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Dazai admires Chuuya from a distance as everything was decimated in sight. Dazai always found him fascinating. Or well Corruption, at least that’s what he tells himself. Something about it was truly alluring. Something never fails to captivate him every time he has the fortune to witness.
But as of late, Chuuya has given Dazai an uncomfortable, relentless feeling in his gut. A feeling he couldn’t put a name on.
No one in the Port Mafia trusts Dazai to the extent Chuuya does. Despite their constant bickering and proclaimed hatred for each other, they had an unconditional, unspoken trust for each other. A sense of care for the other that they don’t want to outright admit. That was a part of the admiration Dazai has when Chuuya uses Corruption in dire situations. He puts his life on the line and fully trusts Dazai to be there for him. And that trust isn’t abused.
Chuuya had passed out after Dazai nullified Corruption once again. The place was in ruins, as bloodshed shattered the rooftop. The aftermath of the massacre and silence surrounded them. Dazai allows him to rest on his lap, gently brushing the strands of hair out of his face. Pulling out a handkerchief to gently wipe away the blood near his mouth. He silently cherished this scene of Chuuya, peacefully sleeping on his lap.
Shit that feeling again.
It felt like something was tugging at his heart, ruthlessly. A feeling he seems to only get when he’s with Chuuya. Of course that loud, barking dog was a pain to be around, but he’s more tolerable when he’s quiet like this. He complained to Oda about it, but every answer seemed implausible.
“What if you’re simply in love with him?” Oda suggests.
Dazai’s face sours at the memory. He can’t imagine loving a slug like that. Matter of fact, he can’t imagine loving anyone at all. Maybe he’s been hexed.
That must be it.
Dazai ponders as he mindlessly combs his hand through Chuuya’s hair. He has done it many times before whenever Chuuya passed out on his lap. Sometimes even attempting to braid it, but he always ends up creating a tangled mess for the slug to sort out. Although, the boy under him never complained.
Eventually, Dazai slips his hand under the nape of Chuuya’s neck and slides his legs out. His other hand wraps under Chuuya’s knees and stands up. Dazai walked down flights of stairs, his arms growing tired, and he let out a sigh as he reached the alleyway.
Chuuya has definitely gotten heavier. Thankfully.
He stood there waiting for the car that was sent for them. The streetlights and bright led lights emit a soft, colorful glow on Chuuya’s resting face. Dazai allows himself to take short-lived glances at him while simultaneously looking at the street for the car. He has to stay alert, of course.
The car shortly comes and Dazai sets Chuuya in the backseat, then settles on the other side. As he climbs into his respective side, he notices Chuuya reaching out for something. And as he predicts, the other boy clings into his arm.
That painful feeling again.
Dazai sighs, becoming more annoyed by the clingy boy underneath him. Yet he couldn’t take his eyes off of him. He notices how his chest rises as he peacefully sleeps, the way his hair falls in front of his face and before he could stop himself, Dazai had tucked the strands behind Chuuya’s ear. He looked so calm and content, a complete 180 from his usual self. Dazai notices some debris on his cheek and goes to rub it off.
Huh. Chuuya’s face was surprisingly softer than usual.
Dazai has always poked Chuuya in the face to annoy him but something about this felt different. That feeling only intensified when Chuuya nuzzled into his hand. Dazai should be grossed out, use this as blackmail, but he couldn’t. Chuuya deserves it, he did put his life on the line after all. He’ll just allow this once, just for tonight. He silently admired the boy clinging onto him, his body heating up while Chuuya contently rested on him. He felt oddly comfortable about this physical
Intimacy?
With the boy he proclaims that he hated? Chuuya Nakahara out all people?
Yet, something about this moment felt right.
If Chuuya was awake would he feel the same way?
Dazai managed to pick the lock on Chuuya’s apartment. He broke in often, stealing his partner’s canned crab when he was too lazy to go out and buy his own. Sometimes treating himself to Chuuya’s wine collection, but they all tasted nasty to him. He wonders why that boy doesn’t simply give him the spare key at this point. It’d be easier after Corruption (and for him to break in). As he sets him down on the couch, he hears Chuuya muttering.
“I’m gonna kill you, Dazai…I’ll..” his voice getting quieter and quieter as he shifted on the couch.
“What a violent dog...” Dazai mutters.
He’s even cursing me in his sleep.
Wait.
He thinks about me, in his sleep?
Dazai’s body heats up and there’s a painful tug at his heart at this idiotic thought. He mustn’t feed into something this foolish.
