Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Deep scents of parsley, basil and the gentle touch of fresh, just edging on overripe tomatoes filled Kaveh’s kitchen. Musky, dirt-crusted potatoes rumbled in his bag like geodes, and tall sprigs of green shoots poked above the rim. With a sigh, he dumped the heavy bags on the table and began unloading them. Fresh eggs, flour, stock and the smell of clean, green ingredients splayed over his counter. He smiled at them intently.

“Now what soup should I make with you all?” he said, fingering through the food until his eyes settled on a large butternut pumpkin that had been sitting on his counter for a few days, and his mind excited with the thought of a mouthwatering pumpkin soup.

“Butternut pumpkin soup with grained sourdough bread it is then.”

Shrugging off his coat and washing the hours of ink and toil off his hand, he got to work cutting the pumpkin. He rushed through the work, simmering the veggies, and then tossing them into the boiling stock. A rich scent poured out from his kitchen, tossing in turn with the toxic fumes that lingered down the hall and somehow infected his apartment. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to shake the murky smell from his walls. He shoves his nose over the pot, sucked in a deep breath of the warm, rich smell, and groaned loudly.

“Now if only the entire apartment building would smell like this, I wouldn’t have to hold my breath running up the stairs.”

He packed away the dishes and loaded his food scraps into a large bin bag. He swore sometimes he was the only one in the four-story building who cooked for himself. He glanced over at the large pot one last time and walked out into the hallway. He mourned the comforting scent of a good simmering soup as the stench of tired workers and sweaty shoes dumped carelessly outside their doors filled his senses. His face pulled into a sour complaint. There was no ventilation at all in the lower levels of the building, so the smell clung to the walls for years before eventually being washed out by an even worse one.

He strode over to the garbage chute, cringing at the way his shoes sank into the damp carpet. The bag clanked as it fell down the metal chute, and he listened until he heard it expel at the bottom.

“Good evening Kaveh.” A voice said from behind him, and Kaveh whipped around, looking up to see the face of his neighbour, Alhaitham, towering over him.

“Oh, Alhaitham. Hello.” He muttered, stepping aside as Alhaitham shoved his own bags through the greedy mouth of the chute. They both listened in silence as the packages of food and take-away containers crashed their way to the bottom. They both listened in a silence broken only by Alhaitham saying softly, “You’re cooking again, Kaveh. I can smell it from my apartment.” His voice was cold and distant, as it always was when talking to Kaveh, but there was no harsh strain to it. “Always the same, cooking away those soups, and brews and greens.”
Alhaitham scoffed and began to walk back to his front door.

Kaveh scurried after him. “You should really try cooking healthily some time. All that take-away food in your rubbish makes me sick.”

“Do I look like I have the time to cook like that. I’m surprised even you do. You’d think the firm would keep you busier.”

“They keep me very busy, I’ll have you know.” Kaveh defended, his mind faltering back to the many half-drawn drafts that hid in his desk. His wrist ached just thinking about them. “But I prize my health, unlike you it seems.”

Alhaitham stopped at his front door, making a show of opening the door and pulling his headphones back over his ears.

“Whatever you say, Kaveh.”

With one last look, he pulled the door shut, and his deep footsteps faded out into the apartment. Kaveh sighed and wandered back into his own kitchen. The smell wafted over him, and immediately his body relaxed, leaving the hall and the dank smell of reality behind the door. A smile tinged his lips, and he dipped a spoon into the deep, simmering broth. It coated his tongue with a hot lava, deep and rich in flavour. How could Alhaitham not want this?

Placing the spoon on the counter and wiping his hands on the plaid apron, he headed towards his study. The thought of the multiple undrawn pieces haunted his thoughts, the pressure weighing down on his day. But he had to get it done. He sat in the chair and pressed the pencil to paper. Goodness knows how much time had passed, but the sun was gone beneath the horizon and a dull ache ran through his lower back by the time he sketched the last line. The pile of unread emails looming behind his glowing computer screen still lay in want, but that could wait. He pushed himself away from the desk, groaning uncomfortably as he stood and made his way to the kitchen.
The soup was just about ready, peacefully turning over, thickening obediently. He poured himself a bowl.

“Look what poor Alhaitham is missing out on.” he muttered to himself, taking a sip of the soup. He looked over to his window, and the faint sound of music danced through it. Alhaitham probably couldn’t hear it through those stupid headphones. Ridiculous man, cutting himself off from the world, living off dry bread and cold noodles. Kaveh looked down at his soup, suddenly, the large bowl of delicious food made him frown. He thought of Alhaitham locked in the dim light of his apartment, his mind probably filled with the thoughts of even more greasy takeaway food. His frown deepened.

Suddenly, he found himself standing and spooning large amounts of the soup into another bowl. He covered it with some wax wrap and pranced out the door. He approached Alhaitham’s door, the frown returning to his face, doubt beginning to flood his mind. The soup warmed his hands even through the bowl. He thought of Alhaitham eating it. Kaveh quickly banished the hint of dusting blush he felt settle on his cheeks, planting himself square before the door, and rapping on it sharply.

There was a silent pause, and just as Kaveh raised his hand to knock again, Alhaitham’s tired face poked through the doorway. Confusion swallowed his features, and he stared at the bowl in Kaveh’s with eyebrows crossed in confusion.

“Kaveh, what are you doing here? What is that.”

Kaveh looked at the bowl in his hands and thrust it into Alhaitham’s limp grasp.

“It’s the soup, some for you. Eat it, and please avoid that trash take away food for at least one night.”

Alhaitham looked at him with shocked eyes, his mouth lulling in speechlessness.

“For me?”

“Who else for?” Kaveh said, chuckling. He took a step back and smiled widely. “Enjoy it. You can return my bowl whenever you like.”

Alhaitham stood in silence, his face frozen in a state of hilarious shock, as he backed away and returned to his own apartment. Kaveh smiled fondly, returning to his own bowl and breathing in the deep scent. He imagined Alhaitham, through the walls, enjoying the same meal, savouring it and letting the homely smell fill his apartment.

Chapter Text

The bowl burned Alhaitham’s hands as he gripped it tightly, frozen as he listened to Kaveh cheerfully skip back to his apartment. His hallway was suddenly flooded with a magical scent, with rich flavours completely masking the dank smell of the apartment building. He breathed it in deeply; for a moment, his senses were completely overwhelmed by the mouthwatering aroma. It smelt like a warm evening in a dimly lit kitchen, how it felt to be around Kaveh. Kaveh’s smile was bright like the simmering coals of a fireplace, his eyes bright like pathways of sunshine beaming through the window; he made Alhaitham’s heart yearn for that comfort.

Alhaitham looked down at the bowl in his hands. It was large, much too large for one serving, and painted with detailed butterflies along the rim. Alhaitham wondered if Kaveh painted them himself. He knew the other man was an architect, but that’s as far as his information went. Everything he knew about Kaveh was picked up from quirk observations and neighbourly conversations that passed between them in the halls and elevator. But just a glance at Kaveh from across the hall told Alhaitham all he had to know about Kaveh; the way he kept busy, shuffling away behind the thin walls all night, but still had the respect to care for his health, his kindness that left him with the bowl in his arms, the way optimism sparkled in his eyes as if he wasn't wrapped up in gross misery or this disgusting apartment. That was all Alhaitham really had to know—all he had to know to know he loved him.

He took the soup back to the kitchen and peeled off the wrap Kaveh had placed around it. The scent hit him even stronger now. Alhaitham wished he could be enjoying this meal with Kaveh. He looked over to the door, almost contemplating…

No, he pushed the thought from his mind, shovelling a spoonful of soup down his throat. It was hot, but the richness coated his tongue and he didn’t mind. It was such a difference from the plain takeaway noodles he’d been having for the last…well, forever. He didn’t remember the last time he had a beautifully home-cooked meal. So he pushed Kaveh from his mind and took another spoonful, savouring it all.

He poured the leftovers into one of his own bowls and went to tuck Kaveh’s in the dishwasher. He recalled his hand last minute, pulling the bowl back. He didn’t want the paintings to be destroyed by the dishwasher. He donned his washing gloves and cringed as he submerged them in a sink of hot water. He washed it carefully and laid it out to dry, silently excited about the prospect of seeing Kaveh again to return it.

Tomorrow, he promised he would do it, right after work. Kaveh would be home by then. Perhaps they would talk a bit? Alhaitham wondered if he should bring something in return, but seriously decided against that idea, the memory of the last time he had tried to cook surfacing. It had ended with a fire alarm and a horrifically burnt meal. That was about two months before Kaveh moved in, and Alhaitham was glad he was at least spared the embarrassment of his witnessing his plight.

He switched the kitchen lights off and struggled to his room. A tower of books lay in his bedside stand, and he slipped into bed, picking up the topmost one. His headphones pressed comfortably on his ears and he read until midnight. As he switched off his headphones and heard the soft tap of a computer lid closing through ridiculously thin walls. He doubted Kaveh was going to sleep—the deep bags carrying under his eyes told Alhaitham that their owner was in good company with the early hours of the morning, but he was glad at least he’d put the screen away.

