Chapter Text
That One’s Just A Weed
-One. Year.
-Every day exactly like the last one.
-It was honestly inexplicable how Jax hadn’t abstracted yet. With him spending every day just sitting in his room, left with his thoughts, Jax himself wasn’t sure how he was still here. This was the first time he’d stepped outside his room in weeks. Oh sure, his mind played tricks on him, making him think his hand or ear was glitching, or that the yellow in his eyes had multi-colored-rings around it and his never-ending nightmare was finally over.
-But it wasn’t so.
-Never was.
“JAX!!!!! I HAVE A NEW ADVENT-”
“No.”
-Jax didn’t even look up from the ground. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d talked to anyone, the last time he’d cracked a smile.
-Chances were a year ago.
“But JAX! I planned this adventure JUST FOR YOU!!!”
-Caine sounded indignant. Lucky him.
-He had someone to be upset at.
-Jax had lost that privilege a year ago.
“Yea, well I don’t care.”
-And he didn’t. He couldn’t. He didn’t care about the new adventure, or the ‘fantastical’ AI, or holding a funeral for those he’d cared for.
-It was just too painful.
-Caine suddenly floated right in-front of Jax, hovering upside down. Jax couldn’t remember the last time anyone had looked him in the eye since he’d ruined everythi—
“You can’t spend all your time doing nothing! Where’s the story? The energy?”
-Bubble’s head floated beside Caine’s.
“NOT TO MENTION THE SE-”
“I don’t care.”
-Jax got to his feet, trying to ignore how distant he felt from his actions. Sidestepping Caine and Bubble, Jax made his way down to the hall. Anything was better than this. His footsteps rang in his ears, reminding him of how hollow they sounded. He knew why.
-There had always been someone else walking around as well. Caine didn’t walk; he just floated in mid-air, as did Bubble. Jax was alone.
-Really alone.
-Jax could feel his digital hands start to shake, causing him to shove them into his overall pockets. One whole year alone, but he still hadn’t broken his habit of being a little {%#*$!} and not showing vulnerability. Old habits die hard, especially in this {@!#*}hole.
Thump.
-Jax’s head flew up at the noise, only to realize it was his foot bonking against Pomni’s door. Wait; Pomni’s?
-Jax lifted his gaze to the icon on the door, feeling his heart clench when he saw Pomni’s face with her big eyes, a final ‘X’ crossing her out.
-Jax still remembered what her icon looked like without it. Still remembered her. Barely. The first month had involved him frequently stopping by her door, committing to memory every detail and then filling in the spots the ‘X’ had crossed out and the pieces her door’s icon didn’t include. After six months, he’d taken his key to Gangle’s room and stolen her sketchpad, determined to prove to himself he remembered the missing details. As it was, art wasn’t his thing. The drawing had been off-proportion, her hands too small and her legs were different sizes. But the worst was her eyes.
-Her eyes had gotten smudged, ink smearing the pinwheels she’d had for eyes. The smudges caused him to only see what her eyes had looked like when she’d abstracted, the multiple colors filling and swallowing her blue-and-red eyes. He’d torn the sketch out, crumpling it and tossing the book back into Gangle’s room, breaking into deranged laughter at how far he’d sunken in his solitude.
-He could still hear himself sobbing, choking it back to turn into a laugh.
-As if faking it would bring her back.
-Bring them all back.
-It didn’t.
-Jax turned away from Pomni’s door, walking back to his own. The icon his door had, the icon of him giving his {@!#*}-eating grin, it just made him want to hit something. Instead, he turned to the knob and entered his room, barely shutting the door before his legs buckled. He surveyed the mess his room was, the mess he hadn’t bothered to organize. The keys stayed hung up on the wall; he had no need for them anymore. Two framed pictures sat on a small table, but only one stood tall; the other had been turned down, the photo hidden. The first was the photo of him with Pomni he’d originally thrown away in the trash; after Pomni’s abstraction, he’d managed to recover it, framing it to help him remember.
-But it had become too painful to remember, causing him to turn the frame down.
-The second one, the upright one, was a simple picture of him.
-With Ribbit.
“Hey, Hoppy! Get on in here!”
“Only if you stop calling me that!”
“Hmmmm, gee, let me think on that one; NOPE!”
-Jax still remembered their laugh, the way their eyes had lighted up at the way he’d so casually swung his arm around them to get them in the picture. Ribbit had seemed so happy in that moment, so carefree.
-What. A {&^$?}ing. JOKE.
-All of it.
-It had only been six days before Jax had gone to check up on Ribbit, opening their door to find his friend had abstracted, all their multicolored eyes swiveling to face him.
-He’d lost track of how long ago that was.
-The others, however; the others, he remembered.
