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February 12th . 1984
"Well, I think I need to see my other babes now — where are they?!"
It was only a normal boring day at the academy again, going through the same routines, classes, teachers, and same meaningless conversations that flow without meaning filling the hall.
With Callie around, it's like the hallway had a switch.
"There you are!"
Her loud voice echoes all around as she bounces from one person to another, eventually landing on her usual spot next to Harvey. Hands playing a drumming pattern before suggesting something in a whisper. "Let's get outta here"
"I would love to but right now I think we should focus on your failing grades" Charlotte said snickering.
"Boring! Plus even Merry would agree with me won't you?" Callie faced her with pure excitement written all over her face. "It wouldn't hurt to try I guess — and it's Mary !"
"Mary, Merry. If it rhymes, it's the same thing — sort of"
"What even is your plan?" Luna spoke up and Callie huddles the group, whistling to call on Sonia who was busy handling whatever her mother have threw on her hands.
"Listen… I have no plan — but! before you guys groan, I'm just going for something light. Like a stroll around the park while eating ice cream, nothing wild like before"
"It's you, I wouldn't be surprised if something else happens" Charlotte replied before eventually getting covered up by Luna's exclaim, "In. I'm so in"
"Well as expected, the leader has spoken! Harvey?" Callie looks over to Harvey, receiving a slight nod.
"I don't know…" Sonia mumbles and the group stops her before she recites another school rule, seriously how has she lived life for this far if she confines herself in rules everyone breaks.
"Hey , hey what about me?" Kris said, They all look at her and just nods. "Sweet."
Her smile was evident now unlike before, they invite her most of the time. Not their fault as Kris often declines on going, citing some random shit lie about homework. Mary almost laughs at this, shaking her head before raising a thumbs up
The ending was always the same, They all go.
It was foolish , utterly foolish , but it's Callie and everything about Callie means doing idiotic things.
Seriously, Luna thinks this girl was born with her brains flushed out the moment she's seen the light and yet here she is, following her directions.
Dressed up in a uniform stolen from the preparatory school next to them, an all boys school specifically, it was just a gag and even if she doesn't wanna admit it ; "I look like a real man in this uniform — which tells me, how the hell do you get something like this?"
"Gave them a few cigarettes to lend me some, I'm not going on some hike with a skirt" Callie blows a puff of smoke before handing it to Charlotte. Sonia takes a sideway step away from the smoke and Charlotte laughs at her, it's not new to any of them, they all have tried cigarettes that was smuggled in by Callie well except for Sonia.
"Well … well, what you guys think?"
"How do we get your big tits out of the way?" Callie uttered with no hesitation what so ever, receiving a hit on the head by Harvey.
"Seriously, Callie, You have to stop saying that kind of stuff especially with Sonia around!"
"No, It's fine really"
Sonia fiddles with her necklace before looking in front of her, Luna in her all looking glory, Smiling like the sun on a day that shines only for her. Her eyes doesn't break away, mouth was almost agape. The cold air hits her and she snaps out of her trance.
Callie throws on some cap on Luna's head before taking off her coat, lending it to Harvey. "Come on I'll show you how handsome I'll be with that uniform on"
"Okay Geez" Luna sits down, still in her fake uniform, smiling along as Callie shows off whilst the chaos Sonia's heart can't seem to calm down.
The day has passed and yet Sonia lay awake at night, hands resting on her chest as the cold night settles on her skin. The strange feeling thumping on her heart like it's ready to burst out any time now, her eyes shut forcefully.
This will pass , it will pass.
But it didn't, well it never went away. She runs her hands through her hair, exhaling shakily before eventually slapping herself to stay awake to her surroundings. The slap wasn't harsh, she knew what she can take — she thinks.
Kris almost flinches, standing up and looking at the clock. "Jesus, Sonia— care to notice your roommate being fast asleep?" she grumbles before hiding in the blankets, the sunlight hitting her face perfectly.
"Well it's already time for first period…"
"Fuck!" Kris suddenly shoots up this time, fumbling through out their shared room and heading straight to the showers. Sonia shakes her head, rolling her eyes playfully before stepping out to the hall.
Immediately being greeted by Harvey and — Luna. Right yes, roommates. Luna ruffles her hair over and over before walking over to her side, it has always been this way, the routine of walking towards Latin class while they talk about whatever.
Luna yawns, putting her hands in her pockets, slinging a hand over Harvey who groans annoyed. "Ms. Lover-girl doesn't have time for her roommate now?"
