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Anger lived deep inside his chest.
Clawing at his ribs, pushing against his lungs, squeezing his heart. The feeling had been there since the moment he was born. Perhaps, even longer.
Maybe, Liam was made out of a supernova. Maybe, Liam was supposed to feel like this. Maybe, he was doomed for an explosion.
However, the thing was, Liam had always believed that anger was the only thing he was ever going to deal with – therapy sessions were already incredibly annoying, but he managed. It made his mom happy, or so he hoped. But, again, anger wasn't the only thing creeping around him, inside him. Everywhere.
It was the dread he felt just living in his body. He was too young, just a little kid, barely navigating through the waves of anger – how was he supposed to possibly explain this?
His body felt… weird. Right, he definitely had a way with words, that was for sure, but what else was he supposed to say? It felt wrong and weird and it made his skin prickle.
Oh, right. He was a girl. And it didn't really feel right.
Liam remembered being ten, telling his mom those exact words. And his mom, ever the supportive one, nodded and smiled and told him how much she loved him.
His father, though… a much different story.
The hit across his cheek burnt to the point it brought tears to Liam's eyes. And in that moment, it didn't matter how much he tried to repeat mantras and do breathing exercises – the supernova was exploding right inside him, taking everything down with him.
Shattered glass, broken chairs, torn curtains.
Liam was just a little boy. Yet, he was turning into an angry man.
His mom left his father the very same day. Got full custody of Liam later on.
And Liam was soon put on puberty blockers. Later testosterone shots. And he even chose his name.
Liam – a short form of William. The Irish form, too. Letting his Irish heritage shine, or whatever.
And then, his stepdad came in. A doctor. A truly nice guy – accepting, kind in a way Liam wasn't used to, and even taught him lacrosse. Just to make things unbelievably good, he even said he was going to talk to friends and colleagues, putting Liam on the waiting list. Sure, he had to wait until he was eighteen, but he could get rid of that stupid weight on his chest (both metaphorically and literally).
And then… right, because the world wasn't too kind to supernovas. They were always doomed, even when they were only stars.
Liam got expelled. Got bitten by a random guy. Got turned into a werewolf.
And werewolves were healing so fucking fast. Way too fucking fast.
Suddenly, the dream of getting top surgery was exactly that – a dream. Something that stayed hidden in his brain, but he couldn't quite reach it, missing it just by a bit.
The utter sense of dread was back. It was weighing Liam down, even though he could easily lift double of his own body weight, perhaps he could easily add Mason's weight as well.
That night, when Liam realized his dream was just a stupid, childish vision, he grabbed a knife. He stood in the bathroom in front of a mirror, his face twisted in a grimace upon seeing his bare torso – sure, he worked out specifically to get rid of his tits, but they were still there.
And so, he did what seemed to be the best idea – cut right through his chest. Only to watch as the wound started to heal, the tissue stitching back together on its own.
Liam did it again. And again. And one more time, because what if that time it was going to work?
The floor underneath him was stained with blood, and Liam couldn't find it in him to care when he fell to his knees, ugly sobs leaving his throat.
Liam tried his hardest to identify the emotions swirling inside his head – his therapist said it was important to try and untangle them, so he could give them a space – but he couldn't focus on anything, but the anger boiling deep inside his gut. Hot and deadly, ready for an explosion.
A supernova, truly.
Because it was so fucking unfair. Liam was supposed to be a normal teenager, playing lacrosse, and being excited about his future top surgery. Maybe even phallo, too. Now, though?
Oh, Liam was so stupid. So stupid and so angry.
The last thing he knew, he was surrounded by shards of glass, watching as the wounds on his knuckles healed. Stitching together. Disappearing completely.
Liam woke up the whole house – he was getting more intense therapy sessions starting next week. But how the fuck could he possibly explain to his therapist he was a werewolf without getting locked up in a padded room?
The first one to notice something was wrong wasn't Scott – the true Alpha – no, it was Stiles. It was during one of the lacrosse practices, too, when Coach made them run multiple laps. It should've been easy, but Liam was finding himself out of breath, forcing his eyes to focus.
Stiles was waiting for him, even when everyone left the locker room, Scott included, who was too eager to find Kira.
