss, and Goh, in all honesty, wishes he could deepen the kiss, ditch the meet up and just spend the day with Ash like he always does. 

Ash traces Goh's cheek delicately with his thumb as he pulls away. Goh pouts, and Ash chuckles before he kisses Goh’s forehead for the last time.

“You’re gonna be late”, Ash reminds, and Goh sighs as he mutters a quiet you’re right.

Chloe gently nudges Goh to finally leave because his mom is waiting for them in the car. Goh shares a last uncertain look with Ash, but Ash just smiles at him, telling him that it’s gonna be okay.

Ash waves to them for the last time as they get into Talia’s car. Chloe smiles excitedly as she puts on the seatbelt, and Goh sighs, still feeling the anxiety twirling in his stomach. His hand is shaking as he fastens his own seatbelt. Is it too late to leave the car? He has a bad feeling about it.

🌸

“Aimee!”, Chloe exclaims as she runs to hug the girl. “It’s been so long!”.

Goh shyly comes closer to them, and Aimee looks over at him, her smile widening, and she hugs him too. Goh didn’t expect it, but…it’s welcome.

Aimee was always one of the nicer kids in their class. Always in the shadow too, but somehow, more popular than Goh could ever be. They were never close, but they grew closer when the classmates that bullied Goh got expelled, and the air was cleared from the tension and judgement surrounding him. Since then, Aimee helped Goh with his homework more frequently alongside Chloe, and helped him to pass some tests with the subjects he struggled with the most. Goh was grateful for Aimee, even if they weren’t close. They wanted to be closer. Wanted to be friends, but Aimee moved to Paldea before Goh set out on his own journey, and the contact cut off to only occasional messages.

“It’s great to see you both. You both are glowing so much. Goh, your outfit is so stunning, you’re looking great”, Aimee compliments, and Goh blushes in a delicate shade of pink.

“Thank you, Aimee”, Goh smiles as he looks at his own outfit, admiring it as well. “Ash helped me choose it”.

Aimee laughs. “Of course, he did. Now tell me, how is it to be the apple of the Champion’s eye?”

“Sometimes he can be annoying”, Goh admits, chuckling. ”But I wouldn’t exchange him for anyone else, he’s really caring and loving”.

“That’s adorable”, Aimee muses, smiling softly. “Think I could sneak with you afterwards to Cerise Park and watch him train? I also would love to see some of the Pokemon you have caught, Goh!”

“That sounds fun!”, Chloe exclaims happily, and Goh nods his head, agreeing.

“Yeah, I agree. I’m sure Ash will be glad to see you, too”, Goh admits, and Aimee smiles.

“But for now, I think we should finally enter the restaurant. I’m sure everyone is already here. We can catch up more inside”, Aimee says, and Goh starts to feel the familiar twirl of anxiety in his stomach reappearing just at the thought of entering the restaurant full of his ex-classmates that he has never got along well with.

Will he be judged? Will they laugh at him like they have used to? Will someone even care that he has fought with his inner demons to be here and see everyone after all these years?

Just as he thinks about it, there’s a familiar touch on his shoulder in the shape of Chloe’s hand.

“You’ve come such a long way, Goh. I’m here with you”, Chloe smiles, and Aimee nods her head.

“Me too. If someone bothers you, let us know, yeah?”, Aimee smiles, and Goh takes a deep breath before offering them a weak smile.

“Thanks, you two. I think…”, Goh says as he looks over at the restaurant. He squints his eyes as he puts his hand over his chest to offer some pressure there. “I think I’m ready to go inside”, he breathes out, taking a step forward.

Chloe and Aimee smile at each other, but they are the first to enter the restaurant. Goh doesn’t move, even if he has voiced out that he’s ready. He still stands in front of it, looking at the door like he would be paralyzed. He tries to extend his hand to touch the knob, but he feels stuck, like he couldn’t move at all. He breathes heavily as the only thing he can do is to fidget with the ring on his finger.

Chloe exits the restaurant to look at him, concerned. Goh’s eyes seem lifeless, and full of sorrow, but with passing time, eventually something glistens in them. Hesitation. Chloe bites her lips as she realizes something.

“Goh, I’m sorry if I pushed you, you don’t need to–”.

Goh exhales a shaky breath. Ash spent most of yesterday afternoon trying to find the perfect outfit for Goh, woke up earlier today to help him dress and just spent the morning with him to help him ease his stress. And so did Chloe. She asked her mom to pick them up so their outfits wouldn’t be damaged. She tried to make Goh feel better during the whole ride. And it’s not like she dragged Goh here without asking first. She asked with so much carefulness, like Goh would be made from glass, soon to break and shatter into tiny pieces on the floor. She checked every day since she brought up the idea to see if Goh didn’t change his mind and is, in fact, ready for such a big step.

It can't all go to waste, can it?

Besides…Goh feels ready. He can do it, yeah?

He takes a deep breath.

“Chloe? Let’s go inside”.

🌸

To Goh’s surprise, it isn’t going as bad as he thought it would. Chloe and Aimee greet some of their old acquaintances with a lot of excitement, and Goh just shyly waves at them, not even expecting a wave back, but the truth is, everyone waves at him, with big smiles on their faces. Greeting him, calling him by his name, and just…being kind to him in general, like all that happened in the past was left there, and for some reason, it makes Goh feel better and more welcome. Someone even congratulates him briefly for voicing the Pokedex entries and Goh smiles to himself. It’s really going better than he thought it would, and maybe coming here wasn’t a bad idea after all. Goh can only hope nothing’s gonna ruin it.

“If you want to talk to someone, you should just go, Chloe. You don’t need to sit with me all the time”, Goh says as they’re enjoying some ice cream Jessie had brought them, but Chloe shakes her head.

“I’ll stay with you until you’re more settled and comfortable sitting by himself for more than one second”, Chloe chuckles, and Goh rolls his eyes, but laughs as well.

“But I don’t want to stop you from having fun”, Goh admits, and Chloe shakes her head again.

“But I am having fun”, she softly says as she delicately squeezes his hand for comfort. “I want you to feel included, so if I’m going somewhere, you’re going with me”, Chloe says, her voice filled with genuine seriousness, and Goh can’t help but smile at her.

“Here, I brought you both some apple juice”, Aimee finally joins them, and Goh carefully takes the glass into his hands, taking a sip.

They watch Sylveon and Aimee’s Floragato playing together for a moment, and Goh’s eyes squint in sadness as he regrets not waking up at least one of his little ones to be there with them.

“Say, Goh, I heard you met Jacq?”, Aimee asks, digging into her ice cream, and Goh nods his head.

“Yeah, when I was working on the Pokedex app, just through the screen though, but I’m so glad for the opportunity he gave me”, Goh says, and Aimee smiles at him.

“So, have you and Ash thought about visiting Paldea?”, Aimee asks, and Goh shakes his head.

“I mean, Jacq encouraged us, but there’s always something going on. Alola League here, World Coronation Series there, or we’re caught up in research somewhere”, Goh says with some regret in his voice. 

Deep down, he’s happy for Ash, and he’s not trying to put the blame on him. Goh’s happy whenever Ash has an occasion to shine and show his potential, but Goh sometimes wishes for a year of peace. And Goh knows it’s out of Ash’s hands. It’s not something he can control.

“Well, I hope one day you can visit Paldea. I’ll be happy to be your guide”, Aimee chuckles. “Besides, there’s lots of cool Pokemon that I’m sure you could catch, and Ash could learn even more about battles there”, Aimee smiles, and Goh laughs.

“Don’t say the word battle in Ash’s proximity, or he will book the tickets for the flight next morning”, Chloe jokes, and they all burst out laughing when Lucy is approaching them.

“Hey guys, would you like to take some selfies with us in the back garden?”, she asks, and Chloe nods her head, but she quickly regrets it because she forgot to check with Goh if he’s feeling alright with that.

But Goh meets her gaze, and he nods his head, in an attempt of saying that they can go ahead, and not worry about him. Chloe still hesitates, but Goh keeps his gaze on her as he smiles at her kindly.

“Are you sure? You can go with us, you know”, Chloe makes sure for the last time, and Goh shakes his head.

“I don’t think I’m up for taking photos, so I’ll stay here. I’ll be alright without you for a few minutes, I promise. I can survive”, Goh chuckles, and Chloe eventually nods her head before the girls leave to the garden to take the photos, Sylveon and Floragato running right behind them.

