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Throughout his functioning, Starscream had found himself hating many things.
From certain bots being way too ‘friendly’, trying to get on his so-called good side with stupid jokes and lame excuses for nice gestures, to mechs who displayed themselves on pedestals with nothing to back up their ego. Hated the sweetened high-grade energon they used to serve back in Vos, which he drank nonetheless since it was better to listen to all those lousy royals buzzed rather than sober.
The smell of polishing glaze most of his ‘colleges’ back at the academy used to wear, he swore he had been close to going blind more times than he can count. Some holidays, just because. One of his old professors, Megatron, the Autobots, this stupid planet and it’s disgusting inhabitants. Megatron.
But the one thing which had made its biggest and unmovable place in his spark when it came to hate, was the cold.
He despised it down to his core. Sure, the density of the air seemed to benefit his engines’ efficiency , but that’s about all he had to say for the low temperatures in the positive. The breeze which would whip at his face plate only made him more irritated as he kept post outside the cave which Soundwave had detected energon signals from, having to move every now and then since he kept sinking into the snow due to his weight.
And of course, given his hatred for the Arctic weather was quite well known around their fraction, the fragger Megatron had decided to drag him along for this mission. There were most of the other Decepticons here as well, but that’s besides the point.
Staring at the white covered horizon, he felt his mind drift to nowhere in particular, trying to ignore the way his wings would give a small tremble every now and then. At least they were almost ready charging the energon cubes Megatron needed and would soon be headed back to base, away from this horrid place.
While he couldn’t exactly put his digit on it, there was something about this space that just made him sick to his tank. He had done his best to avoid any snow ridden biome on this stupid planet, but even other times when he had came across such spaces, he never felt this nauseous.
It seemed like every couple of kicks his optics would go blurry and his knees would threaten to give out under his weight for no apparent reason at all. It felt sickening in a whole another way, feeling this weak with nothing to blame it on. Perhaps his system was still getting used to the harsh elements of this planet.
He knew there was another reason as to why but he pushed the thought far away, quickly enough so he does not spiral on it for the better part of the day. Like he usually would whenever he got reminded of his number one reason as to why he hated places such as this.
From the distance, he could hear his trinemate, Skywarp, obviously taunting whoever he was paired with. Judging by the tone, the bot he got assigned to work with was surely Rumble, if the occasional trembling of the ice beneath his pedes wasn’t enough of a giveaway.
Starscream never really understood what the whole ordeal between the two was but he also really couldn’t bring himself to care. And as much of a prankster and a yapper Skywarp was he never liked sharing, even with his Trine. Him and Thundercracker were quick to make amends with it, it was rare for them to have a vulnerable conversation, especially in times of war.
The small waves of shock sending through the ground however only seemed to make Starscream's sickness worse, whatever it was, it was starting to get on his nerves. He had been just fine before they landed.
What really got on his nerves though, was when the next shake came twice as hard and twice as long. Gritting his dentas, the Seeker was quick to storm over the cave opening which Skywarp had just been at, the ice and crystallized snow crunching beneath the weight of his footsteps. Once on the sight, Starscream was quick to take in the lame image plastered before him, both Decepticons submerged in snow and crushed ice as if they had just been victims of an avalanche.
“Why are you two standing around like lumps at a smelter?!” The echo of his voice as he stepped inside pierced his audials. “The longer you two fool around the longer we’ll stay stuck in this pit! Get back to work or I’ll be sure that Megatron-” His voice box faltered mid glaring between the two, only to settle up ahead, deeper into the cave as something glimmered in his vision.
Shoulders relaxing where they had been stiff from his previous rage, his next steps felt almost too slow for his processor to acknowledge, yet so fast as soon enough he found himself face to face with clear ice. Most importantly, clear ice, and white paint.
He felt light yet heavier than usual, optics blurring in and out of vision as he could only stare. He felt his chassis grow tight, the gears of his inner mechanisms turning harsh and agonizingly fast the longer he seemed to look.
This shade of paint was familiar. Way too familiar. Had it been only that he’d not thing much of it but the shape of the metal itself, the fuzzy image of the thing, the bot trapped inside the cold wall was enough to make his processor go haywire. It felt as if time itself froze entirely and the sickness he felt earlier only doubled down on him, lubricant gathering in his intake, threatening him with the promise of vomiting whatever little energon he had consumed. The sickness he had felt suddenly made sense, and it only made him feel weaker.
