Work Text:
Two days later, Agency
Atsushi was patting a moaning Dazai on the back. They had all been called back into the office, the pipes fixed. Kunikida was already fighting with the paperwork while Ranpo was watching him. Yosano had hidden herself away in the infirmary, claiming to check if any of the medicine had been damaged. They all knew that she wasn’t so keen on doing any of the paperwork either. Naomi wasn’t in today, something about school which had her dragging Jun’ichirō with her.
Kenji and Kyōka had mysteriously vanished the moment the word paperwork was mentioned. Atsushi couldn’t explain to himself why that might be. `Then again,´ he glanced at Kunikida who went berserker on his paper tower, with flames and all surrounding his form, `I can understand them leaving…´
“Kunikida-kun is so cruel,” Dazai whined, taking ahold of Atsushi’s other hand and rubbing his face against it. “How could he disturb our freedom like that?”
“You knew that we would have to get back to work one day,” Atsushi pointed out, not minding Dazai’s weird actions. “You’re like a cat, Dazai-san…”
“Then, pay this old cat attention, I need affection to go through this horrible work day,” mumbled the man, trying his best to give Atsushi puppy eyes.
It wasn’t working. It made Atsushi only roll his eyes at the man but he didn’t pull his hand away. He kept patting him and let Dazai nuzzle his hand. He was, maybe, a softie when it came to Dazai and indulging him in his whims.
“Do you think,” Atsushi blinked and looked down at a thoughtful looking Dazai, “if we don’t move… Kunikida-kun might forget we are here?”
“I don’t think it works like that, Dazai-san,” the words were spoken fondly.
There was a whine and Atsushi shook his head. He could understand the sentiment though, he would have rather stayed home with Dazai for a few more days. Work was calling though; they had gotten a few cases in and the pipes were fixed. There was nothing to keep them from working anymore, `Maybe I can ask the President for a vacation?´
“We can try, can’t we?”
“Of course, Dazai-san, we can certainly try.”
Ranpo, from his desk, watched the two with narrowed eyes, “Something fishy is going on here… I can’t put my finger on what though…”
“Why do say that, Ranpo-san?” Haruno asked, carrying a stack of papers over to his desk. “Here, the Presidents needs you to read and sign those.”
Ranpo hissed at the papers that landed with a thud next to him, “Evil! Begone!”
“Ranpo-san, you are the oldest here and yet, you’re acting so childish,” the woman rolled eyes before focusing back on Dazai and Atsushi. “Dazai-san is certainly very affectionate with Atsushi-kun, isn’t he?”
“Urgh, he is doing it to get out of paperwork,” he grumbled, looking in distaste at his own paperwork. “Since day one he’s been like that with Atsushi-kun. What was it that he said…? Ah right ‘That’s my little kitten, don’t you dare put your grubby paws on him!’, you should have seen his face when he said that.”
“Was it the scary one? With the weird smile and too much teeth?” Haruno asked, eyes till fixed on the two. “I am more surprised that Kunikida-san lets them goof off like that.”
“Would you try and get between Dazai and Atsushi-kun like that?” Ranpo asked her, poking at the first paper on his stack and pulling his hand quickly away, as if it would bite him. “Yosano has tried it once, I am sure she is still picking glitter out of her stash of plasters and bandages.”
“She sure curses about it still,” Haruno hummed, looking at Ranpo who was still poking the papers. “Oh, they won’t bite you-! Just do them!”
“You cannot make me!”
“I can and I will get the President involved, don’t make me get your father!” Haruno threatened, her glasses glinted.
Ranpo sulked at that, “No fair…”
Lunch time, café Uzumaki
“Weird,” Yosano muttered, watching Dazai through narrowed eyes.
“What’s weird?” Kunikida asked, looking up from the sandwiches and his tea.
“This!” she gestured to Dazai who was sitting with Atsushi. “Look at them!”
Frowning, the blond glanced to where she pointed and blinked. Dazai was sitting with Atsushi, there was nothing wrong about that, mind you. What could have Yosano calling it weird though, might be how the two sat in the booth. Dazai had one arm thrown over Atsushi’s shoulder and was feeding the boy from the bento boxes in front of them. That, he could admit, was really weird but it wasn’t that weird.
