Work Text:
His fingers traced the path of the EKG lines on the inner side of his left wrist and yet again he couldn’t feel anything but the subtle tickling feeling his fingertips left behind.
Soulmates were always so romanticized in all those stories that surrounded them all their lives.
You were supposed to be excited about the concept of a person that was just born for you, how your souls were literally connected on a different level.
Hoseok hardly saw any of that.
His parents had been soulmates and yet he grew up with them fighting and separating, while continuing to fight over him. He saw what it did to both of them. And he was supposed to believe that the two of them were destined to be together?
The stories never talked about the tragedies. The soulmates that never met, that met and still couldn’t be together, or got together and ended catastrophically.
Hoseok was twelve when his parents got their divorce. He was fourteen when he knew he never ever wanted to be with his own soulmate. And he was sixteen when he found out you could break off your bond. A painful and expensive procedure. So he had started saving.
When he was twenty-three he finally made the appointment at the tattoo studio to remove his soulmate tattoo. To turn the alive heartbeat line into a never moving flat line.
His research provided him with everything he needed to know and the tattoo artists would very likely talk to him, too.
Hoseok knew it was going to hurt. It would take several sessions since it’s a delicate procedure and it was irreversible. Also really expensive. But Hoseok had been waiting for this for almost ten years, so he was ready.
There was a certain atmosphere in a tattoo studio. The smell of antiseptic, the buzzing sound from the back of the shop, hidden by thin walls – it was actually a lot like the dentist.
Hoseok wasn’t the biggest fan of needles, so he was nervous. He was also alone because he hadn’t told anyone about what he was going to do. Doing this wasn’t exactly a popular choice, it was rather frowned upon. But not illegal and also not hard to get since every tattoo artist learned how to do it.
His roommate Jimin would have gone with him, but also would have tried to talk him out of it, seeing that Jimin strongly believed in the soulmate bond (having found his own soulmate years ago, too) and Hoseok didn’t need anyone to judge him for what he was going to do.
“Jung Hoseok?” A deep voice called out his name and Hoseok jumped from the little leather couch he had been waiting on. At the counter was a young man around his age with golden blonde hair and an assortment of tattoos. His skin had a rich tan and his features were quite beautiful, like straight out of a magazine.
“So, Hoseok, you’re here for soulmate bond removal, correct?” The tattooist got straight to the point, not even looking up to him, but instead checking a chart in his hand (which was very likely the sheet Hoseok had filled out before) and Hoseok nodded weakly, before confirming it with a quiet “Yeah…”
The tattoo artist glanced up to him for a moment, before turning around and signing for Hoseok to follow him.
They went into a room in the back and Hoseok sat down while the other man pulled up a chair to Hoseok.
“Okay, I didn’t even introduce myself yet. I’m Taehyung and I will have another talk about this with you before we start, alright?”
Hoseok nodded again and Taehyung smiled at him and it relaxed Hoseok instantly. Taehyung had a really calming effect on him. His voice was pleasant, he was attractive and also quite nice and unlike your stereotypical tattoo artist which were always portrayed as rough and somewhat scary.
Don’t crush on your tattoo artist, Hoseok.
“Okay, so you probably already read a lot about this, but I will just repeat it again. Removing the soulmate tattoo and thus breaking the bond with your mate will be really painful. Removing a regular tattoo is already a big deal, but we won’t just burn away some ink that’s stashed under some skin layers, we will rip something off of you and your mate, too.”
Hoseok frowned at the last part.
“My soulmate will feel this?”
“Oh yes, they will be in pain. Maybe even more pain that you. May it be physical or emotional. I like to stress this part because you do have to know that. They usually don’t cover this part on the internet. But it hurts less or more, depending on the person. Some people only feel a scratch, others are more emotionally affected.” Hoseok processed this new piece of information because none of the websites had covered this. It didn’t change his mind, but it made things even harder. He didn’t want to meet his soulmate, but he also didn’t want them in any pain, either. He just hoped that they were one of those that could hardly feel it.
