Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

In good fashion of a successful performance, it was no surprise that they found themselves going to a bar to celebrate and let the liquor ferment their jubilation further.

It was hard to let the night wind down, however. Everyone was shouting and cheering, shoving Pac along as they made their way into the parking lot under the audience of stars above, but Fit was still buzzing and humming with an energy he was taken by surprise from. The vibrations of the guitar in his hand from the quickened melodies in strong vigor, Pac’s rasping but shouting voice always melodic and powerful… And the cheering call that Fit had started, soon joined by the other members on stage and then the audience to backup to Pac, seeing the man’s eyes glow with emotion and tears as he piled every ounce of his soul into the performance.

And Fit knew why. He had seen the man with icy eyes; that had caused the bruise that had lingered for only a few days around his eye. He remembered scowling into the mirror, curling his fingers into fists as his bitterness at being ousted by him almost put him into his own shame. But quickly came the memories of Pac standing up for him, teeth bared in a smile and eyes in a darker tint that Fit didn’t even see for himself. It was furious, angry, maybe even filled with hatred as he followed it with venomous spats that seemed to keel Cellbit right in his tracks.

Most of all, however, it was protective. Strong, powerful, not daring to let anyone hurt Fit because of how much he cared for him. And it was the same feeling he got when Pac was singing to the blue-eyed man in the crowd, the loud smashing of the guitar that made everyone gasp. Fit felt it in his chest briefly before it was swamped in nothing but pride, catching the significance with the triumph in Pac’s gaze afterwards. And it only grew tenfold when the man in the crowd turned away, leaving for good as Pac’s fists were pumped to the sky in a jubilation that lit every single feature on his face.

And so when Fit followed behind them, catching Pac’s eyes and his sheepish smile while the girls rightfully fawned over him, all Fit could do was smile back and nod silently to him. The only gesture he was able to do without doing something completely unpredictable and dangerous, despite the yearnings to wrap him up and stare down into his eyes, to let him know he was seen, loved so much more than he probably expected…

He deserves to be celebrated tonight. His first night after moving on from the man that truly fucked him over. I can tell that things have changed. And he deserves to celebrate it how he wants to. 

But Fit was pleasantly surprised when they piled into Tina’s smaller car, which resulted in both of them piling into the back and Pac’s thigh brushing against his at every stoplight and making his breath stop until the flicker of neon green above them, and instead made their way to a familiar spot in the city instead of the bustle of further downtown. Tucked away beside restaurants and under quieter humming lights that were in full splendor for the weekend’s activities, the cacophony of early summer releases of school and colleges were heard in the far distance when Tina parked up next to a crackling sidewalk with obvious wear from many feet pounding around. 

Fit couldn’t help a smile as he opened his door and slid out, rubbing his face that still had residual sweat clinging to his brows from their performance as he watched Bagi and Tina loop their arms around each other, barging in with shouts and hollers that made him huff, holding the door open for Pac to squeeze in after with a grateful smile that made the golden butterfly appear in his gut; warm and fluttering even as the door shut with a jingling bell. Nothing like going to a place that feels like home to celebrate the very successful performance we had. 

It was quieter in seldom mahogany, bliss caught in the orange hues of lantern lighting as the rounded bar in the center of it all made Fit’s chest clam up with nostalgia. Guests turned their head to the sudden shrillness of the girls, brows wrinkling from mild distaste of a briefly ruined stillness, but Fit couldn’t find that familiar snarl in his gut that would sneer at the stares or belittle the oglers, even if it was innocent. All he did was smile quietly, watch the girls go up and shout the owner’s name with the vigor of reuniting with a longtime friend, and it felt like it all slid into place. Like a soft click, accompanied by Pac that lingered next to him and watched the girls with a loving smile that returned after what felt like months of being shrouded in darkness. The natural light that slipped back onto his face made everything feel like it was spinning again; like the world was rightened at last.

Underneath the spin there was a gentle, quiet whisper. Fit could hear it in the back of his head within the welcome atmosphere, a soft promise and a relief that sent the soothing pulses through every inch of muscle that made him ease. He couldn’t remember the last time his shoulders hung so loosely, his body practically sagging in its release, but the whisper was there; the reason that he could finally relax. 

Belonging. This is where I belong. This is where we belong. We’re here at last. Celebrating our future, taking care of everything in our past and leaving all of the negatives behind us. Letting ourselves come back out to the light and celebrating the person we’ve regained. Who’s loved despite it all. That’s what this is.

The clouds around his head dissipated with the parting rays of the relief, letting Fit walk closer and tune back into the world around him. And the world around him was shrill with his sister’s voice, Tina and Bagi simultaneously harmonizing in their call for the bartender they warmly greeted, “Phiiiiiiil! We’re homeeee!”

The mentioned man looked up from his discussion with his coworker behind the roundtable bar, the two of them sharing a bemused look before Etoiles slid off, letting Phil come forward to greet them as they all took up the other end of the bar with Bagi and Tina hopping into the stools that creaked and squeaked with their vigorous shifting. As Fit circled around to take one end, Pac on the other to trap the girls between them, Phil leaned across to them with his arms folded and a crooked smile on his face, dirty blonde hair ruffled from the night’s work as he mused to them brightly alongside a slow-peeling grin, “Well, there you guys are. Was wondering if you’d come by. I’m honored to be your bar of choice after the success you had tonight. I saw the livestream; you all fucking killed it.”

He shuffled over and clasped Pac’s shoulder, the raven-haired man looking startled when the older flashed him another smile, akin to a proud father under the orange glow when he added warmly, “Especially you, Pac. That was real stardom, mate. You’re gonna be so big one day. I’m so excited for you, well done.”

Pac was definitely flustered from the sudden praise, the pink flush on his face folding around his sheepish grin that tugged his cheeks up, making the golden butterfly in Fit’s gut flutter up to his chest in bolstering heat as Pac murmured softly, words jumbled by his humbled hush, “Thank you, Phil. That really means a lot.”

Phil’s smile was radiant, matching the light in Fit’s chest as he could feel his own chin and chest puff out with pride at Pac’s deserved praise. But Bagi slouched forward, pale hands grasping for Phil’s with Tina grabbing forward as well, her fingers fumbling more for her girlfriend’s while Bagi drawled out, “Yes, yes, we’re very incredible and tonight was fucking awesome for so many reasons you don’t even know, but we’re here for drinks! We’re here to celebrate! Not a huge crowd here tonight?”

Phil blinked in brief surprise as he followed her ramble before his expression fell into his naturally humored smirk, shaking his head and leaning on the folded arms across the bar before jerking his head to a figure off in the distance, setting up a microphone stand and tuning the guitar in their grasp. “Nah, but we got a coming-up artist performing for a good chunk of the night. Calmer vibes. Hope you weren’t looking for a party.”

We already had one. Fit’s brain flashed over the evening again; the guitar vibrating in his hands from the intensity, the echoing call at the end of the song, Pac’s warm gaze on his with the widest smile he had ever seen… There was a brief spin in his head, feeling the exhaustion now leaking into his body and making his shoulders droop as he chuckled, shaking his head and speaking gently, “This is perfect, actually, thank you. A good way to wind down.”

”Wind down! Boo! Boring! Not me!” Tina whirled off of her seat, the grabbing hands wrestling to grasp onto Bagi’s shoulder and arm to drag her out of her seat after getting served a bubbling pink drink, same to one set out for Tina. But the two girls stumbled away without their beverages, Bagi’s eyes wide when Tina’s hands went to her waist, grinning as she tugged her along. “Come on! We’re dancing together! I’m showing off my beautiful girlfriend!”

Bagi yelped alongside a blushing flare now pluming across her skin, but her laughter was soon drawn away and filled out beside the gentle strumming of a guitar as Fit watched them find their place in the middle of the dance floor, Tina’s hands remaining on her waist and Bagi’s looping around her neck. He watched the burning flush of Bagi’s face, the way she hid it into Tina’s neck as they shared in their giggles when one of her hands went to Bagi’s pale hair to tug her closer. They melded together perfectly; a beautiful harmony always there and now at its highest reach with them finally embracing the other. 

Fit could feel the twist in his chest as he watched them, the effortless love and care spinning between them without a moment’s hesitation even in the public scene. He glanced around, most of the eyes aimed away and focused on their dinners as they let the hidden couple bask in their own world. There were stings in his chest that burned in his blood, the joy and pride for the two covering up the bitterness and jealousy that was buried deeper within. If only it could be that easy. This could be played off as something just between close friends if desired, but if I went up there with the man I loved… So many heads would turn. People would speculate. It would put us in the limelight. In danger of judgement and spreading like wildfire because of our popularity.

But do I actually care about that? Would I actually care enough to refuse being with him if I had that chance to be that close to him? His eyes drifted out to Pac, who had moved to the other end of the bar to watch his friends with a swelling amount of adoration and love that took over his beaming smile. Fit could feel the yearn in his chest as it reached for him, reached to hold him just as closely as the girls did with each other and finally spill the words that were buried deep in his chest. The way his dark hair bounced with the light in opposing but melding tones, the returning glow of his eyes that had been missing for so long coming back as he watched his friends, FIt being one of the people to have the glowing eyes on him…

It was the vicious burn when his eyes had stared at him at the party, the feeling swooping and dropping in his chest once again as the fire from previous touches festered right under his skin again. His breath hitched, clutching his arms tightly as his heart sped up once again as he averted his eyes to stare down at the faint quiver in his hands instead. There was no question at all, no hesitation with his answer. No. I wouldn’t care what anyone else thought. I would have him. I would go out there and dance with him and not give a shit about who saw. Because he’s worth it. He’s worth everything. And I would be lucky to have him in any way.

There was a shift next to him, making Fit jump as a bottle was suddenly nudged up next to him in a chilling touch that shocked his system out of its stupor. He blinked up in surprise at Phil’s knowing smile across from him, his fingers twitching to nudge it again as he offered, “How about you, mate? Usual beer?”

Fit stared at the nozzle and the sweating moisture already fogging up the inside and out, blinking to focus before clearing his throat and grabbing the bottle’s neck with a slow nod, brushing the opening and getting the oaky scent within his nose before taking a sip, leaning back into familiarity with its rich taste as he mumbled around his swallow, “Thank you, man.”

Phil let out a low hum, but it was a cadence that made Fit’s shoulders tense slightly. It was a knowing noise, one paired by keen blue eyes he caught out of the corner of his eye and soon heard him shifting up beside him, once again leaning against the bar on the other side in a casual slope as he spoke at last, a gentle but intent gleam within his gaze, “How are you doing, Fit? It seemed like tonight was a blast. I don’t think I’ve seen you have that much before.”

Fit could feel a natural stir in his chest, a retort of his older self that would’ve bitten back and tried to shut this all down before it went in a direction he didn’t want to tread. But instead, his eyes shifted out to the bobbing form of his bandmate beyond, the man’s eyes shining as he continued to watch Bagi and Tina giggling with each other. And so Fit let the feelings rest like the last vibrant twang of a guitar, reverberating and warm in acceptance instead when he chuckled at last and resigned. “It was probably the most fun I’ve ever had, honestly. Pac was a fucking star. It was incredible to be there beside him.”

He caught the slight arch in Phil’s eyebrows and cleared his throat, taking a swig of the beer to try and dampen down the rush of thuds in his chest as he used the neck of the bottle to gesture the blunt bottom to the rest, waving it off as best as he could. “And, uh, everyone else too. That performance, though… It really was his best one yet. Our best one, truly; that energy in the stadium was so infectious, it’s gonna last us for a while. It’s just gonna keep going up from here.”

Phil seemed to contemplate his words for a moment, taking a long swig of a bottle Fit heard him pop open with a solid thud. He glanced aside at him, seeing the brewing thoughts in his eyes, and he could feel the slide of tension grinding down on his shoulders again, making his gaze linger on his face expectantly and with a nervous twinge in his gut. Phil and I haven’t been as close as we used to be, but if someone were to still read through me even after everything… It would be him. He just… Knows things.

But Phil finally seemed to relent, the easy smile on his face turned to Fit before he raised his bottle to tap it against his, the cheer letting out a satisfying clink soon drowned out by the lulling guitar that had taken over the space. Fit turned to his warm gaze, to the supportive and proud eyes remaining unwavering. “Good shit, mate. I’m glad you’ve found a place you belong. I can tell that it’s been good for you. It’s been really cool seeing you open up to them all, but especially Pac over there.”

The slide towards the elephant in the room added another line of tension along Fit’s shoulders, but his heart instinctively softened with the mention of the man beyond. A gushy feeling, one that still had him wrapped as he rubbed the back of his neck with a moisture-sprinkled hand from his beer as he chuckled, glancing back at the other three and letting his affection seep out for all of them, “Yeah. They… They all helped me with that. It’s nice to feel like… Not just feel like I belong, but feel like I’ve become who I was meant to be. Be more of myself. And actually be a version of myself that I like. That… Might be worth something.”