Alhaitham’s eyes drifted shut, and he fell asleep to the gentle push of tree branches against his window.

He woke up early the next morning to the blissful sound of cars racing down the street and the bustle of people scurrying up and down the streets in sharp dress shoes. He lay in bed for a moment, holding his breath, seeing if he could find just a moment of genuine silence. Birds' talons scraped along the metal railings that lined the balcony, and echoing from somewhere within the apartment came a loud smashing noise, followed by a yell of frustration.

Alhaitham tied his eyebrows together; the string of curses sounded an awful lot like Kaveh. He wondered if he should go over and check that everything was okay. He held his breath for any other noise. But there was nothing more than the steady thrum of city life, and Alhaitham abandoned that wishful thought.

He rose from bed, and stumbled out of his room. His apartment was small, as bare as the day he’d first unpacked his boxes. There were probably still some unpacked boxes full of books lying about somewhere, rotting after three whole years of lying untouched. He simply didn’t have the care or time to clear them. He settled down in the kitchen, flicking through the pages of a heavy book as he ate quickly. Kaveh would be so disappointed looking down at the two plain slices of toast in front of him. But Alhaitham downed them barely without a taste, and went to get dressed.

The bare walls looked back at him, lonely as he had a shower and got dressed. The paint was flaking off the corners, and water stains ran down the window. It was just as ugly as the rest of the building, perhaps excluding Kaveh’s apartment. He’d been in Kaveh’s apartment once when a particularly large spider had crawled under the door frame and made itself cozy under his bathroom window. Kaveh had been dressed in a loose nightgown, his hair falling around his panicked face, crouching by the door to his apartment. He had practically launched onto Alhaitham as soon as he stepped out of the elevator. In reality, the size of the spider had been the subject of Kaveh’s great exaggeration, but Alhaitham had scooped it up and tossed it out the window, his heart flipping at the thanks Kaveh smothered him with.

Alhaitham’s heart jumped with the memory, the smallest sliver of a smile forcing its way onto his lips as he slipped his headphones over his ears and locked the door behind him. His feelings for Kaveh were a rarely opened box, but he couldn’t help the swell of joy that rose in his heart whenever he did.

He walked over to the elevator. The hallways were empty, but as he approached the elevator doors, he saw Kaveh standing there, his hand impatiently jamming down the button. Alhaitham’s blood froze over, and he immediately came to a halt. Kaveh must’ve sensed his movement, as he glanced over, and broke into a wide smile upon seeing him.

“Good morning Alhaitham!” He beamed. His grin was like the sun, and Alhaitham urged his limb to move forward.

“Good morning.” He nodded back. He stepped in beside Kaveh, and they stood in silence for a moment as the elevator rocked up to their level.

“So…” Kaveh began as a moment passed. “What did you think to my soup? Good, right?”

“It was. I enjoyed it very much.”

Kaveh’s smile blossomed even more, and Alhaitham’s heart swelled.

“I’m so glad because I put in extra, so you could have it tonight as well.”

The doors to the elevator creaked open, and they stepped in. Kaveh leaned forward and pressed the ground floor.

“Thank you,” Alhaitham replied. There was silence again. They jolted as the elevator began to descend. His mind was a frenzy trying to find something to say, but the silence stretched on unbearably until Alhaitham gave up and took to observing the grimy floor instead.

“It was pumpkin, you know. I got the most beautiful pumpkin the other week—that was the one I used.” Kaveh began rambling about the magnificent pumpkin he’d found at the market the week before, and Alhaitham listened to every word until the floor pulled to a stop and they stepped out into the foyer.

“—And isn’t that funny?” Kaveh concluded some story about his lost credit card, looking up to Alhaitham with a giggle on his lips.

“Quite humorous, yes.” He cringed the second the words left his mouth, but Kaveh just laughed. It was such a light, beautiful sound—Alhaithm’s heart longed to reach out to Kaveh and feel that laughter in his chest.

“I always double check my wallet now. I never want to forget, or I might miss out on buying such a nice pumpkin.”

“And surely we wouldn’t want that.”

“No, or you would have had no lovely dinner.” They walked out into the street. Kaveh’s step quickly increased, and Alhaitham hurried to keep up with him. “Next time I find a good one, I’ll make it again. And I will bring some to you.” Kaveh looked around carelessly, talking about some other recipe and making wild gestures.

Alhaitham grabbed hold of Kaveh’s wrist, pulling him to the side as a cyclist veered past. He could feel the pulse of his soft wrist. He caressed his thumb across Kaveh’s skin, his heart rate jumped in his chest, just for a moment before he let him go.

Kaveh continued as if nothing had happened, absent-minded as always, rattling off now that Alhaiham should memorise that recipe. Alhaitham had absolutely no plan of any such endeavour, but he listened vaguely, keeping his eyes trailed on the path ahead, ready to whisk Kaveh away from any approaching cyclists.

“Okay, well, I’ll catch the bus from here.” They came to a halt before a bus stop. Alhaitham saw a large bus approaching in the distance. Kaveh stepped into the small shelter that covered a row of seats, graffiti and crawling flowers decorated the clear sides in a fight of man and nature. “I hope you weren’t too bored with all that talk of recipes, I know you aren’t possibly capable of cooking a thing.” he teased.

A smile tickled Alhaitham’s lips. “Oh, but if I could cook how would I get away with all the wonderfully free meals you dump at my door.”

A blush stole Kaveh’s cheeks, and he looked to the floor. “I only did that once…Don’t make fun of me or I might never do it again.” he said, his voice curled up in a whine. He crossed his arms over his chest, pouting.

“Never, truly, Kaveh. Have an enjoyable day at work.” With that, Kaveh perked right back up and smiled again, sending Alhaitham off with a wide smile as he stepped onto the bus. As it shuttered off in the distant traffic, Alhaitham turned back to the apartment building. He switched his noise-cancelling headphones on, and immediately all the clatter of the streets muffled away. Kaveh’s voice reverberated in his mind as he walked—his smile, his lilted laugh. Alhaitham could not contain the smile that stole his face; he was only grateful he was in the car park, where no one dared to look up at him.

He pulled out his car keys and heard the sharp clicks of his car unlocking in the distance. He had no need to walk down to the bus station with Kaveh every morning apart from the short minutes of Kaveh’s company. Not that Kaveh knew that, of course. Goodness knows the reasons Kaveh believed were responsible for Alhaitham’s short trip there and back. If he even noticed at all, that was probably the more likely option, Alhaitham thought with a chuckle. Quickly locating his car, he drove out of the building and onto the busy roads, where he became lost in the rush of morning traffic.

Chapter Text

Kaveh watched as Alhaitham’s silver hair disappeared around the corner. His eyebrows crossed in curiosity. He wondered why Alhaitham took the time to walk with him all the way to the bus station, only to then go back to the apartment to his car. It certainly wasn’t for the company—it didn’t seem like he listened to a word Kaveh said. There surely couldn’t be any other reason. But without fail every morning, Alhaitham would be there to accompany him.

Kaveh didn’t understand him, but he smiled bashfully, looking to his lap. The bus rocked slowly through the traffic. Kaveh liked to admire the buildings as they passed, seeing the boldly carved rock of ancient ages slowly transform along the side of the road into tall, white buildings, with theatrical glass windows and brightly coloured accents. Their roofs shadowed over the wide roads, rising higher than Kaveh could see out the bus window. Their small gardens were brightly layered with flowers; when the bus pulled to a stop, Kaveh could peer close enough to see the soft fuzz of each individual petal. They were a soft grey colour, almost like Alhaitham’s hair. They were quite tall, just like Alhaitham too, towering over all the other small blossoms in the garden. Kaveh couldn’t fight the flush that grew upon his cheeks as he caught himself in his thoughts. He was sure Alhaitham didn’t stare out his car window in traffic, looking at little flowers that reminded him of Kaveh.

A jolt ran through the bus as the doors opened, and people hurried in. Kaveh looked up, waiting until he spotted a familiar face tap onto the bus. A smile leapt onto his face, and he called out, “Tighnari! Here!”

Tighnari looked up, a smile breaking on his face. The sun caught in his dark hair, lifting the green streaks that ran through it in a bright glow, as he bounced over to the back of the bus and threw himself down by Kaveh.

“Morning Kaveh!”

“Good morning.”

“Okay, small talk done, why are you blushing like that?” Tighnari asked, his voice deadpan compared to the light, cheery tone as he rushed over to Kaveh. The comment enticed only a stronger colour on Kaveh’s cheeks as he pulled his hands up to cover his face.

“I—I’m not blushing, you’re ridiculous.”

Tighnari cackled, dumping his bag onto the floor and turning to face Kaveh fully.

“You’re too pale to hide this from me Kaveh, now please, spill.”

“There is nothing to spill,” Kaveh said, looking out the window as the bus moved on, the garden quickly being replaced by a busy road, and the tiny, grey Alhaitham flowers disappeared. “And I was not blushing.”

“You were, was it that guy I set you up with?”

