Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Twas the night before Melissa’s birthday, and the whole gang was…

Doom-scrolling in Aarmau’s house?

Well, most of them. Garroth and Aphmau were busy setting up the DnD game for that night.

Garroth giggled his little giggle. “Aphmau, you little potato, this is such a devious idea!” They were in the kitchen, preparing snacks for the gang, careful to include everyone's wide variety of strange preferences (Lucinda had been on a kick with spider eyes recently. Speaking of which, they hadn’t seen Uwu in a while…).

Aphmau smirked. “Yes, GarGar, we’ll get your baby brother to take Kawaii~Chan on a date.”

Garroth huehued happily, then went back to prepping the special tray of eclairs he had insisted he make for Laurance to celebrate their “15 year friend-aversary”.

Well. Aphmau was determined to make today their “1st year boy-friend-aversary”.

While Garroth was wholly convinced that Aphmau was in on his plan to get Zane to tend to his girlfriend, she had been up all last night plotting on how to get Operation: Garrance in motion, and she had altered Garroth’s game setup to make it just a tad bit more romantic, if only for him. After all, the relationship between Garrance was just like that of an eclair: sweet, soft, and had taken much too long to prepare.

Now, wouldn’t it be a shame if someone had other plans?

Chapter Text

“Travis, may I ask, for the 40th time, why we’re here?” Kim looked around, taking in the hell-spawn of a store that was Hot Topic. 

“By the heavens, what sorcery does this establishment partake in?” Ghost scorned, a disgusted expression clouding Kim’s face as she gagged at clothes so very improper for a lady such as herself. “Travis, is this where your father learned to be such a dimwit of a demon?” 

“For the last time, Ghost, my father wasn’t a demon,” Travis groaned, burying his head in his hands. 

Ghost hmphed. “As a once renowned scholar of Irene, I can confidently say anyone in possession of a head as dense as that of yours may fall under that category, Travis.”

“Yeah, well, I bet in your past life you were some nerd that got mad at people for burning her books, Emmy.” Travis cleared his throat. “Anyway, I was thinking-”

“Travis, remind me again why I had to come along on this little escapade of yours?” Melissa asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “And why I’m paying.”

Travis grinned. “O-ho-ho, Melissa, let me just say, you are looking m-”

“Travis.” Melissa scolded. “Now, since when was Dante interested in emo girls?”

“Since a hottie named Sasha caught my eye!” Dante flexed in front of the huge floor length mirror, decked out in black head-to-toe with chains and spikes all over him.

“Dante, gross!” Kim gagged as he kissed his abs.

“Baby, this is the exclusive gunshow, be glad you got tickets. I’m always sold out!”

Melissa rolled her eyes. “Also, Dante, I’m pretty sure Sasha is just Kawaii~Chan in disguise. And I’m also pretty sure you’re just Zane in a wig.”

Dante turned to look at Melissa, rolling his eyes, before he looked up and into the heavens, all the way to the little patch in the corner of the world where a Mrs. Jessica and a Mr. Jason wrote the plot of the sixth episode of mermaid tales after that absolutely freaking terribly not good cliffhanger episode five was left on.

“Y’know, I’m also a crab.” Dante said in a voice that very much resembled Zanes. Then he shook his head and cleared his throat before putting on the Dante persona once again. “ANYWAY, that’s enough breaking the fourth wall for today. Alina, is Uncle Dante hot?” He turned back and flexed in front of baby Alina, who was sitting in the cart and giggled happily when Dante gave her one of the chains on his jacket to play with.

“Dante, do NOT influence Alina with all this devil worship!” Ghost scorned. “It’s a bad example, and frankly, all of this for a girl is ridicu-”

“Emmy, please, why are we here again?” A whiny voice echoed from a few rows down.

“Because, honey bear,” another voice said, rounding the corner between the aisles to reveal a very familiar blonde woman dragging a very familiar brunette man behind her, “this is HISTORY! What if we’re the first scholars to ever document the culture of devil worshippers in the 21st Century!?”

Dante groaned. “For the last time, this isn’t a shop for devil worshippers!”

“Huh?” The blonde lady scrunched up her nose, and whipped around, searching the store before her eyes landed on Dante, decked out in black, Travis, picking out more clothes, and Kim, whose face darkened and eyes started twitching as she looked at the man behind her.

“OH. MY. IRENE! Travis! Dante! Whoever you two are!” Emmalyn squealed, dragging a poor Kenmur behind her and squeezing the air out of the group in a hug.

“Ouch,” Dante croaked. “Emmalyn, you’re kind of killing us here.”

“Oh, yes, sorry, sorry,” She chuckled nervously, releasing everyone and patting herself down, before clearing her throat and squinting at Dante. “Dante, since when were you a d-”

Dante sobbed and banged his head against the mirror, and Travis came up and patted him on the back. “Don’t worry, buddy,” Travis said, enveloping him in a bro hug. “They just don’t understand us.”

Well, Danvis, maybe you’re the one not understanding, seeing as you still haven’t noticed that a certain ghost girl has started plotting her human counterpart's demise.</p>