“Okay, I understand.” Taehyung eyed him for a moment before nodding and continuing with his prep-talk.
“This will take several sessions. Depending on where your soulbond is. And finally, the most important part: The removal is irreversible. Once it’s gone, it’s gone and you have to live with this decision.”
That he knew. For that Hoseok was prepared, hell, he even wished for it.
“Let’s start then.”
Taehyung stood up to get everything ready to start their first session. He told Hoseok to get comfortable and already free the body part where the tattoo was for the procedure.
He decided to lie on his back and just hope it would stay comfortable enough. He would very likely be allowed to move if he asked Taehyung.
The other returned with several utensils and he rolled over with his chair towards Hoseok with antiseptic tissues, his hands already covered in gloves.
“Okay, lemme see it then,” he said, read to start working and Hoseok turned his left arm so the tattoo was facing Taehyung now. The tattooist first leaned down ready to work, when he suddenly froze, face hovering over Hoseok’s wrist. The antiseptic fell out of his hand and he instead reached out to trace the soulbond tattoo. The moment Taehyung’s fingers touched it, a chill ran down Hoseok’s spine and he looked up into Taehyung’s face who was still staring in shock.
“Is everything o-“
“It’s me… I’m your soulmate.”
Hoseok stared up at Taehyung because what the fuck?
The other suddenly turned his own left arm and just at the same spot there was a heartbeat line in a vivid red. Hoseok looked down to his own again, and the tattoo that had been gray just seconds ago, was now bright red, too.
When you meet your soulmate, when you touch for the first time, the soulbond will turn bright red.
Taehyung was his soulmate.
The person he had paid to break off the soulbond was his very own soulmate. The one and only. Hoseok almost started laughing.
It’s not like it changed anything.
“I… wow, what are the chances? Maybe you want to take your time with this and maybe we-“
“No, I still don’t want it… I’m sorry, it’s nothing personal. I just don’t believe in this and I’m not really interested in soulmates.”
Taehyung stared at him with wide eyes, Hoseok’s words apparently not what he had expected (or maybe hoped for) and he looked down to his own arm where Hoseok’s EKG line was printed.
“You… don’t even want to try?”
“No… I’m sorry,” Hoseok found it hard to look at Taehyung and instead focused on the pale linoleum floor of the room. “I mean, you don’t have to do it, I can maybe arrange to go somewhere else and-“
“No… I mean… who else then me, right? It’s almost mutual then.” Taehyung let out a husky laugh and there was a smile on his face, but Hoseok wondered if it really was as genuine as before.
“Are you sure? You said this would put you in pain and-“
“It’s okay, I can take it.” Taehyung turned around to get new antiseptic tissues (the ones from before now useless that it touched the ground) and immediately sat down and started cleaning Hoseok’s wrist.
“Let’s do it, okay, let’s go,” he mumbled and after he deemed the spot to be disinfected enough he got something that looked like a regular ink machine.
“Put your arm on the armrest here and try not to move. The first touch will hurt the most, you will get a bit number then.” Taehyung wasn’t looking at him, but still waited for Hoseok to collect himself and only after he said that he was ready did Taehyung start.
The first contact really was painful. Hoseok swallowed down a shout and tried not to squirm or pull his arm away when the machine started to work on his skin. But already after a few seconds Taehyung stopped, one hand covering his own face and he took a few deep breaths.
“Are you oka-“
“I’m fine, it’s okay. Just didn’t know what to expect. I can deal with it.”
And with that Taehyung continued and this time he didn’t stop, but Hoseok noticed the sweat that started glistening on his forehead and the sighs and deep breaths he took in between, but tried to hide.
This is what Hoseok wanted and Taehyung said it was fine. His own soulmate said it’s fine, he basically got permission to do this.
He shouldn’t feel bad, shouldn’t feel guilty when he watched Taehyung work in front of him. Shouldn’t look at his features so closely, shouldn’t notice the little moles he had or how long his eye lashes were. Shouldn’t notice his smell, wondering if it was cologne or something else and he most definitely shouldn’t want to hear Taehyung’s voice again.
