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It was storming outside so Chuuya let Dazai in when he unexpectedly knocked on his door earlier in the night. As much as he could not stand the man, Chuuya could not let Dazai stay out in the rain when he had already walked there. What intentions did Dazai have for being here this late at night anyways? Chuuya had wondered but decided not to dwell on that for too long at that moment. Instead, he was more concerned about the state the tall bony man was in. He looked anxious, withered, and soggy from his travels. As much has he did not want to admit it to himself, Chuuya cared about Dazai so he did what he could to help him.
Chuuya ushered the taller man inside as he mumbled a disgusted "ugh" under his breath. Dazai was stiff as a board when he practically got pulled inside the the front door of Chuuya's town home. He was uncharacteristically nervous, and felt so around his partner of all people; the two men had recently reunited after all.
Dazai had only been drinking a little when he mustered up the courage to go to Chuuya's home. Despite only being tipsy at best when he made the decision to trek out in the heavy rain, he quickly sobered up when he found himself standing outside the front door of the man he yearned for and missed so dearly. Despite being separated for four years, Dazai never stopped missing Chuuya. Was Dazai there to admit that to him? Why exactly was Dazai there?
"What are you doing here, mackerel?" Chuuya interrogated Dazai after quickly shutting the door after Dazai had entered.
Dazai was standing not far from the entrance, sopping wet as a puddle had formed underneath him on Chuuya's oak floors. For once, he was utterly speechless. He was internally debating whether to make a shitty joke to cope or if he should swallow his pride and tell Chuuya how he really felt. For once, the latter won and the only logical explanation was because he was standing in front of his other half that he chose to hide from for years. He was ashamed and embarrassed quite frankly. Luckily, his overthinking was interrupted by the man he came to see.
"You have nerve being here, let alone at this hour, you know." Chuuya said sternly but there was a hint of sympathy in his voice. It sounded soft almost as if Chuuya had wanted Dazai there in front of him, like he was longing to see Dazai again after holding his hunting knife to his throat the last time they encountered each other. Despite acting like he did not want Dazai there, it was just a facade and Dazai was all he could think about since discovering he was actually alive. However, it was to be determined as to how well the other man was doing, and by the looks of it, he acted unlike his usual confident self.
"I was in the neighborhood…" Dazai unconvincingly spoke.
"Bullshit." Chuuya interrupted. "You're telling me in four years this is the first time you happened to be 'in the neighborhood' when you never even left the city? HA!" He quickly become heated and annoyed. He wanted nothing more than to call his guest out on his bullshit. It was late, he was tired, and he wanted to go to sleep. But now, Chuuya had to deal with the man who's sudden disappearance was responsible for many sleepless nights all those years ago. "I thought you were dead, Dazai." He counter-argued more seriously.
Dazai froze, finding a way to collect his thoughts but only a few words were able to make it out of his mouth. "I… missed you." Dazai whispered. "I missed you so much". Chuuya's expression changed, his mouth agape and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He was caught off guard by those words. After processing what Dazai said, a blush crept across his face. All irritation had quickly faded and now he was the one who had froze in place.
Dazai began again. "From the day I left, I never stopped missing you. I so badly wanted to bring you with me, but I couldn't. I had to do this alone."
"I would have went with you." Chuuya responded softly, without making eye contact.
"I know." Was all Dazai responded with. Despite still being soaked from the rain outside, Chuuya pulls Dazai in tight and it feels like he will never let go. Dazai returns the embrace and plants a kiss on top of Chuuya's fiery red head. Chuuya does not even know when the tears began to lightly fall down his cheeks while his face was buried into Dazai's chest. That kiss is what broke him though, the tears began to flow steadier and he started to sob as he was too mentally and physically tired to hold back. "I missed you too, you idiot", is all he could say between sobs.
The two of them stood like that in each others' arms for a while. Long enough for the grandfather clock in Chuuya's living room to strike 12 am. They were interrupted by a yawn from Chuuya and they finally releases their grasp on each other. "Lets go dry off." Chuuya commands, having realized they are now both damp clothes, faces, and all.
---///---
Dazai was waiting for Chuuya in the bedroom, thoughts racing and unsure if he had overstayed his welcome. Even though he had just confessed how much he missed his partner, there was still more that was on his mind that needed to be let out. Despite having said "I missed you", what Dazai really wanted to say was "Not a single day went by where I did not wish you were by my side". Being away from Chuuya for so long only made him realize how deeply in love he was with him and needed him like he needed air. He always loved Chuuya, and he wondered if Chuuya felt the same way.
