Chapter Text
By the time Yeonjun makes his way home, there’s a very pleasant buzzing under his skin and around his brain that makes him want to do nothing more than go straight to bed. Or cuddle with Beomgyu, if he can manage to wrangle his finicky roommate into submission before he knows what’s going on and tries to fight back.
Taehyun had let him droop himself all over the younger during dinner, but he’d refused to go back with Yeonjun even though he’d invited him and tried his best to tempt him back to his home with snacks.
”I have papers to work on,” Taehyun had said, wide eyes squinted apologetically even as Yeonjun had leveled him with his best pout, “Maybe next time, hyung.”
And so at the end of their dinner Yeonjun had been left to head home alone, a cloud of gloom so thick it felt actually corporeal hanging over his head because god, maybe he is lonely. He’s not interested in Taehyun intimately at all but he’d been desperate to get the younger to come back with him just so he could cuddle.
Beomgyu can only do so much cuddling sometimes before he’s ’itching, hyung! You have to let me goooo,’ and at this point Yeonjun is wondering if he’s going to start having to hog tie the witch just to get him to lay and watch a sappy kdrama with him. At a few years into being roommates, Yeonjun is far past the worry of getting hexed by his best friend, but Beomgyu will probably still complain in his ear as soon as he gets tired of it and that’s not conducive to the relaxing night he’s kind of hoping for at this point. Not when he’s just kind of sleepy and a little fuzzy and just wants to hold someone until he can get some warmth back into his skin.
And it’s not like Beomgyu isn’t tactile or anything, but Yeonjun is maybe just a little scarily so, and that desire only seems to increase by stupid amounts when he’s tipsy. Like he is now.
So he may or may not be plotting on how to bribe Beomgyu into letting himself be cuddled as he rides the elevator up to their floor. May or may not be debating the merits of just tying up the younger if he decides to put up a fight.
If Beomgyu could just sit still for at least a few hours, then surely that would be enough to calm the twisting thing in Yeonjun’s chest.
And okay, maybe it’s just a little pathetic to be verging on desperate just for someone to touch him, but Yeonjun is far past the point of shame and well into denial that he needs to be in a relationship to have that need met, regardless of Beomgyu’s insistence. He’s been doing just fine, thanks. Having to bribe his friends to cuddle with him isn’t even note worthy. It’s a fine and normal occurrence. Perfectly reasonable.
So when he unlocks the front door with hands that are only a little uncoordinated before stumbling in to kick off his shoes with a perfectly clear “I’m back!”, he isn’t expecting much. Maybe he’s expecting to see Beomgyu sitting on the couch either already watching something or picking through one of his horrifically thick tomes. Or to find the witch asleep on said horrifically thick tome, which will make his life even easier when he collapses on top of him.
Yeonjun really, really isn’t expecting much.
So why the hell is Beomgyu standing in the middle of the living room tying some of the most garishly vibrant red ribbons around someone Yeonjun has never seen before in his life?
Oh god.
Had Beomgyu texted him that he was bringing someone over and he’d forgotten? No, there’s no way. Even drunk, Yeonjun is good at vacating the premises when his roommate is about to desecrate their apartment. And sure, it’s not like Beomgyu really cares if he’s there, but that’s the point. The witch is vocal, and it gives Yeonjun enough second hand embarrassment that he’d practically begged Beomgyu to warn him so that he can go camp out at Taehyun’s or something.
But maybe Beomgyu had been the one to forget to warn him, because it definitely looks like he’d walked in on something kinky as -
“Hyung! I didn’t think you’d be back yet!” Beomgyu at least looks a little sheepish, so. Yeah. That means that Yeonjun was definitely not gonna wanna be sticking around for this.
The situation is just a little strange, though. Yeonjun hasn’t had to worry about Beomgyu bringing people over ever since the younger had started something absolutely stupid with Soobin, but apparently he should’ve because it’s not like anything else in Beomgyu’s love life makes sense right now.
“Should I leave?” He asks, fully anticipating the answer to be yes, even though he’s actually really really sleepy and honestly wants to do anything but.
