Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ram walked down the bridal aisle, her gown of white with a red streak at the bottom. Her lovely man was standing right there. Smiling at him, Ram walked ahead, took each step with the most feminine grace she had ever displayed. It was flashy, it was grand, yet from all the royal guests who had looked at her from both aisles, the only one that mattered was her only man waiting patiently at the end of the aisle. She took the step above, stood at his side, and as she was to say the word to seal it all…

…The sunlight hitting her face had woken Ram up. She procured a small smile after reaching into her gown and finding the red string that they had bought on their last date a week ago.. It didn’t cost much, but it was affordable enough for the maid who had never spent a single coin of her earnings, ever, especially when split with her stupid sweetheart. There was no need for any personal purchase before, and she was glad there was not; this was their first purchase together for themselves, and they each had one. It was a foolish decision on his part, but it was still memorable, and she will defend it for life.

She sighed in disappointment again, remembering the dream. It was perfect; everything was going well. She was deeply in love and was finally getting married… to her dear Barusu. The lovely strategist of the Emilia Camp, the slayer of the three beasts, the prodigious mage, and the man who had courted her. Sure, he was rather idiotic and spoke unintelligible nonsense at times, and her sister did try to kill him at first due to a misconception. It does sound bad, and how they had only bantered for a year, and they had been together for ten of those months, but Ram could not imagine anyone else to have a family with. Despite all her banter, she was not letting anyone steal her man. 

Why was the greatest moment of her life a mere dream?  Ram groaned softly, sighing yet again. 

Tch, stupid Barusu. You pervert, absolute mabeast. Do you intend to wait for Ram’s corpse before proposing a marriage? 

Ram had gotten out of her bed, which was a little more to the left than she remembered, but she shrugged that off, not paying heed to minuscule differences. She had her string, she had Barusu, and the light entering her room had told her it was a bright sunny day… 

…Too sunny…

…Fuck. 

Ram had awoken late for her duties. The maid had quickly placed the string on the table, and had opened her closet to grab her uniform immediately, and noticed the shelf was one uniform short, despite its hanger being present, but merely groaned and did not pay it any further attention. Ram was already late, Barusu must be waiting patiently for her lovely Tatoe salad. Ram had grabbed a spare uniform and had hastily dressed into it, tied the ring around her pinky finger, and made her way to the dining hall, as she could hear everyone’s chatter.

“Ram apologies for her delay, everyone. A good maid needs her rest after all.” The oni maid looks down as she enters, embarrassed, but does her best to hide it. The chatter diminishes at Ram’s appearance, and an eerie silence enters the location. Were people really that upset by her delay? This was not even the first time-

She understands as she turns her head up, to find the shocked, confused faces of everyone, Barusu, Beatrice, Lord Roswal, Emilia, and… herself?

“Sissy, have you dyed your hair to match Ram’s beautiful red hair? While I am honoured, I believe this is bound to—”

“And just who do you think you are calling Sissy, you impostor?” The resident Ram, who was not her sister, interrupts Ram herself, flabbergasting her.

“An impostor? Has the od gone mad? The only fake here is yourself, as I am Ram, as I always have been.” Ram responds, and it is now the turn of the impostor’s flabbers to be gasted. Ram knows this may not be a real phrase, but kindly asks you to shut your insolent mouth up, dear reader. 

The resident Ram speaks up again, her frustration growing, “Ram has been Ram all her life as well, so it is easy to assume that you are lying. Honestly, if you wish to take over Ram's identity, you need to be less obvious.”

Ram's right eyebrow was promptly raised, and her lips protruded, yet the words never quite came out. Were there even words to get out in the first place? 

“Emilia-sama,” the resident Ram, who was definitely the impostor (Ram was sure of it, dagnabbit.) broke the silence Ram herself had created, “As you can see, the impostor here is no longer able to speak those deceiving words from those cute lips that she had done rather well to replicate. Ram is truly flattered, but your lies end here, and this is about the time you should be out with your true motives.” Ram said as she ate the tatoe salad that she had masterfully forgotten to season like it was an ordinary day, while the table around her stood in the silence of a witch cult massacre. 

Ram, at this point, heightened her guard. Her eyebrows raised as she tilted her head to make sense of this upside-down situation. “This does not make any sense. Me, the impostor? Come on, everyone, surely you cannot—” 

Oh yes, they can. Those familiar eyes, the ones that she had enjoyed seeing every day, were now swinging between her and the impostor, and the look that was being given her was not one of certainty. Her chest thumped faster, as the only sound to come out of her mouth was the hesitant breaths of air. The only solace that Ram had here was that Rem was not in this room to confuse her with someone else. 

Is this just a horrid dream, or has the Od truly lost its mind?

Subaru was, naturally, shocked at the second nee-sama in their presence. They sound alike and behave similarly. Was she just a clone of Ram? Is such a thing even possible in this world? A lot was possible. Before he could say anything, however—

“Barusu, please do something. I dislike the current situation. Surely you must know what is going on, right? Is this one of your pranks? Another one of your magical experiments where you somehow discovered a way to create another me this time?” 

“Wait, hold on, magical experiments? Nee-sama, what are you—” 

“Nee-sama…?”  Ram took a moment to process that, then her eyes widened, “NEE-SAMA!!?!?” Ram clenched her hair and groaned hard as she fell on the floor. “Hk… THE OD HAS, VERY MUCH IN FACT, LOST ME. FOR I HAVE BEEN CURSED!” 

She looked at everyone with her widened red eyes, “This is truly a nightmare. My dear Barusu, the one that Ram herself saved in the capital’s alleyway a year ago from those thugs, CALLED RAM NEE-SAMA! Nothing is right in this world, when everything was fine yesterday.” Ram sulked into herself more, curling up as she lowered her head onto her thighs, and groaned.

“Tch, as you can see here,” the impostor Ram, who had eaten the unseasoned tatoe salad while watching Ram have a breakdown, spoke. “I am the real one. As you can tell from her inability to comprehend the fact that Barusu called Ram nee-sama, and secondly, her inability to remember facts correctly. Ram had not met Barusu in an alleyway where she had to save him, but he was already unconscious in the loathsome house by the time she had first laid eyes on the sorry knight.” 

Everyone, except Subaru, who was deep in thought, slowly chewing the unseasoned tatoe salad, nodded at the impostor, accepting her reasoning as evidence for her truth, while they looked at the resident Ram with some pity. The resident Ram at this point scrunched her nose and squinted her eyes.

“Hk—Knight? What is going on? Barusu is no knight; he is a mage. The most revolutionary the world has ever seen.”

“And that is another point against you. You spread lie after lie, is your head truly in the ok?”

Before Ram could speak any further, Subaru interjected, “So, Ram. You have said a lot that does not make sense, but how did you know about me being in an alley? I mean, I was attacked by thugs, but it was Em- Reinhard who had saved me on that day. What do you think happened?” 

“Barusu, I suppose—”

“Nee-sama.” Subaru stops the resident Ram. “I believe you, I do. But I want to hear her out. I believe that I have an idea of what might be the case here; I just need to confirm it.” 

Ram’s eyes widen, but now with hope instead of shock. Her Barusu was giving her a chance.

And so she spoke. “That day is a rather unforgettable one for Ram. On that day, Felt stole Emilia’s insignia, and thus they ran after the blonde to-be-royal. They found an alleyway, where Ram found Barusu being mugged by what he calls the TonChinKan trio. She decides to stay back while Emilia and Puck chase after Felt, and so both parties achieve their goals. I saved you, Barusu. And Emilia found her insignia. We later discovered the bowel hunter out in the slums, who was to be Felt’s client, and we survived that day due to Barusu’s quick thinking and Reinhard being present to save the day, who then saw the insignia glow on Felt’s touch, and discovered the final candidate, while we decided to bring you to the mansion as you had nowhere else to go, with you feeling particularly indebted to me, Barusu. After that, as you say, the rest is history.” Ram smiled, thinking of that interesting day, when her life had changed for the better. 

The crowd looked at the smiling Ram with no hesitation. You did not need the divine protection of wind reading to believe she spoke the truth, even though her words were completely utter lunacy. 

Subaru, however, simply smiled. “Alright. I see. I trust you, Ram, even though I did not experience those events myself; I believe that these events have truly happened. None of you Rams are an impostor, even if you aren’t our Ram.”

Emilia looked at her knight with confusion, and Subaru simply chuckled. “Allow me to explain to you what the multiverse is.”

Ram was invited to sit along with the resident Ram after Subaru had explained. Wow, this tatoe salad was unseasoned. Tasted exactly how she would have made it a year ago, but unfortunately, Barusu really forced her to improve her culinary repertoire, after all, her Barusu couldn’t be fed the worst meals by a woman who was to be his wife. Now Ram can make a total of six dishes! That is what you can call character development. 

