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I allow myself a moment to look to the green head of hair bounding up and down in front of me as we're running through the foliage. The sounds of the rainforest rang out around us, and that damp humid feeling kept our clothes clinging to our skin.
Yes, I may have stepped on a pretty dangerous-looking snake by accident... it had folded itself up like a ribbon and was ready to sink its fangs into one of us like it wanted a second dinner, so we had bolted, just to be safe. I had no idea what type it was, but I was sure Rantaro would, he knew just about everything to do with this place.
We let about a minute pass before slowing and stopping, sure then that the creature hadn’t chosen to follow us deeper into the trees. We seemed to be alone again, thankfully, and we both stopped to catch our breath.
'You ok?' Rantaro looked back up at me. 'Good that we noticed it right away. That type of boa wouldn't have been venomous, but a bite from one of those would've been nasty.'
I nodded, slowly, still struggling with my breath a little. 'All good. You always know what to do, Rantaro.'
'I have a lot of experience. Hopefully, you will too, soon.' he smiled, and rustled my hair a bit. 'Don't be too freaked out Shuichi, sometimes these things happen. As long as you stay calm and follow my lead, it'll be fine.'
I was still breathing heavily, and realised it maybe wasn't from the running anymore - I was a bit psyched. I knew the Amazon was dangerous, you couldn't just relax when surrounded by so many wild creatures - but exploring here with Amami had made it incredible, he was so dependable and he knew so much. I was starting to understand just why travelling had meant so much to him for all this time - his passion for it was starting to rub off on me too.
'We should keep moving. the sun's setting soon, it would be best to set up camp by the river while it’s still light outside.' Rantaro gestured somewhere forward, the way we should head to get to the river, I guess. I nodded; we had strayed from the path some looking for a toucan we could hear squeaking in the distance, but had never managed to spot it. Of course, I had been looking up at the trees instead of down where I stepped while we walked... hence why we ended up in the situation we did.
It was ok, though. Rantaro was good at acting calm in any situation no matter how dire, and travelling was his forte. I could always depend on him to get us out whatever mess I ended us up in.
He was charming, too, easily getting along with any locals we came across, when asking for directions or exploring foreign markets. Half the time, they ended up inviting us in for a drink, or giving us various trinkets and charms for free. That was just who he was - so different from myself, I guess that's partly what drew me to him.
--
The sun had gone down some but the tent we had was set up in record time, probably just force of habit meaning we knew exactly how it was done now.
The Amazon sure was humid. Not that I had much experience travelling to warmer climates, but I was certain this was somewhere on the 'extreme' end of the scale. everything felt sticky, clothes clung everywhere, and my hair lay flatter from the moisture, sticking to the back of my neck and my forehead and feeling constantly damp and gross. On the upside, the giant tree leaves provided ample cover from the sun, we didn't need to worry about burning and we were able to hide from the heat - but the moisture content in the rainforest was a whole other beast, where the sun stayed out the moisture remained, and escaping from it really was an impossible challenge.
It was partially why we enjoyed camping by the river so much. Besides the obvious reason of safety, it meant an easy way to cool down and not feel that stickiness for a short time, even if the moment I got out it would return right back as before.
I leant back against the riverbank, sinking in so that the water engulfed me all the way up to just below my eyes for a few moments, letting the day's busyness drift away. The river was always flowing and was shaded by the trees, keeping it cool all through the day, and wherever we decided to stop off. Rantaro chuckled, watching me from across the water a short distance away. He was a whole lot more used to this weather than I was, it hardly seemed to affect him at all.
'Too humid for you?' he smiled, wading over and setting a soggy hand on my head.
‘It's just...a little infuriating.’ I mumbled back, letting him run cold hands over the back of my head, the water on it feeling nice.
'I don't know how you just deal with it, I sweat like anything all through the day.' I wasn’t agitated but... slightly annoyed. Still more than happy to keep travelling through the amazon, but the persistent clinginess wasn’t something I could just forget about.
'Hey, how about this,' he held my head, a little more tenderly this time. 'I could cut your hair back a bit, get it off your neck and out of your eyes? You'd feel better then, right?'
