Work Text:
It wasn’t the worst night shift Arthur had ever worked but somehow it was the most exhausting. He’d barely stopped from the moment he got in and the ward was so full. He didn’t manage to have so much as a drink of water until four hours in and he’d only had ten minutes to hastily microwave and gulp down his leftover spaghetti bolognese in the way of a break.
Arthur loved nursing but it was killing him lately. He knew he’d be off nights soon but there was another week to go and the thought of it weighed on him as he dozed on the night bus home.
Once he reached the flat, he only just mustered enough energy to half-heartedly brush his teeth and shuck his clothes off. Then he crawled in bed next to Merlin, mumbled a greeting, and fell deeply asleep.
He awoke two hours later with Merlin sat up in bed, staring at him. It was still dark outside and therefore far too early to be up and he swatted at Merlin.
“Go back to sleep.”
“Arthur. What are you doing?”
Arthur scrunched his eyes up.
“Sleeping. You sleep too. Shush now.”
“Arthur,” Merlin said again, in a strange blank tone. “You’re in my bed.”
“Our bed,” Arthur said, barely managing to get the words out. “Seriously, shush Merlin. Go back to sleep. I love you.”
Then Arthur turned over and promptly nodded off again.
It was two in the afternoon when he woke the second time. He stretched luxuriously, feeling more rested than he had in quite a while. It was rare he got a full eight hours sleep and he’d really needed it. He reached out for the water bottle he kept on the side of his bed and his hand brushed against nothing.
Arthur reached further but all his fingers met was something soft. He grabbed it and pulled a small white dragon plushie onto the bed.
Aithusa. Why was Merlin’s soft toy in his room? Where was his water? Why was the bedspread covered in polka dots instead of his usual navy or black?
Arthur shot up in bed like he’d been electrocuted.
He was in Merlin’s bed.
Oh God. He tried to remember what had happened last night – well, this morning – and could only recall stumbling off the night bus. Into the flat, brushing his teeth, stripping down… oh God, he was only in his boxers, he realised in horror. Then he’d fallen into bed, the bed he was used to falling into for the past two years, because it was slightly bigger than Arthur’s and the mattress was softer and it had just become a routine somehow and –
And all that had ended a month ago, when they’d broken up. They’d been sleeping in separate beds, in separate rooms, until the lease ended and they could go their separate ways.
Clearly Arthur had to flee. Maybe Merlin had already gone to work and he could just sneak out and they could both pretend it had never happened. But just as he was wondering where he’d dropped his clothes, the door opened and Merlin came in.
So Merlin was on the late shift at the bar. Great.
“Sleep well?” Merlin said and his voice gave nothing away.
“Yes,” Arthur said automatically. “I-”
It was embarrassing to apologise. Especially the way they were with each other now, practically strangers after all that had passed between them. But Arthur couldn’t really see any way around it.
He hated apologising. It was one of the things they used to argue about.
“Sorry for getting in your bed,” he said in a rush. “I was very tired after my shift and I suppose I was on auto-pilot.”
Merlin nodded, not meeting Arthur’s eyes.
“It happens,” he says, which was patently not true, because Arthur had never heard of this happening to anyone they knew and wasn’t he lucky to be an originator?
A long awkward pause followed.
“Well, I’ll just-” Arthur said, making to get up. Then he instantly remembered he was still only in his boxers.
“Oh,” Merlin said. “Yeah, I’ll-.”
He turned to the door and then stopped.
“Do you remember me waking you up?”
Arthur frowned, trying to think.
“Vaguely. I mean, I don’t think it was for long?”
“No,” Merlin agreed and there was a funny look on his face. “But you said-”
He paused and swallowed. Then he shook his head.
“Never mind.”
He turned again and suddenly Arthur’s memory focused.
“I said I love you.”
Merlin froze with his hand on the doorknob. There was another long silence and this time Arthur could feel his heart thumping in his chest.
He was sure Merlin was going to leave but a moment longer and Merlin walked back into the room, sitting on the end of the bed.
“Did you mean it?”
Merlin’s eyes were shining but Arthur knew he wasn’t going to let himself cry.
“Yes,” Arthur said and Merlin bit his lip.
“We don’t work. Together, we don’t… work.”
“I know,” Arthur said.
So many fights. So many things said that couldn’t be taken back. So many little wounds.
They were both tired of it. But Arthur hadn’t slept a full night since he left Merlin’s side.
“I don’t sleep without you,” Arthur said and Merlin raised a half smile.
“No. Me neither.”
Arthur wanted to ask what they could do about it, but he knew the answer. Not everything was made to be fixed.
“Thanks for not kicking me out last night anyway.”
Merlin snorted softly.
“I might have done if you could have stayed conscious for one minute.”
Arthur's hands found Aithusa again, squishing her slightly. Merlin noticed and his eyes went soft.
“I’m on the late tonight,” he said. “Till closing.”
“Me too,” Arthur said, already dreading it.
“If you’re shattered and you get in the wrong bed again… I don’t mind.”
Arthur felt a lump in his throat.
He met Merlin’s gaze and nodded. Then Merlin slipped from the room.
Perhaps they were just delaying the inevitable. Making it harder on themselves.
Or perhaps things could go right again. Who could tell?
Arthur set Aithusa down on Merlin’s pillow and carefully spread her wings out, so it looked like she was flying.