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***
“Detective Williams, this is Dr Cornett. I think you and your team need to return to the hospital as soon as you can, and if Commander McGarrett has any immediate family in the area, they should come to the hospital as well,” a voice on the other end of the phone told him.
A tingling sensation crept its way through Danny’s limbs and he opened his eyelids to find a white ceiling staring back at him. What the hell? Where was he?
God, it was like he’d been run over by a truck, his body ached, his lips were numb, his throat dry as a bone. He licked at the corners of his mouth, trying to roll his too heavy head to stare at a metal railing of a bed. Right. He was in a hospital.
“I love you dad and I’m going to be waiting for you when you wake up.”
He squeezed his gritty eyes closed against the image of Grace’s scared yet brave face. She was growing up too fast, too soon, and Danny fought the urge to drift back into an exhausted sleep.
“Danny, you’re an amazing friend. We’re pulling for you guys,” Chin said, gripping his hand.
Wait. No, he couldn’t fall asleep, not yet. Not ---
He’d been on his way in for surgery. Was it over already?
His stared at the blood pressure cuff around his arm, at the oxygen clip on his pointer finger, and the IV in his arm. He did not like having a tube in his neck and one up his nose.
We’re pulling for you guys.
Pulling for them.
Them.
And all he could think about as he lost the battle to sleep was --Had it worked?
***
When he woke up again, his head swam and his stomach flip-flopped with nausea. He brushed a hand across his face and realized the naso-gastric tube had been replaced by a nasal cannula, but nothing could take away the horrible apprehension building in his chest.
His breath hitched in his throat and Danny sucked on more oxygen, tasting something foul in his mouth, hating everything about post-anesthesia side effects. And he remembered pressing his hands against the wound in Steve’s abdomen, his hands coming away tacky with blood, a pool of red dripping onto the plane’s floorboards.
Steve who’d been bleeding out from multiple GSWs, who’d kept mumbling to Danny that he was dying. And who the hell did Steve think he was to dictate to Danny what was going to happen?
Heart hammering in his chest, he tried pushing himself up with his hands, grunting at the sluggishness of his body and dizzying results.
“Detective Williams?” A nurse wearing scrubs entered the room and walked toward his bed. “Detective Williams, my name is Emma. How are you feeling?”
Danny stared up at the woman, pulse racing. “Is he alive?” he demanded his voice hoarse to his ears.
Emma bent down and adjusted the IV line, keeping an eye on the bedside monitor. “I’m sorry?”
“Is Steve alive? Did he make it out of surgery?” When Emma didn’t answer him right away, Danny tried shoving himself further up in bed to no avail. “Is my friend alive? Did this whole thing work?” he demanded, waving his hand around.
“Please, Detective Williams, you need to calm down. Commander McGarrett is in recovery resting just as you need to do. So, please lie back and try to relax.”
Danny physically deflated, his muscles turning into taffy, emotions a whirlwind of relief and holy shit, and thank you God, and fuck fuck fuck.
“When can I see my children?” He needed to be with his kids.
“After Dr. Sung does an examination and you’re settled in, they can come tomorrow morning for a few minutes.”
“Tomorrow morning?”
Emma moved to the side of one of the monitors. “It’s one a.m.”
“It is?”
“The surgery took place almost thirty-six hours ago.” Her voice had a dreamy quality and Danny wondered when that had happened. “Your family and friends visited when you were in recovery, but you were very out of it. You’re in the Post Surgical ICU now and we have very strict visiting hours. But I promise you’ll be able to see them first thing.”
Danny allowed his body to mold into the bed, a dull headache at his temples, feeling very far away. He’d lost over day and a half. “Okay,” he mumbled.
It’d worked. Steve had cheated death again and Danny had given him part of his liver and somehow they were both alive. He covered his eyes with his hands and ignored how fast the sides of his cheeks got wet from tears.
***
It was hard to sleep when the nursing staff entered in and out almost every hour, and Danny felt like a turtle stuck on its back, tethered by wires and tubes. At least they took out the central line an hour ago.
After what seemed like endless hours of an exhausted haze, he heard the most beautiful voice in the world.
“Danno?”
Danny looked over as Grace entered the room with caution, Rachel standing behind her while holding onto Charlie.
“Sweetie,” he said, smiling. Grace rushed over, but stopped short of hugging him, looking at Danny then all the equipment and computer screens above him. “Hey, don’t worry about all this stuff,” he said, gesturing. “It just makes a lot of noise.”
Danny lifted his arm up as much as he could, and Grace leaned over, giving him a gentle hug; careful about putting any pressure around his middle. “I was so worried.”
“I’m all right. I’m sorry you were scared, but everything is going to be fine. I promise.”
“Is it?” Grace asked her voice cracking.
“What did I say? I promised you, right?” Danny heard her sniffle in his ear. “I admit, I’m not going to be running any marathons anytime soon, but in a few months, I’ll be back to my old self.”
Grace stood back up, and Rachel stepped closer, resting one hand on Grace’s shoulder, while the other still held onto Charlie. “Oh, Daniel.” Her cheeks were washed out, like she’d been crying.
“Hey,” he greeted.
Rachel’s face cracked a sad smile, her expression a mixture of worry and love. “You did an amazing selfless thing, you know that?”
Danny shook his head, not thinking of it like that. “I did what I had to.”
“Of course you did. Because that’s who you are.” She covered her mouth with her hand and spoke through her fingers. “And what about the future?”
Danny took a deep breath. “I get to live with myself.” He watched her face crumble. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat, for you, for Grace or Charlie. Steve is alive and in exchange I have to take some pills for a few years and feel tired the next few months.”
Sometimes life was easier when broken down into simple components.
“You flew a plane and landed it on the beach. That was amazing.”
“I didn’t have much time to think about to be honest.”
Rachel shook her head. “You always underestimated that heroic heart of yours.”
Danny didn’t know how to respond to that.
Charlie squirmed in Rachel’s arms and she eased him closer so Danny could rub his fingers through his son’s hair. “Hey, big guy.”
It’d only been a few months ago when Danny had been in a similar hospital bed, donating marrow to his son, doing the only thing in his power to help his child.