He takes off his coat and places it on the coat hanger. He rummages through Chuuya’s fridge. Giving up as he found nothing he could reheat. He looked through Chuuya’s pantry and found some packets of ramen. Dazai pulled out a pot, poured some water in, and turned on the stove. He plops in the packets of seasoning, noodles, and 2 eggs. He places a lid over the pot and grabs a clean rag. He grabs a small bowl, filling it with lukewarm water, and strolls over to Chuuya. He places the rag and bowl of water on the table. He kneels in front of the couch. He gently nudged Chuuya.
“Slug, wake up. I need to clean you up.”
“…”
“Chuuya, wake up. Jeez, what a horrible guard dog.”
“Fuck off, shitty Dazai,” Chuuya groaned groggily.
Dazai hummed as he dabbed the cloth in the warm water.
“Sit up.”
Chuuya mutters some curses as he struggles to sit upright, cursing even more as Dazai helps him sit up. He starts wiping his face with the rag. His strangely gentle and deliberate motions confused Chuuya a bit. He has helped Chuuya clean up after Corruption before, but Dazai has always treated it more like a chore. He moves the hair away from Chuuya’s neck to wipe dirt and blood off of him.
“Are you aching anywhere?”
Chuuya blankly stared at him. He’s never really asked it before in their post-Corruption care routine. Maybe something’s changed.
“…My back.”
“Can I take a peek?”
Chuuya sighs and nods as he flips to his right. He takes his coat off, setting it in his lap. Dazai climbs on the couch, Chuuya’s back facing him. He lift up Chuuya’s dress shirt and winces as he sees the massive bruise on his back.
“Jeez, Slug. Don’t push yourself so hard. Let me get an ice pack.”
Chuuya rolled his eyes at the comment. Dazai puts the shirt down and gets off the couch. He strolls over to the kitchen and turns off the stove.
“Y’know Chuuya, you should buy more food.” Dazai rummages through the freezer, trying to find a large enough bag.
“Why? So you can break in and steal all of it? Greedy bastard. Besides, I don’t need you tell me what to do.”
Dazai chuckled lightly, “Just looking out for you, slug. I’m your partner after all, don’t need you dying on me.”
“Tch, when I’m an executive, best believe I’m never working with your ass ever again.”
“What an ungrateful dog,” Dazai whined, strolling over with an ice pack in hand, “here.”
Chuuya reluctantly took the ice pack.
“Can’t you get some gauze and tape it onto me?”
Dazai stared at him blankly.
“Oh right, you can’t use your ability.”
Chuuya glares at him annoyed, as Dazai searches for gauze in the cabinet.
Eventually, Dazai helped Chuuya change his shirt and taped the ice pack onto his back. Dazai sets the pot of ramen on the table, with a bowl and set of chopsticks on their respective sides. He sits down on the floor in front of the couch. He goes to pour Chuuya’s portion out for him, but struggles as the water has evaporated, turning the noodles into a big ball of starch. After much force, Dazai hands the bowl to him. They silently ate the ramen. After a few minutes, Chuuya breaks the silence.
“This is dry as shit.”
“Chuuya’s lucky I spent my precious time making him food.”
“It’s literally ramen, how the hell did you mess this up?”
“I was too busy cleaning you, you dirty dog.”
“I could do that shit myself!”
“But you didn’t,” Dazai retorts.
Chuuya grumbles as he chews the food.
“I’m bored, do you have anything on your TV?”
“Hm? Probably.” Chuuya grabs the remote and before Chuuya could hand it to him Dazai had plopped on the couch next to him. “Ew, Dazai you fucking reek!”
“Chuuya smells like a wet dog.”
“Shut the fuck up, you smell like death.”
Dazai was uncomfortably close to him, that fucker does reek. Chuuya sets his food on the coffee table by the couch, and shifts his attention to Dazai.
“When’s the last time you showered? I think my appetite’s dead thanks to your smelly ass.”
“You should really eat, you’re never gonna grow, little puppy. Besides, I was in battle with you, remember?”
“Your ass barely fought!”
“Ugh, Chuuya’s always barking. Bad dogs don’t get treats yknow.”
Dazai flips through the channels mindlessly while Chuuya erratically curses him out. And then he lands on a dating show.
Dating. People go through lengths like that just to find the right person? What a waste of time.
Although the idea of a double suicide has crossed his mind, someone who’s willing to give up their life and die with him was strangely romantic. Someone who he saw as an equal. Maybe he’ll find that perfect one day. He is 17 after all. But hopefully he doesn’t have to wait too long.
The episode plays out as Dazai gets lost in thought. Only snapping out of it when he felt Chuuya nudged him.
“You’re seriously into this? Have those bandages consumed your mind?”
Dazai glances at the TV to see two people making out.
“…have you ever kissed anyone before, Chuuya?”
“Huh?”