"Oh dear, Luna, when will you have your romance?" Harvey argues back , earning a kick on her knees. Laughing as she enters the classroom buzzing with students and gossips. "I'll find it soon, Ma'am"
Luna shortly enters, backing up and leaning on the door entrance. Snapping her fingers, "You alright Sonia?" Her voice slightly softer unlike how she talks to others. Sonia shakes her head, giving an awkward smile in return.
Entering the room as Luna tilts her head in confusion, hitting Callie on the back as they both enter the classroom. "What's up with that tension earlier?"
"Don't know, must be getting shy around someone like me"
"Pft, Sonia wouldn't choose you anyway"
"Rack off Callie"
Callie places down a shit ton of books on the table, putting the others below the table as she looks up.
"Don't take anything I say seriously"
"What?" Luna lets out a slight laugh.
"No need to earn others judgment in your own thoughts" Callie clicks her tongue, something she would do when she says something brilliant.
Luna ignores it, rolling her eyes before opening the new book they've just received.
Sonia's hand smooths the pages, placing the book softly on her lap as Harvey joins. Along with Callie, Sonia's brows furrowing. "Why is Callie always with you?"
"Why jealous?" She starts off with a snicker "We're…" Harvey takes out her lighter as Callie offers a cigarette, raising an eyebrow before continuing her sentence. "We're deeply in love with affection— "
"Callie!"
"What? It's Sonia, our dearest friend, it's not that bad…" Callie shuts up when she realised, both of their gaze lingering on Sonia's cross necklace.
Covered by Sonia's hands as she shuts her book in a hurry, Harvey stopping her. Grip on the wrist tight enough to bruise her pale skin, Harvey's face was something Sonia has never seen. It was new. "Don't."
"What?"
"Look I know what you're gonna do — you can yell it out to the whole school just don't talk to our parents about this"
"I'm not?— I'm not gonna do that." Sonia said offended as she tries to wriggle out of her death grip only for no success, rather the grasp had tighten. "Really?"
"Harvey— do you really think of me that way? It's true! You guys are weird, Two girls can't be together at all but I'm not gonna snitch on your parents because I'm not even close to them that much" Silence followed, the situation escalating way too fast for Sonia's comfort.
"But if you were you would right?" Harvey's voice was loud, not loud enough to wake the building but loud enough for Callie to step in. Hand resting on her should before muttering a soft "Babe"
"No no you would right? You said it yourself, we're both girls. But we can't control it no? I can't control my fucking heart from leaping out of my soul every time I see Callie … "
Callie's eyes soften and her mouth twitched to a smile, Sonia looked at them with disgust covering her face, was it really disgust? even she didn't know. This wasn't in the norm, this was forbidden in the book.
"… I'm so fucking sorry for being like this! I'm so sorry for being weird and not fitting in your mold"
"We don't exactly control the world"
"We're not talking about Christianity here — we're talking about the whole world, not just your bunch. I trust you yes, but that doesn't mean I'll ignore the remark you made, it's not weird because we love as normally as you guys do— " The voice get louder, a slight laugh letting it's way in the middle of the argument. A habit Harvey has when she's close to tears and Callie takes this as a signal.
Harvey's hand was soon ripped out from her wrist, Callie drags her body away, hands holding. Sonia's eyes linger to the two, a sharp pang hitting her heart over and over. She sucks it up, planning to apologise later on.
It's stupid, It's foolish for the two to be truly in love.
But even if she does state it in her mind over and over, branding it, she can't help but think about Luna. Her hand slaps her again, not harsh, no she'll never be harsh with herself.
It isn't love, this feeling was only present when Luna was in the uniform. She likes boys, she's normal. Right, yes. Sonia calms herself down, her mind replaying the moment as she hides her necklace from her view. A slight malfunction in her feelings.
They didn't talk for a while after that night, not that any of the others knew about what happened, Kris always knew what happened and she somehow always fixes it. Blowing flowers on her face as she runs away on the snowy field.
Sonia removes the petals that has fallen on her hair, Harvey sits down again this time Callie doesn't follow. But she does shortly after, the silence between them was finally filled.
Sonia plucks out a flower from the ground admiring it while her eye wanders to Luna, the bright smile directing to no one, her mouth runs dry. Gulping down what ever emotion was holding her, the snow falls on them. The bell tolls behind, their movement showing no intentions of standing up and rushing to class.