Danny basked in the glow of his family, feeling drained and wrung out, floating between talking and dozing, until he realized he’d zoned out. He saw his family huddled by the door, about to leave.
“Where are you guys …?”
“Visiting hours is only from eight to nine in the morning, but we’ll be back tonight,” Rachel told him. “Get some sleep, Daniel, you need it.”
Grace and Charlie both waved at him and Danny waved back, his head spinning with dizziness.
A nurse walked in asking him questions about how he was feeling, but the last few days had caught up to him in a rush and Danny fell fast asleep before he could answer them.
***
“We need you to sit up in a chair, Detective Williams.”
“Please, just Danny. If you’re in charge of attaching and arranging all of my tubes, I think you can call me by my first name.”
The nurse smiled. “All right, Danny. Are you ready?”
He looked up at her stocky frame then toward the chair, running through how sore and run-down he was feeling. “Are you sure about this?”
“Doctor’s orders. The sooner you’re up and moving around, the sooner you’ll heal.”
Easier said than done. But Emma, or was it Lisa? There’d been a carousel of nurses taking care of him and it was challenging trying to keep up with all their names. No, it was Lisa; she was middle-aged with dyed blonde hair and a honey-sweet voice.
Lisa gathered his various lines with expertise and helped maneuver him toward the chair only a foot from his bed. Sitting down was like dropping ten floors in an elevator and Danny almost tilted out of his seat.
“Take it easy, there you go,” Lisa coaxed. “Take deep breaths; the dizziness will clear up in a minute.”
Danny did as he was told, the lightheadedness easing with every exhale “Yeah, I got it. Thank you.”
“You’re doing great.” Lisa patted him on the shoulder.
He wanted to bark out a laugh, but he thought the motion might make his insides fall apart. “How’s Steve doing? Is he in a chair yet?”
“You’ll need to sit up for about half an hour if you can.”
It took a moment, but Danny acclimated to sitting up. “What about my friend? Steve McGarrett? He’s on this floor, too.”
“I’m not his nurse, but I can check on him if you like?” Lisa asked with far too much cheer.
It wasn’t the answer he wanted, but Danny didn’t have a choice. “Yes, please.”
“I’ll see what I can find out. Press the call button if you need anything.”
What he wanted was to know how Steve was faring, but all he had was a chair to keep his body from falling onto the floor.
***
Danny was already sick of sitting after only about ten minutes. He found the TV remote attached to the railing of his bed by a rubber cord, but the stupid thing was out of reach, and any movement other than breathing caused his body to scream in pain.
“Hey. You need a hand with that?”
Danny looked over in time to see Chin walk in and grab the remote and stretch it close enough for him to take it. “Yes and thank you.”
Chin looked tired, but refreshed, dressed in jeans and white short sleeved shirt. “Glad to see you up. I would’ve come sooner, but Rachel and the kids wanted to visit you this morning, so I had to wait until the afternoon.”
Danny tried moving positions in the chair but he was unable to find a comfortable position. “Thanks, man.”
Chin looked around the tiny room and found a chair in the corner and dragged it over so he was sitting next to Danny. “I wanted you to know that they only allow one person in at a time until you’re moved to the regular post surgical wing. But Kono and Lou send their love.”
“Are they visiting Steve?”
“Kono’s with him now. Like I said, they’re very strict on this ward; they made an exception for Grace and Charlie when Rachel was here earlier.”
Danny stared at the remote in his hand, but suddenly he didn’t feel like watching TV. “Did you see Steve? How’s he doing?”
There was something in Chin’s expression, a rare hesitancy. “He looks as well as anyone can expect after this whole thing.”
Danny’s anxiety escalated at the tone of Chin’s voice, his worry escalating. “Was he awake?”
“The doc said he came out of the anesthesia all right, but they’ve been keeping him sedated.”
“I thought he’d be rolling around in a wheelchair by now.” But Danny knew otherwise, he’d seen Steve’s injuries in full Technicolor and knew he’d be doped to the gills. “Have you heard any updates on his condition?”
“Not really. Only that he has a long recovery ahead.” Chin rested a comforting hand on Danny’s shoulder. “The both of you do.”
“Yeah, but he has several new holes inside him.” And Danny couldn’t get over how unresponsive Steve had been, how dead he’d appeared. “I want to see him.”
“Danny.”
“I let these doctors take out half my liver to donate to him,” Danny waved at his stitched-up belly, his voice rising with his worry and anger. “The least they can do is let me into his room.”
Chin gave him this look, the soothing one he reserved for hysterical witnesses and crime victims. “You came out of surgery less than forty-eight hours ago.”
But Danny didn’t want to hear it and he wasn’t about to be held prisoner by his own body’s limitations. “Yeah, and I was just told that moving around was the best thing for me to heal. I doubt parking my ass in a wheelchair is that strenuous?”
Chin held up his hands in supplication, giving in, voice heavy and worn. “Okay, I’m behind you a hundred percent, but it’s not me you have to convince.”
***
The doctor standing beside him as Danny lay in bed was not the ER physician from the other day; this guy looked a little younger and more worn-out. “Detective Williams, you have a long recovery in front of you, at least another week in the hospital before a couple of months of recuperation at home.”
“None of which should prevent me from visiting my friend, and if you knew me, than you’d know that arguing is a waste of time. So, you can either help, or allow your recent surgical patient to fall flat on his face, because you’re not stopping me.”
“You need constant monitoring for any signs of complications after your donation.”
“And you can monitor me all you want. Unclip all my tubes and wires and throw them on a hook or whatever for a few minutes.” Danny glared at the doctor, not backing down. “I’ll do it myself and I’m not sure if you’ll like the results.”
The physician bit his lip. “All your tubes remain. I’ll have a nurse hang them all onto a portable IV pole. And I’ll need to talk to the staff overseeing Commander McGarrett’s care so they can prepare for your visit.”
Danny’s head sagged against his pillows in relief. “Thank you, doc. Thank you.”
***
Danny had seen friends in the hospital, had visited family in the ICU like his uncle Mako who’d endured a month-long battle with pneumonia, and he’d sat at Steve’s bed side more times than he wanted to count. But all those visits hadn’t quite prepared him for this.