Someone that could be worth having around. That could have friends, a family. Fit’s heart cycled, flipping around as he watched Bagi unravel from Tina to tug Pac into their dancing fray. He saw the man’s eyes widen when her hand wrapped around his wrist, heard the excited squeal from Tina before all three of them were a mess of limbs and light radiated from their grins. It was the brightest sight in the room, Fit’s heart vaulting in circles again seeing the natural grin spreading wide over Pac’s features, grabbed at and swooned over by the girls with his infectious beam. Someone that might actually be okay to fall in love with. Who might be worthy of it at last.

He could feel the intense gaze on him again from the blonde man beside him, the one pulling him apart like always. Phil’s eyes were knowing when Fit dared to glance at him, but he couldn’t even turn away as his resolve melted through, Phil’s voice knowing but probing him gently when he spoke, “He means a lot to you, doesn’t he? He’s changed your life so much, I can tell. And the way you look at him tells me that there’s something a little deeper than what was there before. Very intense, very strong.”

Am I really that obvious? Fit’s chest felt siphoned in, grasped by all of the knowing stares and smiles he could feel from the eyes closest to him. And yet Pac’s gaze was excluded in blissful unknowing- but it had its own tension lines within it, his own flares of emotions behind it all that he could still feel paired with his breath close on his face. It caused more friction on his chest, causing it to splinter quietly as he clutched his jaw. It only goes so far if it’s just one-sided. And even miraculously, somehow, if he really did feel the same for me… Would he risk it after everything recently? I don’t think he would.

But I can’t let him destroy himself if that’s what happens if he tries to be with me. I can’t let him fall. I won’t. He’ll always come first to me, no matter what I feel. And if that means keeping quiet… I have to keep it quiet, then. Even if all I want to do is tell him and finally get my feelings out…

With Phil’s burning stare across from him, paired by the distant sounds of joy coming from his friends, he could feel the increase in his heartrate again as the man spoke, calculated and careful while also being heavy with intensity through it all, “I think he’s good for you, Fit. He’s a real good influence. I’d sit here and say he’s made you a better person, but you did that yourself. But I can only assume something, or someone, encouraged you to do that. To make those steps in becoming the person you wanna be, I know you wouldn’t have done it yourself. And that’s fine, I get it. But that just shows how much you care for him; how much he means to you.”

“Why the hell are you calling me out, man?” Fit could feel the words coming from him before he could stop it, a hint of his old defensiveness creeping through but allowing a thin smile to drape his lips from the pathetic humor of it all. He gestured with his drink again, pointing the top nozzle at Phil in accusation as he let out a heavier chuff that made his chest clench, his heart sputtering again as it tried to work with his brain to register Phil’s words. “Can’t a guy drink his beer in peace? I feel like everyone close to me can see it all and are pushing me to the edge. To doing something I probably shouldn’t do. I don’t know if I appreciate this.”

Phil shrugged, the emotions behind his eyes unrelenting as he watched Fit take a much longer swig of his drink than normal, letting the acidic but heady burn coat his throat before Phil let out a quieter sigh, palms up in an innocent gesture before he spread them across his bar again, orange globes of light dancing on his pale hair and across the splayed skin. “Just saying how it is, man. It’s clear both of you care about each other a lot, and we can all see it. I think we’re trying to give you both the nudges you need. You’re good for one another.”

The nudges we both need. It was a strike in Fit’s chest, a threatening cord that dared to dangle the hope around his fluttering heartbeat. But he clamped down his mind as best as he could, hoping the iron jaws would reciprocate down to the mess his heart remained as he let out a bitter chuckle, his eyes shifting back to the lean frame spinning Tina around, holding her with a weightless touch that he knew would stop him dead in his tracks if he was the one in his hold when his words came out heavy and knowing with the same circular thoughts rampant in his head, “I don’t know about that. I don’t think he’d like a guy like me. He’s too good to me. Too good for me.”

“Don’t know until you try, right?” Phil popped another bottle, but he slid it down to a different customer instead and flicked his fingers in a gun gesture when they gave him a cheering motion in thanks. But his attention was soon back on Fit, unrelenting in its intensity just as before as the faint hook of a smile pulled at one of the corners of his mouth. “Don’t backtrack on yourself just because of these feelings; you’ve made a lot of progress and have become the guy I really knew you were all along. You aren’t suppressed anymore by a dick so stuck in his own self-loathing; both yourself and your old relationship. It’s a different person this time. It’s not like what it was before with someone who tore you down further and put you in even more shit. It’s Pac.”

It’s Pac. Phil said it like it was the easiest thing in the world, the most obvious thing that made his heart fill with heat and burn much like the club night from weeks back, his eyes lifting up to drift back to Pac. He was settling back in his seat, breathless in laughter and glowing directly under a lightbulb as he sent a cheer to the two girls spinning away, his fondness and love abundant as ever even with his breathless shimmer. A man who radiated light and possibility; a man who went through it all and still came out with the brightest smile in the world with nothing but kindness and patience to offer everyone.

The man who saw Fit before he even saw himself and gave him a chance despite the efforts to push him away. Who waited so patiently despite Fit’s jagged edges. The man who made Fit truly believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a sprinkle of hope for them. It’s Pac.

Fit let out a ragged breath he didn’t realize was pent up in his chest from the swelling emotions, his lungs serrated from the lack of air. He could feel the pulls, the tugs in his chest as for a moment there was a spur. Something within him, the quiet tug in his hands to reach for something so beyond him but were willing to try anyway. At the stir of his idea, of actually stepping forward to speak, his heart was kicking up even faster as it rushed the alcohol through him, making his insides curl. Would I actually? Am I actually… Considering it? Telling him? Confessing? I can’t be that stupid, can I?

Or maybe I am. Maybe, just like that club night, I’d rather burn more than extinguish myself. Maybe it’s worth trying to have some fire in our lives after so much ice froze us both over. Maybe it’ll be worth the risk. It would be- if it went well. 

There was a gentle hand on his shoulder, rounding out and clutching it in a firm but grounding hold. Fit slowly dragged his eyes up to Phil, seeing the kind smile on his face before he pulled back and started to drift away, returning to his job but sticking around to speak to Fit softly, “You’re doing real good, mate. Don’t stop now. Don’t give up on the hope you’ve fought so hard for. You really deserve more than you think you do. I would know.”

He would, wouldn’t he? It was a soft spot sucker-punched through him, one that filled Fit with a mix of melancholy and gratitude as he shot him a weak smile and reached out to briefly squeeze his wrist before his hand retreated, his voice filled with sincerity even as it sang low and soft amongst the background, “Thanks, Phil. It… It means a lot.”

His old friend offered him one last signature smile, one that wrinkled his cheeks and pinched the bright blue eyes before he was lost to the clamor, making his way around the bar to his waiting customers. Fit traced his finger along the tip of the bottle before glancing back over to where Pac was; the girls had left the center area for now, a bit more of a softer song playing, but even with the hushed environment it seemed to wrap around Pac and suck him right into the soulful atmosphere. He blended in, the dark hair splashing around his faint smile Fit could still see from here, and the whole scene once more made his chest buzz and hum, all of him full with the trickles of hope trying to outweigh the doubt that had culminated for years.

If anyone were to know anything, it would be Phil. He really has seen me in my bests and worsts, just like these guys have. He let out a quiet sigh, finishing out the last of the bottle before nudging it away, close to the other side to leave its empty bearing ready to pick up. He could feel the burn in his fingers, making them numb with their yearning as he could only stare across the bar to the man his heart thudded for. Despite it all his feet felt heavy, and he stayed right where he was as his eyes slipped shut. But this is… This is so much more. More vulnerable. More intense. And I still don’t know if risking everything we’ve built up, everything we just got back, would really be worth the potential heartache. 

God, I need to stop letting everyone make me feel so hopeful. It’s like everyone knows something I don’t- and maybe they do. But I don’t think I like that. I just want it to be us. I just want to know if it would really be worth it. 

But he wasn’t able to linger by himself much longer, because as the songs changed there was a frame now suddenly partially in his lap and draping her arms around his neck, a harsh clasp of his shoulder signifying another presence right behind him. He paused, staring down at his sister in his lap that gave him a beaming grin, the evidence of alcohol tinting her eyes and tilting her lips up but still having enough control of herself as she mused out her greeting, “Hello, broody. Mister broodster. Big man brood.”

“That’s rude,” Fit commented with an undercurrent of a snicker laced into his words, arching an eye at his sister and reaching forward to pinch her arm. Tina yelped, and there was a firm smack across his shoulder from Bagi looming behind him, startled into a laugh and triumphant grin when he glanced back to see her blue eyes rolling but her expression warm and soft. It reciprocated in Fit’s chest, easing a little with the familiarity and the warmth for the two of them. Even though I’ve been focused on how much Pac has changed me, I can’t deny that these two have been a big part of my life too. I’m grateful for them always- even if they’re that stupidly in-love couple that sometimes makes people roll their eyes or want to vomit.

“You cannot be mad at me for observing and speaking the truth,” Tina declared with a booming certainty, her regal features instantly clashed by her finger earnestly poking into his chest and finding the divot where his collarbones met. He let out a startled cough from its intensity, blinking quickly at Tina’s grin remaining but looking more coy and challenging when she aimed it at him. ”You’re sitting here and brooding with a very sad man-baby face and not dancing and celebrating the kick-ass night we had.”

Fit did his best to try and let her tipsy drawl slide, but it was extremely hard with her girlfriend’s muffled laughter right next to his ear as her giggles were muffled into her hand. He narrowed his eyes back into his sister’s smug face, gesturing to the very few couples slow-dancing out in the empty space as he observed bluntly, “It’s not exactly dancing music. Not sped-up in celebration like you would expect, at least.”

“I would say it’s great music to dance to depending on the context,” Tina mused haughtily, waggling her eyebrows in a way that made Fit finally decide to shove her off of his leg she had occupied, stumbling away with a yelp and quickly caught by Bagi as her arms shot under hers to lift her back up, soon straightening out and pointing an accusatory finger when she was safely nestled into her girlfriend, a pitch of accusation around her laughter, “I’m just trying to help! You’re so damn droopy! It’s really sad and pathetic and you look like a really sad puppy by itself!”

“I’m not droopy! Or a sad puppy!” Fit protested, the threat of Tina’s words dwindling with each giggle and snuffled laughter from Bagi still beside her, the two girls bumbling in their own world of laughter while Fit swelled and felt his ears burn with indignation. He gestured to the seat he was in before out to the world beyond, hand splayed in exasperation. “I’m happy! I’m content! I’m just cherishing the evening and winding down because it was so intense. Am I not allowed to do that?”

“Not by yourself! That’s sad!” Tina pressed again, waggling her finger in front of his face again as it was studded with gold and silver rings. She placed her extra hand on her hip, Bagi’s arm looping through to hold onto her waist as the two of them watched him groan and wave his hand, flipping them off and turning back to the bar with a resigned expression Etoiles did nothing for but snicker quietly in the distance, moving even farther away from the teasing squabbles. Fit casted him a desperate glance, but seeing that he was on his own simply turned back to them, chest puffed and chin jerked in a slight challenge.

Tina’s face was ablaze in a grin, but there was a shift as Bagi was suddenly unwinding from Tina, carefully sitting down on the stool in front of him as their knees bumped against each other casually in a much quieter shift of energy Fit could only blink in response to. Bagi reached a hand forward, but let her fingers tap an intricate and meaningful melody beside him as she offered him a knowing smile, one that made Fit’s insides curdle again before her words were even spoken, deliberate and pointed, “I think what she means is that there’s someone who would probably love to dance with you. And I know you’re dying to dance with him; we’ve seen your longing glances throughout the night. We know you want to.”

The ice seemed to claw around Fit’s chest again, dimming out the burn that was festering for Pac in slow but grueling increments that inched across his bones. He curled his hands into fists, drawing them away from Bagi and tucking them more into himself as he glanced past behind her shoulder, seeing Pac’s loitering form before letting out a weak sigh, shaking his head in defeat. “I… I can’t.”

“Why not?” Bagi urged, her words less forceful and accusatory than Tina’s. There seemed to be genuine confusion and true bewilderment when she blinked at Fit. Tina was more subdued now, sitting down on Bagi’s lap instead and wrapping herself up more closely in hers as she blinked at her brother as well. Both of them seemed more mellowed, more concerned when their eyes met Fit’s again. “You two care about each other. I mean, even regardless of things, you’re friends. It shouldn’t be weird.”