Their first session was over after two hours and his tattoo didn’t look that much different. Taehyung had hardly talked and it had been painful and by the end Hoseok could clearly see that the other man was trying to catch his breath.
“See you next week. Make an appointment with my coworker in the front.” And with that Taehyung left the room, without saying another goodbye, cleaning up or even taking off his gloves.
Hoseok didn’t feel bad, he shouldn’t. This is what he had always wanted.
The second session was one week later and this time Taehyung seemed to be in a better mood. They started right away and the tattoo artist started asking about Hoseok’s day, also telling about his own in return.
Hoseok found out that Taehyung really loved animals, especially dogs. That he liked to stop and pet them or take photos and if he hadn’t gone down this road, he would have loved to become a vet.
He also learned that Taehyung had two smaller siblings and that he was very close to his family, talking to them on the phone every day.
When Hoseok asked if he Taehyung told them about him, the mood was broken and Taehyung just shook his head and continued to work in silence again.
He probably had used talking to distract both of them from the pain because now his wrist was feeling on fire again and Taehyung started sweating and sometimes he had to stop, saying his hand was cramping, but Hoseok knew he was lying.
Taehyung didn’t say goodbye. Just left like last time.
The third was the worst session.
Taehyung started working on the actual heartbeat line and Hoseok couldn’t keep his voice in, couldn’t stop from throwing his head back, from asking for breaks because he couldn’t take it. Taehyung didn’t say much, but whenever they took a break he would stroke over the tattoo with his fingers and it made it better, it stopped hurting that much.
Hoseok tried to glimpse at Taehyung’s tattoo, but it was covered by a wrist band.
It was over after three hours and Hoseok wondered if Taehyung would ever say goodbye to him.
Hoseok started talking about himself during the fifth session. Taehyung was working and concentrating and suddenly Hoseok started telling him about the dance studio where he worked as an instructor. Told him about his big sister that lived abroad. Talked about his parents’ divorce and how it made him see that soulbonds didn’t work.
“Is that why you are erasing it?” Taehyung asked, talking for the first time in a while and the dancer nodded, explaining that he didn’t want to be bound by this bond that didn’t even work in the first place.
“You know, everyone is different... My grandparents found each other when they were 15 and 17 and now, 60 years later they are still together and in love. My parents, too. They still love each other a lot. No one is the same.”
“Yeah, some are lucky. But there are enough stories about people that didn’t find their happiness. I don’t want to end up like that.”
Taehyung stayed quiet for a while and then suddenly stopped working, putting away the ink machine.
“But isn’t it like that with every relationship? You either stay together or you don’t. You either work for it, or you don’t. You either love, or you don’t. We’re given a chance with our soulmate, doesn’t mean the universe will take care of everything.”
They didn’t finish their session because Taehyung looked pale and close to collapsing and asked Hoseok to come back next week. Hoseok hadn’t felt too much pain that session.
“Have you heard the origin story of soulmates?”
“Haven’t we all? We learn it in school.” Half of Hoseok’s tattoo was gone and it hurt, it hurt so much, God, he was tired of the tears and the pain. Taehyung didn’t seem to be in too much pain today.
“Not that semi-scientific bullshit. The myth, I mean.”
“I guess I've heard of it…”
“It’s because they say we are made of stardust. Our souls, our existence. We were all stars, and dust, and matter that once existed in the universe... Pulvis et umbra sumus. We are just dust and shadows, floating everywhere and nowhere. And stars collide, shatter, and fly away so soulmates that were once a single star drifted apart and they have to find their way to be together again. They say it’s not about two souls that belong together, but one that wants to connect again.” Hoseok didn’t say anything and this time even tried to focus on the pain, while Taehyung was humming under his breath and working and his deep voice was almost drowned by the buzzing sound of the ink machine. Almost.