He hated being weak.
Starscream's had many regrets before, most of which he was quick to brush off with the promises of never repeating such mistakes again. Yet what he had done then was something he can’t take back and fix. He was forced to make amends with the fact that what was done cannot be fixed.
Thus, the first of many regrets began.
Cybertron was as much of a relic as he last remembered. Towers made of metal rusted and broken down by warfare, the once vibrant lights of the city which he could not place a name on now broken and lifeless. He was surprised he hadn’t seen any corpses, be it Autobots’ or Decepticons’. Despite it all, it seemed Shockwave had done his fair share of work, the headquarters looking just as Starscream last remembered, said scientist also unchanged even with how long it had been. Albeit skeptic over Megaton's sudden ‘downfall’, Shockwave still followed Starscream's commands, though as far as his loyalty went the seeker was sure he’d try and go behind his back nonetheless. But it didn’t matter. The earth had no less than 7 hours left of existing. Even if Megatron had been functional he wouldn’t be for long.
With Doctor Arkeville in the med-bay, or more famously known as the torture room given their only ‘medical help’ as of the nano-klik was Shockwave, Starscream took his time to walk around the remains of the city. He was aware it was located somewhere on the eastern peninsula of their home planet but he never much cared to learn the name. He just knew it wasn’t Iacon, Kaon nor Vos. For the former capital, as its legacy went on, had been the first major city to fall once the war began, and Kaon rising to be the center of the revolution. As for Vos… Starscream shook his helm before he could think on that again. Not because of nostalgia but pure annoyance, for his hometown could’ve been something so much more if it hadn’t been leveled down. If only most of his citizens haven’t been cowards, running away from the inevitable rather than fighting against the injustice which the High Council had ruled with over all those cycles.
As far as he was concerned, he had only taken such a detour to pass time while the earthly doctor was getting ‘fixed’.
He tried to ignore the sick feeling in his tank, rising to life with every step he’d take.
The nano-klik Skyfire entered Cybertron's atmosphere he felt his engines nearly give out. Luckily, he was able to gather his emotions just long enough for him and his team to land on the side wall of the Decepticon's Headquarters. Once he had transformed back from his alt mode however, he couldn’t help the turmoil he felt in his spark at the sight in front of his optics.
It hadn’t been that long since he was discovered and brought back from the ice. If anything it had been no more than a couple of Earth weeks. He had made amends with the fact that he was now in the middle of a war, that the life he once knew was long ago forgotten.. or tried to, as best as he could for such a short period of time. One can’t immediately accept the news that their home, life itself as they knew it, the better portion of the bots they once called friends, were now all but gone with the wind, left behind far, far away in time. That even though for Skyfire it had felt like a quick nap, for the world he had been in stasis for a time in which many planets have evolved and changed, entire constellations have disappeared and been created… His own home world had been destroyed, while he had stayed stuck in the landscape of a planet once millions of light years away.
Truth be told, the nano-klik he had been delivered the news of today’s time and its conflicts, his spark had ached to come back. Make him see for himself before he believed anything anyone told him, no matter which side they were fighting on. But as he stood on the familiar yet totally foreign surface of Cybertron, he wished to have never came.
Buildings, leveled to the ground, metal of all types corroded and left to turn to nothing, as the air seemed thick with tension and the distant smell of spilled energon. His processor couldn’t work out how it was possible, despite Skyfire knowing fully well how. But he has never been faced with the horrors of war his comrades had dealt with all those cycles. He hadn’t grown a spinal strut stable enough to not let him collapse on his knees at the image of their planet once full of life now abandoned, of feeling warm energon slipping through the cracks of his digits and his panels as he carried a bot fighting for his life.
From a scientist he had been turned into nothing but a hearse with wings in the blink of an optic. A title, a burden, a job he never had the choice of having, one which had been dropped on his shoulders as soon as the red insignia had been placed on his chassis.
From their landing forward, it had been a blur.
While he recalled a fight breaking out and some distant comment he had made in regard to a purple mech, most of the battle had been all but pushed to the back of his helm as Skyfire had functioned on what Spike would call it ‘auto-pilot’. One nano-klik he was taking in the dizzying sight of the destroyed Cybertron, and in the next he found his pedes landing on a new location. One he could not believe his navigator to be correct naming.
