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Along the floor of the hallway leading to Damian's bedroom, wet footprints had been left. Though Alfred would usually be less than pleased to see such a lack of care. He'd silently cleaned up the mess, choosing not to bring it up. The reason being that Damian wasn't in the best frame of mind at the moment. Wet foot prints, left on the hallway unintentionally, should be the least of his worries.
Perhaps when he has a clearer head, he'll remember how he'd walked in without taking his boots off. Would find Alfred in some part of the manor to apologize. For now though, Alfred had no expectation that Damian had to own up to this. Quietly walking passed the cracked open bedroom door, he listened in to hear for the boy. Though he couldn't hear crying, he didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
Since Damian made his decision to develop his expertise in healing. Whenever he wasn't lending a hand at the hospital, learning on his feet and developing his response skills in person. He would stand by Alfred's side and watch him work. Obviously, Damian had been capable of first aid for some time now. Instead of teaching him the basics, Alfred advised on how to develop upon those base skills.
On top of that, whenever someone would come in from patrol needing to be patched up. Time spent either intently staring at the procedure, handing over anything Alfred asked for and taking notes or doing it himself under Alfred's watchful gaze. Damian had an eye for these things and was a quick learner. Most of what he learnt under Alfred's tutelage was just perfecting his art and making everything as clean, and precise as possible.
In the hospitals and centres, he'd been volunteering at whenever he had the time. Those were for developing firsthand experience and curating a wide variety of them at that. Things he might not even experience in their line of work, Damian wanted to challenge himself and diversify his depth of experience. There was always going to be a first for something and Damian wanted to be prepared.
Though Alfred had been pleased to see the young boy take a step back from the field for a while. Not because he'd been forcibly taken off, but because he himself had a desire to better himself and have a drive to help Gotham by immersing himself in the goings on of her people. However, it became a little hard to stomach when he took notice of just how obsessive Damian was.
Honestly, he shouldn't have been all that shocked. Considering who his father is and the line of work they've all found themselves involved with. Obsession isn't in any way unusual. It's almost expected, especially for humans who are continuously trying to adapt and evolve. Alfred just found it difficult to see that type of raw obsession, driving Damian to be prepared for anything because of how much he fears.
Over their time of knowing each other, they've been at odds, and they've been closer than anything. Alfred has held Damian's hand when he couldn't stop shaking, and Alfred has comforted Damian after a particularly bad nightmare. Both of them have argued and yelled at each other, stared the other down and made judgements in their hearts. They continue thrive to be better people for themselves and each other.
No amount of comfort Alfred is able to offer can override what Damian's experienced. Simply telling him that there aren't monsters under the bed, isn't a comfort for a boy like this. He knows the horrors out there and how close to death they find themselves. A darkness was born in Damian the second he gained consciousness. Overly aware of the fact that pain, injury and harm are constant.
Wanting to be able to help people in need. Saving people from death's door and doing what he can to help people avoid getting worse. Damian tears himself between knowing he can't be everywhere at once and also wanting to do as much as he can. Some days, he has a more sensible understanding of his goals. Organizing his time and trying to have a calmer outlook and attitude.
Then there's days like this, where the obsession eats away at Damian. Unable to just walk back and forth in front of the doorway. After only a moment's hesitation, he raises his hand to knock on the door. His knuckles hit against the solid wood of the door. Pushed forward by even just the shallow force of the knock. Alfred doesn't take a step inside, even though the door is open, until he hears Damian's voice call out from inside the bedroom.
All the windows in the bedroom had been closed over. The sounds of wind rustling through the leaves, trees swaying. Birds calling out and the other noises of nature. They've all found themselves blocked out from the bedroom. It's almost eerily silent in Damian's bedroom. Everything seems to be sitting utterly still. As if someone was holding their breath.
Some fragile piece of porcelain, a sculpture knocked over. People waiting on and watching for it to finally tip over and completely shatter. Alfred walked into the stillness of the bedroom with an anxious feeling in his chest. He can't help but worry for all those they've taken into their care. Seeing one of them hurting makes Alfred's heart ache in response.
"Master Damian."
Walking in as unobtrusively as possible, Alfred spots Damian sitting against the end of his bed. The floor underneath him, wet shoes still on his feet and planted on the floor. With his knees up and arms wrapped around them. The image of Damian right in this moment makes him look smaller than ever before. Only a tiny, young boy whose troubles are unimaginable.
