Work Text:
Feyre’s POV:
I’d grown accustomed to Rhysand’s nightmares at this point. That didn’t mean I ever ignored them. I’d always turn over and hold him even if we didn’t speak. After the war with Hyburn we had been so busy trying to ensure a lasting peace that I felt like I hardly ever got a moment alone with him. It was always either sleep or sex and he’d leave the house so early I’d hardly started to crack my eyes open before he’d be walking out the door. I missed him.
He’d just gotten back from a trip to one of the faerie kingdoms on the continent which had apparently been a close ally after the last war. They bordered a large section of human territory and he’d gone to encourage them to keep a close eye on any activity in that area. Thankfully he’d gotten back before dinner so we’d been able to eat together. But he’d been so quiet. I wrote it off as exhaustion from running around. I was tired too. I’d been helping with the rebuilding efforts. It was good work but tiring both emotionally and physically.
We’d gone to bed early and he hadn’t even bathed before crawling into bed. I didn’t push him, though I did bathe myself before crawling in next to him.
I’d been deep asleep when he’d begun tossing his brow tight. I rolled over and grabbed his shoulders to try and hold him and he tossed me off. I tried to brush against those adamant walls and claws lashed out at me. I immediately retreated, throwing my own shields up. Something was seriously wrong. He’d never lashed out like that not even during his worst nightmares. I grabbed both his shoulders firmly before straddling his hips and shaking him.
“Rhys wake up!” I commanded worry flooding my thoughts.
His violet eyes snapped open and he shoved me off hard. I fell off the bed and onto my ass. Before I could even reorient myself he’d pounced on top of me, his talons at my throat.
“How did you get in here?!” He snarled coldly. My heart was racing, my bowels turned watery. He had a cold look in his eyes that I hadn’t seen since under the mountain. The cold cruel mask of the High Lord.
“R-Rhysand?!” I gasped in panic. I still had my mental shields up tight and I added another layer just to be sure. Whatever was going on this wasn’t my Rhysand. I’d never ever been scared of him before. Not even under the mountain when I’d been human. But right now I felt a twinge of fear… and I hated myself for it.
He snarled at me like I was nothing but trash and it hurt. I felt like my chest was caving in and it must have showed on my face because a mocking smirk graced his lips. “What? Did she tell you to expect a perfect pet?” My brows furrowed in confusion but I didn’t dare speak. I had no clue what had come over him and I needed to get a better read on the situation. I’d heard of sleepwalking before. Maybe he was sleepwalking? Could faeries even sleepwalk?
He was looking around the room and his brow furrowed in anger. He snarled back down at me. “What kind of game are you playing?” He demanded coldly.
“G-game?” I managed his talons still at my throat. His weight was heavy on top of me and I was too scared to test if I could break his hold.
He snarled fangs bared. “Don’t play dumb.”
“I’m not, I swear this isn’t a game or trick! Rhys please just take a deep breath. It’s okay, you're safe.” I said gently but panic still laced my tone.
He only laughed in my face cold and cruel. He pushed off of me and stalked to the door. He threw it open so hard the door hit the bedroom wall with a loud thud that made the frame shake. I flinched and stood my feet shoulder width apart, my knees slightly bent. I was ready to run until I remembered Elain was asleep down the hall. I couldn’t leave. I had to figure out what the fuck was wrong with my mate. I tugged on the bond without completely dropping my shields. He’d been scenting the hall but he whipped around to face me.
“What the hell was that?” He snarled low and cold. “What are you doing?! Are you daemati? Is that how you're doing this?!” He demanded his voice rising to a shout so loud my ears flicked down and away from him. Lightning shooting through my head from the loud noise.
“Rhys, you’re safe. We’re in Velaris. The war is over.” I said a bit more firmly. Doing my best to stand my ground. He hadn’t tugged back on the bond. Like he was ignoring it completely.
I saw fear dance across his features when I mentioned Velaris. “What else have you learned?” He said coldly, slowly stalking forward like a mountain cat about to pounce. “How deep have you gone? How far have you been in my head?” His talons glinted in the low light and I fought my instincts telling me to run and stayed standing.
“Rhysand.” I said firmly. My stomach was in knots. My chest was tight with fear and I was sweating through my silk nightgown. “It’s me, Feyre, your mate.” I said mate almost desperately and tugged on the bond again. The golden threads tying us together were still thick and solid. But he looked at me like he had no clue who I was.
He was only five paces from me. His talons still gleamed, his body tight and coiled. I knew he’d strike if I made a mistake. I swallowed thickly and his violet eyes narrowed on me, assessing. His nostrils flared like he was taking in my scent. I prayed to the Mother he’d wake up. That whatever was happening would stop.
“This is sick. Even for her. Did she discover my betrayal?” He said with a dark lethal calm.
