Work Text:
1.
The first time Dazai fell, he was 10.
There were people running after him, and he knew that he had to escape quickly. He had killed 5 infamous gang members. Apparently, you could hire any one of the gang and ask them to remove a certain person, and they would do so. They worked for revenge and payment was always delivered if the job was done satisfactorily.
One of those people had hired one of them and set them on Dazai, but to no avail. He quickly killed the one, getting information from him before he died, and used it to track down their base and kill the rest of them. He also killed the one who had hired them, the head of a street gang, and a pickpocket. His name was Gorou Tachibana. He also liked to bully people, and Dazai got grim pleasure in slitting his throat.
He did all of these murders in one night, and was careful not to leave any evidence behind.
But there were gang members who were loyal to Gorou, and so they talked. Soon enough, Dazai was a wanted person. It wasn't an ideal situation, but Dazai knew that he could either talk or kill his way out, and he was talented in both things.
He planted false information about himself, and lured out the witnesses and the police to a specific area. The neighborhood was abandoned, which was an ideal setting. He had planted a bomb somewhere, and it soon detonated. It killed everyone on sight.
That job done, Dazai quickly looked for a bridge, and stepped on top of it. Maybe he could end things now, before he experienced real pain, before his life became better and worse. So he jumped, and he fell, and he closed his eyes.
He hit the water.
-
When he opened his eyes again, he's in a room someplace, and a man is peering down at him. "Interesting." The man says. "You are truly interesting."
Dazai is 13, and the first time he defies Mori, he gets a broken leg and a stabbed right eye in turn. He starts using a crutch and develops an unhealthy obsession with bandages and suicide and leaving the earth gracefully.
2.
The second time Dazai fell, he was 13.
There was a building, and Dazai had gone to the top of it after training with Mori. He knew that the other would probably look for him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.
It was no secret that Dazai didn’t think much of his boss. He obeyed him of course, but he didn’t respect him in any way. But he knew that the boss feared him to some level, and that was all that he needed.
Right now, he was standing on the roof, looking out at the horizon. It was mid-afternoon, and the sun was still high in the sky. The clouds were spread thin, but there were some places where they were slightly thicker and blocked out a bit of the sky.
There was wind whipping past him, ruffling his hair and his clothes. He didn’t have to look down to know that a 10-story drop was very far away. (He already looked earlier, anyway.)
Besides, it was never the ground that interested him.
Satisfied with what he saw, he quickly took one last look ahead, then turned around. And took one step backward.
He was falling.
The wind was rushing up past him, and whistled loud in his ears. His hair whipped back and forth, and he turned his left eye to look up. The right one was covered by bandages, but he could still see the sky. He could still see the soft blue color, and the thin white wisps of clouds. He stretched out his hand, and watched as the tips of his bandages shot straight up.
He wondered if he should close his eyes.
He was falling rapidly, and he was already passing by 3 floors… 4 floors… 5 floors… he didn’t bother to turn his head, because the building was abandoned anyway. Some of the windows were broken, but some were still intact. The building was still standing and it was definitely stable. It hadn’t been abandoned very long. It was a workplace before, but thieves had come and ransacked it, and lots of citizens had died.
The thieves were caught, but not after significant damage had been done to the building. The police had wrapped yellow tape around it, and a few days later, promptly forgotten it.
It was easy for Dazai to slip in and go over to the top floor, 3 weeks later.
He could have chosen other buildings if he wanted, but this building would do. Because it was abandoned, and had yellow tape around it, no one would come near. Even if some children wanted to pretend to be brave and enter the building, Dazai had already forseen the possibility, and offered them sweets in exchange for silence and privacy.
So all he needed to do was wait for the impact of the ground.
He decided that now was a good time to close his eyes, and promptly did so. But even as his eyes closed, he could hear running footsteps, and he didn’t even have to guess to know who it was going to be.
Really, he knew it was going to end up like this.
He sighed, and waited for him to catch up.
Just as he was passing the second to the last floor, there was a hand on his back.
“Gravity Manipulation.” Chuuya said, simply.
And just like that, he wasn’t falling anymore.
“Hello there, Chuuya.” He said, as if everything was perfectly normal, and he wasn’t suspended a good 3-6 feet off the ground.
“Bastard.” Chuuya said, angrily. “Mori-san was looking for you! What the hell have you been doing?!”
“And you’ve found me. As you can see, I’ve been falling peacefully from this building, right up until this moment, where I am currently hanging suspended because of you.” Dazai says, giving him an innocent smile that doesn't fool Chuuya for a second.
"You don't have to be so sarcastic you know, I did run here to save you." Chuuya grumbled.
"Aww, were you that worried for me Chuuya? You're making me blush~" Dazai said, smirking at him.
Chuuya flushed, whether from embarrassment or anger Dazai wasn't sure. "Shut up, you're annoying me. Now come on, we have to go back to the Port Mafia. The Boss is waiting for you."
"How can I? Gravity Manipulation lasts for a certain period of time, and if my calculations are correct, it will be nightfall until I can move again." Dazai replied.
"Oh. Yeah." Chuuya said, looking surprised.
In spite of himself, Dazai let out a short laugh. "You really weren't thinking, were you?"
"What else was I supposed to do? Let you die?!" Chuuya demanded.
"Well, that is a possibility..." Dazai said, trying to shrug.