The petals slowly go off, aggressively picking it out before she finally let out an exhale. "When will I see that again?"
"What? You wanna see dear Luna in drag?" Charlotte responds immediately, staring with daggers at Sonia and she hastily looks away. "Well I suppose you guys were talking about it so I wondered… It's natural"
"Sure, Everything has to be natural for you" Harvey says, not in a condescending tone or anything, she just… says it naturally. Her smile still present and soft.
"I mean we can right now, all we need is trousers" Callie exclaims, pointing at their blazers. Luna scoffs, throwing a bunch of snow at her face. "I only did it as a gag — don't get your hopes down so soon though, I'm sure my face is enough"
"Enough to throw up to" Mary suddenly sneaks up, trying to grab the half lit cigarette resting on Charlotte's fingers, pulling it up even more until Mary falls down on the cloth they had placed down.
Earning laughter from others as Mary groans and dust her self off, Grabbing the coat that was previously thrown away by Kris. "I guess Karma is true"
The group returns to it's usual conversations, mostly filled with laughter, Harvey bumps Sonia's shoulder. "So why?"
"Why what?"
"Why'd you wanna see Luna look like a man? I think that's weird" Harvey snorts, knees going up to her face. A few seconds of silence pass by before Sonia responds hesitantly.
"I don't… I don't really know why"
"Hm, I think you should know why — it would be creepy to see you request for it everyday you know? Don't act like Callie over here" Harvey points to Callie, that night immediately replaying from her mind.Sensing the tension, Harvey clears her throat before standing up to go to Callie's side, actively avoiding Sonia.
Sonia has known that she shouldn't have said that so suddenly, even if it's the truth. Her hands fiddle her necklace again, her eyes stuck to the ground. She really doesn't know, she doesn't know why it makes her lay awake in the cold lonely night.
Such simple event that had her heart rip out from many sides, an event that leads her to pine away in the night.
Sonia doesn't tear her eyes away on the ground, she can feel eyes linger on her. More so only a pair of eyes dwell on her.
It's Harvey maybe, Callie not so much of a chance… Luna?
June 01 . 1984
Sonia had learned to accept it, she had learned to ignore every slight interaction of Callie and Harvey. Her mind often drifting to thoughts of her two dearest friends burning in hell, the whole group has known at this point.
And now she can't escape their sweetness and adoration hovering in the air, her eye twitches, the scratching at her cross grew even more. Every night she has contemplated of taking it off, it's weird, no they're weird.
Not her, she's normal.
Yet whenever Luna touches her hand, a slight touch can linger. Whenever Luna looks at her with the softest eyes she's seen, when Luna puts up a hand whenever they get caught doing something, when Luna… looks like —
Luna.
It had happened again, Luna didn't dress up or even look so similar to a man. This time a boy appeared, a real one, someone that looks so much like her that they could be twins.
Her mother had introduced him, lives just next school. She taps impatiently on the dining table, loudness hurting her eardrums as she stops herself from slapping again. Not in a public place, it would be improper for a lady, not knowing if this applies for a man.
Mary wraps her fingers in bandages, the blood leaking out as Luna gags at it. "Mary, I love you but I think you need to stop your finger biting habit"
"Not an option to survive this hell don't you think?"
"I think Mrs. Ellis can cut you some slack, it's the start of a new semester after all" Kris said taking the book away from Mary who then glares at her but makes no effort taking it back.
"Well, Ladies, I think we can all agree the start of the semester means a day of no workload to a night of homework" Callie sticks her knife on the food served, they all agree with her.
"Not like you'll do it anyways" Charlotte blurts out, leaning on the chair behind her before asking Sonia. "How about you? You've been anxiously tapping the table so much that I can physically see it move an inch"
"My mother… introduced me to a boy" Sonia said, a sigh escaping her lips.
Harvey raised an eyebrow. "Was he that bad?"
"If that dude look handsome it wouldn't hurt to try"
"Gag me with a spoon — looks wouldn't make up a personality, Callie" Kris exclaims, laughing as Callie swats her hand. "Well we're clearly not talking about you genius"
"Yes, Ma'am" Kris responds before eyeing Sonia, she doesn't respond. "Ok come on you can't just look all sad and not tell us what's so horrible about the man"
"He's not horrible — frankly he's sweet, filled with adoration actually" Sonia responded, a smile creeping up her lips voluntarily. A fake smile showing up as the others woo her. Luna doesn't talk, strangely avoiding her gaze as she sit upright.
