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In all honesty, Barry did not notice when his words appeared. He was beyond out of it - suddenly awake in an unfamiliar place, his whole body felt like he’d stuck a fork in an outlet and my prickling sensation on his collarbone would be written off… he had just come out of a coma after getting struck by lightning after all, his entire body felt like that.
It took just over a week for the words to fully set in and clear up, and by then Barry had no clue what they meant.
“Relax, everything’s okay.” Joe read. “Well congrats Bar, who is it?”
“I have no idea,” Barry groaned, burying his face in his hands. Joe stared.
“… how?” he decided on.
“I was in a coma for nine months!” Barry exclaimed. “The days before and after are just two fuzzy blurs - I can’t remember!”
“Calm down Barry, we’ll figure it out,” Joe assured him.
“I’m already the worst soul mate in the world,” Barry said morosely.
“Let’s look at it logically,” Joe said. “It would have to be someone you’ve spoken to in the past week, right?”
“I don’t know,” Barry repeated. “For all I know, it could have been during my coma and my body just waited ’til I woke up to manifest it.”
“Barry,” Joe said - ever calm. “Words very rarely manifest the first time people meet - and they flat-out do not appear if one of them is checked out, alright?”
“… yeah,” Barry said, scratching at the back of his neck. “You’re right, I’m freaking out. Okay,” he took a deep breath in and out, “I need to think about who I’ve interacted with since I’ve woken up.“
“It’s only been a week,” Joe pointed out. “How many people can it really be?” Barry thought for a moment.
There were tons of people he said hi to on a day-to-day basis at work, not to mention his back-to-being-awake errands. He’d chatted with his two new neighbors, and he’d gone to visit and thank each and every EMT, nurse, and doctor who had looked after him when he got struck.
“A lot,” he said weakly. “I don’t know if I can deal with this right now.”
“Barry —“ Joe started
“It’s too much,” Barry said. “I ju- I can’t do it.”
“Barry,” Joe tried again.
“I just woke up. I’m still trying to figure out what I missed, I can’t just… I can’t handle this.”
“Barry, that’s okay,” Joe assured him, hand on his shoulder. “It’s not a one-shot thing. When the time is right, they will find you.”
“You think?” Barry asked.
“Yes,” Joe said.
“Right,” Barry said, “You’re right, I just need to… not freak out.”
“You just need to go at your own pace,” Joe said with a smile. He pulled Barry into a hug.
The guilt Barry felt at not being able to figure out who his soul mate was turned out to be nothing compared to the guilt he felt when he realized that he was crushing on Cisco. Cisco - funny, handsome, smart, eternally-optimistic, and definitely not Barry’s soulmate - Cisco was who Barry wanted to be with.
Not everyone believed that strongly in soul mates. After all, only about 35% of people had them. But Barry? Barry had always believed in the importance of soul mates - true love, destiny, all the jazz. So when it actually happens to him, he feels crazy bad that he’d rather watch Wrath of Khan with Cisco again than browse through the missing connections soul mark message boards.
Not guilty enough to cancel; but guilty just the same.
Sometimes it seemed like Cisco might be interested too. But he never says anything, and Barry has words weighing down his chest so he doesn’t either.
And then Hartley happens.
Barry’s heart is stuck in his throat when he finds Cisco collapsed in the pile of rubble that used to be the entrance to the pipeline. He’s covered in dust, plaster, and blood. Barry can’t find his breath until Cisco pulls himself awake.
The weight of his words is nothing compared to the lightness he feels when Cisco smiles at him a few seconds later. That more than anything is what gives him the courage to find Cisco after they lock up Hartley.
“Hey!” Cisco greeted with a smile as Barry came speeding in. “I thought you’d gone home for the night.”
“Nope, one more thing I’ve got to do first,” Barry said. Cisco tilted his head, silently prompting him to continue. “I ah, okay. Cisco I really like you.”
Cisco stared.
“I… was not expecting that,” he said. “What?”
“I like you,” Barry repeated. “I was trying not to, because we’re friends and I didn’t want to lose that, but I just… I just wanted you to know.” After a few seconds of avoiding Cisco’s face, Barry glanced up. Cisco still looked startled.
“I… but…” he said. “you like me?”
“Yeah,” Barry said.
“Like… if I kissed you right now, you’d be okay with that?” Cisco asked, standing and walking closer.