“We should be done in two more sessions.” Taehyung didn’t look good today. Neither did Hoseok. There were more breaks, because the tattoist’s hand were shaking and he drank a lot of water or went out to get fresh air. Hoseok watched him, while lying on his back, watched how Taehyung’s face fell whenever he turned away from Hoseok and it was kind of worse than the procedure itself because ever ounce of pain that Taehyung felt was Hoseok’s fault.
Taehyung was never unfriendly to him. Instead he was patient, and kind, and always stroke over the sore skin of Hoseok’s inner wrist when it was hurting the most. He brushed away Hoseok’s dark hair from his sweaty forehead and sometimes brought him a cold cloth and some chocolate and water. Taehyung smiled while he was in pain himself. He was beautiful when he was hurting.
Hoseok was a horrible person.
It was their last session and Hoseok knew it was almost over. Taehyung stopped moving again and for a moment the dancer thought it was because he needed another break, but Taehyung was just looking at him and only now did he realized that Taehyung had hardly done that in their time together.
“Is everything alright?” Hoseok asked and Taehyung just hummed and then suddenly put down the ink machine and took off one of his gloves before cupping Hoseok’s face and Hoseok forbid himself to lean into the touch.
“I just need this last moment with my soulmate. Let me have this please because it will be done in a few minutes and after it is done I will not stay here with you. I will not look at you, or speak to you and I will leave and I ask of you to do the same. But for now I just want this.” There was this heavy weight in Hoseok’s stomach and he and Taehyung locked eyes and Taehyung just kept looking at him with longing in his eyes as if Hoseok was already gone and he probably was, he already had been before they had met and every session had spelled one letter of the word goodbye.
It was over in a few seconds and Taehyung got a new glove and put it on. He didn’t look at Hoseok again when he went back to work and only two minutes later Hoseok felt it.
Something snapped inside of him and there was a dropping feeling as if he was riding a rollercoaster and then just… emptiness. And on his wrist he now wore a blue flat line.
Hoseok stared at the sore skin, at the bond he now fully broke and he was zoning in on it when there was a loud crashing sound and Hoseok looked up to see how Taehyung let the ink machine fall onto the floor and left the room and when the door shut close between them it sounded like finality.
It felt different. Weird. There wasn’t really any pain, but Hoseok had to get used to it.
He kept repeating the image of Taehyung stumbling away from him in his head, out of the room and he hadn’t seen his face but he somehow knew there had been tears.
But this is what he had wanted. He was free. He just didn’t know what to do with this freedom.
It was almost ironic how he saw all these couples and soulmates around him now.
There was his roommate and coworker Jimin who had found his soulmate Yoongi years ago. There were his students that talked about it or even came together. How couples or sometimes more than two people passed him on the street and Hoseok couldn’t see their tattoos, but he somehow knew they all were bonded together. He just knew it.
Hoseok didn’t think he would meet Taehyung again. Or at least not that soon and it really took three months when he ran into him by accident.
Jimin had invited him to a party, saying they would meet up with his mate Yoongi and his roommate there. When they entered the house, people were already drunk and dancing to the loud bass that vibrated through the building and usually Hoseok enjoyed this scene, but tonight he had rather felt like staying home instead.
Jimin immediately took Yoongi’s hand and the two of them shared a moment, a look, before turning to Hoseok and then going to the kitchen together.
“Hyung, where is Tae? I thought you were coming with him?” Tae, Hoseok assumed, was Yoongi’s roommate. He actually hadn’t met him yet even though he knew Yoongi pretty well by now.
The older male just sighed and drowned the last of his beer before speaking.
“He is here somewhere. But… yeah I told you how he is right now. I should probably look for him soon. God knows what he is doing now.” Hoseok couldn’t make sense of it and none of them explained so it was probably not his business.
The group soon met some of their other mutual friend and after a while Hoseok excused himself to get some fresh air and walked through the house to find some way out.
He soon found the backdoor that led to the garden and it was just as crowded outside, with people sitting in circles and smoke fogging up the air, filling it with the prominent scent of weed.
