Archive of Our Own

Ralsei’s eyes rip open, as he’s covered in sweat. He breathes in heavily, feeling trapped trapped trapped-

His claws extend from his paws. They’re sharp, a dull pink just like his horns. His right hand is trapped, tanged and bound, and he nearly tears into his restraints until-

He breathes.

Susie and Kris didn’t let him sleep on his own. When they dragged their beds together for the sleepover, Susie grabbed him and held him tight, until he relaxed and joined them in their rest. He’s laying on top of one of her arms. Her head was laying against his own, her chin resting in the soft spot between his horns. Kris was hugging him tight, their face nuzzled into the space where his neck met his shoulders, and one of Ralsei’s hands was tangled in their hair, pressed into the back of their head.

He silently winces. His claws are still extended, the tips just touching Kris’ scalp. Angel above, he could have killed them. 

He could have killed Kris.

No, no, no… Why did he agree to do this? He knew this would happen. He knew. 

This has happened every single time he has woken up. He suspects that it’s because of the proximity to the pure fountain.

(His breath hitches. His nightmare. The fountain that gave him form. Sickening light searing burning pouring filling his mind)

He catches his breath, before his claws can extend again.

Selfish, selfish, selfish. He was so selfish for thinking that he could allow himself this mercy. To allow himself the tight tenderness of Kris’ arms around his plush chest, to lay atop Susie’s arm as her drool leaks into his wool. This wasn’t for him. He wasn’t made to be loved.

He thought kindness had overcome the prophecy before. He had hoped with Tenna. He had so, so desperately hoped. He doesn’t get visions often, anymore, but the very first time he had seen Tenna, he had known. The words flashed into his mind, direct and unchanging as they always were. “THE LORD OF SCREENS // CLEAVED RED BY BLADE.” Even though he and his friends treated everyone with kindness as they typically do, that did not stop the words from coming to pass.

His nightmare might be true. It does not change what his first vision was. The first thing he learned about himself. “ONCE HE HAS SERVED HIS FINAL PURPOSE // THE HEROES SHALL END THE PRINCE OF THE DARK.” When he first gained awareness in what would become Castle Town, when he first looked down at himself, the first line of the tragedy would embed itself in his mind. He has never had a moment without this knowledge. Perhaps that is a mercy - it would have been beyond cruel to be surprised by his fate.

Woven into his claws are the umbral magics he has chosen to reject. A kind story would not need those gifts, and he would gladly make himself less useful - gladly hasten his own end - if it meant the story might have a happy ending. 

Was that nightmare a memory? He was always connected to Kris, walking behind them in the way that only a shadow may. He remembers what Kris felt, the day that he was born. The death of their innocence, the complete and utter loss that shattered any hope they might have had. His nightmare fits with those feelings. 

He has visions. Mostly the visions are of the future, or of the present, but the dark worlds are nebulous. Besides, with Red - the soul within Kris - involved in this world, time is no longer strictly linear. It could have been real. That nightmare felt real.

Less than twelve hours ago, Ralsei would have committed to keeping this secret. He bears so many burdens for his friends, what is one more? He would have kept this to himself, because no one else deserves to feel his pain.

Ralsei knows better now. This would bring pain to Kris, but knowing anything more about what happened would be a balm for their missing soul. They never healed from that wound, and until now, nothing Ralsei could have ever done would have cured what has been tearing them apart.

But, perhaps more than that… he’s agreed to start being more open with his friends, and Kris deserves to know.

Kris deserves to know what he saw of December.

As for himself, though… he needs to tend to himself. He has become a danger to his friends, and he would never allow that.

He must remake himself, to render himself perfectly palatable. 

Ralsei pulls on the magic within him, stretching out his command of dark-element magic. He has not exercised that mental muscle in a long time, but it still responds to his commands, taking his tension and stress and giving it an outlet.

* Ralsei casts Penumbra.

As the magic flows through his body, his form grows hazy and indistinct, as he fades into his own shadow, supported by nothing. Kris whines as he disappears from their grip, and Ralsei turns back for just a moment.

He could have killed Kris.

If he had panicked even a little bit more, if he had accidentally struck Kris’s head with his claws while thrashing about after waking up… He needs to do this.

These dangers are merely weeds in the garden he must grow of himself, interrupting the carefully sculpted presentation he has tried so, so hard to create.

His shadow flows across the bed like water down a stream, pouring off the bed and sliding under the door. He pulls himself back into his preferred shape once he’s out of the room, before softly walking to the stairs leading to the next floor. His soft, feline-adjacent paws muffle his movements. He wishes he could fiddle with his scarf to calm himself, but it was a gift. He knows exactly how easy it would be to leave permanent holes in the fabric, to permanently damage what he loves while he’s like this. He settles for tensing and untensing his fingers, feeling as his sharp pink claws retract in and out.

Slipping back into his own empty room, Ralsei spots the broken glass littering the floor from when his window inexplicably broke last night, alongside his glasses.

Wait. His glasses.

