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For a place called the "Dark World," Castle Town sure did feel bright tonight. Susie could still hear music from the distance, carrying through the castle walls that deadened but failed to completely block out the sound. The blue torchlight flickered off the walls around her, too bright and too cold when she usually found it comforting. A lot of things were like that today.
The door to Susie’s room clicked shut behind her as she stepped inside. She ran her hands over the handle, discovering that Ralsei had in fact provided her with a way to lock it. It was… nice to see. She hadn’t thought Ralsei would think of that. He didn’t strike her as the kind of guy to see locks as necessary, especially not in a place like Castle Town. The fact that he’d thought to give her one made her feel a lot warmer than something that small probably should have.
She clicked the lock and tried the handle to make sure the door really couldn’t be opened. She wasn’t going to get anywhere if she kept getting interrupted. Nevermind that there was almost no chance of anyone trying to randomly enter her room at this hour, or that none of the Darkners who knew she was here would have any reason to track her down. After everything that had happened, Susie wasn’t about to act like she had no reason to be paranoid.
She stepped back from the door, looking down at the pair of glasses held in her hand. From the outside, the lenses were clearly colored. According to Ralsei, they always looked like that, even when she was wearing them, which meant that she had no way of telling if Spamton was actually “present” from the outside. She considered putting them back on, then remembered what he had subjected her to in Tenna’s room and decided against it.
After a moment of consideration, she tossed him onto her bed and left him there. She needed to talk to him, and she would, just… she needed a second. Normally, she would’ve been more careful with him, but he was fair game for thrashing as far as she was concerned, considering he’d just treated her to an eye-level fireworks show.
The Jevilstail swished behind her. She wondered if it was him, intentionally, trying to tell her something the way Spamton did. Frankly, when it came to Jevil, she wasn’t sure he was in there at all. He’d said something about “sleeping for a thousand years” or whatever. So maybe he was just… permanently dormant now. She wasn’t sure she loved that idea. When she really thought about it, she preferred the idea that they were both awake and watching. That they were actively there, choosing to help , instead of just being dragged around.
Suddenly feeling awkward about it, she pulled the Jevilstail off and laid it gently on the bed next to the Dealmaker. If he was in there, he could probably use a break, right? She’d just leave him there for a bit. Besides, if he really was asleep, he wouldn’t mind either way.
She leaned her axe against the wall as well, because if she was going to take off all her armor she might as well stop lugging the thing around. Her gaze lingered on the Dealmaker for a moment before she tore her eyes away. Not yet. She was just delaying the inevitable she knew, but her nerves were still on fire and she couldn’t quite bring herself to confront him yet.
She didn’t want to run the risk of him not responding and throwing her back to square one. Or of him deciding it wasn’t worth the trouble and just ditching them, because how was she supposed to explain that to Kris and Ralsei?
She didn’t want to risk that he would respond. Every time she glanced down at the Dealmaker, his grating voice rang out in her ears. Deals and souls and puppeteers. Heaven and freedom, freedom he had seemed so close to reaching until… She didn’t know what the deal was with the freaky puppet, but she didn’t like it. And she got the feeling that it was one of those things that only got worse the more you learned. Just like that stupid prophecy.
She made her way over to the fridge that Ralsei had thrown into her room, trying to ignore the quickening of her heart rate. Opening it revealed it to be filled to the brim with food now, practically overflowing. Ralsei must’ve added to it after their recent adventure, because Susie didn’t remember there being this much the first time.
It was almost overwhelming, if she was being honest. Opening the fridge and finding it fully stocked, with choices and fresh food that wasn’t even close to its expiration date (if food in the Dark World even expired?). She even spotted an entire cake taking up the center of one of the shelves. Had Ralsei just gone straight home to bake it? Maybe he was a stress-baker? It would make sense. She appreciated the gesture, she supposed, but found it just a bit disheartening that the entire cake seemed to be intact. Had he really felt like he needed to make a whole separate cake just for her? She would’ve been fine with just a piece. Or maybe he only made one cake and didn’t even try it for himself? Neither option was one that she liked. She worried about him. Especially after what they had seen in the church.
She reached into the fridge door and dug up what seemed to be a soda of some variety. Judging by its sleek design, silver with green lines tracing over it like those on a motherboard, it probably came from Cyber City. She turned it over in her hands a couple times, then decided to take her chances and popped the tab.