Goh exhales a shaky breath. Loud chatter and laughter surrounds Goh, as he looks into the depths of the glass with the juice. Maybe he can’t survive a few minutes without Chloe when the familiar face is hiding in the shadows, ready to strike. When Goh looks up, he is face to face with the person who ruined most of his life. His eyes widen as he starts to feel the anxiety over his whole body. His chest burns just at the reminder of what happened years ago. Goh is stuck to the chair, he can’t move when the familiar teasing gaze pierces through his whole body. He smirks at Goh’s weak body and Goh almost throws up on the spot. Goh closes his eyes as he takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down. No, it’s not true. It can’t be true. He’s not here, right? Someone would mention to Chloe that he would be here, right?

Without properly opening his eyes, Goh runs to exit the restaurant. He probably stumbled onto someone, but he doesn’t care. He needs to…he needs to escape. He can’t be here. He can’t be here face to face with his past.

When the chilly breeze welcomes his body, he gasps for air. For a second, he thinks that maybe it’s his imagination. He can’t be here, right? 

But when the familiar laugh reaches his ears, Goh’s whole body stiffens. He can’t even turn around. He feels like he’s paralyzed. With a shaking hand, he finds enough energy to grip the necklace on his chest. It already burns him from inside. The reminder of the events from years ago come in flashbacks and echoes. He can’t get it out of his head. Goh tries to take a deep breath to gain his composure. He can’t show that he’s weak.

But, it’s hard when a familiar teasing voice fills his ears, and his whole body flinches just at hearing it.

“What’s up, Goh? It’s so nice to see you after all that time”.

🌸

Not so likewise, thinks Goh, but he can’t show that he’s weak. With as much effort as he can, he tries to keep the tremble out of his voice.

“Hey, Marcus”, he says, almost choking, because just saying his name feels so wrong and leaves a bitter taste in Goh’s mouth.

“Of all the people, I would never expect to see you here. After all, you were never capable of making any friends”, Marcus laughs, and Goh’s hand curls into fist. He tries to open his mouth to speak, but nothing leaves his mouth. Instead, Marcus speaks again. 

“Are you still as pathetic as ever?”, Marcus laughs, and Goh almost throws up. “Still such a cry baby?”.

Goh bites his lips. He doesn’t reply. He wants to. He wants to defend himself, but all the words are stuck deep down his throat. Goh knows his worth. He knows he’s not weak. Ash keeps saying it all the time, even Gary has said it too to make him feel better, to make him believe in his worth. Goh knows he has achieved a lot of meaningful things in that matter. And still…all he can do is listen. Listen to all the insults, and let Marcus drag him down further.

Marcus smirks when he doesn’t hear any answer. “Thought as much”.

Goh starts to fidget with the ring on his finger. It’s unnoticeable to Marcus, but enough for Goh to calm himself down and try to stay on the ground.

“Leave me alone”, Goh finally braces himself to somehow defend himself. It’s weak, almost unhearable and his voice is shaking, but at least he tries.

Marcus chuckles as he walks a step closer to Goh, but Goh immediately takes a step back, terrified, breathing heavily. 

“Please stay away”, Goh manages to say over his rapid breathing.

“Why? Are you afraid of me?”, Marcus teasingly laughs, and Goh takes another step back, when his ex-classmate extends his hand to pretend to push him.

Goh’s chest burns at the memory as he mutters quickly under his breath don’t touch me a few times in a row. His eyes are shut as he hears Marcus laughing some more. Another step back. He…he needs to escape. Goh needs to escape. Another step back. 

“You know what? You have no idea how much I despise hearing your voice every time I check a Pokedex entry, it makes me so sick”, the harshness in Marcus’ voice makes Goh's head spin. His chest tightens as he feels another wave of anxiety washing over him. Another step back when Marcus gets even closer. 

“Please, don’t touch me”, Goh repeats as he takes another step back. “Please…”, Goh says, quietly as he still walks back, but he doesn’t notice the stone laying on the road behind him. Before he can ponder what’s happening, he hits the ground. He hisses in pain, as some tears start to gather in his eyes because of the pain in his twisted ankle. The laugh that erupts from Marcus’ mouth doesn’t help the situation at all. Some tears start to fall from Goh’s eyes.

He’s in pain. He’s crying. He’s embarrassed. And thankfully, Jessie noticed it through the side window, because before Goh can ponder on anything, the woman is by his side, cooing gently.

“Goh, are you okay, sweetheart?”, she asks, and before Goh can answer, Jessie turns her attention to Marcus. “What did you do?”, she asks harshly, and the boy defends himself.

“Nothing! I swear, he tripped by himself”, Marcus says, and Jessie raises her brow.

“And you didn’t help? You’re just standing there pretending it didn’t happen?”, she asks, visibly annoyed, before she turns her attention back to Goh. “Can you stand?”, she asks, putting her hand over Goh’s shoulder, but she retreats her hand right away when Goh flinches at the touch.

Goh shakes his head no, but he really wished he could. The pain in his ankle is unbearable right now, and the way all the ex-classmates heard the whole exchange and started to gather around them doesn’t help his embarrassment.

At this point, Goh just wants to go home. He wants to disappear and never come out again.

“What happened?”, Chloe comes running to them, but the moment her gaze locks on Marcus, she knows what happened.

“Knock it off, Marcus”, Sophia says, and Goh looks up, surprised that one of his former bullies would side with him. 

“We knew taking you here would only cause trouble”, Sam says as he looks concerned at Goh. “Are you okay?, he asks, and Goh shyly nods his head as he hugs his own arms to offer himself some needed comfort.

Marcus scoffs. “You’re siding with that weakling?”

“Hey, Goh is not weak”, Aimee defends, and Goh casts his gaze away as he bites his lips so he won’t cry further. 

He feels he is. Goh feels his breath hitching in his throat as it becomes hard to breathe. With a shaking hand, he grips the necklace to press it to his aching chest. It burns. Everything. The anxiety. The awful words Marcus aims at him. His self-hatred in his mind. The pain in his ankle, in his whole body.

“Pathetic”, Marcus scoffs, and Sophia’s hands curl into fists. 

“Enough! Goh achieved more in only a few years than you ever could in your whole life. The only thing you ever achieved is getting us expelled from school. We were so stupid for listening to you. Don’t you see what your hurtful words do to him? Just stop”, Sophia says, her voice rising, as she stands closer to Goh to show her support.

“Achieved what? Throwing Pokeballs left and right? Does he even take care about all the Pokemon he has thrown those Pokeball at? Everyone has brought a Pokemon here except for him”, Marcus smirks, and Goh grips his necklace tighter. 

He can’t. It hurts. It all hurts. He doesn’t know what hurts more. His twisted ankle or Marcus’ words.

With each word, it’s getting more difficult for Goh to breathe. As much as he gasps for air nothing fills his lungs. His chest rises and falls too quickly. It burns. The memory of what happened a few years ago and the events of today. It all burns his chest. It all burns his heart. Each word leaves a new scar on his heart.

Jessie notices his anxiety. “Goh, sweetheart. You are okay, you are safe. We are all here for you”, Jessie coos, trying to give Goh needed space, but at the same time, trying to offer some comfort. She knows Goh is close to having a panic attack. She knows that what she’s doing is not enough. Goh needs someone else. Someone who knows how to act around him to bring him to reality. “Chloe, please call Ash”.

Goh shakes his head. No, Ash can’t know. Ash can’t see how scared he is. How pathetic he is. Ash can’t see him in this state. Ash can’t see how weak Goh is. 

“Don’t you dare to argue, you’ll thank me later”, Jessie raises her brow as she turns her attention back to Chloe.

Goh tries to protest further, but only a choked sob leaves his mouth. He gives up on uttering any words when Chloe has already her Rotom Phone close to her ear, concern written over her face when she meets his terrified gaze. He’s terrified. He’s scared. He’s hurt. He’s humiliated. He’s embarrassed. He can’t breathe. He thinks he’s dying. It’s all too much. It’s all too much for him to handle.

“Please, pick up…”, she whispers to herself as she still looks at Goh with concern in her green eyes.

🌸

“Okay, time for a break”, Ash yells, and his Pokemon gather around him for the treats that he immediately gives them. “Thanks Charizard for your help, too. Everyone, just don’t tell Goh that we skipped some breaks”, Ash pleads, giving some extra treats for good measure, especially to Pikachu because this little traitor loves Goh too much. “And you better not mention to Goh that I gave you too many berries”, Ash raises his brow at Cinderace, Vee and Grookey, who are happily munching the whole bowls of berries.

Well, at least the Pokemon are happy, right?

“Goh is so killing me over this”, Ash sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, when his Rotom Phone’s call notification catches his attention.

You have a call from Chloe, is getting repeated, and Ash tilts his head in confusion. That’s weird. Are they already coming back from the meeting? Vee and Grookey look up worriedly from the bowl as he shares a worried look with Cinderace before he picks up the call. 

