Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There was a woman sitting opposite Jamie on The Tube who had a funny sweater on. It had two little kittens sewn into the front and patches on the elbows. She wore bright red lipstick and her stockings were green. Jamie quite liked it even though it wasn't the usual thing you see people wearing, especially not middle-aged women riding the train.

When she stood up and smoothed her skirt Jamie realized that he didn’t know why he was on The Tube anymore. He had meant to get off in Manchester, on a visit to his mummy. Clearly he hadn’t, and Jamie found himself alarmingly un-fussed about it. He liked riding the train and his brain couldn’t come up with one single good reason why he should get off it and walk right into the crowd of bustling people with big stomping shoes and loud voices.

Jamie’s head felt a bit swimmy, like someone had poured a mug of pleasantly warm tea in through his ear and now it was sloshing around in his skull. He liked the feeling, reminding him of a warm hug or pushing a toy boat under in the bath.

Jamie wasn’t sure how many stops had passed before Roy showed up. Roy seemed a little bit surprised to see Jamie, and went up to him right away.

“Tartt.” Roy grunted, and Jamie only managed a small hum of greeting in return. He was in a quiet mood. His throat felt a bit funny and he thought that if he tried to talk it might come out wobbly. Jamie’s dad said that Jamie said the wrong things a lot and he didn’t want to do that with Roy. Especially not when he was having such a nice day on the train.

“Are you alright, you muppet? What’re you lookin’ like that for?” Roy narrowed his eyes at Jamie, sinking into the seat next to him.

Roy’s beard was fluffy again, Jamie noticed. He’d grown his hair out a bit and now short curls sat on his head. Jamie wanted to feel them, they looked soft. Jamie didn’t realize until Roy was pushing his hand away that he’d reached up to run his fingers through Roy's hair.

“Oi?” Roy grumbled without any real heat in his tone, “Are you high?”

“Uh-uh.” Jamie shook his head clumsily, his bottom lip pushing out just slightly and his eyebrows pressing together. Jamie knew that meant drugs, and mummy said drugs were bad. Why would Roy think he was on drugs? Yuck.

“Yeah.. Sure, then.” Roy said curtly, his chest giving a grumpy rumbling sound like a bear. It made Jamie smile a little bit.

“Where are you headed? Home, I hope.” Roy said, which made Jamie’s smile instantly melt into a small confused frown.

He wasn’t sure exactly where he was meant to be. Mummy hadn’t been expecting him- he was just gonna pop in, but now it was a bit late and Roy was here! So maybe he didn’t need to go to Mummy’s today after all.

Roy sighed at the lack of answer and gave another grunt. “Right. Of course. I’m bringing you to mine, then. Can’t have you stumbling around the city like an idiot and giving Richmond a bad look, can I?”

The Tube went back to being fuzzy and quiet for a few minutes after that. Roy was playing a numbers game in a book with lots of little boxes, and Jamie was watching the windows swirl by. A group of teenagers with bright colors in their hair, a wrinkly old man, and a mother rocking a sleeping baby were the only others in the car at the moment.

Jamie missed being rocked. His auntie would always rock him when she’d babysat him years ago, and he’d always been fond of the memory. It bubbled up in his chest like need and Jamie realized, with some amount of confusion, that the tip of his thumb was in his mouth. Just a little bit, but it made the fuzzy feeling fold over itself like origami.

“Oi.” Roy said, his voice slightly alarmed as he reached over and yanked Jamie’s hand away from his mouth. “You know how many bloody germs are on your hands, you idiot?”

Jamie must have looked pretty sad, because Roy softened- something Roy Kent was most certainly not known for doing. “I just don’t want you to get sick, yeah? Hands are dirty.”

Jamie found that without his thumb to his lips the warm pleasant feeling he’d been swimming in intensified, turning more like a burning at the back of his throat. He leaned into Roy to make it go away, and Roy didn’t react much for a long moment.

Roy’s hands- suddenly bigger than Jamie had ever thought of them before, came to rest on Jamie’s head, and Roy grunted. They spent the rest of the train ride like that. When Roy stood up, Jamie felt a little bit untethered. Like Roy was keeping him tied to the ground, and now he was moving away.

Before Jamie could get proper in a strop about it, Roy reached down and pulled Jamie up by the arm. “Come on, you can walk.” Roy grumbled lightly. Jamie only kept stumbling along next to him because Roy kept a hand resting gently on the back of his neck.

