Work Text:
Is there such a thing as a day being ruined the second you wake up? There must be, because by the time Akutagawa startles awake his eyes are already wet because of a nightmare that he can still clearly remember, he can’t even find relief knowing that it “wasn’t real” because it was a nightmare based on a real memory.
He consciously tries to avoid remembering certain things, because they are too painful. It just isn’t fair that his brain would remind him like that.
It’s an early Sunday morning, he’s still tired and now upset too so in the comfort of his warm bed he lets himself cry. At least, the fact that he has numerous stuffed animals in his bed helps him feel a bit less lonely throughout this and a little more supported. He buries his face in the soft fur of a bunny plushie that he won at a fair last year, muffling his sad sounds.
This might seem odd to other people, that someone his age would find comfort in such things but he’s long since stopped caring about what other people thought of him. If it made him happy then nothing else mattered. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that his childhood had been bad, he never got to do the things other children did, he was barely eight and already fighting for survival, for food, to protect his sister, his friends.
He got his first plushie (a black dog) at the age of nineteen, it was a gag gift from Chuuya during a secret santa, and turns out he ended up liking it more than expected. He even ended up naming it somewhere along the line, his name was Doggy.
Maybe it wasn't very original but he couldn't really get himself to care since in his opinion it fit just right. After this he eventually started collecting more until it reached the point where he had so many that half of them ended up on the floor after he woke up from sleep. It made him feel bad to think that they were on the floor during the night while he was comfy in bed but he still hasn’t found a way to keep them from falling.
And from there on, he ended up indulging in more and more childish endeavors, watching cartoons, buying items such as coloring books and toys, it was only after caving in and buying a pacifier that he finally found out that there was a name for what he was doing.
It was called age regression, and turns out he wasn’t the only person who did it. Learning that made him feel like less of a freak for what he was doing, and soon enough he lost all shame about it and started indulging more, buying more things for his regression and so on. It bought him joy so there was no reason for him to hold back. He wasn’t hurting anyone.
He’s always felt little in a way, he was forced to grow up so fast but now often felt like an overgrown child. It felt suffocating at times. But regressing helped, like a breath of fresh air.
So when he’s upset, it’s now become the first thing he goes for to feel better.
After crying for a bit, he doesn’t know how long, could’ve been ten minutes or an hour. He decides to crawl out of bed. He won’t allow himself to stay miserable on his one day off work, absolutely not. He sniffles and decides that breakfast is in order first, some sunny side up eggs are sounding very appealing this morning.
He shuffles out of his room and into the kitchen putting a pan on the stove and filling it with some oil, he’ll wait for it to warm before putting the eggs in and decides to set an alarm for ten minutes. Otherwise he’ll probably forget about it and starting a fire would most definitely ruin his day.
Akutagawa walks back to his room and decides to change out of his pyjamas into something more… appropriate for his current state of mind. He grabs a cute blue dog themed onesie bodysuit from the back of his closet, although he loved full body onesies this one was also very comfortable, and gave him the opportunity to pair it with some cute thick long socks.
After grabbing the outfit he decides to go to the bathroom to wash his face first, it feels icky after having cried for so long and some cold water to the face helps him feel less gross. When he’s done washing his face he has to grab one more important item from the cupboard under the sink before changing into his outfit.
It’s a diaper, a pink one with a cute bunny design on it. He has a stock of those under the sink he keeps for whenever he regresses.
When he first got those, he struggled for a bit trying to figure out how to put it on. But through much trial and error and reading a few guides he’s now become more comfortable with it. Pull-ups could’ve been an easier option but it just didn’t feel the same. Diapers feel more cushy and secure with all that taping and made his little experience feel more real.
The diapers are mostly for comfort, he doesn’t use them or at least not on purpose, if he ever gets distracted and an accident happens well it’s no big deal, this is kind of what they’re made for after all. Other people might find this whole thing odd or that he’s pushing it too far, but then again other people haven’t gone through the things that he’s gone through, they wouldn’t get why regressing helps him so much.
Other people’s opinions didn’t matter though, he’s spent long enough chasing after other people’s approval. Nowdays he’d rather focus on himself, and either way there were people out there who did get it who knew about this and loved him all the same such as his amazing boyfriend, Chuuya.
He didn’t judge him when he found out, he just listened to Akutagawa’s explanation and asked questions about his regression. Honestly, Akutagawa had been expecting mockery or disgust or anything else but Chuuya had been nothing but understanding. He even suggested taking care of Akutagawa at times and that made him feel overjoyed.
