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Chan let out a loud huff. He was feeling grumpy, tired and overstimulated. The culprit of this particular cocktail of feelings was the draining week that Chan had been slogging through. Every night, Chan fell into bed exhausted, and every morning, he woke up feeling like he hadn't slept at all. He may have closed his eyes and “slept”, but he was so overstimulated from his days that he felt stuck in a phase of perpetual restlessness. Chan desperately wishes for the week to be over so he could properly recharge. It is during weeks like this that Chan seriously debates his choice to be an idol. He feels like shit, and yet he still has to go to work and attend their schedules, and as per the industry, keep an upbeat appearance through all of it. Chan had been doing more things to help accommodate himself and was trying hard to stay afloat. He thought he was doing everything he could to make his week more manageable, within the confines of society. His noise-cancelling headphones had become a staple of every outfit he wore, and he was trying to take moments to regulate himself. It wasn’t enough, though.
Today was Friday, the last day of the unbelievably busy week. Chan woke up feeling even worse than he had been. He had hoped that the prospect of two days off over the weekend would help him get through Friday. It seemed he wasn’t going to be that lucky. The constant restlessness was still there, accompanied by a dull ache behind his eyes, a pounding in his head and a stuffy nose, which squashed any chance of a positive mood. It seems the universe wanted to thwart Chan by testing the final strands of his fraying patience. Chan had a last-minute schedule change, which meant he had to smile and nod at the pompous idiot of a producer all day. He had been recruited recently and kept explaining things to Chan as if he were a child or a complete newbie in the industry. But being a producer and a new one at that meant Chan just had to go along with it, really pushing him to the limit.
Chan didn't want to bring his lousy mood home and infect the rest of his dorm with it, but he could not shake it off. Chan decided to walk home, hoping to walk off some of the badness. That turned out to be an unwise decision as Chan’s nose would not stop running, and his hair kept flapping in his face, frustrating him even more. Chan finally returned to his dorm and walked in through the door, getting his hoodie stuck on the handle, which jolted him backwards, scraping his arm on the handle. Of course, it's just another thing to finish his terrible week. Chan manages to take his shoes off uneventfully and enters his dorm, walking into a living room full of his members. Chan wasn't expecting this; why is everyone here in his dorm? Has something happened? Chan’s mind instantly goes to the worst-case scenario, although based on the laidback pile of kids on his sofa, that probably isn’t the case. Chan does not feel like he can face all the members together today. He is trying so hard to contain his bad mood that he does not have the energy or mental power to think about his facial expressions and tone of voice anymore. He is also worried that something else could happen, big or small, and his bad mood will spill out of him in an uncontrollable whirlwind. He doesn’t need any of the kids to see him like that, definitely not.
Upon hearing the front door open, the members were all looking at the doorway, waiting for their leader to enter the living room. They all hear a slight commotion in the entryway before a disgruntled Chan enters the living room. All the kids watch as he walks in and pauses on the threshold of the room. The look on Chan's face tells the members all they need to know about how his day has gone. The way Chan freezes on the spot also leads the members to believe that he has, in fact, forgotten all about their scheduled movie night.
Jeongin is the first to greet the oldest with a cheerful, "Hello, Channie Hyung".
Chan stares in response before raising his hand rigidly, moving it back and forth in a strange wave hello. Minho responds to Chan by giving him the weird, erratic wave hello back. Seeing Minho do his weirdass wave makes Chan quirk a small smile before ducking his head and continuing to his bedroom.
The members who are now aware and used to Chan's curiosities continue their discussion. They know that Chan will join them if or when he is ready.
"What food should we order then?" Seungmin asks, addressing the room.
"We should order something that we know Chan Hyung will eat", Hyunjin suggests, wanting to make sure that their oldest hyung is comfortable.
"Shall we order from that pizza place that Hyung has been super into recently?" Felix adds.
"Yes, they also do really good chicken and burgers, so I’m up for that”, Jisung says enthusiastically.
