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“There is no scientific evidence to support the mechanism in which bondmates are matched. It has often been reported to be erratic, unexpected and confusing. However, the one consistency in all reported bondings it that the individuals involved are known to each other and already share an emotional connection.
An intimate touch between two individuals is the most common way to determine if there is a bond, most often this is completed with a kiss. However, others have reported physical embrace, hand holding and sexual encounters as the catalyst for their bond forming.
When a bond is created, there is an immediate physiological response which can lead to the appearance of sweating, flushing, breathlessness, tachycardia and tremulous limb movement. Some paired bonds also state feeling the need to be physically close to the point of pain if unable to touch for prolonged periods of time. This will eventually ease, allowing the bonded to be apart but can often feel daunting in the beginning.
Once a bond is established, markings representing each half of the bonded pair will begin to form on the skin. This is usually a letter or symbol representing their name, but can on the rare occasion be an image, taking on the appearance of a tattoo…”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Finding your bondmate was something that had always been romanticised when they were children. It was in all the movies and books they were forced to consume. Teen movies always focused on the geeky girl and the football player bonding, or in action movies the hero bonding with the woman in distress. A few showed what it was like to go through the death of a bondmate or living life without ever finding one, but they were always really grim and depressing and not realistic at all.
As a teenager, Alex never worried that he wouldn’t find his bondmate. While most people met in their late teens and early 20’s, his parents hadn’t found each other until their 30’s. He even had an uncle who had never found his bondmate and had instead lived with his “wife” until she unexpectedly died at the age of 64. And while that had been unconventional for that generation, especially as unbonded marriage wasn’t legally binding, it had become increasingly normal.
When he met Rachel at the age of 21, he thought he’d actually been one of the lucky ones and found his bondmate at an early age. She was 19 and had just started at the same Cambridge college he was attending. Apparently, she’d taken a gap year before starting her studies which is why he hadn’t seen her the year before. Not only was she stunningly beautiful, but she was extremely intelligent, funny and caring, and he was so crazy about her it had scared the absolute shit out of him. For some unknown reason to him, she found him hilariously funny and wanted to spend as much time with him as he did with her. They quickly became inseparable but never quite bridged that gap from friendship to romance. Until one day Alex got brave (drunk) enough to just ask her to go on a date with him. She had looked at him with such sadness that it made him feel that she was going to say no, but instead she had leaned forward and kissed him.
It hadn’t been the most spectacular kiss. They’d shared a million more kisses since then that truly blew his socks off, but that first one was incredibly memorable in that it just wasn’t. Sparks didn’t fly like everyone said it would when you kissed your bondmate for the first time. He never felt his insides light up in fire or the need to reach out and just hold her as close to him as possible. There was just nothing.
“Sorry,” she had said.
“Why?”
“I’m not your bondmate,” she explained. Alex nodded, because he knew this. Knew as soon as their lips touched. “I already found mine.”
Alex frowned in confusion, “Oh.”
He couldn’t understand why she would spend all her time with him if she had a bondmate.
Smiling softly she reached out and took hold of his hand. “He died. Car crash when we were 17.”
“Oh god. Rachel. I’m so sorry,” he said, pulling her close to him and into a hug.
Rachel explained everything that happened. John had been his name. They’d been each other’s first kiss when they were 15 and had been mostly inseparable since then. Once they could finally be apart for more than a couple of days, he went on holiday with his parents to visit family in Dublin, but never came back. Needless to say, she’d been devastated and had to take a gap year to firstly, grieve and learn to live without him, and secondly figure out her life plans as they had completely changed.
After they spoke, Alex didn’t bring up the idea of dating again until a few weeks later when Rachel kissed him again. She had raised her eyebrows at him in challenge afterwards, and well he’d never been one to back down from a dare.
When Alex says she’s the love of his life, he absolutely means it. Nobody has ever meant more to him. They continued to date all the way through undergraduate and postgraduate degrees, before finally making the decision to marry. They both wanted children and knew that while the marriage would never be legal in the eyes of the law, they wanted that stability there for any child they may have.
Alex never looked for his bondmate. He didn’t need to. He had the most amazing life partner and 3 wonderful children. Parents and brothers that he remained close to, as well as many close friends who had grown up both with himself and Rachel and fully supported them. Finding his bondmate was the absolute last thing on his mind, which is why he’d never thought twice about kissing his co-host and friend, Greg Davies during the filming of Taskmaster.
The past 3 or 4 series they had started to play up the possible sexual relationship between the Taskmaster and his assistant. It was funny. The audience loved it. Fans always told them how hilarious it was. He and Greg had drunkenly joked about playing gay chicken on the show at some point and Alex had thought “what the hell, why not?”. So it was written into the show. Neither thought they’d go through with it and thought the director would step in before it actually happened. But no one stopped them, and they all let the kiss happen.
At first it had been funny, a continuation of their joke but after the initial connection something made them both go back in for a second press of lips. When Alex finally pulled back, both of them smiling, he felt the breath being absolutely knocked out of him, could hear his pulse whooshing in his ears and Greg’s eyes, which were locked with his own were filled with what could only be described as lust. Alex felt like his entire body was on fire and he wanted nothing more than to climb on top of Greg and devour him and it was only Andy shouting in his ear to move on that broke him out of the trance.
As he continued into the next task intro, he could feel Greg tense up beside him and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort him. As Greg turned to watch the VT he reached back himself and Alex automatically gave his hand a squeeze with his own. They both quickly dropped the contact, but it was clear to Alex that he wasn’t the only one who had felt whatever had happened between them.