Roy said something, but it meant little to Jamie at the moment. He was too focused on the way the underground station seemed to echo with chatter and loud footsteps to really care much at all about the confusing big words Roy was going on about.

Roy only seemed to notice that Jamie was overwhelmed when they stepped out of the station and into the streets of Richmond.

“Oi, don’t be like that, you muppet,” He said, though his voice was gentle. Almost sweet. “It’s just some people. We’re fine, yeah?”

Jamie hummed in response, moving to walk just a bit closer to Roy, as if the man could somehow shield him from all the commotion of the city.

Thankfully, Roy’s house- a big modern thing made of stone and dark wood, was only a few blocks away and they were there in a short walk.

When they walked in, they were greeted by a puppy, which was so exciting! She was a tan color with red undertones and sleek fur. Jamie thought she looked a bit like a labrador or a pit bull.

Jamie loved puppies! Especially big ones like this. She swayed her hips as she walked and excitedly wagged her tail, nosing at their hands. Jamie pet her and her fur felt soft and smooth.

“This’s Rosie, my dog.” Roy grunted, patting the creature on the head once.

“Puppy.” Jamie said quietly, the excitement still showing through his general quietness at the moment. Roy gave a funny huffy sound that sounded a bit like a laugh. That was a good thing! That meant Jamie made him happy.

“You can play with her if you want.” Roy offered, leading them deeper into the house. “I’ll tell her to be gentle, you know, so she doesn't knock you into more of a state than you’re already in.”

Jamie liked Rosie. He spent at least half an hour tossing her a ball and rolling around on Roy’s shaggy living room carpet with her. He hadn’t really noticed when Roy left, the puppy was too entertaining for Jamie to keep track of anything else.
All he knew was that when Roy came back he had a plate with macaroni and broccoli on it.

“Here, eat this.” Roy grunted, a lack of question in his tone. Jamie didn’t like broccoli, but usually when big people give him something to eat he can't get out of it without being naughty. And Jamie supposed he was pretty hungry- He’d been on the train all day after all.

Jamie fed Rosie a few pieces of broccoli when Roy wasn’t looking and she lapped them out of his hand eagerly.

“You’re getting more pasta on your shirt than in your mouth, you numpty.” Roy grumbled, sliding from the couch down to the floor next to Jamie. He struggled a bit, adjusting his bad knee with a slightly pained grunt before settling next to him.

He grabbed the fork out of Jamie’s hand and stabbed some of the cheesy macaroni onto it.
Jamie hesitantly accepted the bite when Roy held it up to his lips. It felt embarrassing for some reason, and the fuzzy feeling that had been following him all day swirled around in his tummy.

They quickly fell into a soothing routine: Roy would get a small bite onto the fork, and Jamie found himself opening his mouth pre-emptively to accept it. Before long they got to the broccoli bits, and Jamie felt less excited to be fed the leafy green veg.

“Oi. Open your mouth, Tartt.” Roy grunted when Jamie turned his head away. He pressed it against Jamie's lips and he reluctantly bit it off the fork.

Roy made him eat every last one, and Jamie found himself thankful that he’d slipped a few to Rosie earlier. It reminded Jamie of when they were playing football, and Roy made them run laps and drill and drill and drill. Roy was really, really mean sometimes, but Jamie still liked him.

“There you go. That wasn’t too bad, hm?” Jamie didn't know about that, he thought it was pretty bad.

“May be the only bloody vegetable you’ve had in a decade if that's how you act when it’s fed to you but better late than never I suppose.”

Roy looked Jamie up and down before grunting reluctantly. “Well, you’re a proper mess. I don’t want to give you a bath while you’re in such a state, but we’ve got to clean you up somehow.”

Jamie looked down at himself. His hands, his face, and his shirt had yellow cheese smeared onto them. Little bits of pasta had fallen to the floor, and had been promptly licked up.

He did need a bath, and he didn’t quite understand why Roy wouldn’t want to give him one. They had showered in the same room hundreds of times back when Roy had been team captain for Richmond rather than a gaffer.

“Come on, then. I think I’ve got wipes somewhere around here for my niece.” Roy went to stand, but his knee gave a sick crunch and he growled in pain.

“Fuck,” That was a bad word, but Jamie didn’t think he should scold Roy for it while his knee was all poorly. Roy pushed at his knee a bit and then pulled himself to stand, despite the pain he surely felt.