Speaking of developments, Barusu had arrived at a breakthrough, as expected of her sweetheart.  Ram shall not bore you with the details. Ram and the resident Ram were both real, and Ram herself was not from here. Ram was from another world, according to Barusu’s words. Something about how every decision we make splits the world into a world where we make a different choice. All in all, Ram was in a world where the choices they made were different compared to the choices they made in her own.

And exactly on the day she had intended to get engaged to her beloved, Ram had woken up in a world where Barusu did not choose to love her. The od really should grant itself the divine protection of humour because this situation was not at all funny.

“So, Cap’n,” Garfiel of all existing life chose to speak after Barusu. “This Ram ain’t our Ram. But she’s still Ram?” The blonde boy asked to affirm, to which Barusu simply nodded.  

“Well then, if you are still Ram,” Emilia speaks, shifting her gaze to Ram directly, “then I suppose there’s no harm here, right?” She moves with hesitation. 

“Well, Ram intends no harm here to you or anyone in this camp. Harming you would be too much effort, which could be spent on making Pozzas for you people. It is, of course, the greatest dish Ram has ever cooked up!” Ram closes her eyes and stands with her fists clenched at her hips, proud of the culinary masterpiece that Barusu had invented, and she had taken the opportunity to perfect it by adding some salt! The resident Ram simply glared at her version from another world.

“Pozzas?” Barusu asked.

“Barusu, surely you have introduced your cuisine to this camp?” 

Barusu simply looked at Ram with the face of a ground dragon running out of breath. 

“Barusss… Baru,” Ram corrected herself,  to the theatric gaping mouths of the others who had witnessed a blasphemy not realised in 400 years, (What? He wasn’t her man, this Ba-Baru was not her Barusu, and her Barusu was the only Barusu in the infinity of Baru that exists,) “Surely, you have?” Ram had added, just to ensure if this Baru was not in fact messing around with that stupidly handsome face of his.

The great spirit pouted, “Betty wants to know, Subaru. What is a Pozza?”

“Oh my…” Ram sighed.

“Hey! I taught you people about Mayo!” Subaru argued his case.

“A Mayo is a mere side dish meant to be consumed with Tatoe Tots.” Ram shot the man down.

“AND WHY has Betty never learnt what these Tatoe Tots are, my dear contractor!” The little drill loli made an angrier face, and as Subaru fluttered in his words, he was unable to provide any response. 

Unable to provide a satisfactory answer, Baru turned to the ceiling, “Wow, nee-sama.” Ram’s heart was pinched yet again by the way the man with the face of her beloved had referred to her alternate self, but that was a discussion for later: “The unseasoned Tatoe Salad tastes especially good today.” He said as he got up, totally not in haste. “Hey Beatrice, let's go, I have a lot of things to discuss with you!” The spirit sighed and stared at her contractor with the cutest look of disdain one could imagine. As she got up with Subaru, they began to make their leave.

“Barusu, that was a rather pathetic attempt at dodging your accusations. Do not believe that attempting to shower absolutely correct praises on Ram saves you from the revelations given by her other self.”

“Nee-sama,” Ram’s heart is stabbed yet again, “I– uh– ummmm—” Baru stutters trying to think of what to say, but ultimately the words would never come out of that mouth. 

The original Ram smirked and decided to add on to the misery, “Tch, lecherous Barusu. Was it not enough to ogle at Ram’s beautiful body that your perverted brain decided to bring in another? Do you really require two Rams to satisfy your lecherous gazes?” Ram spoke dramatically, placing her arms around herself. 

Baru hastens up as his body shivers, his face flushed from anger and not from teasing, groaning like a baby, gripping Beatrice’s palm, quickly turning the upper half of his body towards the original Ram, pointing his pinky finger at her. “OH, PARDON ME THAT REALITY WENT IN A DIFFERENT ENOUGH DIRECTION THAT I FORGOT TO INTRODUCE THE CONCEPT OF A FLATBREAD WITH MATOES AND CHEESE ON THEM.” Frederica seemed very intrigued by the concept, and little Petra was audibly excited to see what it was. 

He took a step back towards the dining table, and his hand moved to Ram herself. “AND YOU…” he lowered his hand and sighed. His eyes had grown sharper. “Your circumstances, based on what you said, seem not to have happened to you before, so we’re all in unknown territory. In the meantime, do  you need anything, Nee-sama?” Subaru asked with innocence. 

Ram’s heart cannot run anymore, being punctured by Baru so much. Her arm had clenched her heart as the fury flooded her brain, “Firstly, Baru, do not under any circumstances call me… that. I am not your… that, and you are not my Barusu. So you are Baru, and I am Ram. It is as simple as that, period. Helps you to distinguish Ram from the resident Ram.”

Baru slowly nodded after an awkward pause. Subaru looked a little confused about the current situation, but went along with it. He wonders if–

“Number TWO,” Ram speaks before Baru can finish that thought. “There is also Ram’s predicament to consider. As you understand, I cannot stay here for too long. You have your own Ram, and Ram has her own universe to get back to.” Ram takes a gulp. 

“Being the unmediocre mage that you are, could you help figure out how to send me back to my world. I need to go back to my Barusu instead of a mere imitation.” 

The resident Ram looked at Ram with a sceptical look, “Your, ‘Barusu’?” Baru was also stuck on this aspect, completely forgoing interest in the mention of a mage. 

“Indeed, my Barusu. The man Ram has been courting for over a year now.” Ram spoke as if it were the most natural thing in the world; her smile had widened. 

A loud silence enveloped the Emilia camp. Subaru simply smiled at Ram, who returned it without issue. 

Subaru’s smile had faltered the moment he realised what was said. The resident Ram had simply stared at the alternate version of herself with a strong denial to comprehend those words. But denial does not change the truth. 

Both their faces went red as the Emilia camp had finally comprehended how vast the multiverse could be, with loud, maddening voices echoing around Ram, which can be summed up into one simple word. 

“NANI?!?!?!”

Chapter Text

Natsuki Subaru has died. 

It is unknown how the death occurred, though the reason was self-explanatory. 

Satella sighed in the shadow garden; she totally wasn’t jealous, though. Why would she be? She was, in fact, more angry than anything. Subaru had died again after a year. She wasn’t too worried. The reason for his death… now that… that… was the infuriating part. As people of Subaru’s world would say, “This is lowkey embarrassing, man.”

Now this lovely lady (Fuck you, Capella. Satella can use your trademark.) wondered where to reset his checkpoint to. Well, an hour before, everything seemed reasonable enough. Eh, not like she was a real threat. (Except in the matter of love, this bitch better get her ass away soon.)

Something was wrong, though. RBD wasn’t working. Subaru died such a terrible death that RBD refused to cooperate. Why in the name of Flugel cheating on Shaula, did her own authority stop listening to her? RBD was not working at all.

What Satella did not realise was that RBD was working as intended. It just needs the death part, but Subaru isn’t actually dead, but is simply in a state of shock so hard that it certainly feels like he has died, but of course, the most feared existence ever was a fucking idiot. Worse, actually, she was in love. 

Satella was rather hysterical. Had she lost her lover forever? ALL BECAUSE A HORNLESS MAID DECIDED TO CONFESS A LOVE FOR A MAN WHO REGARDS HER CORRECT SELF AS A SI—

“—baru-kun.” A voice of silver bells spoke gently, her palm calmly placed on the shoulder, swaying the corpse. The corpse had softly shivered. The bells chimed closer, “Subaru-kun,” she spoke in its ear. 

The corpse moved its eyes, and he looked towards the pretty silver-haired half-elf. The corpse smiled. Its heart started beating again. 

Natsuki Subaru was revived, but the damage from that “death” would linger for a long, long time. Satella was just happy not to have the most valid crashout in 400 years.

“Oh yeah, sorry, just got stuck in the daze up there,” Subaru replied to Emilia, throwing her his cheeky smile that only makes her sigh disappointedly. “Anyways… hahaaahaa…ha … what were we discussing?” Subaru rhythmically moved his fingertips across the back of his head as he spoke, trying to break the unnatural muteness of the room that was in chaos merely a minute ago, his eyeballs rolling over to the Ram from another world. 

Ram gazed at him with her deadpanned eyes and simply judged this man with silence. “Tch. This is rather pathetic from you, Baru, to not even remember the pure maiden’s words of purity and love. No matter the world, Ram must be by your side to support. Like Ram said, in my world, you are my sweetheart, the man Ram loves from the depths of her beautiful heart, and has been courting for over a year.”

Natsuki Subaru has di—

“Oh, if you let your brain cease functioning from the words of this… Otherworldly maid, one more time, Betty will throw you out of the manor herself, you hopeless contractor!” Beatrice slapped Subaru away from “dying” again.  No need to drag out this stupid joke, kashira. 

Subaru was back in his senses again, and he had to come to truly understand and accept how infinite the possibilities of the multiverse could be.

“This just feels… wrong.” 