“Yeah, Chloe?”

“Ash? Please, you need to come. Goh got– just please come. I’ll explain when you get there”, Chloe says with panic in her voice, and it doesn’t help Ash right now with understanding what’s going on. Did something happen to Goh? Is he safe? The anxiety already washes over him as his heart skips a bit with how many details Chloe is sparing him right now. She hangs up before Ash can even form any reply.

“No time to waste, I guess”, he mutters to himself before he quickly jumps on Charizard, Pikachu already occupying the familiar spot on his shoulder. “You need to drop me somewhere”, Ash says, and Charizard nods his head, roaring into the sky. “You should go too”, Ash says to Cinderace, who already gathered Vee and Grookey into his arms.

Charizard never flew faster in his life, probably feeling his trainer’s anxiety regarding the call. Only a few claps of his wings, and before they realize, they are already at the Trio’s restaurant. He notices Goh’s shaken and scared figure from above, his hands clutching Charizard’s shoulders too tightly at the sight. 

Ash, not wasting any time, jumps from Charizard midair, yelling found you!, Cinderace right behind him, already finding his distressed trainer. Pikachu jumps from Ash’s shoulder and stands protectively in front of Goh as electricity sparks from his cheeks as a warning to not to get close.

Everyone around gasps in shock and admiration, but Ash couldn’t care less right now. He recalls Charizard back to his Pokeball as he focuses his attention on Chloe, who’s running to him.

“Ash, thank you. Let me explain”, Chloe comes quickly to his side as she whispers into his ear what has happened, not sparing any details this time around. Ash fists his hands as he locks his gaze with Marcus.

“I should’ve Pyro Balled you years ago when I had the chance”, Ash yells, not missing any beat, Cinderace backing him up immediately. Marcus just scoffs under his breath, and Ash almost throws his hands at him, but Chloe stops him just in time to remind him that Goh and his panic attack is the most important right now.

“Hey, Goh, baby, I’m here”, Ash coos, kneeling in front of Goh. “I got your comfort squad”, Ash chuckles, and Vee and Grookey run straight into Goh’s arms. He looks surprised, not fully registering what’s happening and why Vee and Grookey are suddenly with him, but he hugs them tightly as he basks in the comfort they are offering. Ash tries to offer some comfort too by putting a hand over his shoulder, but he’s met with the flinch, like he wouldn’t recognize Ash or his voice yet.

Ash retreats his hand right away. “It’s okay, I got you, I’m here”, Ash whispers as he meets Goh’s terrified eyes instead. Blue to brown, and the tightness on Goh’s chest seems to ease under Ash’s soft gaze with each passing second as Goh finally comes to understand that Ash is here. With him. Chloe must have really called him, and he’s here.

“Ash”, Goh tries to say, but it’s yet another choked sob, and Ash hushes him gently, reminding him that he shouldn’t focus on talking right now, but on breathing instead.

Ash lets Goh rest his head over his shoulder as he carefully hugs Goh with one arm, Grookey and Vee pressed between their bodies offering much needed comfort as well. 

Ash whispers something straight to Goh’s ear, and the boy weakly nods his head, clumsily trying to take some deep breaths. It’s hard. It’s painful. It’s making Goh not think straight, but when Ash is around – it’s easier. It’s easier to deal with it. It’s easier to breathe when Ash is around.

No one knows what’s being said, but each word is meant for Goh anyway.

“Don't focus on what he's saying. What he says is not true. Focus on me, focus on my voice and my breathing. Can you copy the rhythm for me? In and out, just like that”, Ash whispers, moving comforting circles on Goh’s back with his hand. 

“You’re doing so great”, Ash praises, and Goh almost cries on the spot. He’s not doing anything extraordinary, he’s just trying to breathe, and yet, Ash feels so proud of him whenever he succeeds and the needed air fills his lungs.

Each time Goh tries to take a breath, it tickles Ash’s shoulder. Ash chuckles at that as he envelops both arms around Goh’s body now, bringing him closer, hugging him tighter. Vee and Grookey are crushed now in between their bodies, but neither of them are bothered by that. 

There are many muffled voices around them. Goh can pick up Chloe’s harsh voice and Marcus’ teasing one. He shifts uncomfortably in Ash’s hold, and Ash brings Goh’s head close to his chest, covering his ears, so he won’t have to listen to whatever Marcus is saying.

“Focus on me, on my voice”, Ash repeats, so Goh does. 

He focuses on Ash’s presence. His tight grip around his body. His soothing tone, and steady breathing rhythm. He focuses on Vee and Grookey’s presence near his lap, their paws tapping worriedly at Goh’s knees. He focuses on the weight of the anxiety ring on his finger, and the necklace on his chest moving in the same rhythm whenever he tries to take a deep breath.

He’s okay. He can breathe. He slowly starts to feel the ground under his body again whenever Ash whispers something to his ear, and his grip tightens around Goh’s head whenever Marcus still shit-talks something, anger boiling in his veins, but putting it aside, focusing on Goh for now.

Ash moves his hand through Goh’s hair in slow, steady movement. Goh’s lungs fill with air again as Ash still helps him to overcome what’s leftover of the panic attack in his body. They sit, hugging for a little longer, like it would be just the two of them.  

“Better?”, Ash whispers after a moment, and Goh nods his head into his chest, still feeling a little shaken, but a little better than before.

Ash slowly pulls away as he rests his hand over Goh’s cheek to trace a circle where the tears are already dried, and Goh leans into the touch comfortably. Goh meets Ash’s gaze, bright eyes looking into his ones filled with sorrow and pain. Goh offers him a weak smile, and Ash kisses him atop of his head softly.

“I need to check his ankle”, Jessie says, and Ash nods his head, moving slightly to give her more room. Goh grips his arm, scared that Ash plans to leave him, but Ash immediately sits next to him instead and threads their hands together. “I think it’s just strained, it should hurt less when you put an ice pack over it”, Jessie says, being careful to not to touch the hurt ankle more than necessary. “I’ll be right back”, she smiles before she rushes to the restaurant to prepare the ice pack as she promised.

“It’ll hurt less in no time”, Ash reassuringly whispers to Goh before he turns his attention to Marcus, his whole body filling with anger again.

“I think you should leave. You’ve done enough”, Ash says, his tone of voice spitting venom everywhere. Goh grips Ash’s arm tighter.

Marcus just smirks. “How about we battle… Champion”.

Goh winces at the way Marcus called Ash Champion. It’s the way Goh usually calls him – the playful way to tease Ash, but also as a reminder how proud Goh is of him. Now it makes him feel uneasy. Ash must have felt it too, because his whole body stiffened.

“And I think you should leave”, Ash repeats, his voice furious, and Marcus smirks again.

“Running away or should I challenge your sweet little boyfriend instead?”, he asks, fishing his Rotom Phone from his pocket to show his current rank in the World Coronation Series.

Everyone around gasps, surprised. Ash frowns, and Goh grips Ash’s arm again, feeling more uneasy than before.

157th.

“He’s high”, Ash mutters to himself. The grip on Ash’s arm tightens once again. Ash shifts his gaze to meet Goh’s terrified one.

“Please don’t”, Goh whispers, pleading. 

Marcus was always a strong battler. Whenever Goh attended school, he remembers all those battling classes and how Marcus swept everyone effortlessly. And for some reason, this battle match up makes him already nervous even if it hasn’t happened yet. He knows it’s not an official battle, he knows there’s nothing to lose, but just the thought of Ash battling Marcus makes him sick to his stomach.

“I got this”, Ash reassures as he tightens the hold on Goh’s hand. Blue and brown, looking into each other. Goh’s eyes flicker, still terrified, and Ash’s eyes, filled with confidence, try to ease his anxiety. “Trust me”, Ash whispers, and Goh’s eyes widen.

Trust? 

Goh exhales a shaky breath. He always knows that Ash will win. He always believes that Ash will win, but now, it’s scary to think of the outcome of this match, but maybe, maybe he should put his trust in Ash right now and give him the strength he needs.

Ash nods to Goh before he turns his attention back to Marcus. “I accept your challenge”.

Marcus grins hearing the answer. “You should be more of a challenge than the cry baby. I assume your sweet little boyfriend is too weak to even battle”, Marcus laughs, and Goh’s nails dig into the dirt of the ground as he bites his lips. He came such a long way only to be dragged down, and he can’t even defend himself.

There’s another squeeze to his other hand.

“What did you say?”, Ash angrily yells, and Marcus just scoffs.

“You heard me”, he says, not even bothered by the effect his words are having on Goh right now. “But let’s make a deal”, Marcus chuckles, and Ash frowns.

“What deal?”, Ash raises his brow, and Marcus smirks.