Dazai shifts his attention towards Chuuya. Slightly taken aback by how close they were. Chuuya silently stared at him, a puzzled expression on his face.
“Why are you even asking?”
“Just curious…”
Dazai’s tone was genuine. That bastard always had something up his sleeve, but Chuuya’s too tired to argue again.
“I haven’t.”
Dazai looked at him surprised.
Someone like Chuuya has never kissed before? It would probably feel like an honor to be deemed Chuuya’s first kiss—
What?
That strange feeling came back.
“Hello? Earth to the fish? What’s up with you?” Chuuya waved in front of his face.
“Um, nothing. Just a little surprised.”
“Surprised, huh? Well, have you?”
“Have I what?”
“Gotten your first kiss?”
“…No.”
Chuuya looked at him a little dumbfounded and bursted out laughing.
“Hey! What’s so funny?”
Dazai’s face heats up as Chuuya’s laughter fills the room. Chuuya was saying something but Dazai tuned it out. Something about it was kind of adorable to him. Seeing Chuuya’s face beaming and smiling floods Dazai’s mind.
I wonder how his lips feel.
The feeling grew stronger.
Chuuya eventually stops poking fun at him.
“I gotta say I’m surprised someone like you hasn’t even kissed yet.”
“Well I want to have the perfect first kiss,” Dazai pauses,"y'know Chuuya, I have an idea.”
Dazai turns off the TV and shifts closer to Chuuya.
“What is it now, asshole?”
“We should practice!” Dazai’s eyes gleamed, and that shit ending grin plastered his face.
“Practice? Gross! Why the hell would I ever kiss you?!” Chuuya shifted to move away from him.
“Imagineeee, Chuuya finds the perfect girl who’s willing to devote her life to you but then you give her a horrible kiss! Your love life will be over just like that,” Dazai snaps his fingers for theatrics, “imagine the horrors.”
Chuuya pauses. Something about “the demon prodigy” practically begging him for a kiss was rather hilarious. But there was a hopeful gleam in Dazai’s eyes. It was different from how he usually was. There was something vulnerable about it. Chuuya wonders if he can push him a little bit more.
“Why should I listen to you?”
“Um, because I know more about romance than Chuuya’s hat-rotted brain does, duh!”
“Right right.”
Chuuya pulls the ice pack that was slowly melting off of his back, setting it on the table in front of them. He turns back to face Dazai, who’s clearly waiting in anticipation. There was an innocent curiosity in his eyes that Chuuya had never seen before. Dazai’s serious about this. Chuuya softly chuckles.
“What’s so funny, Chuuya?”
“Nothing nothing, just…you look so serious.”
“I’m simply looking out for Chuuya’s love li-“
Before he could finish, Chuuya had interlocked their lips. It felt warm, washing over the tugging pain at his heart. Dazai attempts to kiss him back but ends up smashing their noses together, causing both of them to pull away.
“Dammit, Dazai,” Chuuya groaned as he rubbed his nose, “aren’t you supposed to do it slowly?”
Dazai doesn’t answer, he only moves closer to Chuuya and cups his cheek.
Chuuya has a lot of freckles.
He doesn’t even register how much his body is heating up as Chuuya’s hand travels up to the back of his neck.
“Can…we kiss again?”
“Tilt your head a bit, Osamu…”
Dazai tilts his head to the side slightly, “like this?”
“Yeah…”
Chuuya connects their lips again, for a brief moment before pulling away. He glanced at the boy underneath him, a puzzled look plastered his face.
“Osamu.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re supposed to close your eyes.”
“Oh! Right…sorry.”
After a few, brief kisses, Chuuya looked at him annoyed.
“You’re still not closing your eyes. You don’t even kiss me back.”
“Chuuya pulls away too quickly…” he whined.
“Fine, bastard. You take the lead then.”
“Yeah and I’ll do way better than you.”
Dazai leans in and gently brushes his lips against Chuuya’s before quickly pulling away.
They both paused.
“What the hell was that?”
“A kiss, slug.”
“No the hell it wasn't! And you said you’re better? What a joke.”
Dazai avoids Chuuya’s gaze and creates some distance between them. He felt embarrassed, now fidgeting with his hands.
“…I” He hesitates, “I just wanted to know how it would feel to kiss Chuuya.”
Dazai quickly covered his mouth. Fuck.
Did I really let it slip out? I’m never gonna hear the end of this. I’d rather go through purgatory than be humiliated like this. How does a slimy slug like Chuuya Nakahara affect me so much?
He was so lost in thought, he didn’t register how close Chuuya’s face was to his. Chuuya’s face was flushed? His eyes were gentle, and he wore a kind smile on him as he leaned in.