"Not for me it isn't." Chuuya said, as sternly as he could. "You know I can''t let you die."
"I know." Dazai said, softly.
There's a moment of silence between the two of them, which is only broken by Dazai. "Ok! Since this is going nowhere, how about you tell me a story?"
Chuuya gives him an incredulous look. "Seriously? Right now?"
"Why not?" Dazai asked. "It'll help pass the time, after all."
"What would I even say?" Chuuya asked.
"That's easy. Tell me a story about you. Your likes, your dislikes, the things you're good at, your horrible fashion sense, things like that." Dazai suggested.
"Did you just casually insult me, idiot?!" Chuuya asked, pissed.
"It's not my fault that you're just too easy to tease, Chuu-ya~." Dazai said, cheerfully.
"Bastard! I should just leave you here, you can walk on home as soon as my ability wears off. I'll explain everything to Mori-san." Chuuya said, almost stomping his foot in anger.
"Sure, go ahead! Maybe then I'll have some peace and quiet." Dazai said, seemingly unfazed.
"Y-you-!" Chuuya said, continuing to splutter for a while, before throwing his hands up. "You know what, I give up."
He stomped away, and Dazai watched him go, impassively. He sighed. He didn't really mind Chuuya's presence, but he had to admit that he was a little annoyed that he wasn’t able to die. Of course it wasn’t Chuuya’s fault, but it was easier to pretend to blame him. Besides, Chuuya always had the most amusing reactions, it almost made up for him having to be saved. Almost.
He looked back up at the sky, and closed his eyes. Maybe he could have a few minutes of peace before he had to go back to the Port Mafia.
Just then, a loud thump distracted him from his thoughts.
He reluctantly opened his eyes, and blinked twice, just to make sure that he was seeing correctly. Chuuya was seated on some kind of mat with his back turned towards him.
“You came back.” Dazai said, surprised.
“I went and got a mat. So that I didn’t have to wait with you on the hard ground.” Chuuya explained. “And at least this way, I won’t have to look at your face until night fall.”
“I see.” Dazai said, but there’s a little bit of wonder in his tone, just enough to make Chuuya talk again.
“We’re partners. This is what partners do. Probably.” Chuuya said, still not looking at him.
No. Dazai thought. Partners take care of each other on the battlefield. We’re not on enemy territory at all, but you’re still here. This is more than what partners do.
But then again, what did he know? He’s never had a partner before Chuuya, always preferring to work alone. He’s always been more efficient that way. But just as he’s opening his mouth to say so, he looks at Chuuya. He’s sitting upright, looking straight ahead, and Dazai knows that if anyone comes, Chuuya would be ready for them.
The thought is strangely warming. Dazai inadvertently smiles.
“I knew you couldn’t be away from me that long, Chuu-ya~.” Dazai teased, and is rewarded with a rock thrown his way. He only has to tilt his head a little to dodge it.
“Bastard.” Chuuya hissed, and Dazai laughed.
“I’ll take it from here, partner.” Dazai said, and his voice is oddly soft.
Chuuya tilts his head a little, but doesn’t move from his position. Only when he hears snores does he turn around.
Dazai is asleep.
Chuuya’s first instinct is to throw some more things at him and probably shout at him to wake up, but then he stops. Dazai rarely sleeps, especially not on missions or on anywhere away from the Port Mafia. He’s always been alert and ready to assess the situation as needed. So why did he fall asleep now of all times?
Some part of Chuuya thinks that Dazai is doing this to annoy him, but a smaller and slightly more rational side thinks that Dazai is doing this because he trusts Chuuya to stand guard, and be alert for the both of them.
The thought makes Chuuya sigh. He took one last look at Dazai’s peaceful sleeping face, then turned back around with a huff.
“Idiot, you owe me one.” He said, and prepared to wait until night fall.
He misses the small smile on Dazai’s face.
3.
The third time Dazai fell, he was 15.
He was training Akutagawa, a 13 year old boy who he found on the streets. He was someone Mori-san had been interested in for a while, and he had sent Dazai to go and recruit him.
Of course he didn’t tell Dazai how exactly, but he already had a pretty good idea of how to do it. And sure enough, killing the people that Akutagawa was looking for worked well as both a display of power and as a gift.
Akutagawa had followed him back to the base without much complaint, a fact that Dazai was quite thankful for. It made his job so much easier. When they arrived, Mori-san dismissed Dazai after a quick appraisal and asked Akutagawa to remain. As Dazai shut the door behind him, he briefly thought of listening in, but then dismissed the idea. The consequences of getting caught, however slim, outweighed his own curiosity. Besides, he could guess what they were talking about, and he needed a bit of sleep before he could deal with this.
So he headed back to his room, intending to collapse on his bed and just sleep until he's awaken again.
But then he's greeted with the sight of Chuuya sitting on a chair beside his bed, and who can blame him for suddenly feeling wide awake? His arm was slung around the back of the chair and he was resting his head on it. His chest rose and fell with steady breathing, and his eyes were closed. But as soon as he heard the door open, Chuuya's eyes snapped open. He lifted his head to look at Dazai, looking sheepish.
"Well, this is a surprise. To what do I owe this visit, Chuu-ya~?" Dazai asked, softly closing the door behind him.