“What?” Kaveh spluttered, his throat catching in his throat. “No! That guy was so boring, I could barely finish one conversation with him.”

Tighnari crossed his eyebrows, slumping back into the seat. “Who was it then? Oh!” His face grew into a wickedly scary grin, his blue eyes alight with excitement. “Was it that neighbour? You know the one you used to like, what’s his name…”

A rush of heat burned through Kaveh’s skin; he most definitely was blushing now. Any mention of Alhaitham sent his heart into a fight of skips and jumps; he felt his pulse quickly pound through his skin.

“No! Shut up! Not Alhaitham—it was not him, be quiet!”

“Oh, now I know it was! What was it this time? He made fun of your egg slicer as he gallantly walked you to the bus?” Tighnari said, his hand clutched to his chest, his voice laughing with teasing.

“Stop it! He did not do anything…I was just thinking—”

“So you admit it was him! I don’t know what in him attracts you so much. He seems more boring than all of the guys I’ve set you up with together.”

“He is not!” Kaveh jumped to Alhaitham’s defence, his eyes flashing wide. “Alhaitham is not boring! He just doesn’t talk much, at least not yet. He teases me—he has a lot of thoughts behind his eyes, you know.” Everything was flowing out of his mind with no order or sense, but Kaveh was too caught up in his passion to care. Tighnari listened with an amused grin.

“—And I’ll also have you know Alhaitham can be very sweet. And he’s so hot. Oh god, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so hot.”

“Okay, okay, okay.” Tighnari stopped him. “I get it. But I thought you were done with this crush? Didn’t we already establish that Alhaitham wasn’t interested in you?”

Kaveh sighed, bringing his lips together tightly. That was established, he remembered the long nights he’d lie awake with Tighnari’s face illuminated on his phone, venting about how Alhaitham seemed to pick up on none of his hints. At first, he’d thought he was being too subtle, but after a few months, that thought slowly morphed into one of self-doubt, and then eventually into hopelessness.

“I know.” he said.” But yesterday, I just—I brought him a bowl of soup, because you know how bad his diet it. And he looked to surprised, it was so cute…I just…”

“I know, Kaveh. Just don’t get attached he—“The bus jolted and the doors swung open. Tighnari’s sentence hung in the air as he looked up and sighed. “I’ve got to go, but talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay, say hi to Cyno for me when you see him tonight!” Kaveh called out. He could see the tips of Tighnari’s ears go pink as he slipped through the narrow door. He waved to him through the glass before continuing.

He tucked his headphones over his ears and put on a soft classical piece. The music was light, like the fluttering sun over skyscrapers; it cast itself through the window and warmed his cheek. He wondered what Alhaitham was always listening to through his. He was always wearing them, even when they spoke; yet Alhaitham still seemed to acknowledge what Kaveh was saying, in his own special way. Perhaps he turned the music off just for him. He smiled at the thought, and his bus rolled up to work.

Chapter Text

It felt like years had passed before Alhaitham was finally relieved from his duties at the Akademiya. His mind had been scattered all day, absent looking up at the clock, down to his watch, almost counting down the very seconds to when he could race home, and return the bowl to Kaveh. His heart seemed to flush with any thought of Kaveh, sending him into a flurry of thoughtless happiness. It was foolish of him, he supposed, but months of smothering the relentless beating of his heart had done nothing to actually diminish the elicitation of his feelings when he saw Kaveh, so he supposed it would be best just to live with it and hope it eventually died on its own.

When the clock finally fell upon the hour he’d been so long awaiting, he practically sprang up from his chair. He walked out to his car, driving up to his apartment quickly. He ought to stop by the shops and pick up something for lunch tomorrow, but he didn’t care. He wanted to get to Kaveh’s before the other settled down for the night.

His lunches usually consisted of the cheapest takeaway he could locate from the abundant stores scattered about the Akademiya. He could only imagine the expression Kaveh’s face would take if he saw the food he indulged himself in during the day, let alone his evening meals. It was not that Alhaitham particularly enjoyed takeaway food; indeed he found there to be nothing of benefit in the cheap, unhealthy stuff apart from savings. It was not his plan to live in a disgusting apartment building for the rest of his life, and spending hundreds per week on fresh food would just trap him between those grimy walls for longer.

Alhaitham parked his car and dashed up to the elevator. The ride up was silent without Kaveh’s yammering. Alhaitham listened to the thrum of the gears and pulley system until he reached his floor.

His feet dragged as he stepped into the hallway, but the thought of meeting Kaveh there kept his eyes open and mind alert. He did enjoy his job, very much so, but it did prove quite exhausting. He was grateful for his day off the next day, when he could relax into a book.

He crossed the hallway, hesitating as he passed Kaveh’s door. He turned off the noise-cancelling on his headphones. Kaveh should be home by now, and when his shuffling footsteps drifted through the door, Alhaitham couldn’t help a thin smirk steal his lips.

He unlocked the door to his apartment and slipped inside. Quickly abandoning his bag of books and scrolls on the couch, he ran to the bathroom to splash some water on his face, trying to arrange his hair in a manner that looked presentable. The sun was completely set by the time he was back in the hallway, standing before Kaveh’s door, waiting for the frantic beating of his chest to calm before he knocked. He supposed it was an appropriate time; he hoped so.

With one last breath, fingers clutching the bowl closely, Alhaitham rapped his hand sharply against the door.

In the extended moment that followed, Alhaitham tried hard to push down his growing, frantic breath and to soothe the jumping of his heart. The bowl was clammy in his hands.

But eventually he heard the key turn in the door before him, and it swung open. Kaveh stood in the hall, his face upon seeing Alhaitham immediately lifting into a smile rivalling the brightness of the sun.

Alhaitham was sure he blushed—there was no way he wouldn’t have. Kaveh stood before his with his hair swept off his face, a few bright red clips tucking it behind his ears, and a tight pink apron tied with a bow around his waist. His eyes sparkled as they fell on Alhaitham as if there were the brightest spring sunbeams casting through the shadowy apartment hallways.

“Alhaitham!” he cried, wiping his hands on the apron, leaving a light shower of flour dusting on the floor. “What are you doing here?”

Alhaitham offered up the bowl. “I am here to return your bowl from last night.”

Kaveh saw the bowl in his hands and gasped out loud, stretching his own hands to take it.

“Oh, Alhaitham! You didn’t have to do that, I was going to come pick it up myself… and drop off some snacks for you at the same time.”

His cheeks were dusted with pink as he spoke, as faint as the light swatches of flour across his forehead.

“I see my scheme for free meals is working.”

Kaveh’s lips pulled together in a huff. “I am only trying to keep you from rotting away with all that bad food you insist to eat—if anything, you should be thanking me! Why aren’t you thanking me?”

“I was perfectly content with my plain meals now, it is only upon your interest I find myself in this situation.”

“You can just say you’re grateful you know.”

A chuckle slipped between his lips.”I am grateful, surely you know I am.”

“Good.” Kaveh’s lips slid into a smile, thin and sly. “You are incapable of taking care of yourself, we both know it’s left to me.”

Alhaitham felt his heart swell as they fell into their comfortable banter; Kaveh’s face twisted into a victorious grin, a lock of blond hair falling loose onto his cheek, and his own surely in an expression of foolish adoration.

“D—Did you want to come in?” Kaveh asked suddenly. Alhaitham’s words caught in his throat, the jovial banter vanishing from his mind, replaced with the swarming image of Kaveh’s face, urging shy from beneath the joke of their conversation.

“Pardon?” He asked. He had heard his words correctly, indeed, he had. It was perhaps creepy the number of times he’d imagined them. No—he could never miss them, nor the way his heart skipped up in his chest, catching on Kaveh’s face and lurching loose.

He waited with breath balanced on the edge of his tongue for Kaveh to take it back, push him away.

“Come in. Would you like to? I have just finished baking some scones, you can come in and try some? They were the snacks I would have dropped by at yours tomorrow anyway.”

The words were like an electric pulse through his veins; his heart began to beat incredibly fast, thrumming through his shirt.

“I can spare a bit of time.”

“Good!” Kaveh smiled, holding the bowl up and ushering Alhaitham in. “Take off your shoes, put them there by the door.”

Alhaitham bent down to remove his shoes as Kaveh scurried off, the sound of his slippers rubbing against the wooden floors pouring endearment over Alhaitham. It was stupid, but he hung back for a quick moment to admire their shoes placed beside each other, just as if Alhaitham had got back from a long day at work, and Kaveh was waiting in the house to greet him.

Gods, he had to stop this infatuation.

“Well don’t just hang by the door! Come inside fully.” He heard Kaveh cry from the kitchen. The oven’s beep rang through the apartment, and Kaveh gasped lightly, shoes shuffling as he apparently ran to it.

Kaveh’s apartment was just as Alhaitham remembered it to be, bright and homely. The delectable scent of baked goods wafting through the carpeted halls and across the drifting curtains over the window in the living room. Long sheets of blueprint lay across the desk, Kaveh’s flowery scrawl covering the pages. A pile of unopened mail sat on his glazed wood coffee table, a little trinket weighing them down. Mirrors lined the walls, expanding the rooms through their ornate frames; Alhaitham peered into one and chuckled, seeing Kaveh smile at him through the reflection.