The way they tampered down, showing true and sober interest especially on Bagi’s end with her quiet but intent eyes on him, Fit could feel the shackles slowly unwinding from his clutches and let out another sigh, letting them falling away as he glanced back out at Pac as his concerns spilled out at last, barren and open out as if they were exposed out onto the empty dance floor beside them, “I don’t know if it’s… Right. I mean, he’s just starting to heal and find himself again after the worst person in his life, his ex mind you, fucked him up again. I can’t- I don’t want to throw him into another possible relationship. Or stress him out that way. I can’t do that to him. I don’t want to reawaken him or pursue anything he may not want.”

Tina wrinkled her nose, obvious thoughts written on her face, but she seemed to stay quiet under Bagi’s hand as it reached for her thigh and squeezed. As Tina’s eyes remained on Bagi’s hand instead, blinking quickly with a faint flush from the touch, Bagi was looking back up at Fit with a surprising amount of gentleness he was still startled by. He would never forget her malice and anger from before, laced with suspicion when they first met, but it was easy to space away when she was looking at him so fondly, so full of understanding when she lamented gently, “I get it, Fit. The stress of everything with those emotions, not knowing if it’s the right thing for you or if it’ll mess everything up. But do you really know if it’s the right thing until you try? Would you rather just live the rest of your new blossoming life with this fear? Did you ever think it might be something he wants? That he’s ready for, even after everything? Maybe it’s what he needs. I’m not saying it is or isn’t, but you don’t know.”

She reached forward again, balancing Tina as she wrapped her arm around her waist to keep her on her lap but using her other hand to drape over Fit’s. It was an anchoring touch, solid and steady as she lightly squeezed the faintly curled knuckles that his hand had exposed with his fist. She was just as certain, just as calm and thoughtful with her smile as her blue eyes met his. “You won’t know until you try, Fit. I know you’ve done some scary things recently, and I know this can be terrifying; it’s probably the most terrifying thing, honestly. But I think I’m one to say that it is absolutely worth it. It’s worth it to at least try.”

Tina’s expression softened, leaning over and closing her eyes to press a deep kiss to Bagi’s cheek as her gaze filled with understanding when her eyes opened back up. There was a shared moment when they met each other’s eyes, a long stare that made even Fit’s heart ache as he could clearly see the love between them; the months of waiting, of yearning, and the strife that eventually led them to where they were now. Fit felt a faint smile on his face watching them; for all of the teasing, he could feel his own love for them pulse softly. They went through it too; that uncertainty, that fear, especially with Tina and how it all exploded out of control. But they took the leap, she tried anyway, and look where that’s gotten them. They’re proof that maybe it’s worth it to take the leap; to let yourself burn. If only Pac and I could be half as lucky.

Tina’s expression melted even further, sharing a quick kiss with Bagi before snuggling more into her, turning her head out to blink at her brother and give him a faint but shining smile, her eyes filled with understanding and promise. Her voice was soft, goading and encouraging as she nudged him forward. “Go get him, Fit. I promise you it’ll be okay. The leap is worth it.”

The leap is worth it. There was a knowing look to both of their eyes that made Fit’s chest spurt with loose sparks once more, waiting to see if there was any elaboration. But when they only gave him twin smiles, knowing with eyes glowing, he let out a long sigh and rose himself out of his seat, shaking his head with a weak smile aimed at both of them before he grumbled, his lips still upturned, “Thanks, guys. I hate you, by the way. And if this ends horribly, I’m coming back and ordering another drink just to pour it on you two.”

“We love you too,” Bagi mused with a grin, Tina giggling as she slipped back further into her girlfriend’s hold and shot Fit a brighter smile, filled with her familiar mischievous glint once again. Bagi’s eyes were glowing however, a different shine to them that made Fit’s guts quietly tug to the side when she brushed him aside in a gesture with her hand, laughing gently with her own encouraging grin. “Now go dance with him! No one should be dancing alone! The leap is worth it!”

Fit reached to shove them away, and Bagi was swatting his hand back while she kept Tina tucked away as she squealed, everyone erupting into bouts of laughter before Fit moved away, letting them delve back into their own little bubble as Tina happily nestled into Bagi, the two girls entwined in what seemed close to a permanent embrace. Fit paused in his walk to study them one last time before turning away, the quiet smile remaining on his features. They really deserve this. They deserve each other. I’m glad they both found that happiness with each other; they’re perfect for the other.

But then he was turning to the man in the distance; to the halo of light surrounding Pac and the soft, content smile gently lifting his cheeks and making his brown eyes brighter as he watched the performer with a fondness that seemed nostalgic with a mist to his eyes. It was the glow of light around him that snuck into his warm, warm brown eyes and made them into slips of amber and orange-gold. It all hitched in Fit’s mind, spinning and spinning until his heart was nothing but sucked into the funnel, his world teetering as his heart pounded with the decision slowly working around his mind. 

We deserve something good too. I don’t know if that’s together, but… Everyone’s right. I would regret not doing this. I… I have to try. I want to try. For him. For us. For that chance to be happy together. The leap could be worth it.

And as he started walking towards him, towards the decision making him nearly dizzy with his thudding heart, he could practically feel all of their memories flashing together once again in a crescendo making his heart speed up with each single flash. Their first meeting in a booth far behind them, the first practices, their performances… Pac’s determination when they found him underground, when he stuck by him despite Fit’s yells. When Fit walked with him under willow trees, when they all fell apart. When they came back together. When the club lights blinded them, but all he could feel was Pac’s breath and his touch, wanting nothing else but to be there forever.

The recent sobs. The recent hugs. The lingering touches. And the warm, warm eyes that saw him for everything he was. Broken, incomplete, imperfect- and they cared for him anyway. And with the rushing of his pulses, he was able to move forward. He was able to try. Because he’s worth it. He’s worth the whole world and more. The leap would be worth it.

Everything pounded, everything siphoned in and crushed his head and heart until he could hear the ringing in his ears. But it all stopped, the whole world around him stopping when Pac’s eyes flicked up to him as he approached, focusing on nothing but the rush of noise returning as he beamed at Fit, patting the seat next to him invitingly as he voice was filled with warmth and greeting, “Oh, hello Fit! Want to take a seat? I’m listening to the performer; he’s pretty good, isn’t he? I like this vibe.”

It was so casual and normal, a simple start to a conversation as Fit quietly eased himself into the seat next to him. And gradually it faded into that normalcy he wanted, sinking back into the environment as best as he could with his thudding heart as he turned to the performer and listened for a moment before nodding, falling in agreement of the indie blues the man sang above. “Yeah… I like it too. Soulful. Heartfelt.”

It felt odd; Fit was in some sort of limbo space, mixed between the casualness of it all and the ticking in the back of his mind, as if counting down every singular second he remained quiet beside Pac. The man shifted, leaning more easily back on the bar and, with a jolt in Fit’s chest, was naturally drifting closer to him with the thoughtful smile lingering on his face, observing even with Fit’s noticeably coiled tension, “It’s different compared to most of the stuff we’ve done. But it’s really nice. Really fitting for tonight; just soulful and all out there and soothing. The makes of a star coming up. I hope he has a breakthrough like we did; it would be like a full-circle moment. That would be fun.”

Fit felt a loose mumble leaving his lips in wordless agreement, unable to look at anything except Pac. The passion and warmth returning to his words, bringing life back into his features… It was practically impossible not to stare. And especially when he could practically feel his hands burning until they were numb, seared by the strong yearning delving down to the tips of his fingers as he pushed back against the desperation to reach for him. He did his best to act casual alongside him, even with the building storm in his head and the currently quickening pace of his pulses. God, how the fuck am I gonna do this? When I can’t think of anything except how badly I want him? This is going to be a disaster.

Fit didn’t even realize the silence was stretching between them until he finally felt Pac’s eyes on him, curious and a bit confused with the faint tilt of his smile. Fit jumped, mumbling out an apology, and Pac let out a soft chuckle before shaking his head and waving his hand dismissively. His carefree nature seemed to dissipate slightly, however, and there was a soft tug in Fit’s chest when he saw a bit more of a shadowed light in his eyes, not defeated but instead almost shy as he tucked his chin, glancing back over at Fit and clearing his throat before asking in a gentle murmur, “So, uh… Are you enjoying your night?”

Get a grip of yourself, idiot. Come on. Fit took a deep breath, one he made sure filled every inch of his lungs before it left his chest while he nodded, finding some semblance of his words again as he glanced between Pac and the performer when he responded slowly, “I am, yeah. It’s been a really good night. But it didn’t start here.”

Pac tilted his head, the confusion staying on his features as his brow furrowed again into a crease that made Fit’s gut lurch again with how it dipped into an adorable burrow, clearing his throat and rubbing his arm before looking back over at him, mustering the will to meet his eyes even with the haywire it sent through Fit’s heart and fizzled out into his bloodstream. “Just with… With our performance. I can’t stop thinking about it or replaying everything that happened in my head. Not just with the audience, but… I can’t stress enough how fucking incredible you were tonight, Pac. That was… It was unreal. It was amazing. You really saved your best for that performance, huh?”

Pac’s expression was instantly more sheepish and shy, a flustered smile on his face that made Fit’s chest practically cave with yearning to forever help conjure as the man looked away bashfully. He set his drink off to the side of the bar, folding his hands together so they rested on one of his legs before he mumbled out in a soft rush, “Oh, I don’t know. I mean, it felt good. It was… Freeing. I felt like I really was taking back a part of myself and stepping into the new future I have. A good turning point that’ll lead into the rest of my life, you know?”

That makes perfect sense. That’s what it seemed like to me too. Fit felt his smile stretch on his face even with its own sheepishness, feeling a kindle of understanding as his mind drifted to his performance after meeting with Spreen; the click of everything finally falling into place and having a path in front of him now after stumbling blind for so long. It nearly caught in his words, hitched with emotion as he murmured, “I understand that, absolutely. You were breathtaking up there; your passion and everything you were feeling really showed. I could tell you were letting go, that it was a part of you just waiting to be set free. It was incredible.”

Pac’s shyness didn’t relent, shuffling once more as his smile plumped out his lips and had Fit’s eyes lingering for much too long on them unbeknownst to Pac as he stared out at the doors beyond, as if reminiscing on it all with a smile that seemed to shimmer with golden triumph highlighted by the lighting around them. “Yeah. It’s nice to finally… Feel a little less stressed. To feel like I have most of myself back, to have a future I can look forward to without feeling icy eyes on the back of my neck all of the time.”

A deeper sigh left him, as if it was his own trapped breath finally releasing as his eyes seemed to clear when he glanced back at Fit. He was relieved, an expression clear and obvious from the weightless droop of his shoulders and the removed ripples under his eyes as his gleam returned alongside his gentle smile. “To have him finally at the very back of my mind, never to bother me as cruelly as he did again… It’s a feeling I never thought I’d have. And that’s thanks to you, by the way.”

What? There was a somersault in Fit’s chest, one that seemed to make the lights glow brighter around Pac and light up his slightly turned lips more than before. He quickly turned away, clenching one of his hands lightly around the other as he chuckled, mumbling out a deflection as best as he could through a pinch in his throat, “Oh, whatever. Not really.”

“It’s true.” Pac’s soft laughter didn’t help Fit’s brain, fizzling when he glanced back over to see the man’s eyes strung out to the performer on the stage again. The nostalgic wisps remained alongside the pride and hope, eyes lingering on them for a moment before glancing back at Fit, his smile turning more sheepish the more he spoke, “I would’ve never been able to confront him like I wanted to without you. To say everything that I did, to finally find it in myself to fight back because of you… You really were my guardian angel, you know? You really did protect me and be there for me when I needed you. And I just… I can’t thank you enough.”

Fit shifted his gaze to meet his eyes, and it felt like the tunneling of the beginning of the world again. The memories that flicked by, that started right in this bar, everything speeding by in flashing images with only the focus being Pac’s brightening smile. And the more he searched along, Fit realized something with another lurch deep in his gut, one a molten gold that was filled with shock and heat. 

The more I look back… The more I can remember his smile. The dimples. The glow in his eyes… Was I looking closely back then, even after all this time? Was I in love before I even knew it?

And he already knew the answer, from the quiet pull in his chest and the glow of a drumbeat undercurrent to the actual strums around them that matched his heartbeat. A second harmony, one he hadn’t even realized was there all along- and one that happily fell in stride with him, even after everything.

With that in his mind, heavy with emotion, Fit was only barely able to whisper over the intimate lull of a guitar and the spinning golden lights that made it flash like their performance so long ago; spinning in golden debris, shining their way to the future he always wanted when he spoke clearly and thickly, “You already have thanked me enough, Pac. You’ve already done enough to thank me and make up for it. Ten times over. You’ve done just the same for me. I wish I could thank you enough. I wish you knew how much… It all means to me. How much you mean to me.”

