Archive of Our Own

Buck and Conor didn’t speak regularly. They were friends, sort of. They sent Christmas cards, and Buck got somewhat regular updates on his and Kameron's kids (of which they had two now). Buck would update Connor every few months on his job, and just last year, the two of them travelled to Utah for another college friend's wedding.

But today was different. Conor had called out of the blue last night, voice riddled with upset, to ask Buck if he wanted to get a drink today. Buck agreed since he wasn’t working and had nothing else planned.

That’s why Buck found himself sitting in a booth at the local bar with a beer in hand and Conor opposite him.

This wasn’t his usual bar. Buck wasn’t a snob by any means; he had probably worked in worse bars than this but that didn’t make the place any nicer. Beer and its strong odour filled the air, and the taste of sick worked with it to make a vicious attack on the senses. The tables and seats were sticky, but at least the drinks were cheap. Probably because that was the only way of getting customers in a hellscape like this.

Conor was there before Buck, already two drinks in. His frown dragged his face down, and his fingers peeled at the beer bottle label. His eyes found Buck as he entered, smiling slightly as Buck took a seat, placing down another two beers. Conor took the one offered to him quickly, having a large swig, then breathing out a sigh. Buck knew Conor in his drunk and high college days, but he looked worse now than he ever had. Which was impressive considering there were a surprisingly large number of times Buck had seen Conor covered in vomit.

“You look shit, man,” Buck sighed, unsure what else to say.

“I know,” Conor sighed. His free hand stroked his chin, brushing the messy stubble that hadn’t been shaved.

Buck watched Conor, the way he tilted his head away from Buck and let his eyes find the table. He stayed quiet for a moment, waiting for the man to explain what was wrong, but when that didn’t happen, Buck tried again.

“Your call was out of the blue.”

Conor’s mouth opened, then shut again quickly. One hand fiercely gripped his jaw as if he were trying to break it, the other tapped on the beer glass.

“Kam broke up with me,” Conor stated.

Kamerom and Conor were the perfect couple? They had been together for years. Going on a decade now. They had two young kids (one of whom Buck literally delivered on his couch). He couldn't grasp the concept of Kam and Conor not being KamAndConor.

“Why? What happened?” Buck asked. He knew how awful it was, but he secretly begged that there was cheating or lying or something. A reason.

“She.” Conor sighed and brought his hands to make air quotes, “fell out of love”

Buck sucked in a breath. What an awful reason. He thought internally. That could happen to anyone. He and Eddie had been dating for two years now. Buck knew cheating and lying wouldn’t happen with them, but falling out of love? That could happen to anyone. Instead of worrying for his friend, his heart filled with dread for his own relationship.

Buck and Eddie had always been BuckAndEddie, but then again, Kameron and Conor had always been KamAndConor. Anything could happen. Anything could ruin them.

“That’s awful man. What?” Buck sighed, trying to repress the butterflies that attacked his stomach.

Conor talked the rest of the night. He went through another four beers compared to Bucks' two. He sang about Kameron's hair and beauty, then cried about how lonely he now was. He’d spoken just about her love for bad television for around forty minutes. Buck listened to Conor as he mourned his relationship, trying not to mourn his own.

Eventually, after more memories were spilt and Conor could no longer keep up with his stories without stumbling over his words, Buck forced them both into a taxi. First, he asked to driver to take them to Conor's place. which was apparently a dingy hotel on the edge of town, which he insisted he was okay in. Once he was inside and safe, Buck went to his own home. The one where his beautiful boyfriend was sleeping in bed and his son was down the hall.

Buck crept in quietly, shrugging off his coat and dropping his keys into the bowl. Then he made his way to bed. He planted a kiss on his boyfriend's forehead before crawling into bed on the other side. He knew what he had to do. He had to make sure Eddie would never fall out of love.

--

He barely slept that night. Anxiety pouring into every dream. At one point, Buck shot up during the night, waking from a dream where Chris and Eddie disappeared with a note during the night. Buck threw his hand over Eddie's torso as he settled back down. Even if Eddie fell out of love (which Buck wouldn’t let him do), he wouldn’t leave like that.

Buck woke up, still restless, around six in the morning. That was early even for him. But the mission to make Eddie love him forever had to start.

Silently, he slipped out of bed and wandered into the kitchen. Eddie's favourite breakfast was French toast drizzled with syrup and a few strawberries. Christopher’s favourite was blueberry pancakes. Buck started making both. After all, the easiest way to Eddie's heart was loving Christopher.

It only took him around twenty minutes to get all the breakfast ready. Too anxious to sway his hips and hum to the radio as he cooked this morning, he made breakfast in silence. He set the pancakes on the table ready for Chris when he woke up, which probably wouldn't be long. Chris was usually an early riser, even during holidays and weekends. Once his son's breakfast was all set out and prepared, it was time to set up his boyfriends. He found a tray for the French toast. Set with a coffee and the breakfast Buck had curated this morning. All set out. Hopefully, all perfect. All for Eddie

Breakfast in bed. Maybe that could keep Eddie in love with him.

“Morning,” Buck chirped as he entered the bedroom.

Eddie was sitting up in bed, back resting against the headboard. His eyes glistened as he noticed his man, a smile growing on his face. His nostrils flared as the breakfast made especially for him filled the air. He dropped his phone from his hand as Buck walked over.

“It's not my birthday, is it?” Eddie asked with a slight chuckle as Buck placed the tray over his legs.

“No, I just love you,” Buck answered. Placing a light peck on his boyfriend's cheek.

Eddie smiled at his boyfriend, then pressed his lips against his. Letting out a loud mwah as they broke off.

“I love you,” Eddie said, picking up a fork. “I might love your food more, though,” Eddie joked.

Eddie joked. Buck knew it was a joke, of course it was a joke, right? It was just a harmless comment, it's funny! It should be funny. So why did it make him want to scream? It was a joke… wasn't it? Did Eddie really love his food more than him? What if he couldn't cook for him anymore? Would Eddie send him away? What if he hurts his hands at work and the doctor says he can't do anything in the kitchen? Would this finally be the strike of their downfall? Oh God, what if one day Chris comes home saying he likes one of his friend's parents' pancakes more than his own? It would be over for him. Maybe that's what happened with Conor and Kameron: they stopped doing the little things. Maybe they stopped doing the best for each other, and that's why the love went away.

