Chapter Text
For the first time since she chose to walk down the aisle in that church, Nan felt a wave of relief as the familiar sight of Tintagel came into view.
Perhaps it was the promise of changing out of her dress, the corset far too tight. Or maybe it was the needed distance from that other unfortunate reality, that of Guy’s apparent marriage.
Nan doubted her prompt return from Conchita’s would be welcomed by her husband, who had likely thought she would linger longer.
If she hadn’t just found the matching ruby earring, hadn’t left Lizzy in the parlour of Conchita’s home, maybe Nan would have been wondering if Theo’s mistress was there right now, sequestered away in a fantasy world where Nan did not exist and Theo could choose his Duchess for himself.
Alas, reality came for them all.
Nan, Theo, Lizzy. . . they were all beholden to the consequences of their actions and those of others, whether planned or unplanned, desirable or undesirable.
To think that only days ago, Nan had been celebrating in New York—their triumph in securing Patti’s divorce, Nell’s admission to being Nan’s birth mother, and Guy’s unwavering support.
But now, as the carriage pulled up the driveway and a footman hustled down the stairs at her appearance, Nan was forced to face the repercussions of her decisions.
Her hand unconsciously smoothed down the fabric of her dress, the corset masking what would become impossible to hide soon.
A baby.
God, it had sounded like such a burden weeks ago when the Dowager Duchess had suggested it, when Theo had all but demanded it, an heir to secure Tintagel’s line of succession for her freedom. Nan’s life, distilled down to one single task as a vessel.
And yet, Nan could not help but love the new life growing within her. Regardless of where Theo and Nan stood right now, this child had been conceived at a brighter time in their relationship.
That was before hidden agendas, half-truths, and miscommunication had severed whatever fragile happiness they had found.
Part of Nan wanted to run away—what was there to salvage after all? Guy was married, Theo was having an affair with Lizzy who had called off her wedding to Hector, Nan’s potential political ally. . . But then she thought of Jinny and Freddy, how her sister had been labeled a criminal for trying to save herself from the abuse of Seadown. . . and Seadown wasn’t even a Duke, nor was Theo abusive. A Duke could maintain a mistress with little concern for his reputation. What chance did Nan have of a peaceful life on the run with the potential heir to Tintagel?
Stepping down from the carriage, Nan took a deep breath and surveyed the castle. The ride had been just long enough for her breathing to temper, for the shock to dissipate, for the situation to become clearer.
This child was what mattered. Securing his or her future was no less vital than fighting for Jinny and Freddy’s freedom had been.
And once again, Theo was the answer.
Nan turned to the butler as she ascended the steps to the house.
“Mr. Gallos, is my husband home?”
The older man nodded. “Indeed, I believe his Grace is in his studio.”
Nan recalled the oddly awkward encounter she had with Theo the last time she had swung by his painting studio. “Can you please ask him to meet me in the library?”
The library was a neutral space, without the intimate connotations of personal chambers or the formality of the drawing room. Nan found the smell of old leather and parchment oddly soothing as she made herself comfortable on a chaise lounge near the window. She did not know how long it would take for Theo to arrive, if he arrived at all.
As she waited, watching the leaves blow in the wind, Nan wondered whether to share that she knew about her husband’s affair with Lizzy Elmsworth. She recognized the unfairness of her anger towards Theo—after all, Nan had agreed with him that their marriage was over and that she did not love him before vanishing off to Italy. She was the one who had suggested separate lives in private. It was no surprise that Theo had found some other woman to share his bed.
But Lizzy? It was Lizzy who Nan had confided in during the difficult months of her marriage. It was Lizzy who had withheld Guy’s letter and then encouraged Nan to irrationally run off to Guy. Lizzy, Nan’s friend and confidant, who wanted the safety and financial security of a good marriage.
But no, this conversation was not about Lizzy.
Nan heard the echo of the front door closing and clutched her hands tighter in her lap, awaiting Theo’s entrance. A frown marred his face when he entered the room, his outfit a touch askew.
“I did not expect you back so soon. Was anything amiss with the ladies?”
“No, no,” Nan demurred casually, though the brief visit had more than sufficiently shattered Nan’s visions for the future. “I am simply exhausted from the journey.”
