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James Rhemann had seen a lot in his years, from active athlete to assistant coach to head coach of USC. Sports was a tough place to be. Everybody was competitive, and many were or grew mean about it. When he had picked up Exy, it was still very new, and it hadn’t been sure that it would take off the way it had.

He hadn’t worried too much, then, about what a long-term career in sports would mean for his private life. Being discreet, that had been the absolute minimum when he first entered a gay bar in 1979. And now, so many decades later, he knew he had dodged so much when he met Adi and they never really got into the clubbing scene. He had lost friends to Aids, but not his own life.

When the meds finally were invented, and the tide turned, he had long since learned to be and to stay cautious. The success of gay rights in the following years was heartwarming, but… He was happy in his private life with Adi. They didn’t need any big public declarations. He had been approached once or twice by friends who knew him and Adi, whether he might be open to come out, join a campaign, but he had always declined.

Maybe he should have joined.
Maybe he could have done something different?
Maybe those boys would not have been treated so terribly, if there had been more courageous men, men who didn’t hide in a closet and let the young ones take the storm of outrage.

He yawned, rubbing his eyes.
It was so late, but he was a long way from getting any sleep.

He needed to make another call, get back in touch with the Exy commission, the coaches of the other teams, to protect eight boys from the terrible consequences of gossip rags and the terrible toll it would take on their mental health.

And at some point, he would have to try again to get a hold of Jeremy Knox. He’d run into a Wilshire wall for three days now, but he needed the boy to know that he would have all the support in the world from his coach.

What a goddamn nightmare.

He could still remember his own first endeavors into gay clubs, how people had offered him drugs, and sex, and he had declined the drugs but not the sex. Many he had hooked up with in those months before he met Adi had been high.
It was never the drugs that had killed them, but always the goddamn virus.

He knew how many of them were desperate to forget about the ugly world outside. A hit, sex, soaring high for just one night. Forget about the sick friends. Forget about parents that threw them out of their homes. Forget about coworkers who had beaten them bloody after seeing them near a gay bar.

What he could not imagine was what it would be like to be in that place and then be told your little brother had just jumped off the hotel rooftop and that was why the police had just stormed the sex party you were at, arresting you and everyone else.

He had noticed that Jeremy was erratic at times. A lot of forced cheer, which sometimes seemed too manic. Then, times when he was inattentive, and there had been several instances where he was just short of pulling him from the court at practice. But most of the time, he had been earnest and so, so eager to show off his skill on the court. It showed that Jeremy genuinely loved Exy, when he wasn’t high or depressed, he showed sportsmanship and immense talent.

After one instance, he had taken the boy aside after practice, sat him down in his office and carefully explained the dangers of drugs and why a professional athlete risked not just his own health, but also the health of his teammates and opponents by playing under the influence. Jeremy had looked contrite, but he was high again three days later.

He didn’t want to lose the boy. Especially not like this. James had heard that the other boys from the party claimed that Jeremy had been the one to bring the cocaine. Nobody from that rich a family became a dealer for money at just eighteen years. Come to that, a sixteen year old didn’t jump off a damn hotel roof on the one outing with his older brother because everything was sunshine and roses in their home.

He needed to talk to Jeremy, wherever his family had whisked him away to.

His phone rang, and he took the call automatically.
“Rhemann”.
“Hi James, this is David Wymack.”

It took him a moment, but then it clicked. David Wymack was the coach who had kickstarted the Exy programm at Palmetto State University in South Carolina. They had met… ages ago, in a training camp run by Kayleigh Day. But why did he call now?

“Hello, what can I do for you?”
“More like, maybe I can do something for you. I had someone call me earlier wanting to tell me some juicy gossip. I know a lot of medical staff, due to being in and out of dozens of hospitals and rehab centers since my accident. I tend to keep in touch, you never know when you might need someone. Now, this friend calls me and says they work at a pretty exclusive rehab facility in California now, and they just had someone new in, a Jeremy Wilshire.”

James was more awake than he had been in days.
“I’m listening.”
“I thought you would. So, the facility they work at is up north, on interstate 5. The name is ‘Mountain retreat’, it’s all very hush-hush about being a drug rehab facility. But from the description they gave, I’m pretty sure it’s your striker. Since they’re all turning on Dexter, and his name was conspicuously absent from the news after the first day, while his little brother’s name was suddenly very present, I thought you should know where he has turned up.”