“You're not in a good shape,” mused Stiles, leaning against one of the lockers.
Liam fidgeted idly with the hem of his lacrosse shirt. “Says the one who almost passed out,” he spat, his expression twisting into a scowl.
“Yeah, but I'm always bad. You? Nope, not really,” replied Stiles, shrugging one shoulder, almost nonchalantly. “So? Why are you wheezing, when you're trying to breathe?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.
Liam debated whether or not he was going to tell Stiles anything at all – Beacon Hills was a small town with enough bigots to probably create a right-wing political party. It wasn't like he didn't know how to take care of himself when facing a transphobe (because he absolutely did), but he didn't need yet another thing to deal with.
But Stiles was part of the pack. Or whatever. They were supposed to help each other out, right? But, God almighty, sharing anything with anyone was more terrifying than any supernatural creature.
Despite that, with shaking hands, Liam lifted his shirt just enough to reveal the duct tape he used to bind his chest. Not the smartest move, he was fully aware of it – but he couldn't work out in binders and trans tape didn't seem to be enough these days. So, duct tape it was.
“Dude,” said Stiles, and the disappointment in his voice cut through the jumble of thoughts inside Stiles' head. “Duct tape? Really?”
“Shut up,” huffed Liam, rolling his eyes, pulling his shirt back down. “You don’t even know what it feels like. Trans tape isn’t enough; duct tape works so much better.”
Stiles blinked slowly at Liam, before clicking his tongue in distaste. “Oh, I don’t know what it feels like? Really? Okay, listen to me, you little runt,” he said, stepping closer. “You’re not the only trans person around here, okay? I know exactly what it feels like – including using duct tape, because you don’t have enough money for a binder, and your dysphoria is through the roof.”
Liam stared at Stiles for a long time, neither of them were moving. To be fair, Liam wasn’t entirely sure if he was even breathing. And then, finally, despite how choked up he sounded, he stammered, “You’re trans. A trans–trans guy.”
“Trans masc, but people are too stupid to realize the difference, anyway,” replied Stiles, waving his hand, as if it wasn’t a big deal. And maybe it wasn’t. “Point being, I know exactly how you feel, but using duct tape isn’t a way to go. You’re just gonna fuck up your ribs, man.”
Liam only nodded in response, rubbing the back of his neck. Right, he got so caught up in his own frustration – in his own anger – that he forgot all about the people that were going through the exact same thing. Who would’ve thought a person like that was so close?
“How–how do you deal with it? Dysphoria, I mean,” asked Liam, his voice quiet. Almost shy.
Stiles wrapped one arm around Liam’s shoulders, already dragging him outside the locker room. “We have so many things to talk about, Little wolf.”
“I’m going to punch you.”
“Sure, Little wolf.”
It was one thing for Stiles to notice – he was part of the pack, and maybe he even considered Liam to be a friend. Which… sounded actually nice. But it was a completely different thing for someone like Theo to notice something was off.
Because Theo barely saw Liam past his IED, past his anger, past his role of Scott's Beta.
Theo didn't see Liam. The only thing he'd ever seen was a supernova.
Right?
But Theo kept sticking around, kept bickering with Liam, kept withstanding the explosions. As if they meant nothing, as if the scorching heat was never even a big deal, as if Liam’s anger couldn't possibly destroy Theo.
During those moments around Theo, Liam felt like he wasn't made out of numerous explosions, poorly locked behind a shabby looking door that couldn't survive even the smallest hit. Somehow, someway he started to feel a little lighter, despite the jabs and teasing – perhaps that was what was helping.
Because for once in his life, Liam was treated as something that had nothing to do with his IED. And for the first time, it seemed like being a supernova wasn't too bad.
“Why are you even here?” asked Liam, looking at Theo from the corner of his eye. They'd been leaning against Theo's truck, parked at one of the few scenic viewpoints in Beacon Hills. The lights of the city were softly flickering in the distance.
“What?” asked Theo, cocking his head to the side. “In Beacon Hills? Are you telling me to leave? Oh, and here I thought we were past that,” he chuckled, his lips curling up in a smirk.
Liam rolled his eyes – typical. “No, you dick,” he scoffed. “I mean, right now. Right here; next to me.”