"Bastard." Chuuya said, in lieu of a greeting. He rubbed his eyes. "I came back after my mission just to find out that you were gone. Mori-san told me that he sent you to recruit someone. Were you able to do it?"
And this, Dazai knows, is Chuuya asking him if he's ok, if he's hurt anywhere. Warmth spread in Dazai's chest, uncalled for, and yet not completely unwelcome. He smiled. "Of course I did, after all this is me you're talking about."
Chuuya huffed. "Idiot." He muttered.
Dazai's smile turned into a smirk. "Well you found out what you came here for, so what are you going to do now?"
"What do you mean? I'm going back to my room, I'm tired." Chuuya said, but his voice is a little bit too high to be convincing. As he gets up from the chair and tries to move past him, Dazai puts his arm out and stops him.
"Now Chuuya, you've waited so long for me, it seems only right that I repay you." Dazai said, a mischievous glint in his eye.
He's rewarded with a bright red blush that spreads across Chuuya's face like fire. "I haven't been waiting that long-"
"Your coat is rumpled, your hat is tilted, you fell asleep on my chair, and when you stood up, you had a bit of difficulty, as if you were shaking out the pins and needles in your legs. Also, you look tired." And Dazai's voice becomes softer with the last sentence.
"That's why I should be going back to my room, so that I can sleep again." Chuuya protested, moving a little bit, but Dazai's arm presses firmly against him.
Dazai shook his head, looking amused. "What do you think our fellow members will think if they see you going out of my room looking all ruffled and tired like this?"
"They'll respect my privacy because I'll beat them up if they don't?" Chuuya suggested.
"Fair enough, but what if Mori-san catches you?" Dazai asked, and Chuuya stiffens a little bit.
"I'll tell him the truth. That I fell asleep in your room." Chuuya answered, but he sounds unsure.
"I doubt he'd let you off so easily." Dazai said, and Chuuya slumps a little.
"Fine. What do you suggest I do?" Chuuya asked, because he really is tired, and leaning against Dazai against this lets him feel his warmth.
Dazai smirked, and leaned closer, whispering in Chuuya's ear. "Sleep with me, Chuuya."
Chuuya's transitions from droopy-eyed-comfortable-sleepy to never-been-more-awake-in-his-entire-life. He's pretty sure his blush rivals the brightest shade of red there is, and his mouth opens and closes a couple of times.
Dazai laughs, and the sound is light and airy. "Oh Chuuya, you should see your face, you look adorable!"
Chuuya growls at him, wishing that his face wasn't so red. "Idiot, do you know what you're saying? Why would I want to do something like that-and with you- and-and-"
He's interrupted by Dazai shaking his head. "You misunderstand me Chuuya, I merely meant that I wanted you to sleep with me in the literal sense." His eyes dance with mirth, and Chuuya quickly avoids his gaze.
"Bastard." Chuuya said, because that’s all that needs to be said.
Dazai’s smile turns softer, and he puts his hand on Chuuya’s shoulder. “I do want you to sleep with me though. If you would allow it to happen.”
And Chuuya wants to argue, tell him no way, or better yet just run out of there before Dazai can catch him. But then he looks at Dazai, and even if the other is still smiling, Chuuya can tell that the other fully expects him to leave. He can read the uncertainty in the other’s eyes, and he hates it. So he sighs, then slumps a little bit closer to Dazai. “Ok.”
Chuuya feels Dazai’s grin rather than sees it. “Wonderful.”
Dazai moves a bit, but then Chuuya stops him. “Too tired. Don’t move.” He said, fighting his exhaustion.
Dazai pauses for a while, and Chuuya mistakenly thinks that that’s the end of it. But then there’s an arm that snakes around his waist, and Dazai’s bending, and what is he even doi- Oh.
Dazai’s carrying him, bridal style. Chuuya’s too stunned to say anything.
Dazai smiles, then starts moving towards the bed. Chuuya’s aware of the fact that Dazai is holding him gently, and moving slowly, making sure that he doesn’t jostle Chuuya too much. It makes his heart beat a little bit faster, and he hates it.
He’s almost glad when Dazai dumps him on the bed, though the jolt does hurt. He growls. “Oi, damn Dazai! What did you do that for?!”
“You might’ve fallen asleep in my arms, Chuu~ya, and I highly doubt you’d want that.” Dazai said, though the smile doesn’t exactly reach his eyes.
Chuuya frowns, then huffs. “Idiot, don’t go deciding what you think I want like that. Let me have a say.”
For a moment, Dazai is too stunned to speak. Chuuya risked a glance, and saw Dazai’s face remain carefully neutral, but emotions flash by at a rapid pace in his eyes. Chuuya blinked, and Dazai’s smiling again.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” He said, and leaned down to remove his shoes.
Chuuya watched him for a while, then averted his gaze when Dazai stood back up. “You should remove your shoes too, Chuuya.”
He does so, and leaves them on the side of the bed. He lies down on the far side of the bed, next to the wall, and wonders what on earth he’s doing. Then Dazai’s hand reaches over and plucks Chuuya’s hat off. He places it carefully on the bedside table, then takes off his coat. He hangs it on the back of the chair, then carefully eases into bed beside Chuuya.
He doesn’t make any move towards Chuuya, and the latter wonders why he feels disappointed.