The soda tasted like what she imagined radio static would taste like. “Carbonated” was the understatement of the century. The moment the drink hit her tongue, she lost all feeling in her mouth. It burned its way down her throat with a sensation not unlike swallowing a sparkler. Faintly, she could detect the slightest hint of a flavor. It tasted like the concept of a lemon, as if someone had blended a lemon-flavored sourpatch kid and then irradiated the resulting slop. All in all, the drink was pretty good. She’d have to ask Ralsei where she could get a couple more.
She chugged the drink in one go and threw the crumpled can onto the ground. She went to leave it there, then thought better of it and ate the can too. Ralsei had put a lot of work into the room. It would be a waste to get it dirty that quickly. Whatever the can was made of was a lot more fragile than whatever bullshit the cans in the Light World were made of, which did make it easier to chew. But she did kind of miss the texture.
Can consumed, she took a deep breath and turned back around. The Dealmaker stared up at her from where it had landed on the bed. The fact that it was glasses made the whole thing worse, because it looked like it was staring right at her. If she narrowed her eyes at it, she could place Spamton’s face behind it. It was burned into her memory, the terror of the battle carving his face into her mind so completely that she didn’t think she could forget it if she tried.
“Alright, jackass,” she began. She stalked over to the bed and stood above the Dealmaker. “Start talking.” The glasses stared at her, unblinking and unwavering, without even the slightest movement to indicate that he had heard. She stared down at him and her teeth ground together with equal parts anger and desperation. “You don’t get to just show up like that and try to blind me without fucking saying anything!” Susie snapped. “I know you can come out, don’t play dumb with me, dickhead!” Maybe constantly insulting the guy you wanted answers from wasn’t the best move on her part, but Susie didn’t particularly care if the guy in question deserved it.
The Dealmaker remained unresponsive. It felt like he was mocking her almost, or judging her, or doing any number of insulting things that involved not fucking answering her. Where did he get the right? Just show up when it was convenient for him and then fuck off when things got rough? “Let me be your strength.” Bullshit. So what if he had helped her fix Tenna? She was getting sick of him and his goddamn secrets. Everyone’s secrets. Because no one could ever just be fucking honest with her. Kris and their mysterious silence, Ralsei and his constant deflections. Why wouldn’t anyone just be fucking straight with her for once!?
She lunged out, roughly grabbing the Dealmaker and yanking it off the bed. She held it up to her face, her hot, angry breath puffing out of her nose and fogging the lenses.
“Listen up,” she growled. “You know what pisses me off the most? People who don’t tell you the whole deal.” Her grip on the glasses tightened and she heard the lenses creak under the pressure. “So either you tell me what the fuck is going on…” She dug her claws into the pink lens. Not quite enough to leave a mark, but enough to get the message across. “Or I snap these fucking glasses and ask whatever half of you is left.” She bared her teeth at him, making sure to angle the lenses so that he could fully see her.
She waited for him to react somehow. For the lenses to flash at her or for his voice to warble out into the room. But there was nothing. The lenses remained inanimate in her grip. Just a pair of shitty glasses. Just like always.
“You fucking jerk!” she snarled. Her grip on the glasses tightened sharply, squeezing him, trying to force him out. Tighter. Tighter. The frames warped to accommodate the pressure and she felt a stab of panic that he really was absent right now and that she was going to end up actually breaking him. She only meant to scare him out, but what if she had already done too much damage? Or what if she had somehow suffocated him!? Did he need to breathe!?
She loosened her grip in a panic before something snapped. She lifted the glasses closer. It had been a bust. He probably wasn’t even awake in there right now. She moved to open her hand and drop the glasses back on the bed, when-
“ALRIGHT ALL RIGHT, I GET YOURE [Point]! GET YOUR [[Handlebars]] OFF OF [Me]!” Her fingers were roughly forced apart as the glasses morphed in her hands, the area around them filling out and taking a more animated shape. She somehow managed to keep her grip steady instead of just flinging the guy across the room, which was pretty impressive, all things considered.
Instead of a pair of flimsy glasses, she was now desperately clinging to the small figure of a humanoid puppet. It was strange to see him now, her memory of him so entirely consumed by the fight with his NEO form that she often forgot what he was supposed to look like normally. He was so small, small enough that she was easily able to hold him in her hands. His arms were currently pinned in her grip, leaving his head and his legs as his only mobile portions.
