Archive of Our Own

Perhaps Jason knew that subconsciously, he’d already decided. That didn’t stop him from hesitating in front of the door, from raising his hand once, twice, before giving up and pacing around a bit, only to wind up where he’d started.
Okay, he asserted to himself, okay, I’m making up my mind. Either knock, or don’t.
Easier said than done. Jason weighed his options.
On the one hand, he could return to his own empty dorm, where the lights were turned off, if he recalled correctly, and spend three or four futile hours trying to get back to sleep, probably only to end up having another nightmare, or a continuation of the same one. Alone. In the dark. Well, the lights were functional, but that was beside the point.
Besides, it was the wee hours, Percy was probably sleeping. What if he had lectures in the morning? How could Jason justify-
Jason recalled it would be Saturday, no lectures in the university in New Rome.
Still, Percy was most likely sleeping. It’d be kind of rude to wake him for virtually nothing…
On the other hand, just the thought that Jason would have to go back to his vacant, quiet living space made him feel like crying. Jason didn’t even know what about the nightmare had made him so shaky and upset – was it that his mother had been part of it? Whatever it had been, Jason felt completely off-center and he desperately wanted to see a friendly face.
Were Percy and himself even close enough for Jason to do something like this?
After they’d started studying here, in the university, at the same time they’d become better friends than they had been before. When Piper had broken up with Jason Percy had been there for him, which Jason still really appreciated. But they didn’t really ever hang out one-on-one or anything…
Well, how do you get close to someone anyway?! By trusting you could inconvenience them. Jason raised his hand again, but his determination evaporated as instantly as it had overcome him.
He had friends that could be considered closer somewhere in this dorm, didn’t he? Gwen usually stayed up late, maybe if he went to her… Why had his first thought been Percy, of all people?
Jason figured it might have to do with the dream. A lot of it circled around elements from the mission they’d been on together. Well, at least in proximity with one another. Most of the time. Jason realized he didn’t want to see just anyone, he wanted one of The Seven. Percy was the only one on hand.
Although, that seemed to be true in general, Jason thought, not without a twinge of bitterness. Piper was out in the mortal world, as was Leo, with Calypso and their garage. Annabeth was doing what she had been for seven years now – her duties as a huntress of Artemis. Frank and Hazel were at least in camp Jupiter, but they were swamped with work, being praetors and all. Percy was the only one of the once fated heroes with whom Jason talked on a semi-regular basis.
Furthermore, Percy was actually really nice to him, and he was understanding, and kind, and he’d probably give Jason a hug and let him cry on his shoulder for a while, which sounded stellar right about now.
Jason knocked thrice, loudly. Nothing. He repeated the exercise. In about a minute, he heard shuffling from somewhere inside. What if he had the wrong door?! Too late now.
The door swung open.
Percy evaluated him for a moment with a mild groggy surprise.
“He-ey.” Percy’s voice was hoarse with sleep.
“Hey. Did I wake you up?” Jason asked, although he could clearly see that that had been the case.
Percy huffed out softly, smiling a little. “Uh, yeah, a little bit, I’ll admit.” Jason was thankful he seemed to be taking it in good humour. “What’s up?”
Jason only then realized he didn’t really know what he’d say to Percy when he inevitably asked that.
“Um…” He began, cleverly. “It’s probably going to sound really stupid but… I, I had a bad dream and I didn’t want to be alone. So, I was thinking…”
What, exactly? That he could spend the night there? Wouldn’t that be a strange request?
Seeing Jason wouldn’t finish his thought, Percy took initiative, waving him in. “Come on, my bedroom is at the end of the hallway.”
Jason was immensely relieved both that he hadn’t been made to speak the words himself and that Percy had accepted him with open arms. When he walked past him, Percy closed the door and announced he’d be fetching him water, which was Jason’s cue to start towards the only room outside the corridor with a lit lamp.
Jason timidly sat at the edge of Percy’s unkempt bed while listening to him fumble around the kitchen. The bedroom was standard, but still pretty cozy – the bed pushed up against the corner to the right of the door, the wardrobe to the left, next to which was a desk, nestled between the closet and the windowed wall. The curtains were let down. At the farthest corner from the door was the source of the soft orange light – a single tall lamp. There was a nightstand with some miscellaneous belongings and a clock on it. It read 3:04.
Percy finally came in with a glass of water. He seemed to have woken up a bit more now. His eyes were still puffy with sleep, but somewhat brighter. His hair was a mess, strands of it sticking out in every direction, he had a cowlick on the left side of his head. The dark colour was only interrupted by a brilliant dash of white, a lock of hair stemming from where the partition stood, curved to the right. That, too, was a tangled heap with all the rest of it. He was barefoot, in the clothes he slept in – some oversized sun-bleached T-shirt and shorts that were almost completely obscured by it.
“Don’t sit like you’re grounded!” Percy laughed a little, gesturing for Jason to slide over onto the bed. “Come on, what’ve I got all them pillows for, lean on ‘em.”
Jason did, and Percy sat on his knees in front of him, handing him the glass.
“So…” Percy rubbed at his right eye. “A nightmare?”
Jason took a generous swig of the water to put off answering for a moment. He left the glass on the nightstand and nervously set his hands on his lap.
“Yeah.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“N-no, not really…” Jason realized that might be odd – what would he want Percy for, if not that?
“Okay…” Percy seemed at a loss for a second. “So… how can I help?”
“I, I…” Jason laughed nervously. “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought that far."
Percy gave a short bemused smile. He tried to fix his hair a little, to only slight success. Jason wished he’d leave it alone, it was cute. Percy seemed to come up with something.
“Want a hug?”
“That’d be nice.” Jason’s relief was probably visible.
“Yeah? C’mere.” Percy opened his arms and Jason appreciatively leaned closer, resting his head on Percy’s left shoulder, answering the embrace. “Hey, next time you can just ask me, it’s okay.” He said, sounding slightly amused, but sincere.
A pang of embarrassment briefly seized Jason. “Okay. Thanks. I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“It’s fine. What was the nightmare about?” Percy asked once more, nonchalant.
Jason hadn’t thought he’d want to share what little fragmented memories of it remained, but he found that in this warm, comfy position the words were compelled to pour out.
Jason recollected the few snippets he’d retained – something about his mother as a mania and Michael Varus, something about the initial return to camp Jupiter after Camp Half-Blood. It was mostly bad memories turned worse by his mind. Jason thought he’d calmed down already by the end of the retelling, but then Percy pat his head affectionately and held him a little tighter, and Jason found himself in tears after all. He apologized again and Percy told him it was alright again.
In about five minutes, Jason managed to collect himself and pulled away to wipe the tears off his face. Percy’s hand remained on his left shoulder. They were standing very close together – were there even four inches between their faces?
“Feel better?” Percy tilted his head to the left subtly.
“Yeah.” Jason nodded, earnest.
Percy looked off to the side for a moment. “You know… You can come over whenever you have a bad dream. I won’t mind…” Before Jason could respond: “I’d actually be glad.”
“Why?” Jason furrowed his brow, surprised.
Percy wrinkled his nose adorably. “Don’t be silly.” He didn’t elaborate and Jason was too distracted by feeling the warm breath he’d huffed out graze his face to wrap his mind around it. “Also, you can always ask me for a hug.”
Jason’s gaze slid from Percy’s bright eyes down to his lips, stretched in a slightly crooked smile, and the sluggish though that you were supposed to say something courteous to a line like that reached him, but by then it was too late to speak, because Jason was already closing the distance.
Percy’s lips were soft. He seemed a bit startled, his fingers closing into a squeeze on Jason’s shoulder. Jason felt his sides burning, his heart trying to leap out of his chest. The intensity of the moment stemmed more from the idea of the kiss than anything. The kiss itself was alright – short and sweet, nothing to explain such a reaction. The thought that Jason was kissing him, however, made him feel lightheaded and flustered and breathless.
Jason pulled back, meeting Percy’s wide eyed expression. No trace of sleepiness left now. He’d blushed.
Percy cleared his throat awkwardly. “…A thank you would’ve sufficed…” He commented.
What had just occurred finally reached Jason’s thinking brain. He sank away from Percy and into the pillows, raising a protective hand to cover his mouth for some reason he couldn’t name.
“Gods, I, I’m so sorry. I…” Jason shook his head, he might’ve even laughed, but he wasn’t sure through the blur of scorching embarrassment. “I don’t, I don’t know why I… I wasn’t thinking…”
“Okay.”
“Sorry, I don’t know why I did that and, and I didn’t even ask you or, or warn you or anything! I-“
“Jason, hey.” Percy leaned closer again, reaching out and taking the wrist of his raised arm. His voice was soft, reassuring. “It’s okay. Calm down. It’s fine by me.”
Percy lowered Jason’s arm to reveal his face again. There was something in his eyes, simultaneously playful and restrained, and Jason realized they were about to kiss again.
“Are you sure?” Jason heard himself ask.
“You’re the one that looks unsure.” Percy brushed his knuckles against the left side of Jason’s face. He could’ve sworn the simple motion left a burn.
In place of an answer, Jason pressed his lips to Percy’s. Percy cupped the side of Jason’s face and moved closer, to be in a more comfortable position, practically on top of Jason, pinning him down. Now that the initial overexcitement had mellowed out, Jason could appreciate the moment better. Percy was gentle and careful, making sure Jason had the opportunity to pull away if he changed his mind.
Jason wrapped his arms around Percy’s neck, instead, pulling him even nearer. He buried a hand in his hair, but his fingers almost immediately met resistance in the tangles of it. Percy winced, breaking away and huffing out an amused breath.
“Ugh, sorry.” Jason hastened to pull his hand out of his hair, even more flustered.
“It’s fine!” Percy might’ve been smiling. “Open your mouth.”
“Wha----!”
Percy’s tongue was in his mouth. Jason hadn’t ever been kissed like that before, so he stiffened, unsure what to do. It felt… both unnerving and elating to be so intimate with somebody. He was still being gentle, he vaguely tasted like mint toothpaste.
Percy pulled back, caught his breath.
“Just relax. Follow my lead.” Percy suggested, and Jason couldn’t say he was pleased to have to be getting pointers in the middle of this, but he nodded.
Jason didn’t know how much longer they spent making out, but by the time they parted lips to give it a break, Jason had been completely melted into the kiss. Jason didn’t know what made the difference between a good and a bad kiss of this type, but as far as he was concerned, this one had been pleasant on his end – a fine balance between held back and respectful, yet measuredly passionate. He didn’t know how he’d done…
Neither did Jason know what he was supposed to say now, how he was supposed to conduct himself. Percy was still leaned over him, between his legs, courtesy of Jason having opened them. Jason couldn’t concentrate while he was listening to his quickened breathing, seeing his face flushed red, feeling his hips up against-
“I need some fresh air!” Jason announced.
“Ah, okay.” Percy seemed surprised by the outburst, but he backed away, clearing Jason’s personal space.
Jason walked out of the room as fast as he could without outright running.