“And you calling Ram, “nee-sama” does too.” Ram replies without missing a heartbeat.

“And everything was just going very right this past year.” 

“That is an agreeable truth from your mouth, Baru. I am relieved your brain is not completely fried even when you do not have me by your side.” Ram replied. 

The truth was a hard pill to swallow for the people of both universes, but alas, it did not take much of the world to change to arrive at their result. Perhaps it was not a singular decision that had to be made; perhaps it was a result of a lot of variance in the timeline. What sort of twists and turns would the world have to take to drift them apart? 

If a lot had been changed, then how far away am I from my Barusu? Ram asked herself, her heart clenched. How much does the quantity of decisions affect how far one might be from their universe? Does each decision hold the same weight? Ram’s brain twisted as she softly groaned to herself. There is not much here to make sense of; it is rather annoying. She is quite far from where she wants to be. 

“Tch. Barusu, you may be the catalyst for this change. Ram somehow knows you are.” Ram deflects, attempting to run her mind away from those thoughts. Thinking about it would do no good. 

“Is this to do with that mage thing that you’ve mentioned to me earlier?” Subaru responds, looking right in her eye (with that sexy– not really, her Barusu looked better.),  “Because I do not know what I have achieved in your universe, but I have a broken gate in this one, I’d quite literally die without my contract to Beako here, in fact!”

The proud spirit grabs his hand and nods, happy to be valued by her contractor, who may be an idiot at times. 

Ram groans loudly; the eyes do not widen. She simply returns the stare; the glare she provided was rather intense. “Baru, Ram did not think you could get any worse personally. You flaunt your contract as an achievement, and Ram thought you were lazy in my world. Sigh.”

“Did you just say the word sigh?”

“Ram needed to audibly respond to your pitiful state with a sigh. This is quite abhorrent, looking at you in this condition. So sigh.” Ram sighed. 

“HEY!”

“Absolutely disgusting in fact.” Another voice spoke up. Ram and Subaru turned their heads to her. It was the resident Ram. A spitting mirror image of herself.

“This is how Emilia must feel every day. Knowing that someone looks like you, but is more pathetic in every way, exists.” The resident Ram speaks up. 

“Pardon Ram’s innocent tongue, but what the fuck?” Ram looked at her cheap native self with a FLABBERGASTED face. 

“Tch, Barusu, you have actually seduced Ram. Looks like she is from a universe where she suffers from brain damage, that is the only way that the lustful Barusu managed to ever have Ram look at him as a man.” 

“HUH?” Ram was fully offended. “Barusu is a perverted idiot, even so, Ram has chosen him because she knew what he would become, and my Barusu is already very close to it, may even surpass the greatness that Ram had anticipated from him. The reason he turned out like this in this universe is that you missed his potential and let him leave your hands. Your brain, by the looks of it, is the one that is truly in a dire state of repair, but unfortunately, even my Barusu would not be able to fix your irrational thinking.” The Otherworldly Ram retorted, her fury leaping beyond the great waterfall, taking not a moment to cool under its waters.

The native Ram clicked her tongue and stared at herself. “Tch. Those ugly words do not suit the beautiful face that belongs to you. I truly feel sorry for all the men that exist in your world, if you had to select pathetic Barusu over all of them. This is rather embarrassing on your part, really. I am well and truly appalled.” She places the back of her palm on her forehead and rotates her face, stretching as far as her unfit body could, just for the dramatic effect. 

“Oh, please, Ram, you are truly an insolent fool. Ram really feels extremely sorry for you, who, in this situation, are unable to find love in Baru. Really, Baru, you truly are pathetic, unable even to impress your own Ram with your stupid charm. I mean, it's not like—” Ram’s eyes widen. A stark realisation enters her soul.

“Oh. My. OD. Do not tell Ram. If our universes have some shred of similarity, Ram, do you perchance yet hold feelings for the Margrave?” 

“Ram believes Roswaal-sama is the greatest man to ever exist, unlike stupid Barusu over there.”

“Hey, why am I keep getting caught up in your—”

“You are most certainly the most idiotic existence across the Ram-verse, in fact.” Subaru’s pleas were ignored as Ram simply chose to attack the resident version of herself. “This is beyond pathetic that you cling to a man who is incapable of looking in your direction in a manner you desire. Ram has realised that every argument the native version of herself has ever brought up no longer possesses relevance, you absolute buffoon.” 

Ram pauses for a brief moment and lets out a deep sigh. She looks at herself from across the dining room. “I am not mad, just disappointed. Yet Ram is also relieved, relieved that she did not remain as pathetic as you were. Move on, woman… That man will never love you.” Ram concludes her argument without flinching as much. Ram could recognise the heart of her native self, and since no one else could understand those exact feelings,  she had to help herself move on… even if they at times might linger.

The native Ram flinched at the words of the other version of herself. Now she was absolutely gobsmacked at the absolute blasphemy that her other version had spoken, truly terrible words. She did not believe it was possible to have such words be uttered by the melodious voice that she possessed, plucking right at her own chords. 

The native Ram wished to speak up, but unfortunately, no words came out of her mouth at that point, just a sad stutter of a dying insect; even this Ram had to admit that was pathetic. She looked around the camp, and people’s eyes may appear to show concern for her, but make no mistake, their mouths struggled to be bound together, and the loud voices that they wished to release were sealed better in their mouths than the Witch of Envy in whatever seal that had consumed her. Ram would ensure that everyone around, that being: Garfiel, Otto, Petra, Frederica, Beatrice-sama, and even Emilia-sama, would never forgive this betrayal. She would ensure that all of them would suffer, suffer brutally. (Narrator: Despite Ram’s pettiness, she is an even lazier woman, who will stop caring about this the next day.)

Roswaal himself had smirked, amused at the surprising development, fully buying into the vastness of the dubbed multiverse at this point, but this is Roswaal and not Ram, who cares not if the clown laughs or not; therefore, I am gonna shut up about him for the time being. 

Emilia produced a small smile at the otherworldly Ram’s words. Well, even she had to admit their Ram was quite obsessed with the mean clown, and thus the words spoken by Ram herself, even if she was from another world, were fun to witness. However, guilt blossomed in Emilia's heart after seeing the embarrassment on her face. 

The royal candidate spoke up, “Well, Ram-san,” she called the other Ram, attempting to distract everyone from their Ram’s sorry state, “It is absolutely wonderful that you were able to find romantic company with Subaru-kun. I’m really, really happy for you! You’ve been together for a year already, and that means you’ve been together for a while now. That is splendid indeed.”

Ram looked up at Emilia, “Thank you, Emilia-sama. It would not be a lie to say the past year has been satisfactory. Ram is glad to have found company with him earlier, making the year all the more enjoyable.” 

“Is that so… that does sound wonderful… indeed.” Emilia gave a dry smile, though internally she was really, really mad, possibly jealous, at how quickly the Maid had recognised her feelings for Subaru-kun. Though really, she mostly felt disappointed in herself for being unable to understand love enough to give Subaru his answer. How did Ram figure out she was in love with Subaru anyway?

Emilia’s jealousy, although present, was nothing compared to the feelings of the great actress, the little maid, Petra. 

Ah, Petra. She would be pouting right now, but she has her maid training, and as a result, is great at accommodating a guest. So she simply gave the brightest smile possible, clenching the knife as she slowly sliced open a bread that the author does not know where it came from. “Oh yeah. Other Ram-sama, congratulations. On your relationship.”

Petra was very stable, having no issues whatsoever, nuh uh, she continued to slice the bread until it loudly hit the table. Of course, she was just a tad disappointed that in another world, Subaru-kun was already with someone, and she had no issues whatsoever. This had nothing to do with how she was attempting to slice the table after the board was cut.

“Oops. Looks like this Bread has been cut, I shall take my leave. I hope you enjoy your stay, Other Ram-sama.”

“....Thank you… Petra-chan.” Ram uttered causiously. “I am glad to know… that you care about our well-being.” She said as Petra stomped away, definitely not mad.

This is what Barusu means when he talks about “Yanderes”… Good thing Barusu isn’t into little girls, but what about Baru? Ram gently drifted her eyes towards Baru and leered into his soul.

Subaru took the vengeful gaze of the other Ram and was very much offended by the unvoiced accusation. However, before a word could be spoken about his innocence, Ram uttered a single sound that sealed his fate. 

“Tch.” She spoke nothing more, returning her gaze elsewhere, branding him guilty for a crime he was to never commit, no matter how much Petra wished that he did, for despite his title, our Lolimancer is NOT a diddler.

Otto and Frederica kept things simple, with a sweet and generic congratulations, as you would to a stranger. Honestly, it was rather refreshing, an actual ordinary interaction, and not one of the chaos that she had been experiencing since the few minutes she was here. She was glad to see Frederica again; Otto wasn’t a bad guy himself. 