Alex could feel his hands shaking as he tallied up the scores, thankful that a break in filming was coming up as they would be setting up for the studio task.
As the contestants made their way to the stage, Alex stood on wobbly feet and started to make his way to side stage. Greg stood to allow his throne to be moved and followed Alex. They wouldn’t be able to talk in private with all the people around, but they didn’t need to.
“Have I gone mad?” Greg asked.
Alex shook his head, “No. It definitely hap…,” he paused as a runner squeezed past them. “No.”
Greg nodded. “I want to…” He made to reach out with his hand but quickly drew it back again.
“It’s a quick task,” Alex said, referring to the upcoming studio task. “Should hopefully be done in one or two takes.”
“Well now you’ve jinxed it,” Greg joked, smiling a little.
Alex returned the smile and gave in to the temptation to touch Greg, ignoring everyone around them and squeezing his hand. Greg gasped quietly, and Alex couldn’t help but mirror it. The connection of their skin made him feel like tiny electric shocks were shooting up his arm, his pulse quickening again while a dull heat sprung to life low in his abdomen. He could only assume Greg felt it too. They quickly dropped their hands but remained standing close together, just staring at each other and neither daring to talk for fear of being heard until they were called back to set to continue with the final task.
He had been right of course. It didn’t take very many takes to complete the final task. It hadn’t been one of their best ideas and for once Alex was extremely grateful for his lack of creativity.
Even though they were only about 20 feet apart, and could see each other at all times, not being next to Greg and being able to touch him was actually physically painful. As the task had went on he’d been able to see that Greg had felt it too. He’d actually paled and didn’t look well at all. Meanwhile Alex felt he was sweating and flushed so much that he must look purple to everyone in the audience. He could only hope it didn’t show up on the camera, because he couldn’t stand the thought of having make up come in to fix him and then have to refilm the task, just for him to feel worse. All he wanted to do was crawl into Greg’s lap and never let go.
By the time he got back to Greg, the runners were resetting their thrones and the contestant’s chairs. Greg used the guise of taking Alex’s ipad off of one of the production assistants and passing it off to Alex to touch him. He placed a hand on his lower back, “moving” him out of the way of the thrones being carried back to place, and pulled him to the side.
“Alright?” he asked quietly, chewing his gum more vigorously than Alex had ever seen him do before.
Alex nodded, “For now, yeah.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As soon as the sound team got their mics back and they’d waved goodbye to the contestants, Greg all but marched Alex into his dressing room, slammed the door behind them and pinned Alex up against it.
Arousal shot through Alex and he was only able to get out the word “Fuck,” before Greg was on him, kissing him hard and making his toes curl in a way he’d never felt before. Alex was hard in seconds and could feel Greg was in the same state as himself as they ground up against each other.
With a strength he didn’t know he had, he made himself bring his hand back from where it was wrapped around Greg’s neck where he was holding him close, to Greg’s chest and pushed against him.
Greg pulled back only enough to allow Alex to speak. Although with Greg panting against his mouth he struggled to think, but he was finally able to get out one word. “Rachel.”
Greg deflated against him, his head falling onto Alex’s shoulder. “Shit.”
“Yeah,” Alex agreed, there was no other way to describe it. “I need to talk to her.”
Nodding, Greg stood up and looked down at him. “I’ll come with then,” he said because being apart wasn’t really an option right now. He pulled back, putting as much distance between them as possible.
“Did you drive?” Alex asked him. “Cause I got a car from production.”
Greg snorted in amusement. “Course you did,” he said with a grin. “Big producer and all that.”
Alex rolled his eyes. “My car is in the garage and Rachel needed hers,” he explained as he pushed himself off the door.
“I can drive us,” Greg let him know as he grabbed his jacket off the hanger in the corner and fished around for the keys. “We should go now though before traffic gets bad.”
They were doing all the studio recordings during the afternoon this time due to Asim and Russell having some other filming commitments in the evenings. It meant there were early starts but they also got to finish by 4pm so were able to miss the peak of rush hour and have their evenings free for a change.
Neither of them bothered changing back out of their suits, quickly making their way out before anyone could spot them and ask why they would be leaving together. Especially since Greg was going to be driving in the complete opposite direction of his home in central London and towards Chesham instead. As they snuck across the car park and into Greg’s absolutely giant and completely conspicuous Range Rover, Alex couldn’t help but laugh.
“We must look ridiculous.”
Greg smiled at him in agreement but didn’t slow his pace to the car, so Alex quickened his stride to follow. Why they felt the need to sneak, he wasn’t entirely sure. What had happened between them would become common knowledge VERY soon.
As they drove past the security guard at the gate, who barely looked up at them from his spot inside his cabin, the realisation of what was happening seemed to hit Greg.
“Fuck we’ll need to register,” he said, hands jerking on the wheel a little. “And I’ll need to tell my mum. Fuck knows if she’ll be more relieved or angry at me for making her wait so long,” he added with a mirthless laugh.
“At least you don’t have to explain it to your children,” Alex said. He reached over and gave Greg’s elbow a short squeeze, hating the fact that the car was a manual so they couldn’t hold hands like they do in the movies. “And we’ll need to tell Avalon and the production team so they can make changes.”
Greg nodded. “I think I might be too old for this. Whoever heard of someone bonding at the age of fifty, for fuck’s sake.”
“I’m sure you’re not the first,” Alex said as his phone vibrated in his pocket. “What do you want for dinner?”
“What?” Greg asked in confusion.
“Rachel’s asking what to make for dinner. I was going to tell her you were bringing me home.”
“We’re not letting her make us dinner just to tell her we’re bonded. Fucking hell, Alex.”