***

Jason hugged his knees to his chest, wishing he’d considered bringing a sweatshirt or something. Of course, he didn’t think he’d ever step out on the balcony, and the night was cold, even if it was May.
Much like his own dorm, there was a small balcony attached to the living room, just wide enough for a person to sit cross-legged, with standing room for about three or four lanky college kids. The view was one of the cobblestone street bellow, only three floors down. The street was deserted, the orange glow of the lampposts only serving an aesthetic purpose at such a late hour.
Jason groaned, exasperated, and sank his head into his hands. What the hell had just happened?!
Was he seriously that shaken up and unguarded that he’d just… done that with his friend out of nowhere?!
Had it been out of nowhere, though? Jason felt himself shiver, discomforted by the thought. He wasn’t into Percy. Sure, Percy was very attractive, there were no two ways about it, and Jason found his presence comforting, but that was a sober perspective he could have as a friend. It didn’t mean anything more than that.
Jason heard the floorboards of the living room creak, and his apprehension grew with every approaching footstep.
Jason didn’t look up when Percy came up to the door of the balcony, leaning on it.
“Hey.” He started, voice calm. “Want a drink?”
Jason paid him a glance, although he found it impossible to meet his gaze. He was holding a can of Cola. He seemed to have fixed up his hair. He was still in the same clothes, only he’d thrown on a sweatshirt.
“No, thanks.”
“Suit yourself.” He popped it open and it fizzled. “I got you a hoodie… You’ve been out here for a while now, and I figured…”
Percy trailed off and shrugged, while handing Jason the piece of clothing. He took it, appreciative though awkward, and tossed it over his shoulders.
“Thanks…” Jason thought to add something, maybe that he was a saint, but he stopped himself.
“Can I come sit?” Jason knew the question was coming.
“It’s your balcony.” He gave a non-answer.
Percy opened his mouth to say something, but he thought different of it and stepped out, instead. He sank down to a sitting position on the cold stone floor, at a fair distance from Jason. They remained in silence for a while, Percy sipping on his drink.
“So…” Percy leaned back on his arms. “How are we feelin’?”
“Fine.” Jason shot out, perhaps too aggressively. “Percy, about… this…”
Jason somehow managed to meet his eyes. Percy was looking back to him expectantly.
“I, I’m not gay.”
“Nobody’s saying you’re gay.” Percy furrowed his brow slightly, smiled a little.
“No, listen, I don’t like guys. I’m not attracted to guys.”
“Okay.”
“Not at all.”
“I got it!” Percy laughed softly. “Jason, you don’t have to like guys- Hell, you don’t have to even like me to want to be kissed a little.”
“I… Really?” Jason was taken aback – he hadn’t anticipated not being challenged at all on that point.
“Really.” He wrinkled his nose.
“I, I mean that, you really think that? Actually?” Jason raised a brow.
“Actually.” He nodded.
Jason looked off to his right, away from Percy. There was still a pit in his stomach, but he’d be lying if he didn’t admit talking that out had put him more at ease. He shuffled around, to relieve his sore body parts.
“Do you like guys?” The question slipped out of Jason’s mouth before he had the time to overthink it.
“M-hm.” Percy nodded.
Jason’s expression must’ve been comical, because Percy burst into laughter.
“I’ve never brought it up before?!”
“N-no…”
“Well, I do.”
“Are you… bisexual?”
Percy shrugged.
“Maybe? I guess that’d be accurate, but… Eh. I never did feel right saying that.”
“But… you are? Because you like guys and girls? Isn’t that right?” Jason furrowed his brow.
Percy raised his shoulders again. “Maybe? Sure, why not…” He considered it with an almost discomforted expression for a second. Jason realized that was probably a rude and intrusive question and he suddenly felt guilty for asking it. “But still… Putting it like that? Eh.”
“Right. Right, sorry.” Jason rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Uh, I, I think it’s cool by the way… I mean I… You…” Jason realized he sounded stupid, so he let the words die.
Percy scoffed, raising his drink to his face. “You don’t have to comfort me. I know you’re cool with it. But, thanks.”
Jason considered for what was most likely the first time ever that there was a whole lot he didn’t know about Percy, even though they were friends.
“How did you figure it out?” Jason was burning holes into the street out front with his stare.
Percy laughed again. “I mean… I just did? What kind of story do you expect? ‘Cause there really isn’t one.”
Was he subtly poking fun at Jason with those words? It sure felt like it.
“Uh…” Percy still tried to humour him. “Well, I think it just kind of… clicked one day. I mean, you get flustered by enough guys, the second shoe has gotta drop at some point. I was riding in the car with mom then, we were going shopping, and I just announced it as soon as I’d reached the conclusion.”
“What did she say?” Jason’s eyes had widened, despite himself.
“Nothing, really. What do you say? Probably: Oh, okay. Do we have paper towels at home? Add them to the list.” Percy gave Jason a short look. “You can laugh, by the way.”
Jason managed an embarrassed smile.
“Have you ever kissed a guy before?” Jason finally gathered the courage to ask.
“M-hm. A handful.”
“Oh.” Why did Jason sound disappointed?! Percy must’ve heard that note in his voice too, because he seemed to stifle laughter. Jason tried to patch the situation up a bit: “Well, you must’ve picked up the skill somewhere.”
Percy’s brows raised, he seemed pleased. “You liked it?”
Jason was sure he’d turned beet red. He didn’t trust in his voice to try and answer, so he crossed his arms over one another and shook his head instead. Jason vaguely realized that was probably mean, but he couldn’t collect himself and be diplomatic about this.
Percy coughed, uncomfortable. “Sorry. You’ve only ever kissed Piper, right?”
”Yeah.” Jason suddenly felt tired. It crossed his mind to ask Percy if he’d done well, but he would probably disintegrate from the shame if he did that. Instead, halfway joking, he said: “Where do you even find people to kiss?”
Percy raised his arms and shook his head, amused. “Just anywhere. Like, parties.” After a pause. “You’re cute. I’m sure if you were looking for that, you’d find plenty of volunteers.”
No wonder people were attracted to Percy, when he said things like that so smoothly.
“Speaking of, how come you don’t have a partner? I-if you don’t mind.” Jason quickly attached at the end of the question.
“Of course I don’t!” Percy assured him. “M-m… I think it’ because I need a person who I can trust completely, and… I don’t know, it’s kind of complicated, y’know, while being a hero and all. And not just any guy, you’re the Percy Jackson.” He paused seeming bemused with himself. “That came off pretty egocentric, didn’t it? But, you get it, don’t you?” Jason gave a nod, Percy returned it. “I’ve tried dates with mortals a couple of times, but that isn’t for me. Knowing I could never be fully honest with somebody who I’m also in a relationship with… No, that just isn’t for me. I don’t know how Piper does it with Shelly.” Jason was inclined to agree. “And as far as other demigods are concerned…” Percy grimaced. “Most of them view me more as a symbol or a myth than a real person. I’m sure you of all people can understand.”
“Yeah, I do.” Jason was kind of… astounded at that detailed explanation. “So… you’re looking?”
“Not really. Just goin’ with the flow.”