He was even uglier up close. His hair was greasy with a substance that looked suspiciously like full-on motor oil, as if he was trying to gel it back with whatever he had on hand. Not that it helped, because thick, filthy strands of it fell free in every direction. His face was made of some bizarre substance that seemed like metal, plastic, and wood all at once. She couldn’t tell if it was smooth underneath, because his entire face was covered in a thick layer of unidentifiable “grime” that was definitely all over his blazer too, and, by extension, now Susie’s hands. His eyes were hidden behind the Dealmaker, which now rested atop his uncomfortably long nose. His hinged mouth was hanging open slightly in a perpetual, unnerving smile.
“WOULD YOU [[Press X to quit]] [Check out these sweet deels!]??”
“Huh?” Susie asked.
“STOP STARinG!” Spamton snapped, his voice distorting slightly as he raised his volume.
“I’m not staring!” Susie shot back. She had definitely been staring, but it wasn’t like Spamton got to critique her on… anything, really.
“bULL[$!&@]!” Spamton spat back. He writhed against her grip helplessly. She could feel his feet desperately kicking at her wrists, doing little to no actual damage.
“Stop it, moron!” Susie growled, gripping him tighter to counter his attempts to escape. “You’re not getting away that easy!”
“HANDS OFF THE [[50% off all in-store goods!]]!!! [Putting] ME DOWN!”
“Not until you start talking!” Susie snapped. Spamton let out a garbled, static shriek that could have just been screaming but also could have been a string of the most heinous swear words known to man or monster. His large, squared-off teeth clacked together angrily as his head jerked around quickly enough that it looked almost painful. “If you try to bite me I’m gonna tear you in half!” Susie snarled. The clacking stopped instantly, confirming her suspicions. “You’re probably diseased or something.”
“[Byte] YoU? WHAT DO I [Observatory] LIKE? A R AA T? A [Tapir exhibit]!? IM AN [HonestMan]!”
“Don’t try to bullshit me, I saw you!” Susie shot back. She paused for a moment. “What the fuck’s a tapir?” Spamton stopped struggling for a second to look up at her in disbelief.
“WHAT?”
“NEVERMIND,” Susie shouted. Spamton, thankfully, fell silent for a moment, seemingly flabbergasted enough by the whole interaction to stop screaming at her for a damn minute. She stared down at him uncertainly. What now? It was occurring to her very quickly that she hadn’t actually planned for what she was going to do if she did manage to get him to come out. She’d been pretty sure this whole venture was going to be a bust. Looking at him now, she didn’t even know what she wanted to ask him. Because a vague “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?” was definitely not going to cut it.
“Okay,” she breathed out finally. “I’m gonna put you down. Cause I’m sick of carrying you.” Spamton tilted his head curiously. “BUT. If you try to run away or, like, shank me, or try anything funny…” She leaned in closer, until his nose was poking directly into her snout. “I’m gonna smash you into the ground until you’re just a dent in my floor.” Spamton glared up at her, and it almost looked like he was going to argue. Maybe say something snarky about how she’d barely been able to beat him with Kris and Ralsei there to help, so what made her think she could stop him from running away if he really wanted to. To which she’d respond that he was a hell of a lot less impressive without his NEO form. However, none of that was relevant, because that wasn’t what he ended up saying.
“[Request Accepted],” he informed her. “NO [silly] BUSINESS. [Dealer’s guarantee]!”
“You better not be lying to me,” Susie growled, squeezing him a little bit.
“NO [Decepticon] HERE!” Spamton squeaked. “NOW PUT. ME. DOWN.”
“Fine!” Susie glared at him for a moment longer, just to really get the message across. He glared right back, so pissed that it transcended the tinted lenses of his glasses and shot directly into Susie’s soul. She went to place him on the bed, then got another look at the grime in his hair and grimaced, changing course to put him on the floor instead.
She released him, still largely expecting him to bolt. But true to his word, Spamton stayed right where she placed him. She pulled her hands away and straightened, watching as he smoothed out his rumpled blazer to the best of his ability and ran his hands through his hair. Doll-like fingers clicked together as he adjusted his glasses.
“WHAT A [hellish] GREETING,” Spamton muttered. Or, as close as he could get to muttering when his base volume seemed to be set permanently to “air raid siren.” “IF I’D KNOWN I WAS GOING TO BE [subject]ED TO THIS KIND OF [Abusive tendencies], I WOULDVE JUST STAyYED IN THE [Dumpster].”