"Sonia got herself a catch" Charlotte says, raising a glass to cheer only to be stopped by Harvey. "Let's not get too dramatic here, so tell me about the boy, he makes your heart all funny and tingly?"
"I would argue that's not love, more like — infatuation" Mary stated before getting booed on by Callie.
Sonia watches through the chaos, the answer is… she doesn't know, she really doesn't know.
The moment her eyes locked with his, his features immediately sparked something in Sonia. Someone familiar, his skin was tanned, his hair neat but messy all at the same time, eyes shining with the same brightness as his smile, every single part reminded her of Luna.
Yet it didn't give her the same feeling, the feeling of laying awake at night admiring a false version of someone, the feeling of her heart moving as she talks to her, the feeling of something she could explain but couldn't understand.
After the date set up, her hands run through her hair again, messing up the once perfect blonde curls now falling down softly on her face. Hands rubbing her tired eyes, shutting the windows, letting the cold breeze disappear. a soft slap delivered.
She was just new to this, she'll warm up to him and remember the boy as his own person not as Luna. She hopes.
She's not weird, her mother despises those. She'll never know why, wouldn't wanna know why.
A harsher one across her once pale skin now bruised, not that anyone would notice. She plops down her bed, letting the hum of the quiet night slowly drift her to sleep.
Her hands write along the pages, flipping through everyone of them while highlighting the most important.
Mind suddenly going blank, she flinches at the loud noise of the telephone hanging up aggressively. A presence was felt as she looks beside her, Luna.
Sonia tilts her head as Luna rambles on and on. "Jesus, If I were to choose between being dropped here for the first time and experience hell again or to go back to my family, specifically my mother, I would choose the first."
It wasn't new to them, Luna would often call home more than others do. Only ending up with a dead end, kicking her feet on the ground as she complains over and over about the same outcome.
She stops for a second though, playing with the pages of Sonia's book, before she could pry her hands away from the book. Luna's smile doesn't falter nor does it widen, it's just sitting there peacefully.
"Why do you hurt yourself?"
"What?"
"I can see bruises, red marks across your face sometimes. Especially after the test… it — bothers me"
"What I do to myself bothers you?" Sonia lets out a breathy laugh, not the one she usually does.
"Yeah" Luna responds fast, almost too fast like she was certain on what she said, foolish thought. "Aren't there better ways of caring for yourself that doesn't include violence?"
"Not exactly" Sonia hums as her eyes gaze at Luna's eyes, she didn't know how to properly care for herself after all. Growing up with a household like hers has it cons, her friends say everything about her household are cons and she can't even disagree.
"Well, Would you stop if I said so?"
"Is this real? Why would I—" Sonia gulps down something again, the words resting on her tongue, ready to spill yet it won't. it stays there like how she still stayed here.
Her mind wouldn't let her leave unlike the other few times this has happened, her feelings were not meant to be open, she doesn't let it open intentionally yet she craves for it; Luna can open it and it hurts, it always had.
A sharp pain hits her chest again, clearing her throat from the thoughts. "I guess, it's better for it to be you than for it to be anyone else after all"
"What like Callie?" Luna spouted with a dead-pan tone, and for once this year her laugh felt true. She covers her mouth before nodding along with Luna's statement.
A slight awkward laugh was heard from Luna, she doesn't find it funny but she does take the time to admire Sonia. "I might need to audition for a comedy if you're laughing like that"
"Might as well — I bet the whole group would attend"
"Well … why wouldn't they?" Luna eyes her book, stealthily stealing it from her grasp as she run all around the dorms. Sonia doesn't run after her, just walking while laughing.
Mary complained about the noises they made, throwing her pillow at both of their faces. Callie catches it and throws it to Charlotte, yelling "Hey Charlie! Catch"
"Oh for God-sakes you have to stop calling me Charlie"
"You would rather have Char-Char over Charlie?" Kris stood out, grabbing Sonia to go inside their shared dorm.
"Charlie makes me sound like a boy, Char-Char makes me sound like a hottie" Charlotte winks, clicking her tongue before throwing the pillow back to Mary. Callie raised an eyebrow at her, raising her hands before receiving a scoff from Charlotte.
"Not playing a game, Callie"
Sonia can't deny it again.
