Work Text:
“What the hell are you doing.”
Atsushi made a small noise of surprise in the back of his throat, tilting his head back to peer up at Kyouka, who had just returned to the dorm after an impromptu grocery run. “Uhm. Having an existential crisis.”
Atsushi was currently laying in the middle of the living room, on his back, with his arms and legs spread out like some sort of starfish, if starfish had even a fraction of the emotional range of a young man with crippling anxiety.
Kyouka simply hummed and stepped over him, dropping one of the bags on his stomach and forcing an oomph from Atsushi’s lungs. He sat up and glanced inside the bag curiously. “That’s the stuff you asked me to grab,” Kyouka informed him, and Atsushi felt something small curl in his stomach as his cheeks heated from embarrassment. “Ah,” he replied very intelligently, quickly escaping to the bathroom to put the products away under the sink. When he returned, Kyouka was putting her groceries away, her sleeves pushed up and her headband situated to keep her hair out of her face.
Atsushi hovered awkwardly for a moment, watching as she finished and began preparing to make dinner. She gave him a knowing look after a while, and Atsushi sighed. Retreating to the couch this time, Atsushi draped himself over the armrest and gathered his thoughts. He used to struggle to open up, and still did quite frequently, but Kyouka was different. She was extremely mature for her age, due to the unfortunate circumstance of her upbringing, and she understood a lot more than people gave her credit for. They had stayed up late gossiping quite a few times. Still…
“What’s on your mind?” She finally prompted, her back turned as she began chopping onions. Atsushi groaned and draped an arm over his eyes. “Can I just… talk about something for a sec?” he asked, and Kyouka hummed. “Depends what it is.” Atsushi wanted to die, actually. But alas.
“It’s about… Akutagawa, I guess,” he replied tentatively, half expecting the tired sigh that usually accompanied mentions of the man, but Kyouka just hummed again, perhaps sensing his anxiety. Steeling his resolve, Atsushi continued.
“I haven’t told him I’m trans,” he admitted, and Kyouka turned just enough to give him a disapproving look. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m pretty sure he knows already, I just haven’t… told him outright. It’s not that I have a problem with him knowing, it’s just… I don’t even know. Ugh.” Atsushi flipped himself over, now laying on his stomach with his arms propped on the armrest. “Can I get kind of weird? I’m just- I don’t know what to do and thinking myself in circles isn’t helping anything.”
“Say whatever you need to say,” Kyouka replied, voice monotone as ever, yet Atsushi could tell her intentions by now. She genuinely wanted him to just yap at her.
He watched her drag a saucepan out of the cupboard and scrape the onions into it. “Okay. So. I kind of want to… like, spend the night with him.”
“Gross.”
“Shut up.” Kyouka smirked. “Anyway. I don’t know how to… go about this. Like, I really want to, but I don’t know if either of us are ready for that yet. I mean, I think I am, but what if we do get up to something and I panic? And how do I just say something like that, anyway? ‘Hey, I haven’t let you in my pants because I actually have a vagina, sorry!’ What if it freaks him out? He’s gay, he likes men . I don’t-”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” Kyouka interrupted, turning and pointing a kitchen knife in his direction. “You are a man, first of all. Second of all, not to sound like a bitch or anything, but you’re being kind of irrational. Like you said, he probably already knows. He’s annoyingly perceptive. He was the first one to figure out I was trans, not including Kouyou-sama. And even if he doesn’t, then if he can’t accept the fact after you tell him, then he doesn’t deserve you.” She turned back to her prep, grabbing a spoon and stirring the onions around. “As for the ‘panic’ part, then he should be able to respect that. If you say ‘stop,’ then he should stop. If he doesn’t, stab his ass. And if you won’t, I will.”
Atsushi groaned again. He knew that everything she was saying was true, all of it made perfect sense, and he was being irrational. “I know ,” he said out loud, rolling off of the couch and splaying out on the floor again. “I know. It’s just scary. You know that feeling right before you do something stupid and dangerous? That like, jittery feeling?”
“Adrenaline?” Kyouka supplied dryly, and Atsushi pointed at her.
“Yes. That.” He sighed. “What are you making, by the way? It smells good.”
“American-style stir fry,” she replied. “Rice with soy sauce and vegetables. Which green one do you want in it? I got snap peas and broccoli.”
Atsushi made a face. “Broccoli.”
“Alright.”