He tried to tell himself that he doesn’t want to be any closer to Dazai if he can help it, but the protest sounded weak even in his mind. He sighed, and then suddenly there’s an arm around his waist, tugging him backwards. He goes, and his back hits Dazai’s chest softly. “Much better.” Dazai whispered, and Chuuya shivered.
“You sly bastard.” Chuuya replied, and he feels Dazai’s smirk pressed against his hair.
Dazai’s body is radiating warmth, and it envelopes Chuuya like another coat. He thinks he should start saying something about personal space, but he’s far too comfortable.
Soon enough, he falls asleep.
_
It's a few days after that, and Dazai is the newly assigned mentor of Akutagawa.
He guessed it of course, the minute Mori-san called him into his office and he saw Akutagawa there. Mori explained it, and Akutagawa bowed his head a little. "Please take care of me." He said, his voice rough.
Dazai smiled. "Of course."
Throughout the days, Dazai trained Akutagawa, constantly pushing the latter to his limits and even beyond, training him thoroughly, efficiently, and mercilessly. The other has a raging cough that Dazai suspects may be chronic cough, but which kind exactly, he isn't sure. It doesn't exactly trouble him much, but it does slow down Akutagawa. The only good thing about his constant stops to cough is that he has an ability that can be used both as an offense and defense, so no matter how many times an enemy tries to strike him down with bullets, they would just be swallowed up.
Dazai tests Akutagawa, both with Rashomon and without. When Akutagawa doesn't use Rashomon, they focus on physical training, which gives Dazai an excuse to kick and punch Akutagawa. The other uses rage and determination to fuel him, but his actions are too predictable, at least for Dazai.
"Don't go in with just one attack in mind." Dazai said, as they sparred. "If one attack doesn't work, you must have at least one back up plan in mind. Also, never rush into any battle situation with only emotions as your guide. Listen to logic and common sense, and be alert."
He side steps a punch from Akutagawa, and quickly blocks the other's right hook. It doesn't make him move backwards but it does leave a bit of an impact. "Getting there."
Akutagawa growls, and punches and kicks him in a flurry. Dazai dodges them and blocks them accordingly, and even gives out punches and kicks of his own. They usually land squarely on their target, and Akutagawa takes a few minutes to cough into his hand. Dazai takes the opportunity to rush at him, and when Akutagawa raises his arm to block his punch, Dazai drops to the ground and sweeps Akutagawa's legs out from under him. Akutagawa falls, and Dazai gets up, brushing dust off his coat.
"Be alert, remember?" Dazai said, as Akutagawa glared at him from the ground.
Akutagawa got up after some difficulty. "Again."
"Ok." Dazai said, and launched himself at Akutagawa. Immediately the other used Rashomon to lift Dazai high up in the air.
Dazai sighed. "You really do rely on your ability in the end, huh?"
Akutagawa stilled, not knowing what to do.
Dazai smiled. "You really haven't progressed much, have you? How do you intend on becoming stronger when you're still this weak? At this rate, you won't be able to do much."
Akutagawa's vision darkens, and he raises the other higher, then moves the claw holding Dazai backwards. He throws Dazai forward, Rashomon still wrapped tightly around the other. He's treating Dazai like a rag doll, and it probably isn't proper to treat one's mentor like this, but he's so angry that he doesn't really care. He threw Dazai backward again, but just as he was throwing him forward, Dazai touched the claw that surrounded his middle, and it disappeared.
Akutagawa froze, his arm still raised forward, as if throwing an invisible baseball, and looks up.
Dazai waved, and fell.
Akutagawa raised an arm, as if he can catch him, but Dazai is too far ahead of him. He's falling at a rapid rate, and Akutagawa can only scream his name, "DAZAI-SAN!" while running forward.
He's coming closer to the ground now, and Akutagawa is still not fast enough, but then a blur passes by both of them. It grabs Dazai in a tackle, and it's acceleration brings it past Akutagawa, who's frozen again, arm still outstretched.
Akutagawa carefully looks backward, and sees Chuuya hugging his mentor. He blinked. Chuuya was basically straddling Dazai, his legs wrapped around Dazai's hips, and his arms wrapped around his shoulders. Dazai's back is against Chuuya's chest, and he looked surprised.
Chuuya's eyes are tightly closed, but then they open. They blink, and then Chuuya growls.
"Idiot!" Chuuya said, grabbing his neck and throttling him. "What the hell were you thinking?!"
"Well, I didn't want to be thrown around like that, it was making me dizzy." Dazai explained.
"So you just decided to cancel Rashomon instead of waiting for Akutagawa to be done?" Chuuya asked, disbelievingly.
"Well, I thought it would be a good way to do suicide." Dazai said, shrugging.
A vein pops in Chuuya's temple. He wraps his legs tighter against Dazai, and wraps his arms around his shoulders. It looks like he's trying to choke the life out of Dazai with something akin to a koala hug, but deadlier.
Akutagawa honestly doesn't know anymore. He coughed, and that's when Chuuya let go of Dazai, and stood up. He whirled around, and pointed a finger at him. "And you!"
Akutagawa doesn't hesitate to listen to Chuuya, and instead ran to his mentor's side. "Dazai-san! Are you ok?!"
"Could be better." Dazai said, shrugging.
"I'm sor-" Akutagawa started, but then Dazai puts up a hand to stop him. "You don't need to apologize. Just never do that again, alright?"