“Well, I ain’t got da slightes’ clue how Cap’n pull’d i’ off, an’ I am jealous as fuck, but Cap’n ‘s a lucky bas’ard ta be able ta pull ya!” Garfiel said in his usual tone, smiling like the idiot he is.  

“Ram is not a prize to be won, even if Ram’s very elegant presence is a gift. Glad to see you remain a constant across universes, Garfiel, a tough idiot.” And oddly comforting. Ram does not add the final few words, shivering in disgust at the mere thought of Garfiel being a source of comfort. 

“HEYYY, Wha’s dat suppo’d ta mean?”Garfiel clenched his hand, ready to strike. 

“Tch, Garfiel. Ram is very sorry for you. It is absolutely appalling that even in a universe where everything is upside down, there is nothing to change about you. It's rather saddening.” The resident Ram jabbed, adding to her alternate self’s words, a smirk forming on her lips.

Garfiel was struck by the two-hit combo, and he did the smartest move he had ever thought about. Shut the actual fuck up, earning a few giggles around the room.

Ram looked to the other present members of the camp. Beatrice looked at her for a brief moment. 

“Hmph.” The Librarian pouted before turning away. We aren’t friends here, huh? “Betty is going to rest for a while; this morning has been odd as it is.” She took a few steps for a short distance, “What happens to this maid isn’t my concern. Hmph.” She leaves as Subaru sighs. 

“Don’t worry about that, Ram, she’d warm up to you later,” Subaru assured the alternate universe Ram, whose heart remained a little pinched. 

“It maaaaaay not be her concern, but it is certainly miiiiiiine,” Roswall spoke up, at the end, killing the mood. “Your romantic adventures with Subaru-kun are not for me to talk about. Howeeeeever, how did you happen to find yourself here, otherworldly Raaaaaaaaaam?” The fraud’s smirk widened. 

“Ram genuinely has no clue. She woke up, and here she was, in this manor.” Ram shrugged as she looked around, observing the architecture, paying attention for the first time. 

“Ram is familiar with this place, and she was more concerned about being late, but this is your other manor, right, Roswaal-sama? Not the one that we usually stay in.” 

“Oh, the old one? Does that still exist in your world? It burnt apart after we got into a tussle here.”  Subaru informed. 

“A tussle?” Ram was perplexed, astounded even. She continued, “Ram is sorry, but the manor was burned apart because of a mere tussle.”

“Well, yeah, I mean, we had to burn it down to kill the bowel hunt-”

“YOU KILLED ELSA-CHAN?!?!?”

“YOU DID NOT? AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN ELSA-CHAN?” 

“Why would we kill her? We recruited her as a member of the camp, and she has been working with everyone to repay for her crimes.

“THAT WAS POSSIBLE!?!?” Subaru was astounded, perplexed even. He raised his arms and interlocked his fingers,  pressing his palm on the top of his head, and running his fingers down to the back of his head. He gave a not-so-silent whisper, “Holy Fuck!”

Ram groaned. This timeline was horrid. “What about Meili-chan?”

Subaru’s eyes lit up! “Oh yeah, Meili-chan, she is with us and lives in the basement. She’s our adorable prisoner!” He spoke with a bright smile.

“Y-You sicko.”  Ram winced, though she had gotten back to her senses, not before Subaru took the stab at his heart. He was never going to beat the lolimancer allegations. 

“Anyways, that covers just about everyone, except for one major person.” Ram raised a finger. 

“Where is Rem? You know, Ram’s sister?” 

Subaru clenched his hair, “You remember her name?” 

“Baru, I know that this concept may seem weird to you, but Ram possesses a thing called memory.” 

The room was more silent than darkness itself. 

“Oh, now what? Don’t tell Ram that–” 

“REMISNOTDEAD!” Subaru clarified immediately. “But well…. she’s asleep. Asleep for over a year now. Forgotten by all… but me.”

Ram winced as she looked down. On one hand, this was a worse situation than she could possibly have hoped. She would never like to forget her sister; a fate worse than death. On the other hand, this was not Ram’s world, and in Ram’s world, Rem was alright; everyone remembered her, as well as herself. That is solace. Still, the situation was harrowing, how easily this could have happened in her own reality.

She looked at Subaru, “Baru, your face is rather pathetic. Ram honestly has nothing to say that you probably have not told yourself.”

She walked up to Subaru. “As you said, it's been a year. Sad situation, yes. I can only pity you. If you are anything like what my Barusu used to be, you probably have been constantly beating yourself up for being pathetic.” 

Subaru winced as he tried to avoid her gaze, but Ram pushed his cheek back to face her. 

“If you are anything like what Barusu was, though, Ram knows you didn’t mope around and whine, and are actively trying to solve it. I do not have one for you, but you can take solace in the fact that my Rem is alright, she isn’t a maiden asleep.” Ram offered a small smile. 

Subaru looked at her, “I...” he took a small breath, and smiled, “Glad to know that she is alright. This other me must have been impressive. No wonder you fell for him.”

“Ram is sure her Barusu is the greatest Barusu to exist across this multiverse. Don’t, however, be so pitiful, Baru; you have his heart and charm, even if Ram’s Barusu flaunts it better.” 

“Jeez, Ram. You don’t say. Well, if his charm is that good, then I promise you that I’ll send you back to him.” Subaru firmed his resolve.

Ram smirks, “I’ll hold you on to that, Baru. Ram would expect this to be the bare minimum, after all. Anyway, until then, I’m going to have to stay here. Mind if I get a room, Roswaal–sama?”

Roswaal looked to Ram with his creepy smile existing as usual, “Verrrrrrrrrry welllll then. Fredericaaa, see to it this Ram from another world gets some room to staaaaaay.” 

Frederica nodded and bowed, looking at Ram. “Well then, Ram…”  Frederica rubs her chin for a moment, “I think we need to give you a nickname of sorts; this is going to get confusing.” 

“I agree,” adds Subaru, “Rammy? Rammotto? Rammatron? Ra-”

“I will strangle your throat and feed you to the black serpent itself for lunch if I hear you deflower the beautiful name of Ram again, Baru.” Ram jabbed. 

“Well… uhhh, we’ll figure it out!” Subaru shook his head and earned a small giggle from those who were present. 

Soon, they all began to leave the room, and Ram headed with Frederica, guiding her to the room where she would reside temporarily. 

And it will be temporary. Barusu, your Ram is going to return to you soon. Please wait for me, as I will soon find my way back to you. 

Ram spoke to herself as she headed along the lean, decorative corridors of the Roswaal manor. Some things were familiar, other things were not, but this world exists; thus, a road to hers shall as well. She is going to leave eventually, and she is glad to have the support. 

Therefore, Ram is not going to be restarting life in another world from zero. Who’d ever do that?

Chapter Text

It was a colder evening. Pretty chilly, even if the great spirit wasn't around to mind his business anymore. It could have been worse, but Ram didn't care. Cold is cold, why must temperatures go below “Not hot”? 

“That's the balance of life. Sometimes temperatures get cold, and you just gotta deal with that, my beloved.” 

Ram pouted. The demon girl, for a brief moment, turned into a cat girl to purr at the man who just entered with those words.

“Whatever, Barusu. Cast the fucking spell. RIGHT NOW.” The pink-haired oni was burning on the inside, being frozen to death. 

“I'm out of mana. Sorry. Got a little too excited in the spar earlier.” The boy clicked his tongue as he stuck it out, pretending to be a humble, nonchalant soul, as his arms raised a dark brown blanket and slowly draped it around her, wrapping her entire body. 

Ram clenched it tightly as she slightly scooted to the side of the bed to let him take a seat, though her gaze, the one thing that Barusu would describe as colder than the temperature around, betrayed the warmer action.

“Idiotic manservant lifeless magical ni-” 

“OH COME ON!” Barusu groaned, “Where did your creativity go, Ram? Stop resorting to Emilia-tan's insults.” 

“If your masochistic ass had the polite decency not to waste mana reserves on fake fights, maybe then Ram’s brain would not have been frozen by the wind and been allowed to think normally!” Ram reported without skipping a beat. 

“Ahhhhhh!” Barusu raised his finger. “As you can see, the blanket is working absolutely splentastically, and thus you were able to dish out an even better insult!” 

The shine of Barusu’s bright, stupid face caused Ram’s eyes to narrow. 

“Tch, you don't deny having a masochist kink, and in fact, even invent words in the laziest format possible to support that argument.” Ram leaned in closer to his face, causing her man to clench his jaws. Ram pouts and turns her face away from him. 

"What a sad man Ram had chosen to court." She smirked just a little.

“Hey, I-” 

Ram tackles Barusu’s chest on the bed, with the side of her head, as she causes both of them to topple over. She does not look at him as she gently rests her head on his torso, slowly climbing her way up and parking her head right below his chin.

“At least your heart is working. Maybe there's hope for you, but there has been since Ram decided to court you three months ago.” 