Dinner was delicious. It was a little too salty for Atsushi’s palate, but that wasn’t any fault of Kyouka’s. Now, after the table was cleared and the dishes washed, Kyouka had retreated to her room and Atsushi was seated on the couch. He stared at his phone, sitting on the end table, and willed himself to pick it up.
sushi boy <3 [23:07]
-are you awake
bitchface (affectionate) [23:07]
-no
sushi boy <3 [23:08]
-can i call you
Atsushi’s phone began buzzing in his hand, and Akutagawa’s contact screen popped up. He rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. Typical. He picked up the call, and Akutagawa’s very clearly sleepy voice filtered through the speaker.
“Something better be on fire.”
Atsushi snorted. “Do my brain cells count?”
“Hmmph. I suppose. Speak.”
“I’m not a dog,” Atsushi protested, though there wasn’t much heat to it. “Sorry for waking you up.”
“Don’t. You didn’t.”
“Right. Uhm. Anyway.” Atsushi hesitated, listening to the faint rustling of cloth coming from Akutagawa’s end. “I wanted to talk to you about something. I know it’s late, but I wanted to bring it up before I lost motivation.” Akutagawa hummed, and Atsushi took that as permission to continue. “You probably know already, but, uhm. I’m trans.”
Silence. Then,
“Yes, I know,” Akutagawa confirmed. “I figured you would bring it up on your own time.”
“Yeah,” Atsushi mumbled, and he heard Akutagawa sigh.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it,” he said. Some more rustling. “I can assure you, it doesn’t matter to me. Yes, I am a gay man. Yes, I am attracted to other gay men. You are a gay man. That’s all that matters.”
Atsushi felt something twist in his chest, a pleasant one this time. “Pan, actually,” he corrected, trying not to sniffle.
“Semantics.” Atsushi laughed softly. “Go to sleep, weretiger. Should I expect you tomorrow?”
“…Yeah. Good night, Ryuu.”
“Good night.” Akutagawa made a small mwah sound and hung up.
Atsushi stared at his phone again for a moment, slowly set it back down on the table, then tipped over onto his side and squeal-screamed into a pillow.
Work the next day couldn’t go by quick enough. Atsushi rushed through his paperwork, then, not knowing what else to do, decided to go bother Yosano.
He knocked on the door to the infirmary, received a come in! , and pushed the door open. Yosano looked up from her clipboard when he entered and smiled. “Ah, Atsushi,” she said, slipping her glasses off and standing. “Just the man I wanted to see. Come in, come in. Close the door behind you, please.”
Atsushi obliged, albeit a bit warily. Yosano’s typical eerie smile didn’t help.
“You’ve been avoiding your physical again,” she said casually, pulling on a fresh pair of gloves. Atsushi, already situating himself on the exam cot, sighed in resignation. “I know, Yosano-sensei. Sorry.”
“No need to apologize, don’t worry. I get it.” She opened one of the drawers of her filing cabinet and pulled out Atsushi’s folder. “First order of business, are those periods still irregular?”
“Ah, no, actually,” Atsushi admitted. “It’s been pretty regular the last few times. I put it on my phone’s calendar, one sec…” He fished his phone out of his pocket, opened the calendar app, and passed it to Yosano. The woman peered at the screen for a few minutes before handing the device back to him with an approving nod.
“That’s good. That means your body is finally balancing out after all that mistreatment. Now, open your mouth for me…”
They ran through the basics; ophthalmoscope, tongue depressor, usual checkup stuff. A few more awkward questions (Atsushi answered not yet without thinking when she asked if he was sexually active, earning him A Look. He wanted to die.) and Yosano was nodding approvingly once more.
“Alright, kiddo!” She declared, jotting down one last thing in his file and returning it to the drawer. “You’re all set. Need me to tell Kunikida I stole you?” Atsushi shook his head sheepishly. “I finished my work for the day, actually,” he replied, standing and stretching. Yosano raised an eyebrow, an amused smile playing on her lips. “What, do you have a date to make or something?”
Atsushi blushed. “Uhm, yeah, something like that.” Yosano made an oh face, then pretended to zip her mouth closed.
“Do you need-”
“ No, thank you!! ”
When Atsushi arrived back at the dorms with Kyouka, he didn’t stay long. He kicked off his shoes in the genkan and hurried to the bedroom, packing a clean change of casual clothes, a sleeping shirt, and a clean pair of socks and underwear into his messenger bag. He went back into the hallway and spun in a confused circle, running through a jumbled mental checklist.
“Toothbrush,” Kyouka called out helpfully from the kitchen, where she was reheating leftovers from the last night’s dinner, and Atsushi pointed at her. “Thank you!” Spinning around again, he dashed into the bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush. Slipping the cap on, he debated whether he should bring pads or not, then decided it was better safe than sorry and stuffed two of them into the side pouch with his toothbrush. It was only one night, Kyouka gave him a mildly amused look when he came back out to the kitchen and handed him his charger.