“Well I need to tell her something and I can’t exactly tell her our game of gay chicken turned into a romantic comedy, Greg.”
“Tell her to get some pizza or whatever they have in fucking Chesham. I don’t know,” Greg said, waving his hand at him as if Alex was being unreasonable. “My treat,” he added as an afterthought.
Alex, not having the energy to argue just typed to Rachel that Greg was giving him a lift home and they could decide what to do when they got there. Rachel just sent back a thumbs up and a kissing face emoji and Alex immediately felt a giant ball of led settle in his stomach.
Feeling suddenly nauseous Alex turned and put the window down to let some fresh air into the stifling atmosphere. Greg reached over and gave his knee a squeeze.
“It’s going to be okay,” he said. “It’ll be shit for a bit, but it’ll be okay in the end. I mean I know I’m not exactly anyone’s dream bondmate but…”
“Greg, shut up.” Alex told him. “I’m not disappointed. Far from it. I just hate knowing that I’m going to hurt Rachel, unintentional as it may be.”
Greg sighed. “Yeah, mate. I know. Me too.”
It didn’t take them long to reach Alex and Rachel’s home in Chesham. Greg pulled into the drive and parked next to Rachel rather than behind her at Alex’s direction. “In case she wants to leave,” Alex had explained.
As they made their way inside it was extremely evident that none of the boys were home. “Rachel?” Alex called.
“In the kitchen,” she called back. “The boys are round at the Richard’s just now. Should be home for dinner.” The Richards family lived just down the street. They also had 3 boys around the same ages as their own and they’d been good friends since he and Rachel had moved there.
“Right,” Alex said as he and Greg entered the kitchen. Rachel turned to greet them, smiling at them both but then her face dropped.
“Christ, what happened?” She asked, looking incredibly worried.
Alex frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You both still have your suits and your make up on, and you both look like someone has died,” she explained. “Fuck, who died?”
Alex stared at her, mouth flapping but nothing coming out of it.
“Nobody died, Rachel,” Greg said before walking over to the dining table in the corner. “Come and sit down, we need to talk to you.”
Rachel frowned but followed him, as did Alex who made Rachel frown even more as he sat next to Greg and not in his usual seat. None of them spoke for a moment before Rachel looked down and sighed. “Shit.”
Alex glanced at Greg who shrugged, then back at her, “Rach…”
“You bonded.” She said, looking up at them both and giving them a pained smile.
“Uh..”
“Look at your hands, Alex.”
Alex and Greg immediately looked at their hands. Right there, on the middle fingers of their left hands were small tattoo looking images. Alex had a dragon styled into the shape of a G with celtic knots wrapping around the finger and starting to creep over his knuckles. It could take days for it to fully develop so who knows how intricate it would eventually end up being. Meanwhile Greg…
“A fucking pineapple, Alex?!”
Alex couldn’t help but laugh and thankfully both Rachel and Greg also saw the funny side of it. Reaching out, Alex took hold of Greg’s hand and brought it closer to look at more thoroughly.
“It’s not just a pineapple, it’s also an A and there’s some pretty filigree bits on it too.”
“Everyone’s going to think I’m a fucking swinger now,” Greg huffed as he took his hand back to examine it more.
“What happened then?” Rachel asked, looking a bit more relaxed.
“We were just doing a bit,” Alex explained, “it was just meant to be a quick kiss. A joke. Neither of us thought… It wasn’t deliberate.”
Rachel nodded, “That’s usually how it happens I guess.”
They all fell into silence, Alex fighting the urge to look more closely at his bondmark again.
“I’ll put the kettle on,” Greg finally said as he stood up. As he slid behind Alex to get out from behind the table, he gave his shoulder a soft squeeze of encouragement and casually dragged a finger across the back of his neck. “If you guys have any earphones I can borrow, you can talk in private,” he added. “Don’t think there’s another way for you to do it for now, I’m afraid.”
“It’s fine, Greg,” Rachel said. “You’re his bondmate. Nothing stays secret.” Greg gave her a gentle smile and set about making tea.
Alex watched their interaction, feeling exceptionally lucky to have both of them in his life. But as he looked at them, he was aware that while he felt an impressive amount of love for Rachel, whatever he felt for Greg was so much more. And it was terrifying.
“Are you going to take the kids?” she asked quietly.
“What?” Alex asked in shock. “No. Of course not. I’d never do that to you. Or to them. Jesus, Rachel.”
“Sorry, it’s just with the laws…”
“The laws can get fucked,” Alex said. “You’re their mum. They need you.”
Rachel smiled at him, her eyes a little watery but no tears falling. “You just hear all these horror stories about people losing their kids after their partner bonds with someone. And it’s really the one thing I’ve always worried about if you ever found your bondmate.”
Alex wanted to reach out to her, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to. He didn’t want to touch anyone but Greg. Rachel for her part was keeping her own hands firmly on her side of the table like she knew… “You know what we’re feeling,” he said quietly. “Greg, and I.”
Rachel nodded. “For all that we were teenagers, John… it was intense. I don’t know how you’re able to just sit there like that if I’m honest.”
“Maybe cause we’re old as fuck,” Greg said as he came back over with tea for them all. “Libidos aren’t the same.”
“Speak for yourself,” Alex snorted, then stopped as he felt absolutely horrified at just what that was insinuating.
Luckily, both Rachel and Greg just smiled at him, Greg finally reaching over to take his hand.
“Right. So, what do you want to do?” Rachel asked. “Do we sell the house? Do I move out and Greg moves in? How are we going to work this?”
“Well I guess,” Alex turned to Greg… “What do you think?”