Jason wished he could have even half the devil-may-care attitude.
Percy covered his mouth to yawn. Jason remembered it was probably like four in the morning, and he was still keeping Percy up.
“Are you crashing here?” Percy asked.
“Can I?”
“Of course! Couch is all yours. It’s more comfortable than it looks.” Percy stretched out his arms from his sitting position. “I think I’m gonna head out…” Percy trailed off, giving Jason the opportunity to stop him, if he felt the need.
“Alright. I think I’m going to stay here for a little while…”
“M-hm.” Percy got to his feet, stretching out again, joints popping. He picked the now empty can off the floor. “I’ll go find you a pillow and blanket. G’night.”
Jason turned up to look at him, just as he’d started to step in. “Percy?” He looked back with a hint of a smile. “Thank you for talking to me. It… it means a lot.”
His smile brightened. “Of course. Any time.”
“Good night.”
“Night.”
Jason only walked back into the living room long after Percy had stopped stirring.

***

At this point, Jason had to have some subconscious ulterior motive. Why would he have found himself in the same situation again otherwise?
Jason couldn’t shake the sense of déjà vu as he lowered his hand for the third time, still not knocking on the door. He suddenly got mad at himself, at the ridiculous timing of these nightmares. He hadn’t had problems for almost five years now, right? He was turning twenty one in a month or two, that’s right. What was the deal with the dreams starting now?
Percy had invited him, however. Jason kept reminding himself of that fact. He’d said it was okay. That he’d be glad. What if he’d just said that to comfort Jason? Jason chased the thought away – he would choose to trust Percy was being honest. Here he went!
After knocking on the door once, he almost immediately felt dread pit in his stomach. But he’d already committed, so he found himself knocking a second time, then a third.
When he finally got to the door, Percy seemed about twice as exhausted as the last time.
“Ah, Jason. Come in, come in, I gotta give you something.” He didn’t even wait for a greeting, or an explanation, taking Jason by the sleeve of his T-shirt, pulling him into the dorm.
Jason couldn’t find his voice to say anything, or even ask. Percy led him into the living room, before he sat down at the coffee table and bent over a post-it note. Riptide was next to it, in its’ pen form, and Percy picked it up, quickly jotting a string of numbers down with the metallic, bronze ink.
“Here.” Percy handed him the paper after double-checking the number. “You got a pocket?”
“Yeah…” Jason took it, dismayed.
“Call me next time before coming over, okay? So you don’t have to stand out in the hallway, banging to high-heavens.” Percy rubbed over his eyes, trying to get the sleep off. “Also for any other time.” He added.
“Thanks…” Jason carefully pocketed his number.
Percy walked past him, in the direction of his bedroom. Before Jason mustered the confidence to ask if he’d be staying in the living room, Percy turned to him, brow furrowed.
“Are you coming?”
Jason nodded, relieved, following Percy into his room.
Percy threw himself onto his bed, slid over to lean onto the wall, before patting the spot to his right, inviting Jason. He sat there, leaning onto the pillows, squeezing his hands between his legs. No sooner than he’d sat down did Percy wrap his arms around him, gently pushing his head onto his shoulder.
“You okay?” He drew the words out, courtesy of sleepiness.
“I’ve been better.” Jason admitted, burying his face in Percy’s shirt. “I don’t remember the dream this time…”
“M-m. Yeah, been there.” Percy ran his fingers over the back of Jason’s neck, which sent tingles down his entire spine.
They remained in the embrace for a while, in a comfortable quietness. Eventually, Percy sighed.
“Man, you’re so warm I’m just gonna fall asleep like this.” He pulled away from Jason, seemingly missing how flustered he’d got. “I’ll get back to it, if that’s okay?” Percy indicated the pillows, already assuming a position to lie down.
“Yes, of course!”
Percy got comfortable, laying his head on his bent arm, turned towards Jason.
“Uh, should I go to the other room… or…” Jason asked.
“Sure. If you want. Or stay. It’s whatever.” Percy mumbled, half-asleep.
“I’ll stay here, then.”
“M-hm.”
Not two minutes after saying that, Percy was fast asleep. Jason watched him in a charged silence. He felt both cozy and nervous, being left to share Percy’s bed. He’d wanted to stay because he didn’t want to be alone, but there might’ve been something else. Especially when he was here again, Jason couldn’t help but think about what had happened last time.
He still couldn’t make heads or tails of any of it. Here, he’d proven he was capable of being comforted without immediately coming onto someone. So what had happened last time?
Although, would he have refused, if Percy had offered him? Jason evaluated, with considerably less distress than he would’ve experienced not two weeks ago, that he didn’t honestly know the answer to that question.
Jason examined Percy’s features. He didn’t remember ever having had the opportunity to look at him so closely before. He was especially cute like that – sleeping soundly, his mouth slightly open, starting to drool a little. He was snoring softly. His hair was somewhat collected this time. Jason reached out and twirled the white lock of hair around his finger, careful not to pull too much, until it slipped off and bounced up, before settling. Jason’s eyes slid down, over Percy’s frame, down to his bare legs, before he remembered to have shame (which with him was often in excess) and looked away, sides hot.
You get flustered by enough guys… Jason sighed, and cautiously tread through his recollection. How many times had that happened to him? Nay, how many times had he stared after Percy himself, distracted with admiration? Jason recalled, out of the blue, and with a certain discomfort, that one time he’d been hanging out, doing god knows what, with Will, Nico and Leo. Was it Will who had made the joke? Right, it must’ve been him. He’d been talking about having had a crush on Percy years ago. He’d said something along the lines of how it probably shouldn’t even count if it was Percy, and the other two had jokingly agreed. Jason had felt earnest relief then. He understood it was a joke, yes, but he still felt reassured, that it didn’t count. That none of those moments in which he felt an anxious, novel, disquieting attraction to him counted.
Percy stirred in his sleep, sliding his hand out from under his head, down to where the other one was. He’d closed his mouth and furrowed his brow slightly. Bad dream? Jason laid down himself, mirroring Percy’s previous position. Their faces were on the same level and Jason reached out, gently stroking Percy’s hair.
After doing that four or five times, Percy shuffled a bit once again, but this time his features softened. Jason smiled, feeling victorious, leaving the palm of his hand against the side of Percy’s face. He mindlessly moved his fingers to play around with Percy’s hair, and he emptied his mind for a while, only absorbing the sensations of the moment.
When Jason started to feel he might drift off as well, he got up and out of Percy’s bed. He took the blanket that was balled up into a heap at the edge of the bed and carefully pulled it over Percy. Lastly, Jason killed the light in the corner before walking over to the living room couch.
The blanket and pillow he’d got last time were still there for him. Jason found that kind of flattering.