"I know you may want to be alone," Alfred started out, keeping his voice even, "But I thought I'd just offer to lend an ear, if you needed someone to talk to."
Though he'd more or less expected to be asked to leave, Damian's voice was soft and almost inaudible in response, "The floors probably too hard for you to sit on comfortably."
"Very thoughtful of you. How about I take the bed then?"
Damian let out only a hum in response. He'd been facing downward when Alfred had walked in, but he'd turned his face to the side. Looking out at the bedroom door Alfred had just entered through. Alfred had only opened it just enough to let himself in. From his position, he still couldn't quite see the hallway. It felt like the two of them were shut off from everything else in this moment.
"Sometimes it's hard to face the patients."
"How do you mean?"
"It probably sounds stupid, but I thought I could relate to a few people. We've experienced pain and sickness. Growing up I'd broken bones and I've ever had my spine worked on so I could walk again."
Nodding his head as he listened, "Connecting with others through shared experience isn't a bad thing."
"But then I come in to help and see mother's begging at the front desk for the next payment to wait just a few weeks. Crying as she tried to explain that she'd just started a new job after losing her old one, the pay isn't the same, so she needs a little longer to make up for what she'd been missing. There's people who question how necessary a surgery is or an x-ray, knowing it'll just be added to their bill."
"I see." Not rushing to dismiss Damian's concerns, he added, "You've been doing well to pay attention to those who live in Gotham. These are the people we work hard to protect."
They continued to talk about it. Since going into these places first hand, Damian had been allocating money to provide aid and assistance. Lessening the burden of the regular people of Gotham. Still though, to continue seeing people faced with these issues, it's hard to stomach. Damian continued to put money everywhere he could but that doesn't mean it reaches everyone.
Not only within Gotham but his worries reach out. Spilling over to the other cities, countries and places all across the globe. Being forced to confront the real and honest truth, that so many people are suffering. It's hard for such a young child to stomach. When he'd been paralyzed, Damian's mother had been able to provide care for him both immediately and by the best.
While Damian is nothing short of grateful and thankful. How could he possibly continue to compare his experiences to other peoples. As Damian grows and with the more he's able to contribute to, as well as all the thing's he'll undoubtedly experience. Being able to understand and process these concerns might get easier. For now, it fails to put Damian's heart at ease.
The thought of his own inability. Nothing particularly bad happened or at least not near where Damian was. By all accounts, it was a good learning experience. It's just that the sounds of these patients and their families, they linger. Leaning over from where he'd sat himself at the end of the bed, Alfred brushes Damian's hair out of his face and looks down at him.
"Don't let yourself get desensitized to it all. We face these things because we must acknowledge the reality of it. The change we fight for and the change we bring about, it's all because of how we feel. Keep an open heart and an open mind for these people in need. Don't let it overcome you though, if you burn yourself out like this, who'll help those in need?"
"It's just hard to stop thinking about it." Damian confessed, picking at the damaged skin at his nails.
"How about you schedule yourself in to speak with Leslie? She can't magically fix things, but her advice could provide a good starting point for how you might be able to better manage your thoughts about all of this."
Although Damian looked a little reluctant, he relented and easily agreed, "I'll get her number from father."
"Now, I think you deserve a short nap. When you wake up, I've just got a vegan meal on in the kitchen that I'm hoping to perfect. You can come down later and be my taste tester, okay?"
"Mm, okay." Voice already thick and mumbled, Damian kicks his shoes off with some effort and climbs on top of his bed.
Though it's probably one of the most stand out instances. During the beginning of Damian's attendance at these medical facilities. It's not the last time Damian had a bad day that someone made better by talking to him, allowing his thoughts to be brought to the open. Having his fears, concerns and issues made real and treated as something serious. Damian felt shockingly grateful.
Wet shoes and footprints left in the hallway weren't the give-away the other time around. Steph had noticed that all the messages in the big group chat weren't being read by Damian. Though others might pass it off as Damian being disinterested or it not being a big deal overall. Unlike them, Steph noticed it and took it as perhaps an indicator of something greater.
Reasoning in her own mind, that even though Damian isn't always someone who responds. He likes to be caught up and aware. Completely ignoring messages since the early morning before, it just didn't seem to add up. Worried about Damian, she found herself rocking up to Wayne Manor. Bruce was surprised to see her as he passed through the space just in front of the house's front door.