So Chuuya had become Akutagawa’s caregiver, his Daddy to be exact. But of course he couldn’t always be there when Akutagawa regressed, he’d been out on a work trip for a week now, he’s supposed to come back next tuesday.
Maybe Akutagawa will text him later, talking to Chuuya always cheered him up!
After changing into a diaper he puts his onesie on paired with his comfy socks and exits the bathroom, apparently just in time because from there he can hear the alarm in the kitchen ring.
He goes over there and turns it off before cracking three eggs in the pan, one of the yolks unfortunately breaks but at least it’s only one out of three. Could’ve been worse.
It doesn’t take long for the eggs to cook and soon enough he’s scooping them out of the pan and onto a plate, he makes sure to turn the stove off before grabbing his plate and carefully walking back to his room. He gets clumsier when little so he has to be extra careful because a broken plate and wasted food would likely cause a meltdown. And he’s already cried enough for today.
Thankfully he makes it just fine and moves to the corner of his room where he has a colorful playmat, the soft foam puzzle type, he sets a towel down on it to make sure he won’t dirty it and puts his plate on there.
It’s his little corner of the room that’s grown over the past few months into a proper space for little him. There are toys scattered around, there are many pillows and blankets and plushies there to make it comfortable and there’s a small tv in the corner. He pops in a tape of his favourite movie, Alice in Wonderland, before starting his breakfast.
Eating food in front of a movie is always the best, and he’s almost completely forgotten his awful nightmare from this morning. He enjoys his food, eating it slowly (as Chuuya has often instructed him, because if he eats too fast he’ll end up with a tummy ache and that is no fun)
When he’s done with his food he pauses the movie and cleans up, leaving his plate in the dishwasher and brushing his teeth for good measure. He likes eating eggs but doesn’t enjoy the aftertaste in his mouth. It makes him feel almost sick at times. Blegh.
After getting back to his room he grabs a cute pink pacifier and sticks it in his mouth. This one was a gift from his Daddy, it has his name, Aku, written on it!
Speaking of his caregiver, he decides to grab his phone send him a message, it’s quite early and he doesn’t know what Chuuya might be up to work-wise right now but it won’t hurt to check.
good morning, whatr you up to?
It takes a second, but to his surprise the message is quickly marked as Seen and Chuuya types up a response.
Hey baby! You’re up early, why didn’t you sleep in? I know you like to get an early start but still it’s barely 7. I’m in my hotel room right now, was just thinking about ya :)
It makes Akutagawa feel giddy to think that his boyfriend was thinking of him and he quickly types an answer back
I had a nightmare and couldn sleep anymore so i woke up and ate breakfast and am watching TV.
Aw are you okay? I’m sorry I wasn’t there for ya. By the way, you’re feeling small right now aren’t you?
It catches Akutagawa by surprise but he manages to respond fast enough
M’fine right now, how did you guess I was small?
Ha, well you usually type a bit fancier!
Sorry
No, it’s fine! It’s cute, it’s still readable and all so not a problem. What r ya watching?
Akutagawa answers this by snapping a quick picture of his TV and sending it to Chuuya, his boyfriend responds at once.
I love that movie too, a shame I'm not here. I would've loved to watch it with you ): We should watch it together again when I’m back home!
They’ve watched this movie together enough times that Akutagawa had assumed that Chuuya had gotten sick of it, apparently not then. That’s a relief.
The two text for a bit longer before Chuuya unfortunately has to leave, he promises to call him when he’s back though and that’s enough to keep Akutagawa from being too disappointed.
He settles in a pile of numerous plushies and pillows on the playmat and sets his phone aside, putting his full attention back on the movie and soon finds himself entranced. Maybe his resting spot is a little too comfortable because a yawn soon leaves him.
It made sense though, he woke up quite early and went to sleep quite late last night and either way he always ended up feeling at least a little bit sleepy after eating a meal. If eating gave energy, why did he always feel ready for a nap after eating something? Didn’t make any sense, he must’ve been lied to somehow.
Either way, a nap wouldn't hurt right now and everything feels warm and comfortable and with so many of his plush friends surrounding him nothing bad could ever happen to him, he’s sure.
He closes his eyes, lets Alice in wonderland become soft background noise and by the time the movie reaches its halfway point he is fast asleep with a soft bear plushie squeezed in his arms, dreaming of equally wondrous things. Nightmares long gone.