There was a long, quiet moment that seemed like a shocked surprise and made Fit glance up at him, a brief jab of icy fear that he had gone too far. But all he found was Pac’s gentle smile and the glow of his eyes, cheek smushed into his hand to try and muffle it down when his eyes latched onto Fit’s and somehow burned even more. Despite his flattened cheek, helping the other round out, every inch of his skin was alight and perfectly sculpted in familiarity; in joy and a flustered state that had him blinking faster and Fit’s heart swaying and dangling even more into dangerous territory. Even with all the creases, the imperfections… It’s enough. It’s always been enough. And I wish he knew that.

But somehow, in the silence with nothing but a soulful thrum to end the song and Pac’s eyes gazing at him so softly, much gentler and brighter than before… Something seemed to click behind it all, making the flush on his cheeks more obvious as he shifted his eyes away with the sheepish twirl of his lips moving around his hand until he pulled it away, adjusting his hair with a soft chuckle. There was a press of his lips that Fit caught from his lingering stare, as if he were about to speak, but the man seemed to retreat a little and sink back into their atmosphere, turning back to the performer with a wistfulness that seemed much more beyond the guitar in the man’s hands.

Fit curled his fingers in as he rested his fist on his thigh, taking a shaky inhale. He could feel the lapse in the energy from Pac’s quiet; the break as if it were an emotional dip in a song before everything came to a roaring conclusion. Something had made him pause; made him hesitate to continue forward, and the thought made Fit’s fears rear with life for an icy moment. Was he…? What was he going to do? Why did he hesitate? Surely it was nothing, right? I should just let it go, right?

But feeling the burning in his hands, the faint tingling at the tip of his fingers to reach for his and the way Fit’s heart was desperately thudding, yearning for the other’s touch, it was impossible to simply let it slide. To let anything go anymore as Fit saw nothing but the cone of gold silhouetting the man across from him; the man who smiled at him now, a new but familiar smile and a promise in his eyes. A promise for their future, for the both of them, for something Fit wanted even longer than he’d known.

And with this pounding fervor, this desperation to connect their yearning touches and finish their song in a beautiful harmony, Fit rose out of his seat and onto his feet. He took a moment to adjust to the spin of lights, to the song drifting in with a more sultry guitar guiding him as he turned to face Pac and stare at the startled blinks given to him when the man sat up attentively, watching him curiously and almost hopefully. Fit swallowed thickly, the stone in his throat threatening to roll and instantly smash into the fizzing sparks in his chest.

But he could hear the echoes in his mind, the confirmation and determination that resulted in no more hesitation. He’s worth the leap. He’s always been worth the leap. The risk of it all. Everything is worth it to burn like this for him forever.

And so Fit extended his hand out, watching it fleck briefly with gold from the light above them before melting back into its normal hues; into Fit’s normal tones as he was nothing but himself in their place of beginnings as he asked Pac quietly at last, “Dance with me, Pac?”

There was a teeter; one that threatened to yank the light away behind the widened eyes Pac bore to him in genuine shock. But it was only for a moment as the grin of light lit up Pac’s features again, bedazzled and startled but alight and joyous. And his hand finally slipped into his when he reached forward, gentle amongst his callouses, and Pac responded in the exact harmony Fit could hear perfectly in his mind and with the exact smile Fit had fallen for over and over the past months. “I’d love to, Fit.”

And when he rose onto his feet, matching Fit in stride as they made their way to the center of the small circle for dancing and placed themselves in with no hesitation, it was all too easy to forget about the stares or the muffled whispers as they watched Pac wind his arms around Fit’s neck with a brief quiver, Fit’s own trembling hands lightly grazing his hips and barely having wisps of touch to hold onto him in fears of the fragile moment shattering it all. Everyone is already staring, already judging. Because God forbid two guys could dance with each other platonically, regardless of what I’m feeling.

But Fit felt his hands sink into Pac’s frame almost more with their stares, with the judgement that Fit didn’t even look at twice. Because as the song carried through, the performer undeterred by the couple in front of them, Fit got to see every inch of Pac’s even further flustered but elated grin as his eyes traced his face before flicking up and down between his own feet and the man in front of him. There were a few stumbles, followed by laughter until they were settled into an easy sway, one of Pac’s hands unwinding to trail down Fit’s bicep and leave a line of fire with each grazing touch. Though Fit’s hands were comfortable, he didn’t dare stray as all he could focus on was the buzzing in his head, the flush in his own chest at the beaming face in front of him. His heart was pounding too loud, too fast for him to keep up, and there was a floating sensation drifting up his legs and numbing his sensations except for the searing touches Pac had on him.

I have him. I’m holding him. And I don’t give a single fuck as to who’s staring and who’s noticed. Who cares if our names are on the papers? Who cares if rumors start? I’ll have him. I’ll have this moment. And nothing could ever take that away from me; not when this is enough.  

But Pac’s voice decided to grace Fit now too; he was giggling softly and tilting his head at the performer up on the raised platform, quiet for a moment before speaking in a hush that seemed gentle in nature, “Wow. This music style really is different from what I’m used to. But it’s beautiful. It’s perfect.”

He could hear the weight of Pac’s words as Fit chuckled softly as best as he could through the pinch in his throat, and he could feel the words coming to him even through the bombastic pounding of his chest that made it up to his hearts, threatening to render him senseless as he spoke as casually as he could with their natural hum of conversation being his anchor, “I mean, I think it works. I haven’t, uh… Danced in a while. Sorry if I step on your toes. I think I should be more worried about where I’m stepping than you should be about yours.”

Pac’s giggles resounded again, clear and melodious in the air. And there was a shift as Pac was coming in closer, chests occasionally grazing from the proximity and sending further haywire throughout the rest of Fit’s system as his friend mused with a flashing grin framed by his dark hair swaying alongside his frame, “It’s alright. I’ve got some pretty tough toes. And I care about you enough that I’ll forgive you.”

Fit chuckled along with him, their laughter soon lost to the hums of the song as they both tilted their heads and flicked their eyes to them, the lyrics thrumming through and winding around in its comfortable hum. Fit closed his eyes briefly, ears latching on as the vibrations became coherent at last through his unsteady thunder. “ Break away from all the city lights, hiding in the dark. ‘Cause you don’t belong where you don’t belong. Yeah, I don’t belong.”

He took a moment to himself in the slow opening of his eyes, a resounding whisper coming from somewhere within him in response to the lyrics. The notion of being different implied in the song; the turns of his passions, his romantic preferences, his cracks of his life. The lack of belonging lingering within made his chest heavier, a weighted sigh threatening his lips, but there was a brush of fingers following his collar bone and threatening a lingering touch over his heart that leaped with the graze. His eyes snapped back around, finding Pac instantly, and he saw the reflection in glassy eyes and a weak half-smile that showed his understanding and sympathy.

He would know too. He knows me, sees me even if I haven’t said anything. And yet he looks at me like that; like maybe I could belong with him. How could I not fall for him?

Nothing needed to be said out loud, but it was already making Fit’s knees even weaker than before as he shuffled to regain feeling along the backside of his legs. But when he did, he dared his hands to circle around and palm more of Pac’s back that he could feel jump and almost curl into his touch, settling when Fit asked in a soft voice still careful and toeing into the intimacy they had, “How are you feeling, Pac? Are you doing okay? Is this… Is this what you wanted?”

The last sentence almost made Fit rip out his tongue himself, but there was no judgement or suspicion in Pac’s eyes. Instead, he glanced aside briefly to study the performer again as they strummed their instrument before blinking back over at Fit. He was relaxed in his touch, one hand astray and tracing the nodule in his shoulder as he asked him in return with a slight tilt to his head, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, uh…” The charmed moment flickered away with Fit’s hesitation and the slight distraction from Pac’s brushes, clearing his throat and averting his eyes briefly to watch the rise and fall of Pac’s chest when his gaze went down. But he felt the man shift in his hold, simply getting more comfortable, in turn encouraging his eyes to return back to him and take a deep breath, finally letting himself air it all out in what almost felt like a desperate hope that clung to the care of his words. “With the band. Just… Everything like this. No more Cellbit to worry about, our band getting more and more fans as our performances improve… All of us at your side. Making it big. Is it what you wanted? Is this… Enough?”

The last word practically toppled off of Fit’s tongue, the unspoken questions and fears falling off with its singular use. And with a sharp flash of cold horror, there was a shift behind Pac’s gaze as he studied Fit with his hands pausing in their hovering and trailing, dark brown eyes thoughtful for a long moment of silence making each breath harder for him to breathe. It was a large teeter, one threatening to tumble Fit away and send him spiraling if it all collapsed in front of him. Too obvious? Too much?

But when Pac spoke after his long silence, his eyes were slowly starting to glass over with a sheen that made him dip his chin, pressing his lips together when he responded carefully, as if practiced instead of earnest and making Fit’s chest twist unsteadily, “Yeah. It is.”

“But?” Fit uttered the thought out before he could stop himself, able to feel its presence and bringing it forward. And when Pac glanced up at him, mildly startled, Fit was unable to hold back from the faint trickle of anxieties that started to tweak in his mind, that fiddled with the anxious gears that had just settled when he rattled off his worries and fears. “You look like you’re hesitating about something. Did Cellbit say something? Or did a fan say something? Is there something with the band we haven’t noticed? I swear, we can call Tubbo, we can get on top of this before-“

“Fit, Fit.” The call was distant until Pac’s hands shot down to Fit’s and wound around them, tugging them up until they were the only barrier between them and resting on their thudding hearts. There was a soft laugh from Pac, but it wasn’t chiding and remained feathery, almost whimsical when his eyes shifted back up to Fit. Even with the haze clinging to his gaze mildly, the soft grin tugging at his features was glowing and earnest even with its mellowed matter. “No, nothing like that. I swear. Everything’s almost perfect. Though I’m not expecting anything to be perfect anymore; I’m okay with there being cracks. Fragments. It’s not gonna be straightforward, and that’s… That’s okay.”

Listening to him speak of healing, of already becoming more than he already was and continuing to work on himself with a renewed vigor and life behind all of it… Fit’s eyes were much too chancing with each glance at his lips, firmly sticking them somewhere behind the man’s shoulders instead and clearing his throat once more, nodding along to try and steer himself off of the reckless byway of his mind. His voice felt like it was wavering still, but there was a quiet to it that rippled with understanding; that rippled with hope. “That’s… Really nice, Pac. Truly. A healthier mindset to not be a perfectionist anymore, albeit it seems like a more pessimistic one. To some people, at least. To ourselves.”

Fit clamped down on his jaw, startled with his own thoughts, but Pac’s tug of a half smile and unwavering understanding made up for it as well as his feathery chuckle. He seemed to sidle up closer, Fit’s breath hitching at the brief thud of Pac’s chest he could feel from his heartbeat before his voice was floating back in, somewhat blissful in its gentleness. “It is a little, isn’t it? Compared to what we wanted to be, what we expected. But it’s true. I was never perfect, no matter how hard I tried to be. I have to accept the fact that I’m horribly imperfect, cracks and all. And that’s okay. It’s gonna be hard to let myself be imperfect, but… I think it’ll be better in time.”

It’s already better. You’re already so many strides ahead of so many people. Of me. Fit allowed himself a chuckle, but he didn’t mean for it to sound as bitter as it came when his voice came out in a half tease, half weariness, “It is. I mean, have you seen me? I’ve got a lot of fucking cracks. Too many, really. I’m still trying to figure out my way around them. Whether I can fix them or not.”

“Hey.” Pac’s hands were suddenly around his again, clasping at the fingers and instantly burning away the icy trills fracturing at the back of his mind. He was swallowed into Pac’s warmth, into the surprisingly intensity and sincerity when he tilted up slightly on his toes to come more face-to-face with Fit and meet his eyes in a way that carved the heat all the way down to his bones. “There’s never too many cracks, Fit. Nothing’s too broken; not when you’re willing to change. And even with those cracks, you’re still… You. And that’s…”

There was a pause; a precipice that they both seemed to consider as Fit’s hands trembled slightly in Pac’s hold, further quivering when he slowly let go of them in that lapse of thought. But before he could pull away and split the energy for good, before they risked it all, Fit’s lungs leaked and spurted as one of Pac’s hands went to his cheek, cupping it perfectly in delicate fingers that brushed at a small dribble of leftover beer at the corner of his lip, eyes following his own movement before drifting back to Fit’s gaze and the smile that upturned his lips. All of it was warm; warm eyes, warm smile, a warm heart that thudded up next to his when Pac whispered alongside the music’s melody, “That’s the you I adore, Fit. That’s the you I will be here for, anytime and any day. That’s the you I… I care about. More than anything.”