He'd been in Metropolis for the past week dealing with some things as Bruce Wayne. For the most part, his phone had been off. Alfred had been with him and had kept him updated on anything the kids had sent through. Even though Damian hadn't read the messages or responded, Cass had mentioned seeing him so everyone's presences were counted and reported on.
Just coming back himself, Alfred just a little further in to start opening things up. Steph asked if Bruce had seen Damian yet or if he'd come down to see Bruce as he'd come home. Bruce shook his head and asked if everything was okay, staring off towards the stairs leading to the second story. Not sure herself, Steph just said she wanted to check in, so she'll head up and see for herself.
Telling her to call down if they need anything. Bruce finishes taking things off before going deeper into Wayne Manor himself. Climbing the stairs two at a time, she makes her way up the stairs and onto the second floor. He wasn't found in his bedroom or the rooms around there. It takes a little searching, but Damian's in one of the simple rooms.
It gets the best lighting as has a lovely view of the garden. Thankful for her knowledge of the space, so she didn't have to venture through all of the rooms in order to find him, Steph stopped at the entrance of the room. The door wasn't closed over at all. Damian hadn't exactly hidden himself away, he could be found. Though he likely hadn't expected anyone to be home while he sat here.
Away from everything, Damian had Alfred the cat on his lap as he stared out the window. Sat on the windowsill and bunched up into one corner. Damian had the light of the sun streaming in through the window, landing on his face and brightening his eyes. In this position, Steph could see the shine of tear marks on his cheeks. Stains that caught the light from the sun.
Lashes dark and heavy with tears. Utterly distracted by his own thoughts, he seemingly hadn't even noticed Steph's approach. Not wanting to startle him or embarrass Damian, Steph still knocked on the door frame of the room. Trying to alert Damian instead of just suddenly appearing by his side. Damian didn't jolt in surprise, his reactions seemed to be delayed and slowed down considerably.
Facing Steph after slowly turning his head, Damian didn't even try to hide the fact that he was crying. Though Alfred the cat as typically well behaved, he was being an especially good boy at the moment. Calmly and carefully sitting in Damian's lap. Not meowing for food or making any real noise outside of a comforting purr. Damian stroked the fur on his back on instinct.
"Has he been watching the birds?"
Blinking his eyes slowly, Damian nods his head stiffly, "One was flying near the window. But he didn't jump up to attack it like usual."
"Everyone has their off days."
Voice light and not trying to make the atmosphere heavy. Steph tried to feel out how Damian was feeling. Clearly the tears probably weren't a good sign. However, she didn't know if he was still in the headspace he was in when he'd started to cry or if he was feeling better. Walking deeper into the room, Steph came to stand a little way away from where Damian was sitting.
Still dressed in pyjamas, he looked so incredibly small. Long sleeved pajama shirt that managed to stretch passed his fingertips. Pushed up so that Damian could pat Alfred the cat with his hands exposed. His dark eyes looked incredibly big, an innocence to them that made Steph frown. He looked like he needed to be off playing with other children, not battling whatever it was causing him grief.
"Just saw that you hadn't been reading the texts everyone was sending. Thought I'd swing by and check in on you." Step explained without an accusation in her tone.
"Oh," Damian seemed to have not even thought about this, "I haven't been on my phone in a bit. Sorry, I'll get to everything."
"It's okay, I can sit here and read you the highlights."
Taking a seat on the other side of the windowsill opposite Damian. With a calm voice, Steph scrolled through the different messages starting from the first ones Damian hadn't seen. Though he didn't seem enthusiastic or energetic by any means, Damian calmly sat there and listened. Nodding his head and taking in anything important. He even seemed to crack a small, short-lived smile at one of the messages.
Outside the window, a bird flew by again. It seemed like Alfred the cat was holding himself back from pouncing, following behind that bird. Settling into Damian's lap further, getting comfortable. Making himself content with sitting here. Comforting Damian with his presence and not wanting to ruin that. Steph thought she'd just have to bite the bullet and ask.
"Any reason you've not been on your phone?"
Scratching across the skin of his knee with his nails. Damian seemed to want to delay having to answer her question. Though he didn't give himself long to sit there in silence. Steph had come out all this way, and he didn't want to send her away. Though his mood wasn't the best, he still didn't want to act terribly. Trying to keep himself calm as he spoke to her.
"Don't want to bring your mood down. It's just something that happened at the hospital. I'll get over it."
Nodding her head in understanding, "Well, it might help you if you share it. So, I'm willing to listen."
"I don't want to force you."
