Chapter Text
“All right, freaks,” Susie said to seemingly no one as her room was empty, meaning she was likely talking to Spamton and Jevil. “I don’t know how much you two are aware of when your scrunched up into equipment or whatever but I’m sleeping here tonight. You two sticking around would be weird and I’m not in the mood so you’re gonna pop out and find somewhere else to sleep. Got it?”
Jevil popped out first with a giggle. “You’re freeing us to roam Castle Town all on our lonesome?”
“No. I’m telling you to leave for the night. You were always free to fuck off whenever you wanted to. You chose to join us, remember? I just don’t wanna go to bed with you two weirdos in the room. Come back in the morning if you want or don’t if you’re tired of being an item or whatever. Kris might be unhappy but they’ll get over it. Besides I got the Magic Ax now so it’s not like you’re the most powerful thing we have anymore.”
“Okay, okay. Fair enough. Fair enough. I’ll be seeing ya then.”
Susie turned and opened the door for him. Before she could call him out specifically, Spamton popped out too, unfolding himself in front of her. It’d be easier to stay folded up as the DealMaker but he couldn’t blame her for not wanting them in the room in general or for wanting to be alone after seeing that part of prophecy.
“Yes, fair enough. [Have a good night’s sleep]” Spamton said as he stepped out after Jevil.
She started to close the door but paused halfway to almost whisper “Thanks,” before closing it the rest of the way.
Turning away, Spamton was not surprised to find Jevil leaning into his personal space. He was grinning wide, putting his razor sharp teeth on display almost as if he knew Spamton sometimes wondered what they would feel like on his body. Probably he was trying to be scary despite his lack of stature making the impossible. “Whatcha planning on doing with our newfound freedom, huh?”
“This isn’t [freedom].” They were just as bound as they ever were. Both their attempts to escape had ultimately failed. The fact that Jevil hadn’t meant that kind of freedom didn’t matter because he’d had to have used that word on purpose.
Jevil giggled as he put an arm around Spamton’s shoulders, allowing him to lean in a bit closer. “Fair enough, fair enough. You could go see your ex, the Lord of Screens, ask him how he’s doing after getting cleaved. Who’d have thought he’d survive that? Of course he might spray you with foam again, again.”
Spamton’s first instinct was to tell him to fuck off but well, he could go upstairs and try to talk to Tenna again. If he was ever going to try again on that, this would be the time to do it. Had Tenna genuinely not recognized him or had that been his way of saying he wanted nothing to do with Spamton ever again? He hated him so much he now saw him as a creature. His keeping the pipis had nothing to do with Spamton whatsoever.
In the gap left by Spamton’s hesitation, Jevil continued. “I could go see my ex too, actually. I’d invite you to come with and meet them but I fear that’d make the conversation a bit awkward. Later perhaps?” Was he implying what he seemed to be implying or was he just being weird? “I’d like to meet the Lord of Screens properly too. For tonight though,” he spring back, “maybe we’ll both get lucky, lucky. Or perhaps one or both will only get sadder yet sadder and be lonely, lonely forever. Who knows unless we try, right? Good luck! But if you fail, find me at Seam’s shop or outside the cafe if I fail too. Bye-bye!” With a wave, he turned and skipped off down the hall.
Spamton watched him until he vanished around the corner. Unfortunately, he had a point; things might go well if Spamton went to talk to Tenna but equally likely was things going poorly, there’d be no knowing which it would be if Spamton didn’t try. Did that make it worth trying though? … Maybe.
Did he have anywhere else he could go? Waiting around for a bit before seeking out Jevil was an option. How long to wait though? And Jevil would probably ask after Tenna and know he was lying if he said he’d failed. Admitting to not even trying would feel cowardly. Also even if he did do that or found somewhere else to spend the night, would he even be able to sleep? Or would he toss and turn all night thinking about what would happen if he chose to talk to Tenna instead?
So really, he should just go do it. If nothing else it would give him something to pass the time with before accepting Jevil’s offer to seek him out. And hopefully he could at least figure out if he’d truly not been recognized or if that had been Tenna’s genuine reaction to seeing him again. How things might go after ascertaining that was a mystery but at worst he’d just get foamed again, right?
With a sigh, he turned and headed down the hall, the opposite direction Jevil had gone, towards the stairs. Purposefully designed to be traversable for Darkners even more vertically challenged than himself – with a button on the side that would turn it into a ramp and everything – he wasn’t even winded by the time he reached the top.
There was loud music coming form Queen’s room. She’d always been a night owl. Tenna, next door, probably hated it. He, like Spamton, often had trouble falling asleep. Which at least meant he was probably awake in there. And that might mean he was in a bad mood so who knows how that would effect the outcome of their upcoming conversation. Assuming one happened at all.
