Chapter Text
The usual person does not often find themselves in such predicaments. They would not concern themselves with the trouble and effort of traveling through an entire new world, one of which they had assumed was merely a video game. Jerma985 is not usual, nor is he a person. He is an experience. And as a result, he would end up being the first living creature ever to officially say they were apart of a polyamorous relationship between himself, Spamton G. Spamton, and Mr. (Ant) Tenna.
"Jerma could you pass me the spat'?"
"Yeahyeuh, uh, here you go, here-"
Yes, it was quite strange, indeed. What are the odds, truly? The retired streamer had been planning on revisiting Deltarune in his own time, and he was actually quite excited to see what was new. He should have known better than to carry sharp objects in the night, though, since he had the misfortune of tripping and stabbing his carpet with a fork, ultimately creating a Dark Fountain. From there it was all a mere fever dream. Jerma985 fought vigorously in his journey, not killing but not exactly sparing either- more like unleashing the horrors.
"DON'T EVER CALL IT THE [White spats and lots of dollars] EVER AGAIN. IT'S A [Spatulas on SALE!]"
"Have a bit o' show-time whimsy, Spam, it'd do ya some good."
Now Jerma985 was sat in the middle of madness, unknowing of when he will go home- or if for that matter. To be more literal, he was actually sat at the table watching Tenna cook dinner, who was fitted up in a pink apron for...some reason. Spamton had situated himself on the counter, much to the cook's annoyance, and fiddled around with several supplies. There was absolutely no intent on helping, he just wanted to be there. Jerma985 wasn't too sure on how he had gotten into this mess, but he wasn't about to fool around with two bosses.
Instead, he'd taken on the somewhat confusing and slightly homoerotic role as a "standby-husband", in which he literally just stood by and commentated when prompted. It's almost as if the devil couldn't reach him, so instead of sparing the agony, he sent two topsy-turvy fuckwits to be intrigued by his charm. But intrigued would be an understatement- the TV was enamoured and the puppet was defensively obsessed.
You see, Jerma985 happens to be quite the entertainer online, something both of the Darkeners could appreciate. While Tenna loved the showman demeanor and energetic fashion of him, Spamton could relate to the mere surrealness of his existing form, thus creating this peculiar and fucked up love triangle. Jerma985 was not too sure what he felt- it was weird talking to the small and deranged man he had once voiced so expertly. It was equally confusing seeing him with such a star-like husband, but love knows no bounds he supposed.
"Well anyway, here's my most famous Dinner Special- you know, this was actually a hit on my cooking show back when-"
"HAND ME MY [Food and Drink] AND QUIT YAMMERING, WE HAVE [Big Deals!]- BIG NEWS TO SHARE!" Spamton greedily took his plate from Tenna's mitted hands, hopping off the counter to sit directly across from Jerma985, who was patiently awaiting their meal. Tenna shook his head and tutted, gently placing the rest of their plates and sitting next to the puppet.
"Yes, indeedy, we do! MIKE, drumroll please?"
Tenna clapped twice, and somehow a perfectly placed spotlight showered upon the two Darkeners, one of which face palmed. Then a boom of drums erupted, startling Jerma985, effectively making him cover his head.
"We're having a FETUS!!!" The cathode giggled and cheered, hands in the air like he just did not care. As one does.
"WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE, WHY DO YOU [High quality speakers] ABOUT EVERYTHING LIKE THIS??? IT'S A %@#^ING [Pipis] NOT A GAMESHOW INSTALLATION."
"This is a HUGE step for us! It's only fair and square I treat it with such pizzaz!" Tenna frowned, now gripping his comically small fork. Spamton flung a singular pea directly at him, impaling itself through his nose.
"IS EVERYTHING A [Games and More] TO YOU??? [You're disgusting!]"
The two went on a nothing-burger argument, entirely forgetting the very confused man across from them, who was simply eating his dinner very slowly. It felt like at any given moment that he'd have a heart attack and die, face falling directly into the mashed potatoes- or whatever the Dark World equivalent was. At this point, maybe that'd be the better option. Still, Jerma985 had no idea why this involved him if he was soon going to look for a way back home, so he merely sat back and watched food fly. Spamton had somehow managed to scale Tenna, who was swatting at him like a pesky bug, and slapped the sides of his head repeatedly.
Jerma985 took the final bite of his dinner, which he would admit was rather good, and coughed dryly. The others stopped and stared, a little embarrassed if anything. They usually fought like a couple of cartoon characters, no harm done, but it was always awkward when others had to bear witness.
"Okay well uh, I don't really get how...how this involves me? I mean, look, I gotta get outta here-" Jerma985 explained awkwardly as he always does with that Boston accent of his, looking around as if his chat was still there with him. A constant reminder.
"WHAT!? You're leaving already!? You have everything you need here, don'tcha!?" Tenna wildly leaned over, both hands planted on the table as Spamton fell off his face, reliving years of unresolved trauma.
"YOU CANT JUST DITCH A [Single hot moms in your area] IN TIMES OF NEED!!!! I NEED YOUR [Help! Help!]" Spamton half-pleaded, sitting up and brushing food off his blazer.
The poor streamer was at quite the loss, and he knew better than to pull the wrong card here. He was face to face with incredibly strong beings, stronger than himself potentially, and goodness knows the fight between these two in person would end terribly. But at the same time, he didn't picture himself fathering a small, round, blue egg from literal ass just yet.
"Howzabout a compromise? You stay just a little while longer to help us get situated, and then you can leave- sound good? Great, haha!" Tenna grabbed Jerma985's hand again and shook it with vigor, collecting everyone's plates and bounding away before he could reply. The Bostonian remained confused and borderline horrified, but if that puppet's harsh gaze meant anything, he knew it was best to comply.
It was silent as Tenna cleaned the rest of the dishes. No one spoke a word, except for when the TV would occasionally mumble the words to his intro song. Spamton seemed to enjoy it. That was good- keep them all happy.
Soon after it was time for bed, and everyone was exceptionally tired. Tenna had been overworking himself with both parent planning and his shows, Spamton was just annoyed and moody in general, and Jerma985 was terrified for the next eternity of hell. He lay there sandwiched between two other men, hands fiddling over his chest cartoonishly. Literally the worst things happened to this guy, nothing was ever normal in his life- and perhaps it'd all be easier if he accepted it faster. But how could he accept the fact that he was about to be an involuntary father? To some creature? He felt so alone despite the craze that was his entire being, despite all the personalities he had played over the years- it was truly maddening.
And it was times like this that he truly did miss his chat's input.