“Whatever you want me to do if you’ll win, and it’ll be on my terms if I’ll win”.

“Okay”, Ash breathes out. “If I win, you’re gonna apologize to Goh for what you did to him now, as well as in the past”. There’s a squeeze to Ash’s hand, but Ash puts it aside for now.

Marcus chuckles. “Thankfully, I won’t have to do that because I will win”, Marcus laughs, and Ash raises his brow annoyed.

Marcus has the level of confidence of his when he was travelling through Kanto, Ash thinks. 

“Deal?”, Ash makes sure Marcus won’t run away, but the boy just snorts.

“Deal, deal, whatever. I’m not planning to lose”. 

Ash’s brow twitches with annoyance, but he tries to keep his composure because he knows Marcus does it on purpose.

“What’s your deal?”, Ash asks, ignoring Marcus’ confidence as he squeezes Goh’s hand once more, feeling as it starts to sweat.

“When I win…you’re dropping your Champion title”, Marcus smirks and everyone around gasps at his words. Goh pulls Ash’s hand nervously, but Ash looks unfazed.

“You know, it’s kind of imposs–”

“Deal?”, Marcus asks, impatiently, not even listening to what Ash is saying, and Ash sighs. What a nuisance, he tried to explain something important, but he might as well just play along with Marcus’ stupidity.

“Deal”, Ash confidently says. “Why does dropping my title matter so much to you?”

Marcus shifts uncomfortably under Ash’s piercing gaze, but regains his composure quickly.

“It’s gonna feel like an official win against you in the stadium”, Marcus fists his hand and Ash frowns.

“Maybe instead, you should train hard and meet me in the actual arena. You’re not gonna achieve anything from this”, Ash says, but he’s cut off by Marcus.

“I will achieve enough from it. Satisfaction. Now move your ass to the back garden, they have a battlefield”.

Ash smirks. “Someone’s eager to have their butt kicked”.

Marcus chuckles. “I wouldn’t feel confident if I were you right now.

Ash raises his brow in confusion, and Marcus snorts. “I want you to use cry baby’s Cinderace in this battle”.

Everyone around gasps. There’s some whispers left and right, but Ash is unfazed. There’s a squeeze to his hand, weak and faint. He turns his face to meet Goh’s terrified gaze.

“Ash, don’t. I don’t want you to lose something precious to you”, Goh says, concern filling his voice, but Ash just smiles at him.

Ash chuckles to himself. He knows something that no one else does, but he doesn’t have time to explain it. Well, he tried, but he got cut off, so he needs to act and play along right now, and most importantly, cut Goh’s worries off.

“Seriously, I got this. Besides, I think you forgot that I wanted to lose my title to get you back in my life. You’re the most precious thing in my life, and protecting your pride and honor is the most important thing right now to me”, Ash says, putting a hand over Goh’s cheek, to which Goh leans comfortably. “Me and Cinderace got this, right, buddy?”.

“Cinderace!”

Debatable, thinks Goh. They’ve never officially battled together before. Training? Yes, but it was Goh who was calling out the attacks, or Cinderace was battling on his own. But battling next to Ash? Never.

Goh exhales a shaky breath. He just needs to put his trust into the two most important partners in his life.

🌸

To Goh’s surprise, Ash and Cinderace are a better team than he thought they would be. Goh never expected them to get along really well, but for some reason, they do, and Goh secretly wants to know the reason.

Maybe Cinderace just understands that Ash is an important part of Goh’s life, and he should be responding equally to Ash’s commands like he does to Goh’s. Or maybe Cinderace knows what’s at stake here. Maybe it’s the mutual understanding that with this battle, they are both protecting Goh’s honor. Maybe it’s the desire that’s driving them right now. Or maybe it’s just Ash’s nature to get along with the Pokemon he doesn’t own when there’s a need to work together. Or maybe Cinderace has always liked Ash, but Goh was too blinded to notice it. Either way, it’s impressive how well Cinderace responds to Ash’s commands, how well he trusts Ash right now that he will tell him in the right moment to dodge the attack. They are battling together like they had been doing it for years, and if Goh wouldn’t know that Cinderace is his own Pokemon, he really would think for sure that Cinderace belongs to Ash, just by seeing this battle.

Ever since Cinderace was a little Scorbunny, he and Ash butted heads here and there. Scorbunny kicking his butt, then shamelessly running away. Sometimes, Goh just thought that Ash and Scorbunny co-exist just for Goh’s sake, but the truth is Ash was the one to rush to Scorbunny’s side when he was trying to learn a Fire-type move when Goh was too blinded to notice it. He tried to help, even if the chance of getting his butt kicked was pretty high. When Scorbunny evolved, a lot had changed, there was no more butt kicking, but there was distance, not aimed at Ash, but at Goh. But Raboot enjoyed watching Ash’s battles, and whenever the World Coronation Series was mentioned, and Raboot’s eyes sparked, Goh wondered if he’s the right trainer for Raboot. 

But Ash never saw it this way, he was the one trying to help Goh and Raboot’s strained relationship, clearing the fog above Goh’s head and helping him realize he shouldn’t leave his partner behind without talking about it first. They simply belonged together. Raboot chose Goh, and it was meant to stay that way.

When Raboot evolved into Cinderace, Goh can admit that Cinderace cared more about Lucario than Ash, but whenever Ash needed help in training, Cinderace happily agreed. It never changed, even when the status of Ash and Goh’s relationship has changed. Cinderace noticed the change, and somehow understood the difference, that Ash isn’t just a friend to his trainer now, he’s something more to Goh, and listening to Ash is as important as listening to Goh. But Goh always gives Cinderace only two berries per hour and Ash gives fifteen, and maybe that’s the reason Cinderace can tolerate Ash more.

But deep down maybe, it’s not just tolerating each other. It’s not co-existing like Goh thought it was. They do get along, Goh had just never seen it before. They get along in their own way. They both have more in common than they realize. Goh. When it comes to Goh…they are on the same page. They always will be, and that’s why they both are giving their absolute best in the battle right now.

Goh’s knee is shaking as equally as his hand right now from the stress he’s feeling over the battle. Jessie’s Espeon holds the ice pack over Goh’s ankle with her tail, and the coldness of it is the only thing that helps to ground him so he won’t spiral in anxiety. Both Blastoise and Cinderace are equally exhausted, and it’s only a matter of a few attacks to decide the outcome of the battle. Cinderace, even with the type disadvantage, gave his absolute best, and Goh can’t help but feeling so proud of his partner. They’re both battling for his sake. For his pride, for his honor. If Ash will lose, he made a deal to drop his Champion title, and Goh feels too guilty that it will be because of him. But seeing how calm Ash is about this whole situation, it makes Goh feel more at ease. Maybe there’s more happening behind the closed doors than Goh realizes? Ash should be scared of losing his title, right? Meanwhile, he battles like it would be a friendly match, but with more passion behind his every single move to protect Goh. Why is Ash so calm about all of this? 

Goh exhales a shaky breath as he hugs Vee to his chest tighter. He’s so caught up in his head that he barely registers Ash yelling a terrified watch out in the direction he’s sitting next to Jessie. When he looks up, one of Blastoise’s moves comes his way. His eyes widen, but he feels like he’s paralyzed, he can’t move to react. 

Pikachu jumps from Jessie’s shoulder to aim an Electro Web, but Vee is faster. She entangles herself from Goh’s hold, meeting the attack head on, familiar blue light enveloping her tiny body.

🌸

Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Chapter Text

All you are is mean

And a liar, and pathetic

And alone in life, and mean

🌸

Goh opens his eyes. He’s not hit. He’s not hurt. Hydro Pump is met with Psybeam, and the battlefield is briefly covered in smoke. Vee falls back onto his lap, but she’s heavier. Bigger. Vee is no longer Eevee, she…

“You…evolved”, Goh whispers in awe when the smoke has clears, and Vee is revealed to be Espeon now.

The shock of the situation finally starts to wear off when Espeon leans into his shaking hand. He blinks a few times to process that Vee is no longer a tiny Eevee, but a big and stunning Espeon. Goh eventually hugs her tight and she nuzzles into his chest. There’s a sigh of relief from everyone around, mostly from Ash, who has already turned his attention back to Marcus to scold him.

“You could be more careful!”, he yells angrily, and Macrus just snorts.

“Sorry, my bad”, he says without any remorse in his voice, laughing, and Ash fists his hands. 

“You jerk…”, Ash mutters to himself, but he quickly regains his composure by taking a deep breath. 

Both Blastoise and Cinderace are exhausted, almost at the edge of fainting, and Ash knows he needs to finish it quickly, or else he’s gonna lose. It’s now or never. Only one chance for the last final attack. Ash gave his best in this battle, so did Cinderace, and neither of them are planning to lose it. 