Changbin nods along, half-listening to the discussion. His mind is focused elsewhere, namely, the oldest member of their group. Chan looked so run-down when he came into the living room; it really tugged at Changbin’s heart. Changbin stands up, thinking of anything he can do to help Chan. As Changbin exits the living room, he remembers that Chan has formed an attachment to the oldest hoodie he possesses. Changbin has told Chan many times that he should keep the hoodie, but every time Chan washes it, it somehow ends up back in Changbin's closet. Changbin knows that a hoodie won’t solve everything, but hopefully, the gesture will provide some comfort to Chan.
Minho has been thinking similarly to Changbin. Minho watches Changbin stand up and stands up with him. Changbin heads off to his bedroom as Minho announces to the group that he is going to check on their leader and inform him of their plan for the evening.
As Changbin and Minho leave the living room, the discussion moves from food to what movie they should watch.
Changbin finds the hoodie as quickly as possible so as not to keep Minho waiting. Hoodie in hand, Changbin leaves his room just before Minho enters Chan’s. "Will you give this to him, Hyung? Also, please tell him that I said he is more than welcome to keep it. He doesn't seem to believe me every time I have told him because it keeps coming back to my closet", Changbin says, handing the hoodie to Minho.
"I'll tell him, Bin, thanks", Minho replies, chuckling at Chan’s stubbornness.
"No problem, Hyung. Just come out whenever Channie's ready. You know the kids can entertain themselves, and they don’t mind waiting." Changbin says as he makes his way back to the living room.
Minho knocks lightly on Chan's door. He waits for a minute, but doesn’t expect a response. He slowly opens Chan's door and softly announces his entrance.
Minho enters Chan’s room, closing the door behind him. Minho feels saddened by the sight in front of him; Chan is lying face down on his bed in the dark, wearing the same clothes he walked through the door in. Minho forgoes the big light and instead switches on Chan's wolf light above his bed. Minho hears a displeased groan come from somewhere in the middle of the bed.
"I have something here for you, Channie", Minho says, hoping to coax Chan to face him.
Chan swings and bounces his legs up and down off the edge of his bed, still overcome with this bad mood he doesn’t want anyone else to see.
"Why is everyone here?" Chan asks bluntly.
"They are all here for our movie night," Minho replies plainly, unaffected by Chan’s tone.
Hearing this makes Chan roll over in shock that he forgot. He got so caught up in his bad mood that the movie night slipped his mind. Now he feels even worse, his bad mood carrying over into guilt.
"Was everyone waiting for me? I feel awful and forgot because I was so wrapped up in my bad mood." Chan says, worrying his lip between his teeth.
"No, you got here about 5 minutes after Seungmin. They hadn’t even started discussing movie or food options yet. They were too busy chatting about that new game they are all into." Minho says, rolling his eyes. "I was feeling very left out until you arrived back, actually. You don’t need to feel bad. Why don’t we choose some comfy clothes for you to change into?"
Chan nods. Now that Minho has drawn his attention to it, he is instantly overtaken by the need to escape the confines of his jeans and sweatshirt.
Chan stands up and starts rummaging in his wardrobe, so Minho decides to perch himself on the edge of Chan's bed, waiting. Minho can see the struggle this simple task takes on Chan. He wants to do whatever he can to help Chan, but doesn’t want to overstep and make Chan feel worse. Chan manages to pull out his favourite t-shirt, which Minho knows is a few sizes too big with no tags and is made of 100% cotton for ultimate softness. Chan keeps searching, getting increasingly frustrated. Eventually, he reaches a point where he stands up, facing away from his drawers, and takes a few deep breaths.
It is at this point that Minho decides to step in. "What were you trying to find, Channie? Sweatpants?” Minho questions.
Chan nods, running his hands through his hair. He looks up to the ceiling to will away the frustrated tears. Chan sighs, fighting the wobble in his voice but failing. "I want the ones…with the smiley face on, but they aren't there."
“Why don’t you start getting changed, and I’ll have a look for them?” Minho suggests to Chan.
Chan nods, so Minho gets up and starts rummaging in the drawer left half-open. Minho finds the sweatpants that Chan was looking for bunched up at the back of the drawer. It also doesn't help that the majority of Chan's sweatpants are black. Minho holds the sweatpants in the air like a trophy. He turns around, smiling at Chan and handing the sweatpants over.