James understood Wymack’s insinuations. The Wilshire family were grieving for Noah Wilshire’s ‘accident’ very publicly, but Jeremy had been notably absent in the press releases from the family.

It all stank. And James thought he might begin to understand just why a talented, rich boy like Jeremy had turned to drugs in the first place. And why a sixteen year old had been foisted upon his barely older brother, and then jumped from a damn hotel rooftop.

“Thank you, Coach Wymack.”
“We were at James and David, weren’t we? And I’d do it again every time. Just… promise me you’ll try to do something for that boy. They don’t do shit like that for nothing.”
James nodded, then realized David wouldn’t be able to see him. “I will. And I know. I won’t let him go without a fight. He deserves someone to fight for him, because I sure think nobody ever has before.”
There was a loud noise on the other end of the line, then David cursed.

“Gotta go, something just happened here. Gotta look what it is. Keep me updated if you can.”

He hung up, and James flipped the phone shut as well.
He’d have to look up directions to that ‘Mountain Retreat’. And then he’d have to talk to Adi, the university and his colleagues about being away for three days.
___

James got out of the car and looked up at the green fence and automatic gate in front of him. There was an official looking sign that read “Mountain Retreat – Medical Recovery Facility”. Below that, there was a sign with visiting hours.

Yesterday’s 11 hour drive up here was in his bones and he was not looking forward to tomorrow’s return trip. But today he would focus on Jeremy. It was ten minutes before the official visiting hours started, but he hadn’t been sure if he would find the way quickly and how long the trip from the cheap motel would take. It had been quicker than anticipated.

He looked down on his phone and decided to just call Adi. The phone at home was picked up at the third ring.

“Bregovic, what can I do for you?” His voice was a balm to hear.
“Hi, Adi, it’s me.”
“Oh, did anything happen? Are you all right?”
“Yes, yes, I’m fine, just killing some time because I showed up too early. Are you all right?”
“I missed you last night, but I will manage. So you will meet with the Wilshire boy today?”
“He chose the last name Knox, and I will respect that. I still don’t know if they will let me see him, but I have to try. He needs to know that we as a team care, that he won’t be abandoned.”
Adi sighed.
“I never thought you would adopt so many kids, James. I can barely keep track of them all. I know you live for them, but please remember that it’s not your job alone, right?”
“I love you, Adi. I will not overwork myself, I promise.”
“That’s not what I meant, but all right. I have to get to my work soon, call me again tonight, all right?”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”

They hung up, but the clock had only moved by two minutes. James looked around, this part of California had mountains and forests, and the mood was tranquil. It was not as hot as down south, either. It certainly wasn’t the worst place for rehab, and it was far from anywhere that drugs would be available. But James had seen his share of addicts and while rehab was a sensible first step, returning to your previous life without any changes was often the problem. If nothing else changed, many people fell back into their habits, drugs included.

He would try offering Jeremy a way to be part of a change for the better. Whether Jeremy would accept… he would see.

At last, the clock flicked to 09:30 and official opening and visiting hours were on. On cue, the gates to the facility actually opened without James having to ring or call anywhere, so he sat back down in his car and drove through the entrance. It was another half mile to the actual parking lot in front of a bunch of houses that looked more like a village than a hospital.

He parked in a visitor spot – of which there were only three – and stepped out, as a women approached him from the closest building.

“Excuse me, we don’t have a visit scheduled for today, may I inquire who you are?”
“My name is James Rhemann, I’m sorry to show up unannounced. I am the Head Coach of USC’s Exy team, and I was informed you are currently taking care of one of my athletes, Jeremy Knox. He might have been checked in under the name Wilshire.”
The woman raised her eyebrows.
“And if that were the case, what would be your intention in coming here?”
“He has a contract with USC to play for all five years of university, and I would like to reassure him that this contract is still in place and that the team and I are looking forward to his return.”
Her face grew milder at that.
“If you would follow me to administration, I can see what we can do for you.”