His fingers drifted, each movement creating sparks in their wake as Fit’s flesh seemed to practically sear under Pac’s touch. But it remained careful, uncertain but true as they pressed lightly to his cheek, eyes searching along his face and briefly dancing across Fit’s lips with a gut jerk before meeting his gaze again. And Fit couldn’t remember a time he looked so certain of something, beyond the emotion that was making amber specks dazzle his eyes and light up every single whisper that left his mouth in a string of words Fit had only dared to dream of hearing spoken aloud, “Beyond the cracks, beyond the anger you had. I saw you. I will only ever see you, Fit. Always.”

“Pac…” Fit couldn’t find any words, could barely find the sap of air to keep breathing as everything was starting to burn at a degree that made everything flare up around him. All of it was closing in; the music was drifting into his ears, lyrics flowing softly around as the two of them drifted closer, up until their chests rested together and Pac’s hand lingered on his face with almost an innocent wonder while his rounded eyes seemed to blow out with his pupils, staring at him wordlessly.

Fit could only stare back, could feel one hand drifting down to Pac’s hip and trailing to the lateral ripples of his spine to draw him in closer. His other hand strayed, running up along his hip, and he felt the man practically shudder and arch slightly into the touch, breath hitching and an explosion of crimson and pink blooming across his cheeks in record time. And as their eyes latched together again, Fit could hear the song coming back in around them. It’s just a feeling, it’s just a feeling… It’s just a feeling, it’s just a feeling…

The click and shimmer of his mind; the waves of finality, of confirmation that swept him like a heatwave. It was decided in that moment when his eyes met Pac’s. This was never just a feeling. This is everything. This is everything I want and more. I want him. Every single piece of him, broken or not. I want him. And I see him too. Every part of him. And all I want is more.

“Pac, I…” Fit stumbled again, even with Pac’s slight tilt of his head to listen in closer with drifts of dark hair billowing up against Fit’s cheeks. There was a soft tickle on his nose, one now making itself known of their closing proximity, and he took a shaking inhale himself when Pac’s hand only trailed further along his cheek, swooping to frame around his jaw and have his thumb lingering ever so slightly below his lip. All of it was burning hotter, brighter, much more feverish and intense until he couldn’t see anything but warm brown eyes, slightly parted lips, and an expression that if he dared to put a name to, it would send him off of every ledge and crossing every line he thought he couldn’t stray over.

But with his eyes on Fit, with every memory flashing between the two of them and the pull of the universe practically raveling them together, Fit could feel the click in his chest and the hum in his mind as the words came to him at last after months of silent lingering. He caught a glimpse of blue lighting around his face, the more sullen look in his eyes, but now all he could see was eyes rounded in surprise when Fit reached up to cup Pac’s cheek this time, brushing along his even skin and his own thumb resting at the corners of his lips before meeting his gaze, letting them hover in the spurts of warmth and the furious heartbeat that made his hands shake, but that drove him into starting to lean forward at a pace that allowed him to see the frantic darting of Pac’s eyes from his to his lips. It gave him time to move if he desired, but both of them resided where they were at, hovering in a line of tension that was taut and pulling tighter, tighter between them.

Fit swallowed down the lump, feeling the ice melting away with each fluttered blink across from him. And with no lines in sight and his eyes on nothing but the warmth in front of him, Fit whispered at last when he leaned in enough to let his breath ghost across Pac’s lips, “I don’t have to wish to love you, Pac. I already do.”

And then the distance was closed, every line crossed and every single fire burning under Fit’s skin exploding in jubilation when their lips finally pulsed together in an eruption that coursed through every ripple of skin. It was only a gentle press, one that barely snagged Pac’s lips in his own, but it was enough for his whole nervous system to send a flash of sparks up and down until everything was fizzling, his hand cupping the cheek he had and tightening around the waist in his other hold. Pac didn’t move away, the slightest lean into Fit being the only anchor for the fireworks that set off from the touch. 

It was everything Fit had wanted, burning and clutched against him. But it was only until he felt the absolute stillness of Pac in his grip and retreated, pulling his face away and eyes scanning him quickly to gather his reaction. With a chill almost nauseating, there was a blank look of pure shock on his face as the song parted between them, matching the ringing in his ears when his breath hitched at the sight rippling in glances of light and shadow. Oh. That- That wasn’t what he wanted, was it? But I thought- I could’ve sworn I-

Did I ruin this? Did I fuck it all up, even when I put everything on the line and swore it would be okay?

“Fuck,” Fit breathed, blinking quickly for a moment before his hands slowly lifted off of Pac, starting to flare up feverishly as if the touch actually started to peel his skin away. He took a step back, breaths coming in spurts, and he could feel the fire fading as there was nothing but a dark cavern waiting for him outside, where his feet turned to as his rasps came choked and frantic, “Fuck, no, I’m sorry, that wasnt- I shouldn’t have-“

“Fit.” The world stilled for a moment, even having a lapse in music with nothing but the guitar as a hand shot out and grasped his collar before he could turn away. It was soon joined by the other fitted into his shirt, Fit jolting from the intense grab before his eyes shot up to Pac’s, still rounded in shock but starting to clear away. And when they cleared, there was even more clarity and certainty than before that Fit couldn’t read, could feel his body still lurching and threatening to yank away if anything was disturbed in their quivering emotions.

But then Pac’s hands tightened, a further grip on reality from the clothing painfully rubbing against Fit’s neck. And with that his eyes finally latched onto Pac’s entirely, seeing them scanning every last inch of his face one more time before his words came out in a stumble, one over the other and barely a breath but strong and firm, “Fit, ask me what my favorite color is.”

The statement was so jarring, throwing everything off balance, that all Fit could do was gape his mouth and stare at Pac in a dumbfounded daze while his brain short-circuited and winked out, warring between hope and agony. But Pac didn't relent, didn’t remove his stare as the burning amber behind them seemed to swell and envelope his gaze in nothing but the glowing sheen that Fit had admitted to adoring as he echoed his request, a bit more firm with the mildest edge of panic, “Ask me, Fit. Ask me what my favorite color is right now.”

“I…” The request fell short for a moment on dry lips that Fit licked briefly, his eyes fluttering in baffled blinking before there was the tiniest sliver of light, the smallest ember that kept him planted where he was and daring to keep their eyes connected. And when Pac didn’t elaborate or move away either, hands remaining in Fit’s shirt and holding him close, Fit took a deep breath and dared another step back into the flames, his voice a shaky whisper when he asked him at last, “What’s your favorite color, Pac?”

The explosion of colors and heat behind Pac’s eyes was its own show in itself, his hands stilling in their vice grip and his body shuddering before easing into a deep breath. And when his eyes found Fit one more time, there was a sudden shockwave of heat that coursed up his neck from Pac’s hands moving up, cupping his face again. And making sure their eyes were connected, Pac’s smile broke free at last with a toothy, beaming grin that rocked Fit senseless around his knees as the hands tugged him closer, close enough to finally hear the heavy breath of words that ghosted his own lips, as if seeing the light of day after many months of waiting, “Brown, Fit. Earthy, warm, very warm brown. And it’s right here in front of me, it always has been, and I don’t want anything else. I want you. You, Fit. You.”

Fit didn’t have the time to say anything, but he didn’t need to when he felt the lips back on his, pressing more earnestly, and the slip of the kiss they eased into that finally letting their bodies loosen, letting all of their resolve and tension melt away with Fit’s hands shooting to Pac’s waist and holding him tighter, Pac tugging the man into himself as if they weren’t close enough even through it all and when Fit’s body was vibrating with nothing but the pounding heartbeat next to his, kissing him with nothing else in the world he desired more. There was only one word repeating from the song that slipped in and out, the only thing that snuck in between the fireworks and crackling sparks and every heartbeat Fit’s ears didn’t miss.

Belong, belong, belong.  

Pac kissed like his voice was crackling from a performance after laying it all out on the line; like his world’s cusp finally came to a slow, balanced turn. He looped one arm around Fit’s shoulders and yanked him closer, Fit feeling a furrow of his brows alongside the spreading grin between their kisses. And Fit reciprocated it all; reciprocated like the breeze through the willow trees, like the drumming beats of a party silenced by only them together. He held Pac tightly, closely, and he once again felt the jumpstart of their hearts as they fell into perfect harmony together, no matter how fast they were going.

Perfect. It was all Fit’s brain could muster, too busy soaking in the lips finally on his and the grip clasping to him, just as desperate and yearning. With the reciprocation, clear as day, Fit was able to sink in and take it all, wrap him closer and kiss him until nothing was left but the flavor of Pac on his tongue. Perfect. This is where I belong. Right here. With him.

Only when their singer lungs gave out, using up every last bit of air they could conjure, did they finally part away with heaving breaths mixed together. The ending of the song perforated through, winding around and thrumming in time with their huffs until they settled and the performer took a break, letting the radio crackle on around them and fill the space instead. Fit and Pac simply stared at each other, holding the other in a less tight grip but one still steady and resistant to any lean away. But with Pac trembling slightly in his hold, arm still around his neck and his fingers once again resuming their roam of his face in a much more flustered wonder than before, Fit was the first to break the spell as he uttered the only words he could use currently to define everything he was feeling: “Holy shit.”

Pac’s lips broke out into a cracking grin. Breathless, still panting, hair bouncing off of his face from the heaves. And yet he somehow looked even more beautiful, face flushed with color and lips slightly swollen from the kiss, laughing weakly before nodding with Fit in agreement, his voice small but filled with much more undercurrents of joy and triumph that helped Fit smile along as well. “Yeah. That seems pretty accurate.”

“I…” Fit’s brain was on autopilot, gushy from it all as he let himself laugh along with Pac in breathless spurts, shaking his head with disbelief before tugging him in and feeling him giggle under his palms before he heard it singing in his ears, the floating sensation drifting all the way up through his spine and around his head. When he was settled, Pac straightening up to gaze at him in a much easier manner, Fit exchanged another grin with him before ducking his chin, the flaming color once again returning to his own cheeks with his flustered state. “God, I cannot tell you how long I’ve waited to do that.”

“I can.” Pac’s voice was so startling, almost cheeky, and when Fit blinked in surprise down at him he saw the jerk of his chin and the grin that endlessly sliced through. It was a cascade effect; the warm ripple before realizing it was another moment of falling further, simply by the glow in his eyes and the stunning smile Fit would never get tired of. “Since we first met.”

Fit’s heart was too mushy for a moment to fully process his words, but once he did it felt like another slam of everything that almost sent him reeling. It made his feet shuffle, adjusting to the weight of it all, but Pac was there in stride and helping him balance with a hand on his arm as he met Fit’s shocked stare, even feeling drips of horror and shame in his gut when he questioned with a faint pitch behind his words, “Really? All the way back then? Even when I was an asshole?”

”Even then.” Pac’s laughter was warm, another part of him that was too tempting to kiss and sink into, but it gradually grew softer with the genuine light behind it as he tugged Fit in again, his hand practically hovering over one side of his face while his thumb toyed with his lip, a bit sheepish but earnest before he spoke in a gentler murmur, “I think I knew something was going on. I was just waiting for the real you to come out; the one who could finally be himself without consequences and not have to live in survival mode. And look at you now. I saw it back then, and I see it now.”

There was a new fondness to the strokes on his cheek, and Fit could feel the deeper lurch and flip of his heart when Pac leaned up to follow one of his fingers with a kiss on his cheek, the junction right above his jawline. It was an imprint that lingered even when he pulled back enough to meet Fit’s eyes again, the quiet but sincere smile lining his lips as his gaze filled with affection and clarity. “I think I was meant to fall for you no matter what. But I got to watch you grow and change and fall for you even more. Fall for every piece of you and the current you at your best self. It’s breathtaking, and it’s… Been breathtaking each time.”

Even at my worst. He… He saw me. Every piece, and he still looks at me like this. The corners of his eyes welted up despite himself, Fit trying to blink even faster to drive them away as Pac started to blur in the golden-brown lights again. His voice came out in another whisper, one of disbelief and awe intermingled, “I can’t believe you did. At my worst… Every broken bit of me. I hated who I was, Pac. I can’t believe you… You saw something there.”

Pac’s smile was visible even through the haze, and the softest of touch brushed under his eyes to swipe away at the tears, Fit unable to stop himself from leaning into the fingers with hitched breaths. Pac didn’t relent however, one hand crawling around to the back of his head and brushing along his earlobes with a noticeable jolt that made fire shoot all the way down to his toes. It was warm, all warm and welcoming and somehow smoldering all at once. To think, despite my efforts to push him away and make him hate me… He saw through all of it. And he waited. He waited for me. He thought I was worth it, whoever I was underneath- before I even knew.

Being loved by him… It means waiting until it’s worth it. And waiting this long… It’s worth it. Every second of agony, of patience, of tension… It’s all been worth it. Every second, every day, every week and month. It was so, so worth it.