Barusu does not have to see her face to know that Ram is smiling. 

“Can’t believe we went through all that, and it has been only three months.” 

“It has already been merely three months indeed…” Ram sighs. 

Barusu wraps his hands around her. “Here’s to three more centuries.”

Ram does not fight him back, but merely returns the hug, locking her legs to his as well, resting there as both of them drift slowly into a cosy slumber… 

… 

“...Tea?” 

Huh?

“Would you like some tea, Ram-su?” Ram is awoken from her daydream by the gentle voice of Frederica. 

Oh, right. Ram today was brought into another world, after all. 

Ram shook her head and leaned in closer, “Yes, Ram wouldn’t mi—… Ram-su?” The nickname certainly knocked the heavens out of the little bit of nostalgic memory that Ram was actively reminiscing about just prior.

Frederica giggled as she set the tray down on the table and set the cup down. “This nickname was of my choice!” The blonde maid spoke as she poured the steaming tea into the ceramic cup. “In the few hours you’ve been here, the name has already caught on, victorious over the others’ suggestions.”

Ram’s fingers wrapped around the handle of the cup, briefly blowing air onto the steaming drink, as she took a savoury sip of the tea. Her eyebrows raised for a brief second before they relaxed again.

“It seems Ram’s local self does not differ in the taste of the tea we prefer. At least something is normal around here.” Frederica smiled as Ram took another sip. “Ram-su, huh? How did you come up with that?” 

“It was rather easy. The ‘Su” from Subaru’s name that you’ve chosen not to use, I added it to yours, since it is the defining difference between you and the Ram from here. It is still hard to believe you managed to catch feelings for Subaru, and to woo him no less. I personally could not imagine that ever happening myself.”

Ram set the tea down, having finished a surprising quantity of it. “In Ram’s world, you had not returned to the manor again. Rem and Ram continue to manage the mansion by ourselves, so I could never have imagined you would return.” Ram grabbed the cup again as she finished her retort.

Frederica pondered the thought for a moment and sighed, “Well, again, this… ‘muhlteavarso’ is a concept I understand nothing about. I guess with Rem by your side, there was no reason to write a letter to ask me to return. It is nice to see you are not too different even in another reality.” Frederica nodded, amused by the information. 

Setting her cup down, the doppelganger in another world from almost zero spoke, “Ram has rested here for quite some time now; it is perhaps time to get out. The tea has been wonderfully prepared, Frederica. Now, where may I find Baru hiding about?”

“Ah, he’s with Lady Beatrice in the library, last I met them.”

Ram winced, “Well… this shall take some time.” She shuddered, thinking about all the doors she had t—

“—The library is down the hall and two doors to the left. It's a normal library; the forbidden library no longer exists. This is the Manor's old library, which nobody ever visits, but it is well-maintained. Perfect for a good nap… ahem."

Ram’s eyes widened as she began to cough. Today, as Barusu would put it, has brought about a clusterfuck of surprises. And none of them were Barusu proposing to her. Though Ram has to admit, this is very, very, very convenient.

“Ram-su, looks like our world has some advantages over yours,” Frederica smirked, as she gathered the teacups. “Have fun!” She said as she took the tray, galloping away in the opposite direction towards the kitchen, leaving the door open behind her. 

Ram did not waste a moment. After snapping herself back to reality, accepting that she—and this world—would be full of surprises, she quickly got up, tucked in her chair, before making her way to the room door, gently closing it after Frederica rudely (or perhaps it was rather supportively?) left the door open. She slowly goes down the path that the tall maid spoke about earlier, and she arrives at the library entrance that she spoke about earlier, admiring the view as breathy pants escaped her lips, her legs growing tired of the long, arduous task of walking for one whole minute.

The door was larger compared to the other doors, and wow, Frederica did not exaggerate. This room was surprisingly well-maintained. She thought to herself as she walked through the large door frame with a soft stride. 

Even beyond the entrance, the library was pretty clean. It was the cleanest library Ram had laid eyes on. No other library could rival this one in terms of cleanliness. If it were any cleaner, Ram would see her reflection on the walls and floor. 

Although this is a fact that only applies to the first aisle of the library. Now, now, dear reader. Do not mistake the Great Ram’s words earlier as complete lies; this lovely demon has a perfectly honest soul after all! It's just… when books lie on the floor, in just the second aisle—simply scattered—when the library itself is a mere five-aisle library, they tend to, for lack of a better term, ruin the clean image advertised by the entrance. The floor is still clean, but organisation is a part of neatness, after all!

Why this stupid rant? Well, Ram is too busy looking at Baru, along with Lady Beatrice, on the floor, reading a book each with sheer dedication. Their faces were glued to the respective books. Ram was no fool; she could figure out that they were here to help her, so it was particularly hard to take their attention for a minute, hence Ram had to rant about the uncleanliness, though the number of books on the floor made it easy to find them, so did she have any right to complain? 

Yes, she did, she was a maid, and more work for maids is always, annoying as fuck. 

She, after admiring the two enough, walked up to them. They were so lost in the book, the two had yet to notice Ram’s arrival. How peculiar. 

She cleared her throat, but still no attention. Ram knows this is a library, but it is still rather a little too quiet. She calmly lowered her body, crouching down to their levels, and Ram was FLABBERGASTED. She noticed a tiny problem:

Oh my fucking god. Frederica was not lying. 

“WHAT A LOVELY TIME IN THE EVENING IS IT, AND WHAT A LOVELY PLACE TO SLEEP IS THAT NOT RIGHT?!!?!” Ram spoke in a voice that was perhaps just a little higher than every librarian that has ever existed would have enjoyed.

It was loud enough, however, to wake the contractor and the contractee up, which is all that Ram thought about. 

The sound of the Alaram (hah! Get it? Alarm + Ra- oh, ok, nvm) drilled into their ears, and caused a quake in their bodies, and within the next five seconds, they both had bounced their legs up to stand, Baru even letting go of the the book that Ram was gracious enough to let drop on her head. 

Ram also promptly stood up, rubbing the top of her head, wincing for a minute, though it was not a particularly painful hit. 

“This library is really good, comfortable and cosy enough for a nap, I suppose.” Beatrice said, hiding her matoe’d face behind the book.

“Well, Lady Beatrice, Ram is not mad; Ram is disappointed. Disappointed in you specifically. Aren’t you supposed to be a librarian? You’re the last spirit Ram would ever expect to break the sanctity of the library. It is honestly rather baffling that this situation had even occurred.”

The drill-haired spirit was simply shaken. Her heart has been hammered by words that cannot be bandaged. “Y-You…” She tried to speak up, but there was no coming back from the shots of the fastest quipper of the east. The spirit’s spirit had faltered to the heavens. 

Baru, at that very moment, chose to speak up. “Well, looks like I got to be fre—”

“OHHHHHH Baru-kun, you never promised Ram you would be sleeping in the evenings, now won’t you. And oh my, here I was, five minutes ago, maybe even less, admiring your efforts. Also…” Ram bent down to grab the book Baru dropped, and merely touched it on his head. “That was for dropping the book.” 

“Hey, that.. Did not hurt!” Baru simply had that stupid, sexy smile that his idiotically handsome face loved to make. 

“It will be the next time. Ram is a benevolent demon, and is intelligent enough to recognise that you at least attempted to do something good.” She nodded her head.

“Tch, still, at least think about the poor maids that will have to clean up the mess that you’ve made on this floor. Had you two slept any longer, they would have cleaned you two up as well.” Ram concludes, gesturing across the floor.

“Hmm,” Beatrice puffs her chest. “As a librarian, I suppose I can place the books again onto their correct racks without much difficulty indeed. Should be a piece of cake, I suppose!” She quips, clearly influenced by her contractor’s mode of speech.

With the snap of her fingers, Beatrice uses the magical spell of plot convenience to have those books float back into their respective spaces. Or so Ram assumes, but it is a fair assumption considering it's a former librarian she is dealing with here, butttt she was just breaking the sanctity of the library, so….

“Whoa,” Ram's thoughts are minya’d away by Baru’s voice, “I never knew you could do that, Beako.” Baru comments on his contracted spirit as he begins gently patting her head (IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! NOT HER! - Ram's thoughts go wild), which the spirit pretends to hate but does not resist.

Ram crosses her arms, “Well, Lady Beatrice, Ram supposes you always could have done that, which makes the earlier sight even more disappointing. This state of affairs cannot even be called sad; the fact that someone managed to be lazier than the soft-handed Baru is a feat not even the sword saint could achieve. There would be more to say, but Ram’s delicate body grows tired already, and so she will rest her throat for the time being.” 

Ram was not particularly jealous of any head pats; she just needed to get those words out because they just so happened to dance in her throat like puke. She sighs, a rather deep sigh, and looks for a seat, which she cannot find at the moment, before deciding to lean on Baru’s side, startling the poor man, not letting Beatrice react to the words flung at her. 