Chan has already stripped off his day clothes and is waiting in his t-shirt and underwear. “Thanks, Min,” he mumbles as he takes the sweatpants, pulling them on.
To complete the outfit of full-on comfort, Minho hands Changbin's hoodie over to Chan, who pulls it over his head, keeping the hood up. He stretches his arms out, shaking his hands, trying to dispel some of the frustration from his bones.
"By the way, Changbin said you can keep the hoodie. You definitely get more use out of it than he does," Minho informs Chan.
Chan nods. "But I like that it always smells like him after it comes out of his closet; it wouldn’t be the same if it lived in mine instead". Chan says, holding the hood to his nose and inhaling deeply for extra emphasis.
Minho chuckles. Of course, that makes total sense as to why Chan had kept returning the hoodie to Changbin's wardrobe. He'll let Chan tell Changbin himself whenever it comes up in conversation next.
Minho looks over to Chan and can see how extremely exhausted he looks. "You know, if you really aren't feeling up to joining in the movie night, none of the other members would be upset," Minho says.
Chan shakes his head. "I want to, but I'm in a bad mood and not functioning so well. Exhibit the sweatpants and angry, completely unnecessary tears. I don't want to let my bad mood ruin the movie night for anyone," Chan huffs. "Do you think that maybe it would be okay if I wore my headphones? It's just that my head hurts, and I'm not sure if I will be able to cope with the sounds of other people. It might be too much and stress me out or make me angry…" Chan rambles on.
"Of course, you can wear your headphones, Channie. You don't have to justify it at all. If you need to wear them, then you wear them; no one will have a problem. The same way, if you want to bring any fidgets in, or maybe you're chewy, if that will help."
Chan whines and shakes his head, "I don't think I'm ready for the chewy in front of them all yet, Min, but I think I'll bring my quiet magnets". Chan opens his bedside drawer and grabs his noise-cancelling headphones and magnet fidget toy. He pulls his hood down to fit the headphones snugly over his ears.
Chan flaps his hands again, relishing in the heavy feeling it creates in his wrists. He stretches upwards on his tiptoes, awkwardly flexing all his joints, attempting to disperse more of the bad energy clogging up his being.
Minho frowns at the painful look that crosses Chan’s face, as does that final stim. Minho taps Chan’s wrist to get his attention before shaking his hands one at a time and then his feet. Chan copies Minho’s movements and relishes how it feels like he is shaking the badness away.
"Do you think that you're ready, Channie? Remember that if you want to leave and go to bed early, you can at any point. Everyone will understand." Minho tells Chan.
Chan nods and opens his bedroom door, gesturing for Minho to go first.
…
While Minho is with Chan in his room, the members decide to transform the living room to make it as sensory-friendly as possible for Chan. The members know Chan had been under a lot of pressure recently and looked so exhausted when he walked in from work. They really wanted to help him as much as possible and make the dorm a safe space for him to decompress.
Hyunjin goes around the living room, turning on their plethora of fairy lights. Hyunjin decides to forgo the coloured Christmas ones, opting instead for the warm, soft-lighted ones. Hyunjin also reaches around the back of the sofa to turn their light projector on, selecting the red and blue setting, which he knows is Chan's favourite.
Felix, Jeongin and Jisung are on a mission of their own. They are scrounging around the entire dorm, collecting as many fuzzy blankets and pillows as possible. They initially raid Hyunjin and Jisung's bedrooms, knowing they own a dozen soft blankets between them, but are dissatisfied with the small number they find. Jisung suggests they raid the laundry room, unsure whether the blankets have been washed yet. They find the rest of the dorm's blanket collection freshly washed, waiting to be folded in the tumble dryer. Jisung and Felix haul the blankets to the living room as Jeongin runs off to collect the pile of pillows they left in Hyunjin’s room.
Seungmin and Changbin are discussing what movie to put on. The rest of the members left them in charge, claiming they didn't mind what they watched as long as it wasn't heavy. Seungmin is scrolling through various streaming services, pausing on certain movies and waiting for Changbin's input. They eventually decide to leave the Marvel page open and can leave it open to debate which Marvel movie to watch. The deciding factor will probably be Chan and whatever mood he feels for the movie.