There was no way these ruins were the great city of Vos.
Yet as he stared at the crumbled architecture and felt the wind of the open sky above him, his spark tightened. He knew those winds. The decor adorning the ruined pillars, once standing tall and glorious, now fallen over and reduced to dust. The warmth which once seeped into his being was replaced with cold numbness as the shuttle took his first few steps into the new, once, Vos.
This was wrong. It felt like blasphemy against Primus himself to think about such a grand city in this state, let alone being a witness to it. He knew about the downfall of Iacon, the uprising of the citizens of Kaon, but as it seemed, the Autobots had tried to spare him of the news of the city of seekers being burned down.
His throat felt tight as he fought back the thought of his own city being destroyed. If a place as heavenly as Vos had been tainted by bloodshed to no recognition then Altihex was surely obliterated.
For the next few kicks, he did nothing but take slow, heavy steps through the rubble. It was too quiet for it to be a city once famous with it’s freedom for flight and a popular spot for mechs of all kinds to visit. All beauty associated with it now looked cursed, banished never to return again no matter how many cycles it would take to rebuilt it in a foolish attempt to bring back it’s image.
This was the second time Skyfire had ever stepped a pede in Vos. The second time throughout his whole functioning that he had been present in the city, yet it might as well be a totally different planet. The fauna of the gardens once rich in colors and wildlife which he had been so excited learning about now withered, swaying against the warm breeze which whistled between the cracks of buildings, bright and welcoming long ago.
It looked like a joke. Some sick, twisted joke which had gone on for far too long.
He remembered, back then, the rumors. The tension in he air. The whispered conversations which would catch his audials as he’d walk through the busy streets of Iacon, the discussions of the uprising started by the lower classes.
It had brought distress to their doorstep, one which leaked in through the walls of the academy, causing everyone to be more cautious and aware of who they were surrounding themselves with. Bots would spare suspicious glances at each other, some even causing conflicts and minor fights to break out. The shuttle had his fair share of discrimination then, mainly for his size and his right to be in such a facility, but the longer the anticipation of awaiting for something to happen, the worse it seemed to get.
Bots had become restless. Classes seemed to stretch on longer and longer and no one seemed to be able to focus on any subject. All that the faculty's residents would talk about turned from lectures and exams to gossip and discussions of the uprising. From why to when, from how to where.
Then, it had seemed like just another underground plan for a protest against the system, which albeit it flawed, Skyfire never thought would be so faulty as to cause a revolution. At least not one leading to a full blown war. He was proven wrong however, as the result of this seemingly unworthy of concern topic had escalated further than what he dated think of. The consequences of it stood bare before him. With every step through the ashes his spark weighed heavier, his system appearing to look even slower than before purely out of how hard it was to comprehend it all.
To think a this happened around him. Without him. Skyfire was well aware he wouldn’t be one to make a difference even if he had been present but some small stupid part of him still felt responsible for all this chaos. If only he hadn’t taken the expedition to Earth. Maybe if he had refused and stayed here at least something could have been different. But he knew living in what if’s was useless. He could not turn back time, not alter the course of destiny, which as it seemed was dim for their world.
His optics snapped to his left. His audial worked to their full capacity as he stood still as a statue. For a klik, all he heard around him was the quiet wind. Then he heard it again. Or rather felt it. Deep, deep down in his chassis where his spark resigned, before the feeling flooded his senses. He closed his servos in fists as he waited, staring at the same pillar from which he heard the noise. A step. Then two. And finally, the same annoyed sigh which he’s heard a thousand times before. One which became such a part of his life that for just a nano-klik, all seemed normal. Like it was back then.
If only it had been this simple to return to the comfort one once had.
“Sight seeing?” Skyfire snapped his gaze up, towards the top of the pillar he had stared daggers into, only for said glare to fall on a familiar faceplate. “I knew you were sentimental but Vos of all places?”
The image of Starscream sitting atop the ruin was one the shuttle was surprised to find didn’t surprise him. He was making the exact same face he’d make during their lectures together, one which screamed boredom borderlining annoyance as he would wait for the professor to finally finish his subject so the two of them can get back to the lab and finish their project, be it personal or for another class. Overtime Skyfire had gotten used to his partner’s short patience and grew to find it amusing. Now, it filled him with a feeling too strong, one which he’d avoid harboring at all.