Ralsei sighs, pressing the palm of his hand against his snout, his finger still bent as if to avoid scratching his wool against his glasses, even though nothing was there. That’s going to be a problem. He doesn’t need them while he’s attuned to the dark, and as such he forgot to grab them. Ralsei is not going to risk waking his friends just to retrieve his glasses.

That’s okay. He won’t need to see much once he has finished. He’ll just sneak back into the room, and hope that neither of his friends have awoken.

He goes over to the strange block with a face on it that he had claimed for his room, before pushing the fuzzy cube until it rests just under the window. Ralsei climbs atop it, carefully adjusting how he sits until he faces the window with his legs splayed out.

Right. Now is the time to prune his garden. Like a rose, he must remove the thorns every time they grow, lest he evoke blood when he means to evoke love.

He could recite the rites in his sleep. He has done this every single ‘day’ for most of his existence. This is his commitment to kindness.

He allows his form to become indistinct, to become malleable to his will, and he grabs the large claw extending from the thumb on his left hand. He extends it as much as possible, feeling the solid shadow beneath, and he incants as he channels part of his magic into the claw. He gathers his mastery of dream magic, the ultimate manifestation of the years he spent hoping to be useful for the heroes, and he traps it within the talon, before pulling with a single, violent yank.

* Ralsei may no longer cast Dream Eater!

Black blood stains the scratchy fabric of the plush cube, as he breathes frantically.

* Ralsei’s Max HP decreased! 300 → 260.

He’s done this many times before, but closing fountains makes everyone more capable. 

* Ralsei’s Backstab Damage Multiplier decreased! x10 → x6.

He inflicts a wound upon himself that would have killed him four days ago.

* Ralsei’s Base Magic decreased! 25 → 21.

What if these adventures make his magic strong enough that he can’t remove this power anymore?

* Ralsei’s Proficiency with Dream Magic Decreased! Master → Expert.

Ralsei furrows his brow as he breathes, frantically. His vision has begun to blur. His thumbs are bleeding, as are his feet - the rites allow him to remove each of them at once. A small mercy. He whispers a silent prayer to the angel, and healing washes over him. His fur regrows as the plush on his thumbs is reformed, as the magic works to regenerate the tips of his fingers. He knows that he’s not made of flesh and organs like the lightners - even monsters are more physical than him.

He still bleeds, however. He doesn’t have anything inside him, but the three-inch long claw in his right hand still has part of a knucklebone attached. 

Ralsei sets the discarded claws on the closest thing he has to a bed, where they drip and stain the fabric with black blood. It doesn’t matter - his pain isn’t real. He isn’t real. His blood will not remain, once he leaves this room.

He has never cast that spell, the one he earned with complete mastery of his favored type of magic. Ralsei can tap into some of the underlying fabric of this world, to see things that were never meant for him. Every spell for every permutation of the various types of magic has its own description.

Dream Eater’s description is a single word. 

Fatal.

There is no reason for him to have such magic, and as such he utterly rejects that part of himself. Yes, he had worked hard to evolve Dream Buster through various permutations until he had achieved complete mastery… but he refuses to use what he has created out of himself.

Ralsei extends the claw on his left pointer finger, and he draws in the darkness within him. He traps his horrified discovery as to this spell’s potential into the claw, before he rips part of himself away with practiced precision.

* Ralsei may no longer cast Extract!

Ralsei had high hopes when he first learned this spell. He had worked hard to refine Darkshock into something that might be useful. Something that wouldn’t hurt.

* Ralsei’s Max HP decreased! 260 → 240.

Extract’s description implies it to be a utility spell. “Send out your shadow to remove an item from a container remotely, without opening the container.”

* Ralsei’s Backstab Damage Multiplier decreased! x6 → x4.

When he casts it, he gets an itemized list of what he could have his shadow attempt to remove.

* Ralsei’s Base Magic decreased! 21 → 19.

According to this spell, people are containers.

* Ralsei’s Proficiency with Dark Magic Decreased! Expert → Adept.

He will never cast it again.

Wait. Ralsei was at Expert proficiency with Dark magic? He wasn’t at that point when he removed his claws yesterday.

He thinks back to last night, as black blood continues to drip from his paws. When the second sanctuary had opened, Ralsei had allowed himself to reabsorb enough of the dark to use Penumbra, so that he might be able to backstab the statue darkner that was attacking Susie and Kris.

Ralsei killed a darkner while using dark magic. Of course he got stronger. Of course he was the one to ruin everything, to be the first member of their party to take a life.

This… this isn’t good. New fountains have been opening up every single day, and he does not have the time or privacy to figure out what spells are now available to him. To figure out which parts of himself might prove to be a problem.

There was a chance that it might be something useful. Dark and Star magics are an elemental pair because they both concern the powers of fate. The power of darkness is in potential, in the ability to imagine a subversion of the path, but not all paths are good - there’s a reason the titans and the knight are connected to the dark, after all.