Maybe he shouldn’t have drank so much at dinner. He vaguely recalls Taehyun giving him little warnings, but Yeonjun likes to be a little buzzed and sappy and relaxed. He’ll have to apologize for not listening to Taehyun. Maybe if he apologizes in meows, the younger will be happy. And then he’ll cuddle with Yeonjun like the cute cat he is.
Should he actually just go there now -
“No!” Beomgyu yelps, looking a little panicked between Yeonjun and the guy standing with bright red bows tied all over his body. He’s not tied up per se, still fully dressed and all limbs still mobile and perfectly free, but he looks like a Christmas tree threw up all of its best ribbons onto him.
And oh, now the guy is finally turning to look at Yeonjun, and it feels like his brain screeches to a halt because what the hell he’s pretty.
His angelic features are strong and defined and yet somehow soft and welcoming and dripping with a sort of shy sweetness and geez where did Beomgyu find someone who looks like a literal painting, and can Yeonjun somehow convince this guy to model for him because he really really wants to dress him up. Or down. At this point, Yeonjun just kind of wants to stare at him forever because he’s so pretty. Surely every part of him would be just as pretty as his face, right? His whole body is probably carved from the same beauty, which means Yeonjun could wrap him in all his prettiest cloths and fabrics and watch how they fall and sketch him across all of his books.
Even with all the garish ribbons adorning his like a present wrapped by a five year old - aka Beomgyu - he still manages to look like he belongs on one of Yeonjun’s magazines and makes a picture lovely enough that Yeonjun would’ve cut it out and glued it to his inspo collage in a second.
But. No. This is Beomgyu’s guy. Even if he’s already fully aware that Beomgyu has zero feelings for whoever he just brought back, it was still Beomgyu who brought him. So Yeonjun is allowed to marvel at the aesthetics of this insanely pretty guy, but that’s it.
“No?”
“No! This is your present - you can’t leave before opening him - it! The present! That you definitely don’t know what’s inside of!”
“Listen, Gyu, I don’t care if you’re…” Yeonjun tries, gesturing between them while his fuzzy brain trips over itself as he tries to formulate the words properly while still processing what the hell Beomgyu means by that, “Into things, ‘kay? And I appreciate the offer, but ‘m not really a threesome type of person.”
For a moment, they’re all staring at eachother. Beomgyu, Yeonjun, and the terribly pretty ribbon-clad boy.
And then the pretty boy squeaks, covers his suddenly pink face with his hands, and looks for all the world like he’s trying to disappear.
“Yeonjun-hyung, he’s not for both of us! He’s for you - your new boyfriend!”
Yeonjun blinks. Blinks again. Twice, four times, five -
“I am not drunk enough to deal with this.”
And Beomgyu, instead of being discouraged like he should be, merely rolls his eyes and begins crossing the room towards Yeonjun. Which. Crap. His legs are a little too uncoordinated to run right now, but the look of something like determined manic glee in Beomgyu’s eyes is sure as hell making him want to try, but before he can get his shoes back on, Beomgyu already has a hold of him and is pulling him further into their apartment.
“C’mon, hyung! It’s perfect! You need a boyfriend, you like cute things, and you love surprises! This is all that, rolled up into one cute present wrapped specially by your favorite dongsaeng.”
“See, you said this isn’t a weird threesome thing, but it’s honestly really sounding like -“
“Yeonjun-hyung. I am not sleeping with Kai! That’s - that would be like -“ Beomgyu is turned towards him fully now, eyes almost frantic as they dart around the room, maybe searching for what, exactly, that would be like, “I don’t know! But I’m not, so he’s all yours!”
“Beoms, have you even asked him about this?”
“Of course I have! Kai is a super willing participant, and will make a perfect cuddle buddy for you!” At that, Beomgyu gives a push, and Yeonjun’s knees catch on the couch until he’s plopping down onto the cushions with a yelp. And ouch, it’s a low blow for Beomgyu to use the one thing he’s always especially craving to set him up with some random guy. Some random, insanely pretty guy. Very pretty. With a pretty, cuddle-able body.