The seeker didn’t seem amused by the harsh gaze glued to him, if anything it seemed to not phase him at all, as if it was something he was used to have sent his way. But when he figured the Autobot didn’t seem keen on talking, his dermas tugged upwards into a sly grin.
“Not in the mood to talk, Skyfire? You were always one to respond to my quips.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Do you?” The amusement crackling through Starscream's field only made Skyfire's servos tightened. Blue optics followed every move the seeker made as he slowly rose from where he stood, only to gracefully use his boosters and lower himself to the ground. Just a couple of meters distance was left between them. “I’d figure you’d have at least a few comments to make. How do you like being back on Cybertron? Brings back memories, doesn't it?”
The taunting was getting through to the shuttle, but he kept his wits at bay. At least for now he had to. He couldn’t risk getting into a fight, be it verbal or physical. It was stupid enough of him to come here when the Autobots needed all the help they could get, bickering was the last thing he needed.
“I find it ironic how you’re the one bringing up the past whilst being a part of the reason for the present.” His voice was low, collected as his optics relaxed enough for him to seem unphased. It didn’t make the smirk practically shoved in his face falter however.
“It’s called evolving. Adapting. You’re one to know this from experience.”
“Do not compare me to yourself.”
“You’re saying that as if it’s an insult.”
“I do not wish to destroy everything I see for the mere false hope of achieving something that no longer exists.”
“And what is that?”
“If I remember correctly the whole revolution started on the hope of equality. I do not see such a thing being relevant to your morals anymore.” For a mere nano-klick the smirk on Starscream's face seemed to shrink at the words. Then, following a small silence, the seeker scoffed.
“Morals achieve nothing.” Starscream's voice was low, calm. Unnervingly so. “The world works different now, Sky. You cannot fight the fact that no matter how hard you try the only difference you can make is one fought for. Your own leader thinks so, as did mine.”
“Is this really worth fighting for? What is it that you wish to achieve anymore? Power? There is nothing else left for you or your fraction to fight for other than for energonsport.” Red optics rolled as Starscream was slow to turn around, the light of the Earth’s sun shining a light to the Decepticon insignia on his wings. Swallowing his dissatisfaction with the situation, Skyfire's voice turned weak. Almost mournful. “The Starscream I knew would’ve never thought of doing the atrocities you’ve committed just for the sake of it.”
“Don’t act like you know me. The bot you knew died long ago.” Quick on his pedes, Starscream turned to face the shuttle again, this time meeting a somber look with a frown. “This is war, Skyfire. Like it or not, bots change, and there is nothing you can do about it. Do not act like I didn’t give you a chance, I did, and you once again proved you’re not one to be trusted.”
“Just because I do not condone the act of killing innocent beings for my own personal benefit that makes me a traitor?”
“You left me. You’re more capable than you show, and if you had actually tried, you could’ve gotten out of the mess you got your sorry aft into all those cycles ago all by yourself. Yet you abandoned me, left me to wander half the globe of this pathetic little planet like a fool, left me to think you died. And once I did find you, you left again like I was just anyone.”
It wasn’t true. Starscream knew that, and he knew Skyfire did too. None of them could’ve predicted the accident, the winds strong enough to separate them. It was a low blow to put Skyfire at fault for what happened. But he couldn’t allow himself the truth, not when it would cost him his strength.
“Don’t you dare place the blame on me, if I had known a storm of this caliber was to hit Earth I would’ve never even considered accepting the expedition let alone letting you come with me and you know that.” Despite the few steps being taken towards him and the rise in the shuttle's volume, Starscream stood his ground, optics rising to keep his gaze locked on Skyfire's. He was getting to him. Good. Maybe then he’ll learn.
“There you go again, pretending like you know me so well, you know nothing of the bot I've become! The Starscream you remembered was buried the nano-klik you allowed yourself to be taken out. You always were like this. Foolish… Delusional enough to think you know everything there is to know when infact you know nothing.” Starscream's dents gritted at the end before a cruel smile eased on his face. His gaze turned mocking, savoring the slight gimps of unease shining through behind Skyfire's optics. "You're a coward living in the past."
