Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She was always broken, when Azula took a look back.

Her father loved her for it, though. Loved everything she did.

She remembers the first time she firebended. A turtleduck had been running from her as she chased it laughing. She finally was able to scoop it up, after tumbling through some bushes to the stone floor next to the gardens. For a brief moment, she just stared at the creature. It looked up at her, cocking it’s head in curiosity. She felt a warmth spread from her chest, racing through her veins to her head and to her toes and fingers. And she watched this warmth alight her hands, and the beautifully delicate feathers light up with them. Azula stared as the smell of burning flesh filled her nose, and her eyes prickled at the sulfurous stench. A short scream ripped from the creature before it was cut off by the heat reaching its lungs. Azula felt tears rushing up her throat, and she swallowed it down and looked up, hearing a gasp.

Her mother stood before her, a hand over her open mouth, an expression Azula didn't quite understand painting her mother's otherwise beautiful face. Azula held on the turtleduck, and distantly registered the sound of her father coming to scoop her up. "Mommy… what's wrong?" Azula whispered, before Father picked her up and spun her around.

Quickly, Azula dropped the turtleduck (if you could even call it that anymore), and her tears were forgotten as she laughed with her father. "A firebender! My daughter is a firebender!" he shouted, and Azula clapped along with him, unsure of what was going on. A part of her still wondered why Father was so happy while Mother looked so sad.

Mother came up to Azula and Father, and laying a hand on Azula, kissed her forehead, saying "You are your father's daughter, Azula." And with that, she walked away.

Father kissed her forehead, too. "Yes you are, my dear. And I love you for it. Some won’t, but they don’t matter. You'll learn that soon." Carrying her down the hall, he started talking about the various training she would get to start, and how proud he was.

Though she did not know why people would hate her for her likeness to Father, she will learn what face her mother had made. It was one of hate, and disgust, and one she would loathe to see ever again.

———

Luckily, she didn’t have to worry about wondering why people would hate her. If how her mother looked at her wasn’t enough, then going to the Royal Academy put the nail in the coffin. So to speak.

Not that she cared anymore. Father had showed her their superiority in thinking, the family’s righteousness. She no longer felt that pang of worry, or pain, at the disgust written all over her mother’s face, or the fear from her own big brother.

When she went to the academy, she flourished. No one dared to tell her no, to refuse her kind offer of friendship. Girls flocked behind her, and boys kneeled before her. She excelled in her classes, through her skills in retention, strategy, and threats. No teacher would tell her no. As her Father ruled the Fire Kingdom, Azula was Empress of the academy.

Azula also learned the delicious art of fear. Though she wanted for nothing - nothing tangible, that is - she still found great joy in stealing from her peers, making their eyes go wide with terror at her blue flames. Sometimes, she even made them cry.

Of course, some tried to stop her righteous reign over the school. A teacher once reported to her parents about her behavior, and Azula was summoned home. She was sad to leave her friends, Mai and Ty Lee, but was also excited to meet with her Father.

When she arrived to the throne room, Father sat in his chair, whispering to Mother, standing on his right. Azula entered with a nervousness she had not felt since the months she had been at the academy. She now recognized the face her Mother wore.

Fear.

She stood up straight, and then bowed lowly. “Father, Mother, you have summoned me?” At her voice, Father sat up and looked at her. Her mother startled, and a flash of - perhaps guilt - crossed her face. Father gestured for Azula to stand and come closer, to which she obliged.

“Yes, my sweet daughter. Your mother and I were just discussing one of your teachers,” said Father. Azula cocked her head, staying silent. “You see, a teacher has informed us of what he perceives to be… unsavory behavior from you. Talking back to teachers, scaring peers, setting fire to school grounds.” Father paused then, lifting an eyebrow.

Azula thought quickly but carefully of her response. “Well, Father, some of the people at the academy do not listen to their betters. You’ve always taught me to discipline those who dare disrespect our family and crown.” Azula smiled sweetly. She noticed her mother frowning, but her father’s chuckle ripped away her attention.

Father smiled. “Smart. Yes, it is good to remind others of their place. Your teacher will well remember that. He has been severely punished for his insolence.” His smile grew sharper, and Azula’s mind flirted back to when she had smelt burnt flesh through the palace, and a cut off scream. She felt uneasy, and resisted the urge to shift in place.