“Do you like that mirror?” He asked, bouncing over to Alhaitham.

“It is quite nice for this room.”

“I’m glad you think so.” He ran his finger along the gilded carvings that ran outside the glass. “I bought this one at a flea market out by—“

Alhaitham phased out Kaveh’s ranting practically as soon as he opened his mouth. He didn’t have a care in the world for which flea market Kaveh picked up his mediocre mirror from; all he cared for was the passion that glowed in Kaveh’s eyes as he spoke about the piece. His hand flashed wildly around his face, mad gestures, his eyes flicked around, sparkling with intent. Alhaitham smiled.

“Why are you smiling?” Kaveh suddenly whined, snapping his fingers before Alhaitham’s face. His consciousness rushed back into his mind as he raised his head, meeting Kaveh’s eyes. “It’s not funny! I almost got robbed! Are you even listening?”

“You see Kaveh, for me to listen the story would actually have to be interesting,” Alhaitham replied, the words drawing across his mouth like a smirk. The way Kaveh’s face curled up in offence squeezed his heart in guilty tenderness. He loved to see the passion of Kaveh’s expression, whether from happiness or anger, the fire burned of the same root.

“Why are you so mean? I don’t even know why I’m giving you scones.”

“That is a question to the both of us.”

Kaveh rolled his eyes. “They’re on the table, come on.”

Adverting his gaze to the table, where coils of smoke entwined with the rich scented air, rising from a tower of crumbling scones. Kaveh had lathered jam along the edge of the plate, and a small bowl with cream sat aside the plate, the steam floating about it, slowly melting it into a while sort of sludge.

“Eat one. Tell me if you like them, they’re made with cheese. You aren’t allergic to dairy, are you?”

“I am not.” Alhaitham accepted the small saucer hanging from Kaveh’s hands; it was rounded at the circumference, painted in a blue as light as the midday sky, speckled with small red flowers, with long petals like the hair clips that managed Kaveh’s hair.

“Good. So, tell me your opinions. It’s a new recipe. I’m still trying to perfect it.”

The scone Alhaitham picked up crumbled along the tablecloth. The jam was warmed with its extruding heat by the time it touched his lips.

“So I was your test subject, was I?”

“No!” he cried. “Don’t be ridiculous just eat it.”

Alhaitham took a bite. The flavour washed across his tongue, fluctuating his senses before he could gain a mind to prepare himself. The jam was sweet—perhaps Kaveh made that too. Alhaitham obviously loved it, but more so was the look Kaveh gave him as he ate. His eyes rose, watching Alhaitham’s expression for any flicker of enjoyment—or displeasure. Alhaitham checked his face, maintaining his lips in a thin line, and eyes taunt, angled to the floor, just for the flush of impatience from Kaveh.

“So?” he insisted, not giving Alhaitham a moment to compose his thoughts. Alhaitham smiled internally, a joy that bloomed over his chest; Kaveh was a wonderful cook, anyone who’d eaten at his house could assure you of that, indeed none of his compliments would have any meaning other than to cause the external blush of red sugar on his cheeks. But to Alhaitham it was Kaveh’s expression, waiting on Alhaitham’s words, that he savoured; it was his scent, lemon and waxy butter; it was the sensation of home rooting in his chest. The care Kaveh offered to him, treasured and planted in his heart like seeds, but sorrowful, because he knew they would never grow.

“It is edible, at the least.” he said.

Kaveh let out an exasperated whine.

“Come on, Alhaitham. You ate it all. Was that at least some good sign? It was a new recipe, now is not the time for teasing. I really need to know.”

He tore the crumbed saucer from Alhaitham’s hands, and loaded it up with his own scone. He bit into it, his face crumbling into concentration as he chewed.

Alhaitham watched closely, just for the flutter of his lashes, and for his tongue, sneaking across his plump lips, picking up the crumbs that clung to his mouth.

“It’s a bit flavourless,” he paused.“And you cannot taste the cheese as much as I’d hoped. I suppose you were right.” Alhaitham’s heart fell into a flurry of panic when Kaveh’s face flopped into disappointment. He dropped the saucer onto the table; his lips pressed into a frown, and his eyes, so brightly sparkling with anticipation, became quickly shielded by the hazy dimness of failure.

Alhaitham opened his mouth, but words abandoned him. He searched for anything to say to Kaveh, but the pounding of dread in his heart drowned any offering out. A hot wire curled around his chest seeing Kaveh like this—burning through him. Kaveh turned away, brushing his fringe over his eyes. They were red, and he blinked furiously, trying to clear the tears that grew sheen in them. Oh Gods, Alhaitham’s entire being grappled in torture.

“Kaveh…” he muttered, drawing his gaze towards him again. He saw the flush across Kaveh’s cheeks with the effort of denying the emotions building in him. “Kaveh, come now, I was speaking in jest. They are very enjoyable scones, do not worry.”

Kaveh’s eyes broke to the floor once more, sulking his posture, and he began to collect the dishes from the table.

“Kaveh.”Alhaitham insisted. Kaveh looked up, responding to the sharp edge of his tone. “Do not be so hard on yourself, the scones are quite lovely.”

“But they aren’t. They have none of the flavour I intended, they aren’t as good as the batch I made last week.”

“Oh, Kaveh. Please do not turn on yourself like this.” Kaveh looked at him, wholly captured by Alhiatham’s words. He did not attempt to dissuade the admiration folding through his expression, or the galaxies of light in his eyes. Alhaitham’s heart glowed—it latched onto Kaveh’s soul and spoke in ways it knew Kaveh would hear. “That last batch has no need to be the same as this one.”

“But they are the same recipe, they have to have the same flavour throughout the batches.”

“That is why you continue cooking until you have perfected the recipe.” Alhaitham said.

“But—“

“Don’t refute me, Kaveh. You may perfect the recipe later. Please stop concerning yourself over things so ill significant to us.”

“But—“

“No. No, Kaveh, no more talk of such things. Here,” he retrieved the plate of scones from Kaveh’s hands, where it weakly hung.” I shall help you clean this up.”

“Okay.” Kaveh whispered, his voice low. Alhaitham felt his eyes on his back as he walked to the fridge and slipped the scones in. He then followed with the dishes of cream and jam, tucking them away into the dishwasher, and shut the unused plates and cutlery into the shelves.

Kaveh watched him intently, not helping, and never moving. But Alhaitham didn’t mind. His skin prickled pleasantly with the touch of his gaze.

“Thank you.” He heard Kaveh whisper. Alhaitham released his smile, letting it phase over the thin line of his lips only because he was facing a wall. He quickly checked his expression to turn back to Kaveh.

“It is no issue, Kaveh. Just do not be to harsh. You are improving, okay? No need for the results to be the same while you are practising, otherwise what’s the need?”

Kaveh nodded, his eyes fixed on the floor. Alhaitham took his hand and patted it quickly, smiling warmly as Kaveh’s breath shuddered. He dropped his hand quickly, wrapping away the wave of emotions the touch created deep in his mind.

“Now.” Alhaitham declared, his voice raised, drawing Kaveh’s gaze up towards him. “The next time you make these scones, bring one to me. I’ll tell you they’re fine just as they are.”

Kaveh’s lips blossomed into a coy smile, creasing the corners of his cheeks until little craters dipped in his soft skin.

“I’ll be going now. I have quite overstayed my welcome.” Alhaitham said before the tremor he felt running through his heart could reach out in his voice. Kaveh nodded, albeit reluctantly, and began towards the door. Alhiatham followed, putting his shoes on and stepping into the hall. Immediately, he was overcome by the chill of the icy hallways; he fought not to screw up his nose at the musty scent that washed away any memory of Kaveh’s sweet, warm cooking. Kaveh stood in the doorway, a smile crowning his face. Alhaitham wished he could step back into the apartment and wrap his frame up in his arms, and feel the architect's warm cheeks under his palms, and listen to the sound of his heartbeat. But Alhaitham just smiled and nodded instead, muttering thanks to Kaveh before slipping across the hall to his apartment.

He listened for Kaveh’s door to close and lock before switching on his noise-cancelling headphones and walking inside.

Chapter Text

The second his door clicked shut behind Alhaitham, Kaveh’s entire body flushed red, as if burned by a wall of fire. His cheeks melted into a smile, weak under hot lava. He buried his face in his hands, letting out a pathetically excited squeal.

Alhaitham’s hand brushing his body lingered, spreading over his with a flurry of shivers, down his spine, right to his feet. He felt his heartbeat rush through every part of his body, excited and thrumming his heart into a frenzy.