Buck smiled as his boyfriend took the first bite, moaning loudly as he chewed… dread only filled Buck's stomach. Eddie was none the wiser, enjoying his mouthful. During bites, Eddie asked about their plans for the day. Buck wasn't rambling the way he usually would. He gave Eddie one or two-word answers.

He wasn't entirely sure what their plans for the day entailed. He knew it had to be perfect for Eddie. That meant an activity out with Chris, Eddie loved zoo days, probably more than Chris did.

“Where's yours?” Eddie asked once he finished the first slice of toast. He watched intently as Buck shrugged.

“Focused on you and Chris, he has pancakes,” Buck replied, still sitting on the edge of the bed, hand resting on Eddie's thigh.

“Have the other slice,” Eddie insisted, pushing the plate towards him slightly,

“Why? Do you not like it?” Buck asked, back straightening and brows furrowing.

“I love it, Buck, but aren't you hungry?” Eddie asked.

Buck shook his head slightly. He was hungry, but he had to focus on Eddie and keeping him in love with him first.

“Fine, I'll make lunch later then,” Eddie stated.

Buck thought for a second, then shook his head once more. Eyes glued on his boyfriend as Eddie took another bite of his French toast. Spilling syrup down his chin. Buck chuckled at him.

“Zoo today? Chris doesn't have school,” Buck asked

“Chris is going to his friends later, George, I think.”

“It's not on my calendar?”

Buck was meticulous. He wrote everything on the calendar. He could never forget anything; he vowed not to when it came to Eddie and Chris. His phone was linked to his laptop, both of which had his calendar fully updated on them. He also had a paper copy on the fridge, which he updated every moment he could. Eddie knew how important it was to him to remember stuff, so he would usually update it too, especially if he made plans Buck wasn't aware of.

“I put it in the fridge, he only asked last night. I'll drop him off around 11,” Eddie stated.

Buck sighed; he couldn't take the weight of this failure. The first failure of the day. Eddie would fall out of love with him just like Kameron fell out of love with Conor. They were doomed to repeat the same story.

Buck didn't check the calendar this morning. He was already failing today. He should have checked it, seen what was happening. Chris was out today, their son was going out, and Buck had no idea. Eddie must - no, he should hate him.

“I’ll drop him off, you relax,” Buck insisted, taking the now-empty plate from Eddie.

Eddie's lip quivered as he watched Buck and his quiet panic.

“Buck, what’s up?” He asked quietly, placing the plate beside them.

“Nothing?” he replied. Eddie's hand found Buck's hair, pushing the curls back off his forehead. Buck softened under the touch, letting a smile paint his lips.

“Buck,” Eddie said softly. His voice dripped with concern, and his eyes watched his boyfriend.

“I just,” Buck paused, unsure what his answer actually was. “Just. I want to take care of you.”

“You always do love,” Eddie smiled. Leaning forward and pressing his lips to his boyfriend's cheek.

Eddie's words, his actions, his heart weren’t convincing Buck. He knew he had to do everything and more to keep Eddie in love with him. Having Eddie Diaz love you was a prize Buck felt destined to lose

--

They eventually decided that they would both take Christopher to his friend's house, then go out for lunch. Buck insisted on driving. He was sitting in the seat of the truck, his hand resting on Eddie's thigh, listening as Christopher rambled about his sleepover plans. Thankfully, it was only a short drive. They stopped, and Buck jumped out, running around the truck to Christopher's door. Chris had already swung it open and was making his way out. Buck grabbed his crutches for him and handed him his bag. Receiving a smile from the boy.

“Thanks, buck,” Chris yelled.

“See you Thursday, call us for anything,” Buck said, kissing Chris's head of curls as the boy turned to the house. Chris waved lazily at Eddie before disappearing out of their sight.

Buck took a deep breath before climbing back into the truck. He opened the driver's door and threw his lanky legs in first. As soon as his torso was dragged in behind it, his hand went to grasp Eddie's thigh once again, even before going to the wheel or the car keys. Eddie was his priority, and he was going to make that clearer from now on. He was there for Eddie, he always would be, and he needed to make that clear.

“He’ll be alright,” Buck whispered as he turned the key in the car. The roar rumbling below them.

“I know,” Eddie said, his fingers playing his Bucks hand, “Kids always at sleepovers now,”

“He got a better social life than us,” Buck laughed.

The car began to move as they pulled out of the street, going to find their lunch spot for the day.

--

It was a lush little spot with few visitors. They loved this place for the quiet ambience and polite service. The owners were older, probably should be retired, lovely souls who smiled brightly on every entry the pair made, no matter the time of year or day. John and Mary. Buck and Eddie had learned their names on their first visit to the diner when they were ushered in by a smiling John, who showed them to a side booth by the window, which was decorated with flowers grown by Mary. They introduced themselves, and over the many visits, they'd learned more and more about the pair. Buck and Eddie had even gone to their personal home to install fire safety equipment on a day off. Now every time they entered, John would usher them in and make sure their usual booth -the one they'd sat in that first meal- was empty and clean.

Today was no different. They entered, immediately greeted by the pearly whites of the older man. He ushered them over to the booth by the window, the one that overlooked the garden. The elderly woman was out there, tending to the roses and upon spotting the pair, she waved to them. Politely, they waved back. Buck vowed they’d go and say hello properly before going.

Eddie looked over the menu, pretending to search for something to eat even though he ordered the same thing every single time.

“Beef burger and fries? No seeds on the bun and extra pickles.” Buck asked, placing his menu down,

“You know me so well,” Eddie smiled, eyes still searching the menu in his hands.

“What else are you looking at?”

Eddie placed the menu down quickly, like it were a phone with a message from a mistress. He just smiled at Buck, who was watching him intently.

“What else do you want, Eds?” Buck asked, his hand finding Eddie's and stroking it softly.