“Text me when you get there,” was all she said.
Atsushi gave her a thumbs up as he tugged his shoes back on. “Will do! Make sure you lock the door, text me when you go to bed. Love you!”
“Will do,” she echoed dryly. “Love you too. Have fun.”
Atsushi rapped his knuckles against the heavy door to Akutagawa’s apartment, feeling rather proud of himself for remembering the way without needing to backread their texts. He shifted nervously on his feet while he waited for Akutagawa to open the door. When he did, Atsushi grinned. Akutagawa looked grumpy as ever, but Atsushi had missed his grumpy face. His grumpy, kissable face. And it was rare that Atsushi got to see him wearing casual, around-the-house clothes. He looked cute.
Not that he would ever say that to his face, of course. Probably.
“Come in,” Akutagawa told him, and Atsushi bowed out of habit. He stepped inside and toed off his shoes, feeling something in his chest twist when he realized that Akutagawa had set out a pair of slippers for him. Akutagawa waited for him to slide them on before making a few seconds of direct eye contact, then stepping forward to embrace Atsushi. Atsushi melted into the touch, resting his forehead on the other’s shoulder. Akutagawa was just the tiniest bit taller than him, and it was perfect.
They pulled apart after a minute or so, and Atsushi smiled. “Uhm, where should I put my bag?” he asked, and Akutagawa raised a thin eyebrow at him. “You’re staying the night?” he asked, and Atsushi blushed. “If you’ll have me.” Akutagawa eyed him for a moment before gesturing toward the hallway. “Go toss it on the bed.” Atsushi hesitated, and Akutagawa sighed.
“Would you like me to do it?” Atsushi nodded sheepishly, handing his bag over. Akutagawa took it and disappeared down the hall, returning just moments later without the bag. He raised an eyebrow, noticing Atsushi staring.
“So how was work,” he asked dryly, walking over to the kitchen. “Have you eaten yet?”
Atsushi watched him move, taking a tentative seat at the table. “Work was fine. Had to get my quarterly check-up done, though. And no, I haven’t eaten.”
Akutagawa raised an eyebrow at that, rifling through the fridge. “How did that go?” Atsushi shrugged. “It was fine,” he said again. “Yosano-sensei’s great. Just asked some general questions and all that. Said I’m a lot healthier than I was when they first took me in, hormones have stabilized and all that stuff.”
Akutagawa nodded approvingly, giving a small hum as he pulled a few takeout containers from the fridge and stood. “That’s good to hear,” he replied, and Atsushi smiled. “All I have ready-made is some leftover takeout that Gin brought over the other night,” he said, somewhat apologetically, and Atsushi shrugged.
“That’s fine,” he assured, watching as Akutagawa set about dumping rice and meat into bowls and placing them in the microwave.
They were quiet as they ate, although not awkwardly so. When they were finished and rose to set their dishes in the sink, Atsushi found himself pulled into a gentle kiss. When Akutagawa pulled away, Atsushi met his eyes before pressing forward again, capturing those thin lips again and delighting in the breathy noise Akutagawa let out. Atsushi was backed up against the counter, one hand sliding over his hip and another coming up to cup his cheek. Akutagawa brushed his thumb over Atsushi’s bottom lip when they separated again, staying close. They wound up stumbling to the couch, kissing breathlessly the whole way there. “Bold,” Akutagawa whispered as he lay Atsushi down, back leaning against the armrest as Akutagawa straddled his waist. Atsushi visibly swallowed when he felt the telltale sign of the other’s arousal pressing against his hip. Atsushi surged up to meet Akutagawa’s mouth again, biting his bottom lip gently in impatience. Akutagawa’s hand strayed downwards as they kissed. When Atsushi felt a thumb slip under his waistband, he gasped softly and Akutagawa immediately pulled back.
“Too much?” he asked, searching Atsushi’s eyes. Atsushi thought for a moment, really thought, before shaking his head.
“No,” he replied decisively. “No, it’s… I want to, want you to. Just… go slow?” Akutagawa leaned back down and pressed a kiss to his jaw, murmuring a soft of course before making his way down, placing warm, open-mouthed kisses all along Atsushi’s jawline and then his collarbones. Meanwhile, he was tracing careful patterns above the waistband of Atsushi’s pants. Every now and then he would slip a finger or two under the edge, but not fully touching yet. Atsushi whimpered at one point, when Akutagawa dragged his teeth against the sensitive spot on his neck.