He locked the door, stepping back into the kitchen, cursing his inability to wipe the ridiculous, wide smile on his face. Alhaitham’s scent—his presence—seemed to haunt the kitchen. His reflection in the mirror, his stupidly tight shirt stretching across his body as he leaned to put away the dishes. Gods, Kaveh’s face burned even brighter at the thought. You could practically see his abs rippling through the material. How did he get so swole? Kaveh never saw him at the apartment gym. Granted, it was not often he himself visited the small establishment, but perhaps if Alhaitham did, he would become more encouraged. He imagined Alhaitham among the black equipment, his skin gleaming with the shine of sweat, his silverish hair damp at the edges, catching his eyes.

“Gods, Kaveh, don’t think those thoughts,” Kaveh muttered to himself. But they stuck in his mind anyway, like an imprint in wet sand, and he didn’t have the power to wash them away. He stumbled into the kitchen, trying to ignore the recent memory of Alhaitham’s presence, and began sorting through the shelves, removing the dishes Alhaitham had put away. The thought of Alhaitham bending over his dishwasher and shelves, replacing all the dishes that were scattered in Kaveh’s kitchen, as he watched through eyes blurred with slight tears, warmed Kaveh’s heart, even if he did put a bowl in the plates section, and mixed the forks and spoons. It was such an endearing action, one that was like a flame to the match of Kaveh’s affection.

He turned the dishwasher on and rushed to the lounge room, where his phone lay on the coffee table. He scrolled hurriedly through until he arrived at Tighnari’s contact. He needed to tell someone. The emotion building in his chest felt like it was pressing against his diaphragm, causing his breathing to come shorter and sharper.

“Tighnari!” he cried the second the dial tone disappeared from the room.

“Yes?” Tighnari said, alert by the excitement in Kaveh’s voice.

Kaveh could barely force out the words in a voice quieter than a shout.

“He was here! In my apartment, just ten minutes ago.”

“What? Who was there?”

“Alhaitham!” Kaveh said his cheeks were beginning to hurt with the pressure of his fanatical excitement.

“What?” Tighnari’s voice yelled through the phone. It lifted with a thrill as he urged Kaveh to tell him more. Kaveh eagerly complied, his heart racing faster with every recollection.

“He came over to give back the plate, and then…oh, I had some scones, and he tried one. The scones were bad but he said they were good—then he held my hand when I cried. And then he cleaned my kitchen for me.”

“Kaveh—Kaveh slow down, I can hardly understand a word of what you are saying.”

“He is truly a nice person, Tighnari, I told you. He may seem prickly on the outside, and he can be at times, but today…he showed me. He’s truly sweet, and he does care.”

“Alhaitham?” Tighnari said, the disbelief clear in his voice.

“Yes, Alhaitham. You should have seen his face when I began to cry, he was so shocked, his eyes widened further than I have ever seen them.”

“Kaveh…” Tighnari started with a sigh, but Kaveh spoke over them, his eyes and mind glazed by the image of Alhaitham.

“And then, when he held my hand, oh Gods, my whole body screamed. He’s so beautiful. And considerate.”

“Kaveh! Remember what happened last time.” Tighnari’s voice finally caught Kaveh’s attention.

“This is an exact repeat of before. Alhaitham says one nice thing to you, you get your hopes up, and then end up heartbroken when he ignores all of your hints.”

“But—“

“Remember how much that hurt, Kaveh.”

Kaveh’s heart began to sink with the weight of Tighnari’s words. He knew it was true; the enlightenment of his feeling was a familiar sensation. And even more familiar was the stinging dug of hopelessness as Alhaitham seemed to ignore every flirt he dropped right in his open palms.

“I don’t want to see you heartbroken over some random guy, Kaveh.”

“But he’s not some random guy, he’s…Alhaitham. I think I really like him, Tighnari.”

Tighnari was silent for a moment.

“Really like?”

“Yeah.” Kaveh admitted. “Really, really like.”

“Well what are you going to do?”

Kaveh sighed, muttering like a shy schoolgirl. “I don’t really know. What if he doesn’t like me back?”

Tighnari cackled. “Oh Gods Kaveh, of course! You’re just going to let this stew until you implode, aren’t you.”

Kaveh blushed fiercely with offence. “Shut up! You can’t say that, I don’t see you doing anything about your thing with Cyno, hypocrite.”

“Actually…” Tighnari began, his voice lifting to a tone of evil glee. “I’m not a hypocrite, I have a date with Cyno this weekend.”

“What!?” Kaveh yelled. He stared at the phone with wide eyes, mouth frozen open, Tighnari’s name flashing at him.

“Yep, so you better hurry up you coward.”

The phone clicked as Tighnari hung up.

“Hey! What the—“Kaveh shouted into the silence. He dialled Tighnari again, but was met with his voicemail. He could practically hear Tighnari cackling in the dial tone. Kaveh cursed in outrage, throwing his phone aside. He stood, hands in fists by his side, in annoyance. He didn’t have any excuse to fall back on now. He didn’t want to ruin the delicate routine of Alhaitham and his relationship, but he knew Tighnari would never allow this to fall into memory. He groaned, shaking himself down, heart fluttering with nerves.

“That bastard.” he muttered, picking up the pile of mail from the coffee table and walking to his room. He threw himself down on the bed, sifting through the pile. There was one from the landlord—his eyebrows creased in concern. Rent was not yet due. He sat up, tearing it open, heart plummeting through the floor as he read the contents.

Chapter Text

Alhaitham had a day off. Not by choice, of course, he was not one to slack off his duties under the pretence of relaxation or rejuvenation. Those were both suitably achieved with a good night's sleep and reviving his mind in a good book. But the higher-ups in his position were very persistent, and practically forced the day into his hands.

With no better activity to occupy him, Alhaitham meandered through his morning as usual, headphones taped to his ears, ignoring whatever noises got through the muffled dullness. He ate, barely bothering to look at his food. He could just imagine Kaveh’s face if he witnessed the state of Alhaitham’s meal. He smiled stupidly into his toast. His eyes would probably widen in feigned horror, and a frenzied lecture would jump into his throat. That passion, burning in his eyes like a steady flame, had long caught onto Alhaitham. Leaving him to burn slowly into a pile of ashes in the middle of the lonely apartment hallway. Only hoping to be blown in the direction Kaveh walked. Hoping to have the vantage to settle upon his pale skin.

He finished his toast quickly, but sat in his chair, staring at the crumbled plate. He had nowhere to go, he ought just to spend the rest of the day staring at the empty plate. He tried not to wonder whether Kaveh also had a day off. And then he tried not to imagine knocking on Kaveh’s door and enjoying his company. He really shouldn’t indulge in these thoughts, he knew. But they were almost uncontrollable; with an autonomy mindless to his sanity. He only wished it were plausible. Going to visit him unprompted, Gods, he wanted that so bad. His plate sat alone on the table, not even a fork or knife alongside it. It had never looked so lonely before.

Alhaitham sighed. This was why he never fell into thoughts such as this. So easily are you able to become overwhelmed with desire that it becomes a pain in your chest. Aching, a pain as real as a stab or trickle of blood, only worse because there was no wound to heal.

Alhaitham felt his dreary heart settle heavily to the bottom of his chest. There was no point in picking it up again; why, just to be unnerved by how much it weighed? Pained by how heavy it was with lack.

He cleaned away his plate and stepped into the living room. Unopened moving boxes stared up at him. Dust spun around in the air, and abandoned letters and papers dominated the floors and coffee table. He grimaced. It was hard to believe Kaveh’s trim, cosy living room was just beyond that thin, white wall.

He tried to pick up a book and read, but found his attention refusing, arms crossed across its chest, to look down at the page before him. Words danced, and the imagination caught off and ran up out the window. It was a peaceful day. At the Akademiya, light would probably be streaming into his office and casting a glare upon everything. He often moved his seat under the window on days like these to feel the sun warm his skin, the closest he got to the warmth of tender touch, and shudder goosebumps across his arms like peppering kisses.

He placed down the book, and walked to the window. He pulled open the curtains, tucking them to the side, and glanced down to the street.

Cars raced by, people zooming among the streets, hands busy with their lives. It was not an entertaining sight, just people caught in the raptures of their lives, hearts beating for freedom, their faces barely holding the crumble of tears within their chests. He walked away after a moment.

He glanced at his phone, there were no messages from the Akademiya. He sighed. He supposed the purposes of these days off were to rejuvenate, to spend time with friends, or just to rest. But he didn’t require any of those things, as he had persistently said. He had no friends to occupy this time with. He wandered around his apartment, peeking into his study but not finding anything of interest waiting there for him.

He could always tell when Kaveh had a day off. Music and laughter made for a wonderful mix, piercing through the walls as Alhaitham lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Kaveh’s laughter was lilted and bright, it made his heart swell to the brink of his chest, his skin shiver with bittersweet longing. He lay there with his headphones off, wishing to be one of the people Kaveh laughed with.

Alhaitham sighed, walking back into the kitchen. Perhaps he could cook a meal. He always employed the reason of lack of time when Kaveh turned up his nose at the containers he brought out to the bin. He would like to see the way his lips upturned, and his eyes brightened under his blonde fringe when he brought out something healthy for once. He could ever bring a plate over—as repayment—if the recipe went well.

He felt a smile spread over his face. He grabbed his keys and fastened his headphones over his ears.