Yeonjun sighs.
“Listen, Beomgyu -“
“Ah ah ah! You have to listen to me first, hyung. We worked really hard to prepare this, and you don’t wanna make Hueningie upset, do you?” Yeonjun looks at the blue haired boy, whose ears are now almost the color of the ribbons wrapped around his limbs.
“I think he’s already upset.”
But surprisingly, it’s him - Kai, Yeonjun is assuming - who shakes his head, even though he looks like he’s about to spontaneously combust. “I - I’m not! I agreed to this, hyung, I promise.” And Yeonjun is just raising an eyebrow at being addressed as hyung by someone he’s never met before and how much he kinda likes it because Kai is somehow so cute it’s almost painful and hey maybe he would let Yeonjun use his hands to study the pretty planes of his face and draw them out all over his sketchbooks and even all over his walls and maybe he’ll model for him and just let Yeonjun keep touching him -
And then Beomgyu is beginning to drag something over what the hell Yeonjun is tipsy but is suddenly somehow way too sober for this -
“Is that… A whiteboard?”
“Why, yes it is! A whiteboard containing all the information you need to know about -“ Beomgyu spins the whiteboard until the written side is facing Yeonjun, “Your new boyfriend!”
“Gyu -”
“Hyung, just let me finish the presentation, and then you can ask questions, okay?” Yeonjun looks over at Kai, maybe for help, maybe for him to tell him this is all just a fever dream, but the guy only gives a shy smile, cheeks adorably pink, and Yeonjun has to quickly glance away again because god he’s so pretty. Okay.
Taking his silence for agreement, Beomgyu continues on, pulling out his actual wand to act as a pointer stick.
“This is Huening Kamal Kai.” At that, Kai does a little spin, as if they’d practiced this. It’s so painful to watch that Yeonjun’s heart feels like it’s actually going to burst from the sudden influx of endearment it has to endure. “He’s twenty, and also a witch! Isn’t that cool, hyung?”
“Well, I guess? But why are -“
“He’s currently studying music magic, so that he can be a producer. In the academy, he was top of his class, and excelled in the magical skills division. His hobbies are: playing music, gaming, watching tv, going to try new cafe’s, and playing with his sister’s cats. Some fun facts about Kai are: He can play just about any instrument he can get his hands on, he collects stuffed animals, he received offers to attend every academy he applied for, and he loves singing! He’s sweet, caring, and absolutely adorable, and would be a perfect match for you, Yeonjun-hyung.” With that, Beomgyu waves a hand in the air over Kai and sparkles begin to float down around the other witch. As if Beomgyu hadn’t just read a white board line by line discussing him, right in front of him.
“So today is the day! Yeonjun-hyung, Kai is your new boyfriend. To have and to hold, from this day forth, so long as you both shall live.”
“Are you repeating marriage vows?”
“I do!” Beomgyu shouts, and that’s the last thing he does before pushing a literally sparkling Kai until he’s tumbling into Yeonjun’s arms, and then making a run for it down the hallway and back into his room.
At the slamming of the door, everything falls silent.
Yeonjun just… Really can’t believe this is happening.
Beomgyu had really ran off and left him with an armful of cute boy, and Yeonjun’s brain is still kind of fuzzy and Kai is warm.
“You okay?” He murmurs, to which Kai nods, but doesn’t pull his face out from where he’d hidden it in the crook of Yeonjun’s neck. Okay, yeah. Really warm. Is he still blushing? God, he’d suspected before, but he really is so cute. “You sure? ‘Cause if Beomgyu is blackmailing you or anything like that, I will actually kill him -“
“He’s not!” Kai insists again, but he still doesn’t pull his face away, and Yeonjun can vividly feel the heat of it through his sweater. It really is actually… Kind of nice.
In a normal situation, a fully sober Yeonjun would’ve apologized for his stupid roommate and gently nudged Kai away before hunting Beomgyu down to exact retribution, but he is not, in fact, fully sober. His brain is syrupy around the edges, limbs a little loose, and he’d come home so desperate for physical touch that even holding an almost perfect-stranger has him a little loopy.