“Garlic bread, honestly, it’s all I can think about.”

“We’ll get it as a side. And apple pie for dessert.”

“God, I hate to think of the bill.”

“You aren’t paying it, so don’t think.”

Eddie stared at Buck like he was an idiot. Like he had food stuck in his teeth or a word plastered on his forehead. He chuckled slightly, but Buck's face didn’t change; he seemed convinced he’d pay.

“Buck, you never pay. You cook at home, so I pay when we eat out,” Eddie stated, his lip twisting upwards as he watched his boyfriend.

“I’m paying today,” Buck insisted.

Eddie was ready to argue, his mouth already opening, but he didn’t have the time. The lovely owner came over to them with his notepad out and pen grasped, ready to write their orders down. Buck listed off what they’d have, taking care of Eddie in every way imaginable. Even ordered Eddie a beer since Buck would drive them home.

The drinks were brought over quickly, and they both forgot about the payment issue for the moment. Discussing the team, recent calls and other various topics as they waited for the food, which didn’t take long to arrive at their table. Their conversations slowed but didn’t stop as they ate, each saying a sentence then having a bite as the other spoke. Silence never lingered for long with those two.

“Chris wants a movie night soon,” Eddie stated as he had some garlic bread, “I am not watching another Marvel movie; we’ve already watched them all this year, most of them twice.”

“If Chris is picking the movie, it will absolutely be a Marvel movie,” Buck replied. He had finished his dinner now and wasn’t daring to touch the garlic bread, which was for Eddie.

“Well, what would you choose, Buckley?" Eddie asked.

Buckley. The way Eddie said it usually filled his stomach with butterflies. The kind that had him kicking his feet with giddiness. The almost bratty tone of voice he used. But
today? Today, those feelings didn’t come. Today, Buckley felt like a curse. Felt like distance and hatred. On a day he was trying to be everything for Eddie, being Buckley was the worst fate.

“My choice doesn’t matter. What would you want?” Buck asked, taking a sip of his drink, watching as Eddie raised a brow.

“Choice doesn’t matter? Buck, what does that mean?”

“You pick a movie,”

Eddie paused, staring at Buck. Studying the way his lip twisted and his blue eyes watched him. He almost felt intimidated under the gaze, like Buck was mapping out every feature.

“Buck.” He said softly, his hand dropping his fork and moving to lay on Bucks, “Is something wrong?”

There it is. Buck thought. In his attempt to make Eddie fall in love, he was doing the opposite. The soft care Eddie exhibited broke him; instead of being the strong, loving person Eddie needed, Buck was worrying him. This wasn’t the love he wanted to give. This wasn’t the love Eddie deserved.

“I love you,” Buck smiled, turning his hand over so he could hold Eddies, his thumb scratching the skin.

“Buck?” Eddie asked, lip twitching as he searched his boyfriend's face.

“It’s bold of us to assume Chris will give us the choice,” Buck stated, changing the conversation, hoping Eddie would drop his concern.

“Yeah, we won’t get the choice,” Eddie replied, chuckling nervously.

His eyes were still searching Buck's face for answers. When the answer didn’t show, he took another bite of his burger.

The old man took their plates once they were done, then returned seconds later with a plate of apple pie, placing it in the centre of the table with two forks. Eddie jumped straight in, gripping his fork and digging it into the end of the pie, moaning as he took his first bite.

“They usually bring ours out together,” Eddie stated, looking over his shoulder towards the white door with the fork decor on.

“I didn’t get anything.”

Eddie stopped mid-chew. Watching his boyfriend with a stern expression. He watched as Buck's lip twitched and his eyes glazed, the way they did anytime he watched Eddie. Blue eyes shimmering, glassed over to the point Eddie could see his own reflection.

“Share then,” Eddie said, pushing the other fork towards Buck. Buck put his hand up politely, declining the offer and pushing back into the booth seat. “Buck?”

Eddie waited. Buck stayed silent.

“Take another bite,” Buck ordered. Eddie followed the order. He always did.

Sure, Buck liked the food here. Actually, he loved their apple pies, but they were a treat; they were a happy food. The apple pies here were perfect for happy days and happy lives, which Buck usually had with Eddie. But when the only thought on his mind was all of it ending, apple pie was not what he wanted. Even a delicious, freshly-baked apple pie from the best spot in time.

Eddie seemed to enjoy the pie, which was the exact reaction Buck desired. He offered Buck a bite a few times but eventually ate it all himself. Buck did skip dessert occasionally; it wasn't something completely out of pattern for him.

What was out of pattern was the way he slammed cash on the table when the bill was brought over. The owner placed it on Eddie's side of the table; they'd been here enough times that the owners knew who paid every time. Buck didn't give Eddie enough time to pull his wallet out of his jeans before he pulled the receipt over and placed several ten-dollar bills down to pay the bill and leave a healthy tip.

“Buck?” Eddie asked, a tinge of concern in his voice.

“Yea?” Buck replied, nodding as he turned to his boyfriend with a smile.

“I pay,”

“Today you don't"

“Buck?

“Come on, let's go home.”

Buck reached for his keys in his pocket, pulling them out as Eddie stood from his side of the booth. He wanted to argue, Buck could see it in the way his lip twinged, but Eddie didn't say anything. He slipped his hand into Bucks's and followed him out of the restaurant, waving goodbye to the owners as they left.

--

The rest of the day was fairly normal. They'd strolled along the beach holding hands and engaging in casual conversation before throwing their tired bodies back into the car for the drive home. Once in, Eddie collapsed onto the sofa, falling into the corner with one arm flung onto the armrest. His shoes were still on as his feet hung in the air.

“I am exhausted. We haven't even done anything,” Eddie moaned. Buck chuckled behind him.

Buck would often tease Eddie for being ‘an old man’. Little things he did, like cracking his back every morning and complaining about technology. However, the usual quip he’d muster when Eddie muttered something like he just did didn't come today. It didn't feel right to do.

So instead, he would take care of Eddie and his old man ways. Not like he didn't usually, but today he’d do it without the snarky comments and with a little more attention.