"Maybe. But at least I know what I'm fighting for instead of putting the blame for my own misery on someone else and pretending I'm owed something. " Towering above him, any other bot would falter in their advantage before Skyfire. But the Decepticon knew just how to just his buttons, exactly what to say and how to say it to get the reaction he wanted and he knew his partner never resort to violence. Not unless necessary.
That's why Starscream knew he couldn't back down. He needed to push and push and push until Skyfire breaks. He had to learn what it took to survive in the world they lived in, one way or another. His moral compass was something admirable back then but here and now it was a death wish. The seeker had his fair share of witnessing death in action before his very optics and one thing most of the bots he saw go out had in common was exactly this. This false hope of thinking there's something to be done without resorting to killing or torture, that there was a peaceful way out of this Pit. Something burned cannot be brought back just because you wish on a star, and nor can the lives this war took be sparked back to life just because one singular bot refused to fight.
"I'm fighting because I am owed something!" He doubled down. His voice turned louder." Both of us are! But you're too blinded by your outdated sense of righteousness and pathetic morals to see the truth! The Autobots, Prime himself, they're the reason this whole conflict started to begin with yet you still took their side instead of mine! Mine! The mech you've known since before the beginning, the one you swore to stand beside no matter what, the one who stood up for you anytime you could not stand for yourself! You made me believe you're not going to abandon me no matter how many mistakes I make and yet you chose those scraps of metal over me the nano-klik you saw them!"
Starscream was getting off point. He couldn't let down his defense now, he could see Skyfire was close to cracking. There was no use of trying to get him to see his point, but maybe if he twisted the words around in his favor…
Taking a quiet invent in, his expression turned angry again, optics anguished and accusing. "You reap what you sow, and I'm to be given liberation. Whether I have to kill for it or not I will get what I was promised all those cycles ago, while all you did was run away and hide like a coward!"
"Do you think I wanted this?" The quietness of Skyfire’s voice was something unexpected, causing Starscream to falter just a little. He watched the shuttle's faceplate twist in something he could not place a name for as his voice slowly grew in volume. "You think I let this happen because I wanted to hide? I never asked to be chosen for the expedition. I never asked for the storm, I never asked to be separated from you and I damn well never asked to be brought back in the middle of this mess!"
One step forward and three steps back as Skyfire’s anger rose with every word he spoke. The seeker tried to keep some distance despite his processor telling him to keep pushing. The sight of his partner this rage filled was something foreign and while he knew he could use this to get the upper hand, Starscream found his voice box unable to function. For the truth Skyfire spoke had struck him, confirming both his biggest regret and fear. He was left to listen to every word bitting into his paneling as the shadow of his former lover loomed over his whole frame.
"For all the cycles I've know you you were always one to think of yourself like you had something to prove and I admired that in you." Skyfire began again, voice dipping lower but keeping it's edge. "For so long I was inspired by your courage to take on anything sent your way and thrive in the afterglow of your success. But now the only thing you've proven is just how cruel and selfish you have become."
The words hit like a blast sent one after another, burning his insides and causing his tank to tighten and turn. Skyfire’s own expression of disbelief, anger and anguish only fueled this feeling.
He still stayed quiet.
"At first I couldn't believe what the Autobots told me. Of the- the horrors you've done, I couldn't imagine you hurting an insect yet somehow you were sparkless enough to kill in cold energon and be left unphased by it!" At last, Starscream's spinal strut hit the pillar he had sat upon just nano-kliks prior, left to stand between the cold metal and the ominous form of the one he once called dear, now spitting words like venom sent his way.
"You knew me before all of this, you knew I'm not a fighter, you knew my spark better than I did myself and yet you still brought me back from stasis at a time you knew I wouldn't be able to process nor be able to live in! For what?! Some sick, twisted sense of comfort? Or was it to use as payback for your stupid attempt at believing yourself that I would actually, on my own free will, abandon you like you accuse me I did?!"
"I told you to stop acting like you know me, you know nothing about who I am!" Starscream gritted the repeating phrase through dentas as he sent a weak glare at his conjux. Though by now he might as well be just another bot, as much as his spark ached at the thought. It was hard enough trying to keep his field close enough for Skyfire to not see through his facade.