Dazai had started doing that a few weeks ago. He had quickly gotten used to that behavior, especially when he had asked about and Dazai had hissed him. Yes, actually hissing and baring his teeth at the blond.
“What about it?” he asked her, turning back to his lunch. “They’ve been doing that for weeks now.”
“Weeks?!” the woman nearly shrieked, her jaw slack.
Ranpo nodded from her right, studying the parfait in where to stick his spoon first, “Yup, Atsushi-kun has been bringing lunch for them now for weeks and Dazai has taken it upon himself to feed Atsushi-kun.”
“Atsu-nii is too soft on Dazai-san,” came Kyōka’s sudden voice, the girl slipping onto a stool next to Ranpo. “Dazai-san is shameless and using Atsu-nii as his personal cook.”
Yosano stared at them speechless, this was news for her! How could she have missed this!? That this was going on for weeks, where had she been all the time?
“Ah, that poor girl,” Kyōka muttered, watching as a girl was beelining for them, a determined look on her face. “3500 Yen she’ll leave in tears.”
“5500 Yen, Dazai hisses at her,” Ranpo told her, holding his hand up for her to shake.
“Stop betting on that already,” Kunikida told them and yet, “6000 Yen, he’s smiling creepily at her and then, handfeeds the brat with a smug expression.”
“Scolding them about betting and still doing it himself,” muttered Yosano, eyes fixed on the scene.
Thankfully, Kunikida didn’t hear her. The man was glancing at the booth while Kyōka outright stared. Yosano watched as the girl approached the booth, gesturing to Atsushi who smiled at her. She could see the scowl on Dazai’s face and how it darkened by the second. The girl was blushing and was holding something out to Atsushi before Dazai snapped. The man intercepted whatever the girl held out, an eerie smile on his face.
Ranpo grumbled from next to her while Kyōka looked smug. Kunikida took a bite of his sandwich and sipped his tea. Yosano watched on as Atsushi cutely tilted his head to the side and Dazai then held something up for him to eat. She heard two curses and looked at the three. Kunikida was holding his hand out while Ranpo scowled darkly and Kyōka sulked.
“He should piss around Atsushi-kun, honestly,” Ranpo muttered, not even glancing at the booth the two were sitting in.
“I was this close,” Kyōka muttered, “Dazai-san is such a guard dog… Worse than any father in guarding his daughter’s maidenhood.”
“He did say that the Brat belongs to him,” Kunikida pointed out, watching as the girl rushed with a pale face and teary eyes out. “He could have been nicer about it though.”
“And you claim this isn’t weird,” Yosano muttered, watching as Atsushi leaned closer to Dazai and began to feed the man. “This is NOT normal.”
The three ignored her and went back to their own food. Well, in Kyōka’s case, she ordered herself something and sulked together with Ranpo. `Something’s off with that picture…´
A few days later, Agency
Dazai was laying on the couch, bandages wrapped around his head and one arm in a sling. Yosano had a go at him after he had jumped out of a building and landed wrong. His wrist was just sprained but Yosano had threatened Dazai to keep the arm in the sling for at least today and keep it still. Ranpo had been with him and laughed at him, he had actually baited Dazai into jumping. But ssshhh, no one knew that and Kunikida was already frothing at the mouth.
The man was silent, something new for once, and staring at the ceiling of their office. It was different from his obnoxious self, especially when he would try and milk his injuries for all they were worth. A pleasant change, for one. Kunikida hoped it would stay that way. Yosano was back in the infirmary, looking for some painkillers that Dazai could take. She wouldn’t risk it with giving him anything heavy, not after last time and that dog incident.
“Of all the days,” Kunikida muttered from his desk, scribbling angrily on some papers. “You will make up for that, Ranpo-san!”
“Me!?” he sputtered, a shocked look on his face. “Why me?!”
“You were with him on that mission, therefor, you will write the reports and sign anything I need!” Kunikida glared at the detective.
“Cruel-! Monster,” Ranpo had slumped over his desk. “I will die-!”
“Dazai-san?” the door to the office opened and in stepped Atsushi, followed by Kyōka. “What happened to you? Yosano-san told me just now-!”
“Ah, Atsushi-kun,” the man moaned, flailing his good hand about. “I am dying-!”