Steve wasn’t wearing a gown, a thin sheet covered his legs and his entire midsection was swathed with heavy dressings, one over his incision site and the other the entrance wound. The GSW to his arm was wrapped in clean bandages and his thigh appeared to be as well. It made Danny’s heart ache.
“He’s a little under dressed so we can check his incision site and his various stitches,” Steve’s nurse said.
“Yeah,” Danny uttered, feeling sick to his stomach looking at him.
It was like Steve had been swallowed up by some medical nightmare. There was a spider web of EKG leads attached to Steve’s chest leading to a computer screen above him; a BP cuff wrapped around his bicep, not to mention an all too familiar Foley catheter snaking out from the bed. But he was clueless about everything else.
Steve’s nurse, a young woman with long hair pulled back into a ponytail, stepped closer to him. “Detective Williams, my name is Ailana, let me try to shed the mystery about some of this equipment, okay? I know it can be a little overwhelming.”
“Okay,” Danny said his voice quiet.
“We have to monitor him closely because of the amount of trauma he’s suffered and for signs of organ rejection,” Ailana explained as Danny looked at the bank of computer screens above Steve’s head. She pointed to a catheter tube that was inserted below Steve’s clavicle. “This is a central line that goes into a large vein in his subclavian to administer medications and to take blood without having to stick him over and over again. And the one in his abdomen is post-surgical tube for drainage.”
Danny nodded. Then he pointed at Steve’s arm. “Why does he have two IVs?”
“The first one we’re using to run warm saline fluids to help keep his body temp up and the other one is temporary so we can give him a gamma-globulin infusion.”
“A what?”
“It’s to boost his immune system after the transplant and to help treat hemorrhagic shock after so much blood loss.”
“Right.” Danny swallowed against the lump in his throat; Steve was still so pale. “I’ve seen walls with more color than him.”
“He’ll perk up over time.” The nurse hovered. “Detective Williams, you should get back to your own room. You need to rest.”
“I will. I just want to stay a few minutes, okay?” The nurse looked like she was going to object but Danny cut her off. “I have a mandatory round of medications I have to take in half an hour. Like six different pills, makes me wonder what pharmaceutical company is getting kickbacks. But can I sit with him until then? I’m only talking thirty minutes.”
“Okay, Detective. He’s due for more pain meds during rounds. Talk to him. I’m sure it’ll be nice to hear your voice.”
Danny braced a hand on his side, trying to find a comfortable spot in his wheelchair. “You look terrible, babe.” He laughed this haggard sound. “You made it Steve; you survived my brilliant piloting skills not to mention an award winning landing on the beach. And you stopped more bullets than any human body should ever have to.”
He cleared his throat, feeling drained of every ounce of energy. “You know I have to go back to my room soon and try to sleep with people coming in and out all day long so it would be nice to know you’re doing better.”
Danny watched the steady rise and fall of Steve’s chest. “Come on Steve, I’m not asking a lot.” But Steve didn’t respond and Danny sighed, reaching through the open space between the railings to take Steve’s clammy hand. “Fine, I’ll just talk and you just lie there and listen.”
Danny spoke about the upcoming summer break and the places he wanted to take Grace during her time away from school, about the plans he had for Charlie, fishing trips and minor league baseball games. Roasting hotdogs and deciding which color to paint his son’s room.
Moisture welled up in his eyes while he spoke about his children. “Looks like I’m going to be able to spend more time with my family now since I’m looking at least six to eight weeks of sick leave. Only you could be responsible for such irony.” He knew it could be closer to three months, but for once, Danny was trying to be optimistic.
Danny wiped at his face, wondering what kind of drugs they were using on him to trigger so many episodes of the waterworks when he felt Steve’s hand twitch. Danny became suddenly alert. “Babe?”
Danny squeezed Steve’s hand and tried inching closer to his bed. “Can you hear me, Steve?”
Steve groaned, his eyes opening and closing sluggish. “D’nny?”
“Yeah, I’m right here.”
Steve rolled his head glacier slow to the side and stared at Danny through half closed eyelids. “What…’atppened?”
“You were hurt during an undercover assignment. You’re in the hospital recovering.”
“What…about…you?” Steve took a long drag on his oxygen cannula. “A’re you hurt?”
Danny had three seconds to think. “Not too bad, just a busted rib.”
Steve stared at him, battling obvious exhaustion and pain. “You sure?”
Danny heard Ailana return and she stood beside his wheelchair and rested a hand on his shoulder in warning. “I’m sure, buddy. I’ve been waiting on your knucklehead to wake up.”
“M’kay.”
“Commander McGarrett, I’m your nurse, Ailana. I’m going to walk Detective Williams to his room then I’m going to return to see how you’re doing, okay?”
Steve nodded, his head lolling to the side, already asleep.
Ailana started wheeling Danny into the main part of the ICU area, away from Steve’s room. “Thank you for not telling him about his condition yet. We don’t want to overwhelm him so early in his recovery and prefer to have someone from psychological services in the room when the news is delivered.”
“I may not have a M.D., but even I know not to tell someone who’s that sick about a life altering surgery.” Danny looked over at his shoulder as they moved further away Steve’s room. “But I want to be in there when his doctor does tell him.”
Ailana brought him to his room. “I think that is a very good idea.”
***
Danny sat up in bed, thumbing through the pamphlets as Kono sat beside him in the chair, scrolling through medical articles on her tablet.
“Did they really take out your gallbladder, too?” she asked, sounding a little rattled.
“Yeah, it was connected to the right lobe of my liver, I think.” Danny started folding the corners of one of the brochures. “I can’t remember, but it had to be taken out before the donation.”
“What the hell does it do?” Kono began searching Google.
“Apparently nothing that important if they took it out.” Kono rolled her eyes and Danny shrugged. “I was told it helps store and digest fat.” He tried not to think about it. His reading materials had gone on about something like bile production, but Danny had skimmed through it. “I don’t even have to change my diet.”
“You’re very nonchalant about this.”
“There’s nothing to be done about it now.” Danny knew Kono was trying to get him to open up about the last couple of days but he didn’t want to touch that hornet’s nest of emotions.
