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“Duty of care.”
I hear My Thief say this many times. Always to the one with the eyes.
I remember having eyes once. They felt heavy. They itched.
The one with the eyes fascinates My Thief. When I let him sleep, I can see in his mind what he is dreaming. His dreams these days are almost always of the one with the eyes. Sometimes this makes him happy. Sometimes it makes him sad.
I hated the one with the eyes for a long time.
I know what hate is. I know there is many different kinds of hate. Most of them silly.
My Thief can hate, too. Daleks. Yes. He hates Daleks. He calls them a word; a sharp, three-syllable word. Enemy. That is the word.
Except when the one with the eyes became a Dalek for a time. Then it was all right.
I hated the one with the eyes for a long time. She was enemy.
And the one with the eyes hated me. My Thief called me Sexy. The one with the eyes called me other names. Short, harsh, one-syllable names.
I tried to drive her away. I was glad she didn’t want to live inside me, unlike so many of the other strays. The first time she did, I played a trick on her. But she refused to be driven away.
I read her mind once — when My Thief had her use my psychic circuits to pilot me — and I knew she sometimes dreamt of living on the TARDIS with My Thief.
After he changed and became less pretty in her eyes, she found the other pretty one. I hated the other pretty one even more than I had hated the one with the eyes. At least the one with the eyes loved My Thief. The other pretty one hated My Thief. So I hated the other pretty one.
But by then I’d stopped hating the one with the eyes. I stopped hating her because I learned. I learned how she once threw herself into My Thief’s timestream, splintering herself into many echoes, all of whom existed to save him. Including one who made sure My Thief stole me and not one of my sisters.
I remembered this one with the eyes on Gallifrey but I did not know it was her at the time. And I remembered being sad — sad to see My Thief almost not becoming My Thief at all. Instead, he wanted to take another TARDIS. A newer TARDIS. A stupider TARDIS. A … what word did the one with the eyes use to describe me once? A cow. But then the one with the eyes came and told My Thief to take me.
I never knew at the time that it was the one with the eyes, or rather, an echo of the one with the eyes. I never knew until we went to the forbidden world. Until I nearly lost My Thief and the one with the eyes had saved him by doing this thing.
I then realized the one with the eyes had been the one to let me see the universe with My Thief. After that, I no longer hated the one with the eyes. She went away for a while after My Thief rescued her from his timestream. I heard him tell a few strays that she needed rest. And they stopped travelling for a while. This made My Thief sad. But one day he received a message from her and she was back. And they were happy.
I remember some time later the one with the eyes was talking to My Thief, excited about becoming a teacher. This word I knew, as My Thief thought of himself as a teacher. And he was happy as she told him this. And I remember the one with the eyes putting her face against My Thief’s face. I remember them standing there, not moving, just their faces up against each other’s face. I remembered from when I had eyes and a face that it could be put up against other faces and I remembered what it was called, what they were doing.
And then they were no longer holding their faces together and I remember My Thief somehow changing the colour of his skin; I thought another Change had happened. But the one with the eyes also changed the colour of her skin, so I knew it couldn’t be the Change. I remember the one with the eyes sounding nervous and leaving quickly and as she left I thought I saw water coming from her eyes. The one with the eyes didn’t return for a long time. And when she did, My Thief pretended it had never happened.
This confused me as I had studied humanoid mating rituals and this was not how things were supposed to happen. Putting faces together usually resulted in putting other parts of the body together and they did not do that. I think My Thief may have done so with the one who was created partially of me. The one with the hair. But somehow whenever they put their faces together I always found myself unable to see or hear what happened next.
I had stopped hating the one with the eyes. But later, I found another feeling begin to emerge. It was something I only felt for one other. And I felt it when I realized that the one with the eyes had convinced the Masters to give My Thief the ability to Change again.
He’d abandoned me. I felt alone. His friend who had become a Dalek, but was still his friend, one day took me away and said she needed to find the one with the eyes, who had also been sent away. That My Thief needed to be with the one with the eyes when he Changed no more. The one who had become a Dalek, but was still his friend, thought she was flying me, but I was taking myself where I needed to go. To get the one with the eyes. Because I knew she would do far more than just be with My Thief when he Changed no more.