It seemed her father was not done speaking. “However, it is… irresponsible of you to sully our name. Fear can be a powerful tool. But it is nothing without loyalty, without sure ways to make others stay silent.” Father’s face hardens, and Azula swallowed. It was not often that she was the subject of punishment - Zuko often felt the wrath of Father, leaving her protected from the harsh fire. But Zuko was still at the academy.

And she was here, facing the wrath of the Fire Lord without her brother to hide behind.

Mother looked sad. Pathetic. Sad for Azula’s fate, yet not strong enough to say anything. Azula took a deep breath, then said, “Understood, Father. I will accept my punishment with grace.”

Father smiled, and while it felt warm, his eyes were steel cold. “I know you will, my warrior. Guards?”

Guards Azula had not clocked - stupid, stupid - appeared from the shadows. They forced her to her knees, with one on each side holding her arms. A man with a cloaked head stepped up, with a metal rod in hand. Lightning crackled at the end of it.

“Remember this pain Azula. Ensure I need not teach you again.” Father looked her in the eyes as the man walked around to her back. Azula looked at Mother, for any sign she would stop this. She knew fear, weakness, was shining from her eyes.

Mother looked away.

———

It was not soon after that the family was home, all together. Zuko, of course, avoided her often, spending his days in the garden. Azula ran around the palace with her two friends, causing mischief and misery for the servants.

Though not much time at passed since her punishment, Azula was stronger. She had learned the only one to protect her would be herself. She targeted the weaker help - the elderly, who could not run, and the children, who would not dare tell. Any guilt she felt was burnt out, fueled by the memory of the lighting and the betrayal of her mother. Mother still refused to look at her, at times speaking only to Zuko when both were in the room.

In practicing espionage (though, one may argue, it may be better classified as retaliation), Azula had taken to sneaking around the palace at night. She especially enjoyed listening in to the late night war meetings in the throne room. Her father spoke so forcefully, so confidently. Azula would spend hours listening to him talk, learning how to rule, because she always knew her grandfather’s time would not run for much longer.

It was because of this habit that Azula overheard those fateful orders - to kill Zuko. The words rang in her head, and her mind reeled. Though she pretended to hate her brother, it was only in jest. She didn’t actually want him dead.

She wriggled out of the space she had been listening in - a servant’s passage, dusty from disuse after her grandfather had banned the help from coming this way. She ran down the hall and burst out in a random corridor. She started running to Zuko’s room; to do what, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she had to tell him.

In her fearful pounding down the hall, she was not prepared to stop short, and so slammed into the thick wall of cloth and body standing in front of her as she quickly turned the corner. She fell back, sitting down hard. Looking up, she saw Father standing there, tilting his head down at her.

“And what are you doing, my little spark? You should be in bed by now,” Father said gently. Azula should stay quiet. Father would be so mad if she found out she was spying. Yet. If she said nothing, and tomorrow she woke to find Zuko gone…

She internally panicked, and did not notice Father coming to scoop her up until she was off of the ground, clinging on to him. “Come on, warrior. Tell me what is going through your mind.” Azula felt his voice rumble. Surely he would never kill Zuko.

Whispering, Azula answered, “I had a bad dream that Zuko was dead. I wanted to check on him.” She was running the opposite direction of her room, but hoped he didn’t notice (or, more likely, didn’t know. He had not visited her room in years). Father squeezed her tight, tight enough that her young ribs creaked.

“Look at me, Daughter. Look into my eyes,” Father said, and Azula looked up. His eyes were warm, like the fire of war. He looked deeply serious, and said, “Zuko is okay. He is not dead, and no harm will come to him as long as he is my son. Trust me, Daughter.” Azula peered into him. She could not imagine a world where she could do anything but trust him.

“Ok,” she whispered. “I believe you. I trust you.” Her panic from earlier subsided. No matter what, she knew that Father would figure out a way for Zuko to live. She knew it.

Father smiled. “Good,” he said, putting her down gently, “now run along to bed. You must sleep for training tomorrow.”

Azula nodded. She turned around, and ambled back to her room, taking the long way so that Father would not know her lie. Everything would be fine.

When she woke in the morning, she felt a distinct difference in the air. Azula left her room, noting the chaotic silence of the palace. She wandered the halls, not finding anyone. No family, friends, no servants. She eventually decided to go to the gardens, hoping to find her big brother, alive and well.