Jeongin enters the living room carrying a comically tall stack of pillows. Changbin gets up and helps the maknae with the pillows. They lay the biggest ones out flat on the floor in front of the sofa. Felix lays a blanket over the pillows, creating a makeshift bed. The L-shaped sofa that occupies most of the room is big enough for them all to sit comfortably. However, sofa space quickly diminishes if anyone wants to stretch their legs out or lie down. It is a tradition of movie nights that they cushion out the floor so there is a place for everyone to spread out. Jisung starts distributing the blankets around the living room to everyone. One red fleece blanket remains folded neatly on the coffee table, waiting for its rightful owner to claim it.
The kids look around, proud of themselves for transforming the living room into a soft, cosy, low-lit space. Changbin takes out his phone and opens the food delivery app to start their food order. Changbin adds the burger and soda he wants, then passes his phone to the next person to add what they want. His phone gets passed around as everyone adds what food they want.
Everyone is satisfied that they have made the living room suitable for their leader. Felix makes a note to ask Chan when he comes in, so they know for next time if there is anything else they can do to make the space even more sensory-friendly. Jeongin, Jisung and Felix settle into the cushions on the floor, with Seungmin and Hyunjin on one end of the sofa and Changbin on the other.
…
Chan follows Minho into the living room, ducking slightly behind him. He stands up tall as soon as he sees how the kids have transformed the living room. Chan stares around the room in awe, speechless at the small gestures, like the projector on the blue and red setting, the only one he likes. All the members are watching their entrance. Chan sees everyone's attention on him and Minho, and shyly does his awkward, constipated wave again. A wide smile breaks out on his face as he watches all the members do their own version of his weirdass wave back to him. The members may have already spread out across the sofa and the floor. However, one spot has been left empty. The spot where Chan always sits in the corner of the couch. He is sure that he has made a Chan-shaped indentation from how he plants himself into the sofa each time he sits there. Chan can feel a warm feeling start to fill him up at the consideration and mindfulness of the other members. He can’t put a name to the emotion bubbling up in his chest, but he is overcome with the feeling of it, seeing that the members have not only taken notice of all the small things about Chan but have also replicated them for him. Chan starts to walk over to his space on the sofa when he spots his Deadpool fleece blanket folded up on the coffee table waiting for him.
Chan feels so full of gratitude and love for his members, but is currently struggling to express any of his inner thoughts to them. Chan gets an idea of what he could do instead, holding his finger up in a "wait a minute" signal, as he runs happily back to his room. He returns rather swiftly, but Minho can see the nylon string of Chan's chewy poking out from underneath Chan's hoodie. Minho smiles at seeing this as Chan settles himself down into the corner of the sofa. A space is left beside him, which he pats, signalling for Minho to sit down. Hyunjin passes the phone to Minho, telling him to add what he wants to order for food.
"We decided to order from that pizza place you've been loving recently, hyung; you can add whatever you want, and then we can order it. Is the living room okay? We wanted to make it as sensory-friendly as possible for you", Felix says to Chan.
Chan nods, eyes wide and full of adoration for his members. Everything he wants to say feels stuck in his throat, and all he manages is to utter a quiet "Thank you." Chan hopes that all of the members understand that it isn't just Felix he is thanking.
Minho passes Changbin’s phone to Chan after adding his own order. Chan looks down at Changbin's phone, eyes unseeing as he gathers himself. Chan starts scrolling through the options and adds his go-to order to their basket. Chan was so focused on the phone that he hadn’t even realised that Minho wasn’t next to him until he reappears with a bottle of water and some pills. Minho comfortably settles into his spot next to Chan. Chan stretches his arm to Changbin, returning the phone to its owner.
Minho passes the painkillers and water to Chan. “I got these for your headache”, Minho says.
At the same time, Changbin asks the group, “Has everyone added everything? Shall I place the order?”
Changbin's question is met with nods as Chan swallows back the pills Minho got for him.