Starscream knew he was right and he knew he was selfish by waking him up. Skyfire was someone who wouldn't take brute force even as a last resort yet he had brought him back in the middle of a war he could not escape from. One he had no place nor part in. All because Starscream found him. He had found him after so many cycles, found the one mech who truly ever understood and gave a frag about him after he had been convinced he'd perished with no trace, left him behind to wander the world in his absence. It was cruel, too cruel even for a bot titled Second in Command to the Decepticon cause.
For a kind spark such as Skyfire to be awaken in a time so drastically different from what he remembered, be forced to be armed and used in a conflict he had no part in might as well be torture. Just because Starscream needed a fleeting nano-klik of comfort he knew he'd get from the shuttle, only to sabotage it once again when the mech he knew acted like Starscream knew he would. Skyfire would've never joined the Decepticons. Even from the start he had expressed his opinion on the uprising and despite he himself being a victim of the Council's discrimination he wasn't built to take on a firearm and fight for his rights with actions instead of words. Didn't have it in his spark.
Yet with the war, with all the change and the whole bravado Starscream had to put up every single cycle of his functioning leading to this point… The nano-klik his optics fell on the all too familiar edge of white wings peaking through the ice he had felt hope.
For the first time in what seemed like an endless waiting he felt his spark shine brighter. He had found him. After so, so long they were together once more. Fate, Primus himself, had brought Skyfire back to him in one of his lowest nano-kliks as what it seemed at the time a strange pick me up.
All this time, all this fighting and terrors he had endured, the monster he forced himself to become so he can survive, all of this he did in the name of the shuttle. He had fought for the right to be seen as something more than just an inconvenience like they were shunned to believe they were back at the academy. To prove he wasn't deserving of the glares and insults sent their way, that they too were equal just like everyone else, exactly like how Megatron promised the resilience would accomplish. It wasn't his fault that war corrupted him the way it did, but he never argued himself innocent either.
And finding Skyfire again had been the second best and absolutely worst thing that could've happen. The first, was finding out he was still functional.. and thus waking him up in this hell. Had he found a corpse he would've been given peace, knowing that at long last he was finally sure of what happened to the one he one day dreamed to explore the endless universe with.
Bringing him to life might as well be the biggest sin Starscream's ever committed.
He forced himself to focus on his own pain in that moment. Of spending countless joors looking for his partner, scanning every crevice and opening he stumbled upon only to be met with the disappointment of failure. The long, agonizingly quiet flight back to Cybertron, using the last rations of energon he had left. Or explaining what happened to his partner to the Academy, continuing to study in a quiet lab which felt suffocating with moments lost in time. The memory of Skyfire haunted him for cycles, even after he had joined the Decepticons. The worst part was how he'd, at some small, stupid moments, forget that he no longer could walk inside their dorm and complain about another long lecture which consisted of stuff he already knew and have someone listen and scoff a familiar laugh at his annoyance that would immediately bring up his mood. Instead he was met with silence as his optics would fall on the empty berth and a room left frozen in time.
"Do you seriously believe you can escape this?" His voice was weak as he began, though it slowly found its volume. "Even if i hadn't found you or brought you back you would've still learned about the war. You'd seen the state of Cybertron, you can't fight the fact that no matter what I might have done you couldn't escape the truth! At least you have the chance to fight for it yet you still do nothing but sulk on the past!"
"But I could've missed seeing the bot you've become!"
Several beats of silence followed, spent in Starscream taking in the words while Skyfire was left to try and collect himself all over again. Venting heavy from his outburst, the shuttle tried to locate the will to speak but couldn't find it in himself to do so. All he could see and register was the stoic expression on the seeker before him. A face he knew all too well to be nothing but a mask rather than what he truly felt.
"I won't apolagize to you for doing what I had to to survive." The words were cruel, spoken like acid burning through his insides. But the seeker could see they were getting under Skyfire's paneling. "I have killed, and I still will. I don't feel remorse or guilt like you do. If you had been in my place you'd have done the same."
"You know I wouldn't have."
"And that's why you'll perish. You're soft, you refuse to see the world for what it is and that will cost you your spark. For someone so intelligent you're an idiot believing words are stronger than firearms." Silence, for a good while followed. The warm air of the once lively city of seekers was quiet as it moved around them, thought the cracks of the old, now left to rot and be washed away by time itself.