She did. He was sat on the edge of the pool, and seemed to be crying. Azula frowned. He was alive; what was there to cry about? She walked up and flicked him in the side of the head, adding some sparks. “Hey, Zuzu. Why are you crying?”

Zuko looked up at her, his cheeks stained with tears. Azula thought back on this moment with nothing but disgust. But the Azula experiencing it felt fear, worry, pity. Zuko, through watery words, managed to say, “Grandfather is dead. Mother is gone. Father will be Fire Lord.”

Azula reeled back. Through all her emotions, thoughts, concerns, joys, one thought dominated it all.

Mother abandoned us. She abandoned me. Rage flowed through her body, infused her thoughts, consumed her heart, obliterated her brain. Azula, for the first time, felt true hatred course through her veins. She welcomed it in, and let it make a home.

Chapter Text

Her next reign, naturally, was over the palace of the Fire Kingdom. The Fire Kingdom itself would have to wait for her Father to eventually step down, or die, or hand over the throne to her. Whichever was first. Zuko did not have the makings of the next Fire Lord, evident by his days at the turtleduck pond and reading in the library. He did not have the spark, the heat, needed to rule the Kingdom with the iron fist it needed. The anger and conviction to spread Agni's greatness over the rest of the nations. Not like Azula did.

To practice her inevitable rule, Azula directed her drive to the palace. At eleven, she had decided (with Father's guidance, of course) to continue her studies at the palace. With Mother having left - gone missing, the advisors say - it was must too dangerous to be outside the walls with her training being so behind. She could barely summon lightning, and her flames were still a weak orange.

Thus, permanent residence at the palace. Azula was able to bring some companions with her, them visiting almost every day to study and torment the halls with her. Ty Lee would bound off the walls, feet barely touching the ground. At Azula's behest, any unlucky servants carrying trays of food, plates, or any large pile would be struck in the way she was expert at, to make them crumple under their weight and their own body's betrayal. Occasionally, Ty Lee would do it without prompting for her own entertainment, which would always make Azula collapse to the floor in delighted laughter.

If Ty Lee was Azula's dangerous jester, Mai was her foreboding right hand. With a nod of Azula's head, Mai would attack any servant too unimportant for Azula to discipline herself. Mai's quick jabs and near-dead eyes soon left everyone in fear of not only Azula's rage, but Mai's apathy.

The only drawback Azula could find was Mai's interest in her older brother, Zuko. After one too many times seeing Mai gaze his way, she employed Mai to push Zuko in the pond, throw him off a roof, watch her burn his hair. Soon, Mai and Zuko seemed indifferent to each other. Unfortunate, seeing how much joy it brought Azula to torture Mai with him, but better in the long run. It would be far too complicated for the two of them to indulge in the weakness of dating.

In general, Azula lived in paradise. She terrorized the palace into respect, could annoy her brother without Mother's disappointment, and her improvements in training pleased Father so much, he smiled almost every day at her. So when Azula heard of her brother's dishonor, she did not expect it to tilt her world in such disarray.

Father did not tell her of. No, she suspected that he would have had her never know of it, if only to protect her from the shame of such knowledge. Instead, she heard it from whispers in the hall. As she strode down a hallway, heading to the kitchens for a nice snack, she heard it in her peripheral, "- and the Agni Kai is tomorrow. His own son-!"

Azula whirled around. An Agni Kai was nothing to sneeze at. They were not particularly rare, with Father and his generals' love for them, but still, a fuss was always made around the palace, and she would always hear of it. How could these lowly servants know before her, the exalted Princess of the Fire Kingdom?! Azula found the servant, and roughly pushed her against the wall, letting her hands heat up. While the servant seemed older, Father's training involved as much in physical strength as it did in bending strength.

"What Agni Kai. Who is fighting it? Tell me now, or I will burn your face off!" snarled Azula, looking the servant in her eyes. Although Azula was shorter, she always found a way to tower over her victims.

The servant squeaked in surprise, then whimpered in fear. Good. The servant stammered, "Um, the Agni Kai tomorrow, High Princess. Between. Um…" the servant trailed off, looking around for help from her fellow gossip, who had run off.

"Spit it out!"

A deep breath, and then, with eyes squeezed shut, a whisper: "Between the Fire Lord and his son, Princess. Prince Zuko was apparently … apparently was dishonorable, your Highness."