“I mean, I don’t think we should give up the flat,” Greg said. “It’s convenient if either of us have to be in London late or for multiple days of filming. But keeping it as a second home and moving out here closer to boys, I’m happy to do that,” he added with a shrug.
“We could live in the granny flat in the garage,” Alex suggested. “Until we figure it out.”
“No,” Rachel said. “We’re not doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“The throuple thing,” she said. “It’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to Greg.”
“But I promised you,” Alex said, realising that his thought that they could all live under the same roof probably wasn’t going to come to fruition. “I promised I’d always be here.”
“You also promised me the night before we got married that if you ever bonded, you’d give that one hundred percent of your focus and let me go.”
Alex deflated, knowing she was right.
“Okay, so Greg and I will move out,” he said as he turned to Greg. “We can stay at the flat in London until we find something nearby…”
“What about the mortgage?” Rachel asked. “I don’t think I can afford that on my own.”
“So we sell?” Alex asked, and Rachel shrugged. “Don’t really think it’s fair on the boys though. To move them like that.”
“I’ll move out then, you guys move in here.”
Alex turned to Greg, “Would you be okay with that…”
Greg sighed. “I don’t know Alex. Feels a bit like moving the wife out and the mistress in… Why don’t we all just take our time and figure it out. Don’t think any of us are in a rush are we?”
Alex shrugged and Rachel shook her head in a no.
“We all have decent salaries,” Greg explained. “Between us we could afford to buy two new homes. If we need to me and Alex…”
“Alex and I.”
Greg frowned at Alex’s interruption but didn’t comment. He knew Alex couldn’t help it. But no doubt they’d bicker about it at some point. “Me and Alex,” Greg continued, “can chip in with the mortgage until we all decide what’s happening.”
“Okay so that’s sorted. But we should probably talk about child support and custody…”
“Take some time off first,” Rachel interrupted. “The next couple of weeks are going to be super intense for you both. Sort yourselves out first then we can chat about everything else.”
Alex nodded. “Right, of course. Guess we should start to make some phone calls and let people know so that we can clear our schedules.”
“Speak for yourself, I’ve already kept my schedule clear next week. Not all of us have back to back production meetings,” Greg said with a smug grin. “You call Rob and the Andys, I’ll call my mum and then we can call Avalon together.”
“I need to tell my mum too you know,” Alex said.
“Yeah but your mum won’t just show up at your door and move in for a month when she gets bored of the gossip at the local bowling club. She needs to know she can’t do that for a while.”
“And on that note, I’m going to go get us all some dinner,” Rachel said as she stood and held her hand out towards Greg. “Wallet please. I believe you said you’d be paying.”
Greg pulled his credit card out of his wallet and handed it to her. “I’ll text you the pin.”
“Thanks,” she said and left them both with a soft smile.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“There’s a twenty-four hour registry office in Lambeth,” Alex said as he and Greg travelled back to London. “We can head there after you get changed. Should hopefully be pretty quiet this time of night.”
Greg sighed. They were both tired so Alex could understand why. “Sure, book us in.”
Alex quickly booked the 23:30 slot and paid the fee. It was unfortunately the law that they had to register within 24 hours of bonding. Alex didn’t think either of them would have the energy or the time to go in the morning. Their evening had already been exhausting.
The call with Rob hadn’t exactly gone bad but he hadn’t believed Alex at first. It wasn’t until Alex called him back on face time and he could show him the bond mark, hold up Greg’s and let him hear that Greg was trying to get his mum to “stop crying woman, for fuck’s sake” that he actually took them seriously. Said he’d be able to delay filming by a few hours if they needed to but to call in the morning if they had to postpone instead. He’d also thankfully took on the responsibility of informing the rest of the production team.
Then once Greg had ended the call with his mum they’d quickly called their agent. Thankfully they were both managed by Avalon and had the same agent, so it made things a little easier. To say she was shocked was an understatement but she remained very professional and told them she’d take care of the press statement and clear as much of their schedules over the next month as she could, but she couldn’t promise miracles.
After the calls had ended, Alex realised he should change out of the suit before the boys got home and pack some things to take with him. Naturally Greg had followed him, helping to pack while Alex changed into jeans and a jumper, and ran about the room trying to grab what he would need over the next few weeks.
“Birth certificate?” Greg had asked, reminding Alex that he would need that.
“In the safe,” Alex had told him. They soon left the bedroom and headed towards the study where the safe was hidden behind a bookshelf. Alex pulled out his passport and birth certificate, as well as his Will as that would need changing. He shoved it all into his laptop bag and followed Greg out to the car.
They’d just finished storing his things in the back of Greg’s car when the kids ran up the driveway behind them. Alex had managed to wrangle them all inside to wash up before Rachel finally arrived back with dinner.
Alex was well aware she’d taken some extra time to get dinner. She’d been gone for about 90 minutes and the Chinese was only 10 minutes down the road. He didn’t say anything about it though especially as her eyes were a little puffy as if she’d been crying.
Dinner had been boisterous at first with the kids telling them all about their day and excited that Greg was visiting. But then they asked what was on his and Greg’s hands. So Alex had to explain that he and Greg had to have a kiss for work and that they’d bonded because of it.
The kids knew their parents weren’t bonded and they knew that Rachel’s bondmate had died when he was young, it was the reason for the scar on her wrist. But Alex knew that him finding a bondmate wasn’t something that had ever crossed their minds. Not at their age anyway.
Obviously they were upset. It would have been unusual if they hadn’t been. They couldn’t understand why Greg couldn’t just move in and he remain married to Rachel. Trying to explain that it would be a bit awkward for everyone involved because he and Greg needed to “cuddle” a lot wasn’t exactly easy, but they reluctantly accepted it.
