Chapter Text
“Guys! Guys! Guys! Breaking news! Big news! Listen up!”
It was Stan's shouts down the school hallway towards his group of friends, Kyle rolled his eyes at him, Cartman raised an eyebrow sarcastically, Kenny just stared at the paper he was holding in his hands, and Butters, at his side, had one of his hands in his own pants pocket, while the other hand was in Kenneth's jacket pocket, along with the blond's own hand, holding their hands with the excuse of warming up.
"What's going on?" Kyle asked. "What happened?"
"Look!" he showed the paper, pulling at the bottom and top corners to stretch the folded paper so they could see the photograph and the text.
“What!?” Both Cartman and Kyle shouted at the same time, Kenny opened his eyes in shock. “How is it possible that Professor Chaos defeated Mysterion!?” exclaimed the brunette.
“Everyone's talking about it... It's impossible... Chaos is almost a rookie…”
"What are you saying? Chaos is so good at skating..." Stan said in defense of the skater himself.
"A rookie...? At what? What's going on?" Butters asked with innocence in his voice.
"You don't know about this?" Cartman asked contemptuously. "How is it possible that you don't know?" he complained when she shook her head. "It's impossible, everyone knows..."
“Cartman, Butters' parents are very strict, obviously he has never been able to go to that event.”
"What event?" he asked, tilting his head curiously.
"This..." he showed her the paper. "It's an illegal nighttime skateboard race in the ruins of the genetics lab... Remember when a huge explosion knocked it out and they abandoned it? Remember that was on the news?" Butters nodded. "Well, there's an illegal race there now, attracting a lot of teenagers and veterans from all over town and nearby..."
“Aha…” he muttered, looking at him with great curiosity.
“And Professor Chaos and Mysterion are two of the competitors that no one knows who they are, and they've been sort of rivals ever since they first appeared, and no one's been able to defeat them, but Mysterion always won when they competed, until last night... When they apparently competed and Professor Chaos won for the first time…”
“Woooh…” he said with surprise in his voice.
“Mysterion probably let himself lose or wasn't having a good day…” said Kenneth. “I mean... If he always wins, it could have been a fluke…”
“Yes, that's true, but it's still surprising…” Stanley said with emotion in his voice. “If he beats Professor Chaos again tonight, it'll be for a reason…”
"I don't think he will," Cartman said with disdain. "There's a forecast of rain tonight. Didn't you see the news?" he said later.
“Shit…” Stanley pouted. “I wanted to see a fight to the death, The best plan of the day now is frustrated…” he snorted heavily.
Kyle chuckled.
"Apart from those two, is there anyone else famous?" Butters asked tenderly.
“Well... Several more... For example Human Kite or Toolshed... Or also…”
“The wonderful and almighty Coon!” exclaimed Cartman, superhero pose included.
“He always loses.” commented Kyle with sarcasm in his voice.
“Shut up!” he frowned.
“That's true…” said Kenny supporting Kyle.
“Shut up you too!”
“Coon is a novice on the skateboard, he is only remembered for being the laughtingstock when he falls…” said Stanley.
"Shut up!" Cartman exclaimed, frowning. "He's a very dedicated sports hero."
"He's a ridiculous fat geek who dresses like a raccoon and has zero balance," Kyle shrugged.
“SHUT UP!” Cartman shouted angrily. “Screw you!” He went to class.
“How easily offended…” Stanley rolled his eyes.
“Yeah…” Kyle followed.
"What happened?" Butters asked with the same innocent face he had at the beginning.
“Cartman is Coon…” Kyle laughed a little.
“Really?” he said in surprise.
“Yes... I'm Human Kite and Stanley is Toolshed…”
“And you...?” Butters asked, looking excitedly at the golden blonde.
He laughed a little and stroked him head with his free hand.
“Princess…” he winked at him without Stan and Kyle being able to see him.
“¿Princess?”
“Kenny dresses as a woman to confuse the competition and win…” Kyle explained succinctly while Stanley and Kenny held back their laughter remembering the scenes of Kenneth lifting her skirt 'by accident' or lowering his torso to reveal his breasts. “Although it's been a while since you've come to compete, just to see…”
“What happened?”
“I sprained my ankle when I fell because I got distracted trying to outrun others, and it healed poorly. I'm quite scared of falling again and having to wear a cast again…”
It's true, Kenneth was in a cast a few years ago, saying he had a fall, he never thought it was really a fall, it was an illegal race on a skateboard.
“Oh... Sorry…” he pouted...
“Don't worry, it's nothing…” he smiled sideways. “I'm fine…” he shrugged.
"Do you still have the dress?" Stan asked.
“Yeah, but it's ripped from the fall…” he said with a chuckle. “Just like the wig, I think I threw it to the back of the closet out of frustration, and now it's probably a nest for a couple of closet rats.”
Stanley chuckled.
“We have to go to class…” said Kyle.