He left it as a question non-question that hung in the air. My hair? It had been a little while since we started travelling together, a few months - I guess my hair had grown longer than usual. I probably needed a haircut, Rantaro was right. And who better than him? he knew a lot about appearances and styles, the perfect guy for the job.
He was there in front of me now, waiting expectantly for an answer, while still running a cool hand over the back of my head.
‘It has gotten a little long, but-’ I started to reply.
What he was up to, I didn’t realise, but without warning he cut me off and dunked my head under the current, soaking me all over. Shocked by the suddenness, I faltered for a moment and probably splashed him back in the process.
'Hey!' I spluttered, taken aback when I resurfaced.
'Yes?' he replied, ignoring my splutters in an entirely different tone, ever the calming and confident voice that managed to dissipate any anger I felt.
With the water now flattening it down, my hair covered my vision completely, practically reaching down to my nose when it was wet like this. I normally kept it just long enough that it would cover my eyes and ears when I wanted it to, and then some. I pushed it out of the way, mussed by the whole ordeal.
He laughed at the sight of me – I wanted to pout but knew he would’ve just laughed even more.
Rantaro liked my hair (I think) but sometimes he would scold me for trying to hide behind it so much. He kept his lecturing to a minimum, but I knew he would still hint at it sometimes. His subtle movements, whether it be tilting up the cap whenever I chose to wear a hat or brushing my hair away out of my eyes in the morning. He'd never asked to cut it before, that was new but - I'd let it get out of hand this time, I suppose.
‘Well, no time like the present!' He beamed suddenly, grabbing me by the wrist and wading towards the shallower area we used to get out. Being pulled out of the water, I couldn't help but start to have second thoughts.
'I don't know, Rantaro. I mean, maybe I'll just wait-'
'There's no need, Shuichi, let me do it for you, ok?' He urged, pulling me over to the tent. I winced a little. Arguing wasn't what I wanted, so by habit I gave up then and there when he shut me down.
Standing by the river bank, I watched Rantaro as he moved around inside our tent. I still wasn't wearing much from going in the water, but if Rantaro was going to cut my hair anyway then I might as well stay like this. The thought of hair clippings clinging to my already sticky body was not appealing in the slightest, but it was better than getting hair all over my clothes.
He was quick to re-emerge, holding a small towel and a few tools, and flashing me a smile before telling me to sit. I did so, wondering over to the riverbank again and letting my legs hang over the edge, resisting the temptation to swing them back and fourth.
'Rantaro?' I spoke, when he came over and started combing out my hair. I could feel the it snag on the comb he was holding, and then recognised gentle movements as he tried to work through it. Something cool brushed against the back of my neck against the warm humidity, making me jump - he must've been holding a pair of scissors in the same hand he held the comb.
'What is it?' he asked, kindly, picking up the towel he had fetched and dropping it over my shoulders.
'Maybe - could you just trim it to it's normal length? I really don't mind it too much with the humidity, so just normal is fine. I'm ... just not sure about anything more than that.'
His movements paused, and I felt a sigh come from behind me.
'It really is hot out here, Shuichi, it would be better if you let me cut it properly,' he spoke, more stern than he was before. 'It would make things easier for you.'
The steadfast unwillingness to compromise in his voice made me want to shrink away from his hands. I'd never had it much shorter before, and I liked my hair the way it was.
He really did want it to cut it shorter. It had me wondering silently if he'd been itching to do this for a while, or if it really was just the heat and his concern for me. He was the type to always be interested in change, he would drag me round shops looking for new clothes or coerce me into painting my nails, even asked a few times if I was interested in getting piercings like him. I mean, I loved him for who he was but I wasn’t used to living so fast paced, and found more comfort in familiarity.
'I don't think I'd feel comfortable,' I tried to tell him. he continued brushing through the strands as I spoke, brushing some to the side and forward and others back, pieces falling over my eyes and partially covering my vision again.
'Trust me Shuichi, you will. It'll be a nice weight off in this heat, and we've still got a ways to go through here,' he referred to the rainforest surrounding us.