Alex had promised to call them every night, and he’d come back to visit next week, which had appeased them a little. He wasn’t going away forever.
Rachel had walked them to the door, Greg going to the car to give them some privacy to say goodbye. Alex felt like he should hug her but couldn’t quite bring himself to.
“I never thought this would happen,” he said to her. “Thought it would always be us and we’d die old and decrepit together.”
“We can still do that,” Rachel said. “Greg will now just be there too.”
Alex nodded with a small smile. “I’ll call tomorrow night if that’s okay?”
“Of course it is.”
And with that he’d joined Greg in the car, and they’d started their journey into London.
Greg had put some quiet music on for the drive and it had sparked a conversation of when they would tell their friends. Alex probably had to let the Horne Section guys know soon as they were talking about doing a small tour. That would have to be put on hold. But Greg suggested they wait until the morning. Just send out a mass text or something before the press release at 10:00. Alex agreed that would probably be best. It was already getting late, they needed to register and also try and sleep. God they’d have to share a bed. Even if nothing else happened, they’d have to get used to each other’s snoring.
As they pulled into Greg’s borough, Alex started to play with his wedding ring. It was something he often did when he was nervous, but now it made him feel uncomfortable. He could see Greg side eye his twitching, but with London traffic he couldn’t reach over to reassure him and Alex didn’t want to be the one to reach out and cause an accident.
“I should take it off,” he said quietly.
“You don’t have to for my sake,” Greg replied.
“Rachel and I aren’t together anymore,” he explained. “It doesn’t feel right to keep it on.”
“Well wait until we’re home and you can put it away for safe keeping.”
Home. That was a strange concept now. Home had always been with Rachel and the boys, but now… well it would still be with the boys but now Greg would be there instead of Rachel.
“You alright?” Greg asked as they finally headed towards the parking garage.
“It’s just weird,” he said as they pulled to a stop. “I feel like my mind has been completely reset in the space of a few hours.”
“Fucking tell me about it,” Greg said as he turned the engine off. “If you’d have told me yesterday that I, an established bachelor who’s never married or been close to marrying any of his previous partners would be moving my bondmate, who I’d been working alongside for the past three years, into my flat and be feeling things I’d never felt before in my entire life, I probably would’ve laughed so hard I’d have passed out.”
“Well that’s not true, you and Liz were close to getting married.”
“Not the point, Alex,” Greg said as he finally got out of the car. Alex quickly followed him, going to the boot to grab his things. “And no, we weren’t. Her career was always more important to her, and she would never have had an unbonded marriage. Could you imagine the scandal?!” he asked in mock outrage.
Alex didn’t answer that. He’d seen it go badly enough times before. Politicians having an unbonded marriage was extremely rare. Most of the political parties didn’t support it because of all the traditionalists who controlled the money they got. The fact that Greg had been living with Liz and in a very public relationship with her for so long had been really quite unusual.
“Is that why you broke up?” Alex asked as they got into the lift.
“That and a few differences in political opinion,” Greg said with a sigh. “There were a few votes in parliament that year that I didn’t agree with. Taskmaster was just about to air the first series and I didn’t want people to think I held the same view,” he explained. “That and the whole children thing.”
Alex frowned, remaining quiet as they got out of the lift and walked down the corridor towards what would now be his new home. He could see a few ring doorbells and didn’t think any conversation they would have should be caught on the cameras of their neighbours. Once inside however…
“What children thing?” he asked. “Cause I hate to break it to you, once we register you’re going to be legally responsible for three.”
Greg sighed as he threw his keys onto the hall table and slipped his shoes off. “It’s not that I never wanted kids,” he explained. “I just felt too old. Who wants their Dad to be fifty years older than them? And I already love the boys. Amazing kids, Alex. You know this. Being a third parent to them… it’s a lot, but it’s not something I’m ever going to regret.”
Alex couldn’t help but give him a soft smile as he stepped into Greg’s space. “You’re going to be an amazing Dad. Even if you are old,” he told him with a cheeky grin, leaning up to steal a small kiss before Greg could reply. “Now, where should I put everything?”
They spent 20 minutes, figuring out how to fit Alex’s things in next to Greg’s. Greg unceremoniously dumped the contents of 2 drawers (from the 5 drawer unit in the bedroom) onto the floor of his wardrobe to deal with later, then cleared one half of the wardrobe altogether, squeezing his clothes onto 2 of the 4 rails. Not that it helped much as there were only a few spare hangers.
Then they attempted to figure out a way to set up the spare room/office so that Alex could use it too. There was only one desk and one desk chair but there was a fold out couch so one of them could always use that. But they eventually agreed to leave it for the time being and figure it out in a day or two. And that was when they realised that they both needed to use the bathroom and had to figure out a way to do that without causing bodily harm.
They decided to just go for it, trying to be as quick as possible but as soon as each of them was done they had grabbed onto each other for a solid five minutes to allow their bodies to settle again before the other took their turn.
“If God was real I’d punch him in the face for making this so painful,” Greg said as he buried his face in Alex’s neck, post pee. Alex could only pat him on the back and cling on himself in reply, agreeing wholeheartedly.
When they were finished and Greg had changed out of his suit they gathered all the documents they would need and called an Uber to take them to the registry office. Greg having decided he didn’t want to drive anymore that day. Also getting parked in Lambeth would be a “fucking nightmare”.