Akutagawa nods, and bows his head deeply. "Hai!"
"Hey, are you even listening to me?!" Chuuya asked enraged, stomping to stand at their front, and looking at the both of them.
"That tackle hurt Chuuya, are you sure you weren't trying to kill me yourself?" Dazai asked, rubbing his sides.
"EXCUSE ME?! I WAS TRYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE, YOU WORTHLESS BASTARD ASS!" Chuuya shouted.
"Three insults in one go, you're really angry Chuuya." Dazai said, looking mildly surprised.
"Of course I am, you idiot! What if you had died?!" Chuuya asked, baring his teeth in a snarl.
"Aren't you the one who always says that it would be better if I died?" Dazai asked, tilting his head.
"I'm the only one allowed to kill you idiot! If you die, I'll kill you!" Chuuya said.
"Ahh, how redundant you are Chuuya, that makes no sense at all, you know?" Dazai said, smirking.
"YOU MAKE NO SENSE AT ALL!" Chuuya shouted.
As the two continued to bicker, Akutagawa closed his eyes. He could feel a headache coming on. He would never understand these two.
4.
The fourth time Dazai fell, he was 16.
It was supposed to be a quiet day, since mostly everyone was out on a mission, including Chuuya. It was strange to see Chuuya leave without Dazai, but it was supposed to be an easy mission, take out an infamous gang full of hackers, and leave no evidence behind. Besides, Dazai had already done a mission earlier, (it was a success of course) and he came back to the Port Mafia just in time to see Chuuya leave.
They quickly exchanged status reports, then Chuuya said, "Don't cause trouble, alright?"
"Alright." Dazai said, smiling innocently.
Chuuya frowned at him, then walked away, while raising his hand in a goodbye gesture. "See you later, suicidal maniac."
"See you later, shortstack! Remember to watch where you're going so that you don't trip!" Dazai said cheerfully, waving back at him.
"Tsk! Bastard! I'll beat you up when I come back!" Chuuya yelled over his shoulder.
"Do your best!" Dazai said, smirking.
Then he turned back inside, and went to his room. On the way there, he passed a window, and would have continued on if not for the sight that he saw. There was a tree outside, and Elise was standing below it.
She was staring at something in the branches, but it was either too small or too cleverly camouflaged for Dazai to see. He must have stared longer than he knew, because he saw Elise turn around with a start, and smile sheepishly at him. She looked as if she was contemplating something, then raised her hand and gestured to Dazai to come outside.
Dazai briefly thought about not doing so, but then again Elise would probably complain to Mori-san, and while Dazai wasn't all that scared of him, it would still be a lot of trouble for him to go through whatever punishment he would see fit.
So he walked outside and joined Elise. "What are you looking at?" Dazai asked.
"There's a cat stuck in the tree." Elise said, pointing upwards. Dazai followed her line of sight, and saw a small tabby cat hanging onto the branch. It looked relaxed, and peered down at them curiously.
"Don't you think it went up the tree because it wanted to?" Dazai suggested.
"Well, I did think of that, but it was a boring idea, so I immediately dismissed it." Elise said, shrugging. "And now I plan to bring it down."
"How exactly do you plan on doing that, Elise-chan?" Dazai asked.
"I was thinking of looking for someone to help me, though mostly everyone's doing a mission." Elise said, thoughtfully.
"And you yourself can't do it because...?" Dazai asked, despite already knowing the answer.
"It's too much trouble, and my dress would probably get ruined." Elise said.
"Well I'm afraid I can't help you. Even if I wanted to, I doubt my right arm would be of any use." Dazai said, gesturing with his left arm.
Elise looks at him. It's true that it would be difficult for him to climb up with his right arm in a sling, and his right eye covered with bandages, but surely there's another way? She thinks for a while, and just as Dazai is about to leave, Hirotsu comes out of the Port Mafia base.
"Elise-san! Mori is looking for you!" Hirotsu said, walking over to where they both were.
Elise suddenly grinned, and Dazai blinked. He suddenly had a feeling he knew where this was going.
Elise turned around. "Hirotsu-sama! Look at the cat! It's stuck in the tree!"
Hirotsu peered at it. "Wouldn't it be better if we left it up there? You know how most Mafia members don't care for animals, Elise-san, I doubt it would survive very long with us."
"That's ok! I just want to play with it a little." Elise said, stubbornly.
"I can't climb a tree, Elise. As much as it pains me to say, you'd probably need someone a little younger than me." Hirotsu said, glaring at Dazai's smirk.
Elise smiled. "That's not a problem, Hirotsu-sama! All I want is for you to use your ability to throw Dazai-sama in the air. Then he'll catch onto a branch, and bring the cat down! It's the perfect plan!"
"But Elise-chan, if Hirotsu did this, I would be pushed across the yard, and not up into the tree. We'd need the correct angle for this." Dazai said, seemingly unfazed with her suggestion.
"Besides, aside from launching Dazai-san in the air, I'd probably break a few of his bones as well." Hirotsu said, trying to dissuade Elise.
"Then just use one finger instead of your whole hand. I'll hold Dazai-san up, so that he faces the tree branches and the sky, then you poke him with one finger, and the cat will be brought down safely." Elise said.
"Can you really carry me?" Dazai asked, doubtfully.