“Then why did you request my presence?”
How she wished that she could simply retreat to her chambers and sleep for days without a care. But this conversation would not become easier by ignoring it.
“There is something I need to share with you.”
Theo stood just inside the closed door, his face carefully neutral, emotionless. “What is it?”
Nan stared down at where her hands were clutched in her lap. How did one share this information with someone they were barely speaking to?
“I’m with child.”
Silence reigned for an eternity. When Nan finally found the courage to look up, Theo’s face was a mixture of shock and disgust.
“Is it even mine?”
Nan flinched at his tone, her hand fisting tightly in the fabric of her dress. “It can only be yours. Given the timing.”
Theo scoffed, walking past where Nan sat to stand and stare out the window. “How far along?”
“The doctor believes I am nearing four months.”
Her husband remained stoically by the window, his gaze distant. Nan wasn’t sure what else there was to say, whether there was anything else to say at all.
“My mother gets her way once again.” Theo’s words were spoken softly, almost a whisper.
“Are you—” the words caught in Nan’s throat, “displeased?” This pregnancy may not have been what Nan wanted, but she would never begrudge her child’s existence, would never not love the baby growing in her belly regardless of the circumstances. Would Theo feel the same way? Or would he see this child as yet another cage trapping them together?
“I—” Theo cleared his throat. “I am not certain how I should feel.”
Nan stood from the couch, approaching where her husband stood with slow steps. For a moment, she remembered what it had felt like on that beach, when they had first met. The excitement of exploring something new, the joy of meeting someone who just wanted Nan to be herself. Could they recapture some of that innocent happiness for the sake of their child? Theo was a good man, a Duke with the soul of an artist.
“I know this is unexpected, but I had hoped. . .”
“Did you expect me to be overjoyed by this news?” Theo’s tone implied that he was not in fact pleased. “Will you play the emotions of our child the way you continue to play mine? Will you run off to Italy and abandon your family the next time you feel unhappy?”
“No, I would never leave our child!”
“So, it is just me you are comfortably toying with?” Theo turned away from her, striding towards the door.
“I made a mistake!” Nan shrieked, tears blurring her vision without warning. Theo stopped in his tracks but did not turn back to her. “I see that now, I—I’ve been so confused and selfish and focused on saving Jinny that I just—”
“I thought you loved me, Nan, that you wished to marry me for me, not my title.” Theo kept his back to her, his expression hidden from her, but she could hear the hurt in every word. “And then I come to find out that you only cared about my title, that you don’t love me but instead have been gallivanting around with my oldest friend, and now I am supposed to what? Forget all those things so that we can pretend to be a happy family?”
“I. . . please don’t take this child away from me.”
Theo turned back to her abruptly, stepping towards her. “You think so poorly of me that such a thing would cross your mind?”
“It would be well within your rights as a Duke—”
“That’s not who I am, Nan!” He ran a hand through his hair. “I am not the villain in your story. I would give up my title if I could, which I thought you knew. You were the one person who I thought might understand that fact, who might see who I am without the title.”
The despair on Theo’s face struck like a dagger through Nan’s heart.
Nan did know that. Theo wore his title like a jacket he’d rather leave in an old closet but was forced to wear. Those times when they had snuck away from the eyes of society to act like themselves. . . those were the moments that had made Nan develop feelings for Theo, for the man he was without the title. Theo had desperately wanted a wife who chose him, not his title. He had even offered Nan a way out, had given her multiple opportunities to end the engagement, and in the end, she had fulfilled his greatest fear—a wife who chose him for his power.
“I’m sorry—” Nan nearly choked on the words. She did not regret chasing those glimpses of happiness, nor doing her best to save her sister, but she knew that the words still needed to be said. “I don’t know how everything got so messy.”
Rash decisions, incomplete information, and now the consequences would play themselves out.
Theo sighed, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. “I will not abandon our child, nor take him from you. But I need some time to process this. Alone.”
Nan nodded her understanding, swallowing her words when Theo turned to stride to the door. He paused only briefly before speaking over his shoulder.
“I will send for another doctor to attend to you and confirm everything is as it should be. For now, rest. I will return. . . soon.”