Just as they were about to leave, Alex finally slipped his wedding band off and dropped it onto the hall table next to the mail. Greg didn’t say anything about it, just took his hand and led him outside.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The registration itself had been pretty painless. There hadn’t been very many people there and the ones that were, didn’t appear to be originally from the UK so wouldn’t have grown up watching Greg on TV or really be aware of Dave and Taskmaster. So they were left undisturbed.
A few staff who were working there did however recognise them, insinuating heavily that they didn’t believe the bond was real. Multiple members of staff repeated to them that it was illegal to fake a bond until Greg finally snapped at them that Alex had to leave his wife and kids, Greg had to tell his 78 year old mother and risk her having a heart attack, he couldn’t pee in private without feeling like someone was trying to rip his insides out from his arsehole and that his bond mark was a fucking pineapple. Why would he fake that?! Needless to say, no one questioned them after that.
“If you watch the next series of taskmaster it’ll make sense,” Alex informed them.
“They are not keeping the kiss in, Alex. Absolutely not.”
Alex had been surprised at Greg’s very serious tone. He didn’t normally mind embarrassing moments being shown. But if he really didn’t want to share it, then Alex wouldn’t force it. “Okay, we’ll talk to the team tomorrow.”
The rest of the process had gone smoothly, and thankfully all of those working there were legally prohibited from telling anyone about the people who had registered their bond with them. By midnight they were back in an uber, on their way home with their new bonding certificate in hand.
The Uber back was very quiet, especially after the driver made no secret of the fact that he recognised them. They didn’t need a random tweet to get picked up by the press before they released their statement in the morning. Alex pulled the cuffs of his jumper down over his hands to hide his mark while Greg put his hands in his pocket. Though given where they’d been picked up from, they may not be able to hide it at all.
Once home, Greg having made sure to give a generous tip and leave a 5 star review before they’d even made their way into the building, they were both able to let out a sigh of relief.
“I know it’s late, but do you want a cup of tea or anything? Actually, I should probably show you where the tea and everything else is…”
Alex grabbed Greg’s hand and pulled him away from the kitchen. “I think we should both just sleep. It’s late and we have an early start…”
“Just sleep or…” Greg looked somewhat hopeful and while Alex’s body was very much on board with whatever Greg had in mind, his brain was making him put the breaks on.
“For now. If that’s okay?”
Greg squeezed his hand, “Of course it is,” he said. “I know this is a big change for us both, you more than me. Going slow probably isn’t too bad an idea.”
After they had both rushed through their evening routine to prevent any unnecessary pain, they climbed into bed together and just lay side by side until Greg finally broke the silence.
“Alex,” he whispered into the darkness.
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad it’s you.”
Alex smiled to himself and turned towards Greg, throwing an arm over his chest. Just because they were taking things slow didn’t mean they couldn’t cuddle. “I’m glad it’s you too.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next day they arrived at the studio bright and early. Their morning together had been a lot more pleasant than they’d anticipated. They’d discovered that they were able to be in separate rooms for short periods of time without any kind of discomfort or pain. Apparently, they would be able to be apart for longer and longer and at greater distances the stronger their bond became. And it had definitely become stronger if their marks were anything to go by. They were both darker and larger, creeping up over their wrists. Greg had another very detailed pineapple on the back of his hand, while Alex had a Welsh Dragon. Neither of them had ever seen marks like it before and they weren’t quite sure what it would mean for them.
As they made their way inside, they noticed straight away that Alex no longer had a dressing room of his own and that the laminate with his name was on the opposite door with Greg’s.
“Probably smart thing to do,” Greg said as he opened the door. Even though Alex was the creator, Greg had the bigger dressing room as he’d asked for a room with a shower so he could freshen up between episodes. So it made sense to move Alex in there rather than the other way round.
They dropped their bags inside, which included their suits that they’d had to bring back for cleaning and thankfully saw spare ones hanging on the rail in the corner. All of Alex’s personal items had been moved over from his old dressing room and were mixed in with Greg’s. He wanted to say it was weird, but it actually brought him a lot of comfort.
Next they brought out their phones, as planned and sent a mass whatsapp message to each of their closest friends; “Just wanted to let you know there will be a press release today at 10:00am to announce that Greg and I (Alex and I) have bonded. We’re still adjusting and dealing with everything together with Rachel and the boys as a family. We hope you can understand that we will need our privacy over the next few days so we might not reply to all messages or calls, but we appreciate your support during the transition into a new era of our lives.”
“Just want to make it clear, I still hate the formality of all that,” Greg said as he turned his phone off and placed it in his pocket.
Alex wasn’t able to fully turn his off in case the boys needed him, but he put it on silent which was the best he could do. “I know,” he said, placating Greg with a quick kiss.
They didn’t linger for long and quickly made their way to the production office for the meeting that had been scheduled for them – although they had been reassured by email that they could have attended via video call if they didn’t feel they could film that day, but they both wanted to show that just because they had bonded, didn’t mean they still couldn’t do their jobs.
The meeting room was already filled with people. Both the Andy’s and Rob were there along with a couple of representatives from Avalon and a group of folks that had to be HR and lawyers from Dave. After saying hello to everyone and doing their best to ignore the stares their hands were getting the took their seats.
“Guys this is Jeff, from the union,” their agent said to them both. “He’s just here to observe for now. He was the only non-comedian rep I could get. Didn’t think you’d want someone you were mates with here for this.”
“Oh, thanks,” Greg said with a look of surprise. Neither of them had thought to speak to the union, and they definitely wouldn’t want someone from the circuit as their rep. It would be just their luck to get someone who wouldn’t be able to help themselves from making jokes.
“Right, shall we get started?” the lawyers said.