Elise smiled. "Don't worry about me, I'm stronger than I look."
After a bit more arguing, Elise finally had her way. She hoisted Dazai up in the air, one hand on his back, and the other on the back of his knees. She wobbled a little. "Hurry, Hirotsu-san!"
After some hesitation, Hirotsu touched Dazai's back with one finger, and Dazai flew up into the air. He grabbed onto a branch and quickly swung himself around. He gently coaxed the cat into his arms, then looked down. "I have him." He called.
"Great!" Elise said, grinning.
"But how will you come down?" HIrotsu asked.
"I'll jump down!" Dazai called. Spread out your hand for me, Hirotsu-sama!"
And before HIrotsu has time to protest, Dazai is jumping down, the cat cradled in his arm sling, and his left hand outstretched. Elise let out a gasp. Dazai felt the wind rush past him, while narrowly avoiding branches. He carefully touched HIrotsu's hand, and caught on to it. With his ability cancelled out, Hirotsu brought Dazai down to the ground, safely.
Dazai handed the cat to Elise. "Here you go, you rascal."
"Thanks, Dazai-san!" Elise said, beaming up at him.
She quickly ran away with the cat. As Dazai started to leave, Hirotsu stopped him with a hand on his back. "I really didn't break anything?" He asked, doubtfully.
Dazai shook his head. "All I feel is a few aches, nothing that can't be healed with time and medicine."
"But-" Hirotsu started.
"Besides, I had on a bulletproof vest, and it absorbed most of the impact. Don't worry about me, Hirotsu-san." Dazai said, smiling, then excusing himself, and walking back.
Hirotsu watched him go, and wondered if Dazai foresaw even this event, or if he used the vest from his last mission. Either way, he worried about that boy, even if he didn't show it much. Dazai always walked with his head held high, but with a hint of tension in his shoulders.
He wondered if Dazai ever got tired from his work. After all, being the youngest mafia boss was a difficult matter, no matter how intelligent or cunning you were.
He could only hope that Dazai knew what he was doing.
5.
The fifth time Dazai fell, he was 18.
He had killed hundreds of people, stopped thousands of criminals, saved and destroyed the city time and time again, and he was getting tired.
Chuuya had noticed it of course, and tried his best to snap Dazai out of whatever funk he was in, but to no avail. There was a blankness in Dazai's eyes, a tightness in his smile, and tension in his shoulders. He put up a facade of course, and it fooled most people, but Chuuya was one of the few he couldn't fool.
They had been partners for a long time, so it was to be suspected, but it was a pain for Dazai. Chuuya kept throwing insults and asking what was wrong in the same breath. He'd look at him with a gaze full of hate and confusion and sometimes a little bit of worry, and Dazai didn't want to acknowledge that he was the reason Chuuya looked so distressed.
He couldn't.
So he smiled fake smiles and threw fake insults and occasionally patted Chuuya, but he never talked about what was bothering him. He kept everything to himself, accomplished missions satisfactorily, and locked himself behind closed doors after.
There were rare moments when Dazai would act more like himself, but it would always happen too fast. Blink, and Chuuya would miss it.
A small smile, Dazai's arm slung around his shoulders, a pat on his hat, a different glint in his eye. It never lasted more than a few seconds, and Chuuya wished he could make it last longer, but Dazai was always too good at detaching himself from his emotions.
It hurt honestly, even more than Chuuya would have expected.
But he can't leave Dazai alone.
So one day when he gets back from a mission, he has a bad feeling, and immediately goes straight to Dazai's room. It's empty, just as he thought it would be, and he quickly runs to find Mori-san.
"Dazai? He finished his mission early, and left an hour ago. He isn't back yet?" Mori asked, and Chuuya's feeling grows stronger.
"I'm going to look for him." Chuuya said, and left before Mori could say anything. It's irresponsible to run off like this, he knows, but he's willing to take any punishment as long as he can reach Dazai in time.
He runs across the city, looking through shops, through bars that Dazai sometimes visits, looking at the people all around him, but none of them is Dazai. He scans the tops of buildings, but Dazai isn't there. He runs a little faster, and he's faintly aware of his feet leaving the ground. Is he using his ability subconsciously? Is he that worried for Dazai that he's making himself lighter so that he can run faster?
It's a question he's a little afraid to answer.
Soon, he's reached the far side of town. He knows he's panting, but he needs to keep looking for Dazai. He straightened up, and glanced ahead, and saw a ferris wheel. He's about to ignore it and ask the people around him if they've seen anything, but then he sees a shadow falling from the top, and he's suddenly running faster. He uses gravity manipulation and doesn't take his eyes off the shadow at all. Then he's nearing it, and he can see bandages and a coat, and then he's nearer still, and Dazai is in his arms. He looks for an empty car on the ferris wheel, wrenches the door open, and throws the both of them inside, quickly closing the door behind him.
Once inside, he dumps the other on the seat, and collapses on the floor in front of him. Dazai blinked at him."Why, hello there, Chuuya."
Chuuya sits there, heaving, remembering another time Dazai had greeted them like this. "Bastard." He said, panting. "Mori-san told me you left an hour and 45 minutes ago. What the hell have you been doing?!"
"Out in the city. On top of the ferris wheel." Dazai replied, simply. "I should be asking you the same question, Chuuya. You look like you ran all the way here."