“Yeah,” Barry repeated, feeling his ears go red. “I would be super okay with that.”
Cisco - close now - grinned. “Awesome,” he whispered, and pulled Barry into a kiss.
Cisco is taken by Captain Cold, and it’s Barry’s fault and for almost two days he can’t think or breathe properly because Cisco is gone, and Barry can’t find him and he could scream because what use is he as the Flash if he can’t protect the people he cares about?
Cisco comes back on his own, and he’s bruised and shaken but he’s alive, and he’s okay. Barry pulls his boyfriend into a crushing hug, ignoring his shaken apologies because he would do anything to protect him.
Caitlin’s barely in a better state than Barry, and she insists on checking Cisco out to the full extent of her medical abilities.
Barry’s holding Cisco’s hand and telling him some story that even he’s not paying attention to when Caitlin went to listen to Cisco’s breathing and freezes to whisper.
“Oh.”
“What?” Cisco asked, tensing up. “What is it? Did they plant something on me?” He twists around to try and see, and as he does Barry notices what made Caitlin stop.
Words. There are words trailing up Cisco’s back, hugging his spine.
“No, it’s nothing like that,” Caitlin’s quick to assure him. “You have words.” Cisco looked confused for all of a second before he realized what she’s saying, and he scoffed.
“No I don’t,” he said.
“Cisco…” Caitlin said. “Your last physical was over a year ago. They’re right along your spine, they could have been there for months, you wouldn’t have seen them on your own.”
“No I…” he turned and looked straight at Barry, who couldn’t help but flinch and look away. “Barry.”
“I… I’ll give you two some space,” Caitlin said, making for the door.
“Barry,” Cisco repeated when the room went quiet. “Look at me.”
Barry began to pace, hands bracing behind his neck because he can’t do his - he can’t.
“Cisco,” he said weakly. “You have a soul mate.”
“It doesn’t matter!” Cisco exclaimed. Barry spun around.
“Yes It does! Cisco, I can’t… I can’t keep you from who you’re supposed to be with!”
“Bullshit,” Cisco replied, voice uncharacteristically hard. “It’s okay for me to do it, but not you?”
“What are you…” Barry started, but then trailed off, hand going to his collarbone.
“You have a soul mark too Barry,” Cisco said.
“I don’t care about that!” Barry exclaimed.
“Neither do I!” Returned Cisco, standing. “I don’t care what some words on my back say, Barry, I want to be with you!”
“Cisco,” Barry said, voice cracking. “I want to be with you too.”
“Then why are you acting like this?” Cisco asked. He grabbed Barry’s hand. “I want to be with you and you want to be with me; roll curtains.”
“What if you meet them?” Barry said quietly. “What if you meet them and… the longer we have, the worse it’ll be.”
“This is stupid,” Cisco breathed, eyes bright. “Barry don’t do this!”
“It’s better this way,” Barry said, backing away. “I… I have to go.”
“Barry Allen don’t you dare —“ and then he was gone.
It was about a week - an awful, awkward, stilted, miserable week - when Barry has to use his powers to literally restart Cisco’s heart. Cisco pulls away, and spends days in Starling City. Barry doesn’t even have time to talk to him when he returns because they find the time vault instead
“Trippy,” Cisco whispered.
“Not as trippy as that byline,” Caitlin replied, voice hesitant.
“Iris… West-Allen,” Barry read aloud. A year ago that would have been the best thing he’d ever seen. Now, it sent an ice-cold knot of dread to weigh on his chest. It got that much worse when Cisco’s voice cracked out.
“Maze Tov.”
“Cisco —“ Barry said, spinning around. Cisco glanced up, but avoided meeting his eyes.
“You were right Barry,” he said. “That would have been worse.”
“Cisco,” Barry started again, but Cisco shook his head just as a computerized voice scares the crap out of all of them and proceeds to mess up their entire world and then they’re telling Joe and Eddie and then… then it’s just him and Cisco as Joe had gone with Eddie to the station to plan more, and Caitlin went to visit Clarissa Stein.
“Hey,” He said softly, “Can we talk?” Cisco glances over. He hadn’t really moved from the couch since they had brought up that his dreams might be more.
“Fine,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face, “what’s up Mr. West-Allen?” Barry winced.
“I’m not in love with Iris,” Barry said. “And she’s not my soul mate, and I’m not hers.”
