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Sometimes Bucky is astounded by how much one can trick their own brain. Then he remembers all the things people can do to brains, their own or someone else’s, and stops being astounded. Still, even knowing all of it, more personally than anyone should, he can trick his own brain on occasion. His morning coffee is one of those things. Actually coffee has no physical effect on him. Zola’s knock off serum takes care of that; same as with Steve, his metabolism just works too fast. Furthermore, if he’s on mission and there’s no coffee to be had, he’s awake and alert on a moment’s notice, no problems at all.
And yet, here he is, sitting at Steve’s breakfast bar mid-morning, leaning his head on his hand, barely keeping his eyes open. Placebo effect at its finest.
Steve is pretty much the opposite, always has been, which is why even before the serum medication tended to work worse than usual on him. These days Steve still drinks coffee, but it’s mostly a habit, for the taste. Currently Steve is busying himself in the kitchen, efficient as people who have cooked a lot tend to be. The coffeemaker is on and the scent is drifting around the room. Outside it’s not snowing anymore, although there has been a decent accumulation of new snow since the previous afternoon.
Bucky zones out a bit and is only roused when Steve puts a steaming mug in his hand and drops a kiss on the part of Bucky’s hair while he’s at it. Bucky takes a sip of the coffee; two sugars, a splash of cream, perfect. Exactly like he makes it himself. He feels more alert already, even though he knows any of the coffee he’s had wouldn’t have had time to make it into his bloodstream. Yet the tiredness is whisked away.
Bucky’s eyes follow Steve who’s getting ingredients and pans out, all the while humming something. It’s a new habit, something Bucky didn’t know Steve does, but maybe it’s due to Steve just being more comfortable in his apartment than anywhere else. He is fairly tone-deaf, which doesn’t surprise Bucky at all.
He thinks back to the previous morning when he was having leftover egg rolls for breakfast and had never been in Steve’s apartment. Certainly had never even dared to think they could be more than friends. Now, a day later, he started the morning in the shower with Steve, and is being made breakfast. And all the while Steve is seemingly taking every chance he has to touch Bucky, who very carefully avoids pondering about it all too much. He knows what will come with that; guilt for having stayed away, guilt about his past in general, and he doesn’t want that, not this first morning. No doubt the guilt will be there later too, for him to try and work through.
Steve’s phone chimes and he makes a face seeing what it is. Not displeased, just complicated, and a tiny bit amused. “Nat’s at the door. I think we better let her in,” Steve says, and Bucky just waves his hand in agreement, drinks more of his coffee.
A minute later she breezes in, greets Steve with a grin and a peck on the cheek, and hands him a large box. “Here, I thought I’d invite myself for breakfast, so I brought cupcakes,” she says and then turns to look at Bucky while shedding her coat.
Bucky knows exactly how it looks; the both of them clearly have just got up and Bucky is still in his sluggish morning mode. He’s wearing a t-shirt that’s a weird fit since it’s stretched into Steve’s shape, and a pair of slightly too tight sweatpants, also Steve’s. Not to mention the tiniest hint of almost healed bruising down Steve’s neck, visible only if one knows how to look, but it’s Natalia. She doesn’t really need to see any physical evidence.
She hops onto the high chair next to him and Steve brings a cup of coffee for her as well. For all that she tends to prefer tea, her morning habit includes coffee, usually black with no sugar. She gives Bucky a very deliberate once-over that makes him squirm a bit, and then grins even wider and says, “I’m glad you finally got your shit together.”
It takes Bucky a moment to parse the sentence out, and another to realise it was because she spoke in Russian. The language still feels the most natural to him coming from her, more so than English. It’s a deliberate choice of language, a game really, since it’s not like it’s keeping Steve from understanding. Steve has enough Russian to make do in basic conversation, probably a good amount of fight related trash talk too, considering he picked it up first during the war and later Natalia herself has taught him more.
Steve is unpacking the box, clearly trying not to show how amused he is, and sighs as he takes a stock on the contents. “I guess I’m going to need to make a lot more eggs,” he says and shoots a mock glare at Natalia. He adds for Bucky’s benefit, “There are the ones with the weird sprinkles that Wanda likes, and the lime cupcakes that are Sam’s favorite.” Steve goes to get more food from the fridge after tapping his phone a couple of times, presumably to set the security system up so it’ll let the others in straight away.
Bucky spaces out a bit, only half listens to Steve and Natalia talking. He lets himself enjoy the warmth of coffee down his throat, the sight of Steve moving to and fro in the kitchen. It strikes him that it’s been less than eighteen hours since he first appeared in Steve’s apartment, and now he’s here, feeling like it’s home . It’s not something he’s felt like in ages, and it’s something that surprises him, even after he’d been so grateful to see that Steve seemed to finally have found it.
Sam and Wanda come in at the same time looking chilled to bone, and Steve laughs at them because it’s entirely their own fault. After all it’s not really a great idea to fly in the freezing temperatures, be it by jet pack of magic. Still he pours them mugs of coffee, fist bumps Sam and hugs Wanda. Then Steve shoos them all to make themselves useful, and Bucky, Natalia and Sam set the table, make toast and get everyone more coffee while Wanda helps Steve with the cooking. It’s all very efficient.