Kono put her tablet down. “You’re not going to be able to do much for the next three months.”
“Depends on your definition of doing much. I can take long walks, read a book. Just ‘nothing strenuous’,” he said, making air quotes with his fingers then playing with the edge of his blanket. “Sounds like a nice vacation after the last few years.”
“You’re not supposed to drink much alcohol for the next six months.” Her lips quirked into a slight smile. “It couldn’t be that much of a vacation.”
“Yeah, I read about that tragedy. Maybe that means I’ll get a buzz on less?”
“You’ll be bored out of your mind.”
Danny shrugged. He also got to look forward to monthly check-up appointments for the next five years instead of just annual ones. If he didn’t already hate doctors’ offices he would now. But no matter how tired he was going to feel, or frustrated at not being able to do simple things like yard work or heavy lifting for a while. None of that could compare to the idea of watching Steve die in a hospital bed.
And that thought alone should have given him pause, but Danny couldn’t think about those feelings right now. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
“What was it like?” Kono asked a few minutes of silence, her face an open book of seriousness. “When you realized you had to fly that plane?”
Danny rubbed his tried, burning eyes. Between Rachel and the rest of his team and friends who’d been able to visit during the last two days that was the question people had tap-danced around the most.
He had a stock answer ready, but Danny was drained mind and spirit and the words came spilling out of his mouth. “It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. I…I had no idea if we were going to crash and die, or if Steve was going to bleed out before I could land. But I wasn’t going to allow some air traffic controller to not even give us a chance by leading us into the bottom of the ocean.”
Kono took his hand. “That’s because they don’t know you like the rest of us do. You’re one hell of a warrior. You saved Steve. Twice.”
***
“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather me sneak you in some burgers or something?” Lou asked, standing at the foot of Danny’s bed.
“No, because I’d rather not yack my guts out and pop my stitches because my intestines aren’t firing on all cylinders yet.”
Lou winkled his nose. “Okay, scratch that, maybe you’d prefer I bring your laptop instead?”
“No, I want you to get the nurse to unhook all my stuff.”
“You need all that stuff.”
Danny tried craning his neck to see if he could find any of the staff walking around outside his room. “What I need is to go see Steve again. No one here will give me an update about what’s going on.”
“Maybe because they’re busy, man.”
“Or maybe there’s something wrong.”
Lou walked in front of Danny and cut off his view of the corridor. “Or you’re jumping the gun.”
Danny had nothing to do all day but think about bullets and blood and gut-wrenching decisions made in an ER waiting room. “My partner was shot in mid-air by a rival drug gang firing a damn Type 3 Machine gun, so please don’t patronize me about the glass being half full or the grass is greener on the other side.”
Lou sighed and began to leave, mumbling under his breath. “The nurses are going to sedate your ass just to have some peace and quiet.”
***
Danny was sick of looking at Steve with his eyes closed.
“It’s been three days Steven; don’t you think it’s time to wake up?”
“He was awake this morning for a few minutes,” Ailana said. She scanned the label of the different medication vials with a tablet before preparing a syringe. “He talked about you.”
“He did?”
Ailana injected the drug into the one of the IV ports. “He was confused about where he was. He thought you were on a fishing boat?”
Danny laughed, feeling fond of the memory before everything had gone off the rails. “Of course he did.” Then his smile disappeared as he looked over at Steve’s still, quiet form. “Guess all the drugs can make him a little loopy, huh?”
“He’s on a pretty high dose of morphine, but I’ve seen a lot worse.” She finished with the other two meds before checking the connections to the IV bag. “Commander McGarrett also has a mild fever.”
“A fever? Is it…” Danny licked his lips, his heart pounding against his ribcage. No, no, no. “Is it because…”
“His white level count isn’t high enough for that,” Ailana said, trying to reassure him. “It could be from the incision site or a reaction to all the blood transfusions…”
“Or it could be rejection.” Danny’s face flushed, anxiety gripping his chest. “I read about all the complications and –”
“And we’re monitoring him around the clock.” She laid a hand on his forearm. “This area of the hospital is staffed with personnel trained specially to handle transplant donors and their recipients.” Ailana gave his shoulder a squeeze. “He’s in good hands.”
Danny sat in silence with only his morbid thoughts for company. He knew his visit was limited to thirty minutes, but now that he was here, Danny was at a loss for words. “We talked to Mary. Joan gave her the chickenpox, can you believe it? Sounds like Joanie picked it up in daycare; those places are like cesspools for illness. The doctors won’t let them visit until they’re not contagious.” He sighed, hating the fact he was the bearer of such bad news. “She wanted to call, but they don’t allow cell phones in the ICU. But I promise she’ll be here as soon as they allow it.”
He went on about all the hockey playoffs and all the injuries of the recent drafted rookies from the NFL draft. Danny began talking about the upcoming summer movies when he noticed Steve staring at him through heavy eyelids.
“Hey,” Danny said his voice cracking with emotion. “How are you feeling?”
Steve’s stare was vacant as he fought against the toll of drugs and illness.
“It’s okay, you don’t need to talk.” Danny reached over the rails; taking Steve’s wrist, Steve weak fingers curling around Danny’s hand. It took everything in Danny’s power not to get emotional again. “I know you’re probably pretty tired. I wanted you to know that I was here. And even when I’m not, I’ll just be in another room.”
“Danny?” Steve said his name whisper-thin.
“Yeah, buddy?”
“Don’t…don’t leave.”
“I don’t plan on it, babe.”
Danny held onto Steve’s hand even after he drifted back asleep a few minutes later and he would have stayed there all night if they’d let him.
***
Danny returned to Steve’s room the next morning, watching Ailana take care of Steve’s needs.
“Is his fever still hanging around?” he asked.
“It is, but like I said, that’s pretty normal.” Ailana moved around the bed, adjusting the pillows under Steve’s legs and side, so he didn’t remain in the same position for too long. “But it’s not spiking and his white counts are still okay. We’re scaling back some of his pain meds so we can try to get him sitting up a bit today.”
Danny sat in his chair a few times a day; he’d even walked around with some help. “Gee, at that pace, he’ll be doing cartwheels by tonight.”