“You’re the one who blinded me!” Susie snarled. “And you tried to kill us!”
“THATtS ALL [history], KID,” Spamton shot back, waving her off. “ARE WE [Transaction complete] HERE?”
“Wha-?” Susie asked. She ran the sentence over in her head a few times. “NO! No, we’re not ‘done here!’” Spamton grumbled something under his breath, crossing his arms disdainfully. “Why are you being such an asshole, man? What about all that ‘let me be your strength’ and helping us out shit?”
“I RESERVE THE [Constitutional Amendments] TO RESCIND MY SERVICES IF I AM [[kicked]] [[punched]] [[burned alive]]!”
“I barely touched you!” Susie corrected. “You’re fine.” Spamton huffed, and she got the distinct sense that he was rolling his eyes behind the glasses. Susie dragged her hand down her face to reset herself, because at the rate she was going she was just going to end up beating the shit out of him. Which wouldn’t go well for either of them, probably. “Look. I just… wanted to talk to you.”
“HMPH.” Spamton gave her an appraising look before scurrying over to her bed, using the spikes as a stepping stool so he could reach the top of it. Right where she had specifically avoided putting him. He straightened up on the mattress, now, finally, at eye level with her. “SO YOU [Threats] ME?”
“YOU WEREN’T COMING OUT!” Susie cried. Spamton giggled to himself, grating and glitchy. “Come on, dude!” Spamton just kept laughing, and Susie wasn’t even sure if he was laughing at her anymore, or if he had thought of some other, fresh joke to keep him going. Susie groaned in frustration and spun on her heel so she wouldn’t have to look at the stupid puppet anymore.
She should’ve known this would be a bust. She had known this would be a bust. Of course Spamton wasn’t going to offer anything useful. He was just some selfish, manipulative, washed-out bastard who had decided to tag along because he had failed in his “big quest for freedom” and sticking with them was better than going back to the dumpster. He didn’t care.
It had been… stupid of her. But part of her had thought that him helping her fix Tenna had actually meant something. That he was helping because he actually cared or something. But it was just leverage, wasn’t it? Something easy he could do to pretend he was earning his keep, or maybe something he could turn back around on her later to extort a favor.
“[[Scary Monsters]]??” His voice sounded quieter than before, but it was probably just because whatever ad his vocal glitch was playing now was at a lower volume.
“Shut up,” Susie spat. “Go back to being glasses or something. I’m sick of this.”
“HEy hYE HAY NOW,” Spamton chirped. “ YOURE THE [One] WHO WANTED TO HAVE THIS [Talk to someone today!]!!!”
“Yeah!? Well, I’m done with it now, so you can fuck off!”
“WOAaaH [Now]! YOU [Affection] YOURE MOTthheR WITH THAT MOUTH??”
“YOU SWEAR MORE THAN ME!” Susie snarled, whirling on the little puppet. He was still standing on her bed like he owned the place.
“[FALSE]. THE [Censors] TOOK CARE OF THAT [*@&#]!”
“IT STILL COUNTS!” Susie shook her head, digging her claws through her hair desperately. “Just go away, man. I’m sorry, okay?” She covered her eyes with one hand to block out the light in her room, the other still buried in her hair. This whole thing was a mess.
Through the gaps between her fingers, she could see Spamton still looking up at her. With his eyes obscured behind his glasses and his mouth stiff and unexpressive, his face was impossible to read. He had stopped laughing at her at least. His head was tilted to the side contemplatively. Or maybe judgementally. Or a healthy dose of both. Susie didn’t know what went on in his weird little head.
“HOWwsSSABOUT WE MAKE A [Specil deal]? [Limited time offer]!” Susie pulled her hand down her snout, watching him suspiciously.
“Huh?”
“FOR THE [Abyssal] PRICE OF [$9.99], YOU, [Yes, you!], GET ONE QUESTION [On the house]!”
“What are you talking about, man?” Susie asked wearily.
“YOU WANTED [Answers], NO? ABOUT [[h e a v e n]]? ABOUT [Freedom]?”
“No! Well, yeah, but that’s not- SHUT UP!” Susie’s hands clenched and unclenched in front of her as she fought the urge to snatch the little puppet and strangle him. Who would’ve thought that when he wasn’t going insane and trying to kill her, he could be so fucking annoying.