Kai is a nice weight in his arms, after all. He’s a little taller than Yeonjun, a little more built, and yet somehow he feels as if he’d be perfect to cuddle with all his soft edges and even softer clothing.
So, in a move that shoots straight up into Yeonjun’s top ten stupidest moments, he grabs onto the witch in his arms and adjusts him so that he’s fully on Yeonjun’s lap, legs on either side of his and face still tucked into his neck.
“Um… Hyung?”
“‘s nice.” Is all Yeonjun offers, running a mindless hand up and down the younger’s back and delighting in the way the muscles under his touch seem to relax just a bit, “Is Beomgyu bribing you?”
Finally, Kai sits up, and Yeonjun has to resist the urge to coo at the flushed face before him. It’s a pretty pink from the bridge of his nose to the highs of his cheeks and bleeds out into the pale skin of his ears and suddenly Yeonjun wonders if he should try to take a bite.
“No, Hyung. Beomgyu-hyung isn’t - he just - it’s embarrassing.” Kai stutters out, eyes wide and a little desperate.
“You’re in my lap, Kai-ah.”
With a whine, Kai brings his hands up to his face before mumbling something that’s so incredibly garbled that Yeonjun feels as if another piece of his sanity just slipped out the door. He’s mentally waving it off like a woman watching her lover walk away, shouting ‘come again soon!’
“Uh, come again?”
“I said - I said I already thought you were, um, really really really… I mean, I - I just - Beomgyu-hyung said that, well, um, I - I saw your videos! The dancing ones, from the festival! You were so amazing, and - and I just… I dunno, you’re so cool and Beomgyu-hyung said he would help me meet you, and to… To trust him, because it would only work if I did what he said.” Yeonjun’s heart feels like it could explode at the cuteness staring him in the face right now. Maybe Beomgyu was right. Maybe Yeonjun’s type really can be boiled down to something as simple as liking cute things, because Kai is absolutely adorable and it’s doing things to his heart.
“So when he said he was gonna tie you up, you just agreed?”
“W-Well, he didn’t exactly tie me up like I thought he was gonna, s-so, um…”
Yeonjun stares. Processes. Watches as Kai’s face somehow gets even redder. One beat, two beats -
“Oh my god, it was something kinky!”
Kai looks like he wants to die.
“I - It’s not! Not now! Beomgyu-hyung wasn’t planning on doing that!”
“But you thought he was.”
“Th-That’s not the point! I just - I just didn’t know!” At the embarrassment plastered all over Kai’s face, Yeonjun sighs and reaches to guide the younger’s face back to his neck as if to spare him.
“There there. ‘s okay. I think the ribbons like this are a lot cuter, ‘nyways. Nice and cute. ‘like it.”
Kai, seemingly embarrassed beyond words at this point, only makes some sort of weak, humiliated noise, before clutching onto Yeonjun even tighter.
And see, it’s at this point that Yeonjun should probably get him off. He should apologize to Kai that Beomgyu had wasted his time, make sure he’s bundled up against the chilly air, and send him back out their front door.
But Yeonjun is sleepy now. Kai is such a warm and comforting weight in his arms and feeding his touch cravings so well that he can’t even imagine letting him go like this. Maybe it’s some kind of spell? Kai and Beomgyu are both witches. Maybe they’d cast some sort of sleepy spell.
Or maybe it’s just the alcohol his body is still trying to process that’s leaving him soft like this.
And either way, this is someone Beomgyu knows, right? Beomgyu trusts Kai. And Yeonjun trusts Beomgyu. So if Yeonjun trusts Beomgyu and Beomgyu trusts Kai then Yeonjun can also probably trust Kai. So that should be enough, right? Yeonjun can just take a little nap like this for a bit, and then sort it all out when he wakes up again and is more capable of making good decisions.
