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I was so excited to share the new game system I’d found with my friends. I’d been working out a fresh, new campaign for us to play for weeks, and now was sitting surrounded by my notes, prepared to introduce my best friends to my magnum opus.
“The game takes place in the town of Smallville, Kansas,” I announced, ignoring the snickers from around the table. “You are all highschoolers in the same class. Why don’t you introduce yourselves? Lana?”
I turned to the first member of the group, who picked up her character sheet excitedly.
“My character is Lana Lang, who is fourteen years old. She’s captain of the cheerleading squad, and her boyfriend is the quarterback on the football team,” she said with a smile.
“Of course he is,” Chloe said with a roll of her eyes. She looked over Lana’s character sheet. “You’ve sunk loads of points into Charisma and Intelligence?”
“Because I’m so likeable,” Lana replied.
“But none into Wisdom?”
“Who needs Wisdom anyway?” Lana asked.
“And skills - horseback riding; makes sense for a cheerleader I guess; and… kung fu?” Chloe had a questioning grin. “Why does the cheerleader captain know kung fu?”
“You never know, maybe some local millionaire gave her lessons or something because boys keep trying to grab her,” Lana suggested.
“Knowing you she’ll have some over-the-top depressing backstory, right?” Chloe asked.
“She’s an orphan - her parents were killed in front of her in a meteor strike.”
“Amazing, super dark,” Chloe said with a grin.
“Okay Miss Perfect-Character, let’s hear what you’ve got!”
“Chloe Sullivan, ace reporter of the Smallville High School Newspaper,” she said proudly, bringing out a character sheet with a lot more writing than Lana’s. “She moved here last year from Metropolis. I didn’t put much into physical, because she’s quite small, so I went with a lot of skills.”
“Let’s see,” Clark looked over her character sheet. “Computer hacking? Why does a high school reporter need maxed out computer hacking?”
“You never know,” Chloe said defensively.
“Mate, have you seen this inventory?” Clark asked me.
“It’s fine, it’s all within the rules,” she assured him.
“You have a car. What fourteen year old has their own car?” he demanded. “And look at this equipment.” He moved down the list with his finger. “Camera, tape recorder, laptop; alright; but a taser, soundwave generator, flashbang grenades? How does a fourteen year old get hold of flashbang grenades?”
“Maybe her uncle is like a military colonel in charge of, like, special weapons division,” she said.
“Your uncle?” Lana asked. “Not your dad? Or your mom?”
“Oh, I’ve got a depressing backstory as well,” Chloe said proudly. “My mom left us when I was young because she had a disease that made her go crazy. My dad is all emotionally distant and ignores me, so I’m always snooping because I’m desperate for love.”
“Maybe you have a crush on Clark or something too?” I suggested.
“ As if ,” Chloe said defensively. “I’d never go for Clark. Can you even imagine?”
“Yeah, we’re just friends,” Clark said. He was looking at Lana as he said it, as if looking for her approval. Chloe obviously noticed - she bit her lip. She looked hurt enough that I felt bad. I made a note to do something nice for her character later.
“What about Clark’s character then? He has even more writing than Chloe’s?” Lana said.
“Well, I took a lot of disadvantages to make up for my perks,” he said.
“Proper Min-Max stuff,” Chloe said, though not without a hint of praise in her voice. “Minimum intelligence and wisdom - classic Clark - so you can max out strength and speed. Hang on,” she pulled her character sheet over to her. “Super hearing? Heat vision? What’s this?” She looked up at him.
“Clark Kent looks like a normal high schooler, but he’s actually an alien in disguise,” he said. “I’m also the quarterback on the football team,” he added with a longing look at Lana.
“No you aren’t,” I shut that down immediately. “One of your disadvantages is your Moral Code, so you can’t let yourself cheat at football. Also you can’t tell anyone your secret because of your untrusting nature.”
“But I’ll bet my character knows what’s up,” Chloe said with a grin. “Because we’re best friends.”
“No Chloe, no one can know his secret,” I said. She pouted.
“What’s this under weaknesses? Sickness, nausea, muscle weakness? Those are some pretty big drawbacks?”
“Well, I needed the weaknesses to pay for the strength upgrades,” Clark said. “But it’s only to meteor rock; how often could that come up in a campaign set in a highschool?”
I touched a hand to my notebook. Obviously I’d been aware of Clark’s character plans and had included some connection to meteor rocks in pretty much every encounter.
“What about you, Pete?” Clark asked. Pete nervously scuffed his single page character sheet.
“My character is Pete Ross. He’s on the football team, and works for the school newspaper,” he added hastily. “I didn’t really understand; I only wanted to play because Chloe did. So all my skills are like, er, high school stuff.”
“Wow, you took ranks in algebra? I’ve never seen that,” Chloe said. “It’s kind of sweet. Is this your first tabletop RPG?” He nodded. “Oh, sweetie, we’re going to eat you alive.”
“Where’s Lois, couldn’t she play?” Lana asked, looking around the group. Clark’s demeanor instantly changed.
“No, I don’t want to play with Lois,” he said. “She’s rude, she’s bossy, she takes over every session.”
“She’s too busy to commit,” Chloe said diplomatically. “But says she might be able to join later in the campaign if we’re still going.”
Clark didn’t look too happy with that. I turned to the final member of the group. Clark and Chloe’s character sheets may have had a lot of writing, but Lex had brought a full ring binder. I’d never have invited him if he hadn’t overheard me talking to Clark about it.
“Okay, Lex, why don’t you tell us about your character?” I asked, my heart filled with dread.
“And why does your character sheet say you’re 21?” Chloe demanded.
“My character’s name is Lex Luthor, heir to the Luthor fortune,” he said. “I’ll explain all in due time. But first, let me tell you the most important lesson my character learned from Alexander the Great.”
There was a collective groan around the table, and Chloe muttered, “Not Alexander the Fucking Great again. ”