She paused for a moment, then quickly corrected her assessment. He may not be trying to kill her, but he was definitely still insane. Even Jevil hadn’t been off his rocker quite as intensely as Spamton seemed to be.
“Okay. Hang on,” she said slowly. “You’re saying you’ll let me ask you any question. And you’ll just answer it? No bullshit?”
“FOR A [Price],” Spamton amended.
“FOR FUCKS SAKE,” Susie cried. “YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLE.” Spamton giggled again, which just made the whole thing worse. “FINE! What do you want!?”
“HOW MUCH [Kromer] YOU GOT ON Y[Deep pockets]?” Susie was allowed just the faintest glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, she was finally getting somewhere with him, when the sentence actually registered.
“Shit,” she hissed, unable to even muster the energy to shout it. “Kris has all our money.” She dropped to her knees, slamming her fist into the ground and letting the momentary sting distract her from the sheer hopelessness of the situation. It was fine. This was fine. It didn’t matter that every step forward seemed smaller than the last, it didn’t matter what the stupid prophecy said, it didn’t matter that everything she did seemed to be taking her around in fucking circles. She could still fix it. She could still change it. She had to change it, she had to.
But nothing she did seemed to change anything. Undyne was still missing and the Knight was still running around doing who knows what. Making more Titans, hurting more people. What if it came back to finish the job? What if Tenna got hurt again, what if it came to Castle Town and attacked the other Darkners? What if they weren’t enough? What if the prophecy was right?
She felt all her anger bubbling up from where she had tried to bury it, as if Spamton had been the final piece to the puzzle, the final crack in the precarious container she had constructed around her heart to keep it stable. She had been trying so hard to stay hopeful for Kris and Ralsei. For Lancer. For Tenna. The girl, with hope crossed on her heart. But it all just felt so… pointless. Like the battle had been lost before she even got the chance to fucking fight it. The final prophecy was on the back of her eyelids every time she closed her eyes.
She didn’t even know what she’d wanted from Spamton in the first place. Maybe she’d just thought he’d have answers to… something. He was a smaller mystery, something she could actually solve so she wouldn’t have to think about everything else. “Why did you do what you did?” she would ask him, so she wouldn’t have to face the darkness and ask “What do I do?” instead.
“...YOU GOT AnyYMORee [All-new sodastream!]?”
“What?” she grunted out. She lifted her head, looking up at him through a curtain of hair. He hopped down off the bed with a soft clack as his shoes hit the floor. He watched her for a moment, making sure she was actually looking at him, before pointing to the fridge.
“I WILL ALSO [Request Accepted] [Alternative compensation].” Susie huffed out a surprised laugh in spite of herself.
“You want a soda?”
“[Yessiree!].”
“And you’ll answer anything I ask you?”
“ONE [Free] QUESTION fFOR THE PRICE OF [Cool refreshing beverage],” he confirmed. Susie laughed again, dragging herself to her feet. “TAKE THE ! THIS IS A [Once in a lifetime] OppPORtUNITY! TAKE THE [Deal], KID!”
“Y’know what?” Susie said. “Why the hell not.” Spamton leapt forward, grabbing her hand and shaking it with enough force that she was afraid it might come off, laughing to himself the whole time.
“THATS WHAT [We] LIKE TO HERE!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Susie muttered, yanking her hand free. “Whaddaya want? Ralsei put… a lot of stuff in here.”
“[Merchandise!]!” Spamton chirped happily. Susie opened the fridge door and he shot past her, rifling through it like he was digging for gold.
“Hey! Watch it! You can have one, this shit’s mine!”
“RELAX, [[Scary Monsters]],” Spamton shot back. “IM AN [Man of my word]!” Susie huffed in exasperation but let him continue his search, unable to tamp down the slight glimmer of excitement in her chest. Progress, even progress this minor. It was still… something, right? Though, knowing her luck, she wouldn’t be able to understand Spamton’s answer anyway.
He finally fished something out of the fridge that he seemed pleased with and skittered away without closing the door. Susie kicked it shut and followed him back to the bed. He hopped up onto it, his legs dangling between the gaps in the spikes. Susie plopped herself down next to him, warping the mattress and nearly causing him to slide down. He let out an electronic chitter of disapproval but didn’t actually say anything.