Taking a deep breath, Spamton approached Tenna’s door. Not letting himself hesitate because he wasn’t a coward, he knocked. He did it to the beat of ‘Shave and a Haircut’. Tenna had always liked to knock like that, Spamton had picked it up from him. One of a handful of habits he’d never been able to shake, not that he’d actually tried to. Did Tenna have anything he’d picked up from Spamton that he couldn’t shake either or had he moved on completely?
Silence held on the other side of the door, long enough that Spamton was raising his hand to try again when finally, “Who is it?”
This was perfect, Spamton could claim himself as himself before he was seen this time. “Your favorite number 1 rated Salesman of 1997, Spamton G. Spamton!”
The silence held for a beat or two before the door knob was frantically jiggling as Tenna tried and failed open it without unlocking it first. A handful of seconds passed like that before he finally figured it out and pulled the door open. He froze solid almost as soon as he did so, the tilt of his screen indicating he was looking directly at Spamton.
It was uncomfortably similar to before. Tenna had froze for a moment at the sight of Spamton before freaking out, freezing again halfway through, resuming the over the top reaction, before finally spraying Spamton down with foam and running away. If he tried that shit again, Spamton was going to jump at him and bite him like the trash rat Tenna apparently thought he was, any resulting consequences, be damned.
Tenna didn’t do that though. Instead he just stood there, still as a statue, staring down at Spamton, expressionless. The moment dragged on past the point of being uncomfortable. Spamton should say something but what? He wanted Tenna’s reaction to him first. Was he just not getting one? Tenna was obviously feeling some type of way otherwise he’d say something. Instead he just stared.
“I’m really that [gorgeous] and [handsome singles in your area], huh? [Can’t get enough of these great deals]?”
Finally Tenna moved, grimacing as he he averted his gaze. “Is that really you, Spamton?”
It would’ve been nice to point out that he looked worse too but it would’ve been a lie so petty it would’ve just made Spamton look worse instead. Even in something as simple as plain pajamas Tenna looked good. So instead Spamton just crossed his arms over his chest and resisted the urge to take a step back as he looked up at Tenna with his best glare. “Yeah.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve had my [fair share of the company] of [existential dilemmas] but I’m pretty sure, I’m [unfortunately] [still me].”
Tenna was silent. Was he contemplating closing the door? If he did what would Spamton do? Get revenge or… just walk away? Probably the latter because the former wouldn’t be worth the effort. Though that was easy to think now, before facing the indignity of having the door slammed in his face. So maybe he should just cut to the chase and decide to leave first? Let Tenna face the hurt of rejection instead which would be it’s own form of revenge.
Spamton took a deep breath and…
“I guess that really was you then?” finally Tenna spoke, freezing Spamton in place before he could commit to turning away.
“You mean when you sprayed me down with [as seen on TV party foam] and called me [creature]? Yeah, that was me.”
“No, I meant,” Tenna looked away, “after that, when I was… I thought it was a dream as I lay dying or that because my vision was blurred, I must’ve been mistaken.” Ah, he meant when Spamton had helped fix him. Apparently he’d been at least somewhat aware after all. “The foam though, I… I didn’t recognize you, not really anyway. I didn’t think it was you. I just thought that it kind of looked like you but if someone had made a poor replica out of stuff they found at the bottom of a garbage can only to throw it back into that garbage can before it was even finished, only for someone else to come along and pull it out to taunt me with.”
“[Dumpster], I was found in a dumpster, not a garbage can. It’s [bigger and better than ever before]. Not better, just [larger than life].” If anything it was actually worse.
Tenna turned his head so far away that he wasn’t even looking into the hall anymore. “Fucking damn it.” Ooh, neat, a rare swear, that meant he was taking this seriously. “I didn’t know it was you. I… thought it just looked kind like you and couldn’t entertain the idea that it might actually be you because there was a lot going on at the time and… I just couldn’t.” He was shrinking. “Sorry. What… do you want? Why’d you… why’d you… come here after I did that?”
“To talk.”
“We’re talking.”
“In private.” Spamton looked up and down the hall. There was no one around and the only sound was Queen’s music still going in the adjacent room but that didn’t mean no one would come by. Queen was obviously awake and might chose to come out for something at any moment or someone else might come up because they needed Ralsei for something. In short this wasn’t a good place to have an important conversation.
“Of course um… come in.” Tenna stepped back into the room, giving Spamton space to enter. He then closed the door, didn’t lock it again though. Whether that meant anything was unclear.