Pac’s gaze remained soothing, remained just as caring and patient as Fit had seen over the last few months. And the depth of it all made his breath hitch, moreso when Pac’s fingers brushed across his face again as if he couldn’t get enough; as if he could finally let his fingers trail and trace as much as he wanted. And Fit let him, especially when Pac leaned up to him and connected their eyes to when he murmured, “Every honest and broken piece of you. Because I knew there was more beyond the breaks, knew that there was so much I had yet to see and I knew was worth waiting for. And it was; now all I see is how determined and funny and kind you truly are. How you’re trying your best to be a better person, how you’ve already made so many strides to show how caring and heartfelt you really are. And to me, you’ve never looked more beautiful. More whole.”

An overwhelming flush coursed over Fit, one that made him swoop forward and catch Pac in a wordless kiss to express it all. There was a breath of shock that he muffled, but the grin that formed over his lips was worth every bit as Fit couldn’t do anything but kiss him after waiting for so long. The yearning, the desperation, all of it pouring through and oozing into Pac- and returned tenfold when he felt Pac’s hands go to his face again, tugging him in closer while their grins molded over the kiss. The breathless laughter that was shared in the breaks made Fit go for the corners of his lips, kissing each of them until Pac was a giggling and flushed mess as he bowed forward into his chest, clutching him while he burrowed away. And Fit held him close, grinning into his hair that he kissed as well, and he could feel the world spinning around with all the lights in the world as he held him at last.

This is what I’ve always wanted, Fit realized with the gears shifting into place, everything clicking together and melding into a beautiful song as he closed his eyes, a hand on Pac’s back and the other wrapping around his shoulders to tug him in. He blinked away the joyful tears this time, seeing the image of himself at the corners of his eyes through the rushed flutter. The man I’ve wanted to be with… It was never Spreen. It was never anyone else. It was Pac all along. I didn't realize that until now. But…

It dawned on Fit as he slowly drew Pac out of his chest, but his hand returned to his face to cup it and hold him, securing it with a soft smile when their eyes met. And with the glow in his gaze, Fit spoke to him at last with a murmur of sincerity that made his lips rise in a smile. “You know, I figured it out too. When I fell for you.”

“Yeah?” Pac’s eyes were shining, relieved when he admitted it as well while he leaned into him. Fit couldn’t help the trail of his hand into Pac’s hair, clumped but smooth as he combed through it while the man tilted into his touch with a quieter giggle. Every little thing he could enjoy now openly, their feelings out in the air… Fit’s brain stored every little detail away with Pac caving under certain touches, buzzed with all of the new information and keeping it tucked aside for later.

But with Pac’s earnest eyes, Fit’s smile became softer as he tucked a strand of hair away from his eyes, brushing it back before his hand rounded to cup his cheek again and keep their eyes locked, making sure he heard every word that he uttered to him like an oath, “It was before I even knew you. The boy I wished for when I first found out I was gay, the person I’ve wished for all my life to consider my partner. The perfect person; sweet, kind, brought out the best in me and made the whole world a better place. That’s you. And I was so, so scared I didn’t deserve you, especially with who I used to be.”

Pac’s eyes instantly sprung with tears, widened in a shocked enthrallment when he stared at him. His eyes flicked back and forth between his and Fit’s lips, something that Fit almost would’ve laughed at had it been a bit of a different scenario less heavy and emotional. But he reached for the tears lightly trailing down Pac’s face, the emotion in his eyes much too strong for even Fit to interpret as he breathed out weakly, a croak of a word that was filled with the emotion pouring from his eyes, “Fit…”

Seeing him just as scared, just as relieved and emotional about it all… Fit bundled him closer, fingers grazing the faint freckles along his cheeks and face as he kissed his nose lightly, closing his eyes and pressing his head lightly to Pac’s before admitting it out loud in a crackling whisper, “I’ve wanted you for so long. But I was too scared. I thought you were too good for me. You still are. But I’ve wanted you for ages now, hoping that someone like you could love me, and I’ll continue to do my best to be someone that’s worth it. That can be loved, cracks and all.”

Pac was engrossed in every word, feeling his eyes on him even before he opened his again. And the look that he got from Pac, the soulful one as they let it all free at last, was filled with nothing he had ever seen before. It was filled with promise, with an affection never apparent in Spreen’s eyes or anyone else’s before when he wrapped an arm around Fit’s neck, his hand reaching back for him as they both didn’t hesitate to let their touches linger now that they had each other. And he pressed his face up to Fit’s, both of their eyes shutting as he embraced Pac’s thick whisper, wavering from emotion but remaining full of promise and warmth, “You don’t have to, Fit. You don’t have to prove anything to me or be scared anymore. You have me. You have every part of me. And you have for so long now. You always will.”

He leaned forward, kissing Fit’s lips lightly before drawing back, and the two met their eyes once more. In the steady thuds of their chest was further promises, further light and possibilities as they now stood in the others arms as Pac gave him another smile, his vow uttered against Fit’s lips much stronger than before, “I’m here, Fit. I’m yours. Always.”

“Always,” Fit whispered with him, and one last grin was shared between them before Pac pulled him in again, their smiles still felt long into the kiss. He thought he could hear cheers and whistles from two familiar girls beyond them, but Fit didn’t tune into them or anyone else who would be looking on; all he could focus on was the man in his arms at last, in the way he only could’ve seen in his dreams.

But Pac was here. Kissing him, grinning into him, blending their two lives and songs together at last, and Fit couldn’t do anything but grin back to him and let the relieved tears fall and catch the light around them to make his cheeks glow. His heart thudded with the familiar rhythm of a drum, pounding and certain, and he could feel the lights around them spinning and guiding him forward, hand-in-hand now with Pac at his side. 

At my side despite everything. Loving me despite who I was. And I didn’t even know; I didn’t even think it was possible. But he was there, the whole time, just as patient. Yearning just as much.

And we have each other now. The leap was worth it. Now we can go into our new futures together. Together now, together forever. 

Always.

Chapter Text

Is day drinking considered an unhealthy indulgence in my case?

It was an odd question that seeped into Pac’s mind as he swished the half-empty drink around in its clear but fogged glass, glancing up at the partially empty setting around him as it bumbled in a peaceful, quiet comfort. Only a few guests flocked around in the middle of the afternoon, dining on happy hour appetizers and a few at the rounded bar in the center of the room with familiar bartenders Pac had already greeted. It was a justification for the settled liquid that flecked with amber glints as the sun shimmered outside, casting the warm glow over the room supported by a cheerful crackle of the stereo nestled in a corner as it filled the space with backdrop music. But upon listening closer, Pac couldn’t help but smile as he realized there was a hint of familiarity with the voice that was singing in the speakers, a soft glow in his chest that made him swell and smile down at his drink.

Well… If this is a form of indulgence, then I think I’m allowed some after everything. All of the bad, even all of the good. Because it’s definitely been a mix, but all of it has been worth it. It’s all full circle; standing right back here, but instead being much more beyond what I was expecting to be. I think it deserves a cheers after everything. 

Pac hummed softly to himself with the trailing smile as he raised the rim and let it slip on his lips again, taking a swig of the rich beverage and setting it down with a faint wrinkle of his nose, huffing softly with a quiet, bemused quirk of his lips as he glanced back down at it. It fizzed cheerfully at him for a moment before settling, a glass half-full as it winked in the sunlight.

Not my drink of choice, but not bad. Trust my guest to find a beer I actually like, right?  

And with the mention of the guest at hand, a swoop of heart that felt like wings spreading and diving around in the birdcage of his chest, there was a deep thrum of steps that positioned themselves behind Pac, a brief pause in the atmosphere as he held his breath. Then the figure was stepping up until his back was against a chest with a hearty thud, a hand snaking around his waist to toy at the hem of his shirt, and every ounce of air leaked away as the feathery touch sparked Pac’s skin while the voice rumbled, humored and warm, “You know, I just got a crazy idea.”

“Oh yeah?” Pac hummed, leaning back into the touches with a soft giggle, the swooping settling to be replaced with a preen, pride and elation sweeping in. He turned his head to the sight beside him at last- Fit, resting his chin lightly on his shoulder, the flecks of brown in his eyes swimming with amber hints similar to the drink on the table as he folded a hand around Fit’s. Fit twined their fingers together, eliciting another happy yoink in Pac’s chest as he gave him a breathless smile through nothing but golden mush in his chest.

The man that started it all. The man who used to be a stranger, the one I decided to randomly approach that day. Though maybe my heart and soul knew something I didn’t yet; maybe it knew our destiny and guided us somehow. I would believe it. Because here we are now after everything.

And when Fit’s smile grew, nothing but adoration and humor in his gaze, the mush of Pac only grew further as both arms wrapped around him now, snuggling in before gesturing with a finger first to Pac and then himself. His voice was pointed, scarcely veiled through the peeling grin on his face. “Now hear me out. You seem like the kind of guy that would be an incredible singer- just a vibe that I’m getting from you. It just so happens, by the miraculous fate of the universe, I am a drummer. So perhaps we can get together and create a rock band.”

The callback was clear and fresh, even from months ago, and Pac was unable to stop his own shining grin from plastering over his face. He turned in Fit’s arms, facing him now as he slung his own arms around his neck, and he couldn’t help another giggle seeing the obvious tint of red to the man’s cheeks as their grins mirrored each other when Pac mused wondrously, “Should we now? And where did that come from? It seems like it was out of nowhere. Just a good assumption about us, huh?”

Fit shrugged, Pac’s hands resting on the rising limbs before the crooked smile lined his lips again, a sight that would never settle in Pac’s chest as it made it flutter even more when he stepped in closer. The sling around his waist was so natural, the arms simply resting there as he held Pac while he let out a deeper hum, one that reverberated in Pac’s ears and made his own throat tingle while he responded airily, “Just a random thought. And a lovely way to get back at our shitty exes, which I just know we both have. Show them that we’re better off without them. Kick ass. Shove it in their faces. And truly leave them behind and make a better future.”

“I see…” Pac was unable to stop the coy grin from flowing over his face, his whole heart and soul melting into the rest of his body with how warm and jubilant it was. With a hint of mischief tilting his grin into a smirk, Pac stepped in closer to his space, letting their chests brush and his hands reach up to trail along the thickened veins and structures of his neck, an indistinct pattern running up and down Fit’s neck while he fluttered his eyes curiously up to him. “And what specifically do you mean by ‘getting together’, hm?”

As soon as Pac’s fingers were on his skin, Fit’s face was soon an explosion of crimson coloring, hearing his breath hitching and seeing his eyes blow wide instantly. He blinked fast, Pac’s grin molding back over his face with the flushed mumbles coming from the man’s lips as his eyes stared down at the fingers on his skin. “Well, it’s just… Well, I mean… You know.”

“Do I?” Pac questioned thoughtfully, tilting his head and batting his eyes again through fleeting blinks that only made his smile grow wider. Fit could only stare at him for a moment longer before his arms were suddenly wrapped tighter around his midsection, tugging Pac in firmly with a hand tousling his hair, and the two of them falling into rhythmic and warm giggles that Pac had muffled into Fit’s chest, grinning into his body as they both shuddered from their laughter. There was a more tender stroke of Fit’s fingers through his dark hair, much less greasy than normal, and Pac took a moment to linger in his touch with a warm sigh, his chest feeling whole.

For once. For the first time in my life, I feel so… Whole. Like whatever I had been missing was really with Fit the whole time. Or maybe I was missing Fit. The good counterbalance to my life- the brutal honesty and the gentleness that comes with life, even with all of its trials. It’s him. It’s Fit.

I still can’t believe everything that happened… The few nights ago repeated right back in Pac’s mind; the intense holds that seared his skin, the confessions that wrapped around his brain and the whispers that trilled over his ears before the electrifying shock of the kiss they had both finally been waiting for. He could still remember the panic in Fit’s eyes, the doubts he expressed out loud of Pac’s reciprocated love. It all almost still feels like a dream. The budding of feelings when we first met and everything that grew, everything that happened… It’s so crazy.

But Pac wrapped his arms tighter around him now, feeling Fit reciprocate wordlessly. He didn’t pry into Pac’s embrace, simply nuzzling his head into Pac’s hair and providing a gentle kiss there- one full of understanding, of gentleness. And Pac sighed into it, his body relaxing naturally as it sank into him. As if I couldn’t fall in love with him. Not just for his looks or for his talent, but for who he really is. The biggest softie with the biggest heart, so gentle yet strong despite it all. Who cares about everyone more than anything and just wants to try his best. 

Who wouldn’t fall in love with someone just trying his best? Who’s actively working on bettering himself and becoming an even better man than he was before? Alongside his already somewhat attractive nature with his talent and looks… He’s perfect to me because of all of his imperfections. He’s perfect because he keeps trying. I wouldn’t want anyone else- not by a longshot. 