"That's because I did, idiot bastard!" Chuuya said, huffing.
Dazai's eyes widened slightly. He opened his mouth to speak, but this time Chuuya holds up a gloved hand and stops him. "No. Don't speak. I can't stand to listen to you. Just let me sit for a while, alright."
And he sits on the seat opposite Dazai, looking pointedly out of the window.
The other hums, and Chuuya focuses on the view outside. The city is spread out below him, and various lights are twinkling. The buildings are illuminated, and he can see people walking past in the streets. It's peaceful, a word Chuuya doesn't use very often, but it seems to suit the occasion.
If Chuuya glances to the side a bit, he can see Dazai's reflection in the glass. He's looking at him, a small smile on his face, and Chuuya's heart lurches a little bit, because it's actually a real smile this time.
Dazai's features look softer and more toned down in the glass, and it's a sharp contrast to how alert and serious Dazai looks sometimes.
It takes some time, but when their car is nearing the top, Chuuya spoke. "What's on your mind right now, Dazai?" He holds Dazai's gaze steadily, daring him to lie directly towards his face.
Dazai raises an eyebrow. "I'm thinking about how the city looks better at night. I'm also wondering how high this ferris wheel is. And I'm wondering why you ran all the way here."
"Probably 63 meters or something." Chuuya replied. "Can't you guess the answer to the last question?"
Dazai hummed. "I'd like to hear the answer from you, Chuuya."
"I needed to make sure you weren't doing something stupid." Chuuya said, bluntly.
Dazai laughed, but it was devoid of any emotion whatsoever. "I see."
Chuuya frowned. "No. No you don't."
Dazai raised a questioning eyebrow at him.
"I was... worried. I am worried. About you." Chuuya said, and oh, the words are so difficult to say, but Chuuya needs to say it, needs Dazai to understand. "Being the youngest Mafia Boss is hard, I know, and maybe you think I can't understand what you're going through. I probably don't understand everything, but I do know what it's like to kill someone, what it's like to be haunted by them, what it's like to ask yourself if you're just meant to do the same thing over and over, day by day. I know that you're bored, that you're tired, I'm tired too. But somehow, through the things that we do, we save others, Dazai. Even if we kill a lot of people, there are some that we save."
"Tell that to the dead ones." Dazai muttered. "This is why we're different, Chuuya. You still believe that there's a purpose to the Port Mafia, you can still feel, and have hope. You can still think about the dead ones with remorse, and look at the ones who are alive with pride. You don't detach yourself from emotions, but you don't let it cloud your judgement either. You still strive for something."
It's the most Dazai's said to him in how many months, and for a while, all Chuuya can do is sit and look speechless.
Dazai smiled, without mirth, and shrugged. "Me? I don't really feel anything anymore. And the things I do feel are muted, and they prick at my heart. Faces blur together, names, places, stories, families, lovers. We kill, we do everything successfully, we leave. It's redundant, and I'm just really... tired."
Sitting there, Dazai looks older than his years, eyes reflecting the turmoil inside him. Yet even now, he's sitting upright and holding his head high. Chuuya honestly wishes Dazai wasn't so good at hiding his pain.
Dazai looks distracted for a minute, but then he focuses his gaze. He looks at Chuuya. "Can I do something, Chuuya?"
"What?" Chuuya asked, looking at him with confusion.
"I'm going to do something, and if it makes you uncomfortable, stop me." Dazai said.
Chuuya frowned. "Oi, Dazai, what are you talking about?"
Dazai held his gaze. "Stop me, ok, Chuuya?"
Chuuya thinks he gives the barest of nods, but he isn't sure. Because suddenly Dazai is taking the glove off his right hand, and he gently sets the glove on the seat beside him. He holds his hand, and gently lowers his head. He kisses it.
Heat comes from Dazai's lips to the top of Chuuya's hand. Dazai gently turns it around and kisses the center of his palm, and the heat spreads. Dazai gently removes Chuuya's other glove as well, and does the same with his left hand. Then he presses feather light kisses to both of Chuuya's pulses on his wrist, and gently holds both of his hands in his own. He looks into Chuuya's eyes, and smile.
Chuuya can feel his face warming up. "D-dazai?"
"Stop me anytime." Dazai reminds him, then presses a kiss to his forehead. Then to the bridge of his nose, then to both of his cheeks, then to the tip of his nose. Chuuya doesn't think he's breathing anymore. Then Dazai hovers an inch away from Chuuya's lips, and he hesitates.
Chuuya breathes in and out again, and Dazai is watching his lips so intently, Chuuya feels as if he might combust or something. "Dazai." He said, and that's all Dazai needs to hear, before he leans in and kisses Chuuya gently on his lips.
The kiss is searing, but careful. Dazai gently lets go of Chuuya's hands in order to cup his face, and Chuuya uses the opportunity to wrap his hands around the area of Dazai's neck, and brings him closer. Dazai moves from his position on the seat and goes kneeling on the floor. They bump chests, and Chuuya tilts his head in order to deepen the kiss. Dazai's right thumb gently strokes Chuuya's cheek, and the other hand buries itself lightly in his hair. Chuuya's grabbing the back of Dazai's coat now, and moans. It's hard to think with Dazai so close to him, so he doesn't. Instead he focuses on Dazai's warmth, Dazai's smell, of antiseptic and salt and something else, something uniquely Dazai. The other always smells so bittersweet, but it suits him.