“Are you getting all sentimental on me, Little Beta?” mused Theo, raising one eyebrow. “Should we make each other bracelets, hm? Something that'll bind us forever?”
“Can you actually stop being an asshole for five seconds?” huffed Liam, nudging Theo's shoulder with his. “Just–just answer the damn question.”
Theo tipped his head back with a thoughtful hum, letting the silence stretch for a second. Then two. Then three. And, finally, he said, “I guess it's fun.”
“Fun?” echoed Liam, tilting his head to the side.
Theo turned his head to look at Liam properly, smirking. “It's fun to piss you off.”
Liam groaned, dragging his hands across his face. “You're so insufferable. I hate you,” he muttered. “So much. So incredibly much.”
“You see, I would've believed that a few months back, but now I find that hard to believe,” replied Theo, the smirk never leaving his face. “Especially because I know you're nothing, but a liar.”
“Really?” mumbled Liam, looking at Theo and raising one unimpressed eyebrow. “Are you sure you want to call me a liar?”
Theo rolled his eyes. “Details,” he mumbled. “Point being, you were absolutely lying when you said you hated me – your heartbeat spiked up.”
“Stop tracking my heartbeat, you absolute creep,” huffed Liam, his lower lip sticking out.
“Are you pouting?” asked Theo.
“No,” replied Liam, pouting.
Theo laughed – it was finally honest after a long time. Liam liked the sound of Theo's laugh. It wasn't like Stiles' loud cackles, or Scott's small snickers, or even Mason's sputtering snorts. No, Theo's laugh was quiet, uncharacteristically bright for someone like… well, Theo.
“Stop laughing, you asshole,” said Liam, desperately fighting the giggle that was trying to escape his throat – god, Liam Dunbar was about to giggle because of someone like Theo. He was pretty sure Stiles would've lost his mind, if he'd seen this. Mason, too. And definitely Scott, as well. Oh, Lydia would've been so disappointed – a man making him giggle? The horror.
Theo looked at Liam, the corners of his mouth twitching. Oh, was that a smile? Was Theo trying not to smile? That… that was unexpected.
“Anyway,” said Liam, inching a little closer to Theo. “Are you ever going to answer my question truthfully?”
Theo hummed, pursing his lips. “But I did, didn't I? It's fun to piss you off,” he said. Then, after a moment, he added, “And, ah, it's fun overall. I guess.”
“You guess?” snorted Liam.
“Yeah, I guess, Little Beta,” replied Theo, rolling his eyes.
Liam clicked his tongue. “Can you stop calling me that?”
“Well, you are little and a beta, aren't you?” said Theo, nudging Liam – it seemed oddly soothing. As if they didn't hate each other's guts just a few months ago.
Then, finally, the comment clicked, and Liam turned to Theo, his eyebrows knitting together. “There's not even two inches between us! I'm not that short! I–I’m slightly under the average!”
“Uh-huh,” mumbled Theo, amusement finding its way to his face. “So, over two and a half inches is slightly under the average?”
“Technically, I'm also above the average,” muttered Liam, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes widened, as he realized what he'd just said, and he immediately took a step away from Theo. “Ignore that.”
Theo raised one eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?”
“I told you to ignore it,” said Liam, far too quickly. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuck. Could he – for once – think before speaking? Was that really so hard to do? Some people were so calm and collected, but Liam just happened to be a fucking disaster, because the universe already hated his guts – it even doomed him to be a supernova!
“Trans?” asked Theo, putting his hands in his pockets. His voice was… not calm, but completely unbothered. As if Theo didn't even care.
Liam glanced over his shoulder at Theo, nodding carefully. “What? Any problem with that?” he spat, before he could stop himself. He was trying to even out his breathing, doing the exercises he was given at his therapy sessions.
“Do I look like I have a problem?” countered Theo, cocking his head to the side.
“You look like a dick,” huffed Liam, finally turning around to face Theo properly. He dug his claws into his palms, trying not to draw any blood.
“Ever seen one, if you say I look like one?” continued Theo.
Liam scoffed, “If I did, it wasn't mine.”
Theo hummed, taking one step closer, still keeping enough distance between them. “No phalloplasty?”