However, it was far more likely that he would have to try and hide some new power during the next adventure with his friends. He hopes that doesn’t come to pass. He doesn’t want to hide more from them, not when he’s promised to tell them more.

He rubs the claw and attached knucklebone through his fluffy pawpads. If Ralsei had his way, he would never reveal this part of himself to them. The potential danger he has locked away inside him.

Especially given what he learned of Red, the soul, last night.

Unfortunately, it seems like that wish will not be granted, for a light shines on Ralsei’s back. He hears music, the soft chimes of a music box mixed with the ticking of a clock. That must mean-

He turns around, and sees Susie standing at the door. The light from the hallway leaves her a silhouette. The dark augments his sight, even as it grows blurrier as he tears away his power, allowing him to see her expression shift from one of confusion to one of worry.

“Ralsei? Wait, fuck, your hand!” With surprising speed, she gathers a ball of green light between her hands before firing at him, striking his hand. The open wound is sealed as his finger regrows, reforming without the offending claw within.

Ralsei goes to try and deflect, “Susie! I’m sorry, I-” but she quickly cuts him off.

“Dude, who did this to you? Did someone bite off part of your hand?” Susie strides towards him, quickly taking his hand in her own, and he sees in her eyes. He watches as she sees the pile of discarded claws, the black blood coating his hands and feet pooling around him, the haggard look in his eyes.

“Ralsei. What the hell are you doing?” He looks away, staring down in defeat as she takes in the three claws left on his hand. She turns her own clawed hands over his own, and her claws aren’t like his. Her claws are dulled like a bear’s, worn by use and used with care. As she runs her fingers over his fingerpads, his claws emerge like a big cat’s - sharp and dangerous.

He doesn’t respond to her. She looks at his hand, as she sits on the blood-stained block with him. “I didn’t know you had claws.”

He continues looking away. “I don’t. Well… I shouldn’t.”

Susie grips his hand tight, before loosening for a moment. She checks him for any signs of pain, before she cups his hand in her own. She takes a moment to gather her thoughts, looking at Ralsei in the vain hope that he might continue on his own, but he refuses.

His mind refuses to work. How can he explain the necessity of this? How can he explain that his pain isn’t meaningless?

He breathes in, before he speaks. “Susie, I killed someone yesterday.”

She blinks. “What? You… you did?”

Ralsei nods. “The statue. They were a darkner, Susie. Even if they were attacking you and Kris, I was the one who chose to kill them.” He looks down at his claws. “I don’t like my claws, Susie. I don’t like being dangerous. That… isn’t what I want ‘me’ to be.”

Susie looks down at him. “What the hell do your claws have to do with that?” She lets go of his hand, before grabbing Ralsei’s shoulders. He can feel her own claws digging into his shoulders. He does not respond to her, and he watches as her mind shifts gears. “Ralsei, we’re all dangerous. You’ve joined us on the attack every single time we’ve been forced to fight. That doesn’t mean anything.” She squeezes him, and his breath hitches. “Just because you can hurt people… that doesn’t mean you will. That you have to, uh, hurt people.” 

She looks away, as emotions crawl across her maw. Ralsei takes the opportunity to speak up. “Susie… I. Thank you, but it's not that simple.” He reaches down, and takes one of his thumb-claws that he had torn out. Susie looks like she’s going to be sick, seeing the bloody knucklebone and wool still stuck to the base of it. “I can change my shape in small, insubstantial ways, but this… this is based on who I am.”

He tries to find a way to explain this in a way she could understand. “It’s not that I’m dangerous because I have claws, but rather that I have claws because I’m dangerous. Does that make sense, Susie?”

Her eyes do not show understanding. “Not… really? I mean, I get what you said, but that doesn’t explain why you’re hurting yourself.”

“When I remove my claws, I remove the danger from myself.” Susie looks at him with confusion and concern.

Right. 

He… will have to explain this, then. “Well… Um, Susie, you know how cool and badass you are with your magic, after only having it for a few days?”

Susie smirks, but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “Yeah, what of it?”

Ralsei looks at her directly. He hasn’t really talked about it with her, and he needs to convey to her the intensity he feels. “I didn’t start strong, but I’ve had… a lot longer to practice. I was… alone down here for a very long time, Susie. I spent seven years studying the prophecy, studying magic, looking for ways to break fate… practicing my magic until I was strong enough to fight alongside Lightner heroes.”

He holds up the claw taken from his thumb for her, and he winces at the heartbreak in her eyes. “When I remove each of my claws… I remove everything that allows me to kill people. To ensure the option is taken off the table. It’s just better this way, Susie.”

“Like hell it is, Rals!” She stared into his eyes, and he hates how worried she looks, how torn she seems. “You aren’t going to make yourself better by hurting yourself. That doesn’t work. That never works.” She breathes out. “If you don’t want to hurt people, then don’t. That choice belongs to you.”