And I was right. I found her and brought her back to the forbidden world. And she spoke to the Masters. She told them My Thief deserved to live again. And they listened. And the Change happened that should have been forbidden.
I now loved the one with the eyes, nearly as much as I loved My Thief.
But My Thief was now different to the one with the eyes. They no longer put their faces together. He wouldn’t allow the one with the eyes to put her appendages around him when even I recognized that he — or the one with the eyes — needed comfort. The one with the eyes still came to see My Thief, and they still travelled within me, but it was not the same.
And that was when the one with the eyes met the other pretty one, who I hated because he made My Thief sad and angry.
And then the one with the eyes became sad and angry and yelled at My Thief, even threatening him with a Change. She went away and water had come from My Thief’s eyes. I took him to places he enjoyed. To places he needed to go. And I began hating the one with the eyes once again.
The water eventually stopped but he was still sad. Until one day the tiny communication device My Thief always kept with him made a sound and it was the one with the eyes. She came back but she was sad, and so was My Thief, but they made sounds as if they were happy.
Humanoids confuse me.
They had gone away for a while, and then I found myself suddenly filled with strays, but fortunately only for a short while. And then it was just My Thief and the one with the eyes. And the one with the eyes was using her own tiny communication device and I could hear she was speaking to the other pretty one, who I hated because he made My Thief sad and angry.
And the one with the eyes had then said, “I love you,” which I remembered I had said to My Thief right before I no longer had eyes or a face. It was something the human whose body was given to me had in her synapses. I knew from this that it was something humanoids said to other humanoids who they felt were more important than other humanoids. I had told My Thief, “I love you,” because I felt he was more important than other humanoids. The one with the eyes now said it to … both My Thief and the other pretty one?
Humanoids confuse me.
After that, the one with the eyes spent more time with My Thief and it started to feel like it did before the Change, though they still did not put their faces together. Instead, the one with the eyes started to act like she was My Thief. One time she even pretended to be My Thief. My Thief pretended to be angry, but I knew he was happy. Until he was not. He saw the one with the eyes do things that were like the things he did. And My Thief started to become worried about the one with the eyes because of this.
And then one day the other pretty one was dead and the one with the eyes came inside me and fell asleep on my floor. When she woke up again, the one with the eyes had water in them and so had My Thief and My Thief promised the one with the eyes that he would bring back the other pretty one, even if it meant going to a place called Hell. He said to her something humanoids said to other humanoids who they felt were more important than other humanoids, but he used more words than what I and the one with the eyes had used before. I do not know if the one with the eyes understood.
My Thief tried to help her and in the end the one with the eyes had left and My Thief flew me to where Gallifrey was supposed to be; someone he knew once who apparently as another Thief but not My Thief, had given him the coordinates. But they were a lie. And My Thief became sad again and he damaged me with his fists. But I exist through all of time and space; I cannot feel pain. I waited until My Thief stopped.
I remember him saying, “I gave her up for nothing” as water came out of his eyes and another fluid came out of his hands. At the time I did not realize what he meant.
And then My Thief took us to a place where I could heal and he fell asleep and a creature was on his face and I could not help him because I was still healing. I waited and I waited and then the creature died and My Thief was smiling. And I was well again and I could help him.
Before long, the one with the eyes was inside me again, and I noticed that the two would now occasionally put their faces together, though not the same way My Thief did before the Change. He would also once again allow the one with the eyes to put her appendages around him, to give him comfort.
“Duty of care.”
My Thief now began to say this to the one with the eyes. And I read his mind and I knew he felt worry for her. Worry that she might disappear like the other strays he’d picked up. And I saw into his dreams and how the one with the eyes was there in them. And so many of the dreams made him cry out as he saw the one with the eyes disappear within them.