The first thing he did was pull his boyfriend's shoes off his feet. An action that made Eddie chuckle, but the look on his face was pure delight. Smiling down at his boyfriend with a pearl-white grin that made his fangs visible. He wiggled his feet dramatically once they were free, causing Buck to laugh and almost topple from his crouched position. After the shoes, he leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend's forehead before leaving to put both his and Eddie's shoes away in the cupboard. The next job was to get Eddie a beer. The fridge in the kitchen usually had a six-pack stored on the top shelf (where Chris couldn't yet reach, but the boy was shooting up), so they were cold. Perfect to drink straight away. He pulled one out and pulled the top off before taking it through to Eddie.

He hung over the back of the couch and dangled it in Eddie's face. That boyish grin came back to his face immediately upon seeing Buck. Eddie's hand wormed up to his neck to pull him down for a kiss before even noticing the beer. Once he did, he kissed the side of Buck's lips and took it from his hand.

“For me?”

“Of course,”

Eddie took a swig, then wiggled on the couch, letting his legs fall open. A Buck-shaped hole there, ready for him. Buck didn't seem to notice, though. He turned from the sofa and began tidying the mantlepiece (which had been dusted by Chris the day before as part of the boys' chores).

“What are you doing, Buck?” Eddie asked, watching his boyfriend as he reorganised books on the shelf.

“Just cleaning,” Buck said, not even turning to face his boyfriend.

Unable to see the quiver in his boyfriend's lip or the vein -that only came out when Eddie was worried- in his forehead.

“Come sit,”

“I'm tiding,”

“Buckkkkkk,” Eddie whined, throwing his head back, “Come sit with me,”

Buck turned now. Looking at his insatiable boyfriend. The man whose hair had fallen in a perfect place. The lips that looked desperate to be kissed. The glimmer in those brown eyes that Buck had fallen in love with. Eddie really was a sight, Buck couldn't refuse.

“Okay,” Buck smiled, falling onto the sofa.

Buck's head fell straight onto Eddie's chest. His arms smothering the man. Legs hanging off the sofa, which obviously was not built for two 6-foot men to cuddle on. Buck wiggled until comfortable. His head ended up in the nook of his boyfriend's neck. The hot air from his breath painted Eddie's skin. Eddie's hand, the one not flung over the back of the sofa holding a beer, crawled into Buck's hair. Gently caressing the soft curls humming to himself constantly.

They were both filled with warmth. Their smiles, which were not visible to each other, both plastered on their faces, spilling light into the room.

This was comfortable. This was perfect. This was BuckAndEddie.

-

They'd fallen asleep on the sofa. Buck slobbering onto Eddie's chest carelessly, and Eddie digging his chin into the soft cushion of Buck's hair. Both his hands were laid on Bucks' back whilst Bucks were hooked under his boyfriend's arms. Intertwined to the point it was impossible to tell where one began and the other ended.

The thing that broke them out of their sweet hold was Bucks' alarm blaring from the kitchen where he'd left his phone. Buck wasn't the heaviest of sleepers; however, a quiet murmur of an alarm in the next room definitely would not awaken him from his slumber. However, Eddie? It woke him up on the second decibel.

“Buck,” he whispered softly, Buck barely noticing as his snore vibrated into Eddie's chest. Eddie smiled down adoringly at his boyfriend, but after the alarm's tone rang again, he nudged him, “Buck love,”

Buck fidgeted above him, gently waking up. Eddie could feel his eyelashes fluttering against his chest and hear the grog in his voice as he awoke, “What?”

“Your alarm,” Eddie whispered.

Buck rubbed his eye with one hand, then used the other to push himself off the sofa, falling to his bad knee in an action that made Eddie shoot up.

“You alright?”

Buck just nodded, pushing himself up and leaving for the kitchen. Eddie was ready to follow, but before even getting off the sofa, he heard an explicit yell and Buck rushing into the lounge.

“It's eight thirty,” he exclaimed, suddenly wide awake.

“Shit,”

Both of them rushed up without their usual morning kisses or coffee. They decided to share a shower (to save time, of course) before rushing through their dressing routines. Buck had an alarm set for two hours before work and then a second for an hour before… they managed to wake on the fifth auto-snooze of the second alarm. Leaving them with only half an hour to get ready, it was enough, though. Just.

--

They fell into the station, behind the rest of the shift, and rushed to the locker room to get into their uniforms. They only had five minutes until they were classed as late, which for them was appalling. They were usually here with at least twenty minutes to spare, getting ready at a leisurely pace; however, today, due to another Buck screw up, they were late.

He tried to swallow down the bitter taste in his stomach as they got ready. Grasped Eddie's hand like it was a lifeline as they walked up the stairs to the kitchen, only letting go when Bobby asked for help cooking. Eddie sat at the counter with Chimney as the pair cooked. Chimney updated them on Jee-Yun and the now awkwardly named Robert (after their not dead after all, captain), who they all called RJ. Apparently, the baby was trying to walk now, and Jee was trying to help him; he even brought videos. Hen and Ravi were on the couch at the other end of the loft, engaged in a serious Mario Kart battle which would likely decide the mood of the whole day. It was a good qu… slow start to the day.

They dished up breakfast with the team joining the table. Buck's hand was resting on Eddie's thigh as he ate awkwardly with his left hand. Eddie was smiling beside him as he indulged in the meal cooked up. Hen was updating everyone on Mara and her Halloween plans (despite the occasion being several months away). Apparently, Jee was just as excited, but the occasion wasn't as appealing to Buck or Eddie anymore; now, Chris was too old and too ‘cool’ to go trick-or-treating with his parents.

Luckily for them, the bell didn't ring once. Letting them enjoy their breakfast in perfect harmony and intense conversations. However, unluckily, no calls meant a lot of cleaning to do. Buck and Eddie were assigned to clean the firetruck, which they'd driven around the back of the station, ready to do.

Eddie was filling up the first bucket when Buck came behind him, wrapping his arms around his exterior and snaking his hand onto the bucket handle. With a kiss to his boyfriend's lips, he took the weight of the bucket and carried it to the truck. Eddie smiled fondly, turning off the hose and following behind him.