He sniffles, pulling back towards the empty window and out of her reach. “I… Susie, I woke up because of a nightmare, and I almost killed Kris. I deal… a lot more damage to someone that isn’t expecting my attacks. I just barely stopped myself. What if something happens, Susie? I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you or Kris…”

That was a lie. He knows what he would do. If Kris died while Red was within them, it would probably shatter Red as well, which would immediately force her to time travel back to a point in which they were all alive. If Kris died while Red was outside of them, or if Susie died… he would force the issue. Lethally, if need be. There is no hope if one of his friends is dead.

Heh. All this talk about not wanting to kill, and he has a plan to kill Red if he has to. That isn’t the same, though - death is a mere annoyance to her. She claims that she isn’t the angel, but he knows more than almost anyone else about the prophecy. If Red isn’t the angel, then she’s filling the angel’s role in the story. Just like he has to play the role of the prince, and Kris has to play the role of the cage.

There’s another reason he’s planned for this, however. “Plus… we both heard Red, those short few hours ago. She has flirted with the forbidden path, Susie. She is willing to kill to satiate her curiosity. I… I trust her to do the right thing in the end, but I would not tempt her.”

Susie looks at him like she’s trying to coax out a scared cat. Fitting, he supposes. While he’s only seen Toriel personally, real Mimiga like her are supposed to have traits resembling goats and dogs. His true self superficially resembles a Mimiga, but he could never pass for the real thing. He is made of parallel creatures, with traits stolen from sheep and cats. Softer creatures for a softer self, yet one that still allows him to have a resemblance to those Kris loves.

His soft wool presses against the black wall of his room, as she speaks again. “Look, dude… this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but there’s no way to go through life without hurting people. We’re all a little bit fucked up, we all have our own issues and blind spots and shit. Our ability to hurt people is admittedly… a lot more than most people, but also like.” She slides off the bloodstained face-cube and begins pacing. “Almost everyone who we’ve met here has tried to kick our asses. You were always the one to encourage kindness and shit, Ralsei. Do you think I like Lancer any less because he hit me a few times with some spades? Do you think I hate Tenna because he electrocuted all of us in those weird balls?”

Susie turns back to face him. “Ralsei… you remember that Kris and I weren’t exactly friends before this, right?”

Where… where was she going with this? He nods. While they approached him together, their initial interactions and Susie’s… rowdiness during Card Kingdom suggested that they didn’t know each other too well before this. In a way, Ralsei and Kris were Susie’s first real friends, just as Kris and Susie were Ralsei’s first friends.

Ralsei knows that Kris used to have friends in the Holiday sisters. Even if December is gone, he hopes that Kris is still friends with Noelle. Everything he heard suggested they still had something with each other. He tries not to acknowledge the part of himself that wants to be her friend, too. The two of them barely talked in Cyber World, and it would be for the best to minimize the amount of people who knew about the dark worlds. And yet… 

No, not now. Susie isn’t looking at him, so he croaks out a proper response. “I… I figured you knew of each other, but just didn’t have the opportunity to grow close.”

Susie… Susie laughs? Why? Why is she laughing at this? “Did I say something wrong? Susie?”

It is not a happy laugh. She looks like she’s about to cry. “We had the opportunity to be friends. We sat next to each other in class.” She turns to face him, and tears linger at the corners of her eyes. “I used that opportunity to hurt them, every single day. I was Kris’ bully, Ralsei.”

What. Ralsei blinks, but… “How? What? I… I know you got off to a rocky start, but Kris lo- really likes you. As far as I know, they’ve never expressed any fear or apprehension towards you. Well… we’ve mostly known Kris while they were possessed, but they’ve had opportunities to voice those things.” He rubs his paws together. “I… I can’t speak for them, really, but they clearly trust you now. They’ve trusted you ever since Card Kingdom.”

Ralsei thinks back to that first day. The dismay he felt when one of the heroes left him behind, when he saw a trail of battered and beaten Darkners in Susie’s wake. His hope was challenged at that point, but she came around in the end. The three of them were the best friends he could hope for, now.

Susie looks away from him. “Kris would be justified if they never wanted to talk with me again, based on what I’ve done to them. Just that morning, I slammed Kris into a locker and threatened to kill them. So…” She turns to face him, and oh, her eyes are so kind. “I don’t know. If you hurt someone you care about, then you work to fix it. If Kris can live with what I did to them intentionally, I’m sure they can live with what you have the potential to do.”

He’s crying. He wipes away a tear with his thumb, as he mutters “Susie…”

“So like, I don’t care if you have a spell that can remotely rip people’s hearts out or whatever, but-”

Another tear falls into his wool. “I do. That was the spell I just removed, Susie.”

She blinks, as she steps closer. “Wait, really?” He nods. “That’s sick as hell man!”

He sniffles, “Really? But… it’s a spell that can kill Lightners. A spell that can damage people’s minds, as well as their bodies. There’s no reason for me to be able to do that.”

Susie steps up to him again, grabbing his hand. “Dude, you can point at someone and rip out their heart with magic. That’s sick as fuck. Should you actually do that?” She scratches her head. “Ehhh… probably not. But like, c'mon man, you have to admit that’s really cool.”