Chan shuffles himself further into the sofa, hoping that the familiar comfort of the living room and the company of the members will calm his bad mood. Chan slumps even further into the corner of the sofa, stretching his legs out and tucking his feet under Changbin’s thighs. The compression makes Chan feel like he is melting into the couch. Chan pulls his Deadpool blanket up against his cheek, leaning slightly into Minho next to him.
Felix turns around, smiling fondly at Chan, snuggled into Minho and the sofa. “We left the marvel section open for you, Channie-hyung. Do you have a preference for which movie we put on?”
Felix passes the remote to Chan. Chan scrolls through the Marvel section, thinking intently about which movie he wants to watch. Chan huffs, overwhelmed by the volume of choices.
Minho decides to offer choices to help make the decision easier for Chan. “Do you want old or new Marvel?”
Chan bops his head side to side, thinking about it, before scrolling through to the old Marvel movie section. Chan nods his head as he realises what movie he wants to watch. Chan makes a beeline through all the other choices and finds the movie he is looking for. He expects at least a few groans at his choice, but no one says anything as Chan presses play on Iron Man 3. Actually, as the opening credits start, Chan reckons that only a few of the kids have actually seen this movie. He hums in affirmation of his choice, to no one but himself.
Chan starts bopping his head to the opening credits, as Jisung asks, “Hyung, how long does it say the food is going to take?”
Changbin pulls his phone back out of his pocket and looks at the time, “It says 50 minutes, Sung. It is Friday night, so I thought it might take longer than usual.”
Jisung nods and turns his attention to the TV as the title card signals the official start of the movie. Chan finds himself watching the kids, feeling very loved and seen. The opening scene of the movie startles Chan, as it starts with a loud flash and multiple explosions. Chan touches his ears and realises his headphones aren’t over his ears properly. He readjusts them and wiggles contentedly as he becomes absorbed in the movie.
Minho had felt Chan flinch at the opening of the movie and was surprised, as most of the time Chan craved and needed more sensory input, rather than less. It gives Minho an insight into the type of week Chan has had. Minho is more focused on Chan than on the movie. He watches as the leader brings his fingers to his mouth and starts chewing the skin around his fingers and fingernails. Minho knows how this will end. Chan will continue to chew at his fingers until they are raw, bleeding and very sore for days afterwards. In fact, Minho has seen Chan with plasters covering more fingers than not at some points. Minho decides to bring Chan's attention to his current choice of stim, knowing that he has better options. Minho reaches into the pouch of Chan’s hoodie and places the fidget magnets into his hand.
Chan is absorbed in the movie, but starts to fidget with the magnets after Minho hands them to him. Minho finally starts to watch the movie himself, but finds his attention is quickly drawn back to Chan. Minho watches as Chan slowly loses interest in the magnets, too absorbed in the movie to fully realise. His magnets get discarded in his lap, and his fingers end up back in his mouth.
“Channie,” Minho says softly, to not draw attention from the other members. Minho touches Chan’s hand, which is halfway between his lap and his mouth, hoping to get his point across.
“I can’t help it, Min,” Chan mutters back, face contorting into a look of sadness.
Minho feels for their leader; he knows that he can’t help it, but desperately wants to help him avoid hurting himself, trying to direct the energy into something less self-destructive.
“I know, Channie. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself,” Minho whispers back.
Chan looks at his hands before responding to Minho, “I’ll be fine, Min. It's not that bad.”
Minho tuts at that, “It looks like it hurts already, Channie. Why don’t you try this instead?” Minho suggests, lightly pulling at the nylon string that he knows has a black chewy attached at the end.
Chan’s eyes go wide, “But…Min…the kids… it's embarrassing,” he stutters out.
“It’s not, if it helps you not destroy your fingers, then actually it is something great, and I will fight any of the kids that say anything remotely negative about it. But I don’t think they will. Just try it, they are all busy watching the movie anyway.” Minho responds, hoping to persuade Chan. Clearly, the leader had some leniency, even if it felt embarrassing, he still returned to his room to get the chewy necklace, so Minho has hope.