She turned around with a look to see if he was following, so he did. The administration office was in a tiny building just off the parking lot, and the woman sat down at the desk there, which was probably hers. She picked up a phone and had someone else on the phone within a few moments.
“Dr. Parsons, this is Janice. I have Mr Wilshire’s university coach at administration, he would like to meet with Mr Wilshire. Yes. No, I don’t think so. I can ask. I don’t think so. Right. I will ask.” She looked up from the phone.
“We would need to make sure you are not bringing in any drugs, are you okay with a search by our staff?”, she asked in James’ direction.
He nodded. “That’s acceptable.”
“He would accept. Yes. Yes. I will call Nurse Tabbings.”

She hung up, then turned a smile on James.
“We can arrange for a visit after you are cleared by our security staff. It might take a while, however, because Mr Wilshire has therapy appointments all morning and we don’t want to compromise his progress, I’m sure you understand.”
James nodded “Of course, I am prepared to wait a while, as long as I get the opportunity to see him today.”
She nodded. “That will certainly be possible.”

He was then relegated to a waiting area, given surprisingly good coffee in a fine china cup, and told to wait.

Some time later, at least an hour, a man in a security guard uniform entered the waiting area and went straight for James.
“Mr Rhemann? Would you come with me for the search?”

James stood up and looked around to return the cup, but the man just waved him off.
“Don’t bother, just leave it on the table. One of the house staff will pick it up later. Just follow me.”
James did as he was told and was led to something that was more an office than something he would assume security to occupy.

“So, I will need to search all your pockets and then do a body search. All right?”
He was far more polite than any security James had encountered previously, but that was certainly no reason to complain. James took off his jacket and handed it over, waiting for the guard’s verdict on that. The man looked through all the pockets, finding some spare change and an old gum wrapper, next to the car keys and James’ wallet.

“Nothing here, perfect. Now, please show me all the pockets on your pants.”
James complied again, pulling out his cellphone and a hankerchief, but nothing worrysome. He didn’t smoke, being an athlete and coach, so he didn’t even carry a lighter. He had never done any illegal drugs, and certainly wouldn’t try to smuggle any to Jeremy or another inpatient in a rehab facility.

After emptying all the pockets on his clothes the guard nodded and then asked permission to pat James down. He nodded back, getting into position and letting the man touch him. The guard was very business-like, and over in a short time, to the guard’s satisfaction.

“Thank you for your cooperation. I’ll hand you over to one of the nurses now, please don’t try to return to your car. You are cleared for now, but not if you go back to the car and could possibly pick up something.”

James nodded. “Of course, I understand. I don’t want to compromise anyone in this facility, I just want to talk to the athlete I coach at university.”
The guard smiled.
“It’s good to see that he has someone who reaches out in this way. Even if the families are supportive, a full recovery needs the whole environment to be dedicated to help a patient along.”

James nodded in agreement, then he was handed over to a nurse, a brunette woman with a bouncing ponytail.
“Mr Rhemann, please follow me. Mr Wilshire has a break between appointments and we have a room where you can meet with him. Please be aware that I will stay as supervision, as we need to make sure that nothing happens that will set back Mr Wilshire’s progress. It is also within our rights to stop the conversation if we find it detrimental to Mr Wilshire.”

James didn’t like that very much, he would have preferred to speak to Jeremy in private, but this was better than nothing. He nodded.

They arrived in a room that was probably used for therapy appointments of some kind. It held several comfortable seats and a rug in muted colors with geometric patterns.

Jeremy was already inside, staring out of the window, pale and tired looking.

He didn’t turn to the door, which made James sure that the boy was not in a good place, mentally.

The nurse went in first.
“Mr Wilshire, we have a visitor for you, Mr James Rhemann, your coach from the university. Are you willing to talk to him?”

Jeremy looked at her with surprise, then he saw James and his surprise grew further.
“Uhm. Uh. Yes!”, he answered her question with a short delay.

She nodded, then sat down in the corner away from Jeremy. James took the seat opposite from Jeremy.

“Hi, Jeremy. It’s good to see you. How are you doing?”
Jeremy plastered a smile onto his face at James’ question, but it was visible that it didn’t reach his eyes, was merely a learned reaction to the question.