Ranpo and Kunikida watched as Atsushi hurried to the man’s side, already fretting over him. Kyōka rolled her eyes when she saw how Dazai was milking his injuries and woe is me act. The smirk was very visible for her to see. `Atsu-nii… why do you always fall for his games?´ she made her way over to her desk, ignoring the two. Ranpo and Kunikida were both gaping by now, Atsushi had hurried away and gotten back with a tray of tea and something to snack on. Dazai had shot them a smug look before going back to his pitiful self and moaning about the pain.
The way Atsushi immediately tended to him, it had Ranpo narrowing his eyes. Something was nagging at him that something was off with that picture, how careful Atsushi brushed Dazai’s fringe out of his eyes and looked at the man. Kunikida was already plotting on how to get Dazai back for using Atsushi like that. That man was shameless in his antics.
“Can you sit up, Dazai-san?” Atsushi asked, his voice soft.
“Ah, the pain is too much,” he bemoaned, struggling in trying to sit up. “The world is spinning, Atsushi-kun!”
“Ah, let me help you!”
Ranpo was disgusted with how gentle Atsushi was being with the idiot. Dazai was really milking his injury for all it was worth. He could see the way the man flinched and whimpered; Atsushi was trying his best to be as gentle as possible. Of course, it wouldn’t work, Dazai was acting and there was no way that Atsushi could actually hurt him.
“Dazai-san… you have to be more careful,” the boy murmured, Dazai having sat up and was now leaning back into the couch. “You’re still needed here.”
“Ah, Atsushi-kun is the only one that worries for me,” Dazai cooed back, ignoring the boy’s words. “Everyone else is so heartless to me~!”
Atsushi flushed at the words and averted his eyes, it had Dazai smiling. His boyfriend was cute being so shy. `Ah… Why did I agree to keeping things professional at work?´
… Right, professional at work, Dazai was totally doing that and not using his injuries to get Atsushi to pay attention to him. Totally.
“Dazai-san?” Atsushi’s voice made Dazai blink and look at the boy. “Here, some tea for you.”
“Ah, thank you, Atsushi-kun,” the man grinned, letting Atsushi help him drink tea from the cup. “You’re such a good boy! Unlike some people I know.”
“That bastard-!” Kunikida hissed, fist clenching and breaking the pen in his hand. “Making the Brat cater to his every need like that-!”
“We could still murder him,” Kyōka proposed, just as pleased as Kunikida about the situation. “How dare he use Atsu-nii like that!”
“Dazai-san!” Atsushi’s gasp had them looking at the two on the couch again and deadpanning. “Careful-! What if I hurt you more?”
“You could never hurt me, Atsushi-kun!” came the coo.
Kunikida grimaced while Kyōka glared and Ranpo turned his head away. Seriously, Dazai was doing this on purpose, wasn’t he? He had pulled Atsushi in his lap, with his good hand, and now the boy was a flustered mess. Atsushi did look cute with that blush but the way Dazai cooed at him, it looked weird. `I feel like I am missing something but what?´ Ranpo frowned and tapped his chin in thought.
What indeed.
Lunch time, Agency
Everyone was watching as Atsushi was feeding Dazai, the man eating the attention and care up. Yosano had a disgusted look on her face while Kyōka was whispering with Ranpo. Both looking occasionally at the duo before ducking their heads together again. Kunikida had left shortly before lunch, the police department had called for him to come down the station. Apparently, they needed help with a case and Kunikida had taken this as his chance to flee- erhm, help them out.
“That can’t be normal, can it?” Yosano muttered, eyes narrowed at the way Atsushi was wiping Dazai’s face and smiling. “I feel like I am missing something out, so this picture makes any sense to me.”
“Not only you,” muttered Ranpo.
It was disturbing to watch as Dazai let himself be fed. Were Yosano’s eyes playing tricks on her or was Dazai blushing too when Atsushi dabbed at his face gently. She rose an eyebrow when Atsushi leaned in and brushed some hair from Dazai’s face. Yep, there was a light flush to those cheeks, `Okay… I am missing something… Since when are they this close?´
Meanwhile, Dazai was eating up the whole attention that Atsushi put on him. If he was blushing, well, that was no one’s business but his own. You cannot blame him either. It was in the way Atsushi’s was concentrating fully on him. How those sunset eyes were looking right into his soul, that gentleness around him… He was still getting used to that feeling, alright?