Azula froze, and blinked. Then she slapped the servant so hard that she went sprawling to the ground. She spat, saying, "Don't you ever dare speak so traitorously of the Royal Family again. Do you understand?!" the servant, tears streaming, nodded still on the ground. "Go back to work. Do something more useful than hiding in the shadows gossiping, you absolute cockroach." Azula spun back around and stomped down the hall, her mind reeling. The only way to verify the truth of it would be to ask one of the two. And if it was true, Father would be so angry. Azula felt a shiver of fear down her spine, then shook it off. Father would never hurt her.

Still….

Azula turned down the hall, and sprinted to her destination. She listened outside the door, and heard confirmation that he was in there. Throwing aside politeness, Azula swung open the door. "Is it true?"

She knew right away it was. Zuko was on his bed, crying. She was reminded, briefly, of the day after Mother disappeared. It was the last time she had ever seen him this upset. And while she gladly had made him cry in the past, she was suddenly very glad she had never made him this sad before. He nodded.

Timid for the first time in a long time, Azula stepped into his room. She walked over to where he was on the bed, and sat down. "Was it bad?"

He looked up. Sniffling, he said, "Yes. I questioned a war strategy." Azula winced. She knew that Zuko had been trying to get in on the war meetings, and she knew how fiercely Father felt about the war. Questioning any part of it was something even Azula never dared to do. Not that she had any complaints, but still.

Zuko smiled slightly. "I think I could take him, though. I'm strong," he said. Azula looked at him aghast. Take on Father? Perhaps her brother had finally gone mad.

She put a hand on his shoulder. They sat together for a while, thinking about the next day. After what felt like an appropriate amount of time, Azula got up and left the room.

Still thinking, she wandered the halls, not really paying attention to where her feet were leading her. That was, of course, until she bumped into a guard. Peering around him, she saw that she had made her way to Father's chambers. A thought entered her head.

Again, Azula burst into the room, although with less timidness and more determination. Father turned around in a start, and then smiled at her, though his eyebrows were creased. "Daughter, dearest, not now." Azula could see advisors and generals in the room with him. That did not deter her, though.

"Do you have to fight Zuko, Father?" asked Azula. Father's mind was rarely changed, but maybe she could do it. "I mean, he definitely needs to be punished, but maybe-"

"Azula," interrupted Father, "your brother dishonored a general, dishonored the Fire Kingdom, dishonored me. That means the upmost punishment." His eyes seemed kind. Just. Fair. But-

"But, Father-"

"Azula." Father's faced turned stone, and she knew it was a step too far. "Do not argue with me. You know the consequence." Lightning crackled in the air. Azula swallowed, and lowered her eyes. "Go to your rooms. I do not wish to see you until the Agni Kai tomorrow."

A moment of silence. And then, "Yes Father. Apologies, Father." Trembling (not that she would ever admit it) Azula returned to her rooms, trying valiantly to ignore the guards tailing her.

---

He did not know. Azula knew the minute that Father appeared, that Zuko did not know it would be Him. And despite everything: her fear, anxiety, disgust. Despite it all, she laughed.

Because really, how could Zuko be so foolish?

---

The servants whisper of her joy at the Agni Kai, at her refusal to see him before he is gone forever. Azula turns her nose up at the whispers, and bats down any who get too loud.

---

In the middle of the night, Azula glares down the guards until they let her in. She slips through the doors, not letting the sea get to her legs. Creeping through the ship, she gets to the room she knows he is in. With a deep breath, the door creaks open.

A gasp. She looks away immediately, but the image is seared. The bandage, soaked with blood, pus, infection. His ear gone, his face screwed up in pain, even in sleep. His body curled in the fetal position, like he died at the Agni Kai and this is his corpse in rigor mortis.

But she must not be so weak. Opening her eyes, she stares at Zuko, memorizing him. For all she knows, she will never see him again. Like Lu Ten. Like Mother. Glancing around to make sure no one is coming to see her, she moves further in, placing her hand on his shoulder. They stay there, like that, until Azula thinks she hears turtleducks outside the ship. Strange, as they tend not to float on open waters.

Azula gives herself a shake, a final look at Zuko - because she is weak, after all - and leaves the ship with dire threats to keep the guards silent.

She returns to her bed, staring the ceiling.

At least now, her way to the throne is clear. She will just have to reimagine who is beside her.