“I’m ok, coach. Thank you for coming. You could have just sent a letter, though.”
The smile vanished at the last sentence, and James had an inkling what Jeremy assumed about his visit.

“No, I couldn’t have, Jeremy, because I really wanted to talk to you. Firstly, to apologize that I haven’t reached out to you beforehand. When I tried contacting the police to reach you, they cited you being a legal adult and me not having authority over you. Your parents were unavailable for any of my calls. They only sent a note to the university that you would be unavailable for classes for a few weeks due to health reasons.”

“I’ve been doing classes remotely. I’m very grateful for the university for the support.”
It sounded terribly rote and practiced, nothing like the witty and hyper personality Jeremy showed before – at least on his good days. Maybe that had been days he had been high. But James didn’t think so.

“That’s good. But I’m mostly here to talk to you about exy and the season. We are all waiting for you to come back and rejoin training. But I would like to ask you what you would like me to tell the team, regarding any details of why you are missing.”

That finally got a more honest reaction out of Jeremy. Again, surprise showed on his face.
“Back to… Training? Sir?”
“Of course. USC signed you, and you will stay enrolled, both in the university and the Trojan team. I’m not in the habit of letting down promising young men because of a little trouble.”

Jeremy looked at him with big eyes.
“But… I… did drugs?”
“Jeremy, I was aware of that all through summer. Why did you think I sat you down three times in my office? I hoped that living on campus, with encouragement from your teammates, you would have enough of a change in routine to kick the habit, especially as you were not constantly high, at least from my perception.”
“But… the Trojans play clean Exy. Don’t you… hate me for betraying that?”

Adi was right, one of these days the kids wouldn’t just cause him gray hairs, but bring him to an early grave. The sadness in Jeremy’s voice gave him a sting to the heart.
“No, Jeremy. I could never hate you. I was young once. I got offered drugs, but I was living in circumstances that made it easy for me to refuse them. But I knew enough people who didn’t have that privilege. Who had trouble at home. Who had to carry too much, too young. Who gave in to temptation, and got into trouble, or had to struggle long and hard to get better again.”

Jeremy looked at James with more alert eyes now, doubt very visible on his face, but James thought he saw an inkling of hope there, too.

“So… I can come back?” His voice was very quiet, unbelieving that this was actually an option. James wished he could hug the boy. But it would probably not be appropriate.

“Yes. Whenever you are ready, you can come back to the team. Some of them have an idea that you were among the group that was arrested. Some saw you being approached by Dexter at the banquet, and his name is all over the news, so they have a reasonable assumption of where you were that night. They have all refused to talk to the press, and I will make sure it stays that way. However, I will need to give them an explanation soon about your prolonged absence. And… I would like them to be able to help you stay clean, once you are out of here. But that is your call, Jeremy. I can also refer to you grieving, the way your family has been telling the public.”

Jeremy looked away from him, gathering his thoughts.
“I… I don’t want to lie to them. I’ve been a disgrace to the Trojans, I know that. But… They deserve to know who I am?”
“They don’t deserve anything, Jeremy. It will always be your decision what you tell them about yourself. Especially regarding your sexual orientation. I will never out you to anyone without your explicit permission. If you want them to know that you were part of Dexter’s party, you can tell them, or tell me to tell them. But if you do not want that, I will gloss over it in a way that they might make an assumption, but will never have it confirmed. Do you understand, Jeremy?”

Jeremy looked back at him, the surprise back on his face.
“They… don’t already know?”
“No. Mostly Dexter’s face has been paraded around the news. Any mention of you was missing from the news cycle. Some of the other boys were also mentioned, but none of the newspapers mentioned you, Jeremy. I assume that was your parents’ doing.”

He didn’t mention the spreads that had been done on Noah Wilshire. He would only bring up the dead boy if Jeremy asked about him.

“Oh. But… I wasn’t very careful. Most of them probably know anyways.”
It hurt a little to hear a young man like Jeremy speak about having to be careful about being out, so many years later still, but James understood too well. There was a glaring reason why he was only outed to a select few people.

“That doesn’t mean you owe anyone the truth, Jeremy. Or any statement whatsoever. I can go to the team and tell them you are grieving. I can tell them you had some other kind of accident. It’s up to you. But they have already been asking, most of them are just worried. They miss their teammate.”