With that, he moves again, using the last of his working muscles to slide the both of them along the couch until he can lay down, Kai resting perfectly atop his chest like a warm weighted blanket. Heated blanket. Kai is like an adorable and cozy heated blanket. Perfect for Yeonjun.
“U-Um, Hyung, what’re -“
“Shh,” He mumbles, rubbing his cheek against the soft blue hair, “‘s fine. Jus’ a nap, ‘kay? Hyung will figure everything out later.”
“Are you, um - are you sure this is a good idea?” Kai hedges, squirming a little, and Yeonjun just sighs and lays a hand on the small of the witch’s back, stilling him completely.
“Good idea. Good sleep. Just for a bit, mmk, baby?” Kai tenses like he’s going to argue more, but to Yeonjun’s immense and admittedly somewhat drunken satisfaction, the witch then relaxes against him completely.
God, Yeonjun has missed this. Missed soaking up physical affection with a sort of ravenous enthusiasm that he would normally only associate with hunger. The feel of someone else’s body against his own is always lovely, but Kai is so soft and sweet in his arms that it’s just somehow even better.
“Good boy,” He murmurs into blue hair, delighting just a little in the cute shiver it gets him and refusing to let him mind wander down a particularly hedonistic path in response, “Let’s jus’ stay like this for a bit.”
Kai, surprisingly, doesn’t fight it. Merely snuggles in closer.
He’s so cute, so soft, Yeonjun might be becoming just a little obsessed.
(Though he would rather die than ever admit that to Beomgyu.)
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When Yeonjun wakes the next morning, he gets all of five blurry seconds to wonder why the heck he’d fallen asleep on the couch instead of his perfectly good and insanely comfortable bed, and then his eyes focus and Beomgyu’s face is literally three inches from his and he screams.
“What the - “
“Ouch, hyung! I like my ears!”
“Gyu, why - why were you in my face?”
“Because I’m disappointed in you, Yeonjunnie-hyung.” That, of all things, was not what Yeonjun was expecting to hear.
“What? Why, because I fell asleep on the couch?” Yeonjun demands, heart rate finally starting to come down a little from where he’d been scared half to death by his roommate. Was Beomgyu trying to kill him? Last Yeonjun checked, the younger was not into necromancy, but maybe that changed at some point in the last twenty four hours.
Yeonjun, on the other hand, is feeling just homicidal enough to be tempted into killing his roommate right now, so maybe the whole necromancy thing is gonna work out after all.
At his question, though, Beomgyu just rolls his eyes. “No, not because of the stupid couch, hyung. Because of stupid you.”
If Yeonjun hadn’t known Beomgyu and been his roommate for years at this point, he would’ve been offended. As it is, he’s just confused. And annoyed.
“Gyu, you’re gonna have to be more specific.”
“Hyung, how do you not remember? I literally gave you Kai, a whole boyfriend, super cute and so perfect for you that I literally tied him with a ribbon, and you fell asleep five seconds later! Like what!” Beomgyu throws his hands up in exasperation, face twisted in absolute disbelief, “How does that even happen? I was totally expecting to walk out this morning to his clothes all over the floor, not him gone.”
Beomgyu is a special kind of person. Yeonjun once heard someone describe him as the moods of 3pm and 3am, which is normally perfectly fitting, but right now Yeonjun would describe him as 3in. As in insane.
Because now it is coming back to him - Yeonjun had definitely been on the fuzzy side of the line between sober and tipsy, but he hadn’t been drunk enough to be unable to recall Beomgyu’s shenanigans when prompted.
And Kai, Yeonjun remembers now, had had the face of someone that would be easy to remember. Yeonjun is pretty sure that even if he’d been plastered out of his mind, he wouldn’t be able to forget the angular, angelic features of the blue haired witch.
Ethereal features, breath taking face, a lean but undeniably strong build that Yeonjun remembers pressing him softly into the couch and feeding all of his stupid touch cravings and holy -
He feels his cheeks heat at the memories, and Yeonjun shakes his head in an attempt to brush the increasingly sinful imagery out of his mind and refocus on the already insane conversation at hand.