“Well, Ram can’t deny that she’s grateful to you both for trying to help her. Any luck so far?” Ram grabs onto Baru’s tracksuit, continuing to lean on him. She knows this isn’t her Barusu, but at this instance, Ram only wishes to judge this book by its cover.

“Well, we have fewer books to read regarding the matter. It would be helpful to have a start point, though, I suppose.” The spirit shrugs. 

Subaru sighs, now getting used to having Ram on his side, “A start is a start. Though I don’t know how much longer it's gonna take.” 

Ram winces, “Well, Baru, living in another universe is not an ideal that I must choose to avoid,  but it's not like Ram needs to be back urgently–” Ram’s voice stops in her throat, her mouth agape, and her eyes unblinking—an unnatural stillness for the fair maid.

“Uhhhh, Ram-su?” Subaru shakes the life back into her, who does not speak loudly, but continues to mumble something.

“What? You gotta be louder, Ram-su!”

“OH FUCK!” Ram exclaims, now fully pushing Baru to the side, and opting to clench her head instead. “That’s why Ram has been feeling down for some time now. But it's a few hours too early today…” Ram lowers herself and crouches down on the floor.

Subaru and Beatrice are left to tilt their heads, Subaru’s eyes having a hint of concern, while Beatrice’s eyes wonder how much her contractor rubbed off on the poor maid in the other universe.

Subaru calmly places a hand on her shoulder and crouches down to her. “What’s the matter, Ram-su?”

“Ram needs her mana treatment, as quickly as possible… She has drained a decent amount of mana by the looks of it today, although Ram does not recall when today she used enough mana to find herself lacking at this hour itself.”

“Mana treatment?” Baru responds as he helps her get up. “Is that what you do with Roswall every night?”

Ram’s heart stings with that fact. Of course, her other self still needs Roswaal to do it. This is embarrassing. Really, really embarrassing.. Ram nods while grunting.

“Well, it's not Roswaal-sama anymore. Ram gets her treatments… from Barusu, thrice a day usually, though once a day does suffice, though usually, it's at night, and not now for Ram, though now would be preferable, as I seem to have expended a lot more mana today than usual, though Ram is unaware how?” 

Beatrice nods and thinks for a moment. “Perhaps that might be the clue to this all, I suppose.”

“What do you mean, Lady Beatrice?”

“Is it really that hard of a topic to understand, maid-su? I suppose that you do babble too much to actually think sometimes.” Beatrice finally takes the jab that she had been waiting for, getting a small chuckle out of Subaru and a groan from Ram. “You might have used a lot of that mana to transport yourself here, maid-su.” 

“Ah, Ram sees. Your hypothesis does have merit, Lady Beatrice.” Ram acknowledges defeat in this battle. 

“Well, that’s one more step ahead!” Subaru comments enthusiastically. “But now, we need to get your treatment, well, I guess that’s it for the reading for the day, let's go speak with Ros-chi–”

“NO!” Ram’s word was louder than the screeches of a cultist who had seen the witch of envy. Subaru, who was particularly closer to Ram, went deaf for 0.67 seconds before reorienting himself. 

“WAIT, WHY NOT?” Subaru asked, rubbing his right ear, which was still ringing quite a lot. 

“Well…” Ram’s face reddened as she looked down. “Ram left his treatments and gets them from you now. It would be asking a lady to leave her husband for her previous, why make such a scandalous remark, Baru?”

Subaru’s heart did not take the damage Ram hoped for with that jab. “Y-you can’t guilt-trip me, Ram-su!. It's not like I can give you any mana-based help. My gate is broken, unlike your Barusu, who is this perfect mage.” Subaru at least took a hit from the words, by the looks of it.

Ram winced, “BUT YOU-” Ram stopped herself and sighed. “Well, if not you, who else is going to treat Ram, Baru? Because she sure as hell is not getting them from Roswaal–sama.”

… 

No no no no no no fuck no. 

DEAR OD, WHY?

…

How Ram was resting her head on Emilia’s lap is a mystery that she does not wish for you to figure out. Really, her? The… location was comfortable at the very least, and she could see why a guy would find appeal here. 

BUT HER??? HER LITERAL FORMER LOVE RIVAL INSTEAD OF THE MAN OVER WHOM THE RIVALRY WAS OVER? 

WHY IN THE TATOE TOAST FUCK HAS THE OD CURSED HER SO MUCH??? 

And the worst part? Emilia was pretty good at administering care. She could very easily get used to this.

BUT BARUSU’S MAGIC IS ON A WHOLE ANOTHER LEVEL THAT PRETTY GOOD WOULD BE AN INSULT OVER A COMPLIMENT TO DESCRIBE IT, AND SOMETHING THIS HALF DEVIL (Dear reader, Ram had a severe and continuous lapse in judgement, racism is never ok, please forgive her for this incident, and trust that Ram is a great enough demon that one minor fumble should not define your views on her. - Ram’s Lawyer) CANNOT EVER HOPE TO REPLICATE. 

But it was still pretty good–

NO RAM! BAD RAM! STAY DOWN! BARUSU IS ALL YOU NEED. 

Ram groaned as her lovely treatment continued in private. She misses Barusu. She makes a resolve: if nothing else, she will make it back to her Barusu eventually.

Chapter Text

Ram’s nimble fingers gently spread the dough.. As usual, Rem was a professional at cutting vegetables. 

“Oh yes, Rem, good work out there!” Barusu compliments. He has assigned himself the role of helpless cheerleader. 

Ram’s eyebrows twitch. She throws a nearby pan at Barusu. 

“Nee-sama, please do not kill your beloved. You will feel a little sad later.” Rem responds after using her masterful knife skills to calmly set the knife aside, catch the pan, grab the knife, and resume cutting her vegetables.

“Whoa! Superb Knife skills, Rem-rin!” Barusu compliments again. A moment passes. His eyes widened. “And what do you mean by ‘a little sad’? Just a little sad?” Barusu despaired, once more grabbing onto his chest. “Together for five months and you’re only going to be A LITTLE SAD?” He drops down to his knees. “That hurts more than the pan you failed to throw at me, Ram.”

“Continue to enamour yourself with my own sister, and I have another pan here that is not so little.” Ram finishes spreading the dough on a second base, though the edges have received a Ram finger-shaped imprint. 

Barusu gulped, followed up with a smirk of his own before sharply pointing a finger at her. “I-I will not dish out compliments for a half-done job now. You are my beloved, so naturally, you shall be held to the highest standard.” He spoke, wagging his finger.

“Barusu, a man who does nothing and lets his woman do all the work, has no right to complain about standards.”

“You know Ram? You’d be a figurehead of the feminist movement had you been born fourteen hundred years later.”

Ram grabs the matoe sauce prepared earlier, spreading it across the dough, not understanding a single word that left Barusu’s mouth. 

“See! You’re doing great now. That is a good spreading technique. The sauce is plentiful and is being evenly distributed across the entire base.”

“Barusu, if this Pozza does not taste good, your blood is what would be spread on this base instead.”

“Nee-sama, Nee-sama! The Pozza will be the best, most mouth-watering cuisine ever, because you’re working on it after all!”

Barusu groans. “IT'S CALLED A PIZZA, AND YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT WILL TASTE GOOD!”

“Pozza,” Ram blanks, focusing on spreading the delicious cheese across the bases with respectable spreading movement. 

“Pozza,” Rem echoes, adding the cut vegetables to the large base.

Barusu sighs, lamenting the natural forces of the world that cause people to change the names of food by just enough of a gap that it remains recognisable, yet annoyingly distinct. 

Together, the sisters place the tray of pozzas into the old oven, worn and familiar.

“Now, we wait,”  Barusu says, setting the timer on his stopwatch. “Thirty Minutes.”

“Rem will tend to the dining table, setting preparations for the meals until then.” Rem nods and walks towards the door, stopping right by the door frame. “Don’t get too flirty with Rem gone now.” She giggles like a village dame before walking away, leaving the couple alone.

One could say their faces are redder than the sauces spread on the pozzas at that particular moment.

“Rem has been getting a little too confident with her words as of late.” Ram nods to Barusu’s words. 

“Ram never expected her sister to grow into such a monster. A pity, truly.” Barusu nods furiously. 

“Well, it's not like you are an angel by comparison.” Barusu remarks.

“Oh, cheap insults, how original, dear Barusu. Have you no heart, insulting a maiden and her sister?”

“Well, of course I wouldn’t. Not since that very maiden stole it anyway.” Barusu goes on the attack.

The attack damage proves effective. A Critical hit! 

She reacts accordingly. “Another pity. Barusu, it looks like you will forever remain a heartless man.”

A mere small smile. It was not very effective. 

Ram goes on the counterattack, and she leans in closer. Her hand goes on his chest. She presses her fingers against his chest. “Ba~ru~su. There still lies an empty hole where your heart should be. Without one, you’d die. Ram cannot have that; she needs to see how awful your face looks when you eat the Pozza after all.”