“Not…tonight, but maybe tomorrow.”
Danny looked over and saw a ghost of a smile across Steve’s lips. “You’re slacking off then.”
“Commander McGarrett, I’m going to let Dr. Cornett know you’re awake so he can come examine you.”
Ailana didn’t waste time leaving and Danny rested his elbows on the arms of his wheelchair. “It’s good to see you awake and coherent.”
Steve made a non committal noise before trying to push up in bed with his hands and failing, leaving him winded.
“Hey, enough of that,” Danny admonished. “Where’s the remote to your bed?”
He searched for the bed control, finding it dangling from one of the rails. “Here,” he said, reaching for it, when a sharp pain ripped through his middle. He grabbed at his incision site, trying to ride the wave of fresh agony.
“Danny?”
“Just give me a second,” Danny said, wheezing.
“Danny!” Steve called out, alarmed.
Bracing his side, Danny slowly straightened fully in his wheelchair, panting. “I just …stretched too far.”
Steve stared at him unbelieving, his eyes gaining some focus. He breathed heavy on his oxygen and squinted at Danny like he was trying to size him up, his face betraying all the theories running through his head.
“How many days?”
“What?” Danny asked.
“How many days have we been here?”
Danny caught onto Steve’s thought process and tried stalling the inevitable. “A few.”
Steve was pallid except for a slight flush to his cheeks from the fever, but he could still pull off a SEAL worthy glare. “Why are you still hospitalized, Danny?”
“I crashed a plane. I might be a little sore.”
“Are you injured?” Steve’s voice was rough and thick. “Were you shot?”
“No.”
Steve’s forehead furrowed in confusion, his energy fading fast. He closed his eyes. “I don’t…I don’t understand.”
“Babe, just drop it.”
“No, Danny.” Steve shook his head and forced his eyes open again. “If you’re hurt, I want to know why, and I want to know why you didn’t tell me.”
Danny wiped a hand over his mouth, not now; he wanted to put this off for as long as possible. “Babe, don’t…”
“Danny. Please talk to me.”
It was the crack in Steve’s voice, that pleading tone. Danny looked around, but Ailana wasn’t nearby. Danny frowned, wishing Steve would stop looking at him like that, like Steve’s whole life wasn’t filled with people who’d lied and betrayed him.
“You were hurt real bad. GSWs to the arm and leg.” Danny swallowed, his voice shaking. “And to the abdomen.” Steve stared on confused. “The bullet fragmented and it um…ripped through your liver.”
“My liver?”
“Yeah. It was…damn it Steve, I’m sorry. It was injured beyond repair. And you,” Danny coughed, clearing his throat. “…and you needed a transplant.”
Steve’s face lost what little color it had left. “What are you trying to tell me?” His expression blanched even further when things dawned on him, his voice wrecked. “Danny…you didn’t?”
Danny let out a long breath, cursing to himself. This wasn’t how he wanted this to go, but it was too late and he wasn’t going stop now. “I did, Steve. And I’d do it again.”
***
Danny remained in the room as Dr. Cornett spoke, explaining Steve’s injuries, about the trajectory of the bullet through the upper liver, missing the stomach and colon, but leaving bleeders everywhere. How he’d have to be vigilant about infections and how Steve would be on medications for the rest of his life.
“Your new liver will regenerate the most over the first six weeks then over the next six months it will redevelop into almost eighty percent of its original size.”
Cornett waited for Steve to speak, the physician looking a little too relaxed after explaining such a life changing event.
Steve licked his lips, swallowing. “What about Danny’s?”
“His will regenerate to about eighty percent as well,” Cornett told him.
Steve didn’t ask anything else; he laid in bed, looking like he was only half-listening while Dr. Cornett went on about possible complications and a comprehensive timeline for full recovery.
“Do you have any questions, Commander?”
“No.”
Danny blinked, looking from Cornett to Steve, not believing his ears. “Steve, I know it’s a lot of take in, but maybe…”
“The doctor went over everything I needed to know,” Steve said his voice monotone.
“I’m sure he’ll have more questions once everything’s sunk in,” Danny explained to Cornett.
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” Dr. Cornett nodded at an older Hawaiian woman who’d been standing and watching off to the side. “Commander, this is Dr. Nadia, she is a psychiatrist who’ll be available anytime you need to talk to someone when you might feel overwhelmed or might need some –”
“I’ll be fine. Thank you.”
Nadia was a petite thing who practically needed a step stool when she squeezed her way toward the side of Steve’s bed. “Don’t worry, Commander, I speak Navy, and I know you need time to process and analyze everything. I’ll be visiting another patient on this level tomorrow afternoon and I’ll stop by just in case you want to talk.”
Steve didn’t say a word. Ailana hovered at the other side of the bed and started shooting everyone daggers with her ‘leave my patient in peace’ stare. Dr. Cornett spoke to her before walking away, leaving Danny with a silent Steve and an agitated nurse.
“I’ll be back tomorrow morning,” Danny said, searching for Steve’s hand again.
But Steve was too busy staring at the ceiling to take it, and Ailana was giving Danny ‘please hurry’ expression so he started to turn his wheelchair around to find Lisa waiting on him.
“I thought I’d walk with you back to your room.”
Lisa wheeled him into the corridor where Dr. Nadia was waiting for them. “Detective Williams, I wanted to introduce myself to you yesterday, but I had a family emergency, so I offer my apologies for not being here. Bu I wanted to extend my offer of talking to you as well, I’m available anytime. Maybe tomorrow?”
This time it was Danny, who was lost for words as he nodded, not in the mood to talk to anyone.
***
By his fourth day in the hospital Danny was annoyed, tired and felt like crap. He was on enough pain meds to keep his broken rib and incision site from hurting, but not enough to make the constant ache to go away. The one time he’d mentioned that his pain level was above a ‘five on a level of one to ten’, the next dose had knocked him on his ass and he woke up with the worst hangover.
Fatigue kept him in bed most of the day despite a never ending feeling of restlessness. His team and friends visited, but it was his kids who provided him with a solid anchor of support.
Grace sat across from him in the chair while Rachel took Charlie to the cafeteria for some lunch. She played on her phone and watched TV, every now and then engaging him in conversation.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, honey?”