Having been in here earlier when equipped by Susie as the DealMaker, Spamton already knew what the room looked like. He made a show of looking around a little anyway as he made his way further in. In truth though, his attention was on Tenna.
He was half the size he’d been when he’d first answered the door which meant he was a bit less than normal person tall. Which in turn meant he felt bad. Not that his size was an exact measure of his mood, he could choose to shrink or grow too and thus could easily use it to fake or exaggerate an emotion to manipulate others’ perception of him. How often he employed that tactic, Spamton had been away too long to have even a guess at, but he’d almost certainly done it with the kids to get them to play his game. Granted he’d had good reasons for that but it could also just be a habit he’d picked up doing more often in the years they’d been apart. So Spamton wasn’t going to blindly trust it.
Once he was done pretending to look around, he turned to fully face Tenna again and… didn’t say anything. What was he supposed to say? He could apologize for leaving without an explanation. Tenna was at least owed that much. But… part of him didn’t want to apologize, not yet anyway. His dealings with [redacted] had fallen apart because of Tenna.
Tenna had repeatedly asked about the phone calls. He never pushed particularly hard but he never fully dropped it either, it always came up again at some point. And then when Tenna had finally won him over, he’d gotten the call, the last one, the one letting him know that he’d been cut off. And it was all because Tenna kept asking and ensuring him that it would be fine to tell him, maybe not everything but just a little bit, that couldn’t hurt, could it? And it would be a secret, no one needed to know Spamton had told anyone else anything. They were business partners, then romantic partners, so surely it would be fine to include him too, right?
If he’d just dropped it like he’d been told to multiple times, everything that followed from Spamton being cut off wouldn’t have happened. Spamton was owed an apology for that. So really, they both needed to say ‘sorry’. As the one who’d chosen to initiate this conversation, Spamton should perhaps give his first but… hadn’t he suffered enough to be owed the first apology? Also he’d made the effort to reach out and come here so now it was Tenna’s turn to try too. If he even wanted to because he might not. He’d halfway recognized Spamton and had chosen to spray him with foam and run away because he ‘just couldn’t’ right then. So there was a very real chance that this entire venture was a waste of time and Spamton should just…
“When was the last time you took a bath?” Tenna’s words cut through the silence, so incongruous with Spamton’s thoughts they didn’t even make sense.
“Huh?”
“When was the last time you took a bath or shower? You used to be um… particular about your grooming habits. And then there was the cologne you always liked to wear that I thought was too strong at first but then I accidentally starting liking enough that I borrowed it sometimes. And um… now you’re… you admitted to being found in a dumpster. I can’t pretend I didn’t already tell you that you look the part too so… you know, thought I’d ask.”
Spamton looked down at himself; his scuffed and dirty hands and tattered shirt that sat on his body more like a long sleeved dress. This form was made of wood and thus didn’t sweat or anything but that didn’t mean he was automatically clean. He’d been living in a dumpster for fuck’s sake. The several times he’d been cleaned as the DealMaker didn’t extend to his current form. So when was the last time he’d properly cleansed himself? Probably before being evicted from Queen’s Mansion, right?
He looked back up at Tenna. “I could use a [full service car wash].”
Tenna nodded. “I don’t have a shower in my room. I do have a sink but that’s probably not…”
“Sink is [okey-dokey-artichokee].” The thought of heading out and knocking on anyone else’s door to ask to use their shower was about as tempting as the the thought of trying to bathe in Queen’s acid pool instead. He hadn’t noticed or cared before, he was used to it after all, but now that it had been pointed out, his whole body itched with the knowledge of how filthy he was. How had he ever let himself fall to such a shameful low? “As long as there’s [just add water] and soap, it’s [deals on fine china].”
“Okay, sink it is then. First though can I ask um… what happened? Why do you uh…” He gestured vaguely at Spamton, clearly thinking something along the lines of ‘look like that’ or ‘talk like that’ or who knows what else? The fact that he didn’t say it out loud didn’t make it much better. “What happened?”
Spamton’s mind fuzzed at just the thought of trying to give an explanation. That wasn’t something that was ever likely to happen, trying would only hurt and so he wasn’t going to. “Long story,” he forced out instead, keeping his voice as free of the static in his mind as he could.
“All right, later then. Let’s go set up that sink bath, I guess.” With that, he turned and led the way over to the kitchen part of his room.
Tenna was among the a handful of Darkners who didn’t eat, he plugged into the wall instead, but Ralsei had presumably figured he’d have guests who did, thus the kitchen. Or perhaps it was because he liked cooking and cooking shows. Either way, Spamton was thankful for it. A proper shower or bath would’ve been better of course but he’d take what he could get without having to go begging anyone else for it. Apparently he was fine asking Tenna though, meaning… something. He didn’t need to care what until after he was clean.