***

Jason hastened down the stairs. Percy had probably been waiting twenty minutes already.
The two of them had started hanging out more frequently, after they’d had the heart-to heart. It was probably their third hang-out by the two of them already, when neither of them would’ve probably considered that a month ago. Jason had discovered Percy was actually an interesting conversation partner, as well as the genuine, kind person Jason knew him to be. He honestly felt like kicking himself for never seeing it sooner, even when it had been right under his nose.
Jason burst out of the front door to the dormitories into a sunny, warm first of June. The small yard Percy was waiting at the edge of was overwhelmingly green and bright. Jason broke into a light jog to cross the pavement and reach Percy.
“Wow, kind of you to show up!” Percy scoffed when Jason stopped in front of him and caught his breath. He was only poking good-natured fun at Jason.
“Sorry, sorry.” Jason waved his hand dismissively.
“Did the prince get his beauty sleep?”
“I warned you I’d be late!”
“Right, all that distance between the third and fourth floor.” Percy nodded, putting on a serious face.
“Oh, shut up.” Jason rolled his eyes.
They started in the direction of the bazaar in the relative center of the city. Jason walked to Percy’s left. He felt that second thoughts were creeping into his mind, so he decided he’d take a page out of Percy’s book, and just… be out with it.
“Percy?”
“Hm?” He’d been looking off to the side, and he turned to Jason.
“I think I’m bi.”
Percy smiled, neither surprised, nor obnoxiously smug, which was about the range Jason had been expecting. “Hah. Congrats!” He reached out and ruffled Jason hair, who huffed out an amused breath at the unexpected gesture, swatting his hand away.
They made it three or four more steps before Jason observed: “Ugh. This is so stupid.” Laughing: “My legs are shaking.”
“Okay, okay, wait a second.” Percy said, so they both stopped.
Percy took Jason by the arm and pulled him off to the side of the street. By then, Jason had had time enough to get flustered.
“Nervous?” Percy asked.
Jason rubbed the back of his neck, looking down and to the left, at a patch of grass and nodded, smiling almost apologetically.
“Hey, that’s completely normal. You’re telling me first, right?” Jason met his gaze briefly and nodded again. “Yeah, first one’s usually the toughest… Aw, c’mere.” Percy offered, opening his arms for a hug.
Jason took him up on it, appreciative. Well, he’d tried it – he couldn’t be as unaffected as he’d hoped. He didn’t even know where the apprehension stemmed from, but it was there all the same. Jason let out a shaky sigh, and Percy must’ve heard it.
“Everything’s alright.” He assured Jason in a soft tone. His voice was just lighthearted enough so as not to make Jason feel pitiful, yet also not condescending. “All is well. Right?”
“Yeah.” Jason nodded. “Yeah, it’s just… new.”
Percy pat his shoulder affectionately. “I get it. Thanks for trusting me.”
“Right. Of course.” Jason tore away from the hug.
They resumed walking, side by side. There were a couple of silent minutes, during which Jason came off of the spell of anxiety.
“You can make fun of me, by the way.” He finally interrupted the silence, breaking into a bashful smile.
“Oh yeah?” Jason didn’t need to look at Percy to know he’d raised a brow.
“Yu-up.” Jason took a deep breath.
“Nah, I won’t.” Percy nudged him with his elbow, lightly. “Everyone’s like that to some extent.”
“Okay.”
A pause.
“How did you figure it out?” Percy muttered under his breath.
Jason grinned nervously, for lack of any other response, and covered his eyes, pushing up his glasses.
“Sorry.” Percy also laughed, and the sound was contagious. “Sorry, it was just… S-so transparent…”
Percy had to stop, doubled-over, and collect himself.
“What happened to not mocking me, huh?!” Jason said, although his own snickering betrayed the façade of the accusation.
“J-just give me… a second…”
Percy’s laughter rang out over the street and Jason was relieved to realize that, rather than feeling like he was being made fun of, he was quite elated by his friend’s joy.

***

Over the next month, Jason had four or five more nightmares. Between them and Percy’s helping with the planning of his birthday, the two of them had started spending a lot of time together.
Jason had shared a lot with Percy – about his mom, about his life at camp, his struggles, both in an attempt to figure out why the nightmares were resurfacing and simply because Percy was a good listener. Percy had gone as far as to ask his anger management counselor to recommend psychologists who might help Jason, even through all of the other boy’s protests. Jason had tried one session so far, and he thought the therapist was nice, even if it was somewhat awkward.
Over many late nights, Jason had also been kissing with him a lot, compared to how little action he'd been getting in the last couple of years. He didn’t like to overthink the reason. Often, they would just hold one another’s gaze for just a tad too long, and, next thing Jason knew, they were making out. Jason told himself it was because he wanted to be taught and Percy did give him advice from time to time… but he’d be lying if he didn’t admit he liked it. It did wonders with calming him down.
Jason had also got into a habit of calling Percy pretty often, to the point where he fell asleep on-call with him multiple times. He didn’t remember ever feeling such a natural urge to call someone before and just… going through with it. Percy would talk to him for hours on end, and he’d also give him the occasional call.
For the first time in his life Jason felt... special. Sure, he had a number of good friends, who were wonderful people and had helped him through a lot… But this feeling was brand new. Percy was so earnestly interested in everything about him, so affectionate in all the ways Jason hadn’t known he’d lacked, so caring and attentive with his support. Jason didn’t think he’d ever felt a… love like that.
And, although the word love felt strong, Jason thought it was accurate. Percy loved him, and Jason loved Percy in return. It may not have been a long time of them actually being closer, but they’d been looking out for one another (especially Percy for Jason, he thought) and it had forged a bond.
It was almost startling how quickly Percy had become a fixture to Jason’s day-to-day life. Whenever something happened, Jason wanted to go and tell Percy. When Jason had to decide on something he would run it by Percy. When he had an errand to run, he’d get Percy to go with him. It was like a relationship, except with the pressure felt with impressing your partner.
Jason often found himself wondering if he’d ever felt so happy.