“You thought I was gonna sleep with him?”
“He’s your type! And you’ve been extra clingy recently, so I figured you could use it.”
Yeonjun opens his mouth again. Closes it. Opens it.
“Beomgyu, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you don’t set people up with a boyfriend by finding an innocent pretty boy and then just leaving them to the wolves. That’s like - that’s just crazy!”
“You, a wolf? Hyung, you’re like, a puppy at best. A cat, maybe, but you’re acting like you would try something crazy, and everyone knows you’re not like that. And Kai’s not like that, because he’s literally just a giant puppy.”
“And you thought I was just gonna what, hook up with him? After knowing him for five seconds?”
“Well, you could’ve at least tried.”
“I wasn’t even sober!”
“C’mon, hyung, Taehyunnie wouldn’t have let you walk home alone like that if he’d thought you had too much to drink. Everyone knows he would’ve been the first one to tackle you down and kidnap you back to his apartment to listen to him drone about that stupid paper again.”
“He’s talked to you about it too?”
“Of course he has - I’m the one he kidnapped the first time!”
Yeonjun snorts. Then blinks.
“Wait. Off-topic. Back to the Kai thing - did you talk to him before he left? Is he okay? I hope he at least raided the fridge for the trouble you put him through, brat.”
Now it’s Beomgyu’s turn to laugh, and it’s just this side of maniacal enough that Yeonjun is a little concerned. “Hyung, trust me, he was fine. Better than fine. He was spamming me at like 8am telling me not to worry with all these cute little kaomoji faces.”
Yeonjun frowns, though. As much faith as Beomgyu is putting in Taehyun’s judgement of Yeonjun’s sobriety, he really had been buzzed and maybe possibly sliding into drunk territory. He’d been awake and aware and nowhere near the point of being sick with it, but he still worries.
“Okay, Beoms, sure. I’m fine, and if you say he says he’s fine. But next time, don’t pull something like that when I’m drinking, okay? Kai seems sweet, and I’m sure he didn’t mean to stay the night -” Yeonjun pointedly ignores the snort Beomgyu gives, “- but let’s cool it down. Don’t do that again. It’s sweet of you to be thinking of me, but I’m fine. I don’t need you trying to get me a boyfriend.”
And Beomgyu doesn’t immediately rush to agree, but Yeonjun can see in the downward slope of his shoulders and the pout in his features that he’s relenting at least a little. Beomgyu, for all that he can be a little brash and a little pushy, is Yeonjun’s best friend who cares deeply for the people around him. Sometimes too deeply. He isn’t doing this out of spite or as some elaborate joke, because Yeonjun knows that Beomgyu really does care about him being happy. Even if the method is more in line with madness.
“You want a boyfriend, though. You’re just too busy to actually find one. I just did the hunting part for you and made your life ten times easier.”
Yeonjun huffs, finally throwing the blanket - the blanket that he’s suddenly realizing he had definitely not been the one to grab - off and pushing himself to stand.
“Okay, maybe I want one, but that doesn’t just give you a free pass to play matchmaker.”
Beomgyu rolls his eyes again. “I don’t just ‘play matchmaker’, hyung, I play soulmate…aker! Which is what I did! Kai is literally perfect.”
Yeonjun reaches up and drags his hands down his face, the exasperation blooming through him doubling when he realizes he hadn’t even gotten far enough to take off his makeup from last night.
Taking a deep breath and already lamenting his skin for the day, Yeonjun turns to wander into the kitchen. Maybe if he can get enough caffeine in him, he can mentally handle the fact that this is even his life now. Maybe. Possibly. Unlikely, given that Beomgyu is padding after him in those cinnamoroll slippers like he always does.
“I’ve never even heard you talk about him before. Why are you suddenly, like, all about this?” Yeonjun pours the coffee grounds into the filter and prays to the coffee gods that today is going to be a day of perfect pours and that the caffeine he consumes will infuse into his bloodstream and make him more ready to deal with whatever trials await him.
Or whatever trials are standing behind him. In deceptively cute cinnamoroll slippers.