I don’t need someone with a clean slate. I just want someone who cares. Who tries. And that’s Fit. I’m so proud of him and to be with him. Always.

Pac smiled to himself in Fit’s chest once more before gradually pulling himself away, staying close to him as he adjusted the collar on his shirt before glancing back up at him. His voice was soft, chuckling gently when he assured with ounces of sweetness poured into it as one of his fingers slunk out to trail over one of the bumps of his collarbone, “Well, it sounds like a great idea to me. I think you’re a real smart guy. Somehow, you’re right about all of it. So perhaps it’s worth trying out.”

Fit’s grin shone over his face again, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind Pac’s ear before letting his finger trail along and down his neck; a mirrored move that made Pac shudder just the same as the brush left quivers of heat rising along his skin. And assisting his devices, Fit’s eyes were glowing again as he lowered his head, noting with a wink that had blood rushing through Pac’s plumped cheeks, “Just so you know, someone may or may not have fallen in love with you already in the band. Just a disclaimer.”

And a man who loves to tease and joke now that he’s comfortable and safe. Who’s just so, so warm despite everything that’s happened to him. And who’s not ashamed to show his feelings- in general and his feelings for me. Pac’s features were all flushed and warm, a fumbling smile on his face before he burrowed himself back into Fit’s neck for a moment, hiding his flustered giggles into his skin before he hummed into his collarbone, “Perfect. I already had my eyes set on him.”

Fit’s rumbling chuckle carried through again, strong arms wrapping back around Pac as he held him close, falling into a content silence as his touch idled along Pac’s spine. Pac took more time to simply soak in his presence; in the man that held him regardless of the possible stares, who clutched onto him as warmly and as sweetly as Pac did with zero hesitation. The whole scene made his chest nearly burst, blinking away the straggling tears as he turned around in Fit’s arms, smiling out at the scene around them. To think I got so lucky to run into him in this very building. To think all of this would go this far. How far we’ve come…

To think of everything we had to go through. Not even just with each other, but who we were with before. Bad relationships and situations that formed us, but slowly unlearning everything and having to learn with each other. To try and trust each other. And this was our payoff; this was the reward. And it was worth it.

There was a quiet murmur of curiosity from Fit, as if he could feel the shift in Pac’s mind, and Pac let himself smile as he traced Fit’s hand with a trailing finger, feeling the man quietly squeeze him in response before Pac spoke softly, full of melancholy and gentleness that echoed along with his thoughts, “It’s just crazy to think about how so much time has passed since we were first here. Where things have gone from then to now. It’s kind of nice to take a moment and just… Soak it in. All of the adventures, the challenges…”

“Challenges mostly from me,” Fit noted with a faint huff that ruffled Pac’s hair. He glanced back at him to see the glimpse of mist across the man’s expression, lightly resting his chin back on Pac’s shoulder but having a mild furrow in his brow while he stared out at the dining scene beyond. “Me and my stubborn fucking devices; I didn’t really make anyone’s lives easy for a bit.”

Still too hard on himself after all of this time… We’ll get there eventually. Pac reached for his spare hand and lifted it to Fit’s face, kissing it softly and smiling faintly at the soft flush across his cheeks when Pac turned to his side, staying tucked in him but able to face him directly. He kept his voice patient and earnest, nothing but honest as he reassured quietly, “We got through it, Fit. You changed. You let yourself heal and open up, and you keep proving that you’re learning and changing for the better. You’ve been forgiven for all of that, I promise.”

Fit didn’t respond directly to him, Pac only feeling a soft rumble coarse through his shoulder and run down his back where the vibrations spread to. But Pac let go of his hand and lightly ran his finger along his chin and cheek, carefully guiding his face around to him to meet his eyes intently. His look and words were pointed, but Pac felt nothing but love and promise in his heart that reflected in his gentle voice, “Fit, you know we all love you even because of that, right? We cared even when you lashed out. There’s a reason we fought for you even when you were treating us the way you did. We knew something else was going on, and we just wanted to help you. And look at you now. You’re leagues beyond when we first met.”

Fit took a slow, shuddering breath, but his eyes didn’t leave Pac’s as he gave him a slow nod. Only when he took another deep breath did he finally glanced back out at the scene, this time a more reminiscent look crease over his face- as if there were a mirror right beside him he was peering into as his grip tightened slightly on Pac; not painful, simply grounding that Pac naturally leaned into. “Yeah… It’s easier to believe it now with you.”

With me. Pac’s chest had an instinctive flutter, a similar rush to the moments he had seen glimpses of the Fit he saw now throughout their time getting to know each other, the pique of interest and hope. He tilted his head to him, resting it on his chest as he blinked up at him with the fluttering feeling lingering as he echoed wondrously, “With me?”

Fit gave him a shy smile, another tug at Pac’s chest that made him sneak for his hand again, twining his fingers around him as Fit turned back to him with another nod, another breath that filled his lungs and came out easily around his smile. “Just… Where we’re at now. Everything you’ve told me, everything that… We are now. It’s easier to see myself as… Human.” His voice dropped a little again, the clouds across his expression returning briefly before they were fended off by another squeeze around Pac’s abdomen. “Worth loving despite my mistakes. Learning and trying to grow past those to be someone worth knowing, remembering. Loving.”

Even with the progress, hearing the wisps of his words falling off of his lips still made Pac’s heart ache even more tenfold- for a time before those thoughts could even sneak in, for Pac to be there for it and hold him until the thoughts had zero chance of starting in the first place. Sometimes I do wish for that; that I had known him sooner, that we didn’t have to go through the pain and agony that we did to get to each other. But maybe we had to realize what actual love looked like with each other. Though I wish it didn’t come with the costs it did for him, going through so much and still feeling so guilty for who he was…

Pac lifted his hand up to his lips again and kissed it more firmly, seeing the ghost of a smile on Fit’s face before he glanced back up at, making sure his words were intent when he reassured once more with trails of softness within, “You are, Fit. You absolutely are worthy of all of that. And I am more than honored to be that person for it, if it helps you believe it. No matter what I am to you, I’m just… Happy to be here beside you. And I don’t plan on going anywhere; I’m going to stay right here and help you in any way I can to realize how important you are. How loved you are.”

Fit’s smile remained and lingered, taking Pac’s hand this time around and planting a kiss with the imprint of his tilted lips, Pac feeling the heat from his cheeks crawl up to his ears. But then he saw a flicker on the man’s expression; a moment's hesitation that made his chest lurch slightly unsteady before his eyes found Pac’s, searching and careful alongside his cautious words, “I guess we should… Talk about us. Maybe clarify and set up expectations with things going forward. Just with… The fans, the band as we keep getting more popular. Overall just… Make sure we’re on the same page.”

Oh. That… That makes sense. But even with the common sense in his face, the gentleness in the other man’s eyes, Pac couldn’t help the vertigo sweep that would’ve made him teeter had he not been in his arms. He swallowed, trying to shove away the rocks scraping his throat as he gave him a small nod, trying his best to smile around it. “Right… Yeah, that’s… Yeah. Good idea.”

And it is a good idea. Pac could agree, trying to push that thought to the forefront. But he couldn’t help the next pitfall that made his breaths quiver briefly, that made him curl his arms in closer while he shifted in Fit’s hold. For a moment, despite the hope and warmth shining through, there was a lapse of an icy grip on his heart that squeezed before letting go. I just… Remember the last time I had a conversation about this. It… Did not go well. At all.

But there was a tight squeeze of his hands, followed by the fingers running up his arm to sweep his neck and cup his chin. It was all in a quick flicker of movement, Pac’s chin tilted up and his cheek getting brushed by Fit’s fingers as the man turned him to face him directly, eyes staring down at him intently. But even with the emotion within them, Pac’s chest and body flushed with the heartfelt sincerity, with the raw adoration within as Fit took a deep breath, the hand still wrapped around him tugging him closer. Pac bit his lip, giving him his full attention despite the fearful yank in his heart as he nodded to him, showing that he was ready to listen.

Because even when it happened last time, he wasn’t holding me or looking at me like this. He wasn’t even as nearly as fond or caring. It’s not him. It’s Fit.

And it didn’t change, not for a moment as Fit stroked his cheek for a few more beats before he spoke, voice slow but full of thought and heartfelt sincerity, “Pac, I need you to know moving forward that I don’t want to hide you. I’m not ashamed of you. I would happily tell the world I’m dating you, but… I know we need to be realistic about things. I know we might need to be careful. I’m okay with whatever we need to do. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or feel like you need to hide any part of yourself. Or hide us.”

There was a contortion in his face, a ghost of an expression that made a flicker of fear appear in Fit’s own gaze as he made the realization of comparisons. But Pac beat him to it, quickly wrapping his hand around the one on his face and giving it a comforting pulse, kissing the tips of his fingers lightly before speaking out the thoughts for him in soft assurance, “I know, Fit. I know you wouldn’t. You’re already ten times better than he ever was, don’t worry.”

Fit wrinkled his nose, the intensity of the moment breaking as one of his brows arched to take Pac in skeptically, the tone of his voice humored along the same line with a quiet snort. “That’s not a great bar.”

He’s right… Pac could feel the smile return to his face despite the topic, the gentle butterflies fluttering in his chest with pulsing warm wings to fill him with light. He tapped his nose as he let his hand drop, letting his own fingers run along his neck and the sneak of his collarbone before he gave him his smile, musing softly alongside a breathless chuckle, “Oh, hush. You know what I mean.”

Fit cracked a weak smile in response, but Pac could feel the nervous energy thrumming under his skin, evident in the heavy swallow as his eyes scanned Pac’s face intently. Pac studied him for a moment as well, letting his thoughts shift around before letting the realizations come in like a slow melody; a cautionary hum, bound to be beautiful if woven well. He’s right. I do think there’s some truth to all of it, some understanding. But he was much more caring about it instead of making it feel like it was always a publicity stunt. He actually cares about me- about us.

And I do too. And I care about us enough that… I can agree with him. That this is for our safety for now; for us to figure it out before putting it out to the world. I can agree that things could get spoiled if it’s out in the open while we’re still working it out. I want this relationship to work, and that added stress… Neither of us need that. We should get a chance to enjoy this, to enjoy us, before sharing it with everyone. It honestly sounds… Kind of nice.

With that, Pac took in another breath before his hand found Fit’s free one once more, holding it close to his chest and brushing his fingers with his when he responded, agreeing carefully, “I do agree that we should be cautious, though. I’m proud to be with you too, Fit, but I understand. We can talk to Tubbo about some things too and see how we can navigate it. With the rising popularity, a new relationship could be… Risky? Unsteady? I don’t know if those are the right words.”

Fit nodded instantly when he was finished, his fingers combing along Pac’s in comfort while his reassuring nods continued. He let out a faint sigh, but his smile was quiet and warm as his eyes searched over him, Pac feeling another heated flicker in his chest before he spoke, thoughtful and in quiet earnest, “No, it makes sense. I get it. It’s worth the risk, though. It always will be. I want to start this; I want to be with you, regardless of the public or not. I’m willing to risk that.”

There was a swell through Pac’s body, one almost too full of light to speak as brief glimpses of memories came back; of sharp words and cold eyes melting instantly under Fit’s words and the glow of his warm brown gaze instead. But he smiled and nestled back into him, tracing his wrist after his fingers had stilled as he nodded, returning back on track with gentle sincerity, “It is, and I want it too. But being safe isn’t a bad idea. Enjoying just our company for a while isn’t the worst thing, either.”

There was a soft pull in Pac’s gut, a deeper warmth that spun around as he reached up to skim a finger along Fit’s cheek once more, seeing the faint bloom of color under his touch as he added with a smirk tugging his lips up, “Maybe there’s also a small part of me that wants to keep you to myself for now, too. A mix between showing the world you’re mine and just… Keeping you as mine. I want to be able to call you mine without the rest of the world fighting for it right now.”

Pac’s words were like a spell; the muscular man beside him was soon a blushing mess, eyes widened in surprise, and Pac couldn’t help his extensive giggles as his lips peeled open and shut rapidly before Fit was able to find his words, further spells of triumph shooting through Pac when he heard the man stammering under Pac’s touch, ”W-Well… That’s, uh… Not- That’s- That’s not an issue. We can- we can do that.”

Not to mention alongside everything else, making him flustered is the sweetest and cutest thing. It’s nice to feel like I actually have that effect. Pac couldn’t control his giggles, earning a few curious looks from those lingering nearby, and Fit was quick to press a hand to his face to try and silence him; a clasp that was light and teasing as Pac pulled it off easily, grinning like the sun up at the explosion of crimson crossing his cheeks. “Oh my God, Fit, look at you. You don’t normally get this flustered, do you? You’re so red!”