***

Jason finished up drying the last of the cups and evaluated his work, in a pleased disposition both with having completed the clean-up and the drinks that he’d had. It’d been a pretty great birthday. Everyone who could had come for his coming-of-age.
Jason went through the rooms one by one, looking over quickly for any trash or cutlery he might’ve missed. Everything seemed comparatively clean. It was probably two am already, but he knew he’d have wanted to do it even less in the morning. Besides, Percy had been there, helping, until Jason had shooed him away to wash the dishes by himself, since he’d done more than enough already.
It seemed Percy was still there – the balcony door was open. Jason found the idea of sitting outside agreeable, the dorm was quite stuffy. He poked his head out. Percy was sitting on the balcony cross-legged, looking through the metal bars of the railing.
“Hey.” Jason realized his voice was noticeably sweetened by the alcohol.
“Hey. Are you done?” Percy sounded about as affected, to his relief.
“Yeah. What’re you still doin’ here?”
“What? You don’t want me?” He grinned.
“No-o, stay.” Jason walked over and unceremoniously sat himself in Percy’s lap, facing the door, both legs to the left side of Percy. “You’re staying. No choice now.”
“Oh yeah?” Percy leaned back on the wall and raised a hand to clear some of Jason’s hair from his face. “You think I can’t fight you off?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Keep poking the bear.” Percy stuck his tongue out at him. “How’s it feel to be an old man?”
“Oh, you know, I’m dealing. How’s it to still be a little baby who can’t even drink?”
“Shouldn’t drink.” Percy raised a finger, correcting him. “I can, as you saw. I shouldn’t, legally.”
“Whatever. Still a baby.”
“One month of difference.” Percy groaned in pretend indignation.
“One month ahead of you.” Jason shrugged. “Hey, thanks for the help. And for the gift.”
“You like it?” He smiled, his eyes sparkled.
“I love it.” Jason readjusted his position. Swinging one leg over to the other side of Percy, he turned to fully face him, the pleasant buzz of the alcohol overshadowing any trace of apprehension. “You know what else I’ll love?” Jason pressed his forehead to Percy’s, who laughed.
“Don’t say cringey things, you’ll kill the mood!”
Perhaps with the very goal to shup him up, Percy leaned in and kissed him.
They were quick with the motions between that and outright making out. Why wouldn’t they be? They were used to each other at this point. Percy had said Jason had got better at kissing. Jason had always liked the way Percy did it. They clicked, and wherever they didn’t – they worked together.
Percy tasted vaguely like alcohol. Jason found himself wondering, at the back of his mind, whether or not he’d ever feel this comfortable with another person. Could he cultivate another relationship where he could just kiss someone like that without doubting himself? Where he could ask for advice and guidance without overwhelming shame?
Jason had known, for at least a short while now, that he really liked Percy. Honestly, why shouldn’t they bite the bullet and try going out already? If they were going to spontaneously kiss each other like that anyway. Save for it being official, how far were they from an honest-to-god relationship?
Jason pulled away, intending to share that observation with Percy, but he found he needed a moment to catch his breath.
“M-m… I guess your kissing’s passable…” Percy teased in an exaggeratedly critical tone.
“Well, whaddya expect? I can’t get into it, you reek of booze.” Jason retorted.
Percy noticeably stiffened under him. It was hard to tell in the limited light, but the flush seemed to evaporate from his face. His eyes had widened.
“Pers?” Jason couldn’t even muster his whole name amidst the confusion. “A-are you okay?”
Was he feeling sick? Was it what Jason had said?
“I, I…” Percy looked down. He’d flattened himself against the wall. “Can you please get off me?” His voice was strained with the effort of keeping it calm and even.
“O-of course!” Jason hastened to stand up and step away from Percy.
Jason almost walked straight back into the living room, but he stopped himself in time. He shifted his weight to his other foot, considered for a second Percy might want to be left alone, decided against that, then sat down, about a foot from Percy. He wasn’t paying attention to any of Jason’s internal conflict, crossing his arms and bringing his knees close to himself, brow furrowed.
“I...” Jason started, uncertain. “I didn’t mean it as an insult… Really.”
“I know.” Percy’s voice sounded very fragile. It made Jason’s stomach knot.
“I mean, I drank too, right?” Percy didn’t give any indication he’d registered Jason. “I was only joking. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t realize.” Same cadence.
“Realize what?”
Percy just shuffled, looking uncomfortable.
“Do you… want to talk about it?” Jason said carefully.
“It’s hardly a birthday conversation.” Percy laughed nervously, seeming to have regained some composure.
“Well… As the birthday boy… can I insist?”
“It’s nothing, really.” Percy said inconclusively.
Jason held his gaze onto Percy, suspecting he probably noticed that and it might incline him to speak. Percy opened his mouth but almost instantly lost confidence and shook his head.
“Pers, you completely froze up.” Jason decided to nudge him, then softened his voice. “Talk to me.”
“Honestly, it’s not a big deal…” Percy fidgeted with his own hands. “I kind of overreacted. Sorry about that…” He cleared his throat a little. For how much he was minimalizing it, he seemed very nervous. “I, it’s just that when I was small my step-father used to be an alcoholic, so… It was just an unfortunate choice of joke. That’s all.”
Jason considered once more that there was a lot he didn’t know about Percy. They had only been closer for a couple of months… Jason didn’t have many second thoughts about trusting Percy, but maybe he wasn’t as willing or capable of opening up.
Well, he was doing that now. Jason should try and make the most of it, instead of endlessly looking back.
“When was that?”
“Up until I was twelve.”
“That’s a long time.”
Percy shrugged. He seemed exhausted. “You learn to put up with it.”
Jason thought that observation was horrific, but he bit his tongue.
“What happened to him?” He opted to ask.
Percy told him, in no unnecessary detail, about giving his mother the gorgon’s head.
“Can I say that that’s cool as hell?” Jason asked when he was done with the retelling.
Percy smiled thinly. “Sure.”
“Well, that’s cool as hell.” Jason’s smile fell. “Was he… abusive?”
“Whoa, that’s a strong word!” Percy pulled back defensively. There was a pause. “Yes.” He admitted.
“Can I ask?”
“It wasn’t anything… spectacular or particularly noteworthy… My mother got the brunt of it. He’d hit her.” Jason must’ve grimaced, because Percy rushed to add in: “Never in front of me, I didn’t see it. But you kind of… surmise that sort of thing. As far as I was concerned he was just nasty to me. But, you know, he’s the kind of guy that’s easy to hate, so I at least didn’t have any attachment. From that perspective, I was kinda lucky.”
“Can I ask you something…?”
“Gods, I hate it when people lead with that. Come on.”
“Why do you keep diminishing it? It sounds terrible to me… You say he’s easy to hate… Yet you keep making it out as if it isn’t a big deal.”
Percy didn’t seem surprised by the question, only slightly more discomforted.
“Honestly?” Jason gave a reassuring nod. Percy swallowed hard. “I think that’s probably a me problem. I do hate him, why would I have him killed otherwise…? But, it’s just… I can’t help but feel like a petulant child every time I… say that that was abuse. I start going on this endless rotation of… annotations? Specifying to myself that I was a problem child… That he was a drunk, so his awful behavior was to be expected… That it could’ve been much worse…” Percy huffed out a breath. “There’s a topic for therapy.”
“I think… to some extent it’s normal to try and explain why people act terribly towards us.” Jason offered, timid. “That doesn’t make it any less awful, or somehow erase the consequences.”
“I suppose…”
“I just want to say… That’s horrible. I’m really sorry.” Jason considered his next words. “You should allow yourself to feel it.”
Percy only gave a noncommittal nod. His eyes dropped to his hands, set in his lap, and he raised them a little with a tired smile.
“Hah, look.” They were trembling.
Jason didn’t see the humour in it. He slid over until he was right next to Percy, their shoulders touching. He offered his hand, palm up, to him. Percy gave him a look, uncertainly flustered. Then he took it, breaking into a wan smile, and squeezed it appreciatively. Jason rested his head on Percy’s shoulder and snuggled closer. After a pause, Percy nuzzled into Jason’s hair. He was slightly, though noticeably shaky.
“Do you want to keep talking?”
Percy shook his head against Jason’s.
“Okay. Thank you for telling me.”
“Thank you for listening…”
“Of course! I’m here, whenever you need me.” Jason hoped that Percy could hear he was being earnest.
Jason ran the fingers of his free hand over Percy’s arm. His skin was soft, the hairs fuzzy. He was warm against Jason’s side, though still tense, and Jason found he simply couldn’t leave it at this. It was such a beautiful night and Jason felt so safe and happy with him that it would be downright unfair not to say anything.
“I love you, Pers.”
A second’s pause.
“Aw, I love you too!” Jason could hear the wide smile in his voice.
It had worked. Percy had completely melted.