Ash glances at Goh and smiles to himself when he sees Goh hugging his Espeon cheerfully. Ash’s eyes soften at the sight, and Goh finally catches his gaze, and when he looks into his eyes, that’s when he sees it. Pain. Sorrow. Exhaustion. Goh is not okay, his smile is weak and faint. Goh is exhausted both physically and mentally, not only from today’s events, but from the past, and Ash wants to put an end to all of it. He’s planning to win this battle. For Goh. For Goh’s sake. For Goh’s past. For today’s pain Goh has experienced. So does Cinderace. 

“Cinderace!”, Cinderace turns to glance at Ash, who catches his determined gaze. They nod to each other.

“You’re right, let’s finish it!”, Ash says, turning the cap on his head.

“Not a chance!”, Marcus yells. “Blastoise, Hydro Pump!”.

“Let’s do it, Cinderace. Let’s win this for Goh”, Ash whispers before he calls out the last move to attack. “Pyro Ball!”.

Pyro Ball collides with Hydro Pump, and the battlefield is covered with smoke once again. Ash swears he sees Pyro Ball eventually hitting Blastoise, and the Pokemon fainting, but he waits for the smoke to clear to confirm it. He breathes as heavily as Cinderace now, equally tired from the hard battle. Goh breathes heavily too, being nervous about the outcome of the battle. He tries to even his breathing as he patiently waits for the smoke to clear, Espeon close to his chest, Grookey occupying his left shoulder, and Pikachu already climbing to his right to offer much needed reassurance and comfort. Goh closes his eyes for a moment as he grips the necklace in his hand, taking a deep breath. He always believes in Ash. He knows that Ash will win every important battle. From the first glance, this battle might seem not important to other people, but for Ash, it almost felt like every battle he has in stadiums full of people. He was defending Goh, and he did.

When Goh opens his eyes, the smoke slowly starts to clear. He gasps when he sees Cinderace slightly losing his balance and flinching, but Cinderace quickly recovers as he tries to stand still, until it’s confirmed that Blastoise lays fainted and not able to battle any longer.

He is. Everyone around cheers, Jessie hugs Goh with one of her arms, and Goh breathes out in relief.

Ash does too, but quickly runs to Cinderace when the Pokemon falls to the ground afterwards.

Ash scoops him into his arms. “You did so great, I’m so proud of you. Goh is too. Thank you, you deserve thirty more berries when we get home”, Ash proudly whispers before Cinderace mumbles something tiredly as he closes his eyes, and Ash recalls him back to Goh’s Pokeball.

Ash glances at Marcus, who disappointingly recalls Blastoise back to his Pokeball. Ash stands still. He always goes to his opponents and shakes hands, thanking them for the battle. He’s not gonna do this now. Not this time.

“I think we made a deal. You promised something”, Ash says with patience filling his voice that he didn’t know he could find right now.

Marcus scoffs under his breath, but when he opens his mouth to speak, he’s caught off by Goh quickly standing up.

“Ash, wait”, Goh says, breathing out heavily. Everyone turns in surprise to face him. Ash frowns. Goh ignores Jessie’s worried ah, watch out for your ankle, you dummy as he fists his hand, looking over at Marcus. There’s a few minutes that’s filled with tense silence. Marcus raises his brow and Goh finally utters, exhaling a shaky breath. “Let him go, I don’t wanna hear it”, Goh bitterly says, before he clumsily runs from the spot he’s been sitting on back to the restaurant, trying to ignore the pain in his ankle. 

“Ah, Goh, wait”, Ash exclaims, being taken aback, but before he runs after Goh, he confronts Marcus again. “I think you should go, you’re not welcome here”, Ash says, but he’s met with silence. He frowns as Jessie joins his side.

“Go before I call Officer Jenny, I should’ve done it hours ago”, Jessie intervenes, and Marcus scoffs again, but eventually decides to leave, realizing he’s really defeated. 

But before he leaves, he turns to face Ash for the last time. “Let’s meet in the stadium in the future. Despite everything, I enjoyed our battle”.

Ash is taken aback by his words, but he nods his head. His hand turned into fist as he watched Marcus walk away in the distance, but Jessie put her hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

“Let’s focus on Goh now”, she says, concerned, and Ash nods his head. 

He exhales a shaky breath as he walks into the restaurant, anger still lingering in his body.

🌸

Goh bites the sob that’s almost escaping his lips. Tears already stream down his face as he tries to ignore the unbearable pain in his ankle. It burns. It hurts. Everything. He doesn’t want to hear dishonest apologies filled with bitterness. He doesn’t want to hear anything. He doesn’t want to see Marcus’ face ever again. He wants to disappear. He wants to get rid of the pain. He wants to escape.

He runs into James, who watches him with concern in his eyes. He smiles at him warmly. “Rough day, twerpy?”, he asks, and Goh nods his head weakly.

“Hide me somewhere. I need to be alone for a moment”, Goh pleads, and James tilts his head in confusion, but eventually he points to the cupboard they’re standing next to.

“It’s empty”, James chuckles and without further thinking, Goh crawls into the cupboard, and James closes it gently with his knee, continuing washing the dishes.

It’s embarrassing. That Goh needs to plead for a moment of privacy to his former enemy in a big, empty cupboard. It’s embarrassing how Ash and Cinderace had to protect his pride. It’s embarrassing how Goh couldn’t stand for himself and let Marcus’ words get to him. It’s embarrassing how everyone has seen him in such a pathetic state. It’s embarrassing what a failure Goh is.

Goh hugs his knees as he lets his body shake with every sob that escapes his lips, but he bites his lips as he hears familiar footsteps and voices getting closer and closer.

“James, have you seen Goh?”, Ash asks, visibly nervous and concerned. He feels his aura near, but he can’t find his partner anywhere like he would vanish into thin air. 

Espeon and Grookey mumble disappointingly too, and James looks at them symphatically. He sighs to himself and points briefly to the cupboard, whistling and focusing on the dishes again.

Ash tilts his head, but he gently opens the cupboard to reveal shaking and crying Goh. Goh looks up, startled, his red and puffy eyes meeting Ash’s sympathetic gaze.

“Seriously? Cupboard?”, Ash chuckles and Goh nods his head quickly, not being bothered by Ash’s presence anymore. “Can I squeeze in?”.

“If you have to”, Goh mumbles, and Ash crawls into the cupboard as well, telling Espeon and Grookey to stay outside and give Goh the space he needs right now.

“I don’t have to, I want to”, Ash says, letting Goh rest his head on his shoulder. He gently moves his hand through Goh’s hair, fidgeting from time to time with the ponytail. There’s a comfortable silence around them that’s filled with only Ash’s breathing and Goh’s occasional sniffing. But Ash knows it needs to be broken.

“How do you feel?”, he asks, whispering, like he would be afraid that someone will find their hideout. He doesn’t ask are you alright?, because Ash knows Goh isn’t alright. A lot of time has to pass for Goh to feel alright again, but if Goh feels something else, Ash wants to know what it is to help and be there for him.

Goh sniffs. “Awful. My outfit’s ruined and I liked it because you chose it and you– spent lots of money on it and now it’s dirty and ruined”.

Ash raises his brow. “Among everything you care about your outfit now? In all honesty, I don’t give a fuck about that it’s ruined, it can be washed. I’m glad I have you safe with me now. That’s all that matters to me now”.

Goh exhales a shaky breath. “It’s just the tip of the iceberg, Ash”. He lets out another shaky breath. “I…I feel so… worthless”, Goh eventually utters, crying even harder at the last word he has said. Ash just hugs him tighter. “I spent the last few weeks facing my past, but when it really stood in front of me, I couldn’t even fight those monsters around me. I just let myself be dragged down further”.

“That’s not true”, Ash whispers as he gently strokes Goh’s hair. “Some monsters from the past aren’t meant to be fought alone, and being in need of someone protecting you and defending you isn’t any sign of weakness. I’m really proud of you. You don’t see it now, but you’re so strong. Incredibly strong…because you went here in the first place to face the past of your childhood and see all those people, even if it was hard for you”.

Goh doesn’t reply to that, but instead, he melts further into Ash’s embrace to bask in his comfort more. 

They stay like that for a while, before Chloe finally finds them – or rather, James gave away their hideout, pretending it wasn’t him.

“Seriously? Cupboard?”, Chloe raises her brow, but she smiles at them afterwards. “We were planning to continue the meet up, but if Goh wants to come home, we can go–”.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll stay”, Goh says, and Chloe looks at him, concerned.

“Are you sure? How’s your ankle?”, Chloe asks, still visibly worried, but Goh cuts her worries off.

