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“Id move on. And probably forget about you,”
Her hands were shaking as Pomni cradled the gun to her chest, her breathing heavy. She didn’t want to shoot him. She didn’t want any of this. He wasn’t telling the truth, she could tell he wasn’t,, and yet it still hit her like a punch to a gut.
“Okay. Okay.. okay thats okay. Yeah. Yeah,, that’s fine. That’s fine.” She was shaking harder. She shouldn’t. She shouldn’t, she really shouldn’t. It would just make things worse. But…
‘If he wants to fuck with people’s heads,, fine. Try me.’
“I wouldn’t miss you either then.” Pomni looked him in the eyes, slowly raising the gun. And turned it to her head.
*CRACK*
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His ears were ringing.
He couldn't feel anything.
This was wrong.
This was all wrong.
She was supposed to shoot him. HE, was the villain. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to hate him. But. Why would she. How could she. Not again. Why did this have to happen again. I mean, intellectually, Jax knew she would be fine. Nothing was real here anyway. He had told her that himself, hadn’t he? But he still found himself struggling to breathe.
He could hardly hear Caine congratulating him over the sound of his own heartbeat in his skull. He had done it again. Someone was dead because of HIM. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t real this time. He could have lost her. Would it have hurt less, if it was real? He couldn’t tell.
He felt like he was floating, hovering over the circus, a spirit out of his body. When he suddenly found himself at the awards show he couldn’t even remember walking there. Just her face. The way she looked into his eyes, crying, when she shot herself. The way the breath caught in his throat and his legs collapsed.
Did the others know? Had she told them the truth? Was that why it felt like everyone was staring at him? Did they blame him, again? Like he blamed himself? Did they hate him for it? He half hoped so. He deserved it, for all he had done to them. He wasn’t even sure he didn’t hate himself.
When she walked in she didn’t frown at him. She didn’t even smile. She didn’t curse him out, or do anything at all. Just walked right past him. Didn’t even give him a glance.
Jax felt sick.