***

When they’d gone back inside and Percy had said he should probably go to bed, Jason had asked him to stay.
When Percy had suggested he’d be taking the couch Jason had asked him if he seriously wanted to be all by himself.
Now he was sitting in Jason’s bed awkwardly, looking at him with something that was almost suspicion. Jason had just got done brushing his teeth. As he was climbing into bed next to Percy, the other boy asked him:
“What are we gonna do?”
Jason gave him an uncomprehending look. “I’m going to sleep? Don’t know what you’ll be doing… But can you do it lying down so I can cuddle you?”
Percy looked at him strangely for a moment, before scoffing with amusement and laying down, turned to his left. Jason spooned him, burying his face in Percy’s dark locks of hair.
“You know… Most people buy me dinner first.” Percy remarked.
“I cooked you dinner. That’s arguably better.” Jason retorted.
Jason was just about drifting off to sleep when Percy spoke once again.
“So… What’s all this?” Jason wasn’t sure what to infer from his hesitantly playful intonation.
“What do you mean?”
“What’s happening?” On the surface, he sounded nonchalant, but there was definitely another note Jason couldn’t read.
“Can you stop being vague? If you’re gonna ask something, ask.” Jason said, stifling a yawn.
“Come on, Jason. How many of your straight guy friends… Scratch that, how many of your friends, period, do you cuddle in bed?”
“Why would I have to…?” Jason trailed off and shook his head lightly.
“Why don’t you?” Percy insisted.
“I only wanna cuddle you.” Jason replied truthfully, hoping that’d shut him up and he could sleep.
It seemed effective, because Percy remained speechless.

***

At just over a week from his birthday, Jason found himself at Percy’s doorstep once more.
“Hey!” Percy greeted with a mild surprise. Jason figured it was because he didn’t usually visit him as early as twelve thirty. He didn’t even seem to have gone to bed yet. “Nightmare?”
“No.”
Percy tilted his head to the side, although Jason could see he’d already made a guess.
“I wanted to see you.” Jason said.
Percy was slightly and unmistakably flushed when he stepped aside and let Jason in.

***

“You know… When you said you wanted to see me… I didn’t think you actually meant you would just look at me.”
Jason covered his bashful smile with his hand, flustered. They’d been lying, facing each other on his bed for a long while now and Jason just couldn’t compose himself.
“Sorry, sorry…” He cleared his throat, but the moment he met Percy’s eyes his three second’s worth of determination he’d gathered left him.
In front of Percy, he felt lightheaded and inadequate, especially considering what he’d come here for. All of his words abandoned him. It didn’t well help Jason that wherever he looked on him, he caught himself staring – be it his lips, or the curve of his neck, or his fingers, mindlessly laid on the sheets.
They said honesty was the best policy, right?
“I really want to make a move on you, but I don’t know how.” Jason confessed.
Despite also seeming much redder than before, Percy assumed a light, joking tone. “Why don’t you try kissing me a little first?”
Jason sat up so he could lean over Percy, who turned to lie on his back. Jason cupped the side of his face with his right hand. His cheek was hot to the touch.
“Just kiss you without saying anything? Is that how it’s done?” Jason tried some humour too, hoping to calm his own nerves.
“Ask me, then!” Percy laughed softly.
“May I?”
Their noses were nearly touching. Jason thought he actually heard Percy’s breath hitch. He gave a nod, sides burning.
Jason pressed his lips to his, Percy buried his hand in Jason’s hair. Somehow, they both seemed more timid than usual. It took Jason a notably longer while to relax into the kiss and when he did, he found himself unusually acutely aware of Percy’s body against his own. That, and his scent, his taste, the soft sounds he’d made, once or twice, muffled through Jason’s lips, made Jason’s head swirl.
Jason pulled away to catch his breath rather sharply. Percy must’ve been able to feel the reason, considering his position under him. Percy himself was flustered and out of breath, but he didn’t seem to have had the same reaction as Jason.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jason asked when he found his voice.
“Yeah! I guess I’m just kinda nervous.” Percy admitted.
“Oh. I figured you were… More experienced than me.”
Percy shook his head no.
“Regardless…” Jason added. “You? Nervous? That’s my role!”
The comment earned him a bright smile from Percy.
“Seriously, though, do you want to… stop, or… take a break…”
“No, no. Keep going. I, I’ll get there.” Percy ran a nervous hand through his hair.
“Where do you like being kissed?” Jason thought to ask, figuring maybe changing the strategy could work.
Percy’s eyebrows shot up and he grinned with an idiotic joke undoubtedly on the tip of his tongue, but he didn’t have the opportunity to get it out, because he was already snickering.
“Sto-op!” Jason told him off, pushing down laughter of his own. “Seriously.”
“Sorry, excuse me, sorry…” Percy got ahold of himself, still grinning. “Uh, you can try my neck.”
Jason climbed into his lap, to be a bit more comfortable himself, and started with a kiss under his chin, moving down. His skin was soft and warm. It left the salty taste of sweat in his mouth when Jason ran his tongue over it. Judging by the way Percy was gripping his hair with the hand that was in it, he wasn’t lying when he said he liked it.
“How do you give a hickey?” Jason asked, feeling a little stupid for never having thought to learn before.
“Uh… You’re supposed to… use your teeth…” Percy swallowed hard, seemingly trying to gather his thoughts. “You bite lightly and you suck in the air.”
Jason tried it. Percy pushed his head into himself, so Jason supposed even if he wasn’t doing it right, at least it was enjoyable.
“Like this?” He asked, anyway.
“Think so… We’ll see tomorrow, I guess…”
Jason tried it again. It was all he could do to restrain himself and not sink his teeth into Percy’s skin. It may not have worked on him yet, but Jason definitely felt hotter.
On his third shot, it got a bit away from Jason, and even during the kiss he was already pretty sure he’d be leaving teeth marks. Percy didn’t seem to mind. Quite the contrary, he let out a soft moan.
“Jason…” His voice was breathless.
“There you go.” Jason breathed out.
They took a pause then. Percy’s eyes were narrowed, smiling in this... playfully suggestive way. Jason didn’t think he’d ever seen such an expression before. He slid his gaze over to Percy’s neck and ran a thumb over the reddened skin, where he’d bitten him.
“So… what now?” Jason asked.
“I suppose… we undress each other, first?”
“Each other?” Jason smiled awkwardly.
“I wanna get you out of your clothes.” Percy had definitely regained some confidence.
Jason was sure if he could have, he’d gone even redder. His heart was hammering in his chest.
“You okay with that?” Percy asked.
“Uh, I’m just kind of embarrassed…” Jason confessed. “But, you can try it…”
Percy sat up, too, placing his hand on the small of Jason’s back, their bodies still pressed together.
“No need to be embarrassed by me.” He said, voice soft. Jason smiled a little and nodded once. “Hey, if something’s too much we’ll stop. Okay?”
“M-hm.”
Percy laid him on his back, kissing him, slipping a hand under Jason’s shirt and running his fingers over the skin on his navel. Jason sucked in an audible breath.
“Is my hand cold?” Percy asked , his breath tickling Jason’s ear.
“No…”
As Percy pulled Jason’s shirt up, the first droplets of rain hit the window outside. It’d be storming all night.