The lights in the shop were bright, distracting. Alhaitham held the basket tight, the few items he had picked out rattling around in it. He had picked a recipe online that he thought Kaveh would like. He held it open on his phone, wandering through the aisles, trying to avoid having to ask one of the staff for directions.

He picked up a random bottle, inspecting it. He almost wished he had Kaveh here to instruct him. For a brief moment, the image of texting him flashed in his mind, but he struck it down. Someone stopped by him, reaching past to the overhead shelf, their arm brushing him. He quickly stuffed the bottle back onto the shelf and ran off, turning down a random aisle, his eyes wide. His breath came much faster than was required. Someone had accidentally brushed him; he shouldn’t be getting this panicked. He brushed his arm on the spot where their skin had collided and tried to slow his breathing, attempting to quell the ferocious pounding of his heart, until he noticed the presence of someone before him. He held his breath for a moment, but creased his eyes in confusion as he heard a quiet sob. He looked up.

“Kaveh?”

Kaveh stood close to the shelf, tipping chocolates into his brimming basket. His eyes were raw, framed by his blond hair, absent of the little red clips he usually used to control it, messy around his face, damp with tears as they fell fervently from his eyes.

“Kaveh…?” he said again, voice closer to a whisper. He stepped forward, hand raising, brushing his loose sleeve.

Kaveh looked up.

“Kaveh are you alright?” Alhaitham asked.

Kaveh responded with another sob, tears falling down the pouch of his upper lip, and turned back to the shelf, dumping a bag of chips into the ecosystem of unhealthy foods he had laid in his basket.

“Did something happen?”

Kaveh nodded, hair falling over his face and sticking to the tears as they fell. Alhaitham’s heart pulled into desperation, as if the tears were striking him as a knife to his chest, he reached out again, his hand stroking Kaveh’s forearm. He was shaking underneath the touch.

“Kaveh? Please tell me at least that you’re not hurt.”

“I’m not hurt,” he muttered, but his voice rose and fell with a hiccup, heavy with the soaked emotion of tears. Alhaitham’s heart tugged. He gripped Kaveh’s arm and pulled him closer. Kaveh provided no resistance and fell into Alhaitham’s chest, where his tears were no longer hindered and he sobbed.

Alhiatham wrapped his arms around Kaveh, feeding his thin fingers through his hair, unclipping the red hair clips that were knotted in his blonde hair. His body shook with the force of emotion, so Alhaitham only wrapped his hands around tighter, until Kaveh’s unrest slowly abated, and his sobs quelled into a sniffle. He lifted his head off Alhaitham’s chest and immediately lowered his head, cheeks flushing.

“Come with me Kaveh.” Alhaitham took the basket out of Kaveh’s hands and lowered it to the floor. Kaveh made no move to reach for it, and followed calmly as Alhaitham led him to the exit of the shop. He dropped his own basket, full of food, by the front desk, offering an apologetic look to the worker, but driving Kaveh through the door. His sobs grew louder once they were out of the building; Alhaitham held his hand tighter.

“How did you get here, Kaveh?”

“I walked. I didn’t want to drive.” he whispered.

“Okay. Come with me.” Alhiatham directed him to his car.

The silence between them was perturbed only by the sounds escaping Kaveh. He tried to hide them, Alhaitham glanced over and saw his lips tightly wired, yet whimpers and sobs, of desperation, forced their way out. Questions pressed up against Alhaitham’s throat, but he didn’t allow them to distress Kaveh any more than he already was. Kaveh would tell him when he was ready, and he wasn’t hurt, so Alhaitham felt the press of urgency fade away. He just held Kaveh’s hand tightly, his thumb stroking over the skin, feeling his pulse fire faster and faster, feeling the sobs, running through his body like blood, wracking against his skin.

Tears burned against the sheen of Alhaitham’s eyes. He tried to blink them away, but that sent them tumbling down his face. He hurriedly brushed them off. Crying like this truly disturbed him, but tears fell upon Kaveh’s cheeks and in turn his.

“My car is just here.” He fished in his pocket for the keys, and clicked the car doors open. He tried to let go of Kaveh’s hand so he could step around to the driver's seat, but he held on with surprising force, the strain of the desperation in his crying growing stronger.

“It’s okay Kaveh, I’m taking you home.”

Kaveh looked at him with eyes of gold, drowning in tears. Alhaitham could barely see their colour. The bright light that had illuminated them, backlit them until they shone like stars over a desert plain; like the very sun to a lost man. Like the mirage of water to a parched one. Alhaitham was that man—crawling on the bane of his life to feel those eyes bore into his. He wanted to drink out of them, kiss them—feel them on his skin like the touch of snowflakes. He wanted Kaveh so badly. His body wept for it.

“Come, you sit here,” he opened the door and sat Kaveh in the passenger seat. “I will not be gone more than a blink, just to the other side. Understand?”

Kaveh nodded, and Alhaitham freed his hand from his grasp and ran behind the car to his seat. He wanted to get there before Kaveh could even notice the warmth of his handhold fading. He fell into the car, and immediately returned his hand to Kaveh’s latching grab. His heart screamed at the touch, the blood fell from his mind and rushed to the spot where their skin held contact.

He thrust the keys into the ignition. “I’ll take you home, Kaveh.”

The car started along the street, pushing against the speed limit. Alhiatham found he didn’t care. Rules were nothing but words, Kaveh’s tears blurred the ink. He didn’t care what happened as long as he got Kaveh home, where he was safe. He hated to see him cry.

They rode in silence, Kaveh’s tears retreating with the passing minutes. He took a shagged breath.

Kaveh spoke slowly, carefully, yet the emotions still broke through his voice and sent his words shattering through the car. “I haven’t got a home.”

“Pardon?” Alhaitham glanced over. Kaveh was staring at the floor, both of his hands wrapped around Alhaitham’s.

“We can’t go home if I don’t have one.”

“I don’t understand, Kaveh.”

“I won’t have a home soon. I’ll be left on the streets, going mad like a homeless person.” His voice grew high-pitched, frantic. “I’ll have to sleep on cardboard! Have sex with old men and eat canned food!” He burst into tears again. He held Alhaitham’s hand to his chest, resting his chin on it. Tears fled from his eyes, falling upon his skin.

“What? Kaveh what are you talking about?” Alhaitham stared at him, eyes taunt in worry, waiting for an answer, but Kaveh made no other noise but the occasional sob until they reached the car park. He didn’t speak again until they were in the elevator.

“Alhaitham I don’t want to go back.”

Alhaitham looked over. “To your apartment?”

“Yes.” He stared straight ahead.

“Then come to mine.” That caused him to look over, a flash of confusion breaking the barricade of misery that curled around his beautiful features. Hesitatingly, he nodded, and Alhaitham tugged him towards the room. He tried to contain the charge that was collecting in his chest as they neared his home. He had to retain his composure for him; losing his head in the whirls of emotions and tears would help neither of them.

He unlocked the door, and Kaveh tumbled it. He felt a burn of shame at the sight of his apartment; paint scraped off the bare walls, wood splintering into the skin of his feet as he pushed his shoes off. The ugly scent of the hallway followed them into the lounge room, the dingy colours and sights, the lack of effort boxed away in the containers that collected in the corners of the room. Kaveh shouldn’t be in a room such as this—ugly and bare. His were the hands that would hover over the plainness and leave only beauty in his wake. Like the merciful rains to a starving desert; like the graceful sweep of night over a sun-exhausted land. Alhaitham treasured him as such.

He deserved a room coloured with mandalas of sunlight; the glow of the beams as they shone through the curtains, leaving patterns drawn out in the shadows. He deserved a room that was homely with the fresh scents of biscuits, and bread, and soups. Rugs that cushioned the floor, paintings that decorated the walls, cracks that ran through the plaster, decorated with brightly coloured paints and feathers. Alhaitham could only wish to hold such a vibrant hand in his own.

Kaveh looked around the room, his sobbing ceasing in the way of a gasping breath.

“Alhaitham—your home.”

Alhiatham’s chest burned, not in the way Kaveh usually made him feel—a burning that kept him alive, that rushed, lapping flames through his bloodstream, livening his cheeks—no, a burn that scorched instead of kissed. He looked to the floor, ashamed, his slippers scuffing his dusty floor.

“I apologise my own home isn’t up to your standards.” he said.

“No—no, it…it’s alright, Alhaitham. Thank you for letting me come here.”

“Please, come sit on the lounge. It’s through here.”

He led Kaveh through the hall into the lounge room. The sparse room, with only a dry lounge and cracked wood coffee table, brought shame to him. He knew he should have unpacked. Or at least put a picture frame up to decorate the cracked, grey walls.

Kaveh seated himself on the lounge, and Alhaitham looked down upon him. The curtain was drawn shut to avoid the unfortunate afternoon glare, but the room was still alight. Kaveh was just as a sunbeam would have been; warming his heart, and shining, uplifting the room into a lush environment, even with the rivers taking stream on his cheeks.

