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It is a beautiful day in Hell. Nothing of importance needs Alastor's attention so he is free to do as he pleases. Which at the present is gardening, a hobby he didn't pick up until recently. Charlie had suggested it and at first he hawked and hawed at how beneath him it seemed. But once he started the task he found it's a task he'll gladly undertake time and time again.
He's stooped over his garden bed, sweaty and dirt stained and he doesn't mind one bit. He's traded his signature suit in for overalls and a t-shirt that he thinks was Lucifer's at some point in time. The smell of fresh, dampened dirt takes him back to his time on Earth. To those humid Louisianna summers surrounded by nothing but woods for miles and miles.
He smiles to himself at the memory just as Lucifer plops down his bag of homemade fertilizer. Unlike him the king has yet to see the appeal. "I don't know how you can stand the smell," he mutters with a huff as he dutifully opens up the bag for him. His face crinkles in disgust at the whiff of rotting sinner flesh and kitchen scraps but he doesn't turn away. He stays right there, watching him.
Odd.
Lucifer usually retreats to his designated chair. Where he pretends to read but in actuality naps. He stares up at him but Lucifer doesn't give him a thing. Well, as long as he has stopped complaining. He turns his attention back to the task at hand, preparing the garden for said fertilizer.
He rakes his hands across the dirt, picking out any last stubborn weeds and ensureing its smooth and even. He loves the feeling of the dirt shifting between his fingers. When he's doing it, hunched over, sweaty and surrounded by the greenery, he feels like he's back on Earth. Alive and thriving. Killing is the only other thing that comes close to this specific brand of nostalgia and homesickness.
He shuffles along on his knees making his way around the entire bed. Strangely, Lucifer follows him as a poor excuse of a shadow. It makes suspicion rise but he holds his tongue.
It isn't until he reaches the Rhubarb that he sees why. The soil is disturbed, something was very recently burried there. He sends a suspicious glance his way, but Lucifer pretends as if he isn't paying him a lick of attention. Fake whistling as he rocks on his heels. Fine have it his way.
Alastor reaches towards the lump and quickly unburries it as like most things Lucifer had done a shitty job with it. It was hardly buried at all and he can see why. It's an egg, baby blue speckled with gold. And it's not the kitchen variety either, this thing is sizable, about as big as his forearm, heavy too.
He drags it closer to him and very carefully brushes off the excess dirt. At first he thought it was a fluke, that he was imagining things, that Hell's version of a sun had simply wanted its surface. Bu the more he touches it the more it becomes clear that it's alive. It's warm and every so often it minutely trembles. He takes the thing into his arms, sitting back on his heels as holds it out for Lucifer to see.
"Sweetheart, what did you bury in my garden?" He asks, fighting to keep his voice calm.
Lucifer is smiling wide, fangs peeking out over his lips. If he had his tail out he's sure it would be wagging. "Surprise!" He shouts. "Isn't it obvious? It's one of my premium eggs just for you to use as fertilizer," he says gesturing to the garden bed.
At Alastor's blank stare Lucifer continues. "It's perfectly fine I promise, happens every month."
Alastor looks back down at the egg. It is pretty but he can't use it as fertilizer, it's moving and if what Lucifer is saying is true, that it came from him then this is a bigger surprise then either of them realize. He hopes he's wrong but another part of him wants his theory to be true. Charlie would be ecstatic.
He cradles the egg and places an ear against it. It's faint but he can hear it moving much better than he can see it. He brings his head up and tilts it towards Lucifer in doubt, "It's moving."
"What?" Lucifer blanches, his face draining of the little color it contained. He too stares at the egg before glaring at him. "If this is because you don't like my gift then that is a mean thing to do."
But he stares at it just as Alastor is before he snatches it from his arms. He holds it like it's a child, maybe it's about to be,, as he gently taps at its surface. Tap, tap, pause. He waits stareing at the thing before repeating it. Tap, tap, pause. The egg shakes and repeats the pattern back to him.
"Is this the surprise you meant to give me?" Alastor asks with numb lips. Surely Lucifer hadn't known that he…?