The dancer pushed through, trying to get away some more when he froze as his eyes found a familiar face.
It was Taehyung.
Taehyung sitting among a circle passing a blunt.
Taehyung on the lap of some other guy whose hands were gone under his shirt.
Taehyung with dark roots, rings under his eyes, and an empty look.
Taehyung that locked eyes with him and started to laugh.
Hoseok couldn’t move, couldn’t believe how different Taehyung looked. He looked skinnier, even more so than before, and tired and honestly, nothing like the young man he had first met all those months ago.
His former soulmate, who was now on his feet and approaching him and Hoseok still couldn’t move, who was now standing in front of him and Hoseok still couldn’t move. There were arms embracing him, a face that smelled of alcohol, and cigarettes, and sweat pushed into his neck – and he still couldn’t move.
“Hah, what a joke. There he is; my soulmate who didn’t want me before he met me and still didn’t after he did.” Taehyung was out of his mind drunk and probably high and who knows what else and he leaned back to look at Hoseok again and his eyes were hazy and unfocused. He looked horrible.
“Ah, Hoseok, why are you beautiful? Hm, look what I did!” Taehyung’s arms left him and Hoseok was still unable to do or say anything, still in too in shock by how different the other man was now.
Taehyung pulled up his sleeves and turned his wrist to have him see and the dancer’s eyes widened when he saw an intact soulbond tattoo.
“How…?”
“I did that, with normal ink. Couldn’t take it. Couldn’t look at the flat line. Just wanted to pretend I am whole. Ah Hoseok, why why why, tell me. Why am I so unlucky and why are you so lovely still? Tried hating you, but how could I? Hating my own soulmate… well you’re not anymore.”
Hoseok couldn’t hear this, didn’t want to. There was a stabbing pain in his abdomen and he couldn’t breathe right and Taehyung just stood there in front of him with that smile on his face that looked so ugly even though he clearly remembered how beautiful he actually was. Hoseok felt that his cheeks were wet and suddenly he could feel his legs again, could set them in motion and he ran off without looking back and he didn’t see how Taehyung looked after him, didn’t see his tears anymore.
They didn’t meet for another two months, again by accident, this time in a club that was too loud even for Hoseok who usually loved parties and dancing, but recently a lot of things just seemed a bit dull to him.
Taehyung was almost falling out of the bathroom and into Hoseok and he looked even worse than before. Even skinnier, his skin unclear and his hair dry and nothing like the rich gold they used to be. He was drunk again, very much so and he smelled like vomit which is what he probably did just now.
“Hahhh, it’s you, it you again. I wish you weren’t here.”
Ever since the last time they saw each other Hoseok couldn’t forget. Couldn’t stop to regret what he had done.
He kept remembering Taehyung from when they first met. How his skin had been glowing and his smile had been bright and God, how kind and beautiful he used to be. At that party, he was nothing like that. And Hoseok felt that he too changed. He used to be loud and enthusiastic, used to enjoy music and dancing and just life, but ever since he had the flat line on his wrist everything was desaturated and while he still managed to go to work, to meet his friends and have fun with them, it just wasn’t the same.
But it was nothing like what Taehyung was feeling. And it was his fault.
Hoseok sometimes dreamed of Taehyung. Back when they sat in the tattoo studio and Taehyung would tell him about his dog that lived with his parents in Daegu. How excited he got when he showed Hoseok pictures of him. How deep and cute his laugh was, how his mouth was formed like a box when he did.
He remembered the story he had told him of stars. He walked back home at night and sometimes looked up to the dark sky. In Seoul you could hardly see any stars, the sky was just black, but they were still there, right? He just couldn’t see him.
“Taehyung,” Hoseok mumbled and suddenly the younger buried his hands into his shirt, pulling at him.
“Please stop appearing, it’s so hard…”
“Taehyung, I… I’m so sorry. I wish I could undo it, wish I could take it back, I wish I’d never had done it-“ Hoseok was suddenly shoved into the wall behind him and Taehyung was not in his arms anymore, but there were tears pooling in his eyes, not falling yet, but also the remains of eyeliner on his skin that made him look even more broken somehow. And then he started laughing. An empty and hollow laugh that made Hoseok freeze and shiver.
