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Zenitsu Agatsuma has always been super insecure, how could he not be? All he ever hears is people talking about how annoyingly sensitive and weak he is, not to mention the amount of girls that have been repulsed by the mere sight of him seeking a wife. He tries his best to just play it off, he knows trying to retaliate won’t change anyone’s mind.
And to make things worse, Zenitsu was starting to develop a crush on his closest friend, Tanjiro Kamado. Sure, he was at first only interested in his sister, Nezuko. But everything about Tanjiro always had some sort of effect on him. Even just that bright smile of his alone was enough to lift his whole mood up for the entire day.
Zenitsu was falling crazy in love with the boy, though luck was never on his side, of course.
ʚɞ
One day he overheard a conversation Tanjiro was having with the love hashira, Mitsuri Kanroji. It seemed like he was asking her for some sort of advice, Zenitsu listened closely even though he was pretty far away. He has great hearing after all, so distance wasn’t a problem.
Tanjiro was talking about his feelings for someone, a fellow demon slayer and a good friend of his. Zenitsu started to think that maybe there was hope for him, maybe there was finally someone who finally liked him back?
He knew the chances were slim, yet somehow when he found out Tanjiro was talking about Kanao Tsuyuri instead of him, it completely broke him.
He should’ve known better, but for some reason there was still a little bit of hope lingering that someone would love him. How silly of him to think that, of course nobody will love him in more ways than platonically.
Tanjiro and Zenitsu were both boys after all, maybe it was for the best… Maybe not.
ʚɞ
This was Zenitsu’s last straw, he saw no point in living such a life where he can’t even be appreciated for simply trying his best. It’s not like anyone would be greatly affected by his death anyways, most people didn’t even try to get to know him for real. A little bit of sympathy is the most he could get, but it wouldn’t linger on anyone’s minds for more than a few hours.
ʚɞ
It’s a rainy night, Zenitsu is overwhelmed with so many emotions right now. He can’t seem to find any rational solution, this life was just too much for him.
Nobody can completely change who they are overnight to be less hated by others, but everybody can make themself disappear overnight to eventually be forgotten by others as time goes on. Sometimes the easy way out isn’t always the best option, but sometimes it’s just too tempting to resist.
ʚɞ
Silence now fills the room, everything is completely still besides the body of Zenitsu Agatsuma, lightly swinging back and forth due to the slight winds coming through the window. But he can’t close the window, he can’t do anything anymore. All he can do is silently hang there as his soul hopefully reaches a much better place than this earth.
A whole day passes, nobody knows about what happened that night, life goes on. Until Tanjiro receives a letter via kasugai crow. It isn’t very common for him to receive handwritten letters like this unless something important is happening, it worries him. He carefully and curiously opens up the letter, not yet knowing he’s about to receive the worst news possible right now.
His slightly rough fingers hold onto the paper as his thumbs gently brush against the handwriting, which he recognizes almost immediately due to the slight messiness of it. This is a letter from Zenitsu, and as Tanjiro begins to read through it, he instantly feels his heart drop to his stomach.
ʚɞ
The note reads: “Dear Tanjiro, I’m so sorry for how much of an annoyance I can be to you and Nezuko-chan, but you won’t need to worry about me anymore. I am aware of how much of a negative effect I have on others, and I’ve decided that it’s finally time I get out of everyone’s way.
Things have always been really rough for me, I can’t handle it on my own anymore and I don’t want to make it anybody else’s problem. So if you’re reading this it’s already too late, I have taken my own life. I beg of you to not feel bad or shed any tears over me, I want you to continue living happily, Tanjiro, that is my only wish.
I would also like you to know that I have become seriously in love with you, I’m sorry if that sounds weird but I just can’t help it. Everything about you is so perfect…your face, your personality, your talents, that smile of yours…just everything. You were the only person who ever made me feel like I actually meant something, you are the only reason I made it as far as I did. Thank you so much for everything, Tanjiro, from the bottom of my heart. I will always love you more than anything in the world, even if I can’t say it directly to your face.
I wish nothing but the best for you, please never change who you are. I love you so much. Goodbye, Tanjiro Kamado.
-Zenitsu Agatsuma.”
ʚɞ
Before Tanjiro could even fully process what he just read, there were tears streaming down his face. He can’t believe he was too stupid to realize Zenitsu’s struggles and his obvious feelings for him. He feels so powerless right now, but he remembers what Zenitsu wrote, his only wish was for Tanjiro to not cry over his death and to continue living a happy life without him. So with a shaky hand, Tanjiro reaches up and wipes the tears off his face, determined to fulfill Zenitsu’s dying wish for him. Tanjiro will do everything in his power to stay positive and keep that smile on his face, but he will never forget the boy who he never got the chance to love in the living world, no matter what.
Goodbye, Zenitsu Agatsuma, until we meet again on the other side.