She giggles. His eyes lock into hers. She notices a faint blush on his face. 

The attack was effective.

Ram smirks. “Your heart needs a replacement. What do we put in there? Ram’s own heart is a princess; she wouldn’t merely walk away.”

Looking off to her side, the pink demoness leaned closer. Drawing herself nearer, Ram grapples him, pressing her ear to his now drumming chest. “Well, well. It seems Ram’s heart never needed to wander—she’s already found her home within you. Trapped. How cruel, Ba~ru~su.”

She returned her eyes to his own.

It was super effective.

Their eyes held each other’s gaze. Ram broke the hug and stood up again. Now standing on her heels, truly eye level now.

“Terrible attacks have struck us both. We’ve both been extremely weakened. If only there were an instant remedy to revive us.” Barusu laments.

Barusu places a hand on her waist, swiftly drawing her closer. Ram quickly grabs his shoulders, snaking her arms around his neck. He retaliates by wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Ram may just know the remedy to that.”

Barusu chuckles. “Well, try it on me. Careful, I may just get addicted.”

Their faces drew closer, their breaths beginning to mix. (Oh my fucking god, how much are you mother fuckers gonna lean in; Tower of Pisa ahh.) Their noses brushed against one another. Their lips made contact. They kissed passi– 

“WOW, you two did not wait at all.” Rem suddenly appeared from outside the moment of the duo, utterly shattering their heated moment, all while she giggled like an archbishop.

The couple broke off before chuckling.

—REM! You saw nothing.” (Insolent wench, you knew the heat was rising. You should have stayed back.)

“Ah, Nee-sama, Subaru-kun. Rem has merely completed her duties early after all. There was no reason to linger.” (Ah nee-sama, REM IS A BELIEVER OF LOVE. I cannot be dishonest to the feelings of your true love after all. Rem is here precisely because the heat rose.)

“Oh, uh… Hi, Rem,” Barusu spoke, unaware of the mental exchange between the sisters, simply too embarrassed to have been caught.

“Well, it looks like the oven is going to take a lot more time; maybe Rem was too quick with her duties, Hee~Hee.” Rem made a shit faced grin while the couple cursed the Od. Barusu’s fist was clenched, ready to punch that smile off her face.

“Yes, sister. You were too quick. I suppose you have done a sloppy job. Go take a look. In fact, you’ve done a sloppy job all over the manor today. Why don’t you go and explore the manor?” Ram tried to counter.

“Hnngghh Oh nee-sama!” Rem began to speak, walking closer to the duo. “Today, Rem feels very inspired by you. Rem shall wait along here with you two.” She stops, making a spot between them.

“The heat in this kitchen is increasing to a devilish degree after all. It would be a huge shame to let you both die here of the heat alone. What’s a thirty-minute wait anyway?” She giggles, much to the annoyance of the couple. 

This was the longest thirty minutes in the life of Barusu and Ram as a couple. They tried to strike at each other, but Rem was just humming a tune she heard from the village, and that grin had never truly vanished. They weren’t sure if it was the heat, but Ram could swear that grin got wider, and her teeth whiter.  

They simply endured the silence. The couple would continue what was interrupted in the kitchen tonight. For now, Rem was a little shit. They would punish her later.

They never got to do that, as the Pozza had arrived, and it tasted great. Ram discovered her new favourite food. One that she can cook herself as well! Barusu remarked that this goes well with her other favourite food, Garlac Bread.

Ram didn’t realise how much more lovable her sweetheart could get. 

… 

It has been a few days now since she was separated from her Barusu. 

To recap, Ram is from a world that was not her world.  The few days she was here, it did not take much to accept her situation. Days go by with her helping around the manor, with the ladies happy to have the extra help of a fourth maid, spending time in the library trying to find her way back, and having conversations with the people around, getting accustomed to the differences in their worlds.

Everyone was friendly and tried to accommodate her in their own way. One had even volunteered to go find answers from outside the manor.

The big difference in their worlds is how Baru, here, does not love her, but Emilia instead. Her worst fears were coming true. He had also claimed to love her own sister, who was in a coma, forgotten by the world. What a lecherous pervert, seducing two women.  

Her own counterpart? She regarded him as a little brother. Baru called her Nee-sama. How heart-piercing of him, that moron. Alternate universes suck. 

She is also growing accustomed to the nickname given to her. Ram-su. The Su from Barusu, affixed to her name. How lovely. How foreign she must have felt. She relished how Emilia’s eyes had the faintest twitch whenever her nickname was spoken. Emilia’s feelings are bound. Ram’s relief unbound. 

Right now, they have just concluded breakfast. Once again, unseasoned tatoe salad. Soon after eating, Baru opted to take her to a particular room. He said that he had to show her something. Something important, now that it had been a few days, and Ram had been accustomed to the world. 

He led her through the winding hallways. The new manor was not architecturally different from the old one, but it had its own differences that became obvious the longer she spent her time here. 

Baru stopped walking the moment they arrived at a door. A plain door that wasn’t decorated any differently from the other doors in the manor. It had a slight difference. A knob of blue colour. The room was a little inside, but there was nothing special about it from behind the door.

“Here we are,” Baru spoke, breaking the silence of earlier in the day,  “I’d like you to meet someone.”

Before Ram could ask Baru what he meant, Baru opened the door. The room was ordinary, with no special decorations inside. The walls were as bland as most, nothing to intrigue whoever the guest may be. There was a bed, covered with plain white bedsheets, and a blanket covering up most of the body of the person resting on it.

The only thing visible from their distance was the distinct blue h—

Oh.

They slowly took the steps closer. The face became clearer with every centimetre closer. 

Ram won’t deny it.  She was avoiding this place. She did not wish to accept it. The scenario was too surreal to even be considered as reality. 

Ram gently crouched down by the bedside. Her fingers traced the edge of the bed as her eyes focused intensely on the subject resting on it.

Before, Ram could simply pretend she was away. Baru was simply too deep in a lie. She did not ask him further. Did not wish to.

Now however? Ram had no choice but to accept it. Rem was in a coma.

This was not her Rem. But the face was the same. Her voice must have been, too. She sleeps just like her, so her heart aches for her own sister. Aches for herself, feeling guilty for avoiding this.

“Ram feels ashamed. A part of her is relieved; this is not truly Ram’s Rem. This is a mere variant of Rem. Another part of her is guilty. Ra–… I am sorry, Rem. I did not have the strength to face your reality.” Ram broke the silence that had enveloped the place, briefly. 

Baru crouched down by her side. “Well, I am sure Rem would be understanding. A little too understanding, but understanding nonetheless.” He remarked. 

Ram merely put her head down in shame. 

“It was only a few days ago when Ram was with her sister. Not much has occurred in the few days we have been separated, except for one rather major difference.” Ram chuckles.

“I come here every day, you know?” Baru adds. “I just. Every day. I know, she’s probably not hearing anything I have to say.” He sighs.

“But everyone has forgotten her, including yourself.” Ram faintly winces. Baru continues, “Someone has to let her know what’s going on in the camp, right? She’s a member too. Of course, Ram also visits Rem. But she can’t talk about the good times, now can she?”

“Baru,” Ram gets up, moving closer, placing an arm on Baru’s shoulder. She gives a stern gaze. “If you believe Ram is going to thank you for this,” 

Ram leans on her heels and gives him a soft head pat, “Then you would be right, Baru.”

Ram takes a step behind, giving a glance at Rem. “My Rem has lived a good life the past year, unseduced by you, of course.” Baru drops a sweat.

“Hey–”

“Ram does thank you for bringing her here, Baru. However, to the memories of this Rem, Ram would be a mere woman sharing skin with her sister, but as familiar as a girl from Gusteko.” She adds.

“Therefore, Ram has no right to be here; it would be a mockery of the memories your Ram had forgotten were ever made,”  Ram announces. 

“Ram-su…” Baru sighs. “Well, it is your decision after all. I won’t interfere with it.” Subaru nods.

“Though, Ram-su,” He adds, “I suppose you don’t really need my permission to visit this room after all.” Baru chuckles.

“The only power you’ve held over Ram is the directions to this room, Baru. Unfortunately, you gave up your only strategic advantage; how pitiful.” Ram smirks, moving along to the door, before she pauses and gently turns her head around. 

“Come on then, Baru. Let Rem sleep peacefully. We’ll continue this conversation outside.” She says as she moves. 

Baru smiles as they get out. He gives her a serene look and mentally plans to visit her tomorrow, before closing the door. They spend a few moments in silence.

“So,” Ram starts, as they take a few steps away from the room. “How did Rem get ‘forgotten’ anyway?” 