Her head nods off during english class, the poetry making her fall asleep, not making sense to her. A slight tap was heard on her desk. She looks up at Luna, Dearest Luna staring back, tilting her head before passing down a paper.
"Miss Collins told us to memorise this poetry…" Luna explains as Sonia turns around passing the paper backwards, Luna hesitates "Sonia?"
"Yeah?"
"Wanna go sneak out? The others are planning to run around town like wild dogs" Luna shows her a smile and Sonia paused before nodding.
"Luna Methven! I assume that you have already known about this literature if you keep chattering loudly with Miss Sonia?" Their teacher loudly said, eyes focusing on Luna as Callie bites her tongue to hold a laugh. Luna glared at her before responding back.
"I was just — "
"No pleas can ever excuse your blathering in the middle of class, Now come one I suppose you can recite the whole poem I have discussed earlier" Luna cringes as she stands up, whispering to Sonia before so.
"Speaking fancy words for no reason at all"
Sonia smirks at her; lending the book that includes the elements of the poetry, Luna snatches it and clears her throat. "Another Form Of Weakness by Desire —"
"Désiré." Their professor corrected, Luna cleared her throat mumbling a complain to Sonia as she continued further on. "Right, By Désiré Vieux."
She took a deep breath, her eyes skimming over the poem before reciting it out loud.
Fear control others;
I thought this was foolish.
Though filled with weakness
have I never let it puppet me.
Yet her form was not one I expect.
With my dearest heart,
she's the gap in between rules.
January 3rd . 1984.
Sonia laid out her belongings on the bed, patting it down before passing down the spare key to the lated Kris who's currently trying to shove everything in before it all falls down.
"Should've gotten that alarm clock, Kris"
"It was that or a camera and I of course would pick a camera!"
"Yeah yeah"
Sonia heads on outside, leaning on Callie's room right next to theirs, knocking in a specific rhythm only to be met with Mary. She tilts her head, catching the apple rolled onto her hand. "You and Callie are rooming?"
"Nah, her roommates the gossipy red head"
"Irene? That Irene? Must be hell"
"Good that I only mixed up our rooms, mines 317 and I'm guessing yours is the same"
"As always but then how can you mix up 303 with 317?"
"I have not gotten a wink of rest in the Ellis household!" Mary runs her hand through her face, exiting the room as they get greeted by Callie running all up to them. They almost collapse if it weren't for Sonia's death grip over the two of them.
Callie didn't waste any time to greet the rest of the group, opening the door to the room across them to greet Harvey. "Bria Harvey rooming with the new —"
Harvey looks up, pausing her organising, dusting her hand before facing them completely. Luna peeks out, standing up trying to find a way out of the interaction. Callie doesn't let her, "Hey"
"Hey…" Luna said returning Callie's hand shake.
"I'm Callie, Callie Sherman. May I invite you over for dinn—"
"And I'm Mary Ellis!" Mary shoves Callie to the side and pushes Sonia to the front. Sonia gives her a welcoming smile as she does with anyone, bright as ever. "Sonia — Florea, welcome to hell"
"Y-yeah" Their hands meet and Sonia feels a slight tensing grip, "And you are?"
"Oh — yeah! I'm Luna, Luna Methven"
"Meth? Someone smoking pot?" Callie returns only to get shoved once again by Mary.
"Don't mind Callie, she's not alright since birth I say so — I have seen you in church once right? you were looking at me an awful lot that time" Sonia strikes up a conversation, covering up the chaos happening in the hallway. Luna nods, she certainly remember the once stranger she called a pale angel that now had a name.
"Right other than that — where's Kris?!"
Sonia squishes in between the crowd to go to her room, Harvey shakes her head before heading on out. "Right we're going out to shop later, mind going with us. It's the first day so they'll allow students to go out, not that anyone would escape after all"
Luna accepts the invitation, smile widening while she looks at Sonia playfully dragging Kris outside.
My mind once so rigid and tight,
now filled with the softest edge.
I have blamed her for this flaw
yet such flaw never felt like one.
October 23rd . 1984
She brushes her hair straight, irons her uniform tight and straight, posture as straight as a ruler. No flaw can be seen from Sonia, the overachiever who can't handle breaking a single rule as she can't handle herself breaking.
Her books in size order as she chatters with Kris on the way, Harvey catching up and dragging Luna along. Luna slings an arm over Kris, "I think I shouldn't have been the one to read the poem out loud"
"Thought you were ignoring that moment?" Harvey asked, panting as she fixes her blazer.