“Atsushi-kun is so good to me,” mumble Dazai, voice soft and Atsushi had to strain his ears to hear him.
“S- Silly,” Atsushi stuttered, nearly dropping the chopsticks with the food he was about to bring up to Dazai’s mouth. “You’re hurt… Of course, I would help you.”
“Is that so? Then, how about-!” quickly, Atsushi shoved the food into Dazai’s mouth, forcing him to chew.
“S- Shut up! Dazai-san is embarrassing me!”
“I am being affectionate,” the man corrected while chewing, smiling at his boyfriend. “Atsushi-kun only deserves the best!”
Atsushi could feel his cheeks heating up and ducked his head, only for Dazai to put a finger underneath his chin and push it up again.
“Now, now, don’t be like that,” murmured the man, eyes soft and smile gentle. “Let me see you~!”
“You’re horrible-!” yet, Atsushi nuzzled a little into the hand, flushing more. “So, so mean to me!”
“And yet, you are dating me, hm?” Atsushi averted his eyes, as best as he could. “Don’t be like that, my cute Princess~!”
“Don’t call me that!” Atsushi whined with a pout.
“Ah, but aren’t you? How about Wife then?” Dazai asked, a wicked smile on his lips. “That’s more fitting, isn’t it? Tending to me like one, feeding me~!”
There was a grabbled noise from Atsushi who quickly shoved another piece of food into Dazai’s mouth. Dazai just smiled, chewing and let the boy feed him until the food was gone. Welp, he could always tease the boy later at home more, couldn’t he? He glanced at their colleagues, eyes focused on them and tilted his head when he saw their faces. Strange, some of them looked weirdly at them.
`Ah right… we are not usually this affectionate with each other while at work…´
Sure, it was totally that, Dazai.
“Ne, ne, Atsushi-kun, I need lots of hugs to feel better,” Dazai spoke loudly enough for the others to hear. “Those are the best medicine!”
“R- Really?” Atsushi asked, having put the bento box away. “You’re not pulling my leg, are you?”
“I would never!” the man gasped, trying his best to look innocent. “When have I ever lied to you?”
“Ah… well,” Atsushi furrowed his brow, giving Dazai a look, “there was that one time about dogs eating the souls of cats…”
“Those things are evil,” Dazai said with a nod.
“Ranpo-san said that you lied to me about that,” Atsushi huffed out, arms crossed. “Kunikida-san also said that you lied about that.”
“Heathens! They don’t know those devil beasts as good as I do!” Dazai sniffed, pulling at Atsushi so he was sitting in his side again. “How hurtful of them! I need a hug to feel better, especially because my Atsushi-kun is also doubting me!”
“Dazai-san, I haven’t eaten yet-!” Atsushi tried, feeling an arm wrap around his waist and pulling him tight to Dazai’s body. “Please-!”
Dazai narrowed his eyes and stared at the other bento that was still closed, “You can eat it while sitting with me like this! No excuses~!”
“What if I drop the food-!”
“Then, Atsushi-kun will eat very carefully, won’t he?”
“But-! Dazai-san should rest, I am moving a lot with my eating,” Atsushi tried again. “What if I hurt you while I eat?”
“Atsushi-kun will kiss it better, no?”
“That’s not-!”
“Nonsense, now, hush now and eat,” Dazai ordered. “You have to look pretty and let me hug you~! I am sure that I am all the better by the end of the workday!”
“It doesn’t work like that,” mumbled Atsushi but he did get his box and opened it up. “Dazai-san is telling lies again.”
“No, it is scientifically proven that it works,” Dazai sounded so serious, Atsushi actually believed him for a second. Until Dazai added the last in a whisper for only Atsushi to hear, “Sex is also a good medicine~!”
There was a groan from Atsushi who was blushing a bright red, “I can’t win with you, can I? You’re so shameless!”
Dazai just grinned, holding Atsushi tighter. He loved teasing his boyfriend like that, especially at work. He got away with a lot of things thanks to that. `Ah, Atsu-chan, I hope you never get used to my teasing~!´