And just as if it were a choreography, the four of them went to the corresponding classroom talking about trivial matters, although for some reason during recess Butters almost dragged Kenneth away with the excuse that they were “private matters” to which Cartman mocked saying they were going to fuck like rabbits, which they were when they put their names together.
Which left Stan and Kyle with a rather ugly poker face and then they thought about it and laughed slightly, after all, Cartman was right, Kenneth and Butters' names did form the word "Bunny" when combined.
As classes ended, the sky began to darken, and soon after, the rain began to fall incessantly until the next day when it stopped raining, but it left behind a pleasant smell of damp grass and earth... During the heat of the day, the ground dried quickly, especially at the peak hours of twelve or one in the afternoon.
At dusk, people began to leave their homes and gather in the ruins of the now abandoned genetics laboratory, people eagerly awaiting the arrival of the greats after the two most famous, who only knew each other's identity... The screams of the girls began giving a warm welcome to the arrival of the Human Kite...
Many of them screamed at him to show them how to do that eyeliner, because the boy's main characteristic was not only his outlandish tight dancer's outfit, complete with ballerina shoes, as well as black semi-transparent stockings, revealing extremely beautiful and strong slim and shaved legs, as well as an extravagant red and yellow cape that was part of a hero costume he designed when you were a child to play; but also the way he applied makeup, applying a light black shadow that gave the effect of depth along with eyeliner worthy of a diva. In order not to be identified, he still wore the hat that was part of the hero costume hiding his hair and part of his face, because, as he had grown and did not want to be identified, he added fabric to cover his face as if it were a mask, still letting one of his curly red locks fly free and provocative to others.
And they started shouting even louder when Toolshed arrived, overtaking Human Kite and doing a spin on his skateboard with a somewhat mocking and defiant stance. For Toolshed's part, he was dressed like some kind of plumber or bricklayer, but his look was different from when they played heroes... At that moment, his outfit was ready for guaranteed fun; it consisted of high-waisted pants that reached mid-waist, but that didn't prevent the boy's worked and sucked chest from being seen, since he was wearing a fishnet T-shirt, the same one that arrived during the period when South Park was gay by fashion. From the pants, he had two thick strings or elastic bands that he wore over his shoulders, in a color as extravagant as a reflective fluorescent blue. To keep warm, he wore a transparent jacket, completely transparent, which allowed his entire body and the tools he carried for decoration to be perfectly visible... To cover his face and not be identified, he wore semi-transparent orange glasses like the ones he wore on his suit at the time, a construction helmet that he stole from his father and painted red with a black T... In short... A bricklayer of those who you ask for a proper arrangement in bed, and who all the girls drooled over apart from Human Kite...
At that moment, at the same time that all the girls surrounded the two boys as soon as they reached the square where everyone was gathered, Coon's outrageous beaten-up squirrel squeals sounded throughout the clearing, making everyone fall silent and look at him with disgust, except for Human Kite and Toolshed who looked at him with pity.
They were still wondering how he was able to not feel embarrassed for continuing to wear the hero costume he once wore, which looked ridiculous on him because he still had the raccoon tail, ears, and mask.
"Oh, come on! Why the hell are you all stopping shouting? Idolise me! I just made a masterful entrance!" he exclaimed, acting offended.
It only made everyone in the huddle lose interest and leave to practice or talk to each other. Human Kite and Toolshed shook their heads slightly.
“I still wonder how you don't feel ashamed to keep doing that…” Human Kite muttered with disinterest while the black-haired rested an elbow on his shoulder in an extremely relaxed position.
“Just like you don't feel ashamed about waxing... Faggot!” he complained with a frown, pointing at the redhead's legs.
“They only raise the question of whether you have red hair or not…” Human Kite softly slapped Toolshed for his words. “I'm just saying what people think…” he shrugged.
“Please save your homosexual opinions for later…” said the redhead indifferently, looking at her black-painted nails like every good diva she was in that outfit, the exact opposite of what she used to be so no one would know who she was. “You know perfectly well why we came…”
“Not bad at all, some leisure before the main course…” he smiled maliciously.
“Ugh…” he pushed him away slightly to get him away from his body and regain the personal space he was taking away from him.
“You two will one day end up fucking like bitches in heat with style, just as your names say when you join together…” he pointed at them with his best disgusted face.
They both looked at him badly.
In reality, the fact that there was flirting between Human Kite and Toolshed was something that both had agreed to not be identified, Toolshed was the provocative conquering bricklayer and Human Kite was the diva too refined to take it into account, and together they were forming the thread of a ‘Romantic’ story that would never have a real romance, because it was just a game, after all, both Stan and Kyle had their respective girlfriends and it was obvious that they were not going to play double-dealing more than to play a joke.
To a certain extent, the vast majority of the girls who were there were there because of the morbid curiosity of that dangerous romance, which today seemed to be a rather notable trend.