Chapter Text
The carriage pulled into the drive at speed and Lizzy Elmsworth climbed out with all the grace one could muster when in a desperate rush.
If Lizzy had hoped to find the Duke himself on the staircase leading to the entrance of the castle--and perhaps if circumstances were different, she might have—she was to be disappointed. As it were, Theo had sequestered himself away in his painting studio every day since Nan had informed him of her pregnancy. It was the Duchess herself who steadily approached Lizzy where she stood at the top of the steps.
Nan inclined her head in greeting, the motion cold. “Lizzy. I did not know you were set to visit.”
Lizzy opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. What was there to say?
The Duchess gestured for Lizzy to follow, leading her silently away from the entrance and towards one of the castle’s many balconies overseeing the water.
“Nan, I’ve been desperate to talk to you ever since—”
Nan turned abruptly towards Lizzy; her face was twisted into a sneer. “Since you encouraged me to go to Italy?”
Lizzy stepped back, “I didn’t encourage—”
“Since you followed my husband to my home?”
Lizzy reached out, trying to grasp Nan’s hand but she pulled away. “Nan, you and Theo were finished. You said that you weren’t coming back.”
“Since you lay with my husband in our bed?”
“I betrayed you. I can’t forgive myself for that. But I need you to understand that I would never have entertained the notion of Theo if I wasn’t certain that you and he were done. Otherwise, I would’ve never allowed myself to love him.”
Nan blanched. “You love him? Does he love you?”
“I think that’s a question for him.”
Nan wasn’t sure she wanted to hear Theo’s answer. “Is my husband in love with you?”
Lizzy looked down, averting her gaze. “He says so.”
Nan stared out at the water, her heart dropping. She hadn’t been in Italy long, and Lizzy had called off her wedding so soon after Nan had returned. . .
Had her husband fallen in love with Lizzy so quickly after her departure? Had Lizzy called off the wedding with Hector because she was in love with Theo? Nan knew that Theo fell hard, fast—Theo had requested Nan’s hand in marriage without knowing her at all—but had it taken no more than a few days for him to forget Nan completely? Had Theo already moved on when Nan had proposed them living separate lives?
“But, Nan,” Lizzy pled, “I will always choose you.”
Nan scoffed at the sentiment. “Lizzy, you made the choice weeks ago, and it wasn’t me. No, you do not get to make any more choices. The next choice is mine.”
“Why? Why don’t I get to make more than one choice? Because you have made a lot of choices this last year, Nan. First you chose Theo. Then Guy. Then Theo, then Guy again. . .”
“I chose to protect my sister.”
“Right. You’ve made the almighty sacrifice to live in the squalor of this castle so you could have the satisfaction of telling yourself and the rest of us every five minutes that you saved your sister. You had slept with Theo’s best friend with your wedding dress hanging in your room! And all the rest of us did was love you and support you and understand you at every turn and choice—”
“Is that all you did? Or did you sleep with my husband while your own wedding dress hung in your room? Does Hector know why you called of your wedding?”
“Theo told me to choose myself—”
“So, you chose yourself by being with a married man who can give you nothing but public scorn and shame? You know, if someone had asked me to pick one person I would trust, someone I knew would never lie to me, I would have said you, Lizzy. That’s the person everyone thinks you are, that’s who I thought you were. But you have misled me at every turn—first by not telling me about Guy’s letter, then by encouraging me to run off to Guy while you slithered into my husband’s bed while you were engaged to another man. I may be no saint, but neither are you.”
Tears were sliding down Lizzy’s face, a flash of fear in her gaze. “What will you do?”
Nan sighed, fatigue draping across her shoulders now that her anger and frustration were fading. “There is not much I can do. I could leak the affair to the press, cause a scandal—”
“You would ruin me!”
“Lizzy, you must have known the risks when you chose to sleep with a married Duke.”
“Nan, please—”
Nan looked out over the water, “Of course, Theo will survive the scandal. Men are congratulated for such actions, while women are scorned. You would have to return to New York with no prospects and no future.”
“Theo will not love you just because I am gone. He will fight for me—”
“I do not need him to love me. Don’t you understand, Lizzy? It was you who always spoke of how marriage is a way of securing one’s future. Love has done me no favours, nor will it save you.” Nan exhaled deeply. “This was supposed to be our story, the story of girls embarking on the next phase of our lives together, of friendships enduring through thick and thin. But look at us?”
Lizzy remained silent, her hands clutched tightly in front of her.
Nan continued, “I have no desire to bring further scandal upon this household. But I must ask you to consider your own future—will being Theo’s dirty secret for however long he maintains his interest make you happy? It was not long ago that he was declaring his unending love for me, and he will never be able to provide you with the future you once desired.”
Nan walked past Lizzy back towards the castle, more than ready to allow the conversation to end there.
“And what about us? You and I?”
She refused to turn around, straightening her spine. “For now, there is no you and I, Lizzy.”