“I told you, back then didn’t I? You can’t, it’s over. You have to live with this. And so do I.”
Taehyung left after that, but Hoseok stayed there, his back to the wall and this was never what he wanted. He had read so many things about it, had done so much research. And they did say it was a delicate thing to do and definitely not easy, but nothing ever had prepared him for this.
He had been so selfish. He was the worst. He had destroyed Taehyung, made Taehyung destroy himself because Hoseok was selfish, and afraid, and a coward and Taehyung, beautiful Taehyung, who could have been happy and his, who could have been… could have been okay.
His mother must have seen how bad he was feeling because as soon as she opened the door she immediately pulled Hoseok into her arms and ushered him inside.
“Hoseokie what happened?”
“Mom…” Hoseok broke down in front of her, showed her his wrist and told him what he had done, what had happened to Taehyung after that and how there hadn’t been even one happy day in his life since he had gotten that flatline on his skin.
“Mom, I don’t know what to do, I don’t-“ His voice broke halfway and his mother’s arms pulled him closer for a hug, one of her hands starting to stroke his hair just like she used to do when he had been a child.
“Oh, Hoseokie… I’m so sorry. This is your father and my fault. We should have handled our separation better, we shouldn't have involved you at all.” Hoseok stayed in his mother’s arms and he stayed quiet, not wanting to argue because this was his fault, he couldn't push this onto anyone else. He had no right to.
“Hoseok-ah, listen to me. Bonds are just things to give us a push into the right direction. What we make out of it lies with us. Your father and I didn't put enough effort into it. We thought that our bond would do everything for us. That's why we didn't work out. Not because soulmates aren't real. Do you really know what happened when you broke the bond?” Hoseok leaned back to look at his mother and her words were like dimmed echoes of what a certain boy had told him once upon a time in a tattoo studio.
“You share a soul with your mate and while it sounds easy to just break it, it's actually a really devastating thing to do. Especially for your mate. You made the decision and the tattoo was directly erased off of your skin, but for your mate it was like a part of their body was ripped away.” Hoseok’s eyes widened and it shouldn't be such a surprise, he had seen what Taehyung had become, but to hear it so straightforward, from his mother no less, was like a slap to the face.
“But he did it, he said it's okay, he-he said it was basically mutual, he-“
“Honey, he lied. For you.” Hoseok stood up and kicked the living room table, ignoring the pain in his foot, welcoming it rather.
“But why?!” His mother looked at him in pity and it killed him, it hurt so much. He knew the answer already. “… because he is my soulmate.”
It took him only a week to see Taehyung again.
Hoseok felt helpless. He took time off work because he couldn't eat or sleep. He searched through books and the internet to find a way to fix what he had done, so undo what he did to Taehyung, but he remained empty-handed. There were theories that it was possible to ease the pain by being with the mate, by loving them.
Hoseok didn't know if he loved Taehyung.
He knew that he cared about him. Knew that he regretted what he had done. He knew that he could have easily loved him if he had tried. With Taehyung’s kindness, his beauty, his gentleness, his stories and his heart.
He was born for me. And I rejected him, I didn't even try.
When he couldn't bear the look of his own room, hell, his own reflection he went to Jimin and confessed.
Jimin listened to him until the end and he looked disappointed and angry, and Hoseok got it, he understood.
“I’m so sorry Jimin, I didn't know, I was stupid and I just- I don't know what to do.”
“Hyung,” Jimin said calmly, not one word of anger directed at him in the end even though Hoseok had hoped Jimin would punch him in the face. “What do you want? My forgiveness?”
“I- I want to make it better.” Jimin stood up and got his phone only to type in something and then puttinvg it onto the table between them. On the screen he had written an address.
“Then you are talking to the wrong person.”