They washed together for a few moments. Water splashed against the truck as their silent hums communicated to each other. Buck would dunk his sponge into the soapy bucket as Eddie swiped his own against the windows, working together to create a sparkle.

“God, this takes forever,” Eddie sighed as he looked into the almost empty bucket.

“I got it,” Buck replied, grabbing the bucket and dragging his feet over to the hose with the bucket in hand.

Buck returned, dropping the heavy bucket on the floor before his feet. He smiled at Eddie.

“You sit, I got this.”

“You can't wash the entire truck by yourself.”

“You probably didn't sleep well last night with me drooling over you,” he stated, eyes watching Eddie, “just sit and relax,”

“I’ll have you know, Buck,” Eddie started stepping forward and grasping the sides of Buck's turnout, “you drooling on me is how I sleep best.”

Buck chuckled beneath his breath. Eddie was the greatest person he knew. He loved him for him and showed it every second. The thought of losing it still plagued him. Before he knew Eddie, he felt lost; before they dated, he was always missing a piece. The thought of losing his way again still terrified him. Even Eddie's sweet reassurances scared him. How could he ever survive losing his funny, attentive boyfriend?

In the end, they washed the truck together. However, Buck made sure to do all and any heavy lifting. He was also the one to climb on top of the truck to make sure the equipment was clean and checked. Once done, he climbed back down and swayed into his boyfriend with a smile. Like a golden retriever waiting for a treat, except Buck was praying he'd stay.

“Alright, just routine maintenance now,” Eddie stated, stripping himself of his sweat-covered shirt.

“What?” Buck asked.

“Just gotta go under the truck, make sure everything is connected,” Eddie said with a smile.

“I got it,” Buck said, removing his own shirt. Sighing at the truck.

Buck hadn't been under the truck in years. He did maintenance in his probie year, but after being actually trapped under the truck, he'd never been assigned that job. He wasn't scared… actually, he was. He knew it was irrational though; however, Eddie leaving him? That wasn't irrational. That could happen. It happened to Kam and Conor. So if facing an irrational fear meant saving a rational one from happening, he'd do it.

Eddie could probably do better than Buck. He knew that; he hoped Eddie didn't know that too. One way to secure Eddie was for Buck to show him how much he loved him. If that meant making sure he never had to lift a finger again, he would do it.

“Buck?” Eddie asked with a voice dripping with confusion, “You haven't been under the truck in years; I can do it.”

“I can do it,” Buck stated, watching his boyfriend's eyebrow twitch, “It's time I got over this silly fear anyway.”

“Buck. It's not a silly fear; you almost died.”

Buck paused. He knew it was true, but he also wanted to be strong. Be the man Eddie deserved.

“I got it, Eds,” He said, making his way to the floor.

He paused slightly. Memories of the bombing those years ago in his mind. Phantom pain shooting through his pain as though he was actually there. The raw screams he barely heard on the day ringing in his head like he was under that truck again. His hands clammed up. He wasn't even lying down yet, he was just sitting beside the truck, remembering those days when he was unmoveable by it.

“Buck, don't," Eddie said, grabbing Buck's shoulder.

“I can handle it,” Buck sighed.

If this were a usual day, he would have made a motion to pat Eddie's hand or lean up and kiss him. He couldn't now though. His hands were slippery and his jaw trembling. Although Eddie could definitely already see it, he couldn't make him feel it too.

Eddie and Buck were almost mentally linked, though. What Buck felt, Eddie sensed. The tremble, the anxiety, the memories… they weren't just rushing for Buck right now.

Eddie, the man who was a step too far, during that dreadful night, stood eyes-locked on the truck. As though he was mentally fighting to keep it upright. The man who listened to the screams every night for a week afterwards. Even still, now if the pair were on opposite shifts or not within touching distance during sleep, Eddie would worry.

“Maybe I can't handle it, Buck,” he said, exacerbated, “Please. Just. Just let me,” he added in a beg.

Buck nodded; it was all he could muster right now. Pushing himself off the ground as Eddie went down. Crawling beneath it.

They didn't speak about the truck incident, at least not whilst working. Buck's mind is plagued with another failure. Another possible reason for Eddie to no longer love him.
He wasn't strong enough. He worried about him. He couldn't do everything.

--

The shift continued with Buck doing small tasks for Eddie. Everything from placing his plate down first to cleaning the bathrooms, despite it being Eddie's job. He made sure to check on Chris and update Eddie immediately. They'd only had two calls so far today, but Buck was rushing to do the heavy lifting before Eddie could move.

When not doing jobs, Buck stayed close to Eddie, as though proximity would force Eddie to remain in love.

--

They'd just had a call and rolled back into the station around eleven pm. It had been a small fender bender where two cars crashed. Both drivers were alone and completely unharmed; however, one of the cars was impossible to open. Hen and Chimney checked on one patient. Buck got the jaws of life and then proceeded to get the other driver out alone. Insisting Eddie should relax, leaving him to hover awkwardly behind him. The call had been quick overall. One of the patients had been recommended to go to the hospital, but completely refused (which happens), meaning they all rolled into the station together. Hen, Ravi and Chimney were straight off to the bunks and Cap to his office.

“You off to the bunks?” Eddie asked once the pair had migrated to the locker room.

“Not yet, you go ahead, I'll be a few minutes,” Buck replied, reaching into his trouser pocket to pull out his phone.

“Come on, you've got to be tired,” Eddie added, watching Buck as the man scrolled his phone.

“I missed a call from Conor. I'll be two minutes.”

Eddie bit his lip and searched his boyfriend's face unbeknownst to Buck, who was scrolling through the messages left. If Buck would just look up he would see the tight jaw on the confused man beside him. When he finally did look up with a smile, Eddie shook his head, hiding the scrunch he had just shown.

“Okay, I'll see you in a minute?” Eddie said. Without meaning to, it came out like a question.

“Yeah, two minutes,” Buck smiled as his phone began singing with a call.