Somehow, he manages to smile. “I suppose it is, Susie.”

She smiles, before running her hands over his own. “Also, you can retract your claws. That makes things way easier, even if they’re sharp and shit.” She runs her finger along the bottom of the claw on his middle finger, careful to avoid cutting her finger. “And like, having claws doesn’t have to mean a thing. Kris’ mom has claws too, and that doesn’t mean anything about her. Her claws don’t even retract! They’re just out all the time, and none of her little kindergarten brats are scared of holding her hand.”

Ralsei looks at her, before looking at her own hand. She hasn’t mentioned her own claws, the dull black things extending from her fingers. “Your, your claws are really cool too Susie.” He sniffles. “I, I never wanted to imply that they weren’t. It’s different for me, that’s all.”

Susie pulls him until he’s standing up. “Is it, man? I’ve had teachers and shit treat me worse because I had the power to hurt other kids. I responded by proving them right. If they were going to treat me like a problem, then I might as well be one. Ralsei, you have the power to hurt people, but you haven’t.” She sighs, “This touchy-feely stuff is hard. Just don’t punish yourself for shit you haven’t done, alright?”

Ralsei stays quiet, but he squeezes her hand. “I… I suppose I am.” He sighs. “I don’t want to hurt people, and that’s what many of the spells I know are capable of. But… well, we did okay the first time, but maybe having one of those spells ready would have made a difference against the Titan. Maybe, if I had allowed myself to keep that magic, it would have helped against the Knight, even though we now know that it’s… what’s left of Noelle’s sister, in there.”

Susie nods. “Hell yeah, dude.” She looks down at his hand. “So… how do we fix this? Do we just stick your claws back in?”

He chuckles. Some part of him feels dirty for laughing at all after such a heavy conversation, but it’s Susie! Somehow, she always knows how to pick him up whenever he falls. “Let’s head to my fountain. I… I can fix myself there.”

Susie nods, before reaching into her pocket, before pulling out his glasses. One of the lenses is still cracked and missing a chunk of glass from last night. “Before I forget, here’s your nerd glasses. Don’t want you tripping and falling down the stairs at… whatever hour in the morning it is.”

He returns his glasses to his face. Even with just a bit of the dark missing, that’s enough to give him trouble seeing things close to him. “It’s just after six thirty, Susie. Wouldn’t you normally be awake for school at this point?”

She opens the door, and the two of them begin walking through the halls of the castle. “I wouldn’t call myself awake at those hours, Ralsei. Plus, we were up until like 4am last night.” She yawns. “We are going right back to bed after this. I grabbed Lancer and stuck him in the bed so Kris wouldn’t be alone, at least.”

Ralsei nods. That’s good. 

As the two of them walk down the halls, Susie asks, “So, what spells do you actually know? There’s that sick heart-ripping for one, anything else cool?”

“Um, well.” How to explain this that doesn’t devalue her own accomplishments? “You know how Rude Buster is your damage spell? Every person has um, magical affinities. Darkners and monsters are connected to elements, and those are the types of magic that come naturally to you. Your elements are Rude and Fight, and Rude Buster is the base form of a Rude-element damage spell. The more you practice with a spell, though, the more it does.”

They walk past the doors to the shared bedroom, mutually agreeing to keep quiet for a moment as they round the corner and head down the stairs.

“My most dangerous spell was once Dream Buster. A Dream element damage spell that attacked a target’s mind, instead of their body. I thought it would be safe to work on, since it can’t actually do permanent harm, so I mastered the spell until it changed into Dreamshock. Dreamshock was mostly the same, but it would also leave our foes dazed, slowing down their attacks and making them easier to dodge. About three years ago, I managed to evolve it again, into… Nightmare. It was like Dreamshock, but… it also made people relive my nightmares as a way to further disorient them. It would be too cruel to ever use that.”

Of course, his nightmares were also intimately connected to the prophecy. Giving out information before he should… would be a problem. He’s being more honest now, but how cruel would it have been if he had told Tenna that the lord of screens would be cleaved red by blade? It would have been cruelty beyond measure if he had burdened that man with his own imminent demise. That’s just one example - what else could he unknowingly inflict on someone else by using that spell? What else could he let slip?

He breathes out a sharp breath, before continuing. Susie looks at him contemplatively as his soft paws take him down the steps. “I spent… years trying to fix it. To make the spell do something else, to unlearn Nightmare and return to the familiarity of Dreamshock, but to no avail. Eventually, I just tried… mastering the spell, casting it on my training dummy and becoming as familiar with it as I can in order to… evolve it again.”

Ralsei holds up the claw he took from his thumb. “It became Dream Eater, a spell that-”

“Wait, wait a second.” Susie pauses, and he stops as they reach the bottom of the stairwell. “That’s the same spell system as Dragon Blazers! Like, down to the spell names and everything.”