His throat was dry while his hands were sweaty when he pressed the doorbell to the apartment not far from where Jimin and he lived. He never had been here, only knew that this is where Yoongi and he lived and Hoseok hadn't prepared anything, no speech or course of action. He only knew that he had to be here.
It was Yoongi that opened the door and he looked surprised to find Hoseok on his door step. So Taehyung hadn't told him.
“Hey, sorry for just coming over without any warning. Uh, is Taehyung home?” Yoongi's face had been relaxed enough, but the second Hoseok mentioned Taehyung, his entire stature froze.
“Taehyung's not feeling well right now, maybe you should-“
“Please, it's really important. I know he's not feeling well, but I really need to talk to him.”
“I didn't even know you two knew each other. How important could this even be?” Yoongi was clearly annoyed at this point, but Hoseok didn't care, he couldn't just go, he came here for a reason.
“I… I am Taehyung's soulmate.”
It was almost visible how the temperature around them dropped. Yoongi's entire face became emotionless and his grip on the door tightened.
“You're… his soulmate… you're…”
One second Yoongi had been standing by the door, in the next he was right in front of Hoseok and there was a fist slamming into his face, hitting him in the jaw. Hoseok stumbled and his back hit the wall behind him and he slowly slid down onto the floor with Yoongi almost looming over him.
“You piece of shit, you did this to him! You killed my best friend! How dare you come here to see him. You're lucky if I don't murder you myself!”
Hoseok’s jaw was pulsating and he was sure there was blood in his mouth and it felt good, he had been waiting for this, knew he deserved this and more.
“You better get the fuck out of here before I-“
“Hyung?”
A third voice made him stop and Yoongi turned around and there he was, standing in the hallway behind Yoongi. Kim Taehyung and Hoseok felt both relieved and horrified when their eyes locked.
If Hoseok thought Taehyung looked bad the last few times he had seen him, then he had been terribly wrong.
Taehyung was only skin and bones and while he had always been skinny, it was just unhealthy and dangerous now. His once golden skin was almost gray now and his hair was black and too long. Taehyung and Hoseok stared at each other and suddenly Taehyung smiled at him.
“Ah it's that dream again. Or maybe I’m finally gone, huh?”
Hoseok bursted into tears.
Yoongi did let him in, but only because Taehyung had walked up to him and wouldn’t let go of Hoseok who was still on the floor and crying.
Taehyung started to brush away his tears, stroking his face and hair and telling him it was okay when it was not, not at all. Why was Taehyung the one comforting him when it was Hoseok that had ruined him? How could he even stand him?
They eventually moved inside and Taehyung led him to the couch. Yoongi lingered behind them until Taehyung asked him to leave them for a bit and Yoongi seemed reluctant, but eventually left for his own room.
Then they just sat there, and Taehyung was still looking at him in wonder, still cradling his face.
“You know, I tried to kill myself. Hyung stopped me,” Taehyung suddenly said and the way he just admitted to that, as if it wasn't a big deal made Hoseok nauseous. He opened his mouth, trying to say something, but he was at loss. He hadn't expected for it to go like this. For Taehyung to be this gentle and loving with him when all Hoseok deserved was hate and disgust.
“I can't bear it. Feeling so incomplete, so worthless. It's like I don't have a purpose anymore. I’m already gone, anyway, so what's the point? I thought sex and drugs would make it better, but it just got worse. Who thought it would be so hard to find something or someone else to complete me when the one born to do that tore me apart?” Taehyung's voice was merely a whisper without any emotions, but his words hit Hoseok hard and new tears rolled down his cheeks. He reached out to cup Taehyung's face who still didn't even change his expression to the slightest and his skin was ice cold under Hoseok's hands.
“Why didn't you stop me? Why did you…” Taehyung's hands moved over his own and they looked huge, covering his wholly and a sad smile appeared on his face.
“It was what you wanted right? I just wanted to make you happy. What type of soulmate would I be, not doing anything to make my mate happy?” Hoseok's hands fall away from Taehyung's face and his heart was hurting.