***

“Turn your back to face me.” Jason instructed, seating himself on the bed.
Percy scooted over, knees bent under himself. He was in a shirt at least two sizes too large and he was looking at something on his phone. Jason thought he’d washed his hair when he showered, but it was dry now. A nifty trick, he had to admit. Outside it was a downpour, the occasional thunder sounded.
“What’cha doing?” Percy asked.
“I dug around and found this antiseptic balm, or something, in the cabinet.” Jason explained, already squeezing some of the ointment out from the tube. “Supposed to help wounds and the like.”
“Oh.”
Jason cleared some of Percy’s hair from the left side of his neck and applied the cream over a couple of bite marks. If he wasn’t mistaken, some of those should trail down his shoulder. Jason pulled the T-shirt to the side, to get a better look.
“This shirt’s mine.” He realized only then, mildly surprised.
“Yeah. You don’t mind?” Percy tossed his phone to the side.
“Of course not!” Jason scoffed. “I just hadn’t seen it in ages! I never used to wear it, ‘cause it was too large. Where’d you even find it?”
“Looked through the closet. It seemed like you didn’t use it.”
“It’s all yours.” Jason moved on to the right side of his neck.
He had to angle himself to see where one of the bites ended. Then, he took Percy by the chin and gently pushed his head into a suitable position, so that he could cover it. Percy obediently let himself be guided. With that, Jason was done, and he began putting the tube of medicine away.
Percy turned to face him. “Thanks.” He said, earnestly flattered.
“It’s the least I could do. I did all that, didn’t I?” Jason got up briefly to toss the medicine onto his desk, then sat back down.
“Still. You’re really cute.” Percy flushed a little and smiled. “Lemme get that for you.” He added, reaching out and patting Jason on the head.
Jason instantly felt his own hair dry. He didn’t know where the water went. Maybe into vapors?
“Ah, thanks… Did you style it in a silly way?”
“The silliest.”
Percy was at his most attractive when he smiled, especially in this mischievous way, and like many times before Jason found himself torn between leaving him be and interrupting him with a kiss. This time, it seemed he was in favour of the kiss.
He’d just about closed the distance when thunder sounded so closely it made both guys stop and turn to the window, with its’ curtains closed.
“Man…” Percy looked back at Jason. “Bet that’s your dad. He’s probably thrilled you’re getting it on with a child of Poseidon.”
Jason shrugged. “On the contrary, I like storms. They put me at ease. So, maybe he’s cheering me on.”
Percy grimaced, clearly feeling that to be a worse possibility, and Jason burst out laughing. He wished he could to snuggle up to Percy, but every place he wanted to nestle his face was covered in the ointment, which he’d have to wait for to absorb into the skin. Instead, he opted for the other thing he was in a mood for.
“Let’s talk about something. I’m feeling talkative.” He said, leaning back onto his arms.
“You are, huh?” Percy leaned back in his own turn, into the pillows behind him. “Like what?”
“I don’t know… Something vulnerable.”
“Do you have a suggestion? ‘Cause you’re welcome to start.” Percy wrinkled his nose.
“Actually…” Jason hesitated. “Percy… Have you… talked to anyone about Tartarus at all?”
His lighthearted smile extinguished. Jason was thankful for the sound of the rain on the window, which made sure they didn’t sit in complete silence.
“Where’s this coming from?” Percy raised a brow slightly.
“I just can’t get it out of my head.” Jason explained, completely honest. “Because Annabeth talked to Hazel and Piper as soon as you guys got out. I know from Piper herself. And then the huntresses… Nico shared it all with Will, and also parts to Hazel, to Reyna, even… And you… well, you never… Talked to anybody. Correct me if I’m wrong.” Percy didn’t look like he was even considering opening his mouth, so Jason resumed. “And, I’m worried, quite frankly. I don’t think… I don’t think it’s good that you’re bottling all that up.”
“There’s… no reason to be worried about me. I’m okay!” Percy tried a smile, but he himself didn’t look convinced.
“Well, sure… But, I still think you should… share that experience with someone.”
“Man, and that is your idea of pillow talk? Kind of a bummer.” Percy smiled jokingly, temporarily lightening the mood, but then he sighed, and he suddenly seemed infinitely tired.
Honestly, even though he felt guilty for it, Jason was kind of cashing in on the presumption Percy would be predisposed. He’d been meaning to ask him for a while, but he never found the right moment. Percy seemed so cheerful at times it was easy to forget he’d been among the only three people who had seen the Pit. His eyes never lied, though. If you looked closely, you could always see it in them.
Jason leaned forward, placing his hands in his lap. Percy looked like he was about to speak.
“Share with someone.” Percy repeated his words, as if sounding them out, and shook his head, furrowing his brow slightly. “Too little, too late, don’t you think?”
He hadn’t meant it as an accusation, but Jason couldn’t help feeling ashamed. It’s not like he had ever been there for Percy back then. He recalled their encounter with the goddess of sea storms…
“You don’t think opening up might… help?” Jason asked.
Percy only shrugged.
“Well, I want to hear it anyway. What did you say, about a person you could trust? I’m here. Try me.” Jason insisted.
Percy’s eyes widened slightly, he was unmistakably flustered. “…Okay.” He uttered.
Another short stretch of silence.
“Tell me a story about Tartarus, Pers. Any story. It doesn’t have to make sense to me right away.”
“I… I don’t honestly see the point, still. Sorry.” Percy actually seemed apologetic. “It’s just… I’m kind of over the horrors now, it’s been five years… and other than that, what is there really to say…?” He shuffled around. “Uh, I suppose I could give it a shot. Just… wait a second. I’m not used to this.”
Percy sat, fidgeting with his hands, his expression growing increasingly uneasy for a minute or two. Jason was wondering if he should maybe reach out and touch him, or give him a hug, or… But he didn’t know whether he should interrupt him that way. The downpour had slowed to a regular, cozy rain. Jason was yet again grateful for the storm.
Finally, Percy shook his head, or snapped it to one side, there wasn’t much difference. “Sorry, whatever I try to think of, I just keep coming back to the river. I don’t know.”
“The river?” Jason prodded.
“When we… fell, initially, we wound up in this river… Annabeth called it the Cocytus, I think.” Percy’s voice broke off.
“The river of misery?” Jason struggled to keep his voice calm, he felt his heart sink.
“Right.” Percy seemed to collect his thoughts. “The river was… sentient? I think that should be the word. It tried to drag us down, get us to give up on… well, our lives.” Percy scoffed, simultaneously amused and nervous. “It spoke. It said all these things… Imagine negative thoughts you’ve had, amplified and hurled back at you… And then that feeling…” Percy motioned as if to warm himself. “I don’t think I can put it into words. It was… so cold, and then that heaviness that pulled you down… and the hopelessness, the despair… You get the picture.”