Jeremy looked away again, in what James assumed was shame. He wished he could just get up and hug the young man, still only barely more than a boy.
But the brunette spoke at last.
“Tell them I’m in rehab and that I’m sorry, coach. I do think I owe it to them. I dragged them into my mess, and I’m sorry. To you, too, coach. I… I will get clean and if you still want me on the team, I will do my best.”

The self-flagellation was painful to witness. But James knew he could do little else but accept Jeremy’s words for now.
“All right. But I don’t need you to be sorry, Jeremy, I would like you to get better. The drugs never made you better, and I signed the man you are, not the man the drugs made you into. I want to keep that man, on my team, all right?”

Jeremy nodded, but it seemed a little half-hearted.

“Just… one other thing, Jeremy.” James gave a side-eye to the nurse, but she purposefully did not look too closely at them. She hadn’t interfered so far, and he hoped it would stay that way.

“Did you get tested since you were brought here?”
Jeremy looked at him in askance.
“They did a lot of drug tests.”
James sighed.
“That’s not what I meant. Did you get tested for STIs? Especially, HIV?”
Jeremy’s eyes shot open, staring at James in shock.
“Is there… did anyone…?”
James quickly shook his head.
“No! Not that I know of. But with the way those parties go… Please, you should take a test. They have pretty good meds by now, so… knowing is important.”

Jeremy still looked shocked.
“I… I don’t know. I… can I think about that?”
James sighed again.
“Jeremy. If you are afraid, I can go get a test with you once you are back in LA. I know where they do them. Just… I worry. And you really should get tested, especially if you haven’t ever done it before.”

Jeremy nodded. James took a deep breath and exhaled softly.
“I will take you to a testing center once you are back. I’m looking forward to having you back in LA, Jeremy, never forget that or doubt it. I want you at USC and on the team.”

Jeremy looked back at him, still with that insecure look, but with more hope in it.
“Thank you, coach. I will do my best to get clean and return to the team. And… thank you for coming here.”

James smiled at the young man.
“I will always try to come for you in times of need. I like coaching you and helping you settle into adulthood. And if it means coming here, it’s what I want to do.”

Jeremy nodded, and silence fell over them. James had said everything he wanted to say, and Jeremy obviously wasn’t much in the mood to talk. James looked to the nurse, who had stopped her pretense of not listening to them.

“Mr Rhemann, it’s time for Jeremy to get to his next appointment. Thank you for your visit.”

James nodded and got up, turning to Jeremy for the last time.

“I’ll wait for you in LA. Get well, Jeremy.”

Jeremy nodded but stayed seated, and the nurse led James outside. She turned to him after the door was closed.
“Thank you for your visit. I think it might be positive for Mr Wilshires progress.”

James nodded. “I hope so, it’s part of why I wanted to come. Thank you for taking care of him.”
She nodded and led him outside the building, near the parking lot.

“If there is nothing else, I would leave you here. All right?
James confirmed. “I will leave, my job here is done.”

He sat down in his car, but took a moment before he started it. He could only hope that what he and the team could offer would be enough, He didn’t think that Jeremy’s family would be any support whatsoever. The way the boy had expected to be discarded, thrown from the team without so much as a goodbye. It hurt. James could have been personally offended, even, but the boy only knew him for a few months, and it was glaringly obvious that he had had few good adult role models in his life.

He would drive to the motel, write up a plan, then drive back to LA tomorrow. Talk to Adi. Talk to the team.

And wait for Jeremy to come back, in a few weeks. Support the boy, so he could have a future.

___

It was a Sunday six weeks into the term, and James Rhemann had just gotten a call that one Jeremy Knox was waiting for him in his office. At 8 in the morning.

He had not seen or heard from the boy since that one meeting in the rehab facility. Jeremy had been attending classes remotely, but his contact with anyone had been zero since he had been whisked away from police custody mere hours after being arrested in Texas. His parents – his mother, the father was despicably absent and Rheman might not yet know all that much about his wayward freshman, but he knew that he did not consider his mother’s second husband anything close to a father – had been close-lipped and just informed James of Jeremy’s scheduled return. No details on how Jeremy was progressing in rehab, no questions about his friends from the team, no nothing.