“Okay?” Jamie asked, his mouth tilting into a worried frown. Roy nodded.

“Yeah. My knee is just fine, it’s just actin’ up cos I got on the floor like a muppet.” Roy grumbled.

“Bandaid?” Jamie asked, to which Roy shook his head and gave a little huff again.

“No, Jamie, it doesn’t need a bandaid.” Roy said.

Jamie's lips pressed into a thin line. “Bandaid.” He repeated, sternly. He knew that when you got hurt you got bandaids. Jamie remembered when his Mummy used to put bandaids on his knees after he scraped them playing football.

Roy gave a long reluctant growl. “Fine. If you let me wipe you off without a fuss, you can put a bandaid on my shitty knee.”

Jamie thought that sounded fair, so he nodded. Jamie was being such a good boy, making sure Roy took care of himself! Where would the grizzly old coach be without him?

Jamie sat on the bathroom counter while Roy wiped at his skin with a cold wet wipe. It wasn’t very nice but Jamie didn’t want to be squirmy and risk Roy not letting him patch him up.

“Alright. Good enough.” Roy decided, tossing the wipe in the bin.

“I’ve got some stupid Pajama’s Phoebe bought me for halloween last year that you can wear.” He continued as he led Jamie into a bedroom.

“They’re a bit ridiculous, but you’re a muppet anyways so they’ll match.”

“Bandaid,” Jamie reminded helpfully, making sure Roy didn’t forget about their agreement.

“Yeah, yeah. I haven’t forgotten. Just get dressed.” Roy handed Jamie a pair of black pajamas with bright orange pumpkins all down them and left the room.

Getting dressed was harder than it usually was, and Jamie found that the different holes kept getting stuck in the wrong places. After a long moment of struggle he finished, and proudly walked back out towards the kitchen.

Roy was putting the dishes in the wash when Jamie got back out. He flicked the water off his hands and gave Jamie an exasperated look.

“The shirt’s on bloody backwards, you twat.” He said, moving and pulling the shirt off of Jamie with a restless sense of fond annoyance. It was just like when mummy fussed over his hair.

Roy fixed the shirt and Jamie felt a bit like pouting. He’d worked hard to put the shirt on, it wasn’t his fault that it was so difficult.

“Alright, now you can put the bloody bandaid on my knee.” Roy said, walking over to a cabinet and pulling out a little first aid kit. He handed it to Jamie.

Jamie picked out a princess bandaid instead of a plain tan one. It was from a children's pack that Roy had bought for his niece, but Roy didn’t tell him off. Roy pulled up his pant leg to allow Jamie to carefully apply the pink kiddie thing, even if he grumbled all the while.

“All better,” Jamie declared, proudly smiling at the bandaid.

“Yeah, yeah, you little idiot,” Roy complained lightheartedly as he herded Jamie towards the guest bedroom. “you’ve healed me.”

“We’ve got to brush your teeth,” Roy said, pulling him into the attached bathroom. “and then you’re going to bloody sleep like you should have hours ago- loopy as you are. ”

Jamie frowned a little bit at that, but he was pretty tired, so he didn’t complain beyond a grumble. His throat tickled when he did it and he sounded like Roy, which made him giggle.

“Oi? Are you fucking mocking me?” Roy asked with a slight scoff, pulling out a fresh toothbrush and toothpaste. “I guess some things never change.”

Roy didn’t even give Jamie the chance to brush his own teeth- which was a bit offensive, in Jamie’s opinion. He was a big boy! He didn’t need help. Only because Roy had been so nice all night did he hold his mouth open obediently without kicking up a fuss.

Roy worked the mint paste over each of his teeth, having Jamie swish water from a little cup every so often. He poked between all of Jamie's teeth with the flossy sticks that Jamie never actually bought when he went to the market. Just another example of how un-fun and mean Roy was- making him floss. Bleh!

Rosie padded into the room, her paws hitting the floor with a sense of grace that seemed out of place on such a large dog.

“Puppy saying goodnight.” Jamie said, happy to see her again and quickly distracted from his annoyance with the flossing.

“Yeah. She is, isn’t she?” Roy said gruffly, running the toothbrush under the tap.

Soon, Rosie and Jamie were cuddled up on the guest bed, and Roy was reluctantly tucking the blankets around Jamie.

“Alright. If you need somethin’ then I’m down the hall, yeah?” Roy said, standing up to leave which made Jamie frown. Why was Roy going away? Jamie wanted him to stay.