"My hand was shaking like crazy! Though the poem was alright, more perfect if Sonia recited it"
"Why? Nothing would change about the poem after all" Sonia said with curiosity.
Luna replied "Cause you're perfect, a perfect poem needs it's perfect reader" voice dripping with sincerity, Sonia's heart doesn't seem to calm down after.
"I have some flaws don't you agree, Kris?" Sonia looked over Kris's side before receiving a scoff. "Must need a magnifying glass to find an imperfection in you"
"I agree with Kris, I'm not as perfect as you" Luna stated, Harvey agreed with her.
"I think you're perfect" Her reply seemed to have caused Luna to be silent for a while.
"Thanks" Luna smiles genuinely, patting her back before rushing to enter the classroom. Sonia smiles back.
That was her flaw, a flaw that can't be seen because it's deep in the heart. Not even considered as one because it was just love.
Writings have become muddled;
Only to be revived by her sweetest memories.
Her hands puppeteer mine
thoughts plagued with her imprint.
Midnight wasn't Sonia's favourite time, her mind becomes muddled up with no inspiration, it was unusual. Usually it would be a time for her mind to actually spark with ideas, her pen hovers over the equation.
She had forgotten the solution, she was leafing through the past notes that was erased over and over by her smudges. Until a slight shuffle can be heard, her feet touches another and she looks up.
Luna's there. Strangely enough, they only get their alone time at midnight.
Maybe that's why despite hating on the starry sky she impatiently waited for the day to pass just to have the company of her moon, that's what Luna's aunt calls her at least.
"You're stressing over trigonometry again?"
"Well it's the only subject that gives us work everyday, I've lost some of my notes though"
"That's rare, want me to help?"
"…Sure, I think I can trust you more than others" Sonia hands over her past solutions that was scraped over with a X, Luna laughs at it before holding her hand out.
"I'm sure Mary would've done this in a swoop" Luna snorts, Sonia gently lays down the pen. her hand writes away, focusing while still chattering with Sonia. "Have you done English? The shared activity with Latin"
"No not yet, I've thrown and wasted many papers over that already… It's harder because I'm from another country you know?"
"I would help but seriously even I'm struggling, can't seem to find inspiration"
"It can be about anyone right?" Sonia asked sheepishly.
"Mm, Yeah" Luna stopped writing, encircling the final answer before handing it back. Her handwriting's a mix of messy yet neat while Sonia's an absolute difference.
Her hand touches the paper gently, "Hey thanks"
"It's alright, I'm sure you would awe our Mrs. Collins with your handwriting" Luna said, standing up and going away. Sonia stares at the door now closed, she sighs.
Sonia had seemed to finish English perfectly that night, even if she desperately tried to erase Luna from her heart, her hand can only write with her in mind.
Kris looks at the written poetry that Sonia asked her to rate, "Who's this about? It's slightly romantic"
"Just someone close"
"Alright then, it's good enough for Mrs. Collins and me" Kris returns it back, Sonia stares at it for a while resisting the urge to crumple it and throw the foolish poem away.
My hand longed for her touch,
My stories hoped for her acknowledgement,
My heart ached for her laugh,
My soul craved for hers.
Luna chews on her pen, Sonia watches her sneakily until a book slam made her flinch. Luna throws her head back as the rest of the group looks at her. "Jesus who ever made poems must've wanted hell"
Callie laughs at her demise, getting hit by Mary who's currently tutoring her on Trigonometry. "Callie, Focus or else your grade will go even lower"
"Yeah, Callie focus!" Luna said in a mocking tone before redirecting her attention to Sonia, quietly reading their English book. Luna looks at the title before asking. "What page are you on?"
"Page 31."
"Ah! The poetry I said out loud — made by who again?"
"Désiré Vieux, Is it still haunting you?"
"No! I just like how the poem sounds" Luna lets out a smile, leaning over to look clearly at the text. Sonia admires her for a while, lowering down the book for a tiny bit. Enough for Luna to read it clearly.
"You can read it upside down?"
"I think so … I do not know what I'm looking at" Sonia laughs at her, Luna looks up before looking down on the book again. Hand touching Sonia's as she adjusted the height of the book.
Their quiet moment was now interrupted by the bell, Sonia almost rolls her eyes at it until Luna looks away. Callie whistling to them, Luna immediately jumped out of the seat, running over to their side.