In no time at all everything is ready and they eat scrambled eggs with fried tomatoes, mushrooms and toast, and then dig into the cupcakes, Wanda’s weird sprinkles and all. It’s like any other gathering of their subgroup of Avengers, for all that it’s at Steve’s place and not some out of the way diner. The discussion moves from the latest tv-shows to the intricacies of assault rifles, while Wanda floats things around with her magic so that no one needs to rise before they’re all done.
Afterwards they clear out the table and load the dishes into the washer, and then Natalia, Sam and Wanda get going. Wanda hugs Bucky tight, which is a bit unusual, but he guesses it’s because he’s now made it into her closer circle with the shift in his and Steve’s relationship. She’s from the start been fairly close to Steve, and their rapport often feels like she’s basically his younger sister more than anything else. They’re both products of an experiment, signed up for both right and wrong reasons, and have come through good and bad things. She moves on to Steve, and Bucky notes she whispers something in his ear that definitely makes Steve blush, but after all, that’s another thing little sisters, biological or accidentally adopted, are for.
Sam claps Bucky on his shoulder and says, “Guess I’ll now have to drag Steve out of here if I want to hang out with just him,” his hint of a smile at odds with the mock irritation.
Bucky goes for very dry, “I’m sure that’ll be a terrible hardship for you.”
Natalia is next, cheerfully telling him, “I was happy to find you not being all sad sack at your place,” which explains why she’d shown up not at all surprised to find Bucky at Steve’s place. She continues, “Don’t screw this up.”
It’s a warning, but not of the “I’ll hurt you if you hurt him” kind, because it comes out fond. It’s true that she is in a way fairly protective of Steve, something that goes both ways, and she definitely wants Steve to be happy. It is a reminder instead, that Bucky shouldn’t let his past come between him and Steve, in a way that he has before. It’s a reminder, that even though he probably can’t mess it up, since Steve in this matter seems to be prepared to give him almost endless leeway, it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t step carefully. Because even if Steve is willing to be endlessly accommodating, it doesn’t mean he should have to.
Steve walks them out, because he’s a good host like that, and Bucky is left to contemplate on the morning, and how it was so very typical for their unusual little social group. Because logically, if one thinks their two friends have gotten together, the reaction probably should be to give them space and not invade their first morning spent together. Yet what happened wasn’t unexpected really, their group is a little odd sometimes about boundaries, but somehow they make it work. Granted, it does sometimes grate, and Bucky is sure he at one point or another will have to just walk people out through the proverbial door for a while, because there are limits on how much other people get to invade his privacy, no matter who they are.
Steve comes back and his smile has an edge to it that flutters inside Bucky, and he lets himself be pushed down onto the couch, Steve’s body heavy and warm on top of him, somehow making him feel perfectly safe. After a while Steve tucks his face against Bucky’s neck and settles down there, apparently comfortable. Bucky draws patterns on Steve’s back and lets himself enjoy how right being there feels for a while. But there’s also something that needs to be said, and he does.
“Steve?” He starts, because he’s not quite sure Steve is fully awake anymore, but he gets a hum by way of a reply, and continues, straight to the point. “I’m sorry I didn’t come here earlier. I know I should have, or at least I should have talked to you instead of half avoiding it. I had it in my head that things would change if I did.”
“Well, you were right about that,” Steve interjects, words buzzing against Bucky’s throat.
“Yeah, but I was terrified and I knew I had no reason to be. I was just making complications for myself, and it all kind of fell on you. So I am sorry.”
Steve, as accommodating as he’s been, doesn’t say it’s okay, doesn’t deny he was hurt by Bucky’s absence, and Bucky is grateful for that. He thinks otherwise the discussion might have evolved into an argument on how Steve gives too much of himself, and Bucky doesn’t want that, not now. Instead Steve tucks his hands a bit further under Bucky and holds tight for a few seconds and then says, “You’re here now, that’s what matters.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m really happy. About all of this,” Bucky says, and can practically feel Steve hesitating.
“Yeah, I, well. Me too,” is Steve’s less than eloquent reply.
Bucky threads his fingers into Steve’s hair and smiles to himself. It’s so familiar, the way Steve sometimes just trips on his words when he needs to say something important or heartfelt. It only happens when it’s very personal, which is why it’s a far cry from how he seems to find the right words to say to people when he’s being Captain America. It’s one of the reasons why Bucky likes it so much, because it means Steve has let his guards down, has let him close.
They’re both nearly asleep when Bucky’s phone buzzes in his pocket, and he fishes it out with a little difficulty, since Steve’s clearly decided not to move unless he absolutely has to. When he’s focused his eyes on the screen, he gets another proof that news travel fast. It’s from Tony and it says, Here’s a link to download the app for Steve’s security system, since you’re going to need it.
All Steve says when he sees it is, “He’s not wrong,” and settles back down, kisses Bucky on the corner of his jaw.