Alhaitham sat across from Kaveh, watching him as he buried his face in his hands and tried desperately to wipe away the tears. He thought for a moment over what to say—he had no advice to offer Kaveh, nothing that was likely to assure him any comfort. Only an empathy that attacked him with a strength he had never before experienced. So strong it very nearly drew tears to his own eyes, burned in his chest like a swallowed sob, buried and stacked under the strict effort to control his emotions. But control was never a value he felt strongly around Kaveh.

“So…Uh,” he said. “Kaveh—do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Kaveh shook his head.

“Oh.” Alhaitham looked to the floor. He bit his lips, studying one of the grains that ran through the wood, a dark colour, like a river winding and curling around the knobs of the board; he followed it like he would find something to say to comfort Kaveh at the end. But the grain dropped off, and Alhaitham was only staring at the floor. Like an absolute fool.

Kaveh’s sobs grew in volume.

“I think it would be beneficial for me to know what it upsetting you so extremely so I can best help you. I may be very intelligent, but I am not an empath.”

“Oh, Alhaitham, I don’t want to think about it, let alone talk about it.” Kaveh cried.

“Please?” Alhaitham requested, his voice small. Kaveh had to bite away his sobs for a moment to hear him. “Just tell me so I can help you. I’m not very good at this, I’m afraid I won’t be able to help you until I know.”

He wished he could help him. He tapped his hand awkwardly against his leg, keeping it by—keeping it from reaching out and wiping the tears free from Kaveh’s cheeks, and kissing them until they were red and blushed again.

“I—it’s.” He gasped a breath, holding it close for a second, before releasing it in a winded cry, and saying; “I was evicted from my apartment because I’m so behind on rent, and I’m so deeply in debt I can’t find another place I’m destined to the streets, I can’t be homeless, I’ll be killed or worse, I’m not rough enough for the streets, you know that Alhaitham! Look at me!”

“Wait, wait, calm yourself. You were evicted?”

“I am.” Kaveh sobbed. “I have to leave. But I don’t have anywhere to go?”

Alhaitham’s heart was punctured; straight through. Not only at the thought of Kaveh without a home—but away from him. In a place where Alhaitham would likely never see him again. That thought was enough to strike through his chest and strike all the air from beneath him, replacing it with panic and a desperation that was not in his right to feel.

“What do I do Alhaitham?” Kaveh asked—begged. Gods, it broke Alhaitham’s heart; his voice quivering, balancing on the terror, looking up at Alhaitham with tear-brimmed eyes, red rimmed and raining.

Alhaitham floundered for words. He wished he could summon the answer. Hand it to Kaveh, hug him, kiss him and assure him that everything was okay. That he would keep him safe forever.

Alhaitham shoved his hands into his pockets. Not because they were shaking, but because Kaveh’s were, and it took everything to prevent him from reaching out and holding them. Fuck, he wanted to so bad—but now wasn’t the right time. Not when Kaveh was like this. Later.

But just then he was struck with cold fear—a realisation that came drenched over him, sweating down the back of his neck, gripping his chest and curling it around itself. There might never be a ‘later’—not if Kaveh left.

Answers usually came so easily to him, formed with logic and reason, ones that he could support with facts, plain and simple. But nothing about this was plain or simple. Nothing was plain or simple about the way he loved Kaveh and didn’t want him to leave. He spoke before he even realised words were leaving his mouth.

“You should come stay with me.” he said.

Kaveh looked up. His sobs silenced.

“What?”

The intent of his words caught up to Alhaitham, and he hurried to speak over them. He stammered uncharacteristically, but there was no remedying what he’d said. Kaveh stared straight at him, tears drying around his eyes.

“Live with you?”

“I—“ Alhaitham caught the fretful rejection tight on his lips. He looked at Kaveh, Gods, perfect Kaveh, his blond hair damp and dangled, curtaining over his face, his eyes rubbed into redness—the desperation in his eyes. Completely lost, looking deep into Alhaitham, crowned with confusion, light, almost sparkling, like the hint of his usual snark poking through just to assure Alhaitham all was not lost.

“Yes.” Said Alhaitham finally. “We are what you would describe as ‘friends’ after all.”

“We’re friends?”

“Well, aren’t we?” Alhaitham questioned.

“Yes,” Kaveh wiped his nose on the sleeve of his jacket. Alhaitham lent over and grabbed a tissue box off the small table beside him, offering it to him. “I suppose we are.”

There was a silence. Alhaitham was sure something had to fill it—he searched his mind for anything so that it wouldn’t have to be Kaveh’s sobs. But, in the end, it was Kaveh who spoke first.

“Do you mean it, Alhaitham?”

“I do.” And he did. He would carve a place out of the tissue and flesh of his own heart, fit for Kaveh to live if it came down to it. He couldn’t bear to never see Kaveh again. “I do. When have I ever lied to you?”

“I really don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“I know.”

Please don’t lie to me, I can’t fucking take it.” He stood up abruptly. Alhaitham quickly followed. Kaveh didn’t move from his position, stagnant over the chair, staring at the floor with frozen eyes, but Alhaitham stepped toward the hall reflexively, in case Kaveh attempted to leave. To run from his problems, as Alhaitham suspected he would.

But Kaveh didn’t move. Just as his gaze was about to burn a hole into the floor, he looked up and locked in with Alhaitham.

“I’m not lying to Kaveh. It would be an honour to have you.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Why are you doing this?”

“I—I…”Alhaitham tried to say, but he discovered his words clammy and clumped on his tongue in a way he didn’t know how to express. How to unwind them? Surely he couldn’t say why—not the real reason. How, if his words were to come smooth and with truth he would say that his moments with Kaveh were the ones he clung to the most dearly, that the memories with the two of them were the most revisited, that the sound of Kaveh’s laughter through the walls or the warm accident of his hands touching Alhaitham’s were the ones that lingered the longest. Bringing him rare joy. A smile. A longing that displaced pain with happiness and happiness with pain.

He didn’t expect Kaveh to feel any differently—he wouldn’t expect anything in return.

“I...enjoy your company.” he said.

“You ‘enjoy my company’? That’s not a reason to invite me to live with you, Alhaitham. You may be serious about this now, but think it through for the Gods’ sake.” Kaveh rambled. “I won’t be able to afford rent, Alhaitham. Not even halved. Not for a while.”

“I don’t care. I can afford it, until you get on your feet.”

“No, Alhaitham,” Kaveh looked close to tears again. His voice shook to the point of hysteria, and he wobbled dangerously with his own gestures, gripping the cuffs of his shirt in distress. “You don’t get it.” Tears slipped down his cheeks. “You may enjoy my company now, but you’ll hate me eventually. W-when I drink too much. I’m a mess.”

“Kaveh, you’re not.” Alhaitham approached him slowly, taking his hands. “And even if you are, I don’t care.”

“Why? Gods, why? Why are you acting like this? Why are you even asking.” Kaveh sobbed, the red swelling across his eyes, tears caressing the length of his face. “It’s not like we’re actual friends. Not really, you hate me half the time—I can see it in your face!”

Alhaitham reached up, cupping Kaveh’s cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the tears that pooled on the curve of his nose.

“I don’t hate you, no, the opposite, Kaveh.”

“Well, you will! You will hate me within a week! I promise you. When I get bad—I’m no good company then. I’m horrible work.”

Each word hurt Alhaitham to hear, punches scraping and hitting at his chest, collapsing his ribs, shards of Kaveh’s tears crystallised and digging into his heart. How could he think these things about himself? The joy he is? How could he think Alhaitham hated him when he, in fact, loved him?

“Don’t say that, Kaveh.”

Alhaitham brought him closer. Kaveh fell into him, sobs ruining his body with shakes and tremors.

“You’ll kick me out within a week. I talk to much—I—I’ll keep you up. Late at night. I will—“

“Kaveh.” Alhaitham said, pulling him back, and forcing their eyes together. Through the glistening of tears, rubbed red, Alhaitham saw the colour of Kaveh’s eyes shine, the Kaveh he loved; he longed to see them laugh, crease and smile, speckled with sunlight again. “I don’t care.”

“But why?” He cried. “Why do you—”

“Because I love you Kaveh.”

That was the only thing he could think of to silent Kaveh, and it worked. The moment the words slipped from his mouth Kaveh gasped, and the cry slipped into silence. He’d never said them out loud before—those words. He was surprised his tongue knew how to form them—surprised his mind could force them out, being as heavy as they were.

“What?” he whispered.

“I love you.” Alhaitham repeated. It wasn’t a weight lifted as he had been expecting; he had to fight every higher part of his brain to force the words out—spoken through a swollen tongue and tar-filled mouth, like every part of his body had turned to prevent them from leaving, keep them deep within his body where they had lived for years. He didn’t think he’d said them out loud before.

“You what?” Kaveh’s voice was so light, barely audible. Alhaitham leaned closer to him, ever so gently lifting Kaveh’s hands, which were trembling in his, and holding them closer, everything closer, but not too close. Kaveh held back, staring up at Alhaitham, his eyes wide.