Buck kissed Eddie's cheek quickly before leaving the room. Muttering hellos to Conor before becoming out of earshot. Buck didn't make it to the bunk room for twenty minutes.

--

They left shift early the next morning, weariness gripping their bones and legs lagging behind their bodies. Buck drove with a hand on the gearstick, and Eddie's hand played with it tiredly. Eddie was speaking softly about their shift and plans for the day. Neither mentioning the phone call from last night. They had a few hours to get some more sleep before having to get Chris from his friends.

They'd both shrugged off their clothes and crawled into bed almost immediately. Eddie flung out his arms and lay sulking until Buck crawled into them. It took Buck joining him for a smile to take over his face and his eyes to fall shut.

-

Buck awoke later on, only several minutes before his alarm was due to get off. In his best attempt to be a good boyfriend, he cancelled the alarm and got dressed quietly. Shooting off a message to Chris that he was on his way.

He kissed Eddie on the forehead before leaving the house and climbing into his boyfriend's car. The truck was better for Chris, with handles at the back to help him pull himself into the car, and they could park easily in it.

It was around a twenty-minute drive with typical traffic, enough time to call Conor again.

The phone rang twice before Conor answered, the radio dimming as the call connected to the speakers. He knew his intentions were wrong. Calling his friend to essentially snoop to ensure his own relationship wouldn't head to the same fate, but he had to.

“Hey, you alright, man?” Buck asked.

He could hear Conor shuffle and sniffle from his end of the phone. The sounds of a deeply damaged man that Buck dreaded to become.

“I guess.”

“She, erm-” Buck wracked his mind for the best way to ask without making it all about his own concerns, “She said much more about why?”

“Just didn't love me. I didn't even see the signs man-" Conor hiccuped loudly then sighed like he was mad at himself, “she told me she loved me a month ago. We were having sex, dates. I don't- I don't fucking know man, I just stopped mattering to her.”

Conor's exhaustion was evident through his voice and the small breaths he was taking. Buck could practically hear the purple hue around his eyes and tears that were probably drying on his skin.

He had no words.

Buck and Eddie were having sex. They were having dates. Telling each other they loved them daily -probably hourly. But so were Conor and Kam. In a call he had hoped would soothe his nerves, he only found them worsened.

He concealed his emotions, said his goodbyes to Conor with promises to talk again soon, then pulled the truck to the curb of Chris’s friend George’s house. He stepped out and opened the door as Chris left the house. His crutches bashed on the floor as he made his way to the car. Buck took his bag as Chris crawled in with a smile.

“Where's dad?”

“Left him to sleep,” Buck smiled as he shut Chris’ door before stepping in his own door.

“Does that mean we can play pop radio?”

“Not a fan of your dad's country music?”

Chris sighed loudly in a typical teenager way as Buck turned up the radio. Taylor Swift songs blaring through the car.

Buck's mind ran with different thoughts of Eddie. Times he'd made him happy, like when he brought flowers home for their two-month anniversary or the time he made him a fabulous dinner after an argument he'd had with his parents. He knew how to make Eddie swoon. How to make him happy. Hopefully how to keep him in love.

He could do that.

“Chris, are you happy to go to the grocery store?”

“Can you buy me chocolate?”

“Is your homework done?”

“Duh.”

“Okay.”

Buck pulled his car into the parking lot, parking in the disabled bay right in front of the entrance and car into park. Then went round to help Chris and his crutches out of the car.

Chris liked to hold the cart whilst shopping, using it as a frame almost. Buck held the boy's crutches as they wandered. He brought all the ingredients for Abuela's famous stew (the only stew that Buck knew which had everyone excited to eat). Chris pointed at every unhealthy-looking food, asking Buck if he could have it. Buck declined for half of them, but there was a reason shopping was usually done with Eddie. Buck found it near impossible to say no to either Diaz boy.

They got to the tills with half a cart full of shopping (most of which they probably had at home). Only seven items were Bucks ready for the meal tonight, the rest were things Chris needed (like the folder he claimed he needed for school because it was cooler than his current one) or the sickly looking brownies he wanted. Buck's eyes found the flower section as they loaded the shopping into the till, his eyes staring at the yellow daisies.

“I’m just going to grab some flowers.”

“You’re such a sap,” Chris complained as Buck smiled and rushed over to the flowers.

Examining them all quickly whilst turning his head to watch Chris intermittently. He decided on a bouquet with sunflowers and daisies, perfect for Eddie. He got back to the counter just as the cashier swiped the last item, placing down the flowers and preparing his card to pay. Then placing all the bags back in the cart, ready to return to the car.

The drive from the store was only five minutes to the house. Eddie was awake now, vacuuming the front room as Buck and Chris entered. Buck was barely visible behind the bags of supplies he brought. Eddie quickly turned off the vacuum, abandoning it on the floor as he approached Buck.

“We don't do a shop until Sunday?" Eddie asked, attempting to take a bag from Buck, a bag Buck wouldn't let him take.

“Needed a few things,” Buck stated as he entered the kitchen, leaning forward to place the bags down.

“This is a few things?” Eddie chuckled.

Buck began unpacking the bags, placing items on the counter as Eddie put them away. Questioning the biscuit bars which were 90% chocolate and holding up the black and white notebook Chris had begged Buck for.

“He has twelve unused notebooks, Buck,” Eddie sighed, placing the book down with the colourful pens on the side of the counter.

“But that one has no lines,” Buck replied as he put the vegetables in the fridge.

“He had three like that.”

“Are any of them black and white with squiggles on?”

Eddie laughed in response. Chris most definitely didn't need the book, but he also didn't have a black and white squiggle pattern notebook with no lines so obviously it was an essential. Chris had disappeared to his bedroom as Buck pulled out the slow cooker from beneath the sink.

“What are you making?” Eddie asked, leaning onto the counter.

“I am making some of your abuela's stews.” Buck smiled, placing a kiss on Eddie's cheek.

“What's the occasion?”

“Just cause I love you,” Buck said, face radiating with joy as he filled the cooker with water.

-- Eddie POV --

“Just cause I love you,” Buck said to him.