“I’m sure if I take it easy, it’ll stop hurting in no time. Besides, Ash is now with me, so I’ll be fine. I’m happy to stay and have some more fun”, Goh says, and both Chloe and Ash try not to show concern about how Goh’s voice cracked at the word fun.

There’s no denying that the meet up wasn’t as fun for Goh so far at all, and Chloe can’t stop thinking that it’s her fault.

But Goh smiles that kind of smile that partially cuts off Chloe’s worries, so she offers him a warm smile as well.

Ash helps Goh to crawl back from the cupboard and they slowly – as slowly as they can to not strain Goh’s ankle further – make their way back to the garden. They are met with concerned looks, but Ash pleads with them not to give Goh any attention right now, but the space he needs. 

Goh sits under the nearby tree, and Ash hugs him from behind as Espeon, Grookey and Pikachu curl next to them to take a nap. Ash strokes Goh's hair delicately as they watch everyone play some games and just have fun. Goh feels so comfortable in Ash’s warm embrace that he could fall asleep. No one minds that. Goh deserves all the rest he needs. 

When he’s on the edge of closing his eyes completely and dozing off, he hears a quiet, but soft you’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now whispered straight to his ear.

🌸

Cerise Laboratory was never filled with more tension than how it is now. Ash tries to focus on the dinner in front of him, but the anger that still fills his body makes it impossible to do so.

Chrysa and Ren stopped their research after hearing what happened. Professor Cerise is in the middle of the phone call with Goh’s family. And Goh? Goh should be upstairs, taking a shower and having some rest, but instead, he’s downstairs, hiding behind the wall and listening to the conversation that’s happening right now.

“Did any of you know that he would be there?”, Ash asks angrily, accenting every word with ramming the fork in the noodles on his plate. Chloe flinches. Gary sips his juice, biting the straw from time to time, but still being calm, even with the tension around. Aimee considers leaving. She never expected the World Champion to be so angry. But he’s not the World Champion now, he’s Goh’s partner right now, and all the anger he feels now is justified.

“Ash, I swear, I had no idea. If I had known, I wouldn’t have brought him with me”, Chloe says truthfully, and Ash believes her. He sighs as he stops ruining his dinner, and moves the plate towards Pikachu.

Ash raises his brow at Aimee who, for some reason, got really quiet.

“I’m sorry”, she eventually says, and Ash closes his eyes so the anger won’t take over him and he won’t yell at the girl in front of him. “I heard about the possibility of him going too when the meet up was just getting planned, but I never thought he would really come”.

Ash pinches the bridge of his nose. “Why even invite him if you knew what kind of a person he is and what he has already done to Goh in the past?”

“I’m sorry, we thought that after all these years, he had…changed, like Sam or Sophia. I’d never expect him to pick on Goh again. I’m so sorry, I’ll apologize to Goh as soon as he comes downstairs”, Aimee says, remorse filling her voice, but Ash shakes his head.

“Don’t you think it’s too late to apologize?”, Ash asks, still upset, and Aimee falls silent, casting her gaze away. “The damage’s already done. Goh is…”. Vulnerable. Fragile. Easy to break. Always breaks into tiny pieces. But no matter what, Ash will always take Goh’s broken pieces and put them together, so Goh can feel like himself again.

“He’s so caught up in his head. He’s gonna….he already feels awful. You don’t know what this jerk’s words did to him”, Ash says, frustrated, and Aimee bites her lips, not feeling any courage to utter any more words.

Gary looks over at Ash, his expression somewhat regretful as he sits next to him, putting the juice aside.

“Something to add, Gary?”, Ash asks, still frustrated, and Gary shakes his head, not wanting to be on the receiving end of Ash’s anger. He does speak though.

“Do you think I was too hard on Goh in the past?”, Gary asks, and Ash frowns. “With my teasing, you know. I never knew he was…”, Gary doesn’t even dare to finish the sentence. He doesn’t need to. Ash understands, and he always read Gary’s intentions in the right way.

“You’re different, Gary. Your words always push someone forward, not drag someone down”, Ash smiles at him sympathetically, and Gary nods his head as he takes the juice’s straw to his mouth to chew on it again.

Chloe listens to the whole conversation in silence as she strokes Sylveon’s fur with slow movements, before she realizes something. She looks over at Ash. “You weren’t afraid, Ash”.

Ash tilts his head, confused.

“About the possibility of losing your title, I mean. That deal was…dangerous”, she says, and Ash just snorts.

“I can’t just exactly drop my Champion title just like that, Chloe. I mean, I can, but it’s a lot of paperwork to do. It’s more difficult than to just lose it through an official battle. When I was…planning to reunite with Goh after I hid in Alola, that’s why I wanted to lose the official battle. It’s the easiest way to lose it”, Ash says as he pets Pikachu a few times. “So, I couldn’t just go to Leon and say hey, I made a dumb deal with some loser and he told me to drop my title when I lost against him, do you hear how stupid it sounds, Chloe?”.

Chloe laughs at that. “You really thought it through, Ash, haven’t you?”.

“I wanted to explain it, but that loser didn’t listen to me, so well, his bad”, Ash murmurs, still petting Pikachu. “I wasn’t defending my title, Chloe, I was defending Goh. From all these awful words. From all of that humiliation. He didn’t deserve it. Neither now or in the past”.

Chloe nods her head as she smiles at him kindly.

“Besides, I'd rather do that deal than go to jail for committing a murder”, Ash says, some seriousness filling his voice, and Chrysa scolds him from the other part of the room.

“Ash, behave!”

“What? He deserves the worst”, Ash quietly admits, and for some reason, no one tries to argue with him. Deep down, everyone agrees. Even Professor Cerise, who just finished the phone call with Goh’s parents.

“I have a feeling Ms. Camillie and Mr. Walker would agree with you, Ash. They want to take legal actions against Marcus”, Professor Cerise says, and Ash’s hand turns into fist. 

“I have a feeling that Hydro Pump aimed at Goh wasn’t accidental”, Ash mutters to himself, but everyone hears it just fine.

Professor Cerise puts a hand over Ash’s shoulder. “Then every little thing that could be proof will be helpful for Goh’s parents to get what he deserves”.

Ash nods his head as his hand still absentmindedly pets Pikachu.

“Well, one good thing came from all of it”, Gary chuckles as he strokes Espeon under her chin. “Vee evolved”.

“Yeah, you’re right”, Ash smiles softly. “How about you bring Goh down for dinner?”, Ash pets Espeon as well, and she jumps from Gary’s lap to go upstairs.

But the way she hesitated and looked left instead of going upstairs made Ash confused. He frowns as Espeon wiggles her tail and still looks at one certain spot. Goh shows her silently with his finger to not blow his hideout. It’s too late. Ash knows he’s here, but he’s not gonna confront Goh about it now. He’ll do it later.

🌸

Goh looks bitterly at the last written page of his diary. What’s past is past. He had hidden the diary back in the drawer a few weeks ago when he made up with Ash and wasn’t planning to touch it anymore. He didn’t feel any need to, but maybe with today’s events, the past isn’t only the past anymore when he couldn’t even properly face it. Goh bites his lips so they won’t quiver as he, with a swift movement, almost tears the page off, but a warm familiar hand stops him in time before he can do it. Goh looks up teary-eyed to meet Ash’s concerned gaze. Goh was so caught up in his head that he didn’t even register Ash coming back to the room.

Ash smiles at Goh sympathetically as he sits next to him, hugging him from the side with his arm. He carefully takes the diary with his other hand to put it aside so Goh won’t damage it in the frustration he feels right now.

“Your parents called me and said you won’t pick up their calls”, Ash says, delicately tracing his thumb over Goh’s arm, and Goh exhales a shaky breath. 

“I know why they are calling me”, Goh quietly admits and Ash chuckles.

“I know you know. I know you were eavesdropping”, Ash says, and Goh looks up at him, terrified. Ash just hugs him tighter as he kisses him atop of his head.

“I’m not upset”, Ash whispers, and Goh exhales another shaky breath, and watches his partner in concern. “How do you feel?”.

Goh doesn’t know how he feels in all honesty, but all he knows is that he feels worthless. He thought he moved on from his past. He thought he somehow healed, but now, moving on from his awful past doesn’t matter anymore when he couldn’t even face Marcus properly. Goh wishes he could burn his past and start his life all over again.

Goh hugs his knees as he whispers. “I feel like all the progress I’ve made doesn’t matter anymore, feels like I’m at the starting line again”.

Ash tightens the grip around Goh’s body. “Maybe you just…maybe you don’t see your progress because you always raise the bar”.

