Chapter Text
My dearest Will,
It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, at all.
I didn’t count the days.
It would erase the feeling, you know? Make the gaping hole in my chest that’s left by a pen and paper seem stupid.
I used to hate not writing, no matter what I was working on. DND campaign, school essay, diary, just my own little fantasies.
Our comics.
Letters I wrote to you that ended in; ‘Love, Mike’.
My confession of the space you take up in me seems pointless, now, with the knowledge I have now of what would happen that day.
We had so many dreams.
I had worlds I wanted to bring to life with you.
But now the life in you has bled out through your eyes,
And I think I went along with it.
The funny (not-funny) part of this all, is that you are more alive then I’ll ever be.
You're a hero.
(I would’ve preferred you be forgotten by this fucking town and alive then be remembered and gone.)
(I would’ve preferred I’d died then you.)
We all talk about you constantly. The Party, Max, Hopper, your mom, Jonathan, El. Me.
There’s no way to escape you, and the memories of how we all failed to save you.
How even El couldn’t do anything.
That’s how she got the strength to kill Vecna.
She was so angry, so hateful, so full of grief for you, her brother.
I don’t remember anything except you, and what you looked like, before and after and during, but apparently I grabbed Nancy’s gun, and shot Vecna so many times I even hit a few of his vines, the ones holding him up, and the way he fell made it look like he was hanged.
I also tried to shoot myself.
The barrel was empty.
I wish it wasn’t.
I wish El, Hopper, and Nancy had let me stay with you when the Upside Down died, crushing all that was left of you.
I couldn’t even take you back, because everything was gone so quickly.
I can see your face no matter where I am, or in what state.
It’s burned into all of me.
When you dropped, when your face went slack, when Vecna sunk his claws and vines into you, I was so
I didn’t know how
I couldn’t
I still can’t
Fuck.
I’m crying again.
I cry every day, even after all these months.
The paper is getting wet,
But your name is the only part that’s smudged.
I wanted to go with you.
I still do.
I never told you, but the first time you left me, when they pulled that body-not-body from the lake (I used to see it in my nightmares. Now I see the both of you, every night, but it’s not a nightmare, because I get to see you), I tried to jump off the cliff, into the quarry.
I couldn't be alive if you weren’t.
That’s how I know I’m not here right now, and you’re still breathing.
Because I would’ve died by now, without you.
You were the sun up in my sky.
And now I have frozen over.
I wish the frost would kill me.
I wish ice would break my body apart so my soul can escape, go to yours, and we’d become one, or maybe I’d become a part of you.
I’m already a part of you.
I was always only a part of you.
The earth only exists because of the sun, to serve it, to be tied to it, until death and supernova do they part and rejoin the dust that is all we were and are and will be.
I am yours.
I belong to you and your corpse and your ashes.
I love you.
I miss you.
I miss you, the beautiful sun in the endless void that is me without you.
With a love for you I cannot forget,
And yours forever, undoubtedly,
Mike