Starscream wished to believe what Skyfire said. What he believed. That this truly could end if both sides just listened… But it was never that easy was it? Not when Megatron's corrupted mind was only focused on ruling everything and anything there was to own, and thus bestowing those same believes to anyone that followed him. Had Starscream been in charge, maybe things could've been different.
Unfortunately, even if he did get in a position of control, there was no point in bringing back old values. Not when the world they wished to fix was no longer salvagable. And it wasn't like anyone would listen to him, nor that he'd stay a leader long enough.
All he could do now was do his best to survive and take out Megatron. Even if it was the last thing he ever did, Starscream couldn't afford any distractions.
Couldn't afford Skyfire.
The blast had been redirected before he could react in time, the shuttle having pushed his gantlet thus the nullay attached to it to point at their feet. It had been fast, the little dance they did. Starscream ducking to avoid Skyfire's free hand reaching out to grab him, the Autobot moving just enough to avoid another hit sent his way. Distance grew between them and so did the ringing in his ears as the seeker tried so desperately to mute his partner's pleas while trying to shoot him down. He couldn't afford distractions. Not this one. Not when he was so close.
"Fight me! Why won't you fight?!" The static of his voice echoed around the ruins of his home, weapon firing and leaving more damage to the background while doing his best to not point the nullay down and let it go quiet. No. Instead he kept shooting, albeit it the lowest setting he had but Skyfire didn't know that. That was the only mercy Starscream would allow himself to show.
Another shot, this time leaving a mark on white wings. Size was one of Skyfire's advantages but also a downside. If he was big, that meant he's heavy, slow. Speed was crutial to survival. Starscream shot again, hitting the mechanism of his opponnent's knee.
A choked gasp traveled up the shuttle's throat as his knee gave out, almost falling over but finding his balance again just before he went face first into a rusted wall. This was insane. He wasn't going to fight Starscream out of all bots. No, not him. He barely had the strength to not puke his insides out at the thought of just carrying a weapon, let alone using it on him. "Star, stop this!"
"Fight!" His arm still raised, the barrel of his firearm already lighting up with another blast, which hit its target in the shoulder. "Stop acting like a coward!"
"I'm not fighting you!"
"You want to, and you know it!"
"I don't!"
"Not after all I've done?!" Another shot. Somehow, it barely missed. Starscream stepped closer. "Maybe you don't get the whole picture yet. I'm a Decepticon, Skyfire. No longer am I the little seeker who stood up for you to the grounders, not longer is there a reality in which you and I can fool around in the labs without a care in the world, I have killed mechs for just looking at me the wrong way." Another step, one more mark left. Skyfire's vents hitched. Starscream almost faltered.
Almost.
"You can't change me or convert me back to the person I was. You can't take the war out of me, and the only way to take me out the war is to kill me!"
"I won't."
"You will. It's you or me and I know you're scared of death. Your system won't let you even imagine what it would be like!" As those words left his lips the front of the seeker's pedes were just mere inches away from the huddled form of Skyfire. His knee had been in good enough condition to stand but with the added weight of his whole frame it gave out just after the last shot.
It was a sparkbreaking picture. Seeing the bot he used to share dreams and a berth with shrunk in himself trying to avoid being hurt. By Starscream himself nonetheless. He always told him to take pride in his size and never try to make himself smaller just to make other comfortable, yet here he was. He needed to fight back, otherwise Starscream might not make it through and show mercy for the sake of his spark. Every shot he fired and hit was like one five times stronger had been fired at his own chasis. Starscream couldn't allow himself to be gentle, no matter the circumstances.
Lowering his nullay, he took another approach.
"Back then. When I found you. You asked me if i liked being a warrior better than being a scientist. My answer was honest. For all that it's worth being truthful nowadays. I think it's time you let me ask the question." The softness of his voice made Skyfire open his optics again. Those almost unreal blues met scarlet with millions of questions and no answers behind them.
Leaning in just a little closer, enough for Starscream's wings to block view of anything else there was to see from the background of dead Vos. "Do you prefer being a pupped used as a moving morgue rather than an explorer…? Perhaps you do… The feeling of spilled energon painting your panels, knowing that if you took just long enough one more bot would die because of you. Does it send a thrill through your processor?"
"No." Skyfire shook his head, staring at his old partner as if he had gone mad, which he might as well have, suggesting such insanity.