“I mean, I - It’s not like I just met him. I’ve known him for a long time, actually. It’s just only recently that I actually realized how perfect he’d be for you.”
And yet, even as the coffee machine gurgles to life and begins heating up, Yeonjun can tell by the sound of Beomgyu’s voice that he’s not saying something.
Narrowing his eyes, Yeonjun spins back around to level a look at the witch.
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not lying!”
“Okay, you’re not saying something, then. I know you, Beoms, and you’re not subtle.” Not with stuff like this, at least.
For a moment, they’re staring eachother down. Beomgyu with a stubborn tilt to his expression that Yeonjun refuses to give into because now he’s suspicious.
And then the witch sighs, shoulders falling as he casts his gazes over the rest of the kitchen.
“Okay, listen. My intentions are pure, Yeonjunnie-hyung, and I’m actually being very serious about Kai being your type and thinking you guys will work out super well and be a happy couple that rides off into the sunset together.”
“…But?”
Beomgyu hesitates a few moments longer, and Yeonjun is just gearing up to grab at him when, “He’s kinda… Soobin’s roommate.”
Oh.
My god.
“Choi Beomgyu -“
“Listen! Listen listen listen!”
“Aish, Choi Beomgyu, I am actually going to -“
“Hyung, listen! Just hear me out!” Beomgyu pleads, hurriedly backtracking out of the kitchen, but Yeonjun is faster and dives for the witch when he tries to spin around and actually bolt. It sends both of the crashing onto the carpet, Yeonjun making sure to absorb most of the impact even as he immediately begins wrestling his dongsaeng into submission.
“Yah, using your hyung like that! What’s gotten into you!”
Beomgyu squeals again when Yeonjun shoves his hands into the particularly sensitive spots in his sides, practically screaming ’Uncle, uncle! I give up!’ through his giggles and squirming until Yeonjun finally decides to have mercy and relents.
“Aish, no fair…” Beomgyu heaves when Yeonjun lifts his hands away, “You - You surprised me!”
“And I’ll do it again if you don’t start explaining.” Yeonjun raises his hands for emphasis and threat, and it gets another strangled sound out of the witch, who hurries to raise his hands in surrender.
“Okay, okay!”
Once he deems Beomgyu properly subdued, Yeonjun leans back to let the witch sit up, satisfied with the pout of his lips because it means he won.
Just what he won is up for debate, though, because if it involves Soobin, Yeonjun is probably not winning anything at all.
Beomgyu and his new and weird in love not-quite-best-friends-with-benefits but definitely not romantic relationship with Soobin is chaotic enough to warrant being named the ninth wonder of the world for just how stupid it is. In Yeonjun’s eyes, it’s actually physically painful how obviously down bad for eachother they are, and yet neither of them do anything serious about it. He can count on a few too many hands how many times Beomgyu has come home looking like he’d just gotten mauled, only to open his mouth and tell Yeonjun very emphatically that they’re not together together yet.
And apparently they’re not even having actual sex, just some crazy make out sessions and heavy petting and grinding like teenagers if they’re lucky because Soobin and his roommate are the definition of homebodies, and Soobin is too awkward to do anything outside of his apartment and yet he’s also apparently mortified about even the chance of being overheard by his roommate -
Oh.
This kid -
“Okay, just hear me out! I know you hate hearing about my whole Soobin thing, and I hate actually having a whole Soobin thing. Especially because it’s a whole Soobin thing minus sex. Like, how useless is that, hyung? It’s been over a month. Anyways, so - so I just figured that, you know, if we could just get some more alone time -“
“Are you bribing his roommate? Blackmailing him? Gyu, I’m not the solution to your sex life.”
“What? No, of course not. Kai is literally like the sweetest person you’ll ever meet - I’m pretty sure blackmailing him would actually get me thrown into hell, and Soobin would be giving the devil a helping hand with torturing me because he’s ridiculously protective over him.”