The one with the eyes was with My Thief more and more now. She was now living within me more frequently. And I did not mind. Because I now loved the one with the eyes again because she came back and made My Thief happy. Yet she also made My Thief sad. If she was not there, he was sad. If she was in danger, he was sad. When she was happy, he was sad.
Humanoids confuse me.
One day, I had to stop My Thief from changing history to save the one with the eyes. No, My Thief, I love you, but there are things I cannot do, not even for you. Not even for the one with the eyes. “Find another way,” I said to him by ringing my cloister bell. And he did. And he was reunited with the one with the eyes and he was happy. And the one with the eyes tried to put her face against My Thief’s face, this time the way she did with him before the Change, but he changed colour like he did before and would not allow it.
My Thief had told her, “duty of care.”
I could tell the one with the eyes did not understand. Did not realize that My Thief had come to value her above all other humanoids, even himself. Why he did not use the words humanoids said to other humanoids who they felt were more important than other humanoids, the words both I and the one with the eyes had used, I do not understand.
And then I made a mistake.
I exist across all of space and time. Every potential future is revealed to me, if I choose to look.
I must never do so. Never. I must not see a potential future in which My Thief has disappeared. Or has Changed into someone who is not My Thief anymore.
But My Thief was in pain. He was so certain that the one with the eyes would leave him, perhaps disappear, that he began to make mistakes and get reckless. And he allowed the one with the eyes to make mistakes and become reckless.
I made a mistake.
I broke the rules.
I looked ahead.
If I could see what future there was for the one with the eyes, I could reassure My Thief that all would be well. I could stop him from being sad and angry and from water coming from him at night.
I looked ahead.
And I saw the one with the eyes with water coming from them as she uses her appendages to embrace My Thief. My Thief with water flowing from his eyes clutching her fingers. The one with the eyes standing in front of a Quantum Shade avatar. The avatar destroying the one with the eyes from the inside out. The one with the eyes making a sound. A terrible sound. The one with the eyes falling. The eyes closing.
And My Thief … My Thief … such anger, such sadness. So sad, that there is no water flowing anymore.
And then torture. Torture for billions of years. And then, without me by his side, his desperation to no longer be sad, to have the one with the eyes happy and by his side again, threatening Creation itself. The coming of the Hybrid.
And that is what I saw.
“Duty of Care.”
I have a duty of care. A duty of care to My Thief. A duty of care to the one with the eyes, who is now prone on my floor, her head sticking out my door, looking down upon the human city as My Thief and a new stray stand at my console. My Thief is shouting instructions to the one with the eyes.
The one with the eyes is still looking down. My Thief is concentrating on guiding me over the city. The stray is just standing there, like they all do when they first venture inside me.
It has to be now. I now love the one with the eyes, even though she makes My Thief happy and sad at the same time and gives him comfort. I have read her dreams and I know she is ready to put her face against My Thief’s again and this time in the same way as before the Change. I know My Thief dreams of doing so, too.
But I now know they will not.
Torture and pain lies ahead for both, very soon now. Pain for the one with the eyes, and the burden of immortality. Torture for My Thief across an eternity, the loss of his memories. Solitude.
Seven seconds.
That is how long a humanoid body falling from this height should take to impact the ground. From this height, the one with the eyes should disappear instantaneously. The odds of remaining conscious beyond the first three seconds are minimal. I will prevent My Thief from using me to catch her.
I will be making My Thief sad and angry. I might even make My Thief abandon me. But if the one with the eyes disappears now, the potential future I see is of My Thief spending minimal time within his confession dial. No Hybrid. My Thief will have water coming from his eyes for a long time, but he will be safe and he will not be tortured.
And as for the one with the eyes, her end will be painless instead of what I saw when I made my mistake and looked ahead.
I shut off a dampener and I jerk forward.
I slow down my perception of time.
The one with the eyes is caught off-guard and starts falling forward, her centre of gravity moving towards the threshold. The stray begins to shout. My Thief’s mouth begins to open as he stretches towards a switch I know will do no good.