“Can we go visit Uncle Steve?”
Danny stopped watching the hockey game to look over at her. “I don’t know, sweetie, he’s still not feeling very well.”
“Maybe he’d feel better if he had more people to visit him?”
And it was moments like this that Danny’s chest swelled with pride and joy, at the beauty that was his daughter’s amazing heart.
It was a tough thing to say no, but it was bad enough for Grace to see her father in a hospital, he didn’t want her to see Steve when he was only sporting bandages and tubes. He’d do whatever it took to spare his daughter more fuel for nightmares.
“Uncle Steve still has a fever honey and he’s been sleeping a lot.”
“Why does he have a fever?”
“Because he has a minor infection and his immune system is very weak after the operation.”
“But he’s going to be okay?”
“Yes, sweetie, he is. I promise.”
Grace looked around the room, fidgety, and still coping with the stress of the situation. “When will you be able to come home?”
And sometimes his daughter made his heart ache and wish he could wave a magic wand and fix everything. “Come here, honey.”
Grace pushed down the rail and leaned over into her father’s arms until Danny hugged her. “Not much longer,” he whispered. “Maybe another four to seven days, depending on what the doctors say.” He tried not to think about how much longer Steve would have to remain after Danny’s discharge.
Grace nuzzled her head against his chest and Danny rested his chin on top of her hair, loving her as much as he could. Cherishing every moment.
***
The next time Danny visited Steve, some color had returned to Steve’s complexion. He didn’t look as sallow, and his voice had a little more strength to it—that was when he used it.
“I brought playing cards, Steven, the least you could do was play a game or two.”
“I don’t feel like it, Danny.”
“Well, I don’t care. I’m bored and I want to play spades.” Danny opened the box and began pouring out the stack.
“Then maybe you could get Kono to play with you,” Steve said with a weary wave of his hand.
“No, because she could kick my ass, but you on the other hand…”
Danny let the barb hang in the air, waiting on Steve’s competitive nature to get the best of him, but instead Steve grabbed the TV remote and turned the volume louder -- to a cooking show.
The least Steve could do was put on some ridiculous action movie and pretend to watch it.
***
After six days, Danny was able to walk all the way from his room to Steve’s without much help, although Lisa would trail behind him. He wasn’t supposed to be going back and forth like this, and he remained under twenty-four supervision but his blood tests were normal. He still got winded and his stomach didn’t like digesting all five food groups properly, but it was progress.
This time when he visited, he brought with him a secret weapon. While Danny still didn’t want Grace to see Steve until he was a little bit better, he thought a visit with Nahele would benefit them both.
Danny walked very slowly with Nahele at his side pushing the empty wheelchair for him to sit in once he reached his destination. What Danny hadn’t expected was to see Steve sitting up in a chair.
“Well, isn’t this a sight for sore eyes. You’re looking good babe.”
Steve was still attached to too many tubes and wires, but he was at least wearing a hospital gown. It was a small victory. “Hey,” he mumbled.
Someone had given Steve a shave and washed his hair, making him look less ill, and more human. Nahele engaged the parking brake on the wheelchair and Danny nearly fell into it, feeling like he’d run a marathon.
Nahele stood by Steve’s chair, shifting from one foot to another in nervousness. “I brought you one of my handheld games. It’s got like all these ancient Atari games on it.”
Danny sighed. “Did you hear that, Steven? Pac-Man and Space Invaders are now antiques. Guess that means our high scores are things for the Smithsonian or something.”
Steve took the handheld from Nahele and gave him a weak smile. “Thanks, man. Appreciate it.” He put the game on his lap. “Are you guys going to get in trouble for both being here at the same time?”
“Well, what people don’t know, won’t hurt them,” Danny answered with smoothness.
Steve gave him a disapproving look. “There are reasons for rules, Danny.”
“Yeah, there are, and according to the McGarrett handbook, they’re meant to be broken.”
“You shouldn’t piss of the staff, Danny.” Steve rubbed at his left thigh while stretching out the injured leg with a grimace. “I’m surprised they haven’t noticed by now.”
Danny made a show of looking out into the quiet corridor. “They were a little busy checking on some guy who received a heart transplant.”
At the mention of the heart transplant, Steve’s expression soured even more. He looked anywhere but at his visitors and began fiddling with the game. “Seriously guys, I don’t want anyone to get in trouble.”
“I doubt the nurses carry handcuffs,” Nahele chuckled, but his good humor had little effect on the mood.
After ten more minutes of no-talking, they left and Nahele wheeled Danny back to his room. “Did I say something wrong?” he asked him.
“No, man, don’t worry about it. It’s impossible to sleep in this place and the food is terrible. And it can turn even an angel into a cranky, irritable old man.” But Danny didn’t feel the confidence of his words, Steve’s downswing moodiness beginning to nibble away at his own.
“It’s too bad you guys couldn’t be roommates or something,” Nahele said, thinking. “Anything’s got to be better than being alone while lying in bed sick all day.”
***
Danny asked for Dr. Nadia to visit him; of course it took two hours before she arrived, the shrink walking in only a few minutes after Kono had dropped by. Both women flanked his bed with casual demeanors and serious-looking expressions.
He took a deep breath. “I think Steve and I should share a room. It would be beneficial to both our recoveries and keep each other from going stir-crazy.”
“I’m not a doctor, but don’t you both need to be closely monitored?” Kono asked. “These ICU rooms are not big enough for two beds and equipment.”
“We could go to a step-down unit, one between ICU and the surgical floor. It’s been a week and as I’ve been reminded by the nursing staff, Steve and I have been making progress without any signs of complications. And according to everything I’ve read about these types of recoveries, one’s emotional state is half the battle.”
“The two of you will kill each other after two days,” Kono said.
Danny braced for Dr Nadia’s rebuttal, citing hospital regulations or medical reasons for moving Steve. But he was ready to plead his case or complain to every member of the staff until they caved in from exasperation.
“I think that is an excellent idea,” Dr Nadia said with a bright smile.
Danny did a double take. “You do?”
