Chapter Text
“No, seriously, it’s okay, Choromatsu! How far along is she?”
“I’m telling you she’s not pregnant! We’re just getting married!” Choromatsu snarled, slamming his fists on the counter of the oden stand and making all of the plates and glasses rattle in response to this.
“Hey! Watch it!” snapped Chibita before he let out a huff and doled out another bowl of oden to Jyushimatsu. “Boy, you’re on number three of this! Where do you pack it?”
“E-Eh?” Jyushimatsu snorted awake and shook his head. “Haha, I find a way! Thanks, Chibita!”
“Jyushimatsu, when’s the last time you slept?” asked Ichimatsu as he watched Jyushimatsu curl up in the sleeves of his yellow and white baseball jacket.
“…Thursday?”
“That’s today.”
“Oh, wow! I guess it’s been a week then! Matsuharu’s just really spirited!” Jyushimatsu laughed. This trailed off, and he found his eyes growing heavy once again.
Todomatsu gave an impatient glance of his phone and set it back down in a huff, “I don’t even want to look at that stupid thing right now!”
“Wow, now I know something’s wrong with you… And seriously, Fappy, if you’re not having a baby, why get married?” asked Osomatsu with a raised eyebrow.
“Because we care about each other. And we have a lot of work coming up with this manga, so it’s now or never… And it’s hard for all of her sisters to get together, so we had to make it for when they could all be here,” Choromatsu explained with a huff.
“I can’t believe I have to buy three sets of wedding gifts… Maybe I’ll just get guys what I got Chibita and Shittymatsu!” Osomatsu said as he rested his head on his chin, not minding Jyushimatsu leaning against him to sleep. Ichimatsu dutifully reached over and poured some of the oden broth into the sleeping Jyushimatsu’s open mouth.
“You got us coupons for karaoke…” Chibita said flatly.
"Hey, it was a good deal!"
"They were EXPIRED."
“Sorry I’m late, brothers!” came a hearty voice, and all, save for Jyushimatsu, turned to look at Karamatsu as he walked up to the stand. Everyone was too focused on the second-oldest brother to notice Jyushimatsu snore and then fall forward into his bowl of oden.
He was dressed in a pair of black dress shoes, slacks, and a button-up white shirt that was decorated with a blue bow tie. His hair had been slicked back, although, given the long shift, it was starting to fall forward.
“What’s wrong?” Karamatsu finally asked as he noted the staring.
“You… You look… Not painful…” said Todomatsu with a mutter.
“One bowl, please, Chibita!” Karamatsu called out with a grin as he took a seat on the edge of the bench, next to Osomatsu.
“Yeah, ya got it, idjit… They gave him a dress code at this new place he’s workin’ now,” Chibita explained as he slid a bowl down to Karamatsu.
“Wow… I wonder if that’s why Totty’s gray now! You’re stealing some of his fashion sense and draining his very energy from him!” Osomatsu wondered, and Todomatsu glowered.
“I’m trying to plan a wedding and—OH! It’s them! Everyone be quiet or I’ll poison your drinking water!” Todomatsu hissed before he slid off of the bench and picked up the phone call. “Hello?!”
“Who’s he talking to at this hour?” Ichimatsu wondered aloud as he finally pulled Jyushimatsu’s face out of the broth.
“He and Hetalia-san are dealing with a couple of different countries, he told me… Everyone’s finding one issue or another with them, though,” Choromatsu explained.
“Hey, you and Hiromi-san don’t want kids, right? Maybe you should make them one! I mean we all have the same DNA, so if they’re cousins they’re all half-siblings too, right?” Jyushimatsu said in a rare, awake moment before he lulled back to sleep.
“....He’s been watching a lot of science programs late at night while he’s up with Matsuharu,” Ichimatsu explained after a curious pause from Choromatsu.
“Ask me about volcanoes…” Jyushimatsu said with a yawn.
“W-What?! N-No! We’re not—Especially when we haven’t---“ Choromatsu stopped himself short, but it was too late. He felt everyone’s eyes upon him, save for Jyushimatsu, who was in his own, sleepy world, and Todomatsu, who was pacing back and forth while on the phone.
“Still?! What’re you guys waiting for?” Osomatsu wondered.
“We’re just not at that point yet!” Choromatsu yelped. “We will be someday, but not right now! And that’s okay!”
“You… Guys know what to do, right?” Osomatsu asked cautiously. “I mean, if not, you can talk to us! Ichimatsu’s made two kids, I made two—At once! Even Karamatsu made one! That's proof any idiot can do it!”
“We’ll be fine, thank you…” said Choromatsu pointedly. All arguing stopped as they heard a growl behind them and watched as Todomatsu kicked over an innocent trash can, sending the garbage from it flying.
“…Must’ve not gone well…” Chibita muttered.
“Hrm… H-Hey! I’ve got an idea!” Osomatsu said suddenly. “We always talked about taking a vacation once a year, no girlfriends, kids, or anything—Well, let’s do it! We’ll just make it a bachelor party!”
“I live in fear of what your depraved mind could concoct…” Choromatsu said as he rubbed his temples.
“Come on! Let’s do it for Totty! He’s been so stressed out about the baby thing! And Jyushimatsu hasn’t really rested much!”
“That’d mean Homura hasn’t rested much, either…” said Choromatsu with annoyance. “Think about her, too.”
“Well… Nanako might help her, if I ask… She’s been excited about the new baby…” Ichimatsu said with a bit of thought. “And she’s been wanting to get more one-on-one time with Matsuko lately.”
“And Totoko can help!” added Osomatsu.
“And since when are you just calling her “Totoko”… chan… S-See?! I can’t even do that!” Choromatsu sputtered.
“I’m not quite sure I could leave Chibita and Jun alone,” said Karamatsu as he finished his bowl of oden. He said this, but he looked up at Chibita, questioningly, silent. Chibita gave a sigh of disgust and placed his hands at his sides as he found Karamatsu refused to break eye contact with him.
“Fine, I’ll do it! But I want those flower boxes up like you promised me!” Chibita snapped.
“You two are the most married couple I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been married!” Osomatsu muttered, clearly impressed.
“Well, what about the boys, then?!” Choromatsu asked Osomatsu. “You have your own kids to worry about! And you can’t bring them along on something like that!”
Karamatsu gave another pleading look to Chibita, and Chibita glared in return. This back and forth repeated in the silence of a standoff until Karamatsu finally said, in a low voice, “I… I’ll get you that mixer you wanted. From the catalog.”
“…I loathe you for holding that over my head….” Chibita returned with a glare.
“Well, Chibita, it’s not hard!” Osomatsu replied, reaching over and patting Chibita on the head. Chibita returned this with a punch to the shoulder that sent Osomatsu flying. Osomatsu, this the force he was thrown back with, overturned the entire bench with him, sending five of the brothers screaming crashing to the ground.
“Remember who’s watching your damn kids, ya idjit!” growled Chibita as he leaned over to tower over Osomatsu for a change, who was seated amongst a gaggle of groaning siblings.
“…Careful, you’ll lose more brain cells… And considering you’re all sharing about two I’d be really gentle.” Todomatsu cautioned them as he stopped and stood above all of them.