Susie glanced down at his hands, noting the object he had chosen. True to his word, he’d picked out a can of… something. Whether it was actually soda, Susie wasn’t sure, but she wasn’t that concerned with the particulars. The can he was holding was red with yellow accents, and a clearly noticeable TV Time logo on the front. Something from Tenna’s studio then. When had Ralsei even had the time? Or maybe that Ramb guy had supplied them. He seemed like the type.
Spamton turned the can over in his hands uncertainly, his gaze seeming to linger over the design. His teeth clicked together, once, sharply, in a way that seemed almost painful. He turned the can over so that the logo was out of sight.
“You gonna actually drink that?” Susie muttered.
“IS THAT YOUR [Buy one get one free] [Inquiry]?”
“What!? No! DON’T ANSWER THAT!” Susie shouted. Spamton let out another spasm of electronic giggles. “Asshole,” Susie muttered, pulling one leg up onto the bed. She didn’t bother pulling her shoes off. She probably wouldn’t normally anyway, but any reservations she might have had about it were removed the moment Spamton and his layer of grime had decided to stand on her sheets. The bed was beyond saving. Until Ralsei did the laundry, because Ralsei definitely did the laundry.
After examining the can for another few seconds, Spamton finally reached some sort of decision point and turned it rightside up. Susie waited for the hiss of the tab popping, only for Spamton to place half the can inside his weird puppet mouth and bite directly down on it. She heard a hiss as a hole opened in the can and watched some weird, brown, cola-like liquid splash up onto Spamton’s upper teeth. He tilted his head back, the can still caught between his teeth, and let the liquid drain down his throat.
“What the fuck, dude,” Susie breathed out. Spamton didn’t respond, save for biting down slightly harder to further open the hole he had made. Once the can was mostly empty, he let it drop further into his mouth before leaning his head back down, chewing it contemplatively. The corner of his mouth turned downwards in what seemed like distaste, but he swallowed the can anyway.
“[$3.99!]!” he announced, which meant exactly nothing to Susie.
“That’s good?” she tried.
“NO.” He laughed to himself, and though the static seemed identical, something about it seemed more… bitter, this time. Or maybe Susie was just trying to project meaning onto a madman. “WELL, [[Scary Monsters]]???”
“Huh?”
“YOU PRovIDED [Refreshments]. A DEAL;S A [Deal]!” Oh. Right. That. She frowned, leaning forward so her chin was resting on her knuckles while she thought. She had so many questions for the weird puppet. Why did you try to give me a seizure? Why won’t you let me talk about you? Is it because Tenna sprayed you with foam that one time? Why did you come out that time? Other questions curled around the edges of her mind. About “heaven” and “freedom” and puppet strings. What did that mean? What did any of that mean? What do you know that I don’t? But when she really thought about it, there was one question she really wanted the answer to. One that only he could answer.
“Why-” She broke off, shaking her head as she felt her voice already straining. She took a deep breath. “Why did you help me?” Spamton turned to look up at her, head cocked curiously.
“[Elaborate].”
“In TV World,” she continued. “Why did you help me fix Tenna?” Spamton froze beside her, his entire body going unnaturally still. His teeth clicked together softly, and she saw his hand curl into the thin fabric of his white pants.
“EAHAHAHAhaHEHA. ARE YOU [Satisfaction garanteed] THaATS WHAT YOU [Want] TO ASK!?” The reaction was bizarre, and only served to confirm that Susie had picked the right question to ask.
“Hey, don’t try to bail on me now! We had a deal, freak!”
“HhheE AY NNOwW-”
“CAN IT!” Susie snapped. “You said you’d answer anything I asked. I asked, so answer!” Spamton opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, clearly having expected something easier to answer when he made the deal. Why this particular question was hard to answer, Susie had no idea. “So were you just bullshitting me, then!?”
“NnnO!” Spamton squeaked hurriedly. “IM AN [HonestM]AN!”
“Oh yeah?” Susie huffed. Spamton looked up at her, his teeth pressing against each other nervously. She glared down at him, refusing to let up. “You ate my soda, so now you gotta answer my question. Right!?” For a moment, they remained there, locked in a staring contest that both of them seemed to be losing simultaneously. Then, finally, Spamton turned away, letting out a glitchy sigh.
“A [Deals] A DEAL[s],” he admitted. “WHY DID I [Press F1 to-] [Help] [[HELP ME]] [Somebody] [Somebody heEEAlp]?” Susie jumped back at the intrusion, nearly leaping off the bed.
“THE HELL WAS THAT!?” she yelped.
