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if the shore is safer than the sea why do i want to stay far from this life is really worth living my cat looks at me carelessly she doesn't know what is happening in my head me being near her is enough is this what they mean when they say real happiness? the closeness the silence the intimacy that lays sharing seconds, eras of time made of small movements breaths blinks my fingers brushing against the sheets the body twirling searching coolness during this hot summer night i'm thinking of you.
is Virgin Mary able to hear my pleas afterall she's a mother trying her best the struggle shakes her body her soul every night it prevents her from being the mother she yearns to be. Her children are endless and their supplications echoe reverberate in her veins they get lost they mutate from a thought to a word to a liquid-like blood she tries not to have it dripping out of her avoiding any form of danger of physical pain. her children pray she listens she shivers while hearing such worships such kindness how can she make them a reality she is so alone.
a woman.
selfishly i want her to only listen to me, i pray for you, i, every night, every morning, pray for you, i, every time i see a church, i, in front of any Holy Mother statue, pray for you. A devotion that will never be delivered to you, a drop in this universe, the wind who moves the sand. i want to blind you. do my grains of sand ever insinuate in your eyes? do you think of me? do you hear my prayers? She conveys them?
i'm thinking of you, I'm thinking of you, you? i haven't spoken to you in months, and you? you think about me too? do you think of me at the sunset? when your skin gets kissed? at the golden hour, do i ever come up in your mind? do you think of me when you see a stray animal? do you feel the need to pet it? was i not docile enough when you tried to love me tenderly the first time?
are you sleeping well? is the shoulder still bothering you? do you sing in the shower?
do your hands tremble, alone in our bed? you feel alone? is there a void? are there new ears learning about your day?
i want to rip them.
Mary, listen to me, my words are sincere. in this prayer-filled sea, please, if you can, pick mine up. protect my lover for whom i'm nothing but a memory. albeit afar. or a bothering, an eyelash in the eye, a pebble inside the shoe, a summer that became too hot.
listen to me, Mother, in this tear filled august, my cat's purrs is everything i can offer you. am i still able to be loved, right? just, not from him. not from my lover.
and while i'm still thinking about him , please, bring him my communion. a stroke of the hand, a loving breeze, basil's perfume.
a book i never gifted him that lays in my closet. dead. but not my prayer, which will never die. never my prayer.
Your son, Mark,
Amen.