“Werewolf healing,” replied Liam, rolling his eyes. Despite that, he could feel his hands relaxing, his claws retracting. “I got bitten before I could get any surgery. Wait,” he added, his eyebrows knitting together, “why do you know so much? Did the dread doctors teach you about gender-affirming surgeries?”
“They did,” replied Theo, nodding his head.
Huh?
Liam could only stare at Theo for a long time, blinking slowly. Now, the last thing he'd expected was for the dread doctors to be trans allies, but Theo's heartbeat didn't pick up, didn't stutter. He wasn't lying, but considering how good of a liar Theo was…
“Oh my god,” sighed Theo, taking another couple of steps towards Liam. “You're not the only trans person in Beacon Hills, alright?”
Liam knew that obviously – Stiles had already proven that in the locker room once, revealing his identity to Liam during a trans bonding moment.
“I didn't see you wearing a binder. Or a tape,” said Liam, eying Theo's chest with narrowed eyes, “and I certainly didn't see any scars.”
Theo heaved another sighed – this one was louder, almost resigned. He took off his jacket, setting it on a car hood. And then he pushed his shirt up, revealing his chest.
Liam stepped closer, squinting his eyes to take a proper look. For a long moment, neither of them moved, as he simply studied Theo's chest. After a while, Liam finally noticed – small silver lines, barely visible, and he fought the urge to keep his mouth closed. He remembered when his dad showed him multiple photos of results of top surgeries. Most of them were done by the best doctors in the country, but even then, the scars were extremely visible.
Not Theo's.
They were small and thin and fully healed, easily unnoticed. But they were there – Theo got top surgery. Somehow, someway.
“How?” asked Liam, reaching his hand out to touch the scars, tracing them with his fingertips. Suddenly it clicked in his brain what he was actually doing, and he reeled back so fast that he stumbled over a rock, falling ungracefully on his ass. The loud thud was going to haunt Liam. For sure.
But Theo only laughed, real and honest, already pulling his shirt down. “The dread doctors,” he replied, as if that answered everything. And… it kinda did, right? Everything about Theo – good or bad – could be tracked back to the dread doctors. “They… ah, I asked them if there could be anything done. Anything at all. And they did this,” he said, reaching his hand out to Liam to help him stand up.
Liam begrudgingly accepted the extended hand, pulling himself up. “But how?” he repeated. “I mean, we both heal. I–I tried to cut these off,” he admitted, gesturing at his own chest. “And they healed! Essentially grew back!”
Theo shifted his gaze to Liam's chest, pursing his lips. “You're flat, though. And I don't see any binding.”
Liam puffed out his chest, unable to help himself. “Self-made. I don't spend all this time working out for nothing.”
Theo hummed, and it almost carried a hint of admiration. “Good for you.”
“But… uh,” mumbled Liam, vaguely gesturing at Theo's lower half. “but you don't… uh…”
“No. No dick,” replied Theo, shrugging one shoulder, almost nonchalantly. As if it wasn't even a big deal.
“And you're alright with that?” asked Liam, carefully choosing his words.
Theo pursed his lips. “Only about twenty percent of people have any sensations during sex after phallo,” he explained. “If I'm going to fuck, I'd like to at least feel something, you know?”
“Right. Right, yeah, uh, that's reasonable,” mumbled Liam, nodding his head. Where was this conversation even going?
Theo leaned back against the hood of the car, and Liam carefully did the same thing. “What about you?”
Liam looked at Theo from the corner of his eye. “Hm?”
“Are you alright with that?” asked Theo, gesturing vaguely at Liam's whole being.
“Not really, no,” replied Liam, his voice turning small. Almost on instinct, he crossed his arms over his chest, as if to hide from Theo. “But there isn't much I can do, can I? Unless you have some knowledge from the dread doctors,” he quipped.
Theo clenched and unclenched his jaw, before speaking up, “It wasn't worth it. Well, the results are nice, don't get me wrong, but I don't think I've ever been in so much pain,” he admitted. “I don't know how they did it, but they somehow stopped the healing. Did it all without anesthesia. I almost died.”
Liam only gave a curt nod. He didn't even dare to speak; it wasn't everyday Theo offered anything about himself willingly.