Ralsei blinked. What? What did that mean? He’s pretty sure Dragon Blazers is a video game series, but-

“And Dream Eater? I remember first hearing about Dragon Blazers because some nerds were watching the shadow guy’s final attack animation in the computer lab of whatever podunk school I was going to at the time.” Susie pauses for a moment, before grabbing his plush body and shaking him. “Wait, Ralsei, you don’t think the people who made the Dragon Blazers games know about the dark worlds, do they?

“I don’t know! Maybe!” He… has no idea on what to think about this. “I don’t sense any fountains outside of Hometown. Perhaps there were more before I first, uh, awakened as a Darkner, or maybe I just can’t tell if there are fountains really far away from here?”

Susie sets him down, patting him on the head almost absentmindedly. “That’s weird as hell. Too bad the internet’s down, or we could make Kris do some research.” She shrugs. “Still, if Dream Eater is the same as in the game, it’s this big trippy psychedelic spell that kills someone’s mind, right?”

He awkwardly adjusts his glasses as he brings her to the door behind his cauldron. “I, uh, wouldn’t know. I’ve never cast it. All I know is that the spell is… fatal.”

Susie looks over, and he can tell that she was making a connection in her mind. “You know what, fair, I guess. If we ever fight another Titan, you could cast that spell on it?”

Ralsei shakes his head. “Titans are… well, avatars of destruction meant to bring about the end of the world. They don’t exactly have a… mind, for dream spells to influence. Titans are also intrinsically tied to the dark - Extract is a dark-element spell. It wouldn’t do much.” He pauses. “Still… I suppose if we’re keeping my magic, I did learn one spell in preparation for facing the harbingers of the roaring.”

Ralsei extends his palm, and a flame erupts from it. 

Susies eyes have stars in them. “Holy shit dude! You really have been holding back on us! You have fire magic too?”

He nods. “It’s strange. It wasn’t something I had a natural affinity for, but I practiced it anyway because… well, using fire is the closest thing a darkner can come to wielding light.” He laughs to himself, in the way a man dying of thirst might laugh at a mirage. “What I know of the prophecy was only the text - how ironic, then, that when we went to the second sanctuary, I saw myself in the prophecy.” With a flick of his wrist, the flame disappears from his paws, as six flames erupt next to the six wings adorning the door. “The prince, obscured by that faded cloak marking my role’s station and fate, wielding fire in their hands.”

Susie scratches the back of her head. “Well, that makes sense, doesn’t it? You knew about the prophecy ahead of time, you knew that we’d have to fight those Titan fuckers, so you learned something that would be an effective weapon against them. That’s the kind of prediction anyone can do, because it’s just describing what any smart person would do in your shoes.”

He pushes open the door, as blue flames ignite in sconces to illuminate a circular study in the back of the castle. The few books on his research into magic and the prophecy were stored on a bloodshelf off to the side, near a writing desk, but there were more training dummies and plenty of space to practice his magic. Of course, he realizes now that no amount of practice can surpass experience - and at the pace his adventures are going, he will afford himself whatever rest he can eke out in between servicing his lightner friends and helping the new darkners acclimate to their new environment.

“I suppose, but… I’m sorry.” He steps forward, heading towards the archways in the back of the room. The pure fountain’s glow stains the ground. “I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. So many details of our journey have been described down to the very words that we say, and the very actions we take. The prophecy is not merely predictive, but prescriptive - whatever it demands will happen, in some shape or form. I know this. I had just… I had thought that I was the one to decide to learn that magic. That… I was the one making a choice.”

He doesn’t want to make her worry, but the familiar weight of his existence as a darkner draws heavy on him. He knows that he isn’t real in the way she is - that he doesn’t get choices, the way she does. And yet, in all of his selfishness, he attempts to make them anyway.

It’s what Susie would do, though. It’s what Kris deserves to do.

Perhaps that is a lesson the prophecy was intended to instill - to teach that choices themselves are worth something, even if said choice never matters at all.

No. The weight of fate is a familiar burden, but with Susie by his side, he can kindle the flames of his hope. He has to believe that this means something. That everything he’s done has meant something.

He means something to her. He’s Susie’s friend. That was something he chose to become, and that choice had meaning. As the two of them step through the archway and onto the bridge heading to the center of this world, he watches as her face erupts into wonder.

The Pure Fountain awaits. It is somehow every single color simultaneously, transcendent and alive. He feels alive, just standing next to font of all dreams within this world.

The stone bridge remains firm under his paws as he steps forward. “I had planned to keep the power of flame, this time. I would never use it on a normal Darkner… but this conspiracy was accelerating us all towards the world’s end at a terrifying pace. We might need it, if we face another Titan. Plus… I can use it to generate smoke. Enough smoke that we can potentially flee a battle, if need be.”

Susie crosses her arms, “That’s not exactly what I’d use sickass fire magic for, but that sounds up your alley. And… yeah, that’s fair, I imagine it’d make it hard to recruit people if we set them on fire.”