"Excitment then? Does it make you feel powerful, that for once in your life you actually make a difference?-"
"No!" Starscream didn't stop.
"-Or are you still trying to believe yourself innocent when in fact you're getting off on having the fate of someone's life in your servos?"
The hand around his throat was big, almost too big to wrap around the cables properly, let alone fit in the space between Starscreams healm and his chasis, but it's hold was firm and angry. So was the first connecting to his mandible, the pain shooting through his faceplate with every massive hit of raw power.
The first couple of hits had been hard enough for the seeker to need a nano-klik and realize what had happened, digits instinctively crawling at Skyfire's digits still squeezing his intake tight enough for numerous warning windows to pop up in his vision. Behind all of which stood the tormented face of his dear shuttle, servo raising and falling to connect with Starscream's faceplate over and over and over again. His gaze was distant, as if he was no longer in Vos or in his frame at all, letting his system act on it's own. There was desperation mixed with anger in his field, refusing to let him break out of his trance like state until he made Starscream shut up.
Said bot couldn't help the smile that broke out on his energon smeared face even as another blow hit him square in the nose ridge, denting the plating. "Yes! That's what I'm talking about! Hit me! Give it your all!" Despite his frame's struggle to break free, Starscream did nothing more than trash under the shuttle as he took another punch.
Finally, Skyfire was growing a backplate! He was actually fighting back! The punches weren't as hard or coordinated as they could've been but the weight of his servos was enough to cause pretty bad damage already. All it took for him to finally let go of his pathetic restrains was for someone to hit the right button and he went feral. Slag, he might actually do even more harm to his voice box with the strength of which he was holding Starscream down!
He wasn't even sure what he was yelling anymore, it was becoming a blur of the noise of broken metal and loud encouragements for the shuttle to hit more, faster, harder!
However, the more he seemed to yell at Skyfire to keep going, show him he was built for this after all… the punches kept getting weaker. He though it might be his sensors failing. They haven't done that before and he has taken his fair share of punches before but never had they gotten so damaged as to malfunction. But this wasn't any other bot, this was Skyfire! He was twice, maybe even three times, the size of all the other bots Starscream's fought.
The smile on his face only faltered when he felt a drop land on his cheek. A small, warm drop of liquid which moved around the dents and scratches of his face and down between the trembling digits Starscream kept wrapped around his throat. He needed a few nano-kliks to blink away the fuzz of static and get the small amount of energon leaking from his optical ride out of his vision. It was then that he saw why the hits suddenly stopped.
Skyfire, his beautiful, sweet and always gentle Skyfire stood trembling above him, energon smeared all over his hand and eyes squinted in disgust and confusion as to how and why he let Starscream's words get to him, how he got to this point. He looked completely broken and the small wet trail down his cheek wasn't helping to surpress the guilt rising in the seeker's tank. He had the same expression he did when Starscream first shot him, back in the Arctic. And Primus did it hurt the same way it did then.
"Why?" The question was shaky. Scared, worried as it fell past Skyfire's dermas and settled in Starscream's audials. "Why do you want us to fight so bad? Hadn't you have enough of the fights?!"
He has. But the cards weren't in his favor. Never were, so why would they be now?
The state to which Starscream had drove his lover to was devistating to witness. The calm and collected mech he knew now looked ready to crumble on top of him like the buildings which once were now nothing but relics around them. He always hated when the larger would have this look on his face, one of pure helplessness. Like he was ready to surrender even with how much it hurt him to do so. It was one of the things that made Skyfire himself…
And as much as Starscream craved to reassure him, say something that might make the situation any less horrid for both of them, give him the comfort he knew Skyfire needed, he forced himself to bring back that feeling of disguist at the sight of the shuttle's softness.
With his smile gone and his gaze turning numb once more, the Decepticon didn't make a move to get out from under his enemy.
"You're still weak."
And weak he was. For he seemed to accept the fact he had lost the fight when the nullay's full power blast sent him backwards and off Starscream's frame, knocking him unconscious. Vos grew quiet again, only the noise of Starscream letting his gantlet fall back by his side rustling in his audials as he stared at the stars above with damp optics.
He was left to his thoughts, with the only presence being his once closest friend and biggest love laying still and injured just meters away. And yet with all the quiet, everything he could think of and all the time he had to do so, only one thing occupied his processor.
He hated the war.