“It’s obvious you two share a special bond,” Dr Nadia explained. Kono quirked an amused eyebrow at him while the doctor scribbled something down on her clipboard. “And you’re very correct; one’s mental well-being is a key to healing.”
“And that’s psyche double speak for what exactly?”Danny asked.
“It’s just good medicine, Detective.”
***
Transferring to step-down unit with regular visiting hours made a world of difference within hours. The entire team came by after dinner time, full of smiles, stacks of cards, not to mention stuffed animals. And way too many balloons.
Charlie was enthralled with the one in the shape of a dinosaur and Danny was content in watching him yank on the string causing the balloon to bounce around in the air. He couldn’t remember the last time he genuinely smiled. Of course the same couldn’t be said for his roommate. Sure Steve laughed at jokes and even made a few attempts at humor, but they were thin veiled facades, the grins and enthusiasm forced.
But it worked for the most part, maybe because everyone needed a break from the stress. They desired normalcy; routine, even if it was an illusion.
Danny listened as Jerry read all the get well wishes from everyone from the governor to even Sang Min. And despite Lou’s talk about the both of them being rock stars – many of the cards and gifts were address to Steve and Danny for the most part was okay with that. It was sort of by design.
They discussed the DEA bust in Korea and Max’s farewell party that night.
Charlie played around on Danny’s bed while Steve agreed to go surfing with Adam when he got out in four months. And participate in the Turkey Bowl a couple months later, everyone smiling and happy as they left after visiting hours.
Everything was like normal again, because Steve was indestructible.
And he could also be a jerk.
“You do realize you didn’t have to give me your liver,” Steve had said all sarcastic and annoyed.
“Where were you going to get one, Steve? The supermarket? Of course I had to give you my liver, what are you talking about?”
“I’m going to have to listen to this for the rest of my life, aren’t I?”
And Danny had dished out as much as he took. He knew Steve would do anything for him, like not budging an inch when Danny was facing certain death from a ticking bomb, or leading a rescue for him in Columbia, or any other dozens of times they’d had each other backs.
It was who they were, what they did for each other, no matter what words they used as defensive mechanisms. Even if it hurt a little.
And the hurt buried itself in Danny’s side, burrowing a little during the night.
***
By morning Danny was elated at the prospect of taking a longer walk around the hospital floor, anything to get away from Steve’s constant nagging and complaining and being an ass about things like controlling what they watched on TV. Which frustrated Danny to no end since all Steve did was sleep most of the time.
It still hurt to move too much and by the time he made it down the hall and back, Danny was ready to collapse in bed. So, he was a little too preoccupied to notice the curtain around Steve’s bed was pulled around for full privacy until he recognized Dr Nadia’s voice.
“I’ll come back in a few hours after you’ve had some time to think about it, Commander.”
Danny busied himself with reading the news on his laptop and searching his movie library for things he wanted to watch. But even after Dr. Nadia’s exit, the curtain remained closed, and the room filled with the sounds of a nature documentary that Danny knew Steve wasn’t paying attention to.
“If I recall, sharing a room was supposed to aid with our recoveries,” Danny said, pitching his voice loud.
“I thought you said you regretted it?”
“When did I say that?”
“About a dozen times.”
Danny pinched the bridge of his nose and counted to ten. They were both injured and cranky. Be the better person, Daniel. “The next time someone comes in, I could ask them to hook up my computer to the TV and we could watch something.”
“Like what?” Steve asked without bothering to open the curtain.
“Like one of the hundreds of movies I have on my hard drive.”
“I don’t like your taste in movies.”
Danny was very tempted to throw his water pitcher over the curtain, but then he wouldn’t have anything left to drink. “Suit yourself; I didn’t want your endless belly-aching about my choice of films anyway.”
Putting on his headphones, Danny ignored Steve for the rest of the afternoon.
***
Danny had zonked out after watching The Mighty Ducks and D2, the sequel. And he enjoyed every comment free minute until he’d fallen asleep. It was going to take a long time to get used to such constant fatigue. He removed his earphones without realizing Dr. Nadia had returned for a visit.
“I think you would benefit from an antidepressant, Commander.”
“I said I’d think about it,” Steve said with a growl to his voice.
“What you’re feeling is very normal for someone who’s gone through –”
“With all due respect, Doctor, I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.”
“I’ll come back tomorrow and see how you’re doing,” Dr. Nadia said, her shoes clicking on the tile as she left.
Danny didn’t have time to process what he eavesdropped by accident when one of the nurses entered the room with the dinner tray and whisked open the curtain with way too much enthusiasm.
“We’ve got chicken broth, applesauce, a cookie, and juice,” she said setting a tray by each of them.
“Sounds appetizing,” Danny said sardonic.
Steve didn’t comment.
They were both still on dietary restrictions; Danny had already lost eight pounds since he’d been admitted. He devoured the broth and juice, the cookie tasted like sawdust. Steve’s tray had been pushed aside, the food uneaten, and he stared at the stupid TV again, obviously not paying attention.
“I think you would benefit from an antidepressant, Commander.”
If Steve needed another lifeline, Danny would throw him one. “I reinitiate my offer at sharing my movie collection, I think I even have Spies Like Us, you remember that one? Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase.”
“Thanks, but I’d rather watch the game.”
“The Devils vs. Capitals?”
“Yeah.”
“Those teams aren’t even playing tonight, try again.”
Steve shot Danny an annoyed look. “I’m not in the mood for a movie, okay?”
“Then what are you in the mood for? Cards? A game of hangman?”
Steve inhaled and exhaled, irritated. His mouth set in a frown.
Danny had the patience of a saint. “I think I might have Battleship on my laptop left over from one of our stakeouts.”
“Look, Danny. I just…”
Danny turned in his bed so he faced Steve. “You what?”
Steve chewed on his lip. “I just want to be left alone.”
“The last time I checked, we became roomies so it could benefit the whole recuperation process, or did you forget?”
“I never asked for us to share a room together,” Steve grumbled under his breath.
“Excuse me?”
“I said I never wanted us to share a room,” Steve huffed. “I was fine where I was, okay?”
“Oh, I’m sorry if I was once again thinking about both of our well beings. It’s not like I can expect feelings from Mr. Indestructible Robot McGarrett, let alone anything reassembling gratitude or something.”