He would be me.
“You're so beautiful, Hoseok. Hah, I would have loved you forever,” a single tear escaped Taehyung and after all what had happened it was the first time for Hoseok to see him cry. “Hoseok, I wished I could.”
“I’m going to make this right.”
Hoseok didn't know how, but he was determined. He started to spend time with Taehyung every day. At first only at his apartment, talking, watching movies. In the beginning, Taehyung didn't do much, but eventually he grew more and more comfortable around Hoseok.
Hoseok brought him food every time and they ate it together even though Taehyung couldn’t get down too much, probably because his stomach wasn't used to it anymore.
After two weeks they left the apartment for the first time to go and dye his hair. Taehyung dyed it a rich brown and it looked good, made him look more alive already.
They didn't manage to walk too much because Taehyung became tired fast, so instead Hoseok brought him to work and let him watch and it was the first time he saw him truly smile again.
“Hoseok, you dance so so well.”
That day was the first night Hoseok stayed over because Taehyung started to cry hysterically when Hoseok got ready to go.
“Don't leave me, please don't disappear.”
“I won't, I’m not. I’m here look.” Hoseok took the other man’s hand and pressed it over his heart to he could feel its beat. He had noticed that it calmed down Taehyung the best.
So Hoseok stayed for the first time and Taehyung was curled up in his arms with his ear pressed to his chest until morning came and Taehyung woke up next to him with a small smile.
After two months Taehyung felt a lot better. His skin looked clearer and healthier, he gained some weight and did not need to be reminded to eat anymore and he also started to go out and talk more.
“I need my job back. I want to work again,” he said one evening. By now it was pretty usual for Hoseok to stay over and even Jimin had been there to spent time with Yoongi and the four of them had eaten dinner together earlier.
His relationship with Yoongi improved greatly ever since that one day. At first the older male hadn’t trusted Hoseok and had still been quite hostile sometimes, but ever since Taehyung’s visible improvement, they started to get along again and one morning, when Taehyung was still in the shower and Hoseok was making coffee Yoongi had come up to him and thanked him.
“For bringing him back.”
Hoseok’s fingers traced some of the countless tattoos on Taehyung’s skin and they spent the night staying up while Taehyung told him the story to ever single one of them. Some of them had a reason, some were just there because Taehyung thought they looked pretty.
Eventually they reached his wrist where Taehyung had inked Hoseok’s EKG. It wasn’t over the actual flatline since Taehyung said you weren’t able to do that, but a bit lower and Hoseok pulled the arm up and gave the image a lingering kiss.
“It could have been so easy. I could have just loved you from the start. Instead I hurt you so much. I’m so sorry, Taehyungie.” Taehyung’s eyes were wide as he looked at Hoseok and he started to tear up.
“Do you mean… you love me now?” His voice was shaky and the question wasn’t louder than a breath and Hoseok smiled down to him, using his other hand to brush back Taehyung’s hair.
“So much.”
That night was the first time they kissed and Taehyung felt wonderful against him, was everything Hoseok had ever wanted and he never wanted to let go of this boy again.
He was woken up by a loud yell in the early morning and Hoseok opened his eyes, blinking and trying to make sense of what was happening when he found Taehyung sitting up with rapid tears streaming down his face.
He was awake immediately and sat up to get to him.
“What happened? What happened, Taehyungie?” Taehyung was sobbing and he shook his head and only stretched out his wrist for Hoseok to see. He looked down and at first tried to understand what was going on when he saw, when he got it.
On Taehyung’s wrist the flat line had turned pink and there was a single strike going up, like a heart restarting. Hoseok had never heard of anything like this, of a ripped bond restarting and the fear gripped him, made it hard to breathe.
What if Taehyung found a different soulmate? It wasn’t unheard of, it was possible to have more than one. What if his own tattoo still remained blue and flat?
Hoseok slowly raised his own arm to check, but he was scared, scared to find out what he found find.
He found his own line and just like Taehyung, his tears started pooling in his eyes when he saw pink.