He wasn't budging. I know he loved me and cared a lot, but part of me wondered in that moment if I should make him stop, get up and move out of his grasp.
Slowly, cautiously, like he was calling over a kitten about to scarper, he pressed a few fingers to the back of my head and pushed it forward. I could feel the strands against my neck, already close to being dry in the heat, only a little damp now. Rantaro didn't say anything else, but I could feel him sectioning off the hair right at the back and holding it tight between his fingers.
Should I pull away from him? ... The thought flashed across my mind too briefly as the cold metal brushing against my neck made me freeze.
It was Rantaro's nimble hands, poised with the scissors, and I felt and heard each grating snip as they chewed through the hair pinned between his fingers. the movement felt...really close. I almost didn't want to realise, when the clump of hair he had cut slipped over my shoulder and fell on my thigh. Just the sight of it did make me jolt out of his hold then, and I turned to look back up at him horrified.
it was a lot of hair. like, more than I'd ever seen come off my head, by a wide margin. I didn't want to touch it, realise it was mine, much less imagine how short that made the hair still attached.
I didn't understand why. Rantaro was always considerate of my feelings and my boundaries, so why would he just...
I turned, meeting his eyes, mouth hanging open. I couldn't even fathom it, his bright unchanging eyes smiling back and his gentle touch finding a place either side of my head. With just enough force, I was turned back to face forward, and he was given access to the back of my neck to continue.
'...That's way too short,' I told him with a voice that came out quiet and painfully stated the obvious.
He took another cluster of strands between his fingers and I could feel the snipping feeling start again before he responded to me.
‘It’ll grow back.’
Letting his words sink in and letting myself realise the situation, I couldn't bring myself to argue with him anymore. It was too late to do anything now anyway, maybe I was in some sort of shock but either way I started to responded to his gentle presses with movements, manoeuvring myself to his every whim, and watching the blue locks gather on the ground to my own disbelief.
I didn't really understand what Rantaro was going for, but eventually he made me turn around so that he could reach my bangs. My head already felt stupidly light, and the pile of hair I had to stare at on the ground had me at a loss, but for some reason this had me on edge even more than that.
'Alright, for this part you have to hold still, so say something if you need to move.' Amami spoke directly. 'And look down for me.'
His words made my body react before I could even think, and my eyes were looking down again, this time at Amami, the rim of his stripy shirt where it swayed in the evening breeze. A hand on me tilted my chin upwards, and then he was holding the scissors in front of my eyes. I wanted to look up at him, almost pleadingly, when he started to gather the strands and pull them taught.
He held them carefully, kneeling in front of me, I watched his pensive expression as he started to make cuts and made sure that I stayed still. My hair had dried completely now, so the strands fell easily when he cut them, landing both in my lap and on the grassy verge between us. It was a lot of mess, I wondered if we were just going to leave it there. I assumed so, maybe some of the birds roosting here would take some for their nests when we were gone - either way, it wouldn’t really be a problem.
Rantaro let go of the strands between his fingers, letting them fall back against my face. I was a bit stunned to feel nothing covering my eye on that side anymore. He did say he was going to get it out of my eyes, though, so maybe I should’ve expected it.
I looked up at him wide-eyed as he kept going. He smiled down at me, maybe pleased, maybe liking the look of his handiwork.
‘I told you to look down,’ he scolded, shaking his head at me, I quickly did as he said, looking back down to the rim of his shirt, but I could still just about see his subtle smile and hear his teasing laugh.
The rest was cut quickly, and it wasn’t long before I started to feel like pulling a hat over my eyes to hide them from the watchful stare from in front of me. He leant in even closer as he started to measure up the lengths and check his work. He was leaning over me, and I felt like I didn’t know where to look, so my eyes stayed on his chest. Shorter hair clippings fell on my cheeks and in my eyes, sticking from the humidity.
‘Just going to even it out,’ he assured me, when I gave him a dubious look. ‘Unless you want me to take it a bit shorter?’ He smiled down at me, teasing.
