Chapter Text
saki opened her eyes to the bitter reality, again, this wasnt just a bad dream which she can brush off, she really is here, in this white hospital where not even shadow dares to come, saki has always hated hospitals, even before she was forced to be in one, everyone is always so sad, she could count the times shes seen people smile here on one hand, before she could finish her self pitying monologue, the door to her prison was opened, by non other but her dear brother!
tsukasa always managed to make her smile, or at least made her want to, with his silly plays and sweet tunes
"hey saki!, i got you that doll you really wanted!!" he said as he held a very luxurious looking doll before her, its the kne shes always seen on tv and always talked about!
but before she could even feel the excitement rushing through her veins, before she could even smile back at her caring, a big ball of emptiness clogged her lungs, guilt.
"how did you get the money to buy that?."
she could see the excitement running away from tsukasas face in less than a few seconds, why would she even say something like that? her brother was so happily showing her a thoughtful gift and the only thing she could do is make him feel terrible?
She's suc-"I saved up for it, your amazing brother stopped eating lunch at school just so he could buy this for you!, because I, my dear saki, want to see you smile!"
Saki was speechless, that just made her feel ten times more guilty, he.. He skipped lunch because of her..?
Just so he could buy this stupid piece of wood, God she just wanted for the ground to open up and swallow her whole, before she could get too deep into her thoughts, she realized tsukasa was waiting for an answer, a smile, a laugh, anything, any sign that he didn't let her down, poor thing, having to have a sister like her, she just forced herself to smile, based on tsukasas reaction she didn't do a very good job at that, he also faked a smile, hospitals really do have a gift for making everyone miserable, or maybe it was just saki
"glad-.. Glad you liked it, I uh- better go to school now" he said before leaving her all alone again, this time with a doll, the second tsukasas footsteps weren't heard, saki laid back down on her bed, not even trying to hold back tears, why couldn't she just pretend better? Why is she like this? Why can't her stupid body do anything??
She's such a burden to all the people she loves, she's probably hogging all the attention from tsukasa, her parents are probably drowning in hospital bills, ichika has to take a 3 hour train ride just to visit her, and all her other friends are probably drowning with guilt for not being able to visit her all the time, if she was never born literally everyone will be happier, no one will have to deal with her stupid illness anymore, no one has to take care of her all the time, no one has to cheer her up everyday, at this point, maybe if her body just gave up like her spirit did it'd be better for everyone.