“Well, it was after the White Whale fight, I don’t know if you had that, but we killed the White Whale! She was injured, and there was still a Witch Cult’s attack to happen, which I forbade her from coming to. So she returned with the injured fighters of the Crusch camp, where, although I do not know the details, I do know that the Sin Archbishop of Gluttony was present. He has a power—an authority, as it's called—where he can eat a person’s name or memories. Eat your name, you’re forgotten. Eat your memories, you forget everything. Eat both… You end up like Rem.” Baru sighs.

Ram winces, taking in the information. This sounds like trouble they were fortunate enough not to encounter yet. “That must have been tough. The White Whale was slain in Ram’s universe as well. There was no army to retreat, however, so Rem had no issues.”

Baru is intrigued. “What do you mean, no army, Ram-su? Did everyo–”

“Baru, there was no army to retreat. No army had left to fight the whale in the first place.”

Ram took a small pause, “Only one man was enough, after all.”

Baru stopped. “Wait, you had Reinh–”

“—The sword saint was busy with other endeavours Ram never cared to learn about. On the night of the attack, we were all surprised. It was just you, me, Rem, and Emilia. Most of the work was done by you, after all.”

Ram kept moving along, leaving Baru alone, stumped.

“Don’t get stuck regretting opportunities you never had, Baru. That face you’re making is pathetic. Ram does not even have to see it.”

Baru is snapped out of his trance, “Ram-su… I hate how surprisingly well you know me. Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said we were dating, huh? Even if it sounds weird to say. How did you fight the Witch Cult anyway? Because I doubt your universe is a little too different from mine.” He begins walking behind her.

Ram, “When has Ram ever lied? She was not lying about your status as a mage. She does not lie when she now says we, unlike you people, have built a small army for oursel–”

“A SMALL ARMY!”

“Paid a living wage by Lady Emilia of the Emilia camp, with job benefits provided by Barusu himself, so they are a loyal bunch,” Ram adds smugly. 

“They had evacuated Arlam with Roswaal-sama’s help after immediately noticing their presence at the sanctuary, and Baru, you had arrived in time to seal away Petelgeuse, who was virtually unkillable. Something about a new spell you made at the time called the Ol Sha–”

“HA!” Baru did not care to listen to this mystic spell, “We had managed to slay him FOR GOOD! Finally, a victory we have over yours!” Baru grinned like a lousy twat. 

Ram’s eyebrow twitched, then she sighed. “A pity. A sad state of affairs. One minor victory, achieved on a mere technicality, but it is a virtually indistinguishable result from Ram’s own. An utter sad state of affairs. Yes, it had to be said twice.” Ram strikes an obviously fake, tearful look, but it does the damage that she had intended.

Baru groans. “Hey! Pardon me for celebrating the victories. What do you think? Is your universe perfect?”

Ram smiles, going on the attack, taking a few steps closer to Baru. “Obviously. Ram is perfection in oni form, after all. Her own universe is pretty much perfect as well. After all,” Ram leans in closer, standing right in front of him, “My universe is the one where I chose to be your sweetheart, after all.” She says, placing her right index finger on his lip, and letting it linger there.

The attack was super effective.

Baru has been rendered immobile.

Ram has achieved a total victory.

She gently removes her hand and sighs. “It is rather easy to tease you, Baru. Your defences are, as you would say, ‘absolutely shit.’” Ram grins devilishly, taking a step back, “You do not have the training Ram had imparted on you for a year, and it, unfortunately, shows. Well, then.” Ram takes a few more steps behind.

“Ram has maid duties. She has lingered enough. See you some other time, Baru.”

Ram speaks as she takes her steps away from Baru, and turns to the right of the corridor, leaving Baru stumped, with his face as red as a matoe.

“Wow, I really, really, really hate how well this woman knows me; it is actually scary.” Baru mutters calmly, before shuddering, and taking his leave, preferring to bother the ever-so beautiful Emilia-tan instead. 

Ram did catch the sentence as she was leaving and left a small smile. Her mind, however, stays on what she spoke earlier. 

Ram did choose Barusu. That is a fact. Ram loves Barusu. Another fact. Baru is similar, but he is not the same. Another fact. Also, the reason Ram’s heart is not truly swayed by him.

The fourth fact in a row. 

Ram was not feeling conflicted over her feelings between Baru and Barusu. She loves Barusu in a way she decided she could never love Baru, even if they share a face.

Ram just wants to be married to Barusu already, after all. Being here just accelerates the growth of that desire. 

Ram really hopes that he proposes as soon as she returns. Truly, that idiot. Why must he make a maiden wait? Why must—

“—WAAAAAAAAAAH!” A soft thud hits the floor, with the clunk of a broom dropping. Ram takes a step back and properly examines the situation. 

In conversation with herself. Ram does not realise that when she walked into the little shit of the manor, who was simply too occupied with cleaning to notice her walk by. 

All in all, it was Petra-chan’s fault she fell. 

She looked at the girl. In her world, she was just another child in Arlam. Existed, but was not really a part of their lives. Here, she is a more involved presence that couldn’t have been ignored. Not the worst helper around. 

“Ehhh, Ram-su?” Petra spoke after noticing the red string on her pinky finger. 

“You can get up; the place has been sufficiently cleaned.” Ram offers a hand. 

In response, Petra’s stomach growls. They both sigh. 

“What were you doing at breakfast, young lady?” Ram asks sternly. She looks down.

“I– uh, didn’t think I was hungry. So I skipped it.” Petra says, placing a hand over her growling stomach. 

It was a stupid answer. A foolish answer. An idiotic answer. Kids are fucking stupid, Ram concluded.

“This is absolutely no way to be a maid.” Ram grabs her hand.

“Your duties have been paused until you get some food.” Petra sighs as Ram drags her into the kitchen. 

Petra attempts to protest, but Ram was having none of it, dragging her to the kitchen.

“AHHH I AM SORRY, THE REAL REASON I DIDN’T EAT IS BECAUSE THE FOOD HAS GOTTEN BORING.” Ram stops yet again, right at the kitchen. 

Petra continues, “I mean, there is so much of the same food you can have. I am tired of Unseasoned Tatoe salads every day for breakfast for the past three months.”

Ram has been attacked. “YOU LITTLE SH–!” Ram pauses and takes a good look at her face.

Puppy dog eyes. The weakness of everyone in the world.  

“…Alright,” Ram says. “No breakfast is terrible, don’t do that again.” Ram scolds, Petra nods.

“However, in exchange, Ram supposes she can cook something… new.” There wasn’t a lot of time left for lunch either. Around three hours. Frederica and her resident self can handle the cleaning duties until then.

“New?” Petra gulped. The prospect excited her, but Ram was cooking. Ram ignored the negative energy channelling from the girl, instead focusing on looking for a few specific ingredients in the kitchen. 

She rummaged through the fruits and was surprised not to see them here. Her eyes went to where the vegetables were stored, and she immediately noticed a bright red.

So Baru has not convinced the others that Matoes were a fruit here, is that so?  She commented. She looked at the section, happy to see there were enough for serving a few to everyone. 

She then looks towards the dairy, impressed with how vast this kitchen is, and finds a large quantity of milk. No cheese, though.

“I suppose we have the ingredients and time to make enough cheese.” 

She rummages through the boxes and also finds some ready bread dough.

“Not the exact one, but this too shall work. It appears there is enough for everyone. The oven is working too. We can make them. A great variety of vegetables, too, the toppings shall be plentiful.”

Petra silently observed Ram, making a mess of the place, looking for the specific ingredients. “Uh, Ram-su? What is it that you are planning for lunch?”

“One of the greatest dishes that your world has never learned has existed.” She stands triumphantly, raising her index finger to the ceiling, before pointing it at Petra.

“All the way from Baru’s homeland, Ram presents to you, The Pozza. We will be making this for everyone. It is a surprise.”

Petra’s eyes widened, “From Subaru-kun’s homeland!” A smile widens on her face.

Petra has a realisation. A terrifying one. She shudders. “But you will be the one who is making it.” 

Ram sighs, “Well, Petra-chan. WE will be making this. Ram promises that this will be the best-tasting dish of your life, especially since this is Ram’s best-ever dish.” 

Petra is not fully confident, and it is evident in her face. 

“That is what Ram-san usually says before cooking unseasoned tatoe salad for the hundredth day in a row.” She judges the woman in front of her.

Ram’s heart takes a deep strike. She shakes it off, as there are more pressing matters at hand.

“Ha– ha–ha.” She laughs awkwardly. “This dish has some seasoning. A lot of it. Flavour, it has plenty. Once you eat it, you shall be addicted. If my words do not convince you, then once you taste it, you’ll understand how superior Ram’s culinary skills are compared to her local counterpart.”

Ram reassures her, “There may be a lot of people across the four nations who are better chefs than Ram in many ways.”

Her gaze intensifies as she grabs Petra’s shoulders and stares right into them with a passionate fury. 

“But no one, and I mean, no one, out-Pozzas the Ram.”