Then, it had dawned on him; Dazai had kissed Chuuya. Even if it was a small peck on the top of his head, surely that was acceptable given the situation. It was more-so meant to be a comforting kiss that meant "I'm here now, you're ok". Maybe that was the exact message Chuuya got from the kiss? He did have an intense reaction to it after all.
Dazai's overthinking was suddenly interrupted once again by Chuuya as he finally made his way into his bedroom. Dazai had been sitting in a decorative armchair in the corner of the room, adjacent from the bed with a brass frame and pristine white sheets.
"You're not in bed yet?" Chuuya questioned. "I said I was only going to be a minute." He stared at Dazai and Dazai looked uncomfortable for some reason. Was it because Chuuya had given him some of Dazai's old clothes he had kept in his closet just in case? They were his own clothes after all.
"I should go… I… have to be at the agency in the morning…" Dazai trails off. He feels like he is not meant to be here. This is too domestic and he does not deserve to be with Chuuya like this, especially so soon.
"… Just get in the bed you damn mackerel." Chuuya deadpanned after what Dazai had just said. He cannot believe the excuses his partner is trying to conjure after their long history together. They have literally been through hell and back together yet in this moment, Dazai tried to avoid sleeping in the same bed as Chuuya.
Dazai was mentally too weak not to listen to Chuuya bark orders at him. He climbed in the bed hesitantly, almost like he was in foreign territory. It was just Chuuya and his bed. But that was the problem, it was Chuuya. He was scared of disappointing the other man again and he could not believe after betraying him like he did, he still trusted Dazai.
Both men were in the bed, laying down and facing each other. Chuuya's bed was big enough that the two could sleep in it comfortably without having to even touch the other but, that did not stop them from being closer than they probably should have been. Unlike Dazai, Chuuya was quick to close his eyes in attempt to sleep. Dazai knew this was going to be just another sleepless night, so what was the point in even closing his eyes? He laid there in silence, watching his partner enter a peaceful trance, one that he never gets the pleasure of seeing him in while he is awake. This had allowed for Dazai to truly study Chuuya's face in a way he never had the opportunity to before. He got to observe the tiny movements of his partner's eyelashes, the little nose scrunches, and most importantly Dazai was able to count all of Chuuya's freckles. He had so many freckles, and Dazai absolutely adored this about him. Unfortunately, these observations where only making Dazai's heart ache even more. He needed to tell Chuuya how he felt… after he memorized the location of all of Chuuya's freckles.
An hour of so must have passed when Chuuya began stirring, he was waking up Dazai had realized. Dazai was so enamored by the sight in front of him he did not even bother to stop staring when Chuuya's eyes began fluttering open.
"Why are you staring?" Chuuya asked languidly as he was waking up from a light sleep. He sensed Dazai staring that whole time but it did not bother him. In fact, it made him feel oddly comfortable and content.
"Hmm?" Dazai tried making it sound like he had no idea what the other man was talking about but they both knew this was just another poor attempt at an excuse.
Chuuya easily could have told Dazai to knock it off with the staring, but he did not. He instead pulls Dazai in close again. And Dazai once again returns the embrace.
"What have you been thinking about?" Chuuya asks as it is his turn to rest his head on top of Dazai's.
"You ask too many questions." Dazai responded back somberly.
"You're the one that is always in everyone's business." Chuuya refuted but said with no malice, Dazai however stayed quiet.
It took a moment but Dazai spoke up, when doing so he was not assured in himself. He did however, decide to take a leap of faith, for his own sake.
"I think… I love… you."
It was Chuuya's turn to be speechless. Was he dreaming? That cannot be, he cannot dream. His partner he had spent years mourning had just confessed to him.
It is quiet, just the sound of the clock ticking. Chuuya does not speak but instead he raised his hand to hold Dazai's face and cups his cheek. His thumb gently caressed him until Chuuya raised Dazai's face to meet his own. Dazai let out a small gasp at the action from his partner, his Chuuya. Chuuya then leaned down to gently lay a kiss on Dazai's rough and cracked lips. He moved slowly due to his tiredness, but Dazai returned the kiss once he comprehended what was happening. The two of them kissed for what felt like an eternity. Chuuya's plush lips against Dazai's, honestly the most ethereal pleasure Dazai had ever gotten the chance to experience.
They kissed more and more, needing each other to complete each other. After several moments doing this, Chuuya finally broke apart.
"I love you too, you idiot"