“No, stay,” He whinged, remembering a tactic that had sometimes worked on his mummy, “can you tell me a story?”

Roy hesitated, before grumbling and sitting back down on the edge of the bed.

“Alright, but just one, you hear?” He grunted. Jamie nodded, a smile tilting onto his face as he melted into the covers.

“Hmm.. Well.. once upon a time,” Roy sounded awkward beginning the story, but he didn't stop. “There was a princess… in a tower.”

Jamie let his eyes close and he pressed his face into the sleek fur of the lanky doggy beside him.

Chapter Text

Roy Kent was not an affectionate man. In fact, most people would tell you he was quite the opposite. Constant swearing, a frown that could kill, and his general avoidance of silly things like hugging and emotions had led to a rather grizzly reputation.

The only exceptions to this rule were his young niece Phoebe, his dog, and occasionally his sister.

He had hardly even been touchy-feely with Keeley, his most recent girlfriend, and undoubtedly the most committed relationship he’d ever been in outside of football.

That was why he was more than a bit perplexed when he found himself tucking Jamie fucking Tartt into his guest bed and telling him a stupid childrens story like they were in a Hallmark film.

He’d found Jamie in Oxford, on The Tube back towards Richmond. Roy had been out there on a day trip with his group of yoga nan’s. He didn’t expect to see anyone he knew so far from their usual city, and he certainly hadn’t expected to find the young football prodigy in the right state he was in.

The poor idiot was practically loopy, sticking shit in his mouth and humming fondly as the train rumbled below them. Roy couldn’t in good conscience just leave him there to make a fool of himself, so he’d done the only reasonable thing and brought Jamie home.

Just for the night. Only because Roy wasn't about to let him put a stain on Richmond’s reputation.

Things had only gotten stranger as the night went on; Jamie’s disjointed speech and a general childishness that at first had Roy believing he was high.

The theory honestly still wasn’t entirely off the table, even though Jamie's eyes looked normal, and he smelled the same as usual (strawberry body wash and a hint of his obnoxious cologne Roy was absolutely not secretly fond of), and there were no other recognizable physical signs of the muppet being on something.

He’d practically cooed at Roy’s dog when they’d gotten to his house, and Roy was certain he saw him slip a few bits of broccoli to her like a mischievous child. Not to mention his sudden inability to do much of anything for himself. Spilling pasta everywhere, putting his shirt on backwards, stumbling like a newborn deer any time Roy had him walk.

Roy had been bloody reeling the whole night, and was slightly thankful when Jamie finally fell asleep.

Roy was careful not to slam the door as he left the guest room, not wanting to wake Jamie after spending the better part of twenty minutes getting the bastard to sleep. He huffed when it closed and his mind spun, trying to make sense of what was quite honestly: extremely fucking unusual behavior.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and rang Keeley. He was hopeful she’d have some sort of explanation, she knew Jamie better after all.

“Hey, Roy” Keeley greeted cheerfully.

“Hey.” Roy grunted, before getting straight to business. “I’ve got a question.”

“Okaaay. Shoot.” Keeley replied, a bit of fond amusement in her tone.

“Someone I know who's usually a cocky arsehole has been acting really fucking odd tonight.”

He said, pausing to gather his thoughts,

“I found him on the train and he’s been all fucking loopy since. But he doesn’t seem high at the same time? It's really bloody strange. He’s less competent than Phoebe was when she was three.”

“Hmm. Is he, like, having a medical emergency?” Keeley asked, her playful tone all but evaporating.

“I don’t think so. I fucking hope not. That sounds like a bloody nightmare to have to deal with.” Roy grumbled, a sacrilegious hint of worry worming its way through his chest when he thought about Jamie being hurt.

“Hmm.. You said he was acting like a three year old?” Keeley asked, her voice contemplative.

“Eh. Maybe a little bit younger, but more or less.”

“He could be regressing. Like, age regression.” Keeley said, like that made total sense and wasn’t the most confusing thing he’d heard in weeks.

“What the fuck is age regressing? That sounds like a bunch of woo-woo.” His voice was gruff and uncertain.

“It’s where someone’s brain goes back to bein’ younger for a little bit, to cope and shit.” She said, simply. “Color and watch the telly without having to really deal with all the bullshit of adulthood. I had a girlfriend who did it back in Uni.”

Leave it to Keeley to have some obscure definition for any random circumstance Roy found himself in.