Upon reaching the sink, Tenna turned to face Spamton. “You need help reaching it.” Not a question because they both knew the answer; the room and everything in it was sized with Tenna in mind and his default was to be tall. “I could pull something over for you to climb on like a box pushing puzzle or I guess, probably more like a chair pushing puzzle. Those are fun, right?”
Or Spamton could probably climb up. The drawers would serve for foot and hand holds just fine, if a bit unstable if they opened. Why bother with any of that though? “Just [pick me] up.”
Tenna seemed to almost flinch at the suggestion. Which made perfect sense, didn’t it? Why would he want to touch Spamton? He was ugly and filthy. The only reason anyone had even been putting up with his presence was because he’d spent most of his time folded up as the DealMaker. Jevil had put an arm around him earlier and hung out with him in the Dark World Susie’s pocket became when she was in the Light World but Jevil was a freak too and probably also need a bath so he didn’t count. Spamton asking Tenna to pick him up was probably the dumbest thing he could’ve done. Because now Tenna had to tell him again how disgusting he was.
Spamton turned, intending to just climb up to the counter. Before he could start…
“Okay, I wasn’t sure you’d be all right with that but that works too.” Tenna crouched down, grabbed him about the middle and lifted him. He was gentle about it too. Spamton was used to being picked up and yanked around – he was the perfect size to tempt most people who had a problem with him to try it – which was why he’d suggested it but something about the way Tenna held him made him freeze up.
When was the last time he’d been picked up without the intent being to throw him out, hurt him, or both? Probably it would’ve been when him and Tenna had still been good, right? Unless the DealMaker counted which… it didn’t. This was different.
Tenna placed him gently on the counter next to the sink and suddenly his hands were gone. “You okay?” Was he really concerned or just asking that to make conversation?
Spamton took a deep breath as he mentally shook himself off. To delay a little bit longer, he pulled his shirt off over his head. “I’m fine. Thanks.”
“You’re wel-” Tenna cut off with a squawk as Spamton slapped with the shirt as hard as his small form would let him, hitting a solid bullseye on the screen, hooking around his nose in the process. Tenna back peddled a couple steps.
“Revenge for the [as seen on TV party foam].” Really it had just been a whim because the opportunity had presented itself. It could serve as revenge too though.
But now the question was; was Tenna going to be mad? Was he going to be over the top and decided to get revenge back? Spamton probably shouldn’t test him especially since it might just start a back and forth revenge war, but it was too late now. Besides it would reveal if he did actually still give a damn or was just pretending to out of pity, right?
The tension seemed to hold for a long time but in truth it was probably only a few seconds at most before Tenna sighed as he pulled the shirt off his face. “I guess I deserved that.” Ah, the slice of humble pie the $!$? Squad had served him seemed to still be in effect. He didn’t want them to change their minds about not throwing him out so he was making sure to be nice. Or maybe he really did care. Spamton hadn’t learned anything. It had felt good though, slapping him with the shirt and sharing some of his filth.
“I’m not sure we can save this,” Tenna continued with a frown as he examined the shirt. “We’ll have to find something else for you to wear.”
Spamton hadn’t thought that far ahead yet but that was probably true. It was the only piece of major clothing he currently had that was more intact than not and it had been nice once upon a time so it was a bit sad to see it go but having something new and more importantly clean to wear would be much better. “We’ll [settle our debts] on that [come back later for more deals].” Maybe he could even get pants and shoes that would fit him again, that’d be nice.
Putting those thoughts away for now, he pulled his boxers off and dropped them on the counter before turning his attention onto the sink. It was clean and big enough that he could probably sit in it if he curled up. He didn’t yet though as he instead sat on the edge and reached over to turn the hot water knob. Naturally, it came out cold first, making him flinch out from under it.
“Want me to go see if I can’t get you anything other than dish soap?” Tenna asked. “I’m sure Ralsei wouldn’t mind giving me something and I don’t think he’d ask why I needed it either if you wanna keep a low profile.”
He was right, Ralsei probably would be happy to provide and wouldn’t ask questions but he should be asleep by now and after the day he’d had, he needed the rest. So Spamton waved off the suggestion. “No need. Maybe [come back tomorrow].”
“It is pretty late, huh? Tomorrow would be better. For now I’ll just… leave you to it, I guess.” He didn’t turn away though, just stood there, lingering. Whatever, let him watch if he really wanted to, Spamton didn’t care.