Her… Amarantha. He had to be trapped in some nightmare. So horrible he’d woken up thinking he was still under the mountain. It had happened to me before. But normally I’d realize I was safe within a minute or two. As would he. I’d never woken up and not recognized my mate. But he’d suffered so much longer than I had. Fifty years… I hadn’t even been alive that long. I hadn’t even reached the half way mark of the duration of my mate’s torture.
“Rhys” I said softly, showing him my palms, my breathing still shaky. “You're safe. We got out. We’re home. We’re safe.” I slowly lowered my mental shields and brushed against his shield again.
He struck hard and fast. His mental talons dug into my mind and I cried out falling to my knees with a painful crack. I felt him rip into my mind and I tried desperately to push back but I was so tired. I’d been up early yesterday and I’d spent all day helping rebuild. I’d probably only been asleep three hours before he’d woken up in this state. I was in no condition to fight against the endless night that was Rhysand’s power.
He pulled me apart piece by piece looking through my every memory. I watched him hesitate and I felt his hold gentle as he reached further and further seeing the last three years through my eyes. He continued to hold my mind but gently like you would a bird. I was still in pain though. Still crying. But I tried to find comfort in his touch. Trying to catch my breath.
“I don’t know you.” He said finally. His tone was wary and slightly confused.
I blinked away as many of the tears as I could. My head was pounding and I think my nose might have started bleeding. I couldn’t tell with the tears wetting my face. I gasped. “I’m your mate.”
“I know you believe that.” He said sharply. I felt like my heart was slowly being squeezed. I couldn't breathe. He didn’t remember me. He didn’t know me.
“Rhys.” I pleaded. I grabbed onto the bond again. He flinched and let out a low snarl. I didn’t let go though. I needed to anchor myself. I needed to remember that my memories were true. I needed to know that something was wrong with him, not me. That we were mates and he was sick and confused and I needed to help him.
“Please, let me help you.” I said as I again reached for his mind. He continued to hold my mind but he didn’t dig his claws in, not yet. “Rhys.” I pleaded again.
His jaw clenched and he watched me carefully. Like I was a trap. Like I couldn’t possibly be real.
I swallowed thickly as I watched him. My mate. My beautiful mate. I couldn’t lose him like this. Not after everything.
He hesitantly released my mind but kept his own mental shields up tight. I left mine open as I shakily stood and walked to him. He bared his fangs slightly in warning. I slowly and carefully reached for his hands. He kept his fangs bared in warning but allowed me to take them despite his stiff body language.
“I love you.” I said softly looking up at him. He was still looking at me like he had no idea who I was. And it hurt. More than any physical wound.
“I don’t know you.” He repeated.
A choked sob left my throat and I held his hands so tightly my knuckles turned white. I just wanted to fling myself into him even if he didn’t remember me. I wanted to slip into his mind and see what was wrong but I doubted he’d let me. He thought this was all some trick. Some torture from Amarantha. A punishment. I wanted to break down. I didn’t know what to do.
He just watched me cry, his body stiff, his gaze assessing.
I took a few deep breaths trying to calm myself down. I let go of his hands because being so close was too much for me right now. I started to go through the week. He’d been to Winter and Summer. I trusted Kallias and Tarquin. Besides, they definitely didn’t have any daemati strong enough to get to Rhys. Then he’d visited one of the Illyrian camps with Cassian. I wasn’t worried about that either. But today. Today he’d gone to that kingdom on the Continent. Alone. Something must have happened then. That had to be it.
He had been watching me warily while I’d paced at the foot of our bed, my hands in my hair. I looked back at him. I couldn’t see into his mind. So I’d have to use my other senses. I looked at him, really looked at him. He had been so tired he’d fallen into bed with his undergarments still on. A soft sheen of sweat coated his skin. His muscles were still coiled tight in genuine distress. I couldn’t see anything physically wrong. No cuts, no pricks, and no strange markings. I took a deep breath. He even scented normal— no he didn’t. I sniffed again. Under his normal scent was a hint of something earthy. Something almost sharp and acrid. The scent made my nose wrinkle and I felt the urge to hiss in distaste. Like my fae instincts themselves wanted to revolt against the strange scent.
Rhysand noticed my reaction and asked in a gruff wary tone. “What?”
I debated a moment before saying. “I smell something wrong. But I don’t recognize it.”
He looked skeptical and his eyes narrowed but he said nothing.
“I want Azriel to scent you.” I said. Azriel hadn’t been at dinner tonight. He’d warned me this morning that he would be getting in late and would just be sleeping at the House of Wind before heading back to the Human Lands.
Rhysand growled distrustfully.
“Do you remember Azriel?” I asked concern lacing my tone.
“Yes.” Was all he said as he continued to glare at me.