James hoped he was not about to meet a mostly dead husk of a boy in his office.

The old car made a terrible noise on the last turn to the sports center, but it had held up for decades, it would hold another year. James parked it near the office buildings, on a Sunday the parking lot was mostly empty, and he saw another car a few spots down, which he recognized as Jeremy’s.

He looked into it, but there was nothing remarkable to be seen. It was clean and empty, not even a candy wrapper or empty soda can. Too clean for a college student.

James moved on towards his office, and as he entered, Jeremy stood up from his seat in a quick movement. He stood very straight, but his eyes didn’t meet James’.

“Jeremy. Good to have you back here.”
James had no intention of antagonizing the boy, he wanted him back on the court. Even if the whole ordeal had left him without motivation to play ever again, he still deserved the chance to come back to the sport that had been something he enjoyed so visibly, despite the addiction and terrible family.

“Good morning, sir. And thank you, sir. I… wanted to talk to you before the term started. To figure out a few things.”

James nodded, then he sat down behind his desk. Jeremy stayed standing.
“Sit down, Jeremy. And leave the sir behind. I’m coach to you, if you need a title.”
Jeremy sat down, nodding. His hair was less groomed than earlier in the year, the brown waves a little long and a little messy. He had to push it back so it didn’t fall into his eyes.

“So, coach. I’ll be back at university tomorrow, I already have my classes schedule. I won’t live on campus, however, my parents vetoed that and have arranged for a specific exception that I will still live at home.”

James liked that not one lick. The boy had gotten the drugs at home, changing his circumstances would mean getting him out of there.
“You still need to show up to practice at 6 am, Jeremy. Are your parents aware of that? I would prefer you to live on campus, as do all of our first-years.”

“My mother is adamant on the topic, coach. I will be punctual.”

James nodded, masking his unhappiness with the situation. His opinion of Jeremy’s parents sank further.

“If you need some more time to settle in, I can exempt you from training for a few days, but I would like you back as soon as possible. I talked to the team, telling them you are in rehab and that I expect them to help you stay clean once you are back.”

Jeremy’s brow pulled together in a worried frown.
“And… how did they take it?”

“Well enough. I have encouraged sportmanship for years, Jeremy, and that is not a PR stunt – I expect everyone on the team to put in the effort. Nobody is perfect and everybody has emotions, but doing sports is a way to channel all of that into healthy ways. I don’t accept bullying in my team, there is no tolerance for hazing. If they don’t like you, they can avoid you, but if they attack you, verbally or otherwise, come to me. If they attack you for being gay, ever, you come to me. Understood?”

Jeremy looked at James with something like awe on his face, and damn if it didn’t break James’ heart all over again. Kids shouldn’t turn 18 and be that surprised someone had their back.

“I… will, coach. And I will be at practice tomorrow morning. I’m probably out of shape, too many weeks without a racquet in my hands.”
“We will get you back there. As long as you still want to play, I will always be there to get you there, Jeremy.”

The boy nodded, silent for a moment. Then he spoke up, more hesitant that before.

“Ah… you mentioned, when you visited… about testing…?” His voice faded a little at the end of the question.

“Yes. If you didn’t get any tests done while you were away, we can do them here in the medical facilities, but that would make them be on file with the university. Or I can take you to the AIDS relief center in the city. They do tests for free, based on community donations.”

“Uhm… that… that sounds better. But… My mother is my medical emergency contact. Does she… does she get access to the test results?”
“Not if we do this in the AIDS relief center. They are there to help people who might not have access otherwise and need their tests to be done discreetly. As I said before, it’s important to know. There is medicine, they can’t cure it yet, but people don’t die from it like they did in the 80ties.”

Jeremy nodded, still a little hesitant.
“Uhm… If I may ask… sir… coach. How do you know about that?”
James sighed.

“I’ll tell you on the way there. Or do you have any other question we need to settle now?”
Jeremy looked a little like a deer in headlights.

“Uhm… right now?!”
“Yes, I think it would be best. Then we are done with it, and you get your results as early as possible.”
“Oh… Ok.”