“OneENE [Won] QUESsTIiION!!!” Spamton growled. Susie glared at him.
“Fine,” she spat. She settled back onto the bed, watching him suspiciously. Then, after a second: “Sorry.” Spamton huffed, crossing his arms disdainfully. After a moment, though, he seemed to deflate again, his crossed arms drifting down until it looked less like he was haughtily crossing his arms and more like he was hugging himself for comfort.
“[Good old days] TiIMEs SA-a-a-A-AKE,” he said finally. “USED TO [Repair] OLD C-C-[Cungaderos] [Refrigerator] [Half-off microwaves] CcC[[ CRTs] ].”
“You?” Susie asked, baffled, even though she obviously knew he had that kind of knowledge, that was the whole reason they were here in the first place.
“YyYES, ME!!!” Spamton snarled, affronted. “BEFORE I WAS A [[Big Shot]]! EVERY[Men’s] GOTTA MAKE A [Living wage] SOMEHOW!”
“Okay, okay, I believe you, man!” Susie said. “So you… what? You just wanted to do your hobby again? So you helped me fix Tenna?” The moment she said the TV’s name, Spamton’s glasses flashed black and his head snapped away to avert his gaze.
“ONE. QUESTION,” he growled coldly. He spoke it slowly, carefully, as if to prevent any of those weird interruptions in his speech from slipping through. His hand fisted in the sheet beside him, his entire body vibrating angrily.
“Geez! Okay, okay, fine!” Susie said quickly. “Fine. Thanks. I guess.” Spamton’s teeth clicked in irritation, but the color was back in his glasses. “What-” She cut herself off. What was that about? There was no way he was gonna answer that, not after that display. But what the hell had that been about? What was his deal with Tenna? First he helped her fix him, then he tried to give her a seizure for almost telling Tenna about him, and now he was freaking out just because she’d said the guy’s name? And then there was the thing in TV World with the foam. With the weird blue egg-thing. The weird blue egg-thing that… Spamton had fought them with.
“You knew him!” Susie blurted out.
“WwWHhhHAH&@%#$AT!?” Spamton shrieked.
“You did!” Susie doubled down. “You knew Tenna before! That’s why you knew how to repair him! That’s why you’re being weird about it!”
“LLieE[True] F[TRUE] [TRUE] [TR-] LIi11133$, LIEeS!” Spamton snapped. His head snapped to the side, violently, involuntarily. “WRONG.”
“I knew it!” Susie shouted. “Why won’t you let me tell him about you!? Why did he spray you!? It sounded like he didn’t recognize you, does he not-”
“OnnNE QUe[stion] ONeEQUEST IOn oNEE-” Spamton slammed his hand against the side of his head to break off whatever spiral he was going down. “I H3LD UP [your] END OF THE BaaARGAIN,” he hissed. “ANSWERED [1] QUESTION. WERE [Finished] .” Susie almost went to argue with him, but caught herself. Something about the whole display was too… unnerving. She couldn’t bring herself to argue further with him. Not when he had suddenly seemed so genuinely terrified.
“Fine,” she said. “Fine. Thanks.” Spamton turned towards her slowly, as if surprised that she’d actually agreed.
“MUCH [Oblige],” he said, satisfied. “ILL GO [Return] TO BEING [Peepers].”
“WAIT!” Susie shouted. She leaned closer to him, putting on her best, threatening snarl. “If you fucking blind me again, you’re going right back in the trash. You got that!?” Spamton clacked his teeth together in displeasure, but he stuck his hand out.
“DEAL [or no deal].” Susie gave his hand a quick shake before wiping her own hand off on her jacket. Spamton glared up at her. She ignored him. “WELL, THIS HAS BEEN EN[Lightner]. LETS N333VER DO THIS [@&!#] AGAIN, [[Scary Monsters]].” Susie didn’t dignify that with a response. After a moment, Spamton grew sick of waiting for an answer and waved her away, his body flickering away into small green particles of code.
The Dealmaker dropped down onto the bed, lifeless and inanimate. If she hadn’t just seen it, there would be no way of knowing about the little puppet inside it. She picked it up, carefully, turning it over in her grip.
“I mean it,” she hissed, just to be on the safe side. The glasses gave no response. Susie sighed, unsure what she’d been expecting.
With more questions than answers and with no tangible progress in any particular direction, Susie slid the Dealmaker back over her eyes. The world stayed the same.