I sighed and mentally reached out for Azriel. He was still awake. He responded almost instantly winnowing in next to me. I’d filled him in on the situation so when he arrived he held up his hands. His wings arched out and down in a relaxed open manner. Rhysand still made a point to snarl at Azriel though like he was some mockery of his actual brother.
“Do you know what it is?” I asked Azriel whose nose was twitching.
“Poison.” Azriel growled.
I felt my stomach drop. “Is… is there an antidote?”
“Yes. I’ll get Madja. The difficult thing will be getting him to let us close enough.” Azriel said as he watched Rhysand’s every move.
“Go get Madja, I'll stay with him.” I said and Azriel melted away again.
Rhysand looked torn between wanting to run and escape what he thought was some mental prison. A vision meant to torture him. Or to stay and let them help.
I pleaded again because it was all I could do. “Please stay Rhys.”
His jaw clenched but his talons slowly receded. I let out a breath of relief but didn’t dare step closer. I didn’t want to push and spook him. We stayed just like that on opposite sides of our bedroom just watching each other.
It wasn’t too long before Azriel was winnowing back with Madja on his arm.
Madja said gently to Rhysand. “High Lord. You’ve been poisoned with aconite. You know what that is right? It causes confusion. This is an antidote.” She offered the pink tinted vial to Rhys. “You are welcome to inspect it before you drink it.”
Rhysand took the vial from Madja. He sniffed the contents, his shoulders still tense. I couldn’t get a good read on his emotions, my own running away with worry. He sighed in resignation and drank the vial. There was no instantaneous change. I don’t know why I expected there to be one.
“Will he be okay?” I asked Madja.
“He should be. But the antidote doesn’t work right away. He should feel better after some sleep.” Madja said.
“And he’ll get his memories back?” I asked my throat tight.
“He should. It might take time though.” Madja said, still watching Rhysand. He was rubbing his head, his brow furrowed. “Some symptoms will include headache and nausea. The best thing we can do is let him sleep. But he needs to be watched. I’ll stay until morning just in case.”
I nodded, thankful for the old female. Azriel stayed with Rhys who had seemed to relax a bit and I set Madja up in my old room. When I walked back into our room he was sitting in the bed, his back against the headboard. Azriel sat at my desk. I could tell he was tired. He’d spent all day in the Human Lands. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder. “You need to sleep. I can watch him.”
Azriel’s sharp gaze flicked between me and Rhysand. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I’ll be okay. Thank you.”
Azriel stood and looked at Rhysand. Rhys looked back at Azriel as if trying to decide if he was really Azriel. “Try to sleep.” Was all Azriel said before winnowing away. I couldn’t help the exhausted sigh that left me.
“Are you really my mate?” Rhysand asked, his voice cracking just slightly.
I looked back at him, my eyes softening. My head was pounding from earlier but I wasn’t mad. No, the only emotion I felt was worry. “Yes. I swear to you I am. I’m not a trick or a punishment. I know you're hurting and you're scared. But I need you to sleep so you can fight this poison. I’ll be right here in this chair.” I sat down at my desk facing the bed so I could watch over him.
He stayed silent watching me in return for several minutes. Then he asked softly. “Can you come lay down with me?” Like he needed me close but couldn’t fully understand why yet. Like he was still locked out of the bond.
I nodded and carefully came to sit next to him in bed. He sighed and closed his eyes, still sitting against the headboard. We stayed like that for a long time. Until he fell asleep sitting up his body exhausted and still trying to flush out the poison.
I watched him for hours all through the night and well into the morning. When Madja came to check in on him one last time before leaving he was still asleep but Madja seemed hopeful. I stayed awake until the afternoon even though Madja had told me hours ago the most dangerous period was over.
When I woke up Rhysand was curled around me holding my face to his chest. He was sobbing his grip on me so tight it was almost painful. My headache was gone and I otherwise felt fine. I gently nuzzled into his neck, pressing my nose to his neck and taking in a deep breath of his scent. The acrid scent was gone and I felt the grip of worry on my heart release slightly.
“I’m sorry.” He said in a choked voice.
Sorry? He remembered. Oh thank the Cauldron! I wrapped my arms around him and pressed even closer. “Shh, it’s okay.”
“I’m sorry.” He sobbed again, his tears soaking my hair.
“I’m okay. I'm okay, I promise. I’m not mad.” I said softly just thankful my mate was okay. I felt his grip on the bond firm and loving and I wanted to sob in relief.
“I love you. I’m sorry.” He gently brushed against my mind and I let him in without hesitation. He kissed my temple and just continued his apologies. I let him. I knew there was nothing I could say to make him feel better. I knew he needed to let it out. So I let him apologize, all the while I stayed pressed against him murmuring sweet nothings and promising that I would never leave. That he was mine and I was his. That it wasn’t his fault. My mate. My beautiful strong mate. He was mine and nothing would ever change that.
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