“Close your eyes, Osamu.”
Dazai hesitated for a moment before shutting his eyes. He felt Chuuya’s lips on his, once again. However, it wasn’t a quick, simple peck like the previous kisses. It was a genuine kiss. He didn’t even realize how much he was trembling until Chuuya had tenderly interlocked their hands. Chuuya’s other hand went up to caress Dazai’s cheek. His touch was so soothing; that warm, fuzzy feeling washed Dazai’s relentless thoughts. Mini fireworks exploded in his head, the stars were simply bursting and what was left in his mind was something far more beautiful than a supernova. It was Chuuya Nakahara.
The only thing he cared about now was Chuuya. He was finally able to let all of his walls down, it didn’t feel like he was at someone’s mercy, that if he made one wrong move it would be used against him. Instead it felt like their souls danced in sync and entangled into one.
Chuuya eventually pulls away, staring back at him was a starstruck boy who’s face was only getting redder and redder.
“How’s that?”
The kiss was simply perfect.
The way Chuuya kissed him and held him, even if it was for a few seconds, made him feel cherished. Like he was a precious, valuable treasure. Like he was the only thing left on this disgusting world. Like he is pure amongst the mass horrors of mankind.
“…Again.”
Chuuya sighs but smiles as he connects their lips again. That feeling Dazai had become slowly gotten used to came back. It felt wonderful, the way Chuuya’s soft lips contrasted his chapped ones. He hadn’t known true warmth until this moment they shared together. They slowly transitioned from giving kisses to each other to attempting to make out. Their tongues intermingling, soft moans and unspoken desires for each other filled the room. Chuuya rubbed his chest and tugged at his shirt. His other hand starts slowly caressing Dazai’s face.
Dazai pulls away. He was slowly panting, but his break was short lived as Chuuya closed the distance between them again. It was rougher this time, a passionate, fiery kiss. He simply couldn’t keep up with Chuuya’s spark of energy. His trembling hands found their way around Chuuya’s waist. Chuuya pulls away this time.
“You okay? You’re trembling,” Chuuya looked at him, concerned.
“I’m okay.. just nervous.”
“As long as you’re okay.”
They go back to making out, slower this time, with Chuuya’s arms wrapped around Dazai’s neck. His trembling has stopped. The slow intimacy, how Chuuya connects to his soul, and how close they were. Dazai has never felt so calm. He always thought people kissed out of lust, but this doesn’t feel like lust. It felt like
Love.
What?
Dazai shiftly pulls away.
Love? Was he in love? With…
“What’s wrong, Osamu?” Chuuya’s arms were still his neck, making it difficult for him to fully pull away.
“Chuuya,” he hesitated, “I think… someone hexed me.”
“What?”
“Yeah! When I’m with you, my heart starts hurting. But,” he pauses, “when you kiss me, it goes away.”
Chuuya softly chuckles at his admission. Before leaning in and whispering, “I feel the same way, Osamu.”
Dazai blushed even harder.
“You got hexed, too?” He nervously asks.
“Something like that,” Chuuya said softly.
“Can we continue practicing?”
“Yeah. We can.”
Being in Chuuya’s embrace felt so right. It felt as their old partnership has finally died, and what’s left in its place was something far more extraordinary. Like a nebula. They fit together like two puzzle pieces on the couch. This was how they always should’ve been.
Chuuya was on top of Dazai, peppering kisses on his neck. Dazai combs his fingers through his hair, sometimes chuckling from the ticklish feeling. His other hand was around the other boy’s waist, gently rubbing his lower back. Chuuya then nuzzles his face into the crook of Dazai’s neck.
“I’m tired…”
“Me too,” Dazai yawns and kisses Chuuya’s ear.
Chuuya hums against his neck, “Do you still get that feeling when you’re with me?”
“Not right now…”
“But I’m not kissing you. Not on the lips at least.”
“Maybe it’s because I have a lap dog on me right now.”
“What? You like being around me? Sounds like you’re the dog.”
“As if!”
“Guess I should get off-“
“No, Chuuya. Stay. Don’t leave,” His voice slowly got quieter and quieter.
“I won’t,” Chuuya adjusted himself, to where he’s making eye contact with Dazai.
“Hey, ‘Samu…”
“Yeah?”
Dazai nervously stares at the boy on top of him. Chuuya hesitantly looked around before slowly resting his face in the crook of the other boy’s neck once again.
“I love you, Osamu,” Chuuya whispers, his voice a bit shaky.
Dazai pulls Chuuya into a tight hug.
“I love you too, Chuuya,” he whispers back.
With that, they fell asleep, cuddling. Not knowing that a year from now, Dazai would be the one leaving him.