Sonia lingers over the moment earlier, shutting the book slowly, placing it down and going to them eventually.
Her body still feels the touches, her heart stays on that laugh, and for once her mind seems to have stayed on a single topic.
However the words stay on my tongue,
urging to spill such confession.
Our relationship I dare not ruin
by stating the reality of my torture.
Sonia dreaded the day of coming back home for a week of Christmas break. Their school had decided to make it in November for an ass reason to keep the student in tact, despite the others encouragement to not go back home, she cannot turn her back from her family.
"Why can you not turn your back at them?" Luna enters the silent room, plopping down on the bed opposite to Sonia's. She paused her action, not clasping her suitcase tight. "Well I just can't"
"That's bullshi—"
"Don't you have an Aunt to come home to?" Sonia suddenly said, Luna mouth opened wide as she forgot about her aunt but still she didn't move from her spot. Clicking her tongue, "Well I can certainly rebel my aunt unlike you"
"Well I'm not like you okay?"
"Didn't want you to be, it's just that your parents are a-holes and that's a fact don't try denying it now" Luna said, opening her lighter but closing it in the end.
Sonia glares at the girl behind her, spinning around, hands resting on the desk. Luna had been more comfortable to her unlike how others act towards her, it's something she wasn't so used to.
"Besides you need to think about yourself at least for a while! It looks like us trying to control you but here I'll say it, sometimes your life needs to step outside of your family and … religion…"
Luna said the last part quietly and Sonia groans at her.
"Come on say what you feel and I'll make it better or I don't know make it stay that way?" Luna sat up straight, staring at Sonia.
Sonia had thought about it, she had thought about their time together, yet all that encouragement had gone. Her heart had been filled with disgust and denial.
She couldn't have felt anything for another girl, it was forbidden in the book. It will always be forbidden.
She turns away, going to the coat hanger and putting on a coat. Sonia finally responds.
"Not really worth to talk about" She walks on over to the suitcase, clasping it close once and for all as she turns around to the doorway.
"What?" Luna stands up, raising an eyebrow.
Sonia gulps down the feeling, raising her hand as a goodbye to Luna. It was simply, something she couldn't risk.
Luna stood there, grabbing a cigarette from her back pocket and lighting it while closing the door.
And so I stay by her side,
closer than I wanted.
As I touch her tender soul,
My hands chained with her.
Luna had not acknowledged that moment, Sonia thought.
Their midnight meetup stayed after the quick break, instead they have met up coincidentally outside at the snow, the hidden spot used by most students. The slight ruffle of the leaves made Sonia look back.
Luna quickly sat down, no questions, just sitting down. She was fighting the urge to ask what she meant back then, but she stopped.
She was a coward like the rest. Like Sonia.
"What happened… during your break?"
"A bunch of stuff that you probably don't follow."
"Yeah" Luna said, looking down to the ground before looking back at Sonia. "Have you ever had… a first kiss?"
"A kiss? No, Mother forbid that during the blind dates, she was desperate to get me an escort." Sonia rambled on, unlikely of her. Luna couldn't stop her mouth from running as she asked.
"Would you forbid yourself from kissing another — girl"
"What?" Sonia let out an awkward laugh. "What?" A slight tone change can be heard, Sonia didn't stand up or move away, only maintaining eye contact with her.
Luna gulps, mouth running dry as she doesn't break it. "No, I mean — I'm sorry"
"Luna —" Sonia was cut off, startled from the sudden movement from the other.
A hand can be met with her cheek, Luna pauses at the right moment before their lips meet, eyes closed in fear while Sonia's eyes are wide open.
The chains that was once trapping her was broken, Sonia couldn't resist. She could prove it, she's not weird. Maybe that was just an excuse.
Their lips smashes into each other, the kiss was rough and messy.
They both didn't expect it, their tongues tangle with each other. Sonia savours the flavour she didn't know she wanted so bad, slight sweetness can be tasted.
Luna didn't know what to do, her hand stays on Sonia's shoulder. Brain circuiting, she badly wanna pull away but her will just couldn't. This could be a dream she could not forget, and so they stay like that, just feeling each other's embrace.
The kiss was broken a little while, Sonia tries to dive in for a slight kiss only to be stopped by Luna. The softest hand covering her mouth as Luna's eyebrow furrowed.
In disgust? In fear? Or The hatred she had lived with? Sonia can't tell.
"Stop." Luna's voice breaks a tiny bit, Sonia doesn't respond only returning a hollow expression.