It was actually a lot more boring than Alex had anticipated. Most of the discussion revolved around arrangements for the post production meetings with Alex. They decided he could attend via facetime on his ipad so that Greg could continue to work from his home office too as he had a couple of writing projects to finish up. They all agreed not to delay the filming of the next series. It wouldn’t start until next month anyway and both he and Greg hoped to be able to function as normally as possible by then. And if not, Greg would just need to wait in the green room as the tasks were being completed. Greg also had some filming commitments, but they could work around Alex. His schedule wasn’t as tight.
“And are we telling the current contestants?” Andy C asked.
“We probably should,” Alex said, “Before the press statement anyway.”
“Okay I’ll handle that.”
“Actually, I should probably speak with Alice,” Alex said. “She’s been friends with Rachel for a long time…”
“Ah, actually on that note, Russell might already know,” Greg added, not needing to elaborate on their well known friendship. “But I’d like to speak with him first if that’s possible?”
“Of course,” Andy C said with an understanding smile.
And that was when things started to get heated. Before they could wrap up and get to pre-production, one of the lawyers for Dave brought up the airing of the kiss. Of course both Greg and Alex said no to it, backed by their rep, Jeff. But the lawyers were really pushing for it.
“I understand why you want to keep it private,” Andy D said, trying to play the middle man. “But from a director’s point of view it makes more sense to keep it in for continuity.”
Rob then also chimed in, “There’s also the risk that people might think you were having some sordid affair, unless we show it.”
“Bollocks!” Greg said. “Anyone who knows us, knows that neither of us would do that and fuck everyone else.”
“There was an entire audience and crew there to back us up,” Alex added.
“Watch the footage and think about it over the weekend. We can talk about it post production…”
“Actually,” one of the lawyers interrupted. “Dave would like it to be included and if you go over your contracts, you’ll see that Dave actually has full control over what makes it into the final edit.”
The following silence was deafening. Alex felt Greg start to stand but reached out with his hand to calm him and turned towards the lawyers. “Is that really how your bosses want to do this?”
The lawyers all nodded. “It’s good television.”
Both the people from HR and Jeff looked like they wanted to interrupt, probably to state something about the laws protecting newly bonded couples from exploitation. But Alex silenced them with just a look.
“If that’s what they want, then that’s what they want.”
Alex then stood and Greg automatically followed him, looking very confused as he did.
“Greg and I need to have breakfast. We’ll meet you all in thirty for the read through.”
Nobody stopped them as they left. Alex was aware that his own calm, silence was extremely out of character for him. Especially as he was usually the voice of reason at these meetings. However, he was so angry he knew if he’d stayed in that room and tried to negotiate, he would have said or done something he would have regretted.
As soon as they were back in their dressing room he let go of Greg’s hand and took his anger out on the empty umbrella stand in the corner.
“Bloody hell mate, I know you’re angry but what did the umbrella stand do?”
Alex immediately deflated. “Sorry. I just hate those corporate lawyers.”
Greg shrugged, “You’re not the only one,” he said. “But I thought you’d push back more if I’m honest. Or let me…”
“Our contract is up for renewal next year,” Alex said. “If Dave go ahead and push forward with airing this, then we’ll be looking to move networks.”
“To where?” Greg asked in surprise.
Alex shrugged. “No idea. But we’re their most popular show and if they exploit us like this, I’ll not only sue the fuck out of them, but I’ll never sign another contract with them again. I’d rather let the show die.”
Greg nodded and stepped towards him, “You know, I’ve never seen this side to you before.”
“What side?”
“This angry, macho man in charge side.”
Alex snorted, Greg’s attempt at cheering him up starting to work.
“It’s extremely attractive,” Greg told him, stroking a finger down Alex’s arm. “In fact, makes me want to go down on you. If we weren’t taking things slow, I’d be on my knees right now.”
Suddenly the need to go slow felt completely unnecessary, “Oh well, I’d say your joints might not appreciate it, but if you insist…”
Of course they were interrupted by a knock at the door. Greg rolled his eyes, gave Alex a quick kiss on the cheek and went to answer whoever was wanting entry. It was a runner with breakfast and both Russell and Alice behind her.
“Sorry, Rob said you both wanted to talk to these two and I know you both must be hungry,” she said bashfully.
“Thanks, Molly,” Alex said as Greg took the breakfast from her. “You two better come in.”
While Russell could be an immature twat at times, he was actually very understanding of their situation. Something similar had happened with his parents and he offered his services to talk to the boys if needed at any time. Alice was a bit more difficult. Greg let Alex lead the conversation, explaining how it had happened and that Rachel, while understandably upset was okay and he’d promised to always do right by her. Again, Alice understood, she was bonded herself so could understand what they were going through. But she was mostly relieved that Alex wasn’t going to take the boys away from Rachel and that they planned to continue parenting together. Her loyalties would always be with Rachel, but she didn’t want to lose Alex’s friendship either, which he very much appreciated.
By the time they got round to filming the episode, starting just one hour later than normal Alex was absolutely exhausted from talking about him and Greg. His phone was going nuts with messages from friends and journalists looking for an interview. The press release had gone out three hours earlier and it had been nonstop since then. They also realised that the audience was going to be watching them more closely.
Make up had offered to try and cover up their bond marks, but they’d both insisted they be left. Something about covering them up felt almost sacrilegious to Alex and he’d bet his left testicle that Greg felt the same. They agreed to act as if nothing had changed, which wasn’t that difficult to do with the script already written. Greg thankfully didn’t change his usual pre-show modus operandi and made Alex dance to a song he’d made up on the spot. Much to the delight of the crowd.