James nodded and stood up.
“I’ll drive, and I’ll get you back here to your car afterwards.”

Jeremy followed, and they were silent on their way out to the car.

When James went to manually unlock the passenger door, Jeremy looked the car over. James wouldn’t suffer any remarks on his car. “My old man gave it to me, I’ve driven it for twenty ears. Sturdy thing.”
Jeremy nodded, though he did look a little skeptical, then opened the door and sat down. Unlocking the driver side door – the car from the 80s didn’t have centralized electric locking systems, so all the doors still had individual locks – James sat down at the wheel. He started the car and began to pull out of the parking lot after buckling in.

“So, you asked earlier how I know about stuff like the AIDS relief center. I know about it because I’ve brought friends there for many years. When I first entered a gay bar, the virus had started spreading, but didn’t have a name yet. A few years later, many of the men I knew were sick and dying. I was lucky, I guess, that I never caught it before we knew how to do safer sex.”

He looked to Jeremy for a moment, and the boy on his passenger seat was looking at him with wide eyes and something close to shock on his face.
“You’re… You…”

“Yes, I’m gay, Jeremy. I’ve been in a relationship with a man for almost 25 years. We’re not out, publicly. Adi, my partner, probably could, but my job as a coach for young men like you makes it difficult for either of us to be out. Sports is a homophobic place. And public opinion on who may be a coach for a team of young athletes is a horrible thing.”

Jeremy still hadn’t entirely found his voice yet.
“But… then… Why are you telling me?”

James smiled a sad little smile. He had decided weeks ago that Jeremy needed to know about James’ very personal experiences of being gay as an athlete. This was the first time since the banquet that they were truly alone to talk.

“Because you are someone I want to know this about me, Jeremy. I want you to know that you can come to me with anything. I won’t judge you for being gay, for being young, for making some stupid decisions. What I will do is hand you resources to avoid terrible consequences. Like a drive to the AIDS relief center.”

Jeremy was silent after that, when James glanced at him, there was a contemplative expression on his face. He couldn’t look for long, had to pay attention to the road as traffic got denser and he had to look out for a parking spot.

He parked the car on the side of the street a few houses down from their destination. Jeremy took a moment to step out, but James didn’t have to prompt him. He locked the door, then went ahead, looking back to see Jeremy get in step with him.

“As I said, it’s a community funded center. Lots of gay people, and they accept people from all walks of life. So… some of the guys who come over more often are prostitutes. Please don’t be rude to anyone.”

The house had a small pride flag in the corner of the glass door, and a larger red ribbon in the center of the door. A tiny sticker with opening hours.

James opened the door and held it so Jeremy could come with him.

Inside, there was a front desk and a few chairs around a table that held magazines and brochures. On the walls were posters on safer sex, STI symptoms and community events.

James went to the front desk that was manned by a black man wearing bright makeup and a pink vest. Jeremy followed him, though he took longer to look around and take it all in. Probably hadn’t been in many gay spaces in his life… the young ones ofter hadn’t. Clubs and bars were only open to those of drinking age, and with the state of the world, before you moved out from your parents, you often couldn’t even think of approaching any gay establishments.

“Hi, I’m Hassan, how can I help you?”
James nodded to Jeremy.
“We’re here for him. Jeremy, do you want to do this alone or should I explain?”
Jeremy stepped up to the desk and cleared his throat.
“Uhm, I… I would need a test.”
Hassan nodded, grabbing a sheet out from under the desk.
“That’s fine, honey. Everybody does, right? So, just HIV or everything we can test for?”
Jeremy threw a searching look at James, who took that to mean that his input was welcome.
“Better test for everything. Relevant exposure would have been about five weeks ago.”
Hassan nodded, checking some boxes on the form he had pulled up.

“All right. Jeremy, was it? No, no, I don’t need a last name. We don’t need any names, honestly, but it does make it a little easier to work with if we have something. Now, if you’ll come with me, we have a medical team and they’ll take the samples, and then you’ll get a code to retrieve your results. So we don’t need any names. Just don’t lose your code.”