Eddie watched the smile on his boyfriend's face. The way he seemed genuinely happy to be doing something for Eddie. It should make him pleased? Right? What kind of crazy person doesn't feel joy when their boyfriend is kind to them?

See, Eddie was very used to having the best boyfriend ever. In comparison to his exes (considering they were women and Eddie was far too gay for them), Buck was superior in every way. Their life together was perfect. Incredible. They'd wake up entangled in each other, kiss each other with morning breath. They drove everywhere together, cooked together, worked together, lived together. The thing about perfection though… It rarely lasts long.

Now Buck, he was the perfect boyfriend, perfect man, perfect person. He was everything that Eddie could dream of. You listen to songs and watch romcoms describing the perfect person to fall in love with, and Eddie had found his in the form of Evan Buckley. He brought him flowers, made sure he was okay and looked after Chris.

But he was doing more. He never wanted to be suspicious of Buck; they were one of the same, and he knew in his heart that his boyfriend would never do anything wrong. So why was he compensating for something? Why was he cooking his favourite dinners and paying for dates out of the blue? Why did he tell him he loved him every moment, as though he was scared it wasn't true?

There had to be a reason for Buck's strange behaviour. Eddie had checked and rechecked his calendar three times now, but nothing signalled a reason for the behaviour. There were no life-changing events or anniversaries near them. It was still a month until Eddie's birthday, a few more til their anniversary. What was going on?

His first thought was maybe Buck was just worried. They worked extraneous jobs with high risks but nothing had happened to them in a while, so it didn't feel like the right explanation. Buck hadn't done anything wrong recently. A month or two ago, he put himself in danger on the job and in penance to Eddie, he brought flowers and made dinner. That wasn't here this time, plus it had gone on for longer.

It had gone on since...
Since Buck went out with Conor.

Bucks wouldn't. Eddie knew he wouldn't.

But why was he overcompensating since that night, as though he had done something wrong?

Why had there been the twenty-minute-long call last night that wasn't mentioned again? Why were the two men who spoke yearly suddenly talking multiple times this week?

What was-

Had Buck? No. No, he hadn't. He wouldn't.

It would explain it though.

Eddie watched as his boyfriend cooked, mesmerised by the way he chopped carrots and in awe when he danced from the chopping board to the slow cooker.

Eddie was crazy. Evan Buckley was too perfect to have done something like that.

-- Buck POV --

Everything was in the slow cooker now, left to cook for a few hours. He had been glad to be cooking. It was the one activity that took his mind off things. He'd get lost in the chop-chop on the board and the routine of cooking, cleansing his negative thoughts. It was good, almost meditative.

Once he was done though, that gave time for the doubt to return.

Eddie was behind him, watching but not noticing. His eyes appeared blank like he were in another world. Buck wasn't really sure what it meant; he hadn't seen that look from his boyfriend before.

Buck stepped towards his man and let his hand gently grab the wrist that was hanging low. Eddie smiled immediately, blinking as he was brought out of his trance.

“Hey there,” Buck said, the sentence came out sounding more like a question.

“You finished cooking?” Eddie asked, looking around.

“All done, you alright?

Eddie appeared to hesitate slightly. Opening his mouth, but only air leaving. Like the words were physically stuck in his throat. He nodded slightly.

“Eds?”

“Yeah, I'm good.” Eddie said clearly, nodding his head again as he spoke, as though it was a magic cure to make him okay, “movie?”

It was Bucks' turn to silently deliberate. He could normally read Eddie like a book, but not now… now he couldn't. His eyes searched Eddie's face, hoping for a clue which didn't seem to show. Maybe the fate he feared they were headed for was closer than he thought.

He swallowed quietly, his hand still gently resting on Eddie's wrist as his stomach twisted.

Buck had never believed in god, but now he found himself praying to whoever was listening that this dinner would work. Praying that this was all going to work and Eddie was going to stay.

“A movie? Yeah,” Buck said finally, smiling at Eddie, who caught his eye. Eddie let his hand fall from Buck's wrist into his hand, both of them hoping the other wasn't going to leave, but neither mentioning their concerns.

-

Chris ventured out of his room, asking the pair to watch Avengers Age of Ultron with him. They agreed as the movie began playing. Marvel movies together had become somewhat of a tradition in the house; it was nice. Eddie in the corner of the sofa with Buck leaning on his chest. Chris fidgeting at the end, checking his phone repeatedly. Buck would interrupt the movie and ask if Eddie recognised the actor then detailing the various other movies he knew them from. Eddie was the only one who would concentrate on the movie, despite claiming not to be a fan of Marvel.

The movie passed and by the end, Chris was asleep, leaning onto Buck's shoulder. Buck and Eddie were awake, playing with each other's hands under the blanket.

“I love you,” Buck whispered, barely audible to Eddie.

“I love you,” Eddie replied into Buck's neck, pressing a light kiss before grabbing the remote, “What movie now cariño?”

“You pick, I'll have to go sort dinner soon anyway,” Buck stated, shuffling his shoulders further into Eddie whilst trying not to disturb Chris.

“Can I have my telenovas on?”

Buck smiled and nodded into Eddie's chest as he put on one of his Mexican drama shows. Buck watched the subtitles for about an hour until gently getting up, leaving Chris to lean on his father and heading to the kitchen.

The flowers brought earlier were still in his car. Buck set out the vase in the middle of the table ready for them. He got a few candles out but didn’t light them yet. Chris had asked, well, really told Buck earlier that he was going to be playing Fortnite with his friends at 6, which meant Buck and Eddie would likely have dinner alone. Thankfully, the stew would still be warm when Chris was done, and the boy had plenty of snacks in his room.

Buck set the table, then slipped out the back door to grab the flowers from the truck.

He wanted to be romantic tonight. Wanted to treat Eddie.

So with flowers in his hands and a flattened shirt, he walked to the front door and knocked. Like a usual date would.

Eddie swung open the door with his face twitching in confusion. His brow rose on the left side of his face and his lip turned inward.

“Hiya Handsome,” Buck said, pulling the flowers from behind his back to hand to hold out for Eddie.