‘Yeah, no thanks,’ I sighed, tempted to jab him for that one. He laughed, giving my head a rustle and sitting back to take a look at me. I wasn’t super keen on that feeling of being stared at and assessed by him, looking off to the side instead of meeting his eyes.
‘Hmm, although… maybe a bit more off the sides,’ he murmured to himself, looking me up and down. Hearing those words, I shot back to looking at him, gauging the pensive look on his face and realising he was serious.
... He really didn’t know where to stop, surely he had cut enough already?
I gave him a glare when he shot me a smile and asked if I would turn around again, but… I didn’t refuse. He was clearly in his element, though he did get like this sometimes I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him as focused.
He kept going, and I listened to the occasional sounds of snips being made. He seemed close to being finished; I was just getting nervous about what it would look like, and whether I would recognise myself.
'How are you feeling?' Rantaro spoke softly then.
'Feeling very light,' I spoke, mellowing out a bit, calmer now.
'Right, it probably feels different.' he replied, hesitating. 'I know... you didn't really want it this short, Shuichi, but hopefully you’ll appreciate it. It's only us here, so... you can adjust to it.'
Rantaro set down his scissors then and pulled the towel off my shoulders, shaking the contents off. I moved, feeling a bit numb from sitting for so long.
I wasn’t sure whether to stand or stay where I was in that moment, assuming he was finished now. I was hesitant to see what I looked like, not really wanting to touch it, feel all that hair that was gone just like that. Rantaro was too fast though, already giving my hair a rustle and setting a mirror in my hands, forcing me to look.
'What do you think?' he asked, a little more sincerely this time.
'it's...different’ I murmured.
Just looking at myself felt overwhelming. It was so short. My eyes were wide and I could see them in their entirety, while normally my hair obscured my vision some.
I touched my hands to the back of my neck - the hair there barely long enough to pinch between two fingers. It was properly short, the feeling of it reminded me of running my hand over Rantaro's own undercut that he kept.
'You'll adjust' he assured, and grabbed my had to pull me up. 'Thanks, for letting me, Shuichi.'
I wouldn’t say I let him per se, but left it at that. He continued, guiding me towards the tent where we could finally settle and call it a night. I did contemplate getting in the water again to wash away any stray hairs that ended up sticking to me, but really the towel had done it's job for the most part and it was something that could wait till morning, seeing as it had already gotten dark.
What's done was done now so I didn’t plan on holding anything against him, and feeling the humidity again I didn't disagree that it was ever so slightly more bearable than before. Really, Rantaro insisting on this had been a caring act, as convoluted as that may seem.
--
We settled down in our tent as the sun set properly and the night stretched on. The night would get a little cooler, but still not cold enough to warrant sleeping bags. Outside the tent was loud as ever, tree frogs croaking and all sorts of bugs coming to life in the night.
We lay there together listening to the sounds of the forest, almost like white noise, neither of us falling asleep yet. Amami had coerced me into resting my head on his lap, so that he could mess with my hair, unable to help himself – I could see his ever so slightly proud smile, even in the dark.
'You keep your hair short yourself, don't you?’ I noted, remembering my thought from earlier and looking back at him. It hadn't been something I had consciously thought of before, but now I did. I suppose it made more sense for a traveller, made the heat more bearable when he ended up in places like this. He had had it the same way ever since I first knew him: a short undercut, with the rest staying relatively long and wavy. Longer than mine now, but in all fairness, he seemed a lot more used to bearing the heat, it didn't affect him at all. I was almost jealous.
‘Yes, I keep the back short, and then I trim the rest occasionally.' He replied. 'Useful to be able to do when you're constantly moving between different places.'
He sighed, tousling my hair again and probably sensing my train of thought.
‘It will grow back eventually’ he assured. I was still hung up on the hair, it would probably it would be a while till I wasn't. 'Just go with it for now.'
I frowned, feeling the strands myself where they ended abruptly between my own two fingers. it was pretty extreme. I wanted to scowl, but I couldn't when he looked at me so sweetly with those kind downturned eyes.
'Besides. You look way cuter,' he cooed, smile morphing into a smirk that spoke miles beyond his words. 'Nothing for those pretty eyes to hide behind now.'