“Can I ask who this is about?” Keeley asked, when he didn’t reply for a moment.

He growled for a moment, considering if he should tell her or not but ultimately deciding he could trust her.

“.... Tartt.”

There was a small surprised sound on the other line.

“Huh. Like our Tartt? Jamie Tartt? The one with the obnoxious hair and the nice arse?” She asked, amused again.

Roy gave a long exasperated sigh. “Thats the one.”

“He’s probably just stressed. I doubt he’s doing it on purpose then, since he’s- you know. Jamie.” Roy could agree with that. No way would cocksure, arrogant Jamie Tartt ever intentionally act like that.

“I’ll send you an article about age regression then, yeah? If he’s like that you’ve got to be nice to him.” She said sternly, and Roy could feel her giving him a pointed look through the phone.

“I am being bloody nice to him, I fed him dinner and told him a fucking princess story for christ sake.” Roy retorted.

“Awww, really? That's so sweet.” Keeley cooed, which made him regret sharing that with her.

“Yeah, yeah. Fuck off.” He growled.

“It’s okay. Just.. talk to him about it. He’s asleep right now, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Talk to him about it when he wakes up. Keep me updated, will you?” Keeley requested, and who was he to say no.

They hung up not long later and Roy spent the rest of the night reading about “age regression” online. It was fairly common, according to one website. A weird fetish according to the next. Therapeutic and healthy according to Urban Dictionary.
Even though he stayed up late, Roy still woke up at four AM on the dot. Old habits die hard, he supposed, and even though he’d been retired for the better part of a year now he still followed much the same routine as he had before.

Jamie was predictably still asleep, which gave Roy time to get ready, feed Rosie, do his exercises for his fucked up knee, and eventually get started on breakfast for the two of them.

Jamie eventually left the guest bedroom at about eight. He was still wearing the pumpkin pajamas- probably because Roy had put his clothes from the night before into the wash. His hair was stuck up in a few different directions and he looked embarrassed before he even saw Roy.

“Heyy.” Jamie started awkwardly. Apologetic. “I’m sorry about last night- I honestly don’t know what the fuck that was, I-”

“Don’t blabber. I made eggs and toast.” Roy said simply, not seeing the point in letting the younger man work himself into a fit over it before he’d even gotten his morning protein in.

“I… Okay. Thanks?” Jamie said, accepting the plate that was offered to him and sitting at the table. Rosie was at his side in an instant, the rotten creature probably remembering the night before when he’d been liberal with the treats he gave her.

They ate in silence, and only when they were finished did Roy clear his throat and attempt to begin the conversation.

“So..” Roy said, trailing off like an idiot.

“I’m sorry.” Jamie said again, the words spilling out with a muted sense of urgency. “I really, do not have a fucking clue what the hell that was about. I was gonna go visit me mum, but then I got distracted on the train or something? I dunno what happened, it was like one second I was fine and the next me brain had just shut off.”

“Quit apologizing. I’m not gonna bite your head off, you muppet.” Roy said, finding himself a bit more willing to be kind in the face of Jamie’s vulnerability.

“I.. talked to Keeley about it. She called it age regression, whatever the bloody hell that is.” He said, a little bit hesitant. “The internet gave me like thirty fucking definitions, but for the most part people seem to agree it's fine.”

Jamie’s brow pressed together and he gave a slightly perplexed hum.

“I dunno.. I’ll google it..” He said. “It felt.. Nice? I guess? It was really bloody weird though.”

“Yeah, it was a bit odd.” Roy grunted in agreement. “I didn’t.. entirely mind it though. You were less yappy and annoying like that.”

Jamie seemed to appreciate the familiarity of their banter, giving an offended scoff in return but not denying the claim.

“Thanks for.. Not being a prick.” Jamie said before sipping down the last of his glass of water.

“Woah, I’m still a prick.” Roy said with some amount of offense. “Don’t think I’m suddenly gonna fucking pamper you like the purse dog you pretend to be.”

Jamie rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry, I won't tell anyone you aren't always grumpy.”

Jamie left not long later, and Roy let him go. He slipped Rosie a bit of leftover egg and grumbled.

“Fucking Tartt.. Making me act like an idiot.” He said to the dog, as if she could reply.

“I hate the guy, he’s obnoxious.” He added. Rosie looked up at him with big knowing eyes.

“Oh fuck off, you just like him cause he feeds you.”