"Hey, come on. I'm the one who came out all this way. You can't drive me away unless it's what you really want."
Instead of sitting in his lap, Alfred the cat was pulled up by Damian to rest against his chest. Pulling the cat into a hug as he rubbed his cheek against the cats' face. His tears hadn't fallen since Steph came in, but his eyes still looked glassy. There was a somber atmosphere in the room that Steph was aware off. She didn't want to add to it, but she also didn't want to try distracting from it either.
"There was this young girl who came in. Apparently, she didn't start showing symptoms of pregnancy until too far along. She was only young, still a teenager. When she came in, she was nervous but still hopeful. She'd decided that this was how things came about, and she'd accept that. Though she hadn't planned for this, the baby would be hers. Neither her nor the baby made it through the birth."
His voice sounded a little distant as he spoke. The land outside the window stretched out as far as the eye could see. Trees and bushes could be seen decorating the grounds, and animals popped up and moved around. Steph took in the sights offered to her from this view. The sun was comfortably warm against her skin. It illuminated the space by the window very well.
She hadn't expected a story like this. Though she could've guessed that perhaps it had to do with a death, something like this felt wholly unexpected and a little too personal. For something like this to have sat on Damian's mind for so long, it must've really impacted him. Steph gave it some thought, responding to Damian to let him know she was listening as he explained himself.
Damian was able to remember her name and the name she'd wanted to give the baby. The fact that only her aunt had been there, though he wasn't sure what the situation was with the young girls' parents. They'd notified the father that she was pregnant when they'd found out, but he wasn't present either. In that room, Damian had watched, and Damian had mourned.
Comforting the aunt whose tears had seemed unending. Damian hadn't been involved in any of the actual procedures and had held her hand when she'd been asked to step away from her niece for them to work. Things had somehow moved too slowly and far too quickly. At the end of it all, Damian had been standing in the empty room all by himself for some unknown amount of time.
With nobody else at the manor, Damian had taken himself home afterwards. Gone through the motions without really reacting. He knew he felt pain, agony beating away in his chest. There was a crushing sadness and an overwhelming anger taking over him. Yet, nothing happened. He'd gone to sleep earlier and not done much else. Only when he'd gotten up and come over to sit by the window, had he finally been able to cry.
"You know, we don't really talk about it. The others probably don't bring it up for my sake. But I had a teen pregnancy once."
The expression on Damian's face softened, "I hadn't heard."
"We, I mean me and the baby, both of us survived. But with everything as it was, I decided it was best for the baby to be given up for adoption."
"Must've been a difficult decision."
"It was and it continues to be. Not like I never think about my child, it's a decision I still have to deal with even to this day. I know firsthand how scary a teen pregnancy can be, how daunting it is to be in the hospital giving birth at such a young age."
Earlier, Damian had described all he'd done to try make the young girl comfortable. There'd been nobody but adults aside from them in the room. Though Damian isn't the most social or childish person, despite his age. He'd done his best to be someone she could talk to. He'd gone off and gotten her anything she asked for. Spent time at her side throughout it all.
"How she must've appreciated having you there with her."
"I couldn't do much." Damian lamented, squishy Alfred the cat in his embrace.
Shaking her head, Steph said, "But you did what you could. She had to have been scared, but I'm sure you also offered her comfort. With you and the staff there, as well as her aunty, she probably felt safe. It's not fair, that she died. For the baby to die without ever getting to really live, it's too cruel. We keep these people in our hearts because they impact us, but they shouldn't haunt us."
"Feels like I could've done more. How could I not have done something more to save her life?"
"There will be a time in the future where you'll be able to save a life. Stopping now isn't the right option. You're not going through this alone. Any one of us can be a shoulder to lean on, whenever you feel exhausted and pulled down by it all." Steph knocked her foot against Damian's. "Think about her as a person. Someone who lived a life, not just experienced death. Let her inspire you if anything."
"I think she would've liked you." Damian said softly, a single tear slipping from his eye.
Steph couldn't help but feel choked up, even as she tried to comfort Damian, she could feel herself getting affected, "Maybe next time I can come with you, speak to some of the young mothers to be. Make sure they all have someone in their corner to go through these experiences with."
"That would be nice." He sounded exhausted as he spoke, nodding his head in agreement.
"Let's have you check in with your dad in a bit. Think I scared him earlier with how I came in. For now, we'll just sit here though. Give me over Alfred, I want a turn squeezing him too."