"No not at all!" He shouts and then he begins to pace, cradling the egg all the while. He has it held against his face, his cheek smooshed on it. "It might not even live I mean you- you can't just leave these things out like that it needs love and warmth and-" he stops dead in his tracks as tears fall down his cheeks. "I killed our baby," he whispers.
"Technically I helped you do it as it's a two man job," Alastor unhelpfully supplies. His eyes are glued to the egg as it's shaking has rapidly increased. Something Lucifer doesn't miss either.
"You're not helping!" He hisses at him and he looks as if he'll say more but the egg cracks.
They look at each other and Lucifer wisely places the egg onto the ground, back in the Rhubarb sheltered divot he had buried it in. Lucifer's complaints about the fertilizer are forgotten as he plops down in the dirt beside him.
Alastor can't tear his eyes away from the egg, as it shakes and cracks but he wraps an arm around Lucifer's shoulders and pulls him close. The tension in his love's shoulders lessen as he wraps a responding arm around his waist.
They hold each other as they sit and wait.
It takes a while, more shaking, cracking and tapping but eventually the egg bursts and there lies a baby. It's small, wrinkled skin and a pudgy face but it's his. He recognizes it as his instantly, something he's never felt before coursing through him. Alastor knows in that moment that he'd peel off his own skin to protect its wrinkled little face.
There's a snap and a blanket is being shoved into his arms. He doesn't waste a moment in swaddling the child and taking it into his arms. It's the most wonderful thing he's ever seen. Lucifer crowds in close, looking at their child.
Their head is crowned in strawberry blond curls. The child yawns and their jaw stretches unnaturally wide, like a snake with little fangs to match. The fangs hang over their lips, peeking out even when their mouth is closed.
When they open their eyes the two men are greeted by neon green slits that reflect like its nighttime. Goat ears sprout from the side of their head, the same shade as their skin. It goes swimmingly with its fuzzy coated deer legs, red hooves and all. A fuzzy tail sprouts from its backside too, long and thin but instead of the spade that Lucifet's ends in it's tipped with a tuft of blond fur. The same shade as their hair.
Considering the child is the biological amalgamation of the the two of them he's surprised they don't look stranger than they do. There's no discernable privates that either of them could tell when they tried to check but Alastor is counting that as an undeniable plus. Just think of all the money they'll save on diapers!
The child is perfect, precious in all its tiny ways. Alastor can't wait for it to start walking, oh what chaos it'll reap. It blinks up at them looking content despite its less than stellar beginning.
"I'm sorry I missed your first birth little one," he says whith a kiss to its forehead. The baby giggles and tries to grab at his ears, a retaliation that Alastor would wholly deserve.
They only stop trying to go for him when Lucifer enters the picture. Turning its grabbing hands from his ears to Lucifer's shirt. He doesn't want to but, he's hogged the child this whole time so he lets Lucifer take them from his arms without a fight. This time.
Lucifer holds them much better than he did. Like it's second nature, and it probably is, as he gently bounces them in his hold. The baby giggles and claps its tiny hands. "And I'm sorry I had you over the toilet and then left you in the garden," he coos. The words are said in a high pitched voice one usually uses with small children but it's content makes it unintentionally hilarious.
Alastor can't hold back a laugh and really why would he? They just had a baby for fucks sake. A very unplanned one.
Lucifer continues, giggles coloring his own voice, "Yes you! You cute little fertilizer you.”
The baby also thinks it's hilarious giggling and smiling all the while. "Fertilizer is a terrible name."
"That's not-" And Lucifer elbows him in the ribs while still keeping the baby stable. The jealousy that stabs through him hurts more than his bony elbow. "You come up with a name then."
Alastor thinks for a moment. He looks around at the garden, the leaves softly blowing in the wind. His eyes roam over the sack of open unused fertilizer beside them but what snags his attention is the pieces of eggshell left in the dirt. Alastor smiles and turns back towards his child and his lover, "Rhubarb, their name is Rhubarb."
"Rhubarb?" Lucifer repeats, rolling it around on his tongue.
The baby happily gurgles and that seals the deal. Neither one of them can turn down that fangy smile with its rosy cheeks. Two fathers smile back at their child.
"It's perfect," Lucifer concedes.