Chapter Text
Eddie knew something was off.
Buck hadn’t exactly been quiet, he still talked, but it was the way he spoke. His words were flat, mechanical. Like someone going through the motions, devoid of the usual spark.
His reckless behavior hadn’t changed much either. Just before their shift ended, Buck had charged into a collapsing building to save a cat. A cat. Bobby had caught him red-handed as they exited the scene, cradling the frightened feline in his arms like a hero out of a storybook.
Eddie had to admit, it was a cute cat. And the look on that little girl’s face when she was reunited with it? Nearly priceless. Nearly.
But what really unnerved Eddie was that Buck didn’t fight back when Bobby lit into him afterwards.
He just stood there.
Silent.
He didn’t even flinch.
Usually, Buck would argue, defend himself with passion, or at least crack a joke to deflect the tension. But this time? Nothing. Not a word on the entire drive back to Eddie’s place.
Even the soft hum of the radio felt like a shout in the quiet between them.
Eddie glanced sideways at him, hands tight on the wheel. Buck stared straight ahead, his jaw set, eyes distant. It wasn’t just tension between them anymore, this was different.
He knew something was wrong.
Buck was wrong.
It was like he was waiting, waiting for Eddie to start yelling, to echo Bobby’s anger.
But Eddie didn’t.
And eventually, he couldn’t take the silence anymore.
“You’ve been different lately.”
He said it quietly, not wanting to startle him, but needing to break the wall between them.
Buck didn’t respond at first, just kept his gaze fixed on the road ahead. Then, a faint hum, almost like a shrug.
Eddie pressed on. “I don’t know what you’re going through… but I want you to know I’m here. Whenever you need me.”
That finally earned a reaction. Buck flicked his eyes toward him for just a second, a fleeting glance full of something, grief? Guilt? Fear? Then he looked away again.
They pulled into the driveway, headlights sweeping over the lawn.
“Chris is probably already asleep,” Eddie said as they stepped out of the truck. “But we can wake him to let him know we’re back.”
Buck shook his head. “Nah… let him sleep.”
It was the first full sentence he’d spoken since they left the station.
Inside, Eddie went to the fridge, grabbing a couple beers and tossing the leftover pizza into the microwave. Buck drifted toward Chris’s bedroom door, which sat cracked open.
“I didn’t realize he still sleeps with his door open,” Buck said, almost too softly to hear.
“He started doing that every time we’re on shift,” Eddie replied, heading to the couch. “Says he sleeps better when he knows we can peek in on him when we get home.”
“Smart kid…” Buck murmured. He sank into the couch beside Eddie and added, more to himself, “I really needed that.”
They sat for a while, the silence no longer uncomfortable but heavy with unsaid things. The microwave dinged, and Eddie handed Buck a slice of lukewarm pizza.
A few more moments passed before Buck spoke again, voice barely above a whisper.
“My parents are coming to town.”
Eddie looked at him, eyebrows raised slightly. “Yeah?”
Buck nodded “Yeah”, not meeting his eyes. “Next week. Didn’t want to tell anyone... didn’t even know if I’d let them visit. but there her for Maddie and jee so I can’t stop them
Eddie took a long sip of his beer, thinking. Then
“Well… I’m here. Whatever you need. Even if that means making sure they don’t step one foot inside your apartment.”
That got the smallest chuckle from Buck. Not much, but enough.
“Thanks, man,” he said, voice hoarse. “That means more than you know.
For the next 48 hours, everything continued as normal. Buck was still quiet, but they kept in touch—talking occasionally and sending memes back and forth.
It felt almost like a return to routine. But then came the next shift... and that’s when everything started to go downhill.
Everyone on the team knew that calls involving children were hard, especially for Buck.
But this was different.
It all started on a call. They were dispatched to a teenage boy in distress and injured in Griffith Park. When the team arrived, the kid was dehydrated, disoriented, and had a broken, bloody ankle.
“What the fuck happened here?” was the only thing Eddie could think before he snapped back to himself and began checking the boy’s vitals.
All the while, the boy was pleading and whimpering things like, “Please, I have to catch up with the rest before tonight, otherwise they’ll call my parents,” and “Please help me. If I don’t get back, I don’t get a sleeping bag for the night.”
Hen and Eddie, who were working on the boy’s clearly fractured ankle, were at a loss for words.
“No sleeping bag at night? Here?! That kid would freeze to death,” Hen whispered to Eddie in a low, hushed voice.
Before either of them could ask the kid what he meant by that, or even what his name was, Buck, who had been frozen in place by the truck, suddenly stepped forward. He held out a granola bar like it was a peace offering, still keeping a cautious distance from the boy.
“Here, take it. I won’t tell them,” he said with a wink.
It only took a second before the boy grabbed the bar out of his hand and started eating like he hadn’t seen food in weeks.
“Mind telling me your name? Or your age?” Buck asked gently, lowering himself to sit on the ground.
“Ethan. Fourteen,” he said, his mouth full of crushed granola bar.
Fourteen.
Jesus.
They would have been the same age, Buck thought, as memories came flooding back.
He felt the endless hunger bubbling in his stomach, the phantom feeling of cracked lips. He felt like he needed a shower, now. He needed to wash off the never ending dirt from his skin.
No. He couldn’t go back there. Not now. Not while Ethan needed him.
He snapped out of it as he heard Eddie’s voice.
“Ethan, I need you to stay still for me, alright? Can you tell me how long you’ve been out here?”
Ethan looked back at Buck, terrified, as if asking for permission to speak freely. Buck pulled himself together and gave a small nod of encouragement.
“I was getting slower yesterday… when… when I woke up, they already left me. I didn’t stop walking to find them,” Ethan said, then burst into sobs.
“It’s okay. You’re okay now,” Hen reassured him. “You’re dehydrated and your ankle’s in bad shape. But we’ve got you now. You’re going to be okay.”
Eddie leaned back.
“BP’s low, heart rate fast, dry skin, slow cap refill. He’s definitely dehydrated. Not crashing yet, but not far from it.”
“Let’s splint him and get him moving,” Hen said, already reaching for the foam brace. “We’ll start fluids in the rig.”
Ethan winced as they gently straightened his leg, his left hand gripping a fistful of dry grass and his right clinging tightly to Buck’s hand, who was still sitting beside him. His breath hitched with every movement as they prepared to get him to the ambulance, but he didn’t dare scream.
“You’re doing great, Ethan,” Buck said as Ethan’s grip on his hand tightened, grounding them both.
It took little effort to lift him onto the stretcher. He was light. too light for a boy his age and size. All bones and sunburned skin.
Once in the ambulance en route to the ER, Eddie started an IV while Hen placed an oxygen mask over Ethan’s face. As cool saline began to drip into his arm, his breathing eased slightly and his eyes relaxed.
But he never let go of Buck’s hand.
As the ambulance hit a bump, something metal clanged loudly on the floor. Ethan’s eyes shot open again, panicked. He looked up at Buck, fear flooding his face.
“Please, please don’t call them… they just sent me back. Please.”
Buck squeezed his hand and reassured him softly.
“You’re safe now. Don’t worry. Just focus on resting.”
Leaving Ethan behind the glass ER doors was hard.
Getting him to the hospital had grounded Buck, had given him purpose. But now that Ethan wasn’t there, there was no longer a hand to hold. And without that hand, Buck felt the return of that old, horrible feeling. The feeling of sand embedded in his skin, the filth, the shame.
All he could focus on was the need for a hot shower.
Bobby had to nudge him.
“Buck?”
“I...I, uh...” he choked out. “I need a shower,” he said as he walked back to the truck and slammed the door shut behind him.