Jeremy turned to follow him, and James sat down on one of the chairs and leafed through the magazines. A lot of pretty men on the covers, most of whom were probably porn stars. He wouldn’t know their faces – or bodies – since he didn’t buy any gay porn. Adi had some, but most of it hadn’t been to James’ taste. Adi. There was a though. He should call him, tell him he would still need a while.

He grabbed his phone and selected their landline. After a few rings, Adi picked up.
“Bregovic, what can I do for you?”
“It’s me, Adi.”
“Ah, you coming home?”
“Not yet. Jeremy, the one I visited in the rehab up north? He’s back and I took him to the relief center for testing. He’s in giving them samples, I’m waiting. Need any flyers from the center?”
“I think I still have all the relevant leaflets. But how is your boy?”
“He’s okay. He wants to play again, I think that’s good. But his parents want him to stay living at home. I’m not convinced that’s for the best.”
“Have you told him about you?”
“Yes, on the drive over.”
“Does he need to be anywhere else today? Because if not, bring him over. I’ll cook lunch.”
“Really?”
“I think he should see that being gay isn’t all about being fucked over by life. Invite him, even if it isn’t today, some other weekend. I’ll cook something, we show him what being gay can also look like.”

James smiled. Leave it to Adi to make such a perfect suggestion.
“I will ask him. Should I pick up anything for lunch on the way over?”
“No, I still have enough here.”
“Then… see you later.”
“Love you!”
“You too!”

They both hung up, and James was left to the waiting area again. Hassan had returned to the front desk, and he smiled at James.
“He your lover?”, he asked, with a nod to the back where Jeremy was right now.
James couldn’t help a grimace.
“God, no! I’m his coach.”
“You straight?” Hassan’s tone was incredulous.
James snorted.
“No. But I have a good man at home and I’m not out, publicly. So, I’m just here as his coach, taking care that a dumb mistake doesn’t turn into a death sentence.”
“What sport ya coaching?”
“Exy.”
Hassan looked him up and down at that.
“That’s a rough sport. Didn’t know gays were playing it.”
“Some are. It’s less homophobic than football.”
At that, Hassan snorted.
“Yeah, that bar is on the floor. But gotta take what you can, I guess. Hope you kid is clean, anyways, having it sucks balls.”
James nodded.
“You want some brochures for your team?”, Hassan asked next.

James was about to decline, when he changed his mind. Couldn’t hurt.
“Yeah, why not. Can’t hurt.”

Hassan turned around and rummaged through a few boxes, then dug out a stack of leaflets on safer sex, setting them down on the front desk. James got up to take them.
“Thank you. I’m grateful for all the work you do here. Do you have a donation box?”
Hassan smiled a big smile at that.

“Of course, my man!”
He put a rattling tin box up on the desk.
James dug his wallet out and du out two twenties, stuffing them into the box through the slit in the cap.

“Thank you for your support!”
Hassan put the tin jar back under the desk.
Right then, Jeremy showed up in the hallway that lead to the other rooms in the center. On his left arm, he had a band-aid over the puncture where they had drawn his blood, and his hair was a little ruffled, probably from having had to take his shirt off and on.

“Hi coach. I’m, done.”
He looked more relaxed, which was a relief to James.
“Okay, that’s all then, I guess? Thanks for helping out, Hassan.”
“Anytime, coach!”

They left and walked back to the car, where James put the leaflets on the back seat. Jeremy only started talking when James sat in the driver’s seat.

“Thank you for taking me. They were… really nice about it all.”
“They aren’t here to shame anyone. Shame prevents people from seeking help, and asking for help is never wrong, Jeremy.”
Jeremy nodded.
“All right, now you have another choice to make. If you don’t have anywhere else to be right now, I can take you over to my place and you can meet my partner. Or I take you back to your car.”
Jeremy looked at him with surprise written all across his face again.
“Uhm… I didn’t know how long it would take, so… I guess my mum doesn’t expect me home yet…?”
“Okay. So, do you want to come with me, meet Adi?”
Jeremy blushed, but he nodded.
So James pulled out of the parking space and turned towards home.

Jeremy had been tested. He was trusting James and was opening up to him. They would be able to deal with everything that came after, and he would not lose this boy to the virus.

And soon, they would be home with Adi and his cooking. The day would end better than it had started.