Alex muttered “You can sleep on the sofa for that,” under his breath, forgetting that he was being recorded but Greg’s laughter and touch to his lower back made him decide he wasn’t going to care about it. It’d make a good addition to the outtakes. And as agreed they didn’t mention their new bond, apart from just after watching Team Funk’s musical task where Alex declared he really wanted to be Greg’s son.
Greg just turned to look at him before turning back to his cards and saying “Well that won’t make going to bed tonight awkward at all.”
Alex nodded, “But can I still call you Daddy?”
Trying to hide his laughter while the audience very much let theirs out, Greg smiled at him and patted him on the knee. “Course, you can Baby Boy.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After filming both episodes for the day, both Andy’s and Rob found them in their dressing room to ask them as friends what they wanted to do about the kiss.
Alex sighed and looked to Greg who just shrugged. Even though Greg was the one who had been very adamant about not including it he apparently wanted to leave it up to Alex now. “Send us the footage. We’ll watch it tonight and let you know tomorrow what we want to do.”
“Okay, let us know if you guys need any time before filming tomorrow,” Andy C said. “And just to let you know, there’s some paps at the gates.”
“Fabulous,” Greg said with a sigh while Alex just nodded his thanks to the others.
Alex just gave the three of them a thankful, tired smile as they left before he turned back to Greg who was already starting to get undressed to change into his civvies. Instead of interrupting, he took his time to study him. It wasn’t that he’d never seen him shirtless before, hell he’d seen him naked this morning, however that had just been a brief glimpse. Now he felt he could take his time to appreciate what was in front of him.
“You’re staring,” Greg told him as he let his shirt fall from his shoulders. Alex caught his eyes in the mirror and noticed that Greg was smiling at him.
Smiling back he stepped towards Greg. “Well… why wouldn’t I?” he asked as he reached out to stroke a gentle finger across Greg’s bare chest. “I just have one question though.”
Greg raised an eyebrow at him, “Which is?”
“Why do you have no body hair?”
Greg rolled his eyes and turned away from him, continuing to change out of his suit while Alex laughed to him. “Dickhead,” Greg muttered, but he sent a fond smile over his shoulder towards him.
“Seriously though, did the doctors ever figure it out?”
“Something to do with a testosterone surge or something when I was a teenager. They think it’s why I’m so tall,” he explained. “Now I’ve apparently run out of testosterone so all my hair is falling out.”
Alex frowned. “That’s one theory.”
“Personally I think it’s bollocks. My Dad was well over six foot tall and I’ve always been fair haired so my body hair hasn’t ever really been noticeable anyway. But I’m not dying so that’s the most important thing,” he added with a shrug as he pulled his civies on. “Are you getting changed or not?”
Alex jumped towards what was now his side of the dressing room to get changed quickly. As he did that, Greg turned his phone back on and looked like he immediately regretted it with all the notifications that came through.
“Everything okay?” Alex asked him.
“Yeah all congratulatory,” Greg told him before snorting a laugh and putting his phone in his pocket. “Rhod just sent about five hundred laughing emojis and one thumbs up.”
Alex smiled. He was yet to really spend any time with Rhod though they had crossed paths a number of times in the past. He enjoyed his humour and he was very much looking forward to this upcoming series to see how he would approach things.
“Hopefully it won’t make things weird with filming,” Alex said as he and Greg started to gather up their belongings to head home.
“If anything he’ll be more relaxed. He’s bonded but he’s always been weird about being overly familiar with someone who’s unbonded… something about not giving them false hope or some other shit,” he explained as they headed down the corridor together. “Anyway now he knows you’re bonded, just brace yourself.”
Alex didn’t get the chance to reply as Greg pushed the exit door open and they immediately started getting shouted at from some paparazzi who were hanging over the perimeter hedges.
“Fuck’s sake,” Greg hissed.
He immediately went into protector mode, wrapped an arm around Alex’s shoulders and pulled him into himself, stopping Alex from both being seen and being able to see what the hell was happening. He just felt himself get rushed towards where Greg’s car was parked before he was unceremoniously shoved inside.
Alex had just managed to right himself when Greg jumped into the driver’s seat next to him.
“What the Hell, Greg?” he asked as Greg tried to reach over to him get his belt. “We haven’t been charged with a crime. We don’t need to hide.”
Greg froze with the seat belt pulled halfway across Alex’s chest. “God you’re right,” he said as he let go of the belt and sat back in his seat. “I think I panicked.”
Alex reached out and took his hand. “It’s alright, but you don’t need to protect me okay. I’m a big boy,” he said, ignoring Greg’s snort of amusement. “Just let them get their pictures. Hopefully they’ll leave us alone if they get what they want.”
Greg sat and contemplated him for a moment before leaning over for the seat belt again. “Okay, he said with a sly smile. “Let’s give them what they want.”
Alex barely had time to brace himself before Greg kissed him. It wasn’t a quick peck on the lips like they’d been sharing over the past twenty-four hours, it was a deep and heated kiss and Alex couldn’t help but wrap his hand around the back of Greg’s head and hold him in place. He wasn’t sure how long the kiss went on for but when Greg finally pulled back he knew he didn’t want it to stop.
“Okay?” Greg asked, his face mere centimetres away from Alex’s own.
“Uh huh,” Alex muttered, “Just thinking.”
Greg gave one of the dirtiest grin’s Alex had ever seen. “Of?”
“That my request we take this slow was a very stupid one.”
“Should we head home then?”
Alex nodded and pulled Greg back in for another quick, dirty kiss before letting him go and finally fastening his own seat belt. “Yeah, let’s go home.”