“I’m going to touch you,” Akutagawa warned him gently, and Atsushi nodded, feeling his hips twitch upward. He felt good . Akutagawa tugged Atsushi’s pants down just a little, revealing the sharp v-line leading down to his crotch. Akutagawa scooted himself lower to press a kiss to the warm, flushed skin there, before moving back up to brush a hand through Atsushi’s bangs. “Feel good?” he asked, checking in. Atsushi nodded. “Y-yeah,” he confirmed. “Feels good.” Akutagawa hummed and finally met his lips again. Atsushi felt fingers creep under his waistband again, willing himself to relax.
When Akutagawa finally, finally brushed the tips of his fingers over the sensitive flesh, Atsushi made a small gaspy noise and clung onto the back of Akutagawa’s shirt. Akutagawa swallowed the sound, keeping his mouth occupied as he probed gently. Atsushi fought to keep his hips still.
“A little lower,” he muttered against Akutagawa’s lips, flustered. Akutagawa adjusted his hand, and Atsushi couldn’t help but buck upward into the warmth. “Yeah. Right- right there… A little more pressure.” An embarrassing sound forced its way out of his throat as Akutagawa hit that spot just right . Atsushi didn’t think he’d ever managed to get himself this worked up on his own.
Akutagawa moved his fingers in gentle circles, murmuring reassurances in Atsushi’s ear all the while. After a couple minutes, Atsushi whined.
“Faster. Ryuu, fuck. That feels good.”
“Yeah?” Akutagawa obeyed, pressing a little more firmly and working his hand faster. Atsushi moaned . “Yeah,” he replied. “Ryuu. Ryuu, I’m close, fuck-”
“Take your time,” he whispered in the tiger’s ear. “I’ve got you.” Atsushi whined again, clutching at Akutagawa’s shirt again as the knot in his gut snapped. His hips bucked upwards into Akutagawa's hand as he gasped, burying his face in the other’s shoulder as he climaxed. A myriad of swears and iterations of Akutagawa’s name fell from his lips, muffled by the man’s shirt. Akutagawa kept his fingers moving in gentler and gentler circles as Atsushi came down.
“Fuck,” he finally muttered, and Akutagawa chuckled, withdrawing his hand and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “Feel good?” He asked again, and Atsushi nodded. “Sleepy,” He murmured in response, and Akutagawa smiled.
“I need to wash my hands first, sushi boy. If you let me up, I’ll carry you to bed.” Atsushi grumbled but released him, lying boneless on the couch until Akutagawa returned to pick him up. Atsushi wrapped his legs around the other’s waist, flushing when he realized.
“Do you want me to-?”
“Don’t worry about me,” Akutagawa cut him off. “We’re both too tired. I’ll probably just get myself off in the morning.”
Atsushi was too blissed out to even get embarrassed over such a blunt statement.
Atsushi stirred slightly, opening one eye blearily as he tried to form a thought. There was a warm chest pressed up against his back, rising and falling gently and rhythmically. An arm was slung over his waist, and another was underneath his neck. Atsushi smiled sleepily and let himself drift off again, feeling content and safe in his boyfriend’s arms. He didn’t need to be awake just yet.
When Atsushi woke again, he was alone, the sheets next to him still warm where Akutagawa had been. He rolled onto his back and stretched, his back popping as he gave a sleepy groan. He blinked open his eyes and peered at the ceiling for a moment. Glancing over, he realized two things;
One, Akutagawa had a bedroom adjacent bathroom. And two –
Atsushi blushed as he remembered Akutagawa’s words to him last night. He threw an arm over his eyes and dozed while he waited for Akutagawa to finish up. When he emerged from the bathroom, shirt tousled and hair damp at the ends from washing his face, Atsushi looked over to him. Akutagawa blinked as he shut the door behind him.
“You’re awake,” he observed, voice rough from sleep. He moved back over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it, and Atsushi nodded. He sat up, scooching over to sit next to Akutagawa, leaning his head on his shoulder. They sat like that for a little while before Atsushi spoke up.
“Thank you,” he murmured. “For last night. That was… really good. I think that’s the first time I actually slept peacefully after orgasming, instead of lying awake and hating myself.”
Akutagawa ran a hand through Atsushi’s hair. “I’m glad to hear that,” he replied softly. “Was it… reaffirming, somehow?” Atsushi nodded again. “Yeah,” he said, “it was. I felt… okay. I’m not sure how else to put it, really. I felt like me , not like what I’m supposed to be. Does that make sense?”
Akutagawa hummed. “Yeah.”
Atsushi smiled and gently tugged Akutagawa back down onto the bed with him.
The world could wait for a while.