Yeonjun blinks. “Okay,” He draws, slowly, brain whirring with how weird his day is already shaping up to be, “So he just agreed to all of this all on his own? I’m not buying that. An introvert isn’t just going to magically decide he wants to be tied up like a bondage style Christmas tree threw up ribbons all over him and presented for a complete stranger.”
“Well…”
”Beomgyu.” Yeonjun raises his hands in threat again, and is satisfied when the witch squeaks and shuffles back again.
“Okay! So we have our reasons, but that’s actually classified information. But I promise it’s not bad, and I’m not blackmailing him!”
“I don’t believe you.”
“C’mon, hyung. Just trust me on this - Kai is a really great guy, and like I said before, I wasn’t lying when I said he would be perfect for you! And he agreed to come and meet you!”
Yeonjun sighs, and wonders if this is how he’ll get gray hairs. Maybe Beomgyu will eventually learn some kind of spell to prevent that.
“Beoms, listen, I get that you’re trying to figure out your whole…” Yeonjun waves a hand between them, because he doesn’t even know how to put that whole mess into words, “Thing with Soob, and I feel for you, truly, but again, I’m not the solution to your dating life.”
“But hyung! Just think about it - it’s perfect! You railing Kai frees Soobin up to rail me! And you even get a cute new boyfriend out of it, whom I have on very good authority to be a cuddling fanatic.” Beomgyu says it with the confidence and self-assurance that makes Yeonjun think that his roommate is actually insane.
And they’re literally just going in circles at this point, because Beomgyu seems dead set on making this a thing, and Yeonjun just knows he’s going to get a headache if they keep going back and forth.
It’s not like Yeonjun didn’t like Kai - quite the opposite, honestly. The younger witch literally looks like he could’ve stepped out of one of Yeonjun’s fantasies, and yet from the little he’d talked to him, he’d seemed sweet enough to be surreal.
But still. He’s not just going to jump into this because Beomgyu wants to finally fix his whole situation with Soobin and have sex.
“Beomgyu, this is insane. You’re insane. I need coffee.” Yeonjun pushes himself up to stand, now hoping Beomgyu will just suddenly realize how crazy this whole plan is and not follow him back into the kitchen.
Alas, that isn’t Yeonjun’s luck, because the witch’s footsteps are quick to follow after him.
“I’m perfectly sane, thank you. The idea is totally solid, you’re just being difficult for no good reason.”
Yeonjun pours a cup of coffee into his ever-sparkling ‘art is magic!’ mug, praying once more that it’s a good coffee day. Beomgyu had enchanted the machine when he’d first moved into Yeonjun’s apartment in a horribly unnecessary effort to prove how useful he could be, but it had only been his first year of university so now the machine is cursed to either make coffee that tastes absolutely divine or like it’s been burnt to a crisp. Yeonjun’s never wanted to make Beomgyu feel bad about it, so he just pretends it’s always good regardless.
“If you’re fine with talking Kai into coming here and getting literally tied up, can’t you just ask him, very politely, to get out for a few hours? Spend the night at a friend’s?” Yeonjun sips his coffee straight black, delighting in the fact that it’s one of the good coffee machine days. He pats the machine fondly and mentally thanks it for its hard work.
“Now hyung, you’re not thinking of the big picture here.” Beomgyu says as if he has some sort of sage wisdom, and the way he ‘tsks’ and shakes his head had something distinctly homicidal brewing inside of Yeonjun. “That would only be a temporary solution. For me to get laid and finally baby trap Soobin, we need something long term.”
“Hold on, wait, for you to what Soobin -“
“Which is where you come in! It’ll be perfect - if you two are together, Soobin is free, and vice versa.”
“Wait, Gyu, I’m still trying to figure out how, exactly, you’re planning to baby trap -“
“Semantics, hyung. Don’t worry about little things like that. All you need to think about is you, Kai, and how you’ll be forever credited as the savior of my love life.”
“Your sex life.”
“My sex life.”
Yeonjun wonders, if he throws back his perfect cup of piping hot coffee, will the burn be enough to wake him up from whatever psychological break he’s currently experiencing?
“H-Hyung?!”
Only one way to find out.