Goh’s eyes widen as he reflects on Ash’s words. Is it true that he’s always blinded to see his progress because he’s constantly avoiding to acknowledge it? Maybe. But Marcus’ words had cut harder than any knife through his skin, through his heart. It hurt to listen to them, they’re constantly replaying in Goh’s hazy head.

“I think it’s worth taking a moment to look back on what you have already achieved. You achieved lots. There were many things you thought were impossible, but you did it”, Ash gives the last final squeeze to Goh’s body before he decides to give him some space again. “You could at least release Cinderace from his Pokeball. You haven’t done that since we came back here”, Ash points out before he leaves the room, and Goh is left alone again. He glances at the Pokeball laying at the table, still untouched. 

With a sigh, he carefully gets up from the bed and takes the Pokeball into his shaky hand. He stares at it absentmindedly as he gets deep in thought again.

He doesn’t want to look back on what he has achieved. It doesn’t matter anymore. He doesn’t want to reflect on his past, he wants to burn it. 

Goh opens his closet and stares at something in it, something that brings him the most pain when he’s looking at it. He really wants to burn it.

🌸

Goh releases Cinderace as he throws his old school uniform, alongside his diary, onto the grass. Cinderace looks in concern at his frustrated trainer, still seemingly hurt and in pain.

“Burn it”, Goh says, harshly, and Cinderace hesitates. He shakes his head, terrified, and Goh raises his brow.

“I said, burn it”, Goh hisses through his teeth, and Cinderace still refuses to do so. “Okay, I’ll do it instead”, Goh says, his voice trembling as he holds the lighter in his shaking hand.

“Goh, don’t”, Ash cautiously says, coming a little closer to his partner, but not too close so he won’t startle him.

Aimee, Chloe and Gary keep their distance as they watch the whole scene with concern in their eyes from afar.

“Please, put down the lighter. You’re gonna regret it”, Ash quietly says, and Goh’s hands curl into fists. 

“Regret what?”, Goh yells, his shoulders slightly raised, his hands still fisted as he stares at the ground. He doesn’t have the courage to look Ash in the eyes to admit that he’s right. “You have no idea how it feels”, Goh bitterly utters, and Ash takes a step closer.

“I…whenever I look at it, all I feel is his hand pushing me to the ground, reminding me of how weak I am, seeing all the bad memories that I am tight with. All I hear is his voice, replying his words in my head, repeating them until I believe that they are true. What else am I if not weak and pathetic? I couldn’t stand up for myself, all I did was cry and let myself be dragged down further. Maybe I am a crybaby after all”, Goh says, each word burning his throat as he utters them. 

He says them until they get stuck in his throat, until he chokes on them, until it’s too much for him to handle and he falls onto the ground crying, clutching the lighter hard in his hand. Ash, immediately by his side, delicately eases the hold and takes the lighter into his pocket. 

Goh clutches onto Ash now, and he’s getting pulled closer instantly. He hides his head into Ash’s chest, and Ash hugs him tight as he shields Goh from all the pain and world around. Goh sobs hard, letting it all out. He wets Ash’s shirt with his tears, but Ash doesn’t mind. He moves gentle circles on Goh’s back to help him calm down, whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

“I’m sure you have some good memories with your uniform too. Focus on them, you can do it. Remember when you met Chloe? You said in the diary that she was the first one to approach you, to try to be your friend, and look, she’s here with you, supporting you to this day. Remember when she caught Eevee? She got her first ever partner in front of our eyes. Remember how proud we felt of her? Remember when you did your project about me? You embarrassed me in front of everyone, you made everyone laugh with your silly drawings of me and Pokemon. Everyone loved it so much. We met Regina that day, remember? She went through the same thing as you, and look how beautifully she healed alongside Glaceon. You’re healing too. Everyday. Don’t make one bad day define your progress. You’ve come so far, I’m so proud of you. And if there is another voice in your head, tearing you apart right now, talking you down – I want you to focus on my voice instead. Just like that, you’re doing so great”.

Goh breathes heavily as he tries to focus on Ash’s voice, on his praises and on his comforting hold. Cinderace comes closer hesitantly, but Ash nods his head to reassure that it’s okay. He puts his paw on one of Goh’s shoulders to offer some comfort as well, and Goh reaches for his paw to put his hand over it as a form of apology.

Beautifly flies above them as it decides to sit on Ash’s head. Ash chuckles at that before he whispers a soft hey, look to Goh, and the boy follows his gaze teary-eyed.

“You know, Beautifly never see the color of their wings. They’re not aware of how beautiful they are, but we – humans – see it, we praise them everyday, we see how stunning they are. You're my little Beautifly, you know? You might think you’re not good enough, that you’re weak, but I…I see how special you are, and I’m happy to remind you how beautiful your wings have spread since your childhood, since the day we met”, Ash smiles, and Goh’s lips quiver as the last sob escapes his lip. His head falls back into Ash’s chest as he mutters a quiet stop.

“It’s so cheesy. It’s so embarrassing that it works every time”, Goh mutters some more, and Ash laughs before he kisses Goh atop of his head as he tightens his hold around his body.

Another kiss to Goh’s head before the boy eventually pulls away, wiping the rest of the tears from his puffed eyes. Ash puts his hand over Goh’s cheek, and he leans comfortably into the touch. He wipes the last tear that has fallen from Goh’s eye with his thumb as he leans to place a soft kiss on Goh’s lips. It’s supposed to be a quick peck, but Goh deepens the kiss. It’s salty from all the tears that have fallen all over Goh’s face and lips, but Ash will gladly share all of Goh’s pain in any way.

Ash glances at Goh's uniform, still laying untouched on the grass, an idea sparking in mind already. He really will share all of Goh’s pain in any way.

🌸

And Ash really means it. Once Goh finally decides he’s ready to eat something, Ash walks into the dining room, casually wearing Goh’s school uniform like he would be used to wearing it everyday. Goh almost chokes on the food, Chloe laughs, and Gary shamelessly takes a lot of photos to tease him about it in the future.

Pikachu jumps on Ash’s shoulder as he twirls to show off. “So how do I look?”.

“Actually, it really suits you”, Chloe admits. “Right, Goh?”, she says his name slowly on purpose. 

But Goh has to admit that it does look really good on Ash, and maybe…maybe Goh likes the way it looks on Ash. He despised when he had to wear it. Despised the way it always felt like it was caging him. Part of the reason he only started to like wearing it was because Ash said that it looked great on him.

So Goh says it back. “It looks great on you”, Goh eventually offers, his face covered in a delicate pink blush for some reason.

Ash winks. “You’ve got to admit, everything looks good on me”, Ash teasingly says, and Goh’s face gets even redder than before. So he still remembers, huh? He hides his red face into his hands, but Ash is quick to take Goh’s hands away and just stare at him.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?”, Goh mutters, embarrassed, and Ash laughs.

“But I’m your idiot”, Ash winks, and Goh chuckles at that as he kisses Ash’s cheek.

“Thank you”, he eventually whispers and Ash smiles at him. 

Ash is not sure what Goh is thanking him for. For comforting him. For helping him to overcome his panic attack. For protecting him. For defending him when he was feeling powerless. For not losing the battle. For all the reassuring words. Maybe for not letting him destroy the uniform and diary. Or maybe for wearing the uniform now and trying to make some good memories with it. Or maybe for everything, everything Ash did for Goh today. 

Either way, Ash would do it all over again.

“Anytime”, he whispers back, kissing Goh’s forehead, and Goh giggles when Ash repeats the kiss a few times more. He stops when he realizes Gary is still taking the photos, but this time, of both of them. He shoots him a killing look. “Gary!”.

Gary snorts. “Chill out, Ashy. It’s gonna be a nice photo to put up here. Good reminder for Goh, too”, Gary points out as he shows the photo to both of them, and Goh’s eyes soften at seeing it.

“You’re right”, Goh says softly, and Ash smiles, eventually agreeing. “Let’s print it”, Goh proposes, but when he tries to move, Espeon nudges his leg, holding his Rotom Phone in her mouth.

“What is it, Espe?”, Goh tilts his head, taking his Rotom Phone into his hand and checking it. It has so many voicemails left, and Goh feels guilty about ignoring his parents like that.

“I think she wants you to call your parents”, Ash suggests, and Goh presses his lips together. Espeon joins Sylveon and Umbreon for a nap, and Goh shifts his gaze to her before he turns his attention back to his phone.

“I just don’t think that I want it to escalate into something bigger”, Goh quietly admits, and Ash puts his hand over Goh’s shoulder to offer some comfort.

“I think it’s worth talking about it to your parents, then. After all, we all want what you think it’s the best for you, but think it through, ‘kay?”, Ash smiles and Goh nods his head. 