-Ragatha, surprisingly, had been first. Jax shouldn’t have been surprised; he should’ve said something about how her positive attitude led her to the cellar. But he hadn’t. Couldn’t. The words had been locked in his throat when he remembered Ragatha asking Pomni the question that caused it, a question he’d overheard her ask not too long after the ‘Lightning Round’ adventures.
“Hey, Pomni, just out of curiosity, which person is it that you’re closest to? I want to make sure you’re adjusting okay.”
“I don’t know, you’re all my friends, but if I had to say one…I’d maybe say Jax; he makes me laugh.”
-Jax had peeked from behind the play-block to see Ragatha placing her hand on Pomni’s shoulder.
“Well, this is awkward to break to you, but, you see, Pomni…Jax doesn’t really count.”
“W-what? Why?”
“Well, look at all that he does! Gangle is in constant agony because of him, he consistently causes Kinger, Zooble, and I numerous issues and annoyances, all in the name of ‘ it’s funny’, and I’m worried about what he’ll do next. He denies he feels anything but joy at causing pain and chaos! Are you really sure about him? I mean, he doesn’t act like a person anymore; just a toy.”
-Jax felt his fists clench, and before he knew it, he was marching his way over, smile already in place.
“Heyyy Raggy!” Jax briefly placed a hand on Pomni’s head, only to lift it when he saw her flinch. He opted to limply flip one of the bells on the ends of her hat.
“Glad to see you found ol’ Pomni here; I was looking for her.”
-Ragatha narrowed her eyes.
“Really.”
“Yea. Now, if you don’t mind-or do, I don’t care-, I have business to take care of. C’mon Pomni.” Jax turned on his heel, walking away with confidence in his stride. Pomni’s footsteps told him she was following him. Good.
-There was no need for Ragatha’s nonsense anyway.
(But what if she’s right?)
-Jax felt a broken smile flit across his face at the memory, a time where smiles had come for a reason other than breaking into laughter to chase the tears and screams away. A time where he could’ve wondered anywhere in the circus and heard someone other than a digital denture in a suit. It had been so, so easy to simply ignore and deny any semblance of humanity when there was someone to whom he could deny it.
-But here, alone, Jax had no choice but to confront it; and he’d had plenty of time to do so.
-What he wouldn’t give to see one of them, any of them, to tell them he was sorry.
-But he couldn’t. And there was a good chance that if any of them returned, he would act like normal.
-And it was so frustrating.
Thump thump thump
-Jax could feel the vibrations of the knocking on his door, but, given he already knew who it was, he remained silent. Caine would speak up anyways; telling him off or making some joke didn’t work anymore; he didn’t have the heart to.
“Heyyy, Jax; You’ve seemed awfully quiet and..well, distant as of late.”
-Jax gave a small huff.
“Coulda fooled me.”
-A small rustling noise sounded from the other side of the door, though Jax couldn’t have been bothered to figure it out; chances were Caine was trying to find something to pull out of his suit and entice Jax to participate in his ‘New personalized adventure’ or something.
-Hadn’t worked for the past year; what made Caine think it would work this time was beyond him.
“Now Jax, I really do think the adventure could help you take your mind off things; might help you cheer up.”
-Jax felt his digital blood freeze. Was this walking orthodontist model serious? Before Jax could react, he was suddenly on his feet and opening his door.
“Do I look like I’m in the mood to be cheered up?” The venom in his voice was harsher than Jax ever remembered, but it worked to the point that Caine seemed embarrassed. Good. He wanted Caine to be embarrassed so he’d leave him alone. The last thing Jax wanted was to deal with this. Caine glanced to the side for a moment before back to Jax.
“Welll, when you put it like that, it sounds like the answer is no. BUT-”
“Caine stop, okay? Just. stop.” The venom resurfaced in Jax’s tone, but the next words he spoke lacked it completely, lacked anything but longing.
“It’s been a whole year; your adventures didn’t appeal after everyone abstracted and they definitely won’t now. They won’t help, okay?”
-Caine’s body seemed to limply float in the air as Jax spoke.
“You really want to help?”
-Caine seemed to perk up, nodding.
“Then leave. Me. Alone.”
-Jax watched as the energy in Caine’s body died, leaving the oh-so-exuberant ringleader looking hopeless.
“Everyone is gone. There’s nothing new to do, nothing to actually do. I wouldn’t wish this fate upon anyone, so that just leaves me here, alone. So let me be.”
-With that, Jax slammed his door shut, not bothering to watch Caine react to this. After a moment, he heard Caine hover off, the sound all that filled Jax’s stupid {&^$?}ing rabbit ears as his legs gave out, sending him sliding down to the floor, his back against the door. He shut his eyes, determined not to cry as his reality-check to Caine mostly hurt him, and he was resolute in not crying like an emotional {%#*$!}.
-He failed.
-Miserably.