“But they gave me one of many things I craved,” added Theo, his voice growing tired.
“That's why you stayed?” asked Liam.
“One of many,” replied Theo, idly fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “Would you do it? If the dread doctors – or anyone – came in, saying they had a solution?”
“Yes,” replied Liam, perhaps a little bit too fast. “I mean, I'd be stupid not to.”
“You'd be stupid no matter what, so don't worry about it,” said Theo with a smirk.
Liam nudged him. “Ha ha. Funny,” he mumbled. “No, it's just… I still have tits, and I can't stop working out, otherwise people will see, and I feel like a binder, or a tape aren't enough. And–and it makes me feel like I'm not–”
A man. Not a real one, at least.
Because Liam was just a fraud, playing pretend. That was how anyone was going to see him. Just a girl, trying to desperately act like a boy. Because if anyone knew about the lack of surgeries, they were going to assume that Liam was faking it. Maybe he was. Maybe he was actually faking it, and he tricked everyone, including himself. Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuck…
“Hey,” murmured Theo, putting one hand on Liam's shoulder. “Can you maybe stop panicking? The smell is god awful – you reek.”
Liam huffed out a weak laugh, ignoring how his breathing started to pick up.
“There are many people who don't have any surgery done. They either can't, or don't want to,” said Theo, his tone light. “Just because people on the internet are awful and say that you need to follow every single step to be a true trans man, it doesn't mean it's true. Every experience is different.”
“You seem… awfully casual about this,” mumbled Liam, still feeling out of breath. He found himself leaning into Theo's touch on his shoulder.
“I mean,” chuckled Theo, shrugging one shoulder, “I was surrounded by the dread doctors who swapped my sister's heart with mine and made me into a chimera. Of course, I'm casual about being trans.”
Liam laughed, despite the situation – the panic was slowly dying down. “That's true,” he agreed, not even bothering to fight the smile that tugged on his lips. “Thanks.”
Theo frowned. He still didn't pull his hand away. “For what?”
For not being bothered by the explosions.
For enjoying the scorching heat.
For wanting to be around an unstable supernova.
“For sticking around,” Liam said finally, turning his head enough to look at Theo. He shifted his gaze from Theo's eyes to his lips, before forcing himself to look back. His breathing grew heavier, this time for a completely different reason.
Theo ducked his head a little, leaning in. “You're weird, Little Beta,” he murmured, moving his hand from Liam's shoulder to cup his cheek.
“Bad weird?” whispered Liam, pressing his face into Theo's palm – his hands were cold, it was a nice sensation against his heated skin.
Theo tilted his head from side to side, as if he was deep in thought. “Jury's still out.”
Liam scoffed, “You dick.”
“Did you forget already? Don't have one,” said Theo, smirking.
“You make it up with your personality, don't even worry about it. You don't even need to get a phallo,” huffed Liam.
“Asshole,” murmured Theo, finally leaning in to press their lips together.
Liam had thought about kissing Theo before – sue him, but really… how could he not? Theo was incredibly attractive, the definition of a pretty boy, so of course, Liam thought about it. But, point being, he'd always thought kissing Theo was going to be more heated. More demanding. More aggressive.
So, no one could blame Liam for letting out a soft, surprised sound, when the kiss turned out to be incredibly gentle. Theo's lips were moving slowly against Liam's, warm and steady.
Liam sighed blissfully into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Theo's neck, while Theo's hand moved all the way to his waist.
Theo bit down on his lower lip, making Liam gasp softly. And then Theo was licking into his mouth – and yet, the kiss stayed gentle. Soft. Fucking perfect.
They only pulled away when they needed to breathe, panting softly, their breaths mingling. And Liam was full on giggling, no longer bothering to hide it. Theo, on the other hand, was laughing. Quiet, but honest.
“I like being around you,” admitted Theo.
Being around a supernova was a death sentence. People knew, and they stayed back – perhaps they were waiting to see the explosion from a reasonable distance, Liam didn't know. But Theo was different. He walked into the explosion with open arms and an easy smirk. Because Theo wasn't scared of the supernova that was Liam Dunbar.
“I like being around you, too.”