Ralsei nods. “If I can help it, I don’t want to hurt people at all. I don’t like that I… I have so many tools to do so.” He looks up, towards the fountain. “We both saw the final prophecy, Susie. I believe we can change it, but… you know that I’ve lived with that this entire time.” 

The fountain’s colors superimpose themselves. The two of them should be safe from this distance, but he readies a hand to stop Susie if she tries to step closer. “As a darkner, I’m not really supposed to have convictions. My existence is itself just… a trick of the dark and your imagination, by the rules of the light world. What part of a dream believes something? What kind of shadow doesn’t follow what gives it light?”

Susie goes to speak up, to refute what he’s saying, but he raises a paw to stop her. “I… I’m trying not to believe that anymore. It’s hard, but I’m trying. I just… I just need you to know how much I believe in this. How much I hope our fates can be rewritten. I’ve known since the day I first woke up that I would die once I stopped being useful to you and Kris, and I kept this from you anyway. I did this because I believed so, so desperately in the power of kindness. I still believe, Susie, in part because of you.” He smiles at her, and the smile reaches his eyes.

Susie’s eyes are watering, but she huffs before a tear can fall. She starts to speak for a few moments, stopping herself as she finds her words. “Fuck, man.” She looks down, before looking back at the fountain. “Life hasn’t been kind to any of us, has it?”

Ralsei follows her gaze, staring into the iridescent pillar of un-light with her. “It hasn’t. But… even if nothing else in the world is kind, we can be kind.” He reaches out with his right hand, two claws left within two of his four fingers.

She turns to face him, as she grips his hand in hers. “That’s the kind of shit you see on the cover of a sappy book at the grocery mart.” She snorts. “But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t true.” Her smile fades. “You taught me what kindness looks like, man. I just want you to start being kind to yourself, okay? You deserve it.” Something must have crawled across his expression, because she squeezes his hand to re-emphasize her point. “You do, Ralsei.”

He has a hard time believing the words… but he can believe in her. “I hope, one day, I can believe that too.”

Ralsei steps forward, before facing her. “Susie… you should stay here. The bridge goes right up to the fountain, for me. It can be dangerous for anyone else to get that close.”

She nods. “Is that like, a Darkner thing?”

He shakes his head. “No, no. I just… it’s complicated, but I was made from the fountain. Kind of.”

Susie’s eyes widen. Did he ever explain what he was to her? Seemingly not. “Woah. Are you like, a nice version of a titan or something? A living fountain?”

He blinks. “What? No? I mean,” he waves a hand, “I was given life by the fountain, the same as any other darkner. It was just a bit more literal for me?” He wrings his hands together. “Susie, you know how some darkners are based on ideas, not just literal objects?”

She nods. “Yeah. Actually, I was wondering how Elnina and Lanino were still here even though we found Tenna a new home-”

Ralsei waves a hand. “Don’t think about it too hard. But, um, I’m like that. I’m a type of darkner known as a shadow. I can explain a bit more while I, um, draw from the fountain.”

She nods, and he turns back towards the pulsating pillar of life. The light gets brighter and brighter as he draws closer, as the simultaneous expressions of un-light coalesce into a curling whiteness in the center as he approaches the edge of the fountain. It’s close enough that he could touch it.

He knows that he can safely touch it. He doesn’t think anyone else could.

He allows the darkness within him to overtake his true shape, as he becomes a black silhouette. Blazing on his face is a silver star, in the same pattern as the titan he helped banish mere hours earlier.

Susie has had a night, hasn’t she? He feels bad for putting even more on her - he can tell from her expression that she’s feeling even more overwhelmed than normal. She speaks up, “Look, it’s fine if you’re like, a baby titan or whatever! I can see the same face star thing on you.”

“Susie!” He knows that she probably can’t see any of his expression at this point, but he resists the urge to roll his eyes. That would be mean. “The star is a mark from fate. I was, um, I think I was directly made from this fountain. I had a vision, um, nightmare thing last night. I think I saw the moment I was created, when someone stuck their hand into the fountain.”

Susie snickers. “Someone stuck their hand into one of those things? I mean, not like I haven’t been tempted, but… wait.” She squints her eyes, trying to make out more details on him. “Does that mean you’re literally someone’s shadow that just walked off after being brought to life and shit?”

Ralsei prepares to refute her once again, but… well, that wasn’t totally wrong. Still, it seems that being habitually obtuse has conditioned her to guess. He appreciates how much thought she’s putting into this, but he doesn’t want to leave any misconceptions in the air. “Susie… it’s a bit less literal than that. A shadow is… well, I guess I should start at the beginning, actually.” 

He breathes in, then out. “Most people have an idea of who they want to be. Their ‘ideal self,’ so to speak. These ideal selves grow as people do, changing as people learn more about who they are. A person’s ideal self doesn’t always match who they are, though. An ideal self is shaped by a person’s ability to define themselves versus being defined by others, by the social pressures put upon them, by the people they know and love.” He feels the fountain pouring into him as he speaks, as his hands sharpen. “And, sometimes, an ideal self is discarded. Maybe someone realizes that they’re actually a different gender than what they were told they had to be. Maybe something horrible happens to them or someone they love. Maybe they just realize that they can’t be the person they want to be.”