“What… kinds of thoughts?”
“You know… Like, about how you’re worthless or useless, or you should give up…” Percy waved his hand through the air in an interpretative motion, seeming embarrassed.
“That’s pretty heavy.” Jason grimaced.
“Hah.” Percy mustered.
He seemed a little pale, so Jason slid closer and took his hand. Percy gave him an actual smile this time, however short, squeezing his hand back. At the very least Jason felt better, when his fingers were entwined in Percy’s, when he could feel the warmth of his skin – close, solid, much unlike his distant eyes.
They sat for a while in charged silence. Percy seemed to be mulling over something and Jason figured he shouldn’t disrupt his thoughts.
“Have you ever… Sometimes I just… feel like all of the bad choices I’ve made and all of the flaws that I have just… outnumber all the things that don’t suck about me. And I just wonder, how does anyone put up with that? How can anyone really like me?” Percy spoke in a quiet tone of voice. He was looking up at the ceiling, refusing to meet Jason’s eyes. “Do you ever get those thoughts?”
Jason had to give it a second’s pause. “It has happened, yeah.” He admitted. Percy finally looked back at him, eyes soft, and rubbed his thumb over Jason’s gently. “It might happen again… But, I trust my friends, and if they think I’m… worth it, then I believe them.”
“You are!”
“Well, so are you!” Jason insisted. “I know just saying it won’t solve anything but… You’re pretty amazing, Pers. And I don’t just like you, I love you. I want you to know that.”
“I-I love you too.” Percy seemed really flustered. “Gods, you’re being so nice with me that I… I just don’t know what to do with all that.”
“Accept it?” Jason raised his brow a little, bemused. “That you can do. Right?”
“Hah…”
“Hey, if you… If you ever feel like that… Or like giving up ever again, can you tell me?”
“You worried?” Percy huffed out, as if Jason was being unreasonable.
“I mean…”
“You… Please don’t be.” Percy seemed uncomfortable.
“Why do you keep insisting on that?”
“I don’t like knowing someone is concerned about me.”
“I can’t help it though.”
“It’s nothing.” Percy sounded like he was trying to convince himself.
“It’s not nothing! If you feel like giving up…”
“Not often. If at all. Really. I just have felt like that.” Percy hastened to specify.
“Right, you… you tried to tell me before.” Jason swallowed hard. The words were hard to say, but they were necessary. “When we met the goddess of sea storms.”
Percy grimaced. “Oh, yeah… Ugh, you remember?”
Jason nodded. “I just keep thinking about my response and… I’m sorry I didn’t really reply in any way… I just… dismissed you. It’s important to me, truly.”
Jason had maybe expected for Percy to tell him it was fine, as he tended to do. He hadn’t anticipated to look up from the covers between them, where he’d pinned his gaze, and to see Percy in tears.
In the first moment, Jason froze up, startled – he’d never seen him cry before. Percy himself seemed surprised when he shook Jason’s hand off his own and wiped one half of his face, staring down at the wet streak the tears left on it.
“Ugh…” Percy’s voice was shaking a little. “Sorry, just give me a moment…”
“Percy…” Jason put his arms on the other boy’s shoulders and gave them a reassuring squeeze.
“J-just a second…” Percy raised his hands protectively in front of himself.
“No, Percy. Let it out. Share it with me.” Jason cupped his face with his hands and Percy closed his eyes.
Jason cleared some hair from Percy’s face and planted a kiss between his eyebrows, before pulling him into a tight embrace. Jason passed his fingers through Percy’s hair, soft with having just been washed, giving off the faint flowery scent of shampoo. Percy hesitated for a moment, then wrapped his arms around Jason, face buried in his shirt. He broke down into soft sobs.
“That’s it.” Jason commented, his voice warm.
There was a pause, before Percy spoke, his voice slightly muffled.
“H-hey, about that… that thing you said.” Percy sniffled. “It’s fine that you didn’t know how to comfort me.”
“I could’ve done something more, though.”
“You w-were like fifteen, i-it’s fine.”
“I could’ve checked up on you…”
Percy shook his head. “It’s okay. I-I’m okay.”
“Percy, you don’t have to be okay all of the time! My opinion of you won’t change.”
A pause.
“You don’t believe me.” Jason said.
“W-well…” He laughed a little.
“Percy!” Jason scolded him with pretend irritation. “How can you keep fighting me on this?! You’re literally the kindest person I know! You always have something nice to say… And you’re so considerate… You always pay attention… And you get so excited whenever I’m telling you about something nice that happened to me… And that way you smile when you get even the smallest compliment… Oh, how you always get that chocolate brownie thing I recommended you from the café and it makes your entire day… How you react with a lightning bolt emoji when I text you… Ah, and whenever you sit down and you’re all cozy you make this adorable little ha-ah sound, it’s so cute.”
“Jeez…” Percy sounded more than a little overwhelmed and Jason wondered if that hadn’t been a little much. “I… Wow.”
“So there. You’re great. You can’t change my mind.”
Percy pulled away a little, wiping the tears off his face. He’d blushed.
“Aw, you’re cute when you’re flustered.” Jason caressed the side of Percy’s face.
“Stop with all this praise, I got the point!” Percy laughed, going an even deeper shade of red.
“That’s the smile I was talking about!”
“Quit it!” Percy was grinning now, despite himself. He sighed, his face falling back into a smile. “Thanks, Jason.”
“Any time.” Jason pressed his forehead against Percy’s.
“Kiss me already.”
Jason did.
Percy wrapped his arms around Jason’s neck, pulling him down until he’d laid on his back and Jason was over him. They took their time with it, gentle, intimate. It was completely different to the passionate, sloppy kisses that they’d shared earlier. Now that they’d slept with each other and the sexual tension had lifted, this moment seemed to be purely romantic. Jason was melting under Percy’s touch. He thought he could do this for the rest of his life, the rest of existence.
Jason pulled back. He was speaking long before his mind had had time to assimilate his words, to begin overthinking it. “I think I’ve fallen for you.” He paused. “Really hard.”
Percy covered his smile with his hand. “What a coincidence…”
Jason’s heart nearly leapt out of his chest with excitement. He laughed.
“Let’s go out then.” Percy offered.
“Yeah? Make it official?” Jason played around with his white lock of hair.
“Right.”
“Okay.” When was the last time Jason had grinned this wide?
Percy raised up a little and pressed his lips to Jason’s again.

***

They fell asleep in each other’s arms, with the gentle sound of the rain on the window.