Minho turns his head back towards the TV, allowing Chan to come to his own decision. He hears the older huff, as he likely debates over what to do. Chan thinks back and forth, feeling embarrassed but also thinking about the feeling that drove him to run back to his room to get the chewy necklace. A few seconds pass, and Minho watches in his periphery as Chan pulls the string to get the chewy. He tentatively places it in his mouth, cheeks on fire. Chan tries to ignore his embarrassment and trust not only in Minho’s words, but also in the kids and how they went through the extra measures to accommodate the living room for him after a bad day. He turns his focus back to the movie and quickly gets absorbed in it again.
Minho quirks a smile as he watches Chan chew away furiously on the black silicon, instead of his poor fingers. Satisfied that Chan isn’t going to do any more damage to himself and is regulating in a safe manner, Minho refocuses on the movie as well.
The movie is about two-thirds of the way through when Changbin's phone starts vibrating. Changbin jumps up to answer the phone, and then swiftly delegates the takeout retrieval to the two maknaes. Everyone stares at the door as they wait for Jeongin and Seungmin to return with their food. Felix seems to break the spell and stands up from the floor, stretching his arms above his head. He turns around and smiles fondly when he spots Chan looking very soft and adorable, with a black chewy in his mouth. Felix huffs a laugh at how on-brand a black chewy necklace is for Chan.
Chan looks up at the sound of someone huffing and sees Felix looking at him, with a smile on his face. Chan instantly drops the chewy from his mouth, attempting to subtly hide it with his hand, and desperately hoping that Felix didn’t see.
Felix, on the other hand, had watched the entire scene unfold and felt his heart squeeze at the wide-eyed look on their leader's face, “You are cute, Channie-hyung, don’t stop. It is so much nicer to see than you chewing your fingers to high hell. I also appreciate you sticking on brand with the all black.” Felix says, hoping to reassure Chan. He turns around and heads to the kitchen to get some plates for them all.
Chan blushes furiously at Felix’s comment and reaches his hand towards his mouth to bite his nails nervously. Before his hand reaches his mouth, Chan stops himself and reaches for the chewy necklace hanging around his neck instead. Minho looks at Chan, and a wide smile spreads across the older's face.
Minho leans in towards Chan, whispering in his ear, “I’m proud of you, Channie.’
This causes Chan to blush even further and let out an involuntary whine in response to Minho’s words.
“Minho! What did you say to poor Chan? He looks like he is going to combust from all that blushing,” Hyunjin teases. The sound of the door opening saves either of them from having to respond, as it draws everyone's attention away from a blushing Chan and his chewy. Minho bumps his knee into Chan’s before standing up to get both of their food.
“Did you just get your pizza, Channie?” Minho asks on his way towards the maknaes. Chan nods before realising Minho’s back is to him.
“Yuh…fanks,” Chan says, forgetting completely about the black chewy in his mouth. He blushes even more, especially when he sees at least three members staring at him with heart eyes, probably seconds away from saying how adorable Chan is.
Chan’s vision is blocked as Minho stands with two pizza boxes in his hands. “Here is your pizza, oh adorable one,” Minho singsongs as he hands the first box to Chan.
“Am not,” Chan responds with no malice in his voice. “Thank you,” he says again, looking at Minho but hoping that the whole room understands his sentiment.
It seems the sentiment got across when both Hyunjin and Seungmin respond with a synchronised ‘No problem, Hyung’.
The kids settle down again in the same places, each of them devouring their food, before splaying out and deciding to watch another movie. Chan hums happily to himself as he finally feels some goodness come from his bad week. He looks at each of the kids and feels fondness and so much love coming from them. From decorating the living room with all the small details they remembered, to their unwavering acceptance of him being the cherry on top. Chan takes a moment to fully appreciate the love he feels from all of his members, his bad week already fading from his mind, as he anticipates the good weekend ahead.
Chewy in his mouth, toes tucked under Changbin’s thigh, the Deadpool blanket smushed against one side of his face, and Minho’s shoulder pressed against the other side leaves Chan feeling a level of contentment he rarely comes by. Having all the kids lying around the living room, as the second movie of the night plays, leaves Chan feeling full to the brim with love, a feeling he will cherish forevermore. Sometimes it isn’t the big things that fill you with the most love; most times it is the little things that mean so much and show how loved and cherished you truly are.