“No! Shut up!” Fit protested, his hand clasping back over Pac’s mouth once he dissolved into more laughter. A cracking smile was making its way through Fit’s face, as if he truly couldn’t help it, sending more warmth and affection through Pac as the man shook his head, the other hand around Pac squeezing him tightly to try and nullify him somehow as his eyes flashed with his breathless demeanor. “No, I’m not! It’s just- It’s fine, I don’t, I’m- I’m fine!”

Pac didn’t say anything for a while, simply arching his eyes and watching the man in front of him crumple as he hid his face in his hands, groaning softly. Pac’s giggles came softer, mellowing as he waited for Fit to ease himself from his flustered state before he let out a sigh, one aggrieved until he peeked through his hands and gave him a smile that swirled his heart around, a mixture of his own flustered state when Fit was able to speak again in a hushed mumble, “Jesus. You put a goddamn spell on me, I swear. No one else can make me this much of a fucking mess besides you.”

Pac’s body bloomed with warmth once more, taking a moment to blink through his own shyness as he nestled back into him once again, taking advantage of being close at last as he let himself admit faintly, “It’s kinda fun, honestly. It’s nice to feel like someone is attracted to me, you know? That they can get flustered by me. I was always the one getting flustered, and he never seemed to be in awe of me much. Kinda glad someone likes me enough to be flustered by me.”

There was a long pause, one that made Pac’s nerves prickle for a moment until Fit was bringing his face in close again, hand brushing his cheek and cupping it to look into his eyes. Only honesty, only sincerity and adoration continually making Pac hide into himself with the intimacy of it all as Fit took his own time to reassure him, his voice dipping deeper with intent, “Pac, you take my breath away every day. And if it takes even more fawning and compliments to make sure you believe that, I’ll be more than happy to provide. I know the rest of the world already adores you, but I’m on the same page- Maybe adorning you myself away from the rest of the world is what I want right now. Calling you mine and making sure you know it- I wouldn’t mind that at all.”

Oh, that’s… It was Pac’s turn to dissolve into a flustered mess as every nerve and thought gushed away under flaming mush, blinking fast and seeing Fit’s features mold over into a triumphant smirk as Pac gaped up at him. He could feel the buzzing swathe over him, trying to clamber out of it, but he was still dizzy with the confession and realizations as his words fumbled out through his lips, “Oh. Well… That’s… That’s nice. Good to see it goes both ways.”

“I think that’s how it’s supposed to be,” Fit noted with a touch of softness, the two of them exchanging a gentle and knowing look before they leaned into each other once more, Fit’s hand idling on the back of Pac’s neck and toying with the hairs there. As Pac leaned into the touch with a content sigh, his system gradually melding back into normalcy from the melting swell he was, there was a chuckle from Fit as his eyes flicked outwards, a half smile on his lips. “So just us for now, no fans. Us and our two very insistent friends who have apparently known forever about our crushes and watched us suffer.”

Pac laughed quietly, the image of two triumphant women’s expression making home alongside every image saved in his mind of Fit. Paired together with the band’s memories, all Pac could feel was a gratitude that flourished over him; the patience and care they had, staying out of their way to let it happen while still encouraging. It reminded him of their own journey; Bagi’s frantic panic, the tears of terror in Tina’s eyes… They had their own story; their own beautiful becoming. And we didn’t intervene much with them either; we were simply there as support and comfort. Look at all of us now. I'm glad we all got our happy ending.

He drifted out of his memories, chuckling again as his smile lingered with Bagi and Tina’s faces still remaining when he mused warmly, “Yeah. I get it, though. They wanted us to figure it out and not intrude. I’m sure they got a kick out of watching our story unfold similar to theirs.” He snuggled in closer to Fit, a dreamy sigh escaping his mouth with laughter-filled images creeping into his mind, seeping off of his tongue, “It’ll be fun, though. Double dates, hanging out and creating music, going farther and farther than ever before… It’s really a dream. This is how I’ve always wanted it to be.”

There was a longer pause than Pac was expecting, his eyes flicking up to Fit with a slight tilt of his head in question. The man took a moment, breathing deeply in before his gaze finally found Pac’s; hesitant but hopeful, scanning him almost desperately and making Pac’s heart twinge with the drift of uncertainty within his dark gaze as he finally asked quietly, “Is it enough? I mean, I just wanna make sure after all of this, with everything… Are you happy? Even if we don’t announce it publicly for a bit, are you… Happy with all of this?”

Pac was silent, blinking slowly and staring at him as he considered his question. For a moment, Pac let his memories quietly drift back to him- from many months ago, from times even before that. The shroud of darkness that followed him for so long, that suppressed him and clamped him, making it hard to breathe or pursue anything beyond what he was told to do. Controlled at every corner, unable to truly delve into what I was passionate about. Believing that I had true love when he wouldn’t even let me be myself… He wasn’t ever proud to be with me. I was nothing to him.

The slow shift; the start of everything when he found Fit in the booth they were situated next to now. The connection of having Bagi in his life again, introduced to Tina and Fit alike and getting to know them… Finding his spark again, finding connection and hope and love all at once through the three pairs of eyes he let himself be open to… The laughter from them all that made the darkness seep away, the promises and gentleness that made up for it all tenfold. That gave me my passion back. That helped me find myself again after everything…

I never thought I could have this; I never thought I could be successful without Cellbit. He made me believe I could never do it again. And now that I have, I just… It’s still so unbelievable to me. I just want to embrace it all. I want to believe it’s all actually real. I’m getting better with it, but it’s not… Not a one-day process. Or a linear one.

But it’s better. So, so much better. And it’s all I’ve ever wanted- to feel okay again. To have friends. To be loved. This is so much more than I was expecting, and it’s more than enough.

And so Pac quietly wound his fingers around Fit’s again, soaking in the intimate moment and glancing around the scene before he responded, voice low but soft, “When I first started this band, it was because I wanted to continue doing something I loved- I wanted to try and find my bigger spark for it that I lost and hopefully find that love and passion for it once again. I was convinced someone I grew to hate had ruined it for me. But now? It’s led me to my most favorite people in the world and even more success than my last band had- it’s led me to have more passion, more heart and joy than I ever had for it before.”

He turned to Fit; to the careful, thoughtful eyes that were filled with so much uncertainty and hesitance that reflected his appearance months ago. Pac squeezed his hand tighter in response, his other hand reaching up to rest on Fit’s heart, feeling it thud steadily under his palm before smiling up at him, feeling his eyes well lightly with tears before he chuckled, keeping his voice soft but full of love, “In a way, I almost wanted to rub it in Cellbit’s face- to show that everything really is better without him. And maybe now, maybe I subtly have after confronting him. But now that he’s gone, I just… I just want to live. I want to keep going with my best friends in the world, performing my heart and soul out and doing something I love again. I’m here again, I have my love and passion again, and I just… I just want to keep going. As long as I can.”

Pac’s eyes searched him even further, looking straight into the warm brown depths he had fallen for. From a superficial admiration of his bittered bite and charming looks to a deeper swell for the man under the surface, loving Pac just the same… The soulmate I always wanted and still can’t believe I have. So kind, selfless, gentle and patient… And he’s mine now, after months of quiet building and then heartaching anguish on both ends.

I would go through it all again, though. If it means I’m right here with him. I’d do everything, everything with Cellbit and everything we’ve gone through, if it meant I would have him. He was worth it. He’s always been worth it.

Pac lifted his hand to touch Fit’s cheek, the man blinking slowly at him while his features softened as Pac’s own voice grew softer, loving, unafraid and melting as he whispered, “And finally being with someone who loves me as much as I love him. Finally finding that soul person and not having to hide myself anymore. I have that.”

Fit’s eyes reflected Pac’s own tears, welling up and having him blink quickly as Pac’s heart caved with the vulnerability, the raw emotions in his eyes unyielding to Pac’s gaze. He leaned up and gave Fit a long kiss on the cheek, one that the man leaned into until Pac pulled away, both hands now up and cupping his cheeks to give him a tearful grin, small but glowing as they were saturated from the sunlight outside and the golden glow around them. “So in the end, yes. I am happy, Fit. So, so happy. And I’m more than ready for whatever comes next. I have the girls. I have the band. I have my music, my singing. I have the fans. And I have you. I’m probably the happiest man in the world.”

The collapse of relief and joy that flooded Fit’s face made Pac want to bundle him away, keeping that expression only for himself as one of his hands came up to brush at Pac’s cheek and the hair flowing over his face, helping to keep it away. His eyes trailed on the dark strands before they returned to Pac, aglow from the light they were underneath before he gave him his own smile, eyes and lips heavy from his own memories when he murmured thickly, “Well, you and I both. I’m happy too. After so long, I finally… I can finally feel at ease. I can finally be myself, vulnerable and all. I can let myself feel, I can let myself love. I have friends. I have my family again. I have my own passions coming back to me. And I have you.” His hands tightened on Pac, a weak but warm laugh leaving while he repeated it like a heartfelt oath, ”I have you.”

The genuine emphasis, how strongly it came from his lips as if unearthed right from his heart… Pac stared at him for much too long, eyes flickering between his lips as his chest heaved with his words, longing and adoration overflowing until he was able to control himself and offer Fit a weak giggle instead, followed by a wry grin and the question with an obvious answer: “We’re not gonna be good at this hiding thing, are we?”

Fit’s laugh was short but bright, a ringing and hopeful sound even with it occurring more often than before. His grin was shining as well, shaking his head and wrapping an arm around Pac’s shoulders to tug him in, a warm kiss on his forehead before he heard his words formed around a grin in reply, “Nope. Not one bit. But we’ll give it our best shot. I think we’re gonna be okay either way- because we have each other, the band, great friends, and a bright future ahead of us. We’re gonna be just fine.”

Pac let out a soft laugh, one that sang through the walls and harmonized perfectly with Fit’s as they leaned into each other, snuggled and content while their eyes swayed over the scene around them. There was a muffled crackle, a fizz of noise on the radio- and then familiar voices were blending together, a recent number of theirs recorded and happily humming through the speakers right on time as the sun petered through to cast over the rest of the room and swathe over their shoulders. Pac’s chest warmed even further, reaching for the last of his drink on the table and passing Fit’s to him, offering with a knowing grin, “Cheers?”

Fit arched his brow briefly, a flash of nostalgia flickering over his gaze before he laughed once more, a clear and weightless sound as he lifted his drink without hesitation. He was certain and sure, standing with nothing but love in his eyes this time as he gazed down at the man he knew; the man he loved unconditionally, reflected right in his eyes and his voice when he agreed warmly, “Cheers, Pac. To our future.”

Pac giggled softly, clinking their glasses together as they took a simultaneous swig and finished the last of their beverages. But when their drinks were back on the table, Fit didn’t hesitate to swoop his hand in and scoop Pac’s cheek, tugging him in again for a deep kiss despite their public appearance with lips that shot warmth and love through every vessel, every fiber in his body as it glowed even brighter than the sun’s touch. Pac couldn’t stop the giggles, couldn’t stop the grin forming over his face when he stepped in and kissed him back, pouring just as much light and love into the kiss for his boyfriend.

And he wouldn’t dare stop himself from stepping forward, stepping into the warm lips and the warm embrace of the man who cared for him; who gave him what he was looking for at last. And with his arms around Fit, with his heart and mind melting and shining with relief, with joy and inspiration and freedom at last, Pac closed his eyes and embraced it all. 

Stepping forward; stepping into the light, into this new future we’re all creating for ourselves. For the band, for Tina and Bagi, for Fit. For me. This is our future now, where we’ll remain together and get through anything. We finally have our peace. Our joy. Our futures.

This is all I’ve ever wanted. And I can’t wait to see what else there is for us. I can’t wait to do it all with them; with love and light beside me. I’m ready. We’re all ready.

To us. To our future. 

—

And with their next performance, with the band filling the stadium seats and having numbers waiting outside the door, their hearts soared and sang with the voices and drums, the guitars and strums that lit the room. Everything warm and dazzled with energy, everything ablaze with love and perseverance for the months of waiting, the months of pining. The number was familiar, but it was an ode to the times before, to when they first performed it at a much smaller venue, growing beyond their expanses and singing it now as a thank you.

Goodbye, my love! So long!

An echoing chime that reverberated in the walls, that poured out beyond the stands of their audience. And when they took their final bows for the night, arms looped around each other and waving to their fans, their eyes strayed beyond simultaneously- to the roof, to the sky, to the world beyond that they were about to embrace.

But, of course, there was more beyond that they wanted to thank beyond words. But all the four could do was bow one last time on their stage and grin into the future- grin and cheer and shout with jubilation and victory as their futures stretched beyond, ready for them to take head-on.

Because now, they had each other. And they would beyond the stage, beyond the lights, setting foot into the future. They had each other forever.

Now and always.