“That just makes it…” Cisco sighed. “That just makes it hurt a teeny bit more, Barry. You’re willing to be with her without matching words - it’s Iris, so of course.”
“Cisco, whatever that is in there; it’s not true!” Barry said. Cisco looked back up at him, eyes tired.
“Barry, you’ve been in love with Iris your entire life, I know that. And at some point you’re going to get everything you’ve wanted.”
“That’s not what I want!” Barry exclaimed. “I had feelings for Iris, yes, but I don’t now. And she has never felt that way about me. When I was a kid, my entire world was ripped away and Iris was the only constant; and to me, that felt like love. I used to wish every day that that day would be the day I said the right thing to make her words appear but I just thought that was what was supposed to happen!”
“Barry - “ Cisco tried quietly, shaking his head as he stood. But Barry wasn’t done.
“And a few months ago, when Iris showed me Eddie’s words on her palm I was so happy - so, so happy because she was happy and I could care less what her words say because I only care about you. Okay? I don’t care about my words, I don’t care about yours either because you are the only one I want to be with. I’m crazy for you, and whatever so-called soul mates are out there are just going to have to move on.”
Slowly, Cisco looked up, meeting Barry’s eyes.
“Yeah?” he said. “You really mean that?”
“I really do,” Barry said.
“You don’t care?”
“I don’t care, I am so sorry. I was such an idiot Cisco and I am so sorry I hurt you.”
“You were an idiot,” Cisco said with a small smile. He walked closer and put either hand on Barry’s hips. “But you’re my idiot.”
“Yeah?” Barry whispered. Cisco nodded and pulled him down for a kiss.
“You’re the only idiot for me, Barry. I don’t even know what my stupid words say.”
“You don’t?” Barry clarified. “Really? You didn’t look?”
“Wouldn’t’ve been able to see it them anyway,” Cisco said with a shrug.
“Can I see?” Barry asked. When Cisco frowned, he hurried to add, “Not to freak out or anything! I’m just curious. I mean, you’ve seen mine.”
“Well I’ve never read them,” Cisco pointed out. Barry stared at him, surprised.
“You haven’t?”
“I was raised to respect privacy,” Cisco teased with a laugh. “Besides, you wear that tape over it, and I mostly spent my energy pretending it didn’t exist.” This time, Barry laughed.
“Okay then, you show me yours, I’ll show you mine.” He suggested. Cisco grinned, stepping back to pull off his shirt.
“How could a man say no to a proposition like that?” he said, turning.
“Your back is gorgeous,” Barry told him. Cisco sighed, ears turning red.
“Keep it in your pants Allen, we’re having a moment,” he scolded - smile clear in his words. “So?”
“Uh…” Barry said, pulling his eyes away from Cisco’s shoulder blades. “It says ‘Where am I?’” he read. He paused. “That’s kind of weird dude, you been kidnapping people?”
“Ha ha,” Cisco said drily. “I don’t…. okay, your turn.” He said abruptly, spinning back around. The divet between his eyebrows gave away the fact that he was struggling with something. Choking down a pang of anxiety, Barry peeled off his shirt.
Cisco wordlessly read the sentence scrawled over Barry’s collarbones. He was quiet for a bit, and then his forehead smoothed out.
“Holy shit,” he breathed. “No wonder Caitlin was so pissed.”
“Huh?” Barry asked. “What do you mean?”
“Our words - you don’t…? Of course, you don’t, you’d just woken up.”
“What?” Barry repeated. Cisco pulled his shirt back on and started pacing, running a hand through his hair with a crazy grin .
“When you first woke up? I was here, you were so freaked out,” Cisco said.
“Yeah,” Barry said slowly, eyebrows drawn. “I didn’t know what happened, or where I... or where I was. Oh my god,” he groaned. Cisco laughed.
“And I told you that, but first — “
“You said everything was okay,” Barry finished. “Oh my - this entire time?”
“We’re soul mates,” Cisco said. “How about that?”
“I’m such an idiot,” Barry said. “Of course, it’s you - it’s always going to be you.”
“I’m an idiot too,” Cisco said with a wide smile.
“Guess we really are perfect for each other.” Barry laughed. Cisco pulled I’m down for another kiss.
“Come on Soul Mate,” He said. “We have some time to make up.”