Dazai carefully licks Chuuya's mouth, and without hesitating, Chuuya opens it, in order to grant him more access. Their tongues meet and swirl around each other, and explore the other's mouths. Salivas mix, and teeth clash, and tongues tease. Chuuya can feel both of their hearts beating faster, and wonders why Dazai took this long to kiss him.
Oh right. They hate each other. Or at least that's the easiest word to use. Because Chuuya isn't exactly sure what this feeling is, the feeling that makes him breathless whenever Dazai touches him, makes his heart beat faster when Dazai is close to him, makes him long for Dazai when the other isn't near him.
It's a little bit scary, because Chuuya knows that this is the feeling that causes him to always run after Dazai, always worry about the other, and always think about the other. Dazai Osamu has taken over his life, but maybe it's always been like that.
Dazai Osamu has always been a part of his life, and Chuuya doesn't exactly mind.
After what seems like minutes or hours, but must have been minutes, Dazai pulls back. He wipes the string of saliva near Chuuya's chin, and kisses the spot. He moves backward, and looks at Chuuya with something akin to wonder.
It makes Chuuya blush, because Dazai's never looked at him like that, and his heart really can't handle it.
So he leans forward, and kisses Dazai again. They separate a little earlier this time, but Chuuya's hair is messed up, and Dazai's coat is wrinkled. They're both breathing heavily, and Chuuya honestly doesn't know what to say.
"Let me fix you up." Dazai said, gently taking his right hand and kissing his fingers before he puts on the glove. He does the same with the other hand, then kisses him on the forehead, while brushing back Chuuya's hair. His hand hovers near his head. "Do you really need this hat?"
"Bastard." Chuuya said, and Dazai smiled, and fixed the hat as well. Then Dazai leans back, but before he can fix his coat, Chuuya's hands are already there, doing it for him. When he's done, he pats the other's shoulders gently, and Dazai smiles and sits back on his seat.
They sit in silence for a while, until an attendant opens the door. Dazai steps out first, and holds out his hand for Chuuya.
"Such a gentleman." Chuuya snorted, and Dazai grinned as Chuuya took his hand and gently stepped out. They walk together, hands intertwined, and Chuuya is afraid of how happy he feels in this moment.
They walk through the city, occasionally bumping shoulders, and with every touch, Chuuya thinks his heart is going to burst out of his chest.
He feels so happy, that he wonders what the price for this night is. Whatever it is, he'll pay it, as long as Dazai stays.
And stay he does. He stays for the night, when they go to Chuuya's room, and Dazai shuts the door, and Chuuya jumps on him, and they kiss hungrily while discarding clothes. He stays for the morning, and kisses the tip of Chuuya's nose. Chuuya wraps his arms around tighter, wanting to stay in the moment for a long time. He stays for the day and the mission, and Dazai seems a little bit happier than before. Dazai stays for another night, and another day. He stays for a total of 6 months, before Mori-san tells Chuuya that he's been assigned a mission abroad, and it might be months before he returns.
That night, he explains it to Dazai between kisses and hugs and insults and touching. He leaves the next morning with a wave and Dazai kissing his hand, and him blushing and calling him a bastard. He leaves, and Dazai is the first thing he thinks about.
Then he comes back, and Dazai is gone.
(+1)
Dazai is 19, when he's faced with a choice.
He's never had a choice, he thinks, from his birth, to being in the Port Mafia, to being the youngest boss in history, to killing people, to living a life someone else told him to live. He's killed and he's hurt, and he's felt pain, and he's suffered, and he's loved, and it's the last one that hurts the most, because he still loves that person. But Chuuya has always believed in something greater than the both of him, and Dazai can't see the light anymore.
But with this choice, he might be able to see the light.
His life might start having a purpose again, and he might finally have control of his life. If anything, the choice is different from his life in the Mafia, and if he agrees, then he'll be able to save people.
It's a weird thought, but it's an exciting one as well, and something akin to adrenaline pumps in Dazai's blood.
He might have something to strive for as well, and he might finally turn his life around. And then maybe he can look at Chuuya without guilt, and tell him that he has something to fight for as well.
He loves Chuuya, but he's still scared of loving, because he still thinks he doesn't deserve to love. He's still in the control of the Mafia, and he can't really escape until he makes this choice.
There's consequences of course, there are always consequences, but in the end, Dazai would be gaining more things than losing. Besides, it's not as if he'll never see them again, the members of the Port Mafia that he considers a kind of family. He just won't see them for a while.
But if he takes this choice, if he chooses to step into the light, if he chooses to save instead of to kill, who knows how different Dazai's life can turn out to be? It's something new if anything, and Dazai has never been known for hating anything new.
He wants to take the risk.
"Wait for me, Chuuya." He whispered. He has an obligation to fulfill to his friend Oda, and for a minute, he thinks there's a future that's filled with light.
It's just in his reach. He steps forward and reaches for it.
He might trip and he might fall a lot of times, and he might make mistakes (which is highly unlikely, but still), whenever he does, he'll think about this moment.
The moment he decided to rise up against the universe and try for something that he never thought he could have.
Because after all, falling is the easy part. It's the getting back up part that's difficult.
But Dazai is willing to try.