Eddie smiled and took the flowers, the confusion still splashed across his face.

“What’s this?”

“Date night, come on,” Buck said, grabbing Eddie's free hand and pulling him through to the kitchen.

Now that two firefighters were watching, he grabbed the lighter and lit the candles. The flames flickering in the middle of the table setting a romantic ambience. Eddie stood frozen at the door like a part of the furniture. Still and unmovable. Shock and confusion forced him in place.

“Are you proposing?" Eddie asked quickly.

He slammed his mouth shut the second he said it. He didn't want to ruin it if he was (a bit late for that now) but he also couldn't take there not knowing. The anxiety-fulled scenarios played in his mind as he pleaded for this to be the answer. It couldn't be the other thing. It couldn't.

“What, no?” Buck replied too quickly.

Eddie shook his head with tears forming in his eyes.

“I didn’t want to- I kept looking for reasons. Buck. What-“

“Eddie, calm-“ Buck started, but Eddie was pacing the room now, forcing shoe indents into the floor. Flowers flaying in his white-knuckled hand.

“I didn’t want to think you’d do something, but you’re different. And I didn't think you’d. I hoped maybe it was something good, but Buck. God, you’ve been different since you went out- Since you went out with Conor, and I didn’t think you’d cheat but-“

“Cheat?” Buck yelled.

His plan was falling apart. His desperate cling to Eddie had become his downfall. Like when you push too hard when writing and the pen rips the paper… that’s what Buck had done to the relationship. Buck had ruined the best thing he knew.

“Eddie, I didn’t. I would never,” He pleaded desperately.

His eyes were glossed over, looking like a tsunami instead of the normal ocean. His breathing was laboured; the only thing to fix it was Eddie.

“I- Buck,”

Eddie took a large breath, shaking his head. A tear trailed its way down his cheek. It wasn’t often Eddie was in too much pain to speak… but it always pained Buck to see. And now? Now he was the cause. Watching the man shake his head and scrunch his face in his practised withholding manner because of him.

“Eddie, I would never- I swear. You can check my phone, ask him, ask for cctv-“

“I believe you. I just-“ Eddie said quietly, Buck nodded his head, forcing a tear to leave his eye, “I needed you to say it,”

“I’ll say it as many times as you need-“

The two stood in silence. Petals scattered across the floor where they’d fallen whilst Eddie paced. The candles are still flickering on the abandoned table.

“What's wrong then?” Eddie said eventually.

He had migrated from the doorway to the kitchen sink. The flowers lay on the side beside him. The candles still flickering, the shadow swaying on the wall by the window. The pile of dishes untouched in front of Eddie.

“What?”

“You’re being different. The dinners, the paying for dates, the saying you don’t matter-“ Eddie paused and turned, looking Buck straight in the eyes, “Are you. Are you sick?” Eddie's voice cracked. The thought physically breaks him.

“No, No. Eddie, I'm okay. We are okay. Everything is okay. I promise,” Buck said quickly. Stepping forward from the table. His hands floated up, wanting to touch Eddie but he stopped himself.

“What… What happened then? Please.” Eddie asked, his voice still quiet and riddled with emotion.

“Kam and Conor are getting divorced. She just- She fell out of love with him,” Buck took a breath and found Eddie's eyes. Both staring into each other, “I didn’t want that to happen to us. I wanted to be more. I can’t lose you.”

Eddie's eyes softened at Buck's words. His shoulders dropped down as he reached a hand forward, gently cradling Buck.

“Cariño.” He started, “You are never gonna lose me. Even if you make me insane, you have me, okay.” Buck nodded his hea,d turning to the floor. Eddie's free hand found Buck's face, guiding it to look at him, “Say it. You have me,”

“I have you,”

Buck nodded again but Eddie's eyebrow rose. Buck bit his lip.

“Evan. It would be impossible for me to leave or to not love you. Okay,” Buck nodded slightly, Eddie continued, “I love you, okay. Not just because, well- look at you.”

Eddie started looking his boyfriend up and down like he was a starving man. His lip bitten inward with a smirk. Buck was watching him, hanging on every word because to him… it was his lifeline.

“I love you because you are you, Buck.” Eddie's hand found Bucks' chest, gently resting above the heart. Eddie restarted in multiple ways.

“You are kind-” he pressed his lips onto Buck's cheek, “Smart,” he placed a kiss on the other cheek, “loving,” he leaned up to press a kiss gently on Buck's forehead, “you are the greatest person I know and I could never stop loving you,”

“Okay,” Buck whispered softly, a chuckle hidden by his words, “I love you,”

“I love you too,”

“You'd already said that,” Buck smiled. Just like the synchronised pair they were, as soon as Buck smiled, Eddie did too.

“I love you. I'll say it a million times,”
“I love you too,” Buck said.

Buck's arm wormed around to Eddie's waist. Hand resting on the hipbone. Not pulling him closer -he didn't need to. Eddie wasn't leaving.

Eddie leaned forward, letting his lips fall onto Bucks. Both men had a few tears on their faces; the wetness was felt as their cheeks touched. They kissed slowly, lips colliding together in tandem. Flowing together perfectly, meeting like waves on a shore. Despite the tears, it was perfect. It was their lifeline. It was their sign that, after all, they had each other.

“So,” Buck said, breaking away slightly to rest his forehead on Eddies, “What would you have said if it were a proposal?”

Eddie chuckled and leaned forward to press a soft kiss on Buck's lips. When they parted, his face morphed into a large smile.

“You want the truth?”

“Of course,”

“Okay,” Eddie took a breath, the air floating over Buck’s lips like a no-contact kiss, “I asked Maddie if she'd go for coffee with me next week. I want her help picking out a ring for you.”

Buck leaned forward, his hand crawling to the back of Eddie's neck and pulling him close. His lips gliding along Eddies. The kiss held no urgency. It was just two men. In love. Kissing slowly in the kitchen to the hum of the fridge and the smell of vegetables simmering in the slow cooker.

And with that, Buck realised. He wasn't impossible to love, and Eddie wasn’t a prize he would lose.