“Okay, I’ll talk with them”, Goh says, trying to keep the tremble out of his voice as he steps to another room to finally give a call to his parents.

Meanwhile, after Chloe prints the photos, she decides to put one into the photo album she owns. She shows some photos to Ash, who watches them with curiosity. Gary pets his napping Umbreon as he turns his attention to the album as well. He frowns seeing a familiar face.

“Wait, that’s him? Then, I know this guy”, he says, and both Chloe and Ash turn to face him, surprised. “The name itself sounded familiar, but I thought it was just a coincidence, but now I know it’s not”.

Umbreon peeks through one of her eyes when Gary’s moves on her head get a little rougher. He apologizes to her right away, letting her continue the nap, and stroking her head gentler now.

“When I visited Danika once, I came across him when he tried his luck with Project Mew. He didn’t even pass the mission to see if he’s qualified to be the member. He asked Danika if he could get another chance, but she denied it. I talked with him for a moment, and encouraged him to try next year. We exchanged numbers and that’s all”, Gary says, and anger starts to boil in Ash’s veins as he fists his hands.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Gary?”, Ash asks, anger filling his voice, and Gary nods his head.

“That it’s not accidental? Absolutely”, Gary says, and Chloe starts to feel more uneasy with each word.

“Goh was…always open about Mew and his desire to meet it again and catch it. Do you think Marcus tried to sneak into Project Mew to potentially meet Goh on purpose?”, Chloe asks, some concern filling her voice, and Gary nods his head. “But after all these years? I don’t get why…”

Gary bites his lips slightly as he stares at one number in his phone, anger filling his body as well. “Let me do a quick phone call”, he casually says as Ash catches his wrists into his hand.

“What are you gonna do?”, he raises his brow, and Gary smirks.

“Teach that jerk a lesson”, he says as he leaves the room, Rotom Phone already close to his ear. “Ah, Marcus, long time no see…”.

You little piece of shit, is heard afterwards, and Chloe and Ash share a satisfied, but somewhat still concerned look. Two minutes don’t even pass when Gary is already back in the room, muttering a quiet what a bonehead as he sits on one of the chairs like the talk didn’t even happen, opening another juice and sipping it through the straw.

“How did it go?”, Chloe snorts, and Gary raises his brow.

“I said if he will ever get close to Goh again, I’ll cut his di–”.

“Gary!”, Chrysa scolds, but smirks under her breath as she shakes her head to herself.

“Did I miss something?”, Goh interrupts, coming back to the room, confused, and Gary just chuckles.

Ash shares a quick look with Gary, and they both nod in understanding to each other to not to mention anything to Goh right now. It will be for the best for now, Ash can talk about it to him later. When they’re alone. When he’s feeling better. When everything that happened will sink in, but for now, Ash wants to savor a small smile curling on Goh’s lips as Chloe shows him the photo they put up on the counter.

🌸

Goh brushes Cinderace’s fur with extra care tonight, the battle wounds already treated, and Ash brings the full bowl of berries he had promised earlier. 

“Here, for such a good battle”, Ash chuckles, and Cinderace exclaims happily, but he shares the bowl with Pikachu, Grookey, Zorua and Espe. 

Goh rolls his eyes. Now he knows why the jar is almost empty, but deep down, he agrees that Cinderace deserves more berries than usual for the awesome battle, so this time, he will let it slide. But next time, he will hide the jar even higher.

“I put the uniform back in the closet, and your diary is back in the drawer as well”, Ash says as he sits next to Goh, and Goh immediately finds comfort in his embrace. There’s a kiss to his neck and to his freshly cut and shortened hair. Ash fidgets with them, seemingly regretting that Chloe has made the cut already, but Goh is beautiful either way, and definitely more comfortable with his usual shorter hair than longer ones, so it’s all that matters to Ash.

Goh is quieter now than usual, but Ash doesn’t mind that. It’s been…a hard and emotionally tiring day, so if Goh is gonna sleep in the next day, no one will blame him for it, but for now, Goh is basking in Ash's comfort and his Pokemon company. Cinderace is done eating the berries, and he’s dozing off next to Lucario now. Zorua and Espe decided to have some rest under the nearby tree as well. Grookey and Pikachu bicker about who-knows-what. Beautifly and Butterfree are flying above them, slowly preparing to call it a day as well. Most of his and Ash’s Pokemon are already fast asleep, and Goh feels it will be different for him, that tonight will be a sleepless night for him. Absol must feel that something’s wrong, because she’s looking worriedly at Goh as she comes to his side and lays next to him. Goh pets her absentmindedly as he still reflects on today’s events. He exhales a shaky breath, and Ash tightens his hold around Goh’s body right away.

“Ash? What if…Jessie didn’t notice that something was wrong? Do you think he would’ve… hurt me?”, Goh asks, and in all honesty, Ash doesn't know if there’s a right answer to it. He settles on staying silent for now, but Goh doesn’t mind as he looks up to the dark sky above them, continuing to talk. “I’m so tired of it all. Of what happened in the past. Of what happened today, and you even told me that he probably planned something in advance because he tried to be a part of Project Mew. Ash…I’m so scared”, Goh says quietly as his eyes fill with tears. 

“Your parents will do whatever they can so he gets what he deserves”, Ash says as he kisses Goh’s shoulder blade. “Besides, you got me. I won’t let him touch you while I’m around”, there’s a squeeze to Goh’s waist, and Goh feels a little less afraid, more safe with Ash next to him.

“Chloe said, our classmates felt guilty about the whole thing, so they all agreed to do another meet up soon, without him. She said some of them are even interested in visiting Cerise Park and seeing all the Pokemon I’ve caught. I think that’s cool that someone wants to see me and see what I achieved”, Goh says, a small smile curling onto his face, and Ash chuckles, kissing him atop of his head.

“Yeah, it is cool”, Ash smiles as he looks up at the sky as well. A gentle breeze blows around them. Goh shivers a little, and Ash hugs him tighter. There’s no point in urging Goh to go inside now, he probably wants to stay outside to stargaze, so he offers as much heat as he can. He can go and grab a blanket in a few minutes, but for now, he doesn’t want to leave Goh all by himself, so he stays next to him to offer as much comfort as he can.

So far, the sky is starless, and Goh has closed his eyes for a moment, but every time he closes them, he sees a familiar face, he hears all the awful words he’s saying to him. Goh’s eyes snap open as his body slightly shakes, and Ash strokes Goh’s hair with slow movements to calm him down. There’s another squeeze to Goh’s body as Ash whispers some reassurance into his ear.

Goh knows he shouldn’t believe all those words. They weren’t true. He's not weak. He’s not pathetic. He’s not a weakling for showing his emotions, but still…

Goh bites his quivering lips as he grips the necklace on his shirt to calm himself down. He looks over at his shaking hand. Absol nudges him delicately, concerned, and Goh strokes her head a few times.

Ash glances at him worriedly. “Are you okay?”.

Goh exhales a shaky breath. “I just…I can’t stop my hand from shaking. I was so nervous before, and it was already shaking hard when the whole thing happened. Guess I’m still feeling anxious about the whole thing more than I realized, even now when he’s not around and it’s just you and me”, Goh says, still looking over at his trembling hand, and before he realizes, it’s threaded with Ash’s hand and put over his lap.

Goh looks over at him, stunned, like somewhat holding hands would be a new thing for them. It’s not, it’s something he’s used to doing on a daily basis, but for some reason, it made Goh’s heart skip a bit. Ash traces the underside of his hand with his thumb delicately, and Goh shifts his gaze to their intertwined hands, looking at it softly. It's nice, comforting. Reassuring. Ash’s hand is warm, strongly secured around his own, and it helps to fade some of Goh’s worries and anxiety away. 

“I feel it already shaking less when I’m holding it”, Ash quietly admits as he lays them over the grass so they can have a better view of the stars that have already started to appear in the sky. 

Goh nuzzles his head into Ash’s chest to bask into his warm embrace more. “Yeah, I feel it too”.

There’s a few minutes of silence where they are just admiring the starry sky. Just two of them, laying on the grass, surrounded by sleeping Pokemon, and Goh finds a lot of comfort in that. He’s safe here. 

There’s another kiss to his head. He’s not alone. He never was. There are new scars on his heart. Today was a day that made it seem like all his progress so far was worthless, but it’s not. He’s come so far, and one bad day doesn’t define the progress he’s made. He’s healing, slowly, but he’s healing and trying to move on. 

Goh believes that one day, he will heal completely, and he knows there always will be someone…someone who always will share all the pain and this hard journey with him.

“Ash? Thank you, you always give me more than just a hand to hold”.

🌸

When I count the scars, there's a moment of truth

That there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you