He runs his paws together, as he feels claws regrowing from his fingertips. “And, sometimes, it’s all of that and more. Still… those ideal selves live on for a time. They remain as a memory for a time. They live in how people imagine their friends in their head. They live in the absences created by changing habits and behaviors.”

He feels as his statistics return to normal. He suppresses the mental notifications informing him of his changing state - he has more important things to focus on right now. 

“Those discarded ideal selves can become darkners themselves, Susie.” He stands, holding out his hands as long claws extend from his otherwise soft paws. His outfit is slightly different - the spade on his green dress has been replaced with a black, four-pointed star. “Someone wanted to be me, a long time ago.”

He pauses to gather his thoughts, and he watches as Susie paces. His sight is returning, as the dark returns to him, and he can see clear through the dark as she racks her brain. She connects the dots: “You’re Kris’ shadow, aren’t you? You’re a lot of things Kris isn’t, but that makes some kind of sense if you’re uh, someone Kris wanted to be a long time ago.”

Ralsei pauses - it’s not his place to share these things, not without Kris’ permission - but he won’t lie to her. “I… I am. It doesn’t have to mean anything, though - Kris wanted to be like me when they were very young, and both Kris and I have grown up a lot. We’ve been changed by our experiences, good and, um. Bad.” He stands, and feels as his form flickers with rainbow static for a moment. Ah. He should stop soon.

Ralsei has gotten lost in meditation by the fountain before. He has no idea how much of his life has been spent in meditation here, but the pure fountain’s aura allows him to dream with incredible vibrancy. In those dreams, he didn’t feel alone.

He lets out a silent prayer, thanking the fountain for helping him, as he stands. Susie says, “Oh yeah, you and Kris are completely different in a lot of ways. I can see how little kid Kris might want to be like you, though.” She chuckles. “I’m glad you are you though, Ralsei, and I’m glad Kris is Kris.”

A tear leaks from Ralsei’s eye, as the silver star above his face fades away. “Tha-thank you, Susie. I’m glad you’re taking this well. I want to talk more about this, but…”

“You should clear it with Kris.” She nods. “Don’t worry, I get it.”

Ralsei steps forward with a smile, away from the glow of the fountain. As he does so, he makes sure the armors given to him remain in place. He checks, and the pink and white ribbons of the twin ribbon have been tied into little bows at the base of his horns. The blue ribbon, conversely, is wrapped around his neck as a choker. He pops the lenses out of his glasses, highlighting the glistening pinks of his eyes. He does not need them anymore, filled as he is with the un-light of the living dark.

His pink claws have returned. Some part of him feels whole, yet a larger part feels hollow. A reminder that, no matter how much he wants to be a person like his friends… he will only be himself.

Some part of him hoped that he would no longer be the lonely prince once he met his friends. That he was empty, and by their presence he would be made full. Like a flame driving out the cold.

He made another mistake there. Loneliness was not a cavity to be filled, but rather a hungry piece of the living dark. It was filled with craving and eyes, devouring his thoughts and seeking to consume his friends. Whenever they are gone, he feels as though he is starving. Perhaps he is starving for something - seven years without being able to talk to anyone else will change anyone. Perhaps he is starving for them, and only after he had taken his first bite did he realize how hungry he was.

Perhaps it is okay to take from the hand that feeds him. To drink of the love his friends give freely.

Ralsei steps back towards Susie. She listened to his words, and has not stepped an inch closer to the fountain - but the moment he steps back to her, she takes his hand in her own, feeling the fingerpads and soft squishy paws between his wool. “You look good as new. Did it hurt?”

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry, Susie. I don’t feel normal, because… well, this isn’t normal for me. But I don’t feel bad.”

She nods, before scratching her head. “I only started being the person I want to be a few days ago. It didn’t feel normal at first either. You know what, though? I didn’t think about that shit at all when I was hanging out with my friends.” She gently punches him in the shoulder. “We’ve both come a long way in just a few days, haven’t we Rals?”

He blushes as he smiles. He likes his name, but the nickname is so Susie. “We have, haven’t we?” He laughs a little bit to himself.

He’s happy. That realization washes over him in waves, but as he tastes the feeling he can’t dispute it. One of the locked doors within his heart has been opened, and a burden has been lifted. He is allowing the garden of himself to grow free, and he feels the warmth of acceptance as he allows different parts of himself to grow.

As the two of them walk back, preparing to return to bed, he leans into her side. She is warm and earthy in a way that is just so utterly and completely real, and yet, he manages to appreciate her without his mind returning to his own failings.

He is still a darkner, never to be with his friends in their own world. He is still bound by prophecy to serve as its sacrificial lamb. He is still the lonely prince.

With his friends, all of those truths seem so far away. Perhaps, one day, they will not be true in any way that matters.