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Jacob glanced at Ricky, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “I’m.. Sorry.” He mumbled, his voice hoarse.
Ricky just glared at him, refusing to be affected by Jacob’s words. He was pissed. Jacob was always like this, it was an infinite cycle. Jacob would make Ricky pissed, they would argue, and Jacob would just apologize without even talking about it. He was tired of Jacob always apologizing.
“I know you’re fucking sorry, Jacob. You’re always sorry.” Ricky said under his breath, his voice tense and filled with anger
Ricky faced Jacob, refusing to meet his eyes. “So. You have a girlfriend now, Portman? Good for you. You came here to rub it in my face, huh?”
Jacob clenched his jaw, not wanting to get yelled at. “No.. Ricky, it’s- It’s not like that! I didn’t come here to rub it in your face—”
“So what?! You came here to “talk”? To sort out all the times we’ve fooled around? You want to figure everything out? Hah! As if!” Ricky shouted at Jacob, his hands balled up into fists
Jacob just glared at Ricky. He didn’t like it when Ricky brought up the times they “fooled around”. They didn’t fool around. They never did. Jacob was straight.. Right? He was straight. He loved Emma- no, Noor. He loved Noor. Not Emma, and especially not Ricky.
“Ricky.. We never- We never had anything. I know it seemed like we did, but we didn’t. I’m sorry.” Jacob mumbled, fiddling with his hoodie’s sleeves.
Ricky looked at the ground, taking deep breaths. “We never had anything, huh? Is that right, Portman?” Ricky asked, his voice slightly shaky
“This isn’t anything towards you, Ricky.. I just—” Jacob sighed, letting a moment of silence pass between the two of them
Jacob spoke up again, his voice now shaky and his eyes filled with tears
“I wish you were a girl.”
Ricky stared at Jacob, his face was neutral.
“So that’s the problem, huh? That I’m a fucking guy? That’s the damn problem?!” Ricky asked, his voice getting more and more desperate.
“Ricky- Ricky, no- That’s not the problem!” Jacob cut Ricky off, not letting the other boy finish his sentence
“You can go fuck yourself, Portman! Leave me the fuck alone, go home to the bitch you call your girlfriend!” Ricky shouted, shutting Jacob up
“Don’t call her that! You have no right to call her that!” Jacob shouted back, his emotions getting the best of him. “I’m sorry I’m not fucking gay, Ricky! I’m sorry you fell for me, but it wasn’t my fault! I just- I don’t know!”
Ricky shoved Jacob away, his anger clear in his emotions. “Just leave me the fuck alone, Portman. Leave.”
Jacob didn’t have to look at Ricky’s eyes. He knew he messed up. “No-.. No, Ricky.. I’m sorry..” Jacob mumbled again. Always sorry. Always apologizing. Before, it was just a quirky habit of Jacob’s, one Ricky always brushed off.
“Shut it, Portman.” Ricky replied, eyes on the ground, hugging himself as if he was a scared child. His walls were up, and they’ve been the highest they’ve ever been in a long time.
“Its.. It’s not my fault you fell for me.. I’m not like that, Ricky. I admit that we did mess around sometimes.. But.. It was never serious, y’know?” Jacob responded. He didn’t like Ricky like that.. Even- Even if something in him was saying ‘You’re making a huge mistake right now!’
Jacob didn’t like Ricky. He’ll never like boys like that. He wasnt gay- he wasn’t like that. His parents would get mad at him if he was gay.. He loved Emma- Noor. He loved Noor. He didn’t love Ricky. He’d never love Ricky
Jacob just stood up, leaving the room. Leaving Ricky alone. Ricky just grabbed his blanket and wrapped it around himself, going to bed.
Little did the two know, that would be their last interaction in 20 years, and Jacob would always regret the day he shoved Ricky away, just because of his parents. He would forever regret how he broke Ricky’s heart in two.
Ricky would never forget that day either, but it was a sign of happiness for him. If Jacob didn’t leave, he wouldn’t be as happy as he was now. He would forever be in a cycle of love and loss with Jacob, and he couldn’t live like that again. He’d never live like that again.