“I love you.” He would repeat it as many times as Kaveh needed to hear it. He would engrave it onto his soul so every time Kaveh looked at him he would see it—know it. He was loved. So powerfully and entirely encompassing that he could never even comprehend. People can never comprehend how much they are loved—that is a feeling for the person who loves.

“How?” he cried.

“How could I not?”

Kaveh stared at him, tears brimming in his eyes once again, and suddenly, Alhaitham had never been more terrified by the truth.

“I love how creative you are, how intelligent. I love how you’ve made a little paradise in this shit-hole, and how you cook for me. I love your passion—the things that keep you up at night, scratching away at paper just beyond my bedroom wall.” Alhaitham said. “I love it all, Kaveh. And if I uncover something which has not yet been touched by my love, I will be sure to love that too.”

Kaveh looked up at him. Gods, his eyes were beautiful, even in the midst of tears. Shock swimming in the moisture, shining in the stray, sun caught beams; they sparkled, shone. Alhaitham could see his own face reflected back, bent by the angle at which he looked down at Kaveh from, caught in that glimmering galaxy.

“I’ve never lied, Kaveh. I give you my soul completely bare when I say that.”

“Really?” Kaveh sobbed.

“Really.”

Kaveh buried himself in Alhaitham’s chest. His hand reached around and clutched Alhaitham closer, huddling his head in the nook under his chin, sobbing gently there. Alhaitham lifted his hands from his sides awkwardly, timidly reaching around Kaveh and holding him back. Kaveh fell into him, collapsing mentally, and sobs turned into wild tears that dampened his chest.

“It’s okay.” Alhaitham ran his fingers through Kaveh’s hair, brushing the tears off the corner of his cheek. “Don’t cry—please don’t cry.”

But Kaveh cried on, clutching to Alhaitham’s chest, his heartbeat racing wildly.

“Please don’t cry any more, Kaveh.” Alhaitham pleaded. “I will keep you safe, I swear it.”

Kaveh pulled back; Alhaitham immediately cooled with the loss of his pressure. He wanted to hold Kaveh forever, calm the tears from his eyes, comfort the panic from within his chest. Even if Kaveh didn’t feel the same way, he didn’t care. He only needed to know he was safe.

Kaveh looked up. His lip trembled. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met, Alhaitham, and I mean that.”

Then he rose, threw his arms over Alhaitham’s shoulders and pressed their lips together. Alhaitham’s heart caught in his throat as he felt Kaveh’s hands wrap around his neck, their lips locking in a wet, salty kiss. He let his eyes close and grabbed Kaveh’s waist, steadying them. Kaveh cried softly into the kiss—sobbing, almost, but each gasp more like a breath, air between their lips, between their skin as they pressed closer to each other.

The kiss touched his soul—his entire body deflating, shrieking with a relief he’d never felt before. His lips—the ones Alhaitham had longed for for so long, conscious and unconscious wished for were on him, touching him, kissing him and slowly working his mouth open. God, he had never felt anything more beautiful, anything that got closer to his heart than this, Kaveh whimpered into his mouth and only then did Alhaitham realise he could taste the salty tinge of tears, locked between their lips, and he realised Kaveh was crying again. He pulled away; tears trembled down Kaveh’s face, fat and bleeding out of his eyes like diamonds, glittering with the setting sun that streamed through the window.

“Kaveh, beautiful, don’t cry again. You have no reason to anymore.” He wiped his finger across Kaveh’s cheek and collected a thin row of tears, drawing them off his face, leaving his skin clear and glistening with emotion, sponging underneath his skin, and let them fall away. They glittered in his eyes and on his skin, and Alhaitham hated them, but he loved them because they were Kaveh. They were crystals of his emotion, offered from the depths of his heart and bled into something physical, something Alhaitham could touch—he traced his fingertip across Kaveh’s cheek and, glistening along the tears, he was touching the soft, vulnerable core of his heart, of his soul, manifested into the touch that passed between them.

“I liked you for a long time, you know?” Kaveh whispered.

“You did?”

He nodded, clutching Alhaitham’s shirt—clutching to him. To Alhaitham. He felt a brief flash of concern that Kaveh could feel how crazy his heart had become under his shirt, but that subsided into disregard, let him feel. Let him know.

“But I thought you disliked me, so I tried to stop.”

“Disliked you?”

“I—I knew you didn’t, but sometimes you can get cold…antisocial.”

“But I never disliked you.”

“Well, I know that now!” he exclaimed. “I just didn’t think you liked, me, you know, or men at all.”

“I don’t like men, I like you. I love you.”

“I love you too, Alhaitham.” The words struck Alhaitham, sinking into his skin and latching onto his heart. He could remember the last time he’d heard that—that somebody loved him. Somebody loved him. Kaveh loved him. His chest contracted with an impact stronger than he’d ever felt it, emotion surging through him, welling in his eyes, aching in his heart. The words sounded more beautiful than he ever could have imagined them—felt more wonderful than he could have ever created with his imagination. Kaveh looked down discreetly, allowing Alhaitham to wipe away the tear that slipped down his face.

“I hope you’re going to let me redecorate this place,” Kaveh said, turning away and looking around the lounge room. “It looks like you just moved in. You were here before I moved in, Gods, Alhaitham, is this your crockery box? Still unpacked?”

Alhaitham laughed, breathy with emotion. “You can do whatever you want, I just want you here.”

“It’s basically the same as my apartment, I can bring over my stuff and put it in your second room.”

Kaveh unlatched himself from Alhiatham’s arms and peered down the hall. “Where is it?” he asked.

“Just there,” Alhaitham said, coming up behind Kaveh and placing his hand on his side. “I’ll show you.” He slipped through the door and led Kaveh through the hall. His footsteps rang through the hardwood following after him—it was stupid, seriously pathetic the way his heart leapt hearing them. Hearing Kaveh’s gentle breathing instead of the silence, knowing that his heartbeat was somewhere behind him, in the house. He imagined coming home after a long day at work and seeing Kaveh, lounging on the couch, a light shirt hanging off his shoulders, flour splashed over his face and dough crusted around his fingernails, the deep scent of pastry flowing through the room. His heart lurched in his chest; his mind clung to that precious image, clinging to it, carving it into a miniature reality in his head like he had done for all those years he’d known Kaveh—except now, maybe, they’d become real. Maybe he’d smell the fresh bread, rustic and warm, on Kaveh’s neck as they lay together each night. Be welcomed by something other than creeping silence, creeping through the cracked floor and walls, headphones snapped on tight and soft classical music preventing it from catching him.

“Oh, it’s a study.” Kaveh looked into the room.

“Yes. You can put your deck over on that wall. We can add a partition, there’s enough room.”

Kaveh looked down. “Yes, well, that works out fine, but…where will I stay?”

“With me.” Alhaitham said.

“No, I mean, where will I sleep.”

“With me.” he repeated, stepping out of the study, closing the door behind them as Kaveh stumbled out, his face exploding into a wild redness.

“W-what?” he spluttered, forcing out a chuckle, but his eyes remained completely serious. “…in your bed?”

“Where else do you belong?”

“Well…A—I, um, Alhaitham! You can’t just say stuff like that!”

“Why not?”

“You just can’t, okay!” Kaveh ducked behind Alhaitham, and took off down the hall, his lower lip biting into the smile that was threatening his face. “I’m going home.”

Alhaitham stepped after him. “Aren’t you already home?” he said, a grin creeping through his lips. Kaveh stopped abruptly, turned, grabbed Alhaitham’s face in his hands, and pulled him into a kiss. There was desperation in this one—released in the way Kaveh clung to him, hands locking in his hair, lips tugging him closer, muffled sounds trapped within their kiss. It broke apart much sooner than Alhaitham would have liked.

“How long do you have left in your apartment?”

“Two weeks.” Kaveh replied.

“That’s enough time for you to move all your belongings over here.”

“And breathe some life into this place so it doesn’t feel like I’m living in a factory.”

Alhaitham chuckled. Kaveh didn’t realise how true that was—his voice alone was the breeze brushing through Alhaitham’s life, his smile the only sun to provide warmth and light.

“Your presence alone brings me all the life I need.” Alhaitham said, and Kaveh blushed furiously, tackling his hair over his eyes, averting his gaze immediately.

“Stop being a big flirt, I liked the way you were before better.”

“Did you really?”

A beat passed, and Kaveh slowly lifted his chin. “No.”

Alhaitham couldn’t prevent a grin, his heart fluttering, his mind positively coming apart at the seams, wanting to shower Kaveh in love, and affection, and care, and all the fresh foods he could ever want.

“That’s what I suspected. Do you want help starting packing your things?”

“Yes, please.” Kaveh timidly accepted Alhaitham’s hand into his own and they went off to his apartment, lives preparing to merge, fresh sheets mixed with spring basil, dried ink and old paper confabulated with rich pastry, flaking into the air, heavy with butter and jam; dainty curtains and Kaveh’s smell all over the apartment, Alhaitham’s hands all over him in turn, and the freshness of life, inhaled deeply into Alhaitham’s lungs, settling there happily as he lay his head on Kaveh’s chest.