Her head drops on Luna's shoulder, staring at the plaided skirt covered half with their coat provided by their academy. She mutters a small, "I'm sorry."
She had meant it not directed it, to someone? to her Luna? or to her parents? The apology was made for her heart, not that she meant to. She never meant to sin, She really didn't.
Yet as their hands interlocked with each other's as the silent night serenades the scene, Luna doesn't wanna believe it and so does Sonia. But they can't help but want to feel each other more than they were made to.
"Don't be"
They sit in silence the tension engulfing them until Sonia mumbled something again, Luna looks down on Sonia to the moonlit sky.
"Te iubesc"
"What does that mean?" Luna asked, lifting Sonia's head only to be met with a slightly teary eyed smile. Her voice soft as she responded to her. "Everything"
I had let this girl be my puppeteer;
But she had not controlled me
for I controlled myself for her.
Kris took note of a lot of things, Charlotte the one that usually supports the idiotic ideals. Kris doodles all around her notebook, the window slightly open as cold air seeps in the room and eventually to her skin.
She had lost her coat earlier and needs more than what she has right now to buy a new one, as she stands up to close the window her eyes spot two figures dancing in the moonlight. Were they dancing or was she just tired.
They had stopped when they saw her, the hand that was gently holding each other was set apart harshly by the other… Sonia?
She shakes her head, closing the window, rubbing her eyes before eventually going to sleep.
Sonia reflexes made her drop the hand that had love her.
They've started loving each other after that night, though not said out loud the actuality is still there around them.
Despite that her fear grew more when she escaped the bird cage.
Luna had grown used to it, her eyes lingers at the cross necklace that dangles in front of her when they're in bed. Not doing anything, just feeling each other's body.
Not lust no, she never let lust control her. Sonia would never let her fear control her, she tries hard to prove it to Luna even if she doesn't need to, and so her hand makes her way to Luna's hand again.
Dragging her down to the snow filled grass as they lay side by side, smiling whilst pointing at the starry sky. Even though she has not proven it yet, Luna thinks she already did. Because such fear wouldn't let you stare at another, someone like her.
"I'll marry you one day, promise?" Luna holds her hand out in front of her, the pinky finger being as angelic as her face. Which was a stupid thought.
"Promise" Sonia giggles, interlocking their pinkies together to form a promise.
Not only had she been a flaw in mine,
but a sin I willed to have.
December was awfully long.
Sonia rips out her cross necklace, throws it on the ground and held back an angry voice as she wipes her face aggressively.
"I'll throw it fine — but you have to stop pretending we're okay!"
The throw echoed around the church, it wasn't night no Sonia doesn't want her midnight time to be ruined by her own actions. Luna stares at it for a long time before looking back at Sonia.
“I just— I just want to be normal… I want to fucking feel normal, We’re not normal we're not seen as normal so let's stop— I just don't… I don't wanna feel this”
Sonia's tears eventually fell once and for all, Luna didn't know what to do. It was Christmas, the day of happiness yet she had felt empty all year round and now she's losing her.
“You are normal… We are normal”
She's losing the one that made her feel safe, the one she had truly love.
“You're the only one that thinks that— not me, not them, but just you”
Sonia was losing the one sheltering her from the real word, the world that was normal and ideal for everyone.
Their argument escalated, Sonia raises her hand and —
The slap echoed all around the empty building and around her heart, they both stop. Luna raises her hand to feel the burn mark across her cheek, looking slowly to Sonia. Head moving first before her eyes, she had refuse to see her.
The Sonia she had once adored now chained once again, not by others but by her own judgement, and here she thought Sonia didn't forbid herself from loving another soul the same as her.
"Luna —" Sonia didn't bother after seeing the expression Luna had shown her, it wasn't adoration; not hollowness but pure hatred and a wretched agony in her heart.
She didn't know what to do, so her feet takes her away from Luna. To the outside world, to the real one, her tears doesn't stop. She runs anywhere, everywhere just to seek shelter that she had now lost from her own hands.
She didn't want the moonlight to be ruined.
Yet the one she had wanted to was now leaving her with a sense of longing, the feeling doesn't control her, she doesn't let it puppet her this time.
Sonia was free from sin, Luna never thought they were chained by such hatred for another type of love. Yet here she is, standing alone in the hollow corridor.
Touching her necklace shared with Sonia, the locket was not thrown only the cross.
December was awfully long.