Danny didn’t mean it, but the hurt from the other night had made itself at home and begun to blossom with every passing minute. Burning and tearing away fragile walls and bruised feelings. He didn’t know what to do with such huge emotions, they were too big to keep buried, and it was burning him from the inside.
Danny grabbed the curtain and pulled it closed with a hard tug, willing his heart to slow down and his breathing to regain a normal rhythm. He listened for Steve, waiting for a word of apology, a sigh; anything.
But he was only greeted with the icy feel of silence and it hurt more than he could admit.
***
He was almost at the end of his book when the phone in the room rang, the noise causing Danny to jump.
Steve answered it on the third ring, his voice gruff. “Hello?”
Danny went back to his novel when Steve’s voice perked up. “Mary?”
Danny was barely able to make out her voice, but it was obvious that she had a lot to say to her brother.
“It’s okay, Mare. I understand,” Steve told her. “No, it’s all right. I know you and Joan weren’t allowed to visit.”
Steve was quiet for a moment before speaking again. “Mare…Mary. I said it was okay. I know you couldn’t risk Danny and I getting sick, you have nothing to apologize for.”
Steve breathed loud and heavy. “Please, Mare, don’t cry.”
Danny wanted to leave and give Steve some privacy, but there wasn’t anywhere he could go.
“I love you, too. I promise, I’m getting better. We both are.” Steve cleared his throat, his voice raspy. “No, I didn’t see it on the news. Yeah, he did. That’s because Danny is an incredible person.”
Danny raised his eyebrows at that.
“Okay, I know. In a couple of days sounds great. And Mare…I can’t wait to see you.”
The sound of the phone hitting the receiver ended the call and Danny swore he heard Steve audibly try to compose himself. Danny wanted to reach out and offer comfort, but he also knew Steve needed his space. Tomorrow would probably be a long day for them both.
***
A combination of pain meds and antibiotics made him feel fuzzy and a little nauseous; it was a weird way to fall asleep but it did the trick. So, it was a little disorienting to be woken up by – something.
Not one of the nurses, not the beeping of the machines, it was a thumping noise…
“Danny.”
The sound of Steve’s voice right next to his bed scared the hell out of him. “What the hell?” Danny blinked, wiping the grit out of eyes and squinted over at Steve who was leaning on the bed rail. “For crying out loud! You’re not supposed to be up unassisted.”
Steve shuffled toward the chair next to Danny’s bed and slumped into it, out of breath. “I’m sorry.”
Steve still needed a wheelchair to get around and would require crutches once he was strong enough to walk. “Don’t apologize you idiot,” Danny snapped. “Just don’t get out of bed. What are you trying to prove?”
“I’m not –”
“You could have fallen, cracked your skull, or ripped open you stitches. You have half my liver for crying out loud.”
“I never wanted your liver!” Steve snapped. Danny slammed his jaw shut and Steve’s face crumbled into an expression of anger and fear and too many things for Danny to recognize. “I never wanted you to do that for me.”
“Steve…”
“I never wanted…” Steve’s voice faltered and he looked away. “I’m sorry you had to donate it to me, to put your life as risk…”
“Hey, hey. What are you talking about? We put each others’ life at risk everyday and we save each other’s asses just as much. That’s what we do, understand?”
Steve stared at his lap; his voice even grittier if that was possible. “I don’t know how…I…I keep thinking about…”
“About what?”
“About dying.”
“Oh, Steve.” Danny should have known that this was the reason for Steve’s irritability. Depression was an evil monster. “What you’re feeling is normal, babe. What happened was pretty damn traumatic.”
Steve shook his head. “But I’m not supposed to –“
“—to what? Feel afraid? Come face to face with death and realize how fucking scary that really is?” Danny demanded. “Look, you’ve been a Navy SEAL, and you’ve seen shit no one else has, but that doesn’t prepare you for being riddled with bullets and almost bleeding out in a plane you can no longer fly.”
Danny took Steve’s hand like he’d done so many times in the last week. “It’s alright to look at the mirror and see your own mortality. It’s what you do after you realize you’re going to be okay. Because you’re going to be all right, Steve. It’s going to take a long time to get back to one hundred percent and you’re going to have to fight like hell to get there, but you’re going to do it, and I’m going to be right beside you all the way.”
Steve pushed the railing to Danny’s bed down and started moving toward him and Danny meet him halfway, wrapping his arms around Steve’s shoulders, grabbing a hold of him and never letting go.
Steve’s arms hung around Danny’s neck, the side of his face brushing against Danny, leaving a trail of wetness against Danny’s cheek.
“I’m so sorry, Danny,” he choked.
“What did I say about, that huh?”
Danny brushed his hand through Steve’ short hair. “I know you’re not used to people sticking around, babe, but I’m never going away, and neither is Kono or Chin or Lou, or even Jerry.”
Steve sniffled, and after a minute, he pulled away, slumping in his chair exhausted, his fingers still intertwined with Danny’s.
Danny tried scooting as close to the edge of the bed as he could without turning onto his side. “It’s going to be okay.
Steve took a deep breath, his face betraying the fear he’d been trying so hard to mask, his voice soft. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“Of course, I’m right. I’m always right.”
Steve gave him a thin a smile, but it was genuine and filled with unbelievable gratitude. “Thank you, Danny. For everything. I…I haven’t been able, you know…”
“To communicate? Yeah, but how long have I’ve known you?” Danny gave Steve a long look. “You know you should probably talk to somewhat about what happened, right?”
“I know.”
“What’s this, are you agreeing with me now?” Danny smiled at Steve. “I love you, babe. That’s never going to change.”
“That’s probably one of the few things I know I can always count on.” Steve rubbed his thumb over the tops of Danny’s fingers. “I love you, too.”
Danny took a moment to relish Steve’s touch. “We’ll take it one day at a time.”
“We?”
“Of course, we.” Danny cleared his throat. “Unless…”
“No,” Steve said squeezing Danny’s hand, looking at him with such sincere naked emotion. “I mean, yeah, we’ll take things one day at a time. Together.”
Danny swallowed, and for the first time since this nightmare began, he felt relief, and hope.
***
fini-
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