The one with the eyes slides forward. Her mouth begins to form a scream like the one I saw when I looked ahead. Her appendages begin to splay out. She hopes to catch herself from falling. But my door is too wide. She will not be able to do it.
I love the one with the eyes. But my love for My Thief is stronger.
The one with the eyes will soon fall and she will disappear.
I have only ever made one other person disappear. It was the human who resembled My Thief after his very first Change. I first learned of hate by viewing this man. And to protect My Thief and his strays I allowed my doors to be opened without the protective shell and cast the hateful man into the vortex.
The one with the eyes is not a hateful man. The one with the eyes loves My Thief. The one with the eyes shows kindness. Find another way.
I make another mistake.
I look ahead again.
My perception of time slowed, I follow every permutation to find a potential future that leads to happiness for My Thief and survival for the one with the eyes — that I can affect, here and now. Soon I will no longer be with them. I will be able to do nothing but watch from a distance.
Other than allowing the one with the eyes to fall and disappear now, I cannot change anything that will happen. If I do it, the one with the eyes disappears because of the Quantum Shade. My Thief spends billions of years imprisoned and nearly destroys all in order to save the one with the eyes. I will be unable to stop him, to sound my cloister bell and tell him to find another way, even if that means allowing the one with the eyes to remain disappeared and make water from his eyes.
In desperation, I look further ahead. Further than the confession dial. Further than Gallifrey. Further than Ne-va-da. And I see …
My Thief and the one with the eyes. Happy. Putting their faces together. Both saying what humanoids say to other humanoids who they feel are more important than other humanoids. My Thief telling her his name which no one is supposed to hear except …
I see the worlds saved by the one with the eyes after Gallifrey. I look at how she makes My Thief happy and gives him joy when they are reunited and his memories restored. But then I see him sad again as she returns to where I saw her first disappear. But she does so with joy, and My Thief is able to say goodbye to her. To move on. To not be sad anymore. It gives him strength. Strength to deal with the dark times I see ahead. Dark times that frighten even me.
I shut off the future memories. It’s dangerous to see too much of the future. Even a TARDIS. I must not do it again.
But I do know what I need to do.
I slightly alter my chameleon shell, narrowing the doors enough so that the one with the eyes can catch herself from falling. Her scream becomes instead one of the sounds humanoids make when they are happy. And then I allow My Thief to regain control, and soon the one with the eyes is safe.
Before long, My Thief lands me in a quiet part of the human city. I watch as he, the one with the eyes, and the stray, leave me. I know it will be many billions of years before My Thief sees me again. Later, the one with the eyes returns to me briefly, only to leave again after retrieving the stray’s tiny communication device. I make a sound with my console as a farewell, but she does not appear to notice. This is the last chance I will have to stop her, to change the future. I let her go.
The stray later returns. He has water coming from his eyes. Soon, I sense that he is trying to alter my external shell with pigment. Others have tried this before. Ever since the last time I have made the pigment vanish by adjusting my chameleon shell. But I allow the stray to apply the pigment and I soon recognize that some of the pigment forms an image of the one with the eyes. Afterwards, the stray leaves me. I let the pigment stay as it is as I wait for the one with the eyes to return.
Which she does, accompanied by an even smaller one with eyes. They do things inside of me and I soon find myself nestled within another TARDIS. I don’t mind as I’m able to exchange information with my sister. And I provide knowledge that the one with the eyes and the smaller one with eyes can use to protect themselves.
And soon I am in another place.
My Thief returns to me not long after that. I know he is different now, billions of years removed from me, with many of his memories of the one with the eyes repressed. For now.
I try to cheer him up. I give him a new sonic device. I try to make him laugh by taking him to a place of celebration. I try to make him happy by taking him to where he could be with the one with the hair who was created partially of me. He spends a long time with the one with the hair before he says goodbye to her and I know this is when she gets ready to disappear. And then My Thief is sad again.
We will travel on, My Thief and me. There are places he needs to go. And someday, one